Rating: Still going with PG, although it's a pretty tame PG, at that
Feedback: Thank you kindly. Melpomenethalia@aol.com
Spoilers: Through season five's "The Gift"
Distribution: Here and eventually the Warren. If you're interested, please let me know.
Summary: Buffy jumped through the portal and died. But what happened to her next?
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Mutant Enemy (Joss Whedon), a wonderfully creative company whose characters I have borrowed for a completely profit-free flight of fancy. Kindly do not sue me, please, as I am terrified of you. Thank you. Author's Note: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Part 16Buffy wasn't exactly sure where she had been expecting to find William, but this certainly wasn't it. This was no flower-strewn valley or wood-paneled library. It was… nothing. For a long moment, Buffy was not even certain if she had opened her eyes because everything was so dark. Then, very slowly, she started to make out dim shapes in the blackness, like smudges of deep gray on ebony.
She was in what seemed to be a room in a house from long ago, perhaps when William was alive. There was no detail in it, though. She could make out walls and the openings of windows, the forms of chairs and tables, all without color. The only bit of light that was in the room came from a fireplace. A few embers lay dying in the grate, casting the smallest of glows, and before them, sitting in one of the strangely blank chairs, his back to her, was William.
Somehow, the stillness in the room made her even more nervous. It was obvious that William was lost in his thoughts, and she felt she was intruding, but she was not about to leave him like this. She began to walk towards the seated figure, making certain that her footsteps broke the silence.
From the moment the first noise reached his ears, William's posture stiffened defensively, but he did not turn around. When at last Buffy pulled up a chair next to him and sat down, the soul finally looked up at her.
"How did you find me?"
The tone he said it in almost frightened her with its total deadness. His eyes, usually such a luminous blue, were as faint in light as the fire before them.
"I asked Dru to send me to you," she answered simply, and he blinked as though this was not the answer he had been expecting.
"Where are we, anyway?" Buffy asked with a note of distaste. The place was far from her liking.
William looked around them as though taking in the surroundings for the first time, then laughed without the slightest trace of happiness. "Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Missing a lot of the details, of course, because I wasn't concentrating on them, but this is," he paused for a long moment, searching for the right words. "It's a place where I was quite unhappy as a human. All it needs are the mocking ladies and gentlemen of distinction and the sounds of a string quartet."
Buffy couldn't pretend to understand any of this, but she could tell in a glance that William was deeply uncomfortable and sad.
"Look, what Darla said," Buffy began to say, but she broke off, not exactly knowing how to proceed.
"Go on," he said softly, his face glued to the dying fire before them. "I have never lied to you, Buffy, and I never will. Ask whatever you wish."
The shadows created by the fire skittered about his face, making him look remarkably like a statue. The slayer studied him for a long moment before finally asking the question.
"William, is what Darla said true?"
He sighed deeply before answering. "Not exactly."
Buffy's eyebrows raised in surprise.
"I've been in love with you for three and a half years, not two and a half. Darla never was much for mathematics. Of course, she wasn't on this level back then, so perhaps it can be excused."
He looked down to the floor and said no more as Buffy did the mental calculations. He'd been in love with her since the first time she'd met Spike?
"Will you look at me for a minute?" she asked carefully, and he raised his head from its lowered position until he was turned towards her. "I'm getting the feeling there's more to this story than you've told me. What exactly happened?"
A small frown appeared on William's face as he shut his eyes a bit before he answered. When he looked at her once more, the guarded look was gone, and the expression that replaced it was one she remembered from the moments when Spike was his most human.
"I was along with Spike, as usual, when he came to Sunnydale. My influence with him was better than most souls have over their other selves, but I was still mostly helpless against anything he planned. That night at the Bronze, I was there." He took a deep breath. "My God, Buffy, do you have any idea how beautiful your soul was that night? You were like the heart of a diamond, radiating fire, warmth, perfection itself. From the moment I saw you, I was unable to think of anything else. It was like finding a missing part of me. I was in love with you completely at a glance."
His eyes held her own, and she realized that there were tears forming in the sapphire depths, but he refused to let them fall.
"Spike, of course, saw nothing but another Slayer to kill at first," he continued with a note of anger in his voice, "and there was nothing I could do to keep him from that raid on the school or cornering you on Halloween night. I was in agony over it all. When at last Spike was forced into a wheelchair, I had a bit of a chance. The weaker the demon was, the more I was able to insinuate myself into him. By the time Liam returned here, Spike was starting to be more open to my suggestions until finally, when Angelus attempted opening Acathla, I was able to convince him to go to you."
"You've been having talks back and forth with Spike?" Buffy said in confusion. "He was, like, hearing voices or something?"
"No," William answered patiently. "I started to become a part of him, in a way. It was like the smallest possible bit of his conscience was returning. But it became more pronounced as time went on."
"So, if when Spike gets weaker, you get stronger, then the chip…" she began, starting to figure things out.
"Exactly. It began to muzzle the demon inside so effectively that more and more bits of me started to seep through. It took almost a full year for me to become deeply rooted enough in him to send him the dream that made him realize I was in love with you. Strangely enough, the demon had been having… feelings… for you as well, though they were of a, ehm, less than pure variety, shall we say? As soon as that happened, more bricks in the wall that kept me out of Spike started to crumble."
"That night," Buffy said slowly, "on the back porch, when my mom was so sick…"
William nodded. "Yes. I was really quite concerned that he was going to kill you that time. You see, it was only when I could convince him in his own mind of the love he felt for you that I was able to have some degree of control. The conversation from earlier in the evening had plugged into a lot of my worst memories and had begun convincing him that what he felt for you was worthless and foolish and bound to end in disaster. But when he saw you in distress… when I saw you…" His words drifted off painfully, and he looked away.
"You kept popping up from time to time from then on, didn't you?" Buffy said wonderingly. "When Tara was crazy, when my mom died, when Glory was torturing Spike, that last night at the house."
"'You make me feel like a man,' I believe he said, and he had no idea how close he was to the truth. So, there it is, just as I promised you. The truth. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be going," he said, standing abruptly.
"Why?"
"I'm aware of the fact that I have made an utter fool of myself. Or rather, Darla did it for me, but the result is still the same," he responded without turning.
A hand fell gently on his shoulder and gently urged him to face her. Buffy looked up at him with a bittersweet smile on her face.
"Whoever she was, she really messed you up bad, didn't she? William, has it occurred to you that you might, just might, possibly have even the smallest of chances with me?" she asked with a little smirk.
"Ehm, no," he said in surprise. "No, of course not."
"And why not?"
"Well, there's Angel for one thing," he explained uncertainly.
"Yes, there's Angel," Buffy said in agreement. "But, as much as I love him, and as much as I always will, we both made the decision that things weren't meant to be between us. Considering we're no longer even on the same plain of existence, I'd say there were insurmountable odds, wouldn't you?"
William's jaw dropped in bewilderment. "Huh?"
Buffy's eyes rolled as she let a smile break over her lips. "I've dated two other men since Angel, although, honestly, they were both mondo disasters. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that I wasn't going to spend eternity waiting for him, and I'm not going to do that now that eternity has literally turned into eternity."
William looked at her as though she'd started spontaneously doing summersaults while reciting the collected works of Milton and juggling llamas.
"You're just not getting this, are you? Look, when I was on earth and Spike would do those kind things for me, let his eyes tell me everything that was in his heart without saying a single word, I thought I was going crazy because I felt myself just barely starting to fall for someone who was a vicious killer. Now that I find out that the soul behind those eyes isn't a homicidal maniac, well, you get the picture."
"You're saying I have a chance? You might possibly at some point in the far distant future perhaps…"
"Apparently you don't get the picture, wordboy, so I'll give you the remedial version," she said with a mock-irritated pout as she put her arms around his neck and gave him a single, soft kiss on the lips. "We clear now?"
The smile that greeted her lit up the face of the soul so brilliantly that she was dazzled. In a heartbeat, everything around her changed. Lights blazed forth from the ceiling and walls, and the rich, warm colors of the Victorian home around her came to life. A string quartet began to play a merry waltz, and he grabbed her around the waist, his strong, gentle hands lifting her high into the air in a swift movement that made her laugh hysterically. He twirled her through the air madly before setting her delicately on her feet and beginning to lead her through the steps of a dance that was equal parts bliss and wonder.
At long last, their steps slowed and their arms held each other tightly. Buffy smiled up at William happily as she played with the hair at the base of his neck. In turn, he softly rubbed the length of her back, his eyes warm.
"I do love you, you know," he whispered quietly in her ear. "Forever. I know you don't feel quite the same way, not yet. But if you'll give me time…"
She laughed once again, wrinkling her nose at him. "I like what I've seen so far. I like lots. And we have plenty of time," she murmured as she began to pull his head downwards into another kiss.
"Oh, blast! Time! Of all the moronic idiots! Buffy, we need to discuss your situation, why you're here, and all that. I'd almost completely forgotten," he said angrily.
"Discuss later. Kiss now," she insisted firmly as she put her lips against his.
He sighed contentedly into their second kiss, this one much longer but no less delicious than their first, a slow, perfect embrace that had them sipping each other's lips like ambrosia and then deepening into something more, something that was beginning to speak of passion. At long last, even though breathing was not a problem, they parted, Buffy giving William's shoulders a parting squeeze.
"We do need to talk about this, though, Buffy. Perhaps we should return to the others?" he suggested, although he was most reluctant to leave.
She wrinkled up her face in distaste. "Spoilsport," she accused playfully as they turned to leave.
Silently, William hoped with all his might that the circumstances that had brought her here wouldn't take her from him once again, but he didn't want to be selfish. For now, he wanted nothing more than the feel of her hand in his as they walked out the front door of Cecily's mansion, the past finally behind him, and went together through a springtime forest that they had just begun to create together as they made their way back to the others.