Fluffy the Vampire Slayer
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the Buffy characters. I do own Fluffy, but not in this context. If anyone affiliated with the actual making of Buffy read this, I'm very sorry.
Faith was still in jail after she came out of her coma. She was having some memory issues, otherwise she would've remembered how easy it'd be for her to escape the jail.
The other prisoners didn't like Faith very much. So they decided to kill her. They all got together and killed Faith. Which meant that a new slayer had to be chosen.
The new slayer's name was Fluffy. The watcher's council told Giles to go and tell her about her new career in killing. So he went to LA, where Fluffy lived with her family.
He went to Fluffy's house. It was a very nice house, with a picket fence and a big green lawn (it was actually in a suburb of LA). Giles went up to Fluffy's door and rang the doorbell. What kind of sick people name their child Fluffy, thought Giles.
A teenage girl with long brown hair answered the door. "What?" she said, clearly not all too pleased to see Giles.
"Yes, I'm looking for Fluffy," Giles said, thinking that this girl must be Fluffy.
"Just a minute," the girl said. "Fluffy," she called down the hall, "You have a visitor!"
A tabby cat came and sat in the doorway. The girl walked away. "Is Fluffy coming?" asked Giles.
"That is Fluffy," said the girl. She left.
"Er... Fluffy..." Giles said. Fluffy blinked. "Let's go for a walk."
"Meow," said Fluffy, walking out the door. Giles shut it since Fluffy couldn't reach the doorknob.
"Er... Fluffy, do you know what a Vampire slayer is?" Giles asked.
"Meow," said Fluffy.
"Well, it's one... girl in all the world chosen to keep the dark forces of evil down and all... and it's you!"
"Meow," said Fluffy, who had been having a difficult time cutting through all the red tape involved in enrolling in English-as-a-second- language school.
"Is that all you can bloody say," Giles cried.
"Meow," said Fluffy. (If you spoke Cat, you'd know that Fluffy had actually said, "who the hell are you," "Is this about the dead poodle down the street? 'Cause is swear I didn't do it," "Did you escape from a home or something," and "At least I don't have a Nancy-boy accent like you!")
"That's it, I quit," Giles said, since he didn't understand Cat and it was really pissing him off. He was supposed to be good at everything!
So Giles went back to England. The watcher's council didn't like that much, since Fluffy was the slayer and needed to be trained, so they sent someone else who was "more qualified for the job." His name was Shiles, and he was also a cat, but he had gotten into those English as a second language classes so he was much more compatible than Giles.
Shiles went to the nightclub where Fluffy and her friends hung out. It was called "The Fronze." Fluffy was having a good time.
"Fluffy," said Shiles, "My name is Mr. Shiles. The watcher's council sent me."
"Are you related to Giles?" Asked Fluffy. "'Cause I think you need to get him professional help or something. He was going on about vampires and demons and blahdy blahdy blah!"
"No, no, no, Fluffy! That's all true. You really are the Vampire Slayer." Shiles told her.
"So, I have, like, super powers and stuff? Cool!" Fluffy said. "I want my friends Chillow, Blander, and Bordelia to help me!" So Fluffy told Chillow, Blander and Bordelia about being the slayer, and they thought it was really cool, except for Bordelia who thought it made Fluffy a freak (since she certainly wasn't a wonderful cat/person/thing like some people would like to believe!)
Chillow, the nerdy one, decided that she would do lots and lots of computer research on demons since Shiles, despite being a talking cat with a passion for books, was afraid of technology, and then she decided to learn some spells and stuff. Blander, who was a pretty mundane person all in all, made lots and lots of wise cracks. And Fluffy killed vampires with pointy sticks and sometimes had nice puns to go along. Shiles taught her how to talk, too, since they thought it would be helpful in case Giles ever came back. They all enrolled in English-as-a-second-language school and Shiles became the librarian there.
One day, Fluffy was walking through the cemetery when a vampire-cat type thing came out.
"Hi!" Said the vampire-cat.
"Hi," said Fluffy. "I'm going to kill you now, because you're a vampire and that's just what I do."
"Don't kill me," said the vampire-cat. "I am a vampire-cat with a soul! My name is Gangel."
And Fluffy, since she was a very intelligent cat/slayer, believed him and they began a meaningful relationship in which said vampire-cat could do whatever he wanted without fear of losing his soul. Which was good, because cats have needs too, after all.
Chillow met a nice cat named Boz, who soon found out about the slaying. Boz didn't talk much, be it in English or in cat, but he had a band and he was very good at slaying, even if he did have to repeat English- as-a-second-language school since he skipped a lot before he met Chillow. One day Boz's cousin bit him, and turned him into a werewolf/cat, so they had to put Boz in a special cat-carrier on days when there was a full moon. Chillow got really into the whole demon-supernatural thing and started practicing witchcraft.
Blander had a crush on Fluffy for a while, until he began to date Bordelia. The whole group and Gangel moved to a town called Sunnydale, because LA was boring and Shiles said they needed to be near the so-called hell-mouth anyhow. And they went just to shut up Shiles, because he was very boring when he made his long, dull speeches.
Once in Sunnydale the enrolled in the Sunnydale branch of English-as- a-second-language school, where someone named Nyder worked as principal. Nyder was very, very annoying and they didn't like him at all. He thought that the English-as-a-second-language school was like high school, so he organized a prom and everything, which was very exciting since, being cats, Fluffy and the others had never had a prom.
Chillow and Blander helped each other pick out appropriate prom- clothes (also difficult when one is a cat), but they began making out in their formalwear. And soon it had become a normal, everyday thing for them to do.
Boz and Bordelia found out. Needless to say, they were not very happy about it. Boz decided to forgive Chillow, since Chillow had to put up with his being a werewolf/cat after all, but Bordelia dumped Blander. Bordelia was very hurt (no one did this to her. She was Bordelia, queen of everything!) and called upon Lanyanka, the cat vengeance demon, to give her some vengeance. But that didn't work out for her and Lanyanka lost her powers, becoming Lanya and beginning a relationship with Blander that entailed a whole lot of crazy sex.
They were very happy in Sunnydale for a while, until one night in the cemetery they ran into a girl with a bunch of people. She was slaying vampires with pointy sticks, too.
"Who are you?" Said Fluffy, who had excelled at English-as-a-second- language school.
"Does everyone else see the talking cat?" Asked the girl to her friends.
"Yes," said her male friend.
"My name is Fluffy," said Fluffy. "I am a vampire slayer. These are my friends, Chillow the witch, Boz the werewolf/cat, Blander the... Blander, and Lanya the ex-demon/cat."
"No way!" said the girl. "My name is Buffy, and I am a vampire slayer. These are my friends, Xander, Willow the witch, and Anya the ex- demon."
"Oh," said Fluffy, "and this is Shiles my watcher and Gangel, my vampire/cat with a soul boyfriend."
"Wow! I had a vampire with a soul boyfriend once," said Buffy. "His name was Angel. But he lost his soul when we had sex and left me forever." Buffy sighed.
"Gangel and I can do whatever we want without worrying that Gangel will lose his soul," Fluffy said proudly. "We have sex all the time."
Buffy started to flirt with Gangel, since he was the closest thing to a decent boyfriend she could find right then.
"Hey! That is my boyfriend with a soul," said Fluffy, and she and the others beat Buffy down. Because you never try to steal a cat's man, especially if said cat is a vampire slayer.
Around this point, Boz left town to identify with his inner-werewolf and Chillow turned gay and got together with someone named Fara. Fara was also a witch-cat, and they got into lots of deep and crazy magic. Which was a whole lot of fun if you didn't look at how dangerous it could have been.
Then, Gangel went to hell on business. He promised to be back in a few weeks. And of course, this event meant nothing to his relationship with Fluffy, because it certainly didn't have anything to do with him ending the world or losing his soul. His soul was practically impossible to lose!
But, during this time a very annoying cat named Driley showed up. He was part of covert military operations and wanted to be Fluffy's boyfriend. Fluffy, being much smarter then her human counterpart, immediately saw how dumb and annoying Driley was. So she locked him up in Boz's old cat-carrier and when Gangel came home they did all sorts of awful, horrid things to him.
It was a lot of great and joyful fun.
So Fluffy never died or had any of those silly apocalypses to deal with. She was very happy in her slayer-existence, and she was the best vampire-slayer ever.
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the Buffy characters. I do own Fluffy, but not in this context. If anyone affiliated with the actual making of Buffy read this, I'm very sorry.
Faith was still in jail after she came out of her coma. She was having some memory issues, otherwise she would've remembered how easy it'd be for her to escape the jail.
The other prisoners didn't like Faith very much. So they decided to kill her. They all got together and killed Faith. Which meant that a new slayer had to be chosen.
The new slayer's name was Fluffy. The watcher's council told Giles to go and tell her about her new career in killing. So he went to LA, where Fluffy lived with her family.
He went to Fluffy's house. It was a very nice house, with a picket fence and a big green lawn (it was actually in a suburb of LA). Giles went up to Fluffy's door and rang the doorbell. What kind of sick people name their child Fluffy, thought Giles.
A teenage girl with long brown hair answered the door. "What?" she said, clearly not all too pleased to see Giles.
"Yes, I'm looking for Fluffy," Giles said, thinking that this girl must be Fluffy.
"Just a minute," the girl said. "Fluffy," she called down the hall, "You have a visitor!"
A tabby cat came and sat in the doorway. The girl walked away. "Is Fluffy coming?" asked Giles.
"That is Fluffy," said the girl. She left.
"Er... Fluffy..." Giles said. Fluffy blinked. "Let's go for a walk."
"Meow," said Fluffy, walking out the door. Giles shut it since Fluffy couldn't reach the doorknob.
"Er... Fluffy, do you know what a Vampire slayer is?" Giles asked.
"Meow," said Fluffy.
"Well, it's one... girl in all the world chosen to keep the dark forces of evil down and all... and it's you!"
"Meow," said Fluffy, who had been having a difficult time cutting through all the red tape involved in enrolling in English-as-a-second- language school.
"Is that all you can bloody say," Giles cried.
"Meow," said Fluffy. (If you spoke Cat, you'd know that Fluffy had actually said, "who the hell are you," "Is this about the dead poodle down the street? 'Cause is swear I didn't do it," "Did you escape from a home or something," and "At least I don't have a Nancy-boy accent like you!")
"That's it, I quit," Giles said, since he didn't understand Cat and it was really pissing him off. He was supposed to be good at everything!
So Giles went back to England. The watcher's council didn't like that much, since Fluffy was the slayer and needed to be trained, so they sent someone else who was "more qualified for the job." His name was Shiles, and he was also a cat, but he had gotten into those English as a second language classes so he was much more compatible than Giles.
Shiles went to the nightclub where Fluffy and her friends hung out. It was called "The Fronze." Fluffy was having a good time.
"Fluffy," said Shiles, "My name is Mr. Shiles. The watcher's council sent me."
"Are you related to Giles?" Asked Fluffy. "'Cause I think you need to get him professional help or something. He was going on about vampires and demons and blahdy blahdy blah!"
"No, no, no, Fluffy! That's all true. You really are the Vampire Slayer." Shiles told her.
"So, I have, like, super powers and stuff? Cool!" Fluffy said. "I want my friends Chillow, Blander, and Bordelia to help me!" So Fluffy told Chillow, Blander and Bordelia about being the slayer, and they thought it was really cool, except for Bordelia who thought it made Fluffy a freak (since she certainly wasn't a wonderful cat/person/thing like some people would like to believe!)
Chillow, the nerdy one, decided that she would do lots and lots of computer research on demons since Shiles, despite being a talking cat with a passion for books, was afraid of technology, and then she decided to learn some spells and stuff. Blander, who was a pretty mundane person all in all, made lots and lots of wise cracks. And Fluffy killed vampires with pointy sticks and sometimes had nice puns to go along. Shiles taught her how to talk, too, since they thought it would be helpful in case Giles ever came back. They all enrolled in English-as-a-second-language school and Shiles became the librarian there.
One day, Fluffy was walking through the cemetery when a vampire-cat type thing came out.
"Hi!" Said the vampire-cat.
"Hi," said Fluffy. "I'm going to kill you now, because you're a vampire and that's just what I do."
"Don't kill me," said the vampire-cat. "I am a vampire-cat with a soul! My name is Gangel."
And Fluffy, since she was a very intelligent cat/slayer, believed him and they began a meaningful relationship in which said vampire-cat could do whatever he wanted without fear of losing his soul. Which was good, because cats have needs too, after all.
Chillow met a nice cat named Boz, who soon found out about the slaying. Boz didn't talk much, be it in English or in cat, but he had a band and he was very good at slaying, even if he did have to repeat English- as-a-second-language school since he skipped a lot before he met Chillow. One day Boz's cousin bit him, and turned him into a werewolf/cat, so they had to put Boz in a special cat-carrier on days when there was a full moon. Chillow got really into the whole demon-supernatural thing and started practicing witchcraft.
Blander had a crush on Fluffy for a while, until he began to date Bordelia. The whole group and Gangel moved to a town called Sunnydale, because LA was boring and Shiles said they needed to be near the so-called hell-mouth anyhow. And they went just to shut up Shiles, because he was very boring when he made his long, dull speeches.
Once in Sunnydale the enrolled in the Sunnydale branch of English-as- a-second-language school, where someone named Nyder worked as principal. Nyder was very, very annoying and they didn't like him at all. He thought that the English-as-a-second-language school was like high school, so he organized a prom and everything, which was very exciting since, being cats, Fluffy and the others had never had a prom.
Chillow and Blander helped each other pick out appropriate prom- clothes (also difficult when one is a cat), but they began making out in their formalwear. And soon it had become a normal, everyday thing for them to do.
Boz and Bordelia found out. Needless to say, they were not very happy about it. Boz decided to forgive Chillow, since Chillow had to put up with his being a werewolf/cat after all, but Bordelia dumped Blander. Bordelia was very hurt (no one did this to her. She was Bordelia, queen of everything!) and called upon Lanyanka, the cat vengeance demon, to give her some vengeance. But that didn't work out for her and Lanyanka lost her powers, becoming Lanya and beginning a relationship with Blander that entailed a whole lot of crazy sex.
They were very happy in Sunnydale for a while, until one night in the cemetery they ran into a girl with a bunch of people. She was slaying vampires with pointy sticks, too.
"Who are you?" Said Fluffy, who had excelled at English-as-a-second- language school.
"Does everyone else see the talking cat?" Asked the girl to her friends.
"Yes," said her male friend.
"My name is Fluffy," said Fluffy. "I am a vampire slayer. These are my friends, Chillow the witch, Boz the werewolf/cat, Blander the... Blander, and Lanya the ex-demon/cat."
"No way!" said the girl. "My name is Buffy, and I am a vampire slayer. These are my friends, Xander, Willow the witch, and Anya the ex- demon."
"Oh," said Fluffy, "and this is Shiles my watcher and Gangel, my vampire/cat with a soul boyfriend."
"Wow! I had a vampire with a soul boyfriend once," said Buffy. "His name was Angel. But he lost his soul when we had sex and left me forever." Buffy sighed.
"Gangel and I can do whatever we want without worrying that Gangel will lose his soul," Fluffy said proudly. "We have sex all the time."
Buffy started to flirt with Gangel, since he was the closest thing to a decent boyfriend she could find right then.
"Hey! That is my boyfriend with a soul," said Fluffy, and she and the others beat Buffy down. Because you never try to steal a cat's man, especially if said cat is a vampire slayer.
Around this point, Boz left town to identify with his inner-werewolf and Chillow turned gay and got together with someone named Fara. Fara was also a witch-cat, and they got into lots of deep and crazy magic. Which was a whole lot of fun if you didn't look at how dangerous it could have been.
Then, Gangel went to hell on business. He promised to be back in a few weeks. And of course, this event meant nothing to his relationship with Fluffy, because it certainly didn't have anything to do with him ending the world or losing his soul. His soul was practically impossible to lose!
But, during this time a very annoying cat named Driley showed up. He was part of covert military operations and wanted to be Fluffy's boyfriend. Fluffy, being much smarter then her human counterpart, immediately saw how dumb and annoying Driley was. So she locked him up in Boz's old cat-carrier and when Gangel came home they did all sorts of awful, horrid things to him.
It was a lot of great and joyful fun.
So Fluffy never died or had any of those silly apocalypses to deal with. She was very happy in her slayer-existence, and she was the best vampire-slayer ever.