Rating: Still going with PG, although it's a pretty tame PG, at that
Feedback: Thank you kindly. Melpomenethalia@aol.com
Spoilers: Through season five's "The Gift"
Distribution: Fanfiction.net, the Warren, and Fonts of Wisdom's Crypt. If you're interested, please let me know.
Summary: Buffy jumped through the portal and died. But what happened to her next?
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Mutant Enemy (Joss Whedon), a wonderfully creative company whose characters I have borrowed for a completely profit-free flight of fancy. Kindly do not sue me, please, as I am terrified of you. Thank you.Author's Note: It may take a couple week for the chapter after this to go up.
Part 18The days passed by slowly in Limbo, but they were far from boring. Buffy was slowly introduced to the other inhabitants of the plain, most of whom seemed to already know Drusilla and the others quite well. The Slayer quickly became adept at helping those souls whose other selves were feeding, her patience with their problem surprising even herself. A few times, on days when several newly-sired souls arrived at once, Drusilla even asked Buffy's help in aquainting them with their new home.
Harmony continued to flutter in and out of their existences, but Darla, Drusilla, and William had become Buffy's almost constant companions. Drusilla was extremely easy to like, Buffy found. Inside of a week, she felt as though they had known each other for years. Darla, while certainly more prickles and thorns than the sweet Cockney girl, had become a surprisingly good friend, as well. They fought quite loudly sometimes, but it was fun. Buffy became aware very soon that the other woman was quite a bit like her in many ways that extended far beyond hair color.
It was William, though, who she most often spent time with. When she chose to visit earth again and keep an eye on her friends and sister, which she did on a daily basis, he would usually accompany her. When the mourning of those she loved became too much for her, it was his shoulder she would bury her head in and his arms that held her close in comfort.
One warm California morning, Buffy decided to look in on Dawn by herself. In a moment, she had sent herself to the Summers' living room, and there sat Dawn on the couch, a large pillow drawn up to her chest, crying softly. This was one of the things that Buffy found hardest to deal with. With tears in her own eyes, she joined her sister on the couch, unseen, and sent her as much mental comfort as she could. No sooner had she settled herself than Willow and Tara came down the staircase behind her, ready to begin the day.
"Dawny?" Tara asked in concern. "Are you okay?"
"No," Dawn answered bluntly. "No, I'm not"
Willow and Tara exchanged concerned looks as the redhead quickly moved to sit next to Dawn, wrapping an arm around her, while the blonde perched on the coffee table in front of her and took one of the hands clutching the pillow in her own.
"This has been hard for you, I know," Willow said sadly. "Your mom, Buffy, everything, but you need to know you're okay. You're safe. No will hurt you, and Tara and I will always take care of you."
"And Mr. Giles and Xander and Spike, they're all looking out for you, too," Tara assured her before adding, "and, well, Anya, she tries, and she likes you a lot."
Dawn nodded her head, but a tear still escaped from the corner of her eye. Willow's face crinkled in sympathy. In truth, she missed her best friend almost as badly. Buffy, invisible to all three of them, felt her heart breaking all over again. It was Tara who broke the silence, and the usually silent girl spoke with a kindness that reminded Buffy poignantly of Drusilla's soul.
"Dawn, you've been really, really brave through all of this, a lot braver than anyone could ever have expected you to be," she said simply. "I'm not going to tell you that the pain is going to just go away in a few days or week or months, because it's not, but I can tell you're growing stronger again. I can feel it humming around you in your aura, and I can see it when there are moments your eyes don't look so haunted. And Dawn, whether you know it or not, those moments are starting to happen more often."
"It still hurts, though," she answered as her face melted into a new set of tears. "Tara, it just hurts so much!"
Buffy wrapped an arm around her sister's neck protectively, caressing the girl's soul, as Willow did the same on the opposite side of her body. She realized that all four of them were crying now.
"I know, Dawn," Willow said. "It's not fair, and it's not natural."
Tara shook her head and the others looked at her in surprise. "No, Willow. It is natural, and it is fair. Dawn, Buffy loved you so much that she was willing to give her life for yours, and that gift was truly beautiful. All her life she's given to others in one way or another: her time, her innocence, her spirit, she gave them to whoever needed them. In just a few years on this earth, she did more for others than most people do in a whole lifetime. And now, after all of that, she finally gets to rest. She's earned that right."
Dawn looked up at Tara with an uncertain expression on her face as she asked, "Are you sure? You're sure she's happy? How can you know?"
Tara sighed softly and touched Dawn's cheek, "Some things you don't know, Dawn. Some things you just have to believe, and I really believe that wherever Buffy is, she's fine, just like I really believe that we're going to be fine, too. It's okay to mourn, Dawn. It's okay to feel that. But eventually, when the time is right, you'll know that part of your life you had with her, as wonderful as it is and as much as you'll always love her, has come to a close, and now it's time for you to find out what life holds for you next."
Buffy stared at Tara in shock. Only moments ago, she had been nearly certain that the only way to deal with things was to resume her life on earth in spite of the fact that in her heart she felt that wasn't the best choice for her. But she felt as though Tara's words had lifted a tremendous weight from her back. She was where she needed to be, and her friends were where they needed to be. She could look in on them, guide them, protect them as best she could from her new vantage point, but it didn't feel right to return to them in human form, not anymore. Her home was somewhere else now.
Dawn looked up at Tara and smiled at her as Willow drew her into a hug. Her sister's face held a look of resolve, a certainty that things, no matter how difficult they might still be, were going to be okay. Buffy brushed her hand over her sister's cheek as though to wipe away the tears, and then, giving her a kiss on the forehead and a smile to the two witches she knew would protect Dawn to their last breath, Buffy returned to Limbo with a much lighter heart. Her decision was made.
She never saw the determined, almost cruel look that crossed Willow's face.
Buffy didn't need to ask Drusilla where to find William now. Instinctively, she brought herself to his study, and sure enough, there was the soul with his nose buried deeply in a book, his glasses so far down his nose they were in danger of sliding off completely.
"A Tale of Two Cities again?" she asked conversationally as she sat beside him on the leather-upholstered sofa.
He grinned at her sheepishly as he closed the book. "Yes. How were things down there?"
She stood and reached out a hand towards him, drawing him to his feet, and he had the strangest feeling when he saw her expression.
"I want you to take a walk with me," she said softly as she laced his fingers through her own.
William nodded and became absolutely certain in that moment that she had made her decision, but what it was he didn't know. She took control of the atmosphere around them and slowly brought into being a beautiful, long, gravel pathway lined with stately plum trees in full bloom. The sunlight dappled the ground they walked on, and white petals drifted gracefully about them like enormous snowflakes. She took his arm and they walked together for a long time, the sweet smell of the blossoms filling their noses, until at last William felt he couldn't bare it another moment.
"I've decided," she said suddenly, her voice almost loud in the perfect stillness.
"Buffy," he asked quietly, "is this to be my last walk with you?"
She stopped walking and brought her hands to his face, tenderly caressing his cheek. "I choose you."
"But," he said, "but Buffy, you can have heaven! Absolute bliss! All you need to do is will it, and it's yours."
"I know, and someday, we'll both have that. If Spike dies before Dawn, I'll call my soul to me and join you there. If Dawn is first, then I'll wait for you on the other side, just like you waited for me here. For however long we have together, William, I want to be with you," she confessed almost shyly.
William's eyes pricked with tears at her words, and he drew even closer to her. "You're sure? You're completely sure this is what you want?"
She smiled up at him warmly, her eyes full of emotion as she finally said the words he'd never dared to hope he'd hear, "I love you."
"And I love you," he said as he moved his mouth over hers, their lips meeting and opening and accepting and touching and tasting in ways neither of them had ever dreamed were possible.
When at last the kiss ended, as all kisses must, Buffy and William looked into one another's eyes once more. She took his hand in hers again, leading him off the path and into a small, closely planted grove of trees. There, spread beneath the flowering boughs, was a massive, petal-strewn canopy bed covered in golden linens. William's eyes widened for a moment as the obvious occurred to him, and he barely believed what he was seeing.
"Buffy," he whispered softly, "this isn't some sweet dream? I'm not going to wake and find I'm alone again and you don't even know I exist?"
"When you wake up," she promised as she sank with him into the softness of the satin pillows, her fingers slowly opening the buttons of his shirt, "I'm going to be beside you. Forever."
Though they weren't in heaven, neither could imagine an ecstacy greater than they felt with one another at that moment. It was perfection.
But it was fated to last far less than forever.