Free Companies Inc. Presents:
Writer's Block Strikes Again!
A slightly deranged fic by Keza: Queen of Procrastination
AN: Hehe. Hehehe. Hehehehe. Ahem.
Last Chapter: Race and Blink successfully cure beloved FFN authors Spitshine, Derby, Tuffy, Crunch, and Shortie! Huzzah! And they're only warming up…
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"I dunno Race," Blink said nervously. "It's gettin' dark… Strange people walk da citah in the dark! Besides, we'se got a curfew ta keep in mind!"
"Aw, ya wuss. Kloppman won't care," I muttered, although the night was getting to me as well. But we didn't have much time! I knew we had to finish Manhattan that night, I just knew it.
"Uh, besides! Maybe de authors… 'ibernate durin' the night! Ya know, only come out durin' da day?"
"Blink, will you'se calm down? Hey… This isn't about your stupid 'fear of the dark' t'ing, is it?" Blink's eyes widened, and he looked around quickly.
"RACE!" he hissed. "I TOLD you'se not ta mention dat!" I chuckled.
"Right, right, sorry."
We continued shuffling down the street, Blink checking behind his back every so often while I peered in different alleys and windows. Yeah, windows.
At the moment I was balanced precariously on a flower box, my face smushed against some dirty glass.
"Blink! Git over here!" I whispered, motioning wildly with one hand.
"Race! What da hell are you'se doin'?"
"Shush - I think I see an author. Or somethin'. She's sittin' in dere with some strange box, jus' starin' at it… But dere's pens and stuff surrounding her."
"Lemme see!" Blink protested, climbing up onto the iron fence surrounding the tenement and leaping to join me at the window.
WHUMP!
"Oog…"
Blink, the flower box, and I lay in a tangled mass under the window.
"You moron."
"Uh… Race? I think my cigarette is catching the flowers on fire."
"Hahah- HOLY! Get offa me! Get offa me! Ahhrg! Jump on the flowers! Git the fire out!" the window opened.
"Hello boys. Might I ask what you'se doin' setting flame ta me flowahs?" I looked up to see a small girl with short brown hair and brown eyes leaning out of the window and smiling good naturedly at me.
"Uhhnnn…" I replied with my usual eloquence.
"T'ought so," she disappeared for a moment, then came back and dumped a pot of water out the window. Most of it landed on Blink, but a few drops put out the fire as well. "Come on in," she invited. I looked a Blink and shrugged, then we both re-hopped the fence and entered.
I explained our mission, she gave us cookies, life was grand. Turns out her name was Bookie, and she was big into writing romance stories. Suddenly some of my recent relationships were beginning to make sense.
"I t'ink it's great an' all, what you'se doin'… But I don't have Writah's Block. I gots all KINDS of ideas righ' now!"
"So why ain't you writin' 'em down?" Blink asked, taking another cookie.
"Close your mouth when you eat!" she scolded. I hid a grin with my cookie. "Why ain't I writin' em? Cause I ran outta papah, dat's why!"
"Eh?"
"Most authors write dere fiction on a computah," she explained, pointing to the strange box I had seen her staring at earlier. "But I have ta write it on papah beforehand - which wasn't a problem until now! I jus woke up and all da papah was gone!"
"The Evil Force must've stolen it!" I observed wisely.
"Not only dat, I can't leave meh house! Meaning I can't buy moah papah. I'm stranded."
"What can we'se do?"
She flashed another smile, a hopeful one.
"Could you… Strong, strong boys go out and find some fer me?" Blink preened. A smile came to my face as well.
"Shoah!" was the simultaneous answer.
"Well, chop chop! I can't be kept waitin', ya know!" she said as she ushered us out the door. Blink jumped down the stairs, and I was about to leave when a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I didn't turn around, but could feel Bookie's breath on my neck.
"Ya know, Racey… I t'ink Blink is old enough ta find some papah by his self, eh?" my eyes widened at the suggestion - my expression must have been comical, because Blink starting cracking up.
"Umm… Maybe latah? Gotta go!" I squeaked. Damn - did my voice crack just then?
I sprinted away with Blink, Bookie calling after me all the way.
"I got some!" Blink cried triumphantly. We had managed to dash into a paper goods store right before it closed. "Hey," he muttered, tugging at his prize - but holding on to the other end of the package was a short girl with shoulder length brown hair. She refused to let go. "Uh, 'scuse me, could I have me papahs?" Blink asked politely.
"No. I had it foist!" she shot back, yanking the paper out of his grasp. She staggered backwards as he let go, and once she had regained her balance, resumed glaring at us. Blink narrowed his eyes, but said nothing and simply took another stack. We walked up to the counter.
"Uh… Race? You got any change on ya?"
"Don't tell me…"
The clerk looked down his nose at us.
"Are you boys going to pay?" I groaned.
"We can't cure her if we don't get the papah, and we can't get the papah cause we don't have any money! Deah me…"
"I'll pay foah it," a voice said behind us. The girl from before stepped forward, icey blue eyes daring us to object. The clerk tapped his fingers idly.
"Well, hurry up, I need to close!"
"Hoild your hosses!" the girl snapped, flipping some coins onto the counter. She turned and left. Blink and I looked at each other, then I grabbed the paper and ran after her.
"Who are you?" I asked breathlessly once we had caught up to her, mainly because referring to her as "the girl" was getting tedious.
"Spin," she replied, automatically spitting in her hand. "Now can I go? I have to get writing."
"You can write?"
"I'm quite e'jahcated, for yer informa-"
"No, no, nevahmind, I didn't mean it like dat. I mean… Don't you got dat Writah's Block thing that's been goin' around?"
"How you'se knowin' about dat?" she demanded. "I mean, you'se just a newsie…"
"Hey!" Blink protested. Spin ignored him.
"Listen, it's kind of a long story… Could I just say dat we know all about dis t'ing, and we've been tryin' ta help you authors get rid of it?"
"Go ahead, I'm not stopping you."
"Well I'se not gonna repeat myself!" I closed my eyes. This was getting difficult. "An' why'd you buy us dose papahs?"
She shrugged.
"Help a fellow street kid. Is dat a crime?"
"Nevah mind…"
Blink stepped forward now.
"Look, Spin, we're jus tryin' ta help. Why don't ya let us?"
"Oh, yeah, lot's a' help here!"
"Spin-"
"Yeah, yeah, sorry," she muttered, staring at her beat up shoes. There was a nice, long, awkward silence.
"So what's worked in the past?" she asked finally. I shrugged.
"Well, lessee… With the exception of ol' Blink and Spitshine-" I paused to chuckle. "It seems everyt'ing's been followin' a pattern. People tryin' new t'ings. Yeah, that's it. That's what's been happenin'!" I stopped again, this time to marvel at my brilliance. I really outdid myself this time.
"Whaddayah mean?"
"Well… Derbah tryin' a slash with me and Skittery - whatevah that means-" Spin snorted. "- Shortie 'n Tuffy woikin' together on a story, Crunch writin' a musical…"
Spin and Blink both nodded their understanding.
"I see whatcha mean dere. But what can I do that's all new and stuff?" she sighed. "I guess I'm gonna be needin' a little help."
The street lamp above buzzed to life, showering us in a curtain of light. Spin's eyes widened.
"HEY! I jus' got an idea!"
"Buhh… But… You didn't try anyt'ing new!" I protested - no! My theory couldn't be proven wrong so quickly! Spin grinned.
"Shoah I did. I ast fer help!" she chuckled deviously and ran off.
"Nevah ast fer help? That's disgusting," Blink muttered. I continued staring after her retreating back. My, what strange people we've met.
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"Racey! I was hopin' it'd be you!" Bookie opened the door and pulled us inside - or at least pulled me inside, then tried to shut Blink out.
"Um. Bookie, Blink has the papah."
"Damn," she grumbled. "Always complications…"
Blink shoved himself inside.
"Hey, Bookie, I'se thinkin' your door has problems. It closed on me face!"
"Thanks again, boys! I'll get the story to ya when it's finished… Oh, and Race-"
"Already out da door! Sorry Bookie!" I waved over my shoulder and hurried around the block. Blink caught up with me a half minute later and stood smirking while I caught my breath.
"Don't like dose admirers so much now, eh?"
"Oh, shaddap."
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"HEYYY! GET-GET-GET-GET-GET OVAH IT!" Bam!
"Eh?"
Across the street, a tall, blonde girl stumbled out of a smoky tavern. Shouts followed her out… She just laughed and continued singing drunkenly.
"Uh oh…"
"Lot of fooools…. LOT OF FOOL SCUM BAAAGS! Uhhnn… Blahh… DEEE DEDEDE.. LALA… De da…."
"Um. This looks like trouble, Blink. We should probably… Go check it out or something."
"Ok, go. You go."
Sigh.
"Fine."
I hurried over and intercepted the girl's path. "Hello Miss…"
She looked down and grinned, then slung an arm over my shoulder.
"Hello shhir," she slurred. "It'sa lurvely night, wouldju not agree?"
"Um," I ducked out of her grasp. "Absolutely beautiful, but-"
"An' what's a nioce gal like you doin' in a place like dis… Wait, Race?"
"Jack?"
"What are ya doin' wid Slackah?"
"What are you doin' heah?"
Pause.
"What, a guy can't have a drink once in awhile?"
"I was jus' tryin' ta help 'er…" Slacker blinked out of a daze and focused in on Jack.
"Helloo… Jacky-boy!"
Uh oh.
Blink joined us now.
"So is she an' author or what? Oh, hey Jack."
"Heya Blink."
"Dunno," I admitted. "It's pretty possible. She seems ta know us. And I'se not seein' too many lady at taverns this late. So somehow she's dif'rent."
"Is you sayin'… I'se notta lady?" Slacker poked me in the chest, then leaned forward and we both collapsed to the ground. She giggled like a maniac. "Silly Racey… I'se NOT a lady. I'se a writah."
Pause.
"Could I'se be a lady too?"
"Um, why not?" Jack now. "Heah Slackah, let me take ya home…"
"Wait Jack!" I said as I scrambled to get up. "If she's an author, den she has Writah's Block - probably why she came ta get drunk tonight. So we needs ta cure her." Blink nodded firmly.
"Yeah."
"No, no, you silly boys…" Slacker waved her hand around and nearly knocked Jack out. "I'se cured meself. Gotten Writah's Block a lot, ya know? A few gallons o' da good stuff and I'll be foine in da mornin'."
"Doesn't sound too safe ta me," I said doubtfully.
"Trust meh… Done it a million times… 'course, da hangovah is like hell, but it's worth it, right?"
"Shoah!" Jack said quickly. "Now, let's get you back home…"
"Jus', uh, call us if it comes back!" I called after them.
"Aw, Racey, don' worry… Da man-eatin' giraffe isn't comin' back any time soon…" she answered loudly, without turning around. I rubbed at my eyes.
"It's gettin' late," I muttered. "Maybe we should start headin' back ta the Lodgin' House."
"Yeah," Blink agreed, and we made our way back.
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"An' what have we heah?" Blink murmured as we neared the Lodging House doors. Standing outside, head tilted up to study the sign, was a fairly thin girl with auburn hair.
"I'm tellin' ya," I said back quietly. "Dey jus' flock ta us! I betcha tamarrah we can jus' stay in the Lodgin' House the 'hole day… Dey'll come beggin' fer appointments!" Blink smirked in agreement. We stopped right behind the girl, who had yet to notice us. I tapped her shoulder.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, spinning around. She saw us, then let out a breath and put her hand over her heart. "Come on, boys! Dat's not funny!"
Blink cut to the point.
"What're you doin' around the Lodgin' House… Especially at this time 'a night?" She glanced around, then shrugged.
"Lookin'."
"Yeah? Fer what?"
"Answers," she said simply, looking for a way around us to escape. Blink moved over to block her way. She smiled sweetly at him, and he absolutely melted.
"Blink," I reminded him. "Can we focus on the job heah?" He froze up again and turned read. The girl grinned, then stuck out her hand.
"Athena. Yeah, and I know who ya'll are. Well, nice seein' ya, but I really must be goin'…"
"Goin' ta do what?" Blink countered. "It's not like ya can jus' go home an' write!"
"'ow did you…"
"It's not often ya run inta a lady wid a strange name… That knows AHR names, and is hangin' around ahr Lodgin' House."
"Pretty obvious, den? That I'se an author? Jeez, I gotta woik on dat. I guess I'm outta practice. Haven't been outside me tenement for awhile."
"An' why not?"
"Writah's Block," mumble mumble mumble.
"Eh? What was dat?"
"Writah's Block!" Sigh. "It's nevah been dis bad before! Usually I get Writah's Block on one of me stories, but then I get an idea and jus' start a new story. Now it's like every idea has been stolen from my mind."
"Well, you'se aren't de only one. A lotta goils have been, ah, comin' down wid Writah's Block in the past day 'er two," I told her. "Me an' Blink heah, we'se goin' around curin' dem!" Blink stuck out his chest proudly. I followed suit.
"How noice of you! Don't suppose ya could help me?"
"We could try. An' hey, ya nevah answered the foist question…"
"Yeah!" Blink chimed in, never one to be quiet long. "Why is you heah?" Athena looked down, obviously a bit embarrassed.
"Well… It's gonna sound silly," she warned us.
"I'se heard sillier," Blink assured her.
"Yasee… Usually when I'se dunno what ta write, I come heah… Or someplace else, and watch you boys… Yer antics usually gimmie a good idea, or git me outta a rut. I was tryin' ta figger out a way ta get inta the House tonight - yeah, dat's how desperate I'se for ideas."
"No problem!" Blink said cheerily. "We'll getcha in! Den in da mornin', you'se can get yer ideas and off ya go."
Athena's eyes widened.
"No, I couldn't do that!"
"Why not? We could hide you'se from Kloppman easily enough."
"But… But… THEN I'D BE A MARY SUE!" she wailed. Blink and I exchanged confused glances.
"But your name is Athena," Blink reminded her. "I mean, I dunno if dat's yer REAL name… But you can still be Athena in da Lodgin' 'ouse."
Athena gave us a strange look, like we were missing something. Then she laughed.
"Alroight den. Bring me in!"
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"Bringin' her in was your idea!" I hissed. "So why do I have to sleep on da floor?"
"Shut up, you'se wanna wake da whole 'ouse? Besides, Race, you'se more a gentleman den I am. It was only right for you to give up yer bunk," Blink told me seriously. Then I heard him turn over and chuckle. I repositioned myself on the hard, cruel, splintery, wood of the floor and gave in to sleep.
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"Oy! And what has the cat brought in tonight? Is that a GIRL?!" a familiar voice taunted.
"Keza, if you'se think I'm even gonna talk to you, you'se wrong," I grumbled, keeping my eyes shut tight. "Let me sleep in peace!"
"Fine, be that way. You aren't the only one who dreams, ya know."
Then blackness came once more.
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Thus ends Chapter 3, written over the course of two days and finished on Thanksgiving morning. Mmmm… Thanksgiving means lots of PIE!
OH YEAH and kudos to any who got the Blues Brothers reference in chapter 2, and the 'OK Go" reference in this chapter. I'm just too witty for my own good.
Next Chapter: Day two comes, facing our heroes with all sorts of problems… Which region next? How to explain Athena? What to have for breakfast?
And to the Featured Authors of Chapter Three: Which included, if you're keeping track: Bookie, Spin, Athena, and Slacker/JLove. If any of you strongly disagree with how I wrote your character (remember I only had that profile thing to go by) then please contact me by review/e-mail/AIM and tell me what's up! I'll gladly edit it.
Bookie: I have plans for you to haunt Racetrack again later. MUAH HAH HAH.
Slacker: Wow, I REALLY hope you don't mind being drunk and all. Ironically, I had writer's block on this story after writing Bookie and Spin in, and… Well, that's the first thing I thought of! Hoh boy…
Spin: I'm sure you've 'ast fer help' before, but the way you wrote your personality, it seemed like a legible thing to write.
Athena: Nooo! Anything but becoming a Mary Sue! (I'm sure that's a fear all of us face, right? Hehe.)
Over and out…
-Keza