**Wow, I could get this story done really quickly . . . But I'm still
STRUGGLING to make the chapters longer.**
**Hopefully, I'll make this longer.**
**Here, we go, DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters except for Kree. Not the Harry Potter or Invader Zim characters. Dudley's uniform is also JK Rowling's, not mine.**
**Krazi Taco Girl: I'm glad you liked it. ^.^ Well I'll keep you in suspense on who the rest of the characters and cast of Invader Zim will play, and /especially/ Zim. All I can say about him is "things are not always what they seem".and so are motives. And here's your second moment of fame and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**
**Maran Zelde: Thanks for reviewing! You're right about Kree being Hermione, but like Krazi Taco Girl, I'll have to keep you in suspense. I hope this one is as funny and enjoyable as the last chapter for you.**
**And yes, I have a request to anyone who may be reading this: please recommend this story to other readers if you liked it, so more people are able to read this piece of insanity. . . **
**Enjoy!**
**Kree**
Dib had never been punished at home in his life. Maybe his sister might torture and torment him, but his father never had time for him and his mother died too early. Ms. Bitters punished him, but never at home had he experienced a REAL punishment. Now, he was grounded for a month and he had to stay in the cupboard for all his free time, when he was eating, but not when he had to go to the bathroom and go to school.
By the time that was over, summer vacation had begun. Dudley's friends came every day to pick on him and chase him around the house with the stashed smoke machines in the upstairs closet. Dib spent as much of his time outside the house and walked around the town.
Everyday he spent more with the Dursleys, the less and less it seemed as if this was a dream and if he ever was gonna wake up. He began to think differently now. Maybe this was some kind of different dimension or different world. Or maybe, it was all an illusion. Or maybe, he had gone insane.
He gulped at the next thought: Maybe he was already dead. Maybe this was the next part of life and he was trapped here forever.
He sat on a bench and looked around this new town. He missed his old town and home incredulously, the place where he had lived all his life. He saw two kids running down the street together, laughing. He wondered what Kree was doing right now. He missed her, he missed Gaz, and he even missed his dad. Heck, he even missed Zim.
He learned that here, his last name was "Potter". He learned when he asked the Dursleys what happened to his parents, they would yell and scold him and bring out their lasers and smoke machines. He learned that even though Dudley was a big, fat, idiotic, kid, he had a favorite sport: Dibby Hunting. He found out that he was TEN years old, instead of eleven. He also learned that wherever he went, he was an outcast. No matter where he went, when he went, people would cast him out so he had a miserable time a Stonewall Elementary just as he did at his own skool before Kree.
He sighed as he stood up and started walking 'home". He trudged down slowly, with his head looking down.
It was July now, and Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London and they bought him a Smellings uniform, his uniform to school. When Dib heard the name of the school, he burst into laughter but that Aunt Petunia gave him a quick slap with her claws. But looking at Dudley produced a much harder feat to hold back the laugh.
There was Dudley prancing and skipping around the living room with his maroon tailcoats, orange kinickerbockers, flat straw hats called boaters, and a yellow colored shirt that said "SMELL". They also had knobbly sticks to hit each with when the adults weren't looking.
The next day. Dib saw Aunt Petunia with a metal in the sink. There was a disgusting smell coming from it and there seemed to be dirty rags swimming in gray water.
"What's that?" He asked. He wondered if she would penalize him for asking a question like that.
"Your new school uniform, unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to die it purple, but these days, the schools want ugly colors and NEVER USE PURPLE!" [Port Jeff!!!! Woohooo! Purple and White!]
Dib groaned as he walked to the table and took a seat. He couldn't imagine wearing something like THAT . . .
Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in and sat down too. Then they heard the click of the mail slot open and the floppy sound of the mail drop on the doormat.
"Get the mail, Dudley!" Uncle Vernon ordered.
"NO!!!! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME SO MANY HARD QUESTIONS! WAHHHHH!!!!" And Dudley ran out crying and yelling.
"Dib, get the mail, your cousin is too emotionally hurt to do anything."
"Dudley has two legs, he can get it." Dib retorted.
"HE'S EMOTIONALLY HURT!"
"NO DUH! HE ALWAYS IS!"
"DUDLEY! GET HERE NOW!" Uncle Vernon screamed and Dudley came trudging to the kitchen. "Use the POKE OF DOOM with your Smelling stick, Dudley."
Dib quickly jumped to dodge the stick and slowly trudged to wear the mail had been dropped. "I wonder if they're subscribed to UFO USA." He thought to himself. He picked up the letters and started scanning through them. One of them was a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister, Mirge, and there were a few bills, Uncle Vernon's snack magazine, and than he picked up-a letter for him.
He stared at it with a jaw dropped. Who could be writing to him? Nobody knew him here and he didn't seem to have any friends here. Did somebody else know he was here? Was he finally saved?
The envelope was thick and heavy and made of yellowish kind of parchment. There was no stamps and the address to the house was in emerald green pen. The Address looked liked this:
Mr. D. Potter
The Cupboard under the Stairs
4 Piggey Drive
Little Rignging
Surrender
There was a coat of arms for the seal. It was bearing a coat of arms with a fox, rabbit, squirrel, and a rat surrounding the letter "P".
"HURRY UP!! I WANT TO SEE IF MY SNACKS MAGAZINE CAME IN THE MAIL YET!" Uncle Vernon yelled from the kitchen.
Dib walked back to the kitchen, handing Uncle Vernon his mail and he sat down. He began to open the letter. As Uncle Vernon began reading his snack magazine, Dudley asked,
"Dad, why is my face a peach color?"
"Because you were born that disgusting way!"
"Then how come your face is green? Why isn't my face green? Mom's face is green!"
"I don't know why you're skin is peach!!!!! It's your mother's fault! Now shaddup!"
"DAD! Dib's got something!" Dudley wailed.
"Don't bother me!!! I'm reading!!!!" Uncle Vernon shouted.
"But he's got something!!"
"Fine! I'll bother myself for your pathetic complaints!" Uncle Vernon sneered. He tore the letter from Dib's hands and opened it. As he read it, his green face turned a weird shade of purple. [Purple: HEY!!!!! PURPLE IS NOT A WEIRD COLOR!!!] "P-Petunia!"
Aunt Petunia rushed to his side and squeaked. "Vernon! Oh my goodness!"
"Give me my letter!!" Dib yelled as he tackled Uncle Vernon to the floor. "IT'S MINE! IT HAS MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, AND IT'S MINE!"
Aunt Petunia dug her claws into Dib's skin so he got off Uncle Vernon. "OUT!" Uncle Vernon yelled as he panted. He and Dudley did go out, but they still decided to spy on them. Dib was already used to spying on Zim, so this wasn't that hard . . .
"Vernon," Aunt Petunia screeches. "LOOK AT THE ADDRESS! HOW DO THEY KNOW WHERE HE SLEEPS??? THEY'RE SPYING ON US! SPYING!!!" She waved her hands into the air wildly. "WHAT SHOULD WE DO?"
"We'll just ignore it! And I'll set up a security system! We won't have one in this house! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?"
Later on in the evening, Uncle Vernon went to the cupboard where Dib was in. "Where is my letter? I want to read it! What have you done with it?" He demanded furiously.
"It wasn't yours. It was addressed to you by mistake so I burned it with my lasers."
"IT WASN'T A MISTAKE! THEY ADDRESSED MY CUBOARD ON IT!!!"
"SILENCE!!!!! OR I WILL BRING MY LASERS UPON YOU!" Uncle Vernon yelled and held his professional posture. "Anyway, your aunt and I have been thinking about your cupboard, and we think you're a bit too big for it. After all, your head IS big . . ."
"MYHEAD IS NOT BIG!"
"SILENCE! We want you to move into Dudley's second bedroom."
"Why?"
"SHADDUP! Now go!!"
Dib trudged up the stairs, a bit confused, but he did feel almost relieved. He had begun to forget how it felt like to be sleeping in a normal room, even if it was the smallest one in the house. Dib did hear Dudley's whining and complaining all night though, since it was where Dudley kept all his stuff as well. "I DON'T WANT HIM IN THERE! I DON'T!!!!! IT'S MY BEDROOM! GET HIM OUT OF THERE!" And he began to cry and cry.
The next day at breakfast, Dudley continued his bawling and his temper tantrums and somehow gotten hold of Uncle Vernon's lasers. First, he made an awful mess shooting them around the house. He screamed, whacked Uncle Vernon with his Smellings stick, threw up on purpose, took Uncle Vernon's lasers and burned a squirrel, kicked Aunt Petunia, and he still didn't have his room back. When the mail arrived, Uncle Vernon made Dudley get it, trying to get Dudley out of the room for once.
But Dudley yelled from the hallway, "look! There's another one! "Mr. D. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Piggy Drive-"
Uncle Vernon leapt from the kitchen and ran into the hallway with Dib running right behind him. Dib eventually got him front of him since he was smaller but Uncle Vernon held him back. He and Dib fought over the letter for awhile, but Uncle Vernon unfortunately did win.
"GO TO YOUR BEDROOMS! Uncle Vernon yelled.
Dib disappointedly walked to the bedroom, but a plan flashed before his eyes. It was perfect, and it was all so simple . . .
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dib woke up to an alarm clock at 6:00in the morning, turned the alarm off, dressed quickly, and tiptoed down the stairs. He always wished that he would look in his dresser, and there it would be: his blue happy noodle boy shirt and his black pants. Then he would see his black boots on the side of his bed and he would run to the closet and see his own beloved trenchcoat. But of course, that was just a dream, and a forgotten one at that. He couldn't wake the Dursleys. He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Piggy Drive and get the letters for number four first. He would run to the park and read the letters there. His heart thumped and thumped as he silently tiptoed down the dark hall to the front door and-
"AHHNHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! WHO'S THERE??????" Uncle Vernon yelled.
Dib was startled to see Uncle Vernon laying down there in a sleeping bag in front of the door. He began to shout at him and lecture him, and yell at him, and shout at him some more until he heard a strange noise out the door.
"AGH!" A voice was heard outside with a buzzing noise.
"Um, what was that?" Dib asked.
"That was my new security system." Uncle Vernon replied. He opened the doors and in front of them, they saw a pile of ashes with a mail bag next to it. Smoke rose from the ashes. "Ah, lasers are so efficient these days . . ."
Dib stared at him. "YOU FRIED THE MAILMAN?"
"Yeah? So?" Uncle Vernon smirked as he collected the mail bag and found the three letters that were addressed to Dib. He burned them with the lasers and went inside.
So for the rest of the week, numerous letters were making there way to the Piggy Drive. Uncle Vernon had to eventually shut off the security system because there were too many frequent complaints about missing postmen because it was looking a /bit/ suspicious. Finally, it was Sunday.
"Do you know why I just love Sundays?" Uncle Vernon asked gleefully at breakfast.
"No post?" Dib grumbled.
"EXACTLY!" He smirked. "HA! TOO BAD, DIB, NO CHANCE FOR YOU TO GET ONE TODAY!"
But of course, Uncle Vernon spoke too soon. A strange wooshing sound was heard coming down from the kitchen chimney. Everyone looked to the chimney as thirty or forty letters came pelting out of the fire place like LASER BEAMS. As all the Dursleys ducked, Dib jumped up trying to catch one.
"OUT!" Uncle Vernon yelled as he seized Dib around the waist and threw him into the hall. Everyone ran out of the room as Uncle Vernon slammed the door, because an angry Almighty Tallest Red, is not a safe one. "EVERYONE PACK SOME CLOTHES! WE'RE GOING AWAY!"
Everyone made no arguments and they were in the car in ten minutes. Dudley was crying and screaming in the back seat because his father hit him round the head when he tried to pack his TV, computer, and DVD player in his sports bag.
"WHY CAN'T WE JUST FRY THE BOY WITH LASERS?" Uncle Vernon shouted.
They drove and drove for a long time. They finally stopped halfway across the country at a hotel and they stayed there for the night. The next morning, after they had just finished breakfast downstairs, the owner of the hotel came over to them.
"Excuse, me, but who's Mr. D Potter? I've got thousands of these here at the front desk. You can come pick them up if you'd like."
She held up a letter that was addressed,
Mr. D. Potter
Room 1767
Vootview Hotel
Poopworth
Dib tried to grab the letter, but Uncle Vernon took it. "I'll take them."
They left the hotel later on and drove to the coast. Uncle Vernon parked the car, locked them inside, and disappeared as it began to rain.
Dudley began to rain tears as well. "It's Monday," he told his mother. "The Bloaty's Pizza Hog commercials are on tonight. I want to stay somewhere with a television! I WANT TO PLAY MY COMPUTER!!!"
Dib suddenly realized something: If it was Monday, it was July 29th. After being in school for so long and seeing many forms, he found out that his birthday wasn't in the winter like it was at his real home, but it was on July 30th. He would finally be eleven again, but he doubted that the Durselys would actually care anyway.
Uncle Vernon came back with a big grin on his face and a package in his hands. "I found it! I found the perfect place that those ruddy letters won't ever find us!! Come on out, everyone!" He motioned as everyone got out of the car. Uncle Vernon pointed to what looked like a large rock way out at sea and on top of it was the most ugly and dirty little shack that Dib ever set eyes on. And one thing was for sure, there was no television . .
. . "Horrible weather tonight, just horrible!" Uncle Vernon exclaimed quite happily. "We're going to across with this gentleman," he pointed to a toothless man beside them.
They rowed across the water, which was icy cold as it splashed and soaked them all. It felt like hours before they reached the rock, but they did. They quickly went inside, relieved to get out of the boat, but the cabin smelled horrible. There were only two rooms and the fireplace was damp and empty. The food turned out to be four bags of nacho chips and four bananas.
Dib tried to fall asleep quickly in the nasty surroundings but it was hard to with the smell, Dudley's snores, and the thunder outside. He was also incredulously hungry. He watched Dudley's watched as it ticked closer and closer to his birthday.
Five minutes to go, and he heard something creaked outside. Wonder what everyone was doing, back at home? Four minutes. . . . Did Kree miss him? Did Gaz?. . . . Three minutes to go, was that the sea, slapping hard on the rock like that? Two minutes to go, what was the funny crunching noise?
One minute to go . . . .Thirty seconds . . . . fifteen . . . .ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two one . . .
BANG!
The who shack seemed to tremble as Dib bolted upright like lightening. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.
**Finally, I'm done . . . .**
**plz review!**
**Kree**
**Hopefully, I'll make this longer.**
**Here, we go, DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters except for Kree. Not the Harry Potter or Invader Zim characters. Dudley's uniform is also JK Rowling's, not mine.**
**Krazi Taco Girl: I'm glad you liked it. ^.^ Well I'll keep you in suspense on who the rest of the characters and cast of Invader Zim will play, and /especially/ Zim. All I can say about him is "things are not always what they seem".and so are motives. And here's your second moment of fame and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**
**Maran Zelde: Thanks for reviewing! You're right about Kree being Hermione, but like Krazi Taco Girl, I'll have to keep you in suspense. I hope this one is as funny and enjoyable as the last chapter for you.**
**And yes, I have a request to anyone who may be reading this: please recommend this story to other readers if you liked it, so more people are able to read this piece of insanity. . . **
**Enjoy!**
**Kree**
Dib had never been punished at home in his life. Maybe his sister might torture and torment him, but his father never had time for him and his mother died too early. Ms. Bitters punished him, but never at home had he experienced a REAL punishment. Now, he was grounded for a month and he had to stay in the cupboard for all his free time, when he was eating, but not when he had to go to the bathroom and go to school.
By the time that was over, summer vacation had begun. Dudley's friends came every day to pick on him and chase him around the house with the stashed smoke machines in the upstairs closet. Dib spent as much of his time outside the house and walked around the town.
Everyday he spent more with the Dursleys, the less and less it seemed as if this was a dream and if he ever was gonna wake up. He began to think differently now. Maybe this was some kind of different dimension or different world. Or maybe, it was all an illusion. Or maybe, he had gone insane.
He gulped at the next thought: Maybe he was already dead. Maybe this was the next part of life and he was trapped here forever.
He sat on a bench and looked around this new town. He missed his old town and home incredulously, the place where he had lived all his life. He saw two kids running down the street together, laughing. He wondered what Kree was doing right now. He missed her, he missed Gaz, and he even missed his dad. Heck, he even missed Zim.
He learned that here, his last name was "Potter". He learned when he asked the Dursleys what happened to his parents, they would yell and scold him and bring out their lasers and smoke machines. He learned that even though Dudley was a big, fat, idiotic, kid, he had a favorite sport: Dibby Hunting. He found out that he was TEN years old, instead of eleven. He also learned that wherever he went, he was an outcast. No matter where he went, when he went, people would cast him out so he had a miserable time a Stonewall Elementary just as he did at his own skool before Kree.
He sighed as he stood up and started walking 'home". He trudged down slowly, with his head looking down.
It was July now, and Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London and they bought him a Smellings uniform, his uniform to school. When Dib heard the name of the school, he burst into laughter but that Aunt Petunia gave him a quick slap with her claws. But looking at Dudley produced a much harder feat to hold back the laugh.
There was Dudley prancing and skipping around the living room with his maroon tailcoats, orange kinickerbockers, flat straw hats called boaters, and a yellow colored shirt that said "SMELL". They also had knobbly sticks to hit each with when the adults weren't looking.
The next day. Dib saw Aunt Petunia with a metal in the sink. There was a disgusting smell coming from it and there seemed to be dirty rags swimming in gray water.
"What's that?" He asked. He wondered if she would penalize him for asking a question like that.
"Your new school uniform, unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to die it purple, but these days, the schools want ugly colors and NEVER USE PURPLE!" [Port Jeff!!!! Woohooo! Purple and White!]
Dib groaned as he walked to the table and took a seat. He couldn't imagine wearing something like THAT . . .
Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in and sat down too. Then they heard the click of the mail slot open and the floppy sound of the mail drop on the doormat.
"Get the mail, Dudley!" Uncle Vernon ordered.
"NO!!!! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME SO MANY HARD QUESTIONS! WAHHHHH!!!!" And Dudley ran out crying and yelling.
"Dib, get the mail, your cousin is too emotionally hurt to do anything."
"Dudley has two legs, he can get it." Dib retorted.
"HE'S EMOTIONALLY HURT!"
"NO DUH! HE ALWAYS IS!"
"DUDLEY! GET HERE NOW!" Uncle Vernon screamed and Dudley came trudging to the kitchen. "Use the POKE OF DOOM with your Smelling stick, Dudley."
Dib quickly jumped to dodge the stick and slowly trudged to wear the mail had been dropped. "I wonder if they're subscribed to UFO USA." He thought to himself. He picked up the letters and started scanning through them. One of them was a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister, Mirge, and there were a few bills, Uncle Vernon's snack magazine, and than he picked up-a letter for him.
He stared at it with a jaw dropped. Who could be writing to him? Nobody knew him here and he didn't seem to have any friends here. Did somebody else know he was here? Was he finally saved?
The envelope was thick and heavy and made of yellowish kind of parchment. There was no stamps and the address to the house was in emerald green pen. The Address looked liked this:
Mr. D. Potter
The Cupboard under the Stairs
4 Piggey Drive
Little Rignging
Surrender
There was a coat of arms for the seal. It was bearing a coat of arms with a fox, rabbit, squirrel, and a rat surrounding the letter "P".
"HURRY UP!! I WANT TO SEE IF MY SNACKS MAGAZINE CAME IN THE MAIL YET!" Uncle Vernon yelled from the kitchen.
Dib walked back to the kitchen, handing Uncle Vernon his mail and he sat down. He began to open the letter. As Uncle Vernon began reading his snack magazine, Dudley asked,
"Dad, why is my face a peach color?"
"Because you were born that disgusting way!"
"Then how come your face is green? Why isn't my face green? Mom's face is green!"
"I don't know why you're skin is peach!!!!! It's your mother's fault! Now shaddup!"
"DAD! Dib's got something!" Dudley wailed.
"Don't bother me!!! I'm reading!!!!" Uncle Vernon shouted.
"But he's got something!!"
"Fine! I'll bother myself for your pathetic complaints!" Uncle Vernon sneered. He tore the letter from Dib's hands and opened it. As he read it, his green face turned a weird shade of purple. [Purple: HEY!!!!! PURPLE IS NOT A WEIRD COLOR!!!] "P-Petunia!"
Aunt Petunia rushed to his side and squeaked. "Vernon! Oh my goodness!"
"Give me my letter!!" Dib yelled as he tackled Uncle Vernon to the floor. "IT'S MINE! IT HAS MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, AND IT'S MINE!"
Aunt Petunia dug her claws into Dib's skin so he got off Uncle Vernon. "OUT!" Uncle Vernon yelled as he panted. He and Dudley did go out, but they still decided to spy on them. Dib was already used to spying on Zim, so this wasn't that hard . . .
"Vernon," Aunt Petunia screeches. "LOOK AT THE ADDRESS! HOW DO THEY KNOW WHERE HE SLEEPS??? THEY'RE SPYING ON US! SPYING!!!" She waved her hands into the air wildly. "WHAT SHOULD WE DO?"
"We'll just ignore it! And I'll set up a security system! We won't have one in this house! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?"
Later on in the evening, Uncle Vernon went to the cupboard where Dib was in. "Where is my letter? I want to read it! What have you done with it?" He demanded furiously.
"It wasn't yours. It was addressed to you by mistake so I burned it with my lasers."
"IT WASN'T A MISTAKE! THEY ADDRESSED MY CUBOARD ON IT!!!"
"SILENCE!!!!! OR I WILL BRING MY LASERS UPON YOU!" Uncle Vernon yelled and held his professional posture. "Anyway, your aunt and I have been thinking about your cupboard, and we think you're a bit too big for it. After all, your head IS big . . ."
"MYHEAD IS NOT BIG!"
"SILENCE! We want you to move into Dudley's second bedroom."
"Why?"
"SHADDUP! Now go!!"
Dib trudged up the stairs, a bit confused, but he did feel almost relieved. He had begun to forget how it felt like to be sleeping in a normal room, even if it was the smallest one in the house. Dib did hear Dudley's whining and complaining all night though, since it was where Dudley kept all his stuff as well. "I DON'T WANT HIM IN THERE! I DON'T!!!!! IT'S MY BEDROOM! GET HIM OUT OF THERE!" And he began to cry and cry.
The next day at breakfast, Dudley continued his bawling and his temper tantrums and somehow gotten hold of Uncle Vernon's lasers. First, he made an awful mess shooting them around the house. He screamed, whacked Uncle Vernon with his Smellings stick, threw up on purpose, took Uncle Vernon's lasers and burned a squirrel, kicked Aunt Petunia, and he still didn't have his room back. When the mail arrived, Uncle Vernon made Dudley get it, trying to get Dudley out of the room for once.
But Dudley yelled from the hallway, "look! There's another one! "Mr. D. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Piggy Drive-"
Uncle Vernon leapt from the kitchen and ran into the hallway with Dib running right behind him. Dib eventually got him front of him since he was smaller but Uncle Vernon held him back. He and Dib fought over the letter for awhile, but Uncle Vernon unfortunately did win.
"GO TO YOUR BEDROOMS! Uncle Vernon yelled.
Dib disappointedly walked to the bedroom, but a plan flashed before his eyes. It was perfect, and it was all so simple . . .
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dib woke up to an alarm clock at 6:00in the morning, turned the alarm off, dressed quickly, and tiptoed down the stairs. He always wished that he would look in his dresser, and there it would be: his blue happy noodle boy shirt and his black pants. Then he would see his black boots on the side of his bed and he would run to the closet and see his own beloved trenchcoat. But of course, that was just a dream, and a forgotten one at that. He couldn't wake the Dursleys. He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Piggy Drive and get the letters for number four first. He would run to the park and read the letters there. His heart thumped and thumped as he silently tiptoed down the dark hall to the front door and-
"AHHNHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! WHO'S THERE??????" Uncle Vernon yelled.
Dib was startled to see Uncle Vernon laying down there in a sleeping bag in front of the door. He began to shout at him and lecture him, and yell at him, and shout at him some more until he heard a strange noise out the door.
"AGH!" A voice was heard outside with a buzzing noise.
"Um, what was that?" Dib asked.
"That was my new security system." Uncle Vernon replied. He opened the doors and in front of them, they saw a pile of ashes with a mail bag next to it. Smoke rose from the ashes. "Ah, lasers are so efficient these days . . ."
Dib stared at him. "YOU FRIED THE MAILMAN?"
"Yeah? So?" Uncle Vernon smirked as he collected the mail bag and found the three letters that were addressed to Dib. He burned them with the lasers and went inside.
So for the rest of the week, numerous letters were making there way to the Piggy Drive. Uncle Vernon had to eventually shut off the security system because there were too many frequent complaints about missing postmen because it was looking a /bit/ suspicious. Finally, it was Sunday.
"Do you know why I just love Sundays?" Uncle Vernon asked gleefully at breakfast.
"No post?" Dib grumbled.
"EXACTLY!" He smirked. "HA! TOO BAD, DIB, NO CHANCE FOR YOU TO GET ONE TODAY!"
But of course, Uncle Vernon spoke too soon. A strange wooshing sound was heard coming down from the kitchen chimney. Everyone looked to the chimney as thirty or forty letters came pelting out of the fire place like LASER BEAMS. As all the Dursleys ducked, Dib jumped up trying to catch one.
"OUT!" Uncle Vernon yelled as he seized Dib around the waist and threw him into the hall. Everyone ran out of the room as Uncle Vernon slammed the door, because an angry Almighty Tallest Red, is not a safe one. "EVERYONE PACK SOME CLOTHES! WE'RE GOING AWAY!"
Everyone made no arguments and they were in the car in ten minutes. Dudley was crying and screaming in the back seat because his father hit him round the head when he tried to pack his TV, computer, and DVD player in his sports bag.
"WHY CAN'T WE JUST FRY THE BOY WITH LASERS?" Uncle Vernon shouted.
They drove and drove for a long time. They finally stopped halfway across the country at a hotel and they stayed there for the night. The next morning, after they had just finished breakfast downstairs, the owner of the hotel came over to them.
"Excuse, me, but who's Mr. D Potter? I've got thousands of these here at the front desk. You can come pick them up if you'd like."
She held up a letter that was addressed,
Mr. D. Potter
Room 1767
Vootview Hotel
Poopworth
Dib tried to grab the letter, but Uncle Vernon took it. "I'll take them."
They left the hotel later on and drove to the coast. Uncle Vernon parked the car, locked them inside, and disappeared as it began to rain.
Dudley began to rain tears as well. "It's Monday," he told his mother. "The Bloaty's Pizza Hog commercials are on tonight. I want to stay somewhere with a television! I WANT TO PLAY MY COMPUTER!!!"
Dib suddenly realized something: If it was Monday, it was July 29th. After being in school for so long and seeing many forms, he found out that his birthday wasn't in the winter like it was at his real home, but it was on July 30th. He would finally be eleven again, but he doubted that the Durselys would actually care anyway.
Uncle Vernon came back with a big grin on his face and a package in his hands. "I found it! I found the perfect place that those ruddy letters won't ever find us!! Come on out, everyone!" He motioned as everyone got out of the car. Uncle Vernon pointed to what looked like a large rock way out at sea and on top of it was the most ugly and dirty little shack that Dib ever set eyes on. And one thing was for sure, there was no television . .
. . "Horrible weather tonight, just horrible!" Uncle Vernon exclaimed quite happily. "We're going to across with this gentleman," he pointed to a toothless man beside them.
They rowed across the water, which was icy cold as it splashed and soaked them all. It felt like hours before they reached the rock, but they did. They quickly went inside, relieved to get out of the boat, but the cabin smelled horrible. There were only two rooms and the fireplace was damp and empty. The food turned out to be four bags of nacho chips and four bananas.
Dib tried to fall asleep quickly in the nasty surroundings but it was hard to with the smell, Dudley's snores, and the thunder outside. He was also incredulously hungry. He watched Dudley's watched as it ticked closer and closer to his birthday.
Five minutes to go, and he heard something creaked outside. Wonder what everyone was doing, back at home? Four minutes. . . . Did Kree miss him? Did Gaz?. . . . Three minutes to go, was that the sea, slapping hard on the rock like that? Two minutes to go, what was the funny crunching noise?
One minute to go . . . .Thirty seconds . . . . fifteen . . . .ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two one . . .
BANG!
The who shack seemed to tremble as Dib bolted upright like lightening. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.
**Finally, I'm done . . . .**
**plz review!**
**Kree**