A/N: Wow, Jewel... somebody likes reviewing! Not that I don't appreciate it. Which I do. A lot. A whole lot. And yeah that's my favourite chapter too.
A/N: What can I say about the new improved speedy updates? I forced a chapter out and it was like opening a... I'd say geyser but I know that's not the right spelling and A) I have no spellcheck at the moment and B) I can't be bothered, and also that word (spelt right) is too extreme. So since I forced out a chapter, it's been like opening a pleasant small dam where the river now flows safely and freely. I sound drunk, don't I? But as it happens, I am inspiration embodied! So let's get this god damn story finished!
Psychosis
Loading the last of her bags into her Volkswagon Beetle was no easy feat; Paige had some seriously bulky furniture that she didn't want to leave behind. Glad she'd chosen to rent out her old apartment rather than sell it, even though she felt bad about kicking out the current tenant with such short notice, at least she could live somewhere she knew - and felt a lot more comfortable in.
Slamming the car door shut, she turned and shaded her eyes against the bright sun which hung lazily in the sky, and saw Phoebe standing in the manor doorway watching her. Grimacing, Paige made her way up the stairs to join her sister.
"Are you sure about this?" Phoebe asked her, her voice heavy with concern. "Paige I..." She looked down at her own hands which were clasped about Paige's tightly as she considered her words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you out."
"Phoebe," Paige tried to soothe her sister. "I'm just an orb away. I'm sorry too. This all just happened too soon, that's all. I'm not able to cope with taking care of Piper. And believe me, I feel terrible but really I just need to be back in my own space."
She watched with sadness the solitary tear that trickled down Phoebe's cheek. Reaching over, she caught the salt-water on the end of her finger and wiped it from her sister's face, tracing her finger down Phoebe's jawline and lifting up her chin.
As Paige gave her a wan smile, Phoebe couldn't help but laugh in spite of herself. "You're right," she said. "And I understand. These last months have been tough on us all. I can only imagine what it's been like for you, you... newbie."
"And until I'm an old hand like you, I'll be fine living on my own."
Phoebe nodded and mouthed the word 'okay' while Paige turned around and made her way back down the steps. When she'd reached the bottom, Phoebe called her name and Paige turned around, looking at her expectantly. "Did you just call me an old hag?" Phoebe asked, her voice half-serious.
Laughing lightly, Paige gave a small wave and clambered into her suitcase-laden car. With one last glance at her frail sister standing waveringly on the steps, she pulled out and was gone.
* * *
When they fought I heard it. I heard every word when they fought. But I didn't hear it too. I heard it but I didn't hear it.
That doesn't make sense even to me.
I'm sitting in the attic. Nobody knows I'm here. I know I'm here, but I don't know why. I sit on the old rocking chair with the Book of Shadows resting on my lap. It's not open, so I sit and look at it, my fingers tracing the picture of the triquetra engraved on the front of it, it's wizened face staring back at me. I like to look at the Book. It holds no expectations for me now.
Frowning, I look a little closer at the triquetra. Did it always look like that? I thought all three of the sections were connected in the middle... wasn't that right? It was supposed to be connected. Like we were. My face falls as realisation dawns - since the Charmed Ones were broken, perhaps this is what happened to the Book. It became broken, like I did.
But something's battling with my memory, something's trying to fight through. Something I should be remembering, something important. Think, Piper, think! Back to just after It Happened, back to the months I was sane, I was not broken, the months I was sane. Yes, I remember now...
Well, in some ways I was broken. I'd gone on a demon-bender - seeking them out before they could get to me, chasing them up, escaping. It had been a way of avoiding the arrival of Paige too, of getting to know her, of accepting that Prue was no more, and now we had the new, improved, younger model. Only she isn't improved. No. When I became a Fury I blamed her for my pain. In some ways I still do.
They thought they'd fixed me when Leo and Paige brought me to Prue's grave. They thought I'd be okay after I'd completely lost it at the headstone. They were wrong. It felt like they were forcing Prue's death on me, drilling her absence into my thoughts, making it worse. I wouldn't accept - I couldn't accept it! How was I supposed to act when my one crash mat in the world suddenly got pulled out from underneath me and I was free-falling to the hard ground? Perfume smiles and flowers in my hair? No. I wouldn't lie to myself like that.
My eyes fall onto the broken triquetra. Back when Prue had just left us I used to spend whole nights searching in this, picking and choosing what beast I'd like to chase that day. And I distinctly remember that the engraved symbol on the cover of the Book was connected in the middle! It was interlinked together! It was!
But now, as I frown slightly in the haze of trying to use my mind clearly, I know that this symbol I look at is no longer the triquetra. But it didn't break apart when Prue died. No. Or when Paige arrived. She came to continue the Power of Three, there was no way the Power would've been broken because of her.
Suddenly I recall a time when a demon caused Prue, Phoebe and I to become enraged with each other, to scream and cry and throw things and yell and we lost our powers. We lost our powers and we lost the Power of Three. And this is what the Book looked like! Yes! Paige and Phoebe had that monster fight that they thought I wouldn't hear or wouldn't understand. But I heard it, and now I understand it. I've caused all this. It's all me.
The door slams below and it springs to mind that Paige had came into my bedroom about an hour ago and kissed my cheek, rubbing a hand down my face and looking sorrowfully into my eyes. "Goodbye," she had whispered, then walked away, leaving me with an immense feeling of sadness.
This is all my fault.
I should tell Phoebe. I need to show her the broken Book and try to fix it. Because I know there's still been demon attacks even since I've been... I'm not scared to say it... since I've been-
"Crazy."
Saying the word aloud seems to make it more final. More decided. It hurts that way. It makes me feel stupid and childish and selfish and weird. I didn't want this, okay? I didn't mean for it to happen like this! If nobody else will believe it, at least I have to. Yes, I believe. And another thing I believe is that I have to fix this.
When I glance up from the Book and see Prue standing not too far away I am unsure of how to react. There is a painfully long silence where she stands and I sit and she stares and I stare. Eventually, as if on cue, we both move together at the same time. I get up and she moves towards me and suddenly we're in a tight embrace, her arms around my back as my own entwine around her shoulders. But it's different this time. This time, it feels real. "Prue," I sigh, my collective breath escaping warmly.
As soon as I can bear myself to let go, I push myself away, holding her by the forearms and look at her, not scrutinising, but just as if I'm checking she's actually here.
"Piper," she speaks. "I know you're going through something terrible. But I've been dead for six months."
"No," I say quickly, trying to deny her of the right to be dead.
She responds by walking past me and picking the Book off the floor and setting it back on the podium. I watch as she traces a finger over the symbol sadly. "I didn't think you'd take it this hard," she tells me, not looking up from the Book. "Piper I didn't want to leave you the way I did-"
"Well why did you?" I cry angrily. "Why did you leave me?"
"Because that's just... it's..." For a moment Prue catces herself, looking completely bewildered. It's obvious she doesn't even know herself why It Happened. Finally she comes to a fabricated conclusion. "It was just my time to go."
I wet my lips and stare at her dirtily. How dare she come up with such an excuse? "Don't lie to me Prue," I growl. "Don't give Them the satisfaction."
"I'm sorry Piper, it's the truth," Prue tells me as if she doesn't really believe it, I can hear the cold anger in her voice that's she's trying to hide. She didn't want to go. She wants to be here with me now, I know she does.
My attention is stolen by the attic door opening. "Piper sweetie are you up here? I heard voic-" Phoebe stops short when she sees me. Or past me. "Piper, what are you doing?"
I pace towards her, feeling my sticky brow cool in the breeze with which she entered. "Look Phoebe," I whisper, not being able to contain my huge grin. "She came back. She's here!"
Phoebe walks right up to me and cups my face in both her hands, making sure I look exactly into her eyes. "Who's here, honey?" she queries.
Wondering if she's joking with me, I turn around to present to her the return of our sister when I am suddenly smashed back to Earth. "Where did she go?" I mutter. "Where did she go? Phoebe where did she go?"
"Where did who go, Piper?" Once again Phoebe is by my side, trying to get me to look at her and nothing else. Her face is agitated and concerned. The colourful mist around her head glows a bright orange. It's a warm colour, but not warm enough to heat the freezing chill that's stabbing into my heart.
I break away from Phoebe's grasp and walk over to the podium where Prue was mere seconds before. "Prue?" I call her name, trying to get her to come back. "Prue, Phoebe's here now. Please come back!"
I don't see Phoebe's face crumple with sadness but I do acknowledge her walking over to the rocking chair and picking the Book of Shadows up from the ground before it. How did it get back over there? Phoebe slowly walks towards me and gently rests the Book back on the podium before letting out a whimpering sigh. "Piper," she suddenly begins, "Prue wasn't here. She's never here. All the times you think you see her, it's just your mind."
No. That's not true. I must defend myself. "It was her this time, I know it. Phoebe, you have got to believe me. Please. I'm telling the truth, I swear."
Phoebe looks at me, her big brown eyes brimming with tears. "I'm sorry Piper. I can't. I can't believe anything you say anymore." She lowers her eyes and looks at our family's history condensed into one object: the Book of Shadows. "Oh my God," she mutters. "No, not again."
She's noticed that the triquetra has broken. I watch her watching the Book, as if something's going to happen and it magically comes together again, but nothing does.
"You fought," I say quietly, but Phoebe still looks at me sadly and reproachfully. "You fought," I repeat, "And you yelled. And now we're broken."
"Oh, Piper," Phoebe moans, and pulls me into a hug. "Our powers." I can't react. I stay rigid, my hands at my sides. My thoughts are too dominated with Prue and if she was really here or not. Either I saw her and she was real or I didn't and she's just a part of me being crazy again.
Whatever it was, I feel like today I've made a breakthrough.
I learned that this is my fault.
And that if it was my fault we got into this, it must be within my power to get us out. Perhaps my clear-headedness which I experience now is permanent. Perhaps I should treat this like it's a demon to be vanquished.
But I'll get us out.
Was it just me or did that darn Piper seem somewhat LESS crazy? Hmm... sounds like I have something up my sleeve, doesn't it? Well, your guess is as good as mine! Next chapter up by New Year. Oh yes, that fast.
This isn't a great chapter, but I thought I'd wait til the end until I told you so ha.
A/N: What can I say about the new improved speedy updates? I forced a chapter out and it was like opening a... I'd say geyser but I know that's not the right spelling and A) I have no spellcheck at the moment and B) I can't be bothered, and also that word (spelt right) is too extreme. So since I forced out a chapter, it's been like opening a pleasant small dam where the river now flows safely and freely. I sound drunk, don't I? But as it happens, I am inspiration embodied! So let's get this god damn story finished!
Psychosis
Loading the last of her bags into her Volkswagon Beetle was no easy feat; Paige had some seriously bulky furniture that she didn't want to leave behind. Glad she'd chosen to rent out her old apartment rather than sell it, even though she felt bad about kicking out the current tenant with such short notice, at least she could live somewhere she knew - and felt a lot more comfortable in.
Slamming the car door shut, she turned and shaded her eyes against the bright sun which hung lazily in the sky, and saw Phoebe standing in the manor doorway watching her. Grimacing, Paige made her way up the stairs to join her sister.
"Are you sure about this?" Phoebe asked her, her voice heavy with concern. "Paige I..." She looked down at her own hands which were clasped about Paige's tightly as she considered her words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you out."
"Phoebe," Paige tried to soothe her sister. "I'm just an orb away. I'm sorry too. This all just happened too soon, that's all. I'm not able to cope with taking care of Piper. And believe me, I feel terrible but really I just need to be back in my own space."
She watched with sadness the solitary tear that trickled down Phoebe's cheek. Reaching over, she caught the salt-water on the end of her finger and wiped it from her sister's face, tracing her finger down Phoebe's jawline and lifting up her chin.
As Paige gave her a wan smile, Phoebe couldn't help but laugh in spite of herself. "You're right," she said. "And I understand. These last months have been tough on us all. I can only imagine what it's been like for you, you... newbie."
"And until I'm an old hand like you, I'll be fine living on my own."
Phoebe nodded and mouthed the word 'okay' while Paige turned around and made her way back down the steps. When she'd reached the bottom, Phoebe called her name and Paige turned around, looking at her expectantly. "Did you just call me an old hag?" Phoebe asked, her voice half-serious.
Laughing lightly, Paige gave a small wave and clambered into her suitcase-laden car. With one last glance at her frail sister standing waveringly on the steps, she pulled out and was gone.
* * *
When they fought I heard it. I heard every word when they fought. But I didn't hear it too. I heard it but I didn't hear it.
That doesn't make sense even to me.
I'm sitting in the attic. Nobody knows I'm here. I know I'm here, but I don't know why. I sit on the old rocking chair with the Book of Shadows resting on my lap. It's not open, so I sit and look at it, my fingers tracing the picture of the triquetra engraved on the front of it, it's wizened face staring back at me. I like to look at the Book. It holds no expectations for me now.
Frowning, I look a little closer at the triquetra. Did it always look like that? I thought all three of the sections were connected in the middle... wasn't that right? It was supposed to be connected. Like we were. My face falls as realisation dawns - since the Charmed Ones were broken, perhaps this is what happened to the Book. It became broken, like I did.
But something's battling with my memory, something's trying to fight through. Something I should be remembering, something important. Think, Piper, think! Back to just after It Happened, back to the months I was sane, I was not broken, the months I was sane. Yes, I remember now...
Well, in some ways I was broken. I'd gone on a demon-bender - seeking them out before they could get to me, chasing them up, escaping. It had been a way of avoiding the arrival of Paige too, of getting to know her, of accepting that Prue was no more, and now we had the new, improved, younger model. Only she isn't improved. No. When I became a Fury I blamed her for my pain. In some ways I still do.
They thought they'd fixed me when Leo and Paige brought me to Prue's grave. They thought I'd be okay after I'd completely lost it at the headstone. They were wrong. It felt like they were forcing Prue's death on me, drilling her absence into my thoughts, making it worse. I wouldn't accept - I couldn't accept it! How was I supposed to act when my one crash mat in the world suddenly got pulled out from underneath me and I was free-falling to the hard ground? Perfume smiles and flowers in my hair? No. I wouldn't lie to myself like that.
My eyes fall onto the broken triquetra. Back when Prue had just left us I used to spend whole nights searching in this, picking and choosing what beast I'd like to chase that day. And I distinctly remember that the engraved symbol on the cover of the Book was connected in the middle! It was interlinked together! It was!
But now, as I frown slightly in the haze of trying to use my mind clearly, I know that this symbol I look at is no longer the triquetra. But it didn't break apart when Prue died. No. Or when Paige arrived. She came to continue the Power of Three, there was no way the Power would've been broken because of her.
Suddenly I recall a time when a demon caused Prue, Phoebe and I to become enraged with each other, to scream and cry and throw things and yell and we lost our powers. We lost our powers and we lost the Power of Three. And this is what the Book looked like! Yes! Paige and Phoebe had that monster fight that they thought I wouldn't hear or wouldn't understand. But I heard it, and now I understand it. I've caused all this. It's all me.
The door slams below and it springs to mind that Paige had came into my bedroom about an hour ago and kissed my cheek, rubbing a hand down my face and looking sorrowfully into my eyes. "Goodbye," she had whispered, then walked away, leaving me with an immense feeling of sadness.
This is all my fault.
I should tell Phoebe. I need to show her the broken Book and try to fix it. Because I know there's still been demon attacks even since I've been... I'm not scared to say it... since I've been-
"Crazy."
Saying the word aloud seems to make it more final. More decided. It hurts that way. It makes me feel stupid and childish and selfish and weird. I didn't want this, okay? I didn't mean for it to happen like this! If nobody else will believe it, at least I have to. Yes, I believe. And another thing I believe is that I have to fix this.
When I glance up from the Book and see Prue standing not too far away I am unsure of how to react. There is a painfully long silence where she stands and I sit and she stares and I stare. Eventually, as if on cue, we both move together at the same time. I get up and she moves towards me and suddenly we're in a tight embrace, her arms around my back as my own entwine around her shoulders. But it's different this time. This time, it feels real. "Prue," I sigh, my collective breath escaping warmly.
As soon as I can bear myself to let go, I push myself away, holding her by the forearms and look at her, not scrutinising, but just as if I'm checking she's actually here.
"Piper," she speaks. "I know you're going through something terrible. But I've been dead for six months."
"No," I say quickly, trying to deny her of the right to be dead.
She responds by walking past me and picking the Book off the floor and setting it back on the podium. I watch as she traces a finger over the symbol sadly. "I didn't think you'd take it this hard," she tells me, not looking up from the Book. "Piper I didn't want to leave you the way I did-"
"Well why did you?" I cry angrily. "Why did you leave me?"
"Because that's just... it's..." For a moment Prue catces herself, looking completely bewildered. It's obvious she doesn't even know herself why It Happened. Finally she comes to a fabricated conclusion. "It was just my time to go."
I wet my lips and stare at her dirtily. How dare she come up with such an excuse? "Don't lie to me Prue," I growl. "Don't give Them the satisfaction."
"I'm sorry Piper, it's the truth," Prue tells me as if she doesn't really believe it, I can hear the cold anger in her voice that's she's trying to hide. She didn't want to go. She wants to be here with me now, I know she does.
My attention is stolen by the attic door opening. "Piper sweetie are you up here? I heard voic-" Phoebe stops short when she sees me. Or past me. "Piper, what are you doing?"
I pace towards her, feeling my sticky brow cool in the breeze with which she entered. "Look Phoebe," I whisper, not being able to contain my huge grin. "She came back. She's here!"
Phoebe walks right up to me and cups my face in both her hands, making sure I look exactly into her eyes. "Who's here, honey?" she queries.
Wondering if she's joking with me, I turn around to present to her the return of our sister when I am suddenly smashed back to Earth. "Where did she go?" I mutter. "Where did she go? Phoebe where did she go?"
"Where did who go, Piper?" Once again Phoebe is by my side, trying to get me to look at her and nothing else. Her face is agitated and concerned. The colourful mist around her head glows a bright orange. It's a warm colour, but not warm enough to heat the freezing chill that's stabbing into my heart.
I break away from Phoebe's grasp and walk over to the podium where Prue was mere seconds before. "Prue?" I call her name, trying to get her to come back. "Prue, Phoebe's here now. Please come back!"
I don't see Phoebe's face crumple with sadness but I do acknowledge her walking over to the rocking chair and picking the Book of Shadows up from the ground before it. How did it get back over there? Phoebe slowly walks towards me and gently rests the Book back on the podium before letting out a whimpering sigh. "Piper," she suddenly begins, "Prue wasn't here. She's never here. All the times you think you see her, it's just your mind."
No. That's not true. I must defend myself. "It was her this time, I know it. Phoebe, you have got to believe me. Please. I'm telling the truth, I swear."
Phoebe looks at me, her big brown eyes brimming with tears. "I'm sorry Piper. I can't. I can't believe anything you say anymore." She lowers her eyes and looks at our family's history condensed into one object: the Book of Shadows. "Oh my God," she mutters. "No, not again."
She's noticed that the triquetra has broken. I watch her watching the Book, as if something's going to happen and it magically comes together again, but nothing does.
"You fought," I say quietly, but Phoebe still looks at me sadly and reproachfully. "You fought," I repeat, "And you yelled. And now we're broken."
"Oh, Piper," Phoebe moans, and pulls me into a hug. "Our powers." I can't react. I stay rigid, my hands at my sides. My thoughts are too dominated with Prue and if she was really here or not. Either I saw her and she was real or I didn't and she's just a part of me being crazy again.
Whatever it was, I feel like today I've made a breakthrough.
I learned that this is my fault.
And that if it was my fault we got into this, it must be within my power to get us out. Perhaps my clear-headedness which I experience now is permanent. Perhaps I should treat this like it's a demon to be vanquished.
But I'll get us out.
Was it just me or did that darn Piper seem somewhat LESS crazy? Hmm... sounds like I have something up my sleeve, doesn't it? Well, your guess is as good as mine! Next chapter up by New Year. Oh yes, that fast.
This isn't a great chapter, but I thought I'd wait til the end until I told you so ha.