A/N: I've been getting a lot of wonderful reviewer-ideas left and right,
and I'm so torn between all of them. Do I kill off one of them just when
they've decided to forgive each other? Do I make Hermione run away again
before Harry can apologize? Do I let her end up with Ron, the best friend
who had ALWAYS been there for her? Or do I end my final chapter with a
'happily ever after'?
That's for you to find out - but I've racked my brain to come up with *THE* most heart-touching, "awww..." ending I can come up with so you guys will always remember me and have my fic in your hearts for the next several days...or weeks...or months...or years... :)
Please don't skip the A/N at the bottom.
CHAPTER 14:
I had made up my mind before I closed my eyes to let sleep come take me away. I have had enough of this. I had been home for less than two weeks and already I felt so wasted, so tired, so...hopeless, not to mention alone. My little 'talk' with Dad was a revelation. Harry could never love me in the same way that I loved him - in that go-out-of-your-mind, crazy, passionate, hurting way. I mean, why would he want me when he could have someone so exquisitely beautiful and amazing like Blaise...or Lavender...or Diana...or all those other women he's been with?
It's like saying you're choosing Jack Black to Brad Pitt.
There's only so much rejection a girl could take, and I have reached my breaking point. Tomorrow, I will start a new life. I've thought about moving somewhere in France - Paris or Provence, maybe. It really doesn't matter where. I fell in love with France when I visited it once before, during the summer before our third year. I think I first realized my more- than-friendly feelings for Harry there. Perhaps I could also lose it there.
I turned around in my bed, my back facing the wall, as I stared at the photographs on my wall. I'll also have to start hiding those pictures of Harry, too. Just seeing him so happy and handsome in a photograph made my heart ache and my eyes well up with tears.
A photograph. It will probably be the closest I'll ever be to him.
I can't be his best friend anymore. I just can't. I'm tired of this pretending that I'm fine whenever he's around when all I can think about is the feel of his lips on mine, the heat of his hands on my body...
But more than that, I'm tired of waiting to hear the words I know he'll never get around to saying.
Not to me anyway.
I closed my eyes to prevent my tears from falling. I've cried for him too much already.
Harry - the only man I've ever cried over. We've had our happier moments, of course. Summers spent at the Burrow or at Diagon Alley were one of the happiest of my life, spent with two of my very best friends in the whole wide world. But somewhere along the road, Harry had ceased becoming just my best friend. And I had stopped being his once I admitted to myself that I wanted more - so much more - from him. How platonic can a friendship be if you found yourself wanting your best friend in a way best friends are never supposed to want each other?
But it's over - this thing with Harry, before it ever really began. I have to stop it before he hurts me again. I've already had more than my fair share of pain and I certainly don't want to cry again.
/Tomorrow.../ I thought, closing my eyes, awaiting a deep and restless sleep to enfold me.
/Tomorrow, I forget about Harry. Tomorrow, I'll stop loving Harry.../
/I have to.../
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
I could hear him, hear Harry calling me in my dreams. He was calling my name but he was so far way...
*Please, Harry, don't do this. I don't want to do this anymore. Leave me alone.*
His face swam in my mind as he continued to call my name.
*Please, leave me alone, Harry. I don't want to cry anymore, I'm tired...so tired...*
But he didn't leave and I felt myself shudder visibly. I was shaking.
Or being shook.
I opened my eyes to find Mum sitting right beside me, shaking me awake. Dad stood in the doorway, his dark terry robes wrapped around him. His eyes were tired, but smiling and there was a peculiar glint in his eyes as he looked at me.
"He's been down there for several minutes already, the neighbors are starting to yell at him," Mum was telling me as I shook off my drowsiness. Dad nodded his head toward my window and that's when I heard it.
"HERMIONE!" Harry's voice yelled from the street. "HERMIONE! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!"
"What is he *doing*?" I asked incredulously, sitting up on my bed, turned in the direction of my window. "How long has he been out there?"
Dad walked over to me, his hands in his robes' pockets. "A good couple of minutes. Ron's down there with him."
"Then why isn't he stopping Harry?"
"I don't think Harry wants to be stopped," Dad replied so evenly, it surprised me.
"HERMIONE!" Harry was yelling once again. "HERMIONE!"
"Sod off!" a neighbor yelled back. "It's 2 in the morning! Let the people get some sleep!"
But Harry was persistent. "HERMIONE!"
"That's it!" I heard Mrs. Martin, our neighbor from across the road, threaten. "I'm calling the police!"
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed. I didn't want to see Harry, but I couldn't let him be taken by the cops as well. I got to my feet, fumbled around for my robe before opening my window.
"HERMIONE!"
I raised my window, pushing aside my curtains, and stuck my head in the drafty morning air. I spotted Ron, sitting on the sidewalk, his head resting on his hands, smiling broadly. For some weird reason, I wanted to hit him.
Harry was standing in the middle of the street, wearing black trousers and a creased, button-down shirt that he didn't tuck inside his trousers. He looked as if he had gone out in a hurry, his hair more disheveled than usual, his glasses askew - but his face, his face was brighter.
"Harry!" I hissed, pulling my robe around me to keep the chill away. "What do you think you're doing?"
He stopped just as he was bracing himself for another impressive yell. He looked at me, those beautiful green eyes shining in the fading moonlight. He took a deep breath. "Look at her, Ron," he said, his eyes not leaving mine. "Have you ever seen anyone more beautiful?"
I felt my heart jump to my throat. He's never said anything like that to me before. But I'm far from getting my hopes up again.
"Thank you," I whispered. I blinked several times before continuing. "What are you doing here?" I repeated.
He stepped forward, stopping just beyond the gate. "I wanted to...explain. About last night."
I could feel the tears beginning to build up within me. "You don't have to explain anything to me, Harry..."
"Please, let me finish. You have to hear what I have to say because if you don't then..." he paused, finding himself unable to continue what he was about to say. "Last night - last night, I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I allowed myself to be swept away by the temptation of another woman because I was weak. I admit it, Hermione, I was attracted to her and she drove me to heights I never imagined I could go. But she had one flaw -"
Blaise had a flaw? If someone as perfect as she was could have a flaw, what more could I have to offer him?
"She wasn't you."
I stared blankly at him, refusing to register what he had just announced to my whole block. "I'm in love with you, Hermione Granger. I love everything about you. I love the way you walk and the way you talk. I think your voice is the most beautiful in the world and I could hear you speak every day of my life. I love the way your hair shines when the sun hits it, I love it even more when the moon comes up and it frames your beautiful face so perfectly that I just want to reach out and kiss you. I love the way your nose wrinkles a little when you laugh. In fact, I love your nose. I've wanted to kiss the tip of your nose for the last four years. I love the way you carry yourself when you enter a room. I love the way you dress and worry if the dress doesn't fit you or not." Harry smiled. "I love the way you bite your lower lip when you're nervous or scared. I love the way you read so intently, like you're trying to discover something new when you read 'Hogwarts: A History' for the nine hundredth time. I love the way I could just drown in your eyes everytime I see you look at me. I love the way you're just so generous and helpful and ready to give until it hurts. I love the way you smile, as if everything is all right in the world..."
"Harry..." I began, but my voice only came out in a barely audible whisper.
"I love you, Hermione," Harry said. "And if you love me, too, I promise to always be faithful to you. If you love me, I promise I'll hold you close everyday before we go off to work and hold you even closer when I see you again at the end of the day.
If you love me, I promise to be the first one you see when you wake up in the morning and the last one you'll see before your eyes close and I'm holding your hand as you go to sleep. If you love me, I promise I'll always side with you whenever you and Ron will argue and I'll make sure you always win. If you love me, I'll argue with Ron for you! I don't mind.
If you love me, I promise to build you a home where we can raise our children who will all be as beautiful and as intelligent as their mum. I even promise to let your Mum and Dad live with us if they want, so they can spend their days with their grandchildren. If you love me, I promise to show you everyday how beautiful you really are and kiss you with renewed passion. If you love me, I promise to give you my heart, my soul, my mind - my everything. If you love me, I swear never to hurt you or make you cry again.
And I'll do this even if you don't love me - because I love you."
He turned around to face the block, his arms raised in triumph. "Did everybody hear that? I LOVE YOU, HERMIONE GRANGER! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE..."
Harry stopped, once more facing the window and his face fell when he saw the I wasn't there.
But I had run downstairs to open the front door. "Ron, Harry, come in," I called. "Come on in, I think Mrs. Martin's already called the police."
Ron gratefully sprinted past Harry and the front door. Harry remained standing beyond the gate, his piercing green eyes looking at me with an intensity that warded off more of the morning chill than a robe ever could.
"Did you hear what I said, Hermione?" he asked, suddenly shy.
I walked towards him, pulling my robe closer, although I wasn't as cold as I was before. "I heard you the first time you said it. And the next time, and the time after that."
He grinned and I stopped on the other side of the gate. "I just wanted to make sure you heard me right, so there won't be any confusion."
"You'd really argue with Ron for me?" I joked, returning his smile.
"Yeah, I would." He sighed, then he reached out and caressed my cheek. I wanted so much to rest my face in his warm hands, to feel him cup my face and pull me in for a kiss, but I was still scared. And Harry could sense it.
"What's wrong? Don't you believe me?"
I shook my head. "I don't know, Harry. I'm scared - I don't know what to think or feel. I want to believe you so much but I can't help thinking..." I took a deep breath, touching my hand to his. "You're still Harry Potter, I can never change who you are. Women will still throw themselves at you, Harry - women who are so much more beautiful and prettier and sexier and more of everything than I can ever be. Sometimes I wish you weren't who you are, or you weren't as handsome as you are because then I'd have you all to myself. But you can't change what you are now and it scares me to think that, even if you tell me now that you won't hurt me, you might...and I can't handle it if you're playing around or you're still a bit unsure of how you feel about me."
He placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head to meet his. "Will this convince you?" he whispered as he leaned toward me, his lips touching mine in the gentlest of kisses.
Magic.
And not the magic that we learned at Hogwarts. It was that indescribable brand of magic that made your whole world go into slow motion with strains of 'Goodnight, My Someone' playing in the air.
And I kissed him back with everything I felt. I opened my mouth to welcome him inside and his tongue searched mine hungrily. He tasted sweet, like I always imagined him to taste like. His arms went around my waist, pulling me closer to him but the gate obstructed our closeness and the cold metal bit into my skin that it jogged my mind back to functioning. I laid a hand on Harry's chest and gently pushed him away.
We both pulled away. I was breathless and when I opened my eyes, Harry still had his closed. He had a smile on his face and he licked his lips before opening his eyes. His arms were still around me, not allowing me to move from his embrace.
"I've been wanting to do that for four years," he murmured, planting a kiss on my forehead. Just his slightest touch was magic. "I've played it so many times in my head, but finally doing it is a million times better."
"So you did think of me after I left?" I teased him, remembering my parting words to him in my farewell letter.
Harry smiled and kissed me again before answering. "I couldn't think of anything else. You've got me tied to the noose and I haven't even asked you to marry me yet."
I jumped at the word and he took it as a good sign. "Would you say yes if I asked you to marry me?"
"Why? Are you asking?"
"I might be," he led on.
"I might say yes. I really don't know yet," I teased.
"But you do love me, too, right?"
I cocked my head to the side. "What do you think?"
"I think you do."
"You sound so sure of yourself, Mr. Potter."
"You're the only thing I'm sure of, Hermione - today and for the rest of our lives," he whispered before leaning down to kiss me again.
And when I kissed him back, I kissed him with all the love I felt, from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Harry loves me. *Me*! Brilliant and beautiful (at least, that's what Harry said) Hermione Granger. And Harry made me feel beautiful.
"I love you, Harry."
"I love you back."
***************
A/N: Epilogue and VERY IMPORTANT author's note still ahead!
That's for you to find out - but I've racked my brain to come up with *THE* most heart-touching, "awww..." ending I can come up with so you guys will always remember me and have my fic in your hearts for the next several days...or weeks...or months...or years... :)
Please don't skip the A/N at the bottom.
CHAPTER 14:
I had made up my mind before I closed my eyes to let sleep come take me away. I have had enough of this. I had been home for less than two weeks and already I felt so wasted, so tired, so...hopeless, not to mention alone. My little 'talk' with Dad was a revelation. Harry could never love me in the same way that I loved him - in that go-out-of-your-mind, crazy, passionate, hurting way. I mean, why would he want me when he could have someone so exquisitely beautiful and amazing like Blaise...or Lavender...or Diana...or all those other women he's been with?
It's like saying you're choosing Jack Black to Brad Pitt.
There's only so much rejection a girl could take, and I have reached my breaking point. Tomorrow, I will start a new life. I've thought about moving somewhere in France - Paris or Provence, maybe. It really doesn't matter where. I fell in love with France when I visited it once before, during the summer before our third year. I think I first realized my more- than-friendly feelings for Harry there. Perhaps I could also lose it there.
I turned around in my bed, my back facing the wall, as I stared at the photographs on my wall. I'll also have to start hiding those pictures of Harry, too. Just seeing him so happy and handsome in a photograph made my heart ache and my eyes well up with tears.
A photograph. It will probably be the closest I'll ever be to him.
I can't be his best friend anymore. I just can't. I'm tired of this pretending that I'm fine whenever he's around when all I can think about is the feel of his lips on mine, the heat of his hands on my body...
But more than that, I'm tired of waiting to hear the words I know he'll never get around to saying.
Not to me anyway.
I closed my eyes to prevent my tears from falling. I've cried for him too much already.
Harry - the only man I've ever cried over. We've had our happier moments, of course. Summers spent at the Burrow or at Diagon Alley were one of the happiest of my life, spent with two of my very best friends in the whole wide world. But somewhere along the road, Harry had ceased becoming just my best friend. And I had stopped being his once I admitted to myself that I wanted more - so much more - from him. How platonic can a friendship be if you found yourself wanting your best friend in a way best friends are never supposed to want each other?
But it's over - this thing with Harry, before it ever really began. I have to stop it before he hurts me again. I've already had more than my fair share of pain and I certainly don't want to cry again.
/Tomorrow.../ I thought, closing my eyes, awaiting a deep and restless sleep to enfold me.
/Tomorrow, I forget about Harry. Tomorrow, I'll stop loving Harry.../
/I have to.../
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
I could hear him, hear Harry calling me in my dreams. He was calling my name but he was so far way...
*Please, Harry, don't do this. I don't want to do this anymore. Leave me alone.*
His face swam in my mind as he continued to call my name.
*Please, leave me alone, Harry. I don't want to cry anymore, I'm tired...so tired...*
But he didn't leave and I felt myself shudder visibly. I was shaking.
Or being shook.
I opened my eyes to find Mum sitting right beside me, shaking me awake. Dad stood in the doorway, his dark terry robes wrapped around him. His eyes were tired, but smiling and there was a peculiar glint in his eyes as he looked at me.
"He's been down there for several minutes already, the neighbors are starting to yell at him," Mum was telling me as I shook off my drowsiness. Dad nodded his head toward my window and that's when I heard it.
"HERMIONE!" Harry's voice yelled from the street. "HERMIONE! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!"
"What is he *doing*?" I asked incredulously, sitting up on my bed, turned in the direction of my window. "How long has he been out there?"
Dad walked over to me, his hands in his robes' pockets. "A good couple of minutes. Ron's down there with him."
"Then why isn't he stopping Harry?"
"I don't think Harry wants to be stopped," Dad replied so evenly, it surprised me.
"HERMIONE!" Harry was yelling once again. "HERMIONE!"
"Sod off!" a neighbor yelled back. "It's 2 in the morning! Let the people get some sleep!"
But Harry was persistent. "HERMIONE!"
"That's it!" I heard Mrs. Martin, our neighbor from across the road, threaten. "I'm calling the police!"
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed. I didn't want to see Harry, but I couldn't let him be taken by the cops as well. I got to my feet, fumbled around for my robe before opening my window.
"HERMIONE!"
I raised my window, pushing aside my curtains, and stuck my head in the drafty morning air. I spotted Ron, sitting on the sidewalk, his head resting on his hands, smiling broadly. For some weird reason, I wanted to hit him.
Harry was standing in the middle of the street, wearing black trousers and a creased, button-down shirt that he didn't tuck inside his trousers. He looked as if he had gone out in a hurry, his hair more disheveled than usual, his glasses askew - but his face, his face was brighter.
"Harry!" I hissed, pulling my robe around me to keep the chill away. "What do you think you're doing?"
He stopped just as he was bracing himself for another impressive yell. He looked at me, those beautiful green eyes shining in the fading moonlight. He took a deep breath. "Look at her, Ron," he said, his eyes not leaving mine. "Have you ever seen anyone more beautiful?"
I felt my heart jump to my throat. He's never said anything like that to me before. But I'm far from getting my hopes up again.
"Thank you," I whispered. I blinked several times before continuing. "What are you doing here?" I repeated.
He stepped forward, stopping just beyond the gate. "I wanted to...explain. About last night."
I could feel the tears beginning to build up within me. "You don't have to explain anything to me, Harry..."
"Please, let me finish. You have to hear what I have to say because if you don't then..." he paused, finding himself unable to continue what he was about to say. "Last night - last night, I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I allowed myself to be swept away by the temptation of another woman because I was weak. I admit it, Hermione, I was attracted to her and she drove me to heights I never imagined I could go. But she had one flaw -"
Blaise had a flaw? If someone as perfect as she was could have a flaw, what more could I have to offer him?
"She wasn't you."
I stared blankly at him, refusing to register what he had just announced to my whole block. "I'm in love with you, Hermione Granger. I love everything about you. I love the way you walk and the way you talk. I think your voice is the most beautiful in the world and I could hear you speak every day of my life. I love the way your hair shines when the sun hits it, I love it even more when the moon comes up and it frames your beautiful face so perfectly that I just want to reach out and kiss you. I love the way your nose wrinkles a little when you laugh. In fact, I love your nose. I've wanted to kiss the tip of your nose for the last four years. I love the way you carry yourself when you enter a room. I love the way you dress and worry if the dress doesn't fit you or not." Harry smiled. "I love the way you bite your lower lip when you're nervous or scared. I love the way you read so intently, like you're trying to discover something new when you read 'Hogwarts: A History' for the nine hundredth time. I love the way I could just drown in your eyes everytime I see you look at me. I love the way you're just so generous and helpful and ready to give until it hurts. I love the way you smile, as if everything is all right in the world..."
"Harry..." I began, but my voice only came out in a barely audible whisper.
"I love you, Hermione," Harry said. "And if you love me, too, I promise to always be faithful to you. If you love me, I promise I'll hold you close everyday before we go off to work and hold you even closer when I see you again at the end of the day.
If you love me, I promise to be the first one you see when you wake up in the morning and the last one you'll see before your eyes close and I'm holding your hand as you go to sleep. If you love me, I promise I'll always side with you whenever you and Ron will argue and I'll make sure you always win. If you love me, I'll argue with Ron for you! I don't mind.
If you love me, I promise to build you a home where we can raise our children who will all be as beautiful and as intelligent as their mum. I even promise to let your Mum and Dad live with us if they want, so they can spend their days with their grandchildren. If you love me, I promise to show you everyday how beautiful you really are and kiss you with renewed passion. If you love me, I promise to give you my heart, my soul, my mind - my everything. If you love me, I swear never to hurt you or make you cry again.
And I'll do this even if you don't love me - because I love you."
He turned around to face the block, his arms raised in triumph. "Did everybody hear that? I LOVE YOU, HERMIONE GRANGER! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE..."
Harry stopped, once more facing the window and his face fell when he saw the I wasn't there.
But I had run downstairs to open the front door. "Ron, Harry, come in," I called. "Come on in, I think Mrs. Martin's already called the police."
Ron gratefully sprinted past Harry and the front door. Harry remained standing beyond the gate, his piercing green eyes looking at me with an intensity that warded off more of the morning chill than a robe ever could.
"Did you hear what I said, Hermione?" he asked, suddenly shy.
I walked towards him, pulling my robe closer, although I wasn't as cold as I was before. "I heard you the first time you said it. And the next time, and the time after that."
He grinned and I stopped on the other side of the gate. "I just wanted to make sure you heard me right, so there won't be any confusion."
"You'd really argue with Ron for me?" I joked, returning his smile.
"Yeah, I would." He sighed, then he reached out and caressed my cheek. I wanted so much to rest my face in his warm hands, to feel him cup my face and pull me in for a kiss, but I was still scared. And Harry could sense it.
"What's wrong? Don't you believe me?"
I shook my head. "I don't know, Harry. I'm scared - I don't know what to think or feel. I want to believe you so much but I can't help thinking..." I took a deep breath, touching my hand to his. "You're still Harry Potter, I can never change who you are. Women will still throw themselves at you, Harry - women who are so much more beautiful and prettier and sexier and more of everything than I can ever be. Sometimes I wish you weren't who you are, or you weren't as handsome as you are because then I'd have you all to myself. But you can't change what you are now and it scares me to think that, even if you tell me now that you won't hurt me, you might...and I can't handle it if you're playing around or you're still a bit unsure of how you feel about me."
He placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head to meet his. "Will this convince you?" he whispered as he leaned toward me, his lips touching mine in the gentlest of kisses.
Magic.
And not the magic that we learned at Hogwarts. It was that indescribable brand of magic that made your whole world go into slow motion with strains of 'Goodnight, My Someone' playing in the air.
And I kissed him back with everything I felt. I opened my mouth to welcome him inside and his tongue searched mine hungrily. He tasted sweet, like I always imagined him to taste like. His arms went around my waist, pulling me closer to him but the gate obstructed our closeness and the cold metal bit into my skin that it jogged my mind back to functioning. I laid a hand on Harry's chest and gently pushed him away.
We both pulled away. I was breathless and when I opened my eyes, Harry still had his closed. He had a smile on his face and he licked his lips before opening his eyes. His arms were still around me, not allowing me to move from his embrace.
"I've been wanting to do that for four years," he murmured, planting a kiss on my forehead. Just his slightest touch was magic. "I've played it so many times in my head, but finally doing it is a million times better."
"So you did think of me after I left?" I teased him, remembering my parting words to him in my farewell letter.
Harry smiled and kissed me again before answering. "I couldn't think of anything else. You've got me tied to the noose and I haven't even asked you to marry me yet."
I jumped at the word and he took it as a good sign. "Would you say yes if I asked you to marry me?"
"Why? Are you asking?"
"I might be," he led on.
"I might say yes. I really don't know yet," I teased.
"But you do love me, too, right?"
I cocked my head to the side. "What do you think?"
"I think you do."
"You sound so sure of yourself, Mr. Potter."
"You're the only thing I'm sure of, Hermione - today and for the rest of our lives," he whispered before leaning down to kiss me again.
And when I kissed him back, I kissed him with all the love I felt, from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Harry loves me. *Me*! Brilliant and beautiful (at least, that's what Harry said) Hermione Granger. And Harry made me feel beautiful.
"I love you, Harry."
"I love you back."
***************
A/N: Epilogue and VERY IMPORTANT author's note still ahead!