A/N: This chapter happens at around 1 in the morning, Monday.
DISCLAIMER: J.K.Rowling owns the Harry Potter characters.
CHAPTER 11:
"I don't understand, Ron," I whispered, sobbing. "How could I have not known that David was *gay*?"
We were sitting on one of Puddlemere's bleachers, our cloaks warding off the early morning chill. I had written Ron a message to meet me at the Training Pitch and carried it to him as an eagle. He recognized me in my Animagus form as I tapped my beak lightly on the window pane and immediately got on his broom to meet me there. I didn't want to risk Apparating and letting Harry see me. Seeing him, after all he's said to me that afternoon, would be like rubbing salt to my wounds.
I tried to recount the conversation David and I had before I left for the flat, for Ron's sake. He had followed me home, pushing his way between my parents, especially my dad, who wouldn't let him in. But I was hovering near the stairs and I just would *love* to hear his side of the story.
*Flashback*
"Let him through, Dad," I said flatly, my arms crossed over my chest as I watched David struggle to get past my father.
"No," Dad said stubbornly, still fending him off.
"Just let him through. He owes me an explanation." I step down from the stairs and walk over to the couch, where I sat down. Dad was still a bit apprehensive but stopped blocking David's way. Instead he just stood there, his eyes flashing murder and watching him so intently that I'd swear he was trying to curse David.
"A little privacy would be nice," I told him, giving him my "Please-just- leave, I-can-handle-this" Look. Dad knows better than to disagree with me and grudgingly trudged upstairs with Mum, leaving me alone with my gay ex- fiancée.
"What's his name?" I asked David after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. He looked at me with surprise clear in his eyes as he opened his mouth.
"Christian," he croaked.
"And how long have you and Christian been together?" My voice was as cold and as emotionless as Harry's was this afternoon.
"About a year now."
"And were you planning on telling me that I was engaged to a homosexual?" I said harshly, making him cringe as I stared at him with fire in my eyes.
"I was going to tell you, Hermione, honest. I just couldn't..."
"Find the right time? How about *before* you proposed to me? Were you planning to tell me before we got married?"
"I was, but I didn't think that you'd understand."
"The hell I couldn't!" I exclaimed. "So, what was all this? Was this a charade? Were you planning on leaving me at the altar on our wedding day? And all that shit about asking Ron and Harry to be the best men! Maybe you fancied them, too!"
I breathed heavily, feeling anger boil inside me. I was wrong about two men in the same day. It was just too much. The one sitting in front of me was a dream-turned-nightmare, the other was a vague fantasy of something I could never have.
"I'm gay, Hermione," David suddenly whispered.
"That's a surprise," I muttered darkly.
"No," he said, holding me by the shoulders to face him. "You have to listen. I've been seeing Christian around almost the same time that I had asked you out. We were in med school together. I haven't realized what I was then, and I found you very attractive so I asked you for coffee. While you and I got closer and began dating each other exclusively, Christian and I were assigned to be partners in lab and he was a great study buddy."
"I'll bet."
David's cheeks coloured but continued. "I had entertained the thought of possibly being gay in your third year. You were very busy with student government and your extra credit that I found myself being invariably drawn to Christian more and more, until I finally admitted it to myself. But I know I can't end up with him, Hermione. My father would disown me and my whole family will repudiate me. But I battled with my feelings for so long. Christian understood what I was going through, his family would do the same to him if they'd found out that he was with me. So before term ended this year..."
"You proposed to me to save your arse from your parents," I finished for him. "You *used* me."
"I might as well have *used* you. But haven't you ever wondered why I would pull away quickly when I kissed you? Haven't you thought about why I didn't make love to you despite the fact that we could have so many times over?"
"Well, excuse me for still thinking that there are still some chivalrous gentlemen in this day and age," I snapped.
He smiled painfully. "I love you, Hermione - - - but I'm in love with Christian. I thought that I could pull it off, if I could marry you and continue my affair with the man I love. But you're too smart, Hermione. You will find out sooner or later - and you have."
"Leave, David," I whispered sullenly. "Leave."
"Hermione..."
"Don't try to contact me or try to rekindle what we had. We didn't have anything. You can have your lover for all I care. I just don't want to see you again." I stood up and made my way upstairs, hearing David shuffle for the door and close it behind him.
*End of Flashback*
Ron put his arm around me, his other hand smoothing circles on my back to calm me. "Ssh...it's okay. You didn't know and he was a prick not to tell you when he should have."
I buried my head in Ron's chest, sobbing and heaving great sighs. "He made me believe that he loved me and now he's telling me that he was planning to lie to me even until after we were married just so he could be with the one he really loves." I let out a deep breath. "And it's not even me!" I wailed.
Ron continued to smooth calming circles on my back. "You're not planning to run away again, are you?" he joked lightly.
I managed a smile. "No. Surprisingly enough, I'm not sorry that David left me. What hurts me is that he left me for a *man*! A man, Ron! Like you!"
Ron made a face. "That doesn't exactly elicit the nicest image, Hermione."
I lightly hit his arm. "Do you know how insulting it was? I was standing there in the middle of the street, yelling at my ex-fiancée because he was dumping me for a man!" I felt my words sink into my subconscious, "I guess Harry was right, then," I mumbled softly.
Ron's hand stopped and I felt him jerk upright. "Harry was right about what?" he asked, making me look into his deep blue eyes. "What did Harry say?"
I looked away as memories of that afternoon forced themselves in my mind. "That the only reason David was attracted to me was because I seduced him. He could be right, you know. I mean, my unconscious psyche might have emanated seductive auras to other psyches..."
"Spare me the psychobabble, Hermione. Harry said you seduced David?" Ron asked angrily, his blue eyes flashing, reminding me of Dad's eyes earlier that evening.
"Can't say I blame him now, can I? Perhaps he's right. My whole studious self could just be a front for desperation..."
"Let's go," Ron said urgently, pulling me to my feet.
"Where are we going?"
"Back to the flat."
"I can't!" I cried, pulling my hand from his grasp. "What if Harry's there?"
"Good."
"What do you mean 'good'? Don't you know if he's there or not?"
Ron gripped his broomstick tightly, and grabbed my by my hand again. "He hasn't come back since he left for the Pitch. If he's home by now, then I wouldn't have to go look for him." He pulled me onto his broomstick, positioning my body in front of his, as he kicked off into the air and flew speedily back to the flat.
"What are you planning to do, Ron Weasley?" I asked him loudly over the whoosh of the cold morning air over our faces.
"Kick his arse and knock some sense into the git," he answered, his face as serious as stone.
"Beat him up?" I declared unbelievingly. "Ron, don't."
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't."
I spotted the brick establishment where their flat was situated out of the corner of my eye. "You can't risk your friendship with him just because of me, Ron. Besides, I already told you that I think he's right in saying what he said."
Ron landed the broom smoothly on the pavement and I gingerly climbed off. Then he gripped me by the arm and pulled me inside.
"Ron, don't be daft. You don't have to beat Harry up for me."
"Yes, I do. Why do you keep defending him?" We stopped at the topmost floor, just beyond their front door. "You're hurting, Hermione. I can see it in your eyes. And he's the one hurting you and you just stand there and take it. At dinner the other day, Harry brought Elizabeth with him to make you jealous. I was against it, she was against it, Sirius was against it but he wanted to do it, hoping that he could make you leave David for him. He's purposely hurting you and you just take it. But he didn't have the right to say that you would seduce a man for selfish reasons. He should know you better. He should get his act together and tell you that he loves you!"
I froze at Ron's final words. "What do you mean? Harry loves..."
"You. He loves you, ever since we were at Hogwarts, ever since you left. But David was in the picture when you returned and he lost some of his resolve to tell you and decided to make you jealous instead. Sometimes I could just smack that boy in the head. And I could do that now, are you coming?" I shook my head and Ron just shrugged, leaving me standing alone in the hall as he threw open the door and marched directly to Harry's room.
As if I could just stay there, listening as Ron pummeled Harry senseless. I quickly ran inside and made a beeline for his room, not noticing that Ron was actually standing, mouth agape, a good two feet from the slightly ajar door.
"Ron - " I exclaimed, pushing the door open and gasping at the scene that greeted me.
Harry was lying prostrate on his bed, a tangle of those soft, white sheets around his naked body. On top of him was a woman whom I recognized as Blaise Zabini.
She was moving up and down, straddling him between her legs, her perfect hair cascading down her back and brushing Harry's skin. He was moaning, his face contorted with the feeling of exquisite pleasure, his hands holding onto her breasts to support her. She was leaning forward and clutching Harry's shoulders, bracing herself for a quickening pace when I had interrupted them.
Blaise turned her head toward mine, stopped what she was doing and threw me a triumphant smile before leaning down even further and licking Harry's chest.
"Why did you...Hermione!" Harry cried in surprise, almost forgetting that Blaise was on top of him as he struggled to sit up.
I backed away slowly, my eyes clouding. "I - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to barge in like this," I mumbled shakily, backing away one step at a time. "I was just looking for...something." I dropped my eyes to the floor, unable to see him in this position.
"Hermione, wait," Harry was saying. "Please, it's not what you think..."
"Oh, no, don't bother getting up, Harry," I added quickly. "I can see you're, um, busy. So you just keep doing...whatever it was you were doing. I'll just show myself out. I'm glad our talk this afternoon didn't affect you at all. And, well, I'd like to apologize for slapping you. I didn't mean it. Oh, by the way, you were right about David only wanting me for some other reason than love. I was - stupid - not to see it right away. You were always very keen. David's gay, by the way. I broke off the engagement, but you don't need to know that." I glanced at Blaise who was glaring at me while possessively clutching Harry's body to hers.
"Come on, Harry," she said seductively, her mouth teasing his ear. "She's leaving anyway. We can continue and I promise I'll make you forget about this little...interruption."
"Right," I exclaimed a little too loudly. "Really sorry about this again," I mumbled, turning my back as Blaise began to tease Harry's neck.
"Hermione...oh God!" I heard him cry. I could tell Blaise was doing a good job.
Ron was ready to charge into the room and beat Harry to a bloody pulp, only waiting for my consent. I tiptoed to kiss him on the cheek. Ron had grown so tall...
"I think he's gotten over me," I whispered in his ear. I pulled away, smiling.
"Hermione..." Ron whispered back, holding my hand.
"Tell them I'm sorry again for interrupting will you?" and with that I Disapparated and reappeared in my room.
And for the first time, no tears fell.
DISCLAIMER: J.K.Rowling owns the Harry Potter characters.
CHAPTER 11:
"I don't understand, Ron," I whispered, sobbing. "How could I have not known that David was *gay*?"
We were sitting on one of Puddlemere's bleachers, our cloaks warding off the early morning chill. I had written Ron a message to meet me at the Training Pitch and carried it to him as an eagle. He recognized me in my Animagus form as I tapped my beak lightly on the window pane and immediately got on his broom to meet me there. I didn't want to risk Apparating and letting Harry see me. Seeing him, after all he's said to me that afternoon, would be like rubbing salt to my wounds.
I tried to recount the conversation David and I had before I left for the flat, for Ron's sake. He had followed me home, pushing his way between my parents, especially my dad, who wouldn't let him in. But I was hovering near the stairs and I just would *love* to hear his side of the story.
*Flashback*
"Let him through, Dad," I said flatly, my arms crossed over my chest as I watched David struggle to get past my father.
"No," Dad said stubbornly, still fending him off.
"Just let him through. He owes me an explanation." I step down from the stairs and walk over to the couch, where I sat down. Dad was still a bit apprehensive but stopped blocking David's way. Instead he just stood there, his eyes flashing murder and watching him so intently that I'd swear he was trying to curse David.
"A little privacy would be nice," I told him, giving him my "Please-just- leave, I-can-handle-this" Look. Dad knows better than to disagree with me and grudgingly trudged upstairs with Mum, leaving me alone with my gay ex- fiancée.
"What's his name?" I asked David after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. He looked at me with surprise clear in his eyes as he opened his mouth.
"Christian," he croaked.
"And how long have you and Christian been together?" My voice was as cold and as emotionless as Harry's was this afternoon.
"About a year now."
"And were you planning on telling me that I was engaged to a homosexual?" I said harshly, making him cringe as I stared at him with fire in my eyes.
"I was going to tell you, Hermione, honest. I just couldn't..."
"Find the right time? How about *before* you proposed to me? Were you planning to tell me before we got married?"
"I was, but I didn't think that you'd understand."
"The hell I couldn't!" I exclaimed. "So, what was all this? Was this a charade? Were you planning on leaving me at the altar on our wedding day? And all that shit about asking Ron and Harry to be the best men! Maybe you fancied them, too!"
I breathed heavily, feeling anger boil inside me. I was wrong about two men in the same day. It was just too much. The one sitting in front of me was a dream-turned-nightmare, the other was a vague fantasy of something I could never have.
"I'm gay, Hermione," David suddenly whispered.
"That's a surprise," I muttered darkly.
"No," he said, holding me by the shoulders to face him. "You have to listen. I've been seeing Christian around almost the same time that I had asked you out. We were in med school together. I haven't realized what I was then, and I found you very attractive so I asked you for coffee. While you and I got closer and began dating each other exclusively, Christian and I were assigned to be partners in lab and he was a great study buddy."
"I'll bet."
David's cheeks coloured but continued. "I had entertained the thought of possibly being gay in your third year. You were very busy with student government and your extra credit that I found myself being invariably drawn to Christian more and more, until I finally admitted it to myself. But I know I can't end up with him, Hermione. My father would disown me and my whole family will repudiate me. But I battled with my feelings for so long. Christian understood what I was going through, his family would do the same to him if they'd found out that he was with me. So before term ended this year..."
"You proposed to me to save your arse from your parents," I finished for him. "You *used* me."
"I might as well have *used* you. But haven't you ever wondered why I would pull away quickly when I kissed you? Haven't you thought about why I didn't make love to you despite the fact that we could have so many times over?"
"Well, excuse me for still thinking that there are still some chivalrous gentlemen in this day and age," I snapped.
He smiled painfully. "I love you, Hermione - - - but I'm in love with Christian. I thought that I could pull it off, if I could marry you and continue my affair with the man I love. But you're too smart, Hermione. You will find out sooner or later - and you have."
"Leave, David," I whispered sullenly. "Leave."
"Hermione..."
"Don't try to contact me or try to rekindle what we had. We didn't have anything. You can have your lover for all I care. I just don't want to see you again." I stood up and made my way upstairs, hearing David shuffle for the door and close it behind him.
*End of Flashback*
Ron put his arm around me, his other hand smoothing circles on my back to calm me. "Ssh...it's okay. You didn't know and he was a prick not to tell you when he should have."
I buried my head in Ron's chest, sobbing and heaving great sighs. "He made me believe that he loved me and now he's telling me that he was planning to lie to me even until after we were married just so he could be with the one he really loves." I let out a deep breath. "And it's not even me!" I wailed.
Ron continued to smooth calming circles on my back. "You're not planning to run away again, are you?" he joked lightly.
I managed a smile. "No. Surprisingly enough, I'm not sorry that David left me. What hurts me is that he left me for a *man*! A man, Ron! Like you!"
Ron made a face. "That doesn't exactly elicit the nicest image, Hermione."
I lightly hit his arm. "Do you know how insulting it was? I was standing there in the middle of the street, yelling at my ex-fiancée because he was dumping me for a man!" I felt my words sink into my subconscious, "I guess Harry was right, then," I mumbled softly.
Ron's hand stopped and I felt him jerk upright. "Harry was right about what?" he asked, making me look into his deep blue eyes. "What did Harry say?"
I looked away as memories of that afternoon forced themselves in my mind. "That the only reason David was attracted to me was because I seduced him. He could be right, you know. I mean, my unconscious psyche might have emanated seductive auras to other psyches..."
"Spare me the psychobabble, Hermione. Harry said you seduced David?" Ron asked angrily, his blue eyes flashing, reminding me of Dad's eyes earlier that evening.
"Can't say I blame him now, can I? Perhaps he's right. My whole studious self could just be a front for desperation..."
"Let's go," Ron said urgently, pulling me to my feet.
"Where are we going?"
"Back to the flat."
"I can't!" I cried, pulling my hand from his grasp. "What if Harry's there?"
"Good."
"What do you mean 'good'? Don't you know if he's there or not?"
Ron gripped his broomstick tightly, and grabbed my by my hand again. "He hasn't come back since he left for the Pitch. If he's home by now, then I wouldn't have to go look for him." He pulled me onto his broomstick, positioning my body in front of his, as he kicked off into the air and flew speedily back to the flat.
"What are you planning to do, Ron Weasley?" I asked him loudly over the whoosh of the cold morning air over our faces.
"Kick his arse and knock some sense into the git," he answered, his face as serious as stone.
"Beat him up?" I declared unbelievingly. "Ron, don't."
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't."
I spotted the brick establishment where their flat was situated out of the corner of my eye. "You can't risk your friendship with him just because of me, Ron. Besides, I already told you that I think he's right in saying what he said."
Ron landed the broom smoothly on the pavement and I gingerly climbed off. Then he gripped me by the arm and pulled me inside.
"Ron, don't be daft. You don't have to beat Harry up for me."
"Yes, I do. Why do you keep defending him?" We stopped at the topmost floor, just beyond their front door. "You're hurting, Hermione. I can see it in your eyes. And he's the one hurting you and you just stand there and take it. At dinner the other day, Harry brought Elizabeth with him to make you jealous. I was against it, she was against it, Sirius was against it but he wanted to do it, hoping that he could make you leave David for him. He's purposely hurting you and you just take it. But he didn't have the right to say that you would seduce a man for selfish reasons. He should know you better. He should get his act together and tell you that he loves you!"
I froze at Ron's final words. "What do you mean? Harry loves..."
"You. He loves you, ever since we were at Hogwarts, ever since you left. But David was in the picture when you returned and he lost some of his resolve to tell you and decided to make you jealous instead. Sometimes I could just smack that boy in the head. And I could do that now, are you coming?" I shook my head and Ron just shrugged, leaving me standing alone in the hall as he threw open the door and marched directly to Harry's room.
As if I could just stay there, listening as Ron pummeled Harry senseless. I quickly ran inside and made a beeline for his room, not noticing that Ron was actually standing, mouth agape, a good two feet from the slightly ajar door.
"Ron - " I exclaimed, pushing the door open and gasping at the scene that greeted me.
Harry was lying prostrate on his bed, a tangle of those soft, white sheets around his naked body. On top of him was a woman whom I recognized as Blaise Zabini.
She was moving up and down, straddling him between her legs, her perfect hair cascading down her back and brushing Harry's skin. He was moaning, his face contorted with the feeling of exquisite pleasure, his hands holding onto her breasts to support her. She was leaning forward and clutching Harry's shoulders, bracing herself for a quickening pace when I had interrupted them.
Blaise turned her head toward mine, stopped what she was doing and threw me a triumphant smile before leaning down even further and licking Harry's chest.
"Why did you...Hermione!" Harry cried in surprise, almost forgetting that Blaise was on top of him as he struggled to sit up.
I backed away slowly, my eyes clouding. "I - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to barge in like this," I mumbled shakily, backing away one step at a time. "I was just looking for...something." I dropped my eyes to the floor, unable to see him in this position.
"Hermione, wait," Harry was saying. "Please, it's not what you think..."
"Oh, no, don't bother getting up, Harry," I added quickly. "I can see you're, um, busy. So you just keep doing...whatever it was you were doing. I'll just show myself out. I'm glad our talk this afternoon didn't affect you at all. And, well, I'd like to apologize for slapping you. I didn't mean it. Oh, by the way, you were right about David only wanting me for some other reason than love. I was - stupid - not to see it right away. You were always very keen. David's gay, by the way. I broke off the engagement, but you don't need to know that." I glanced at Blaise who was glaring at me while possessively clutching Harry's body to hers.
"Come on, Harry," she said seductively, her mouth teasing his ear. "She's leaving anyway. We can continue and I promise I'll make you forget about this little...interruption."
"Right," I exclaimed a little too loudly. "Really sorry about this again," I mumbled, turning my back as Blaise began to tease Harry's neck.
"Hermione...oh God!" I heard him cry. I could tell Blaise was doing a good job.
Ron was ready to charge into the room and beat Harry to a bloody pulp, only waiting for my consent. I tiptoed to kiss him on the cheek. Ron had grown so tall...
"I think he's gotten over me," I whispered in his ear. I pulled away, smiling.
"Hermione..." Ron whispered back, holding my hand.
"Tell them I'm sorry again for interrupting will you?" and with that I Disapparated and reappeared in my room.
And for the first time, no tears fell.