A/N: Artemis is in this chapter... but I think a lot of people are going to be disappointed, because he doesn't get tortured (not yet!) Lots of names in this chapter! Take careful notice of the fairy names in this chapter and the next... even their first names are nature-related. I'm very proud of them.
Russian names and locations were supplied by my dear, violent, and more-than-slightly insane friend Margarita, who has visited that country on several occasions. They should be accurate and authentic, but if they're not, tell me, and I'll slap her.
Notes for the reviewers are at the bottom.
***
Kulguyev Island, Northern Russia
Artemis woke up, very slowly. His thoughts were bland and disjointed, and his abilities of memory and concentration were not in good operational order. When he could speak, his first sentence was, "Butler, could you please bring me a sweater? It's a bit chilly." His slurred words were not quite understandable, but they did attract the attention of an abnormally large gentleman sitting in the corner. He looked tall and very bulky, although that may have been because of the enormous parka he wore.
"The kid's awake, Kovach," he said in Russian, sounding bored. The door swung open on rusty hinges, and a smaller and similarly dressed man came in. His face looked young, but if you had removed his toque, you would have found he had a conspicuous lack of hair, save for two reddish tufts around his crowns. His round, beady-eyed face was scarcely visible amid the large, exotic ruff of his coat.
"Awake, eh, Pchelka? Maybe this place will liven up. He should be making that dramatic escape Vassikin's been expecting any time now."
"Ha, ha," Pchelka barked hoarsely, after a small lapse. He was the more stupid of the two. "Maybe."
"Can't believe his put two of us on guarding this baby. You'd think he's some kind of genius from all his talkin'."
"Ha, ha," Pchelka laughed, again after with his customary lapse. "He's done a lot more talking than's good for him lately. He messes up one more time, Boss'll feed him to the dogs."
Artemis wasn't really hearing the conversation around him. He felt that something wasn't right about the situation. There was something missing. It took him a moment to figure it out—he hadn't opened his eyes yet. He couldn't see. He smiled sleepily. Of course.
He opened them wide, and saw Pchelka lurking over him with a grin. That's not Butler, he thought. "Where is Butler?"
"Kid's talking nonsense," Pchelka informed Kovach.
"Whoever had him used some pretty strong drugs."
"Uhn," Pchelka grunted back.
Artemis tried to move, and couldn't. He was tied to chair with thick bonds of rough material. At this moment, his memory clicked in place and he realized what had happened. "Uhhhck," he groaned.
"See?" said Pchelka proudly, triumphant that his ability to discern nonsense from sense had been proven.
"I see," said Kovach patiently.
"If you want money, I can pay," said Artemis.
"Smart kid," said Kovach switching to heavily accented English, ruffling Artemis's hair in a friendly manner. Artemis snorted in disgust. "But Boss wants revenge, not money."
"I'm still 13. What can I do?" said Artemis, recalling fragments of Pchelka and Kovach's disbelief they had to guard a child and trying to play off it.
"It's not what you can do, it's what you did," Kovach responded, with Pchelka nodding agreeably in front of him.
"I shot my father and gave the five million. What was wrong with that?" he said, trying his hardest to seem puzzled and plaintive, and avoiding large words.
"I'll tell you what's wrong with that. There was no five million. I know Kamar and Vassikin and all those old ladies say there was, but we all know they were just covering their butts." Grunts of agreement from Pchelka.
"What do you mean, disappeared?" he asked innocently.
"Stop playing games, runt. Besides, it don't matter what you tell us. We're not in charge here."
"You're not?" he asked. Kovach stared for a moment.
"You're the kid that's supposed to be endangering us all? Do you know anything? Do you even know who we are?"
"Am I supposed to?"
"We're mafiya, kid." Artemis stared, and then laughed.
"Mafiya? Like The Godfather?"
"They're Italian," said Kovach sullenly.
"Ok, then, so, like all those evil Russians on TV? With guns?"
Kovach sighed, and turned to his partner, reverting back to Russian. "What are we doing here, Pchelka? This kid doesn't know nothing about anything. I'm gonna kill Vassikin, the big baby. " Artemis had to try hard to hide his smirk. Pchelka shrugged.
"When did he say he was gonna be here anyway? A couple hours?"
"A couple days, more likely," said Kovach sourly. "He takes his time."
"He can't dawdle, Boss'll skin him alive."
"He can too, and he will." Pchelka and Kovach glared at each other sullenly.
Artemis wondered if he could break the bonds. He struggled quietly for a few moments, to no avail, before clearing his throat loudly. "Excuse me, but my Russian is not very good. I would appreciate it if you could explain what's going on in English."
"We're not telling you anything."
"Well, can't you tell me what's going to happen to me?" Artemis didn't have to try hard to sound scared.
Pchelka and Kovach grinned for the first time. Artemis had a horrible feeling in his stomach as he watched the hungry, malicious glittering in their eyes.
"Heh, heh... You'll find out soon enough, runt," Pchelka rubbed his hands together with malevolent glee.
Artemis felt decidedly nervous.
***
Operations Booth
Foaly was in a state of semi-shock after being briefed by the commander, and stalked down the halls toward the Op Room that until recently had felt like home. Waiting for him there was Glen Aspen, carrying equipment and weapons that Foaly had designed but never used. He gulped, shifting his weight around all four limbs nervously.
Aspen wisely tried to hide a grin of delight at his superior's case of nerves, and started handing Foaly the weapons. "I guess you know how to use these already..."
Foaly squeaked. Aspen stared. Foaly quickly tried to clear his throat, and save his dignity. "Ah, I mean, well, actually, I could use a bit of a catch-up course. I mean, just the basics."
"Oh..." Aspen said. "Like what?"
"Like... how to aim a weapon."
"How to – how to – " Aspen garbled. For a moment, Foaly's facial coloring strongly resembled Root's.
"You know, the proper stance, and where to look, and all of that."
"You weren't kidding when you said basics, were you?" Aspen said.
"I'm not a field officer! Techies don't have to know those things. Do you?" Foaly wished he hadn't asked that as soon as he said it—the arrested look on Glen Aspen's face said that clearly, he did.
"You know, the Handbook of Technical Procedures and Regulations states that the creators of technological weapons should be familiar with weapon use so they can design them effectively for practical operation in the field – "
"I wrote the Handbook of Technical Procedures and Regulations, Aspen," Foaly growled, looking at the floor. If only he had gone to a couple of those courses and conventions that were always advertised...
"I see. Well, I'll see if I can get an instruction pamphlet." The young techie left the operations booth, and returned back in a few moments with a thick brochure labeled 'On Target: An Introduction to Firing on the Range for Amateurs'. "There you go... anything else?"
"No," Foaly snapped.
"Ok, get down to the chutes."
Foaly clopped over to the door, hoping that the fact he was in charge of Aspen's paycheck would keep him from blabbing this all over the office.
***
Police Plaza
Things were slowing down, which was troubling. About half the goblins had been recaptured, but the other half had completely disappeared. Root's officers were still out and roaming the Lower Elements in search of the offenders, but not a shred of skin had been found. It was very puzzling, and very unnerving. It likely meant that the escaped convicts were gathering together some place and organizing an attack on Haven. Goblins shouldn't be too hard to stop on their own—but with Opal Koboi possibly on their side, things could get dangerous. Root needed every officer he had.
The momentary quiet did give Root a chance to do some thinking about the case that weighed most on his conscious. It was really up to Foaly now, but Root had to address an issue that had been ignored so far.
Holly had asked him one good question when she had found out about the assassination – "Who?" – but missed another even more important one: how. Root didn't know how anyone could have got into her house. All LEP officers, and Recon especially, had security regulations on their homes. As arresting officers, they were often the subject of robberies and worse from revenge-driven convicts they had put behind bars.
Foaly would be better at figuring out the technical ways that an assassin could have penetrated the security systems with, and deciphering what tampering had happened. Root could do what he was better at—investigating suspects.
He brought up a document, and began typing out a list of every person he could think of that would have access to Holly's home. He realized quickly that while he had seen her joking around with a number of officers, he didn't know who her good friends were, and he was going to have to talk to someone who did. The problem was, he didn't know who he should talk to, and didn't know how to find out. He looked over his scant list, deep in thought.
He came to the conclusion that the person he was going to have to talk to was Corporal Frond. He wasn't exactly overjoyed with the prospect, but if there was anyone who kept close tabs on an officer's social life, it was Lily Frond. She knew everything about everyone, with all the juicy rumors and gossip. Root grimaced. He hated the idea of prying into an officer's social life, but he really didn't have a choice.
He paged Lily Frond's communicator. A sugary, high-pitched voice answered. "Corporal Frond."
"Corporal, this is Commander Root."
"Is it? Well of course it is! I'd known your manly voice anywhere." Root blinked, and decided not to comment.
"I have a somewhat problematic situation here, and I was wondering if you could assist me."
"Anything for you, Commander," gushed Frond.
"Good. What can you tell me about Captain Short?"
'Her? Well, she's very nice, I suppose, but if you ask me, not the most... well, there isn't really a nice way to put it. I mean, have you seen the inside of her house? It's a pigsty. And crew cuts are sooo ugly. If I were you, I'd go for someone a bit different... For example, not that I mean to brag or anything, but if you want someone you can really – "
Root cut her off, cursing inwardly. "Corporal, this is strictly business. I need to know who might have had access to her home."
"Oh, ok, well... I was just talking to Chix Verbil the other day, and he says Holly's totally gone for him, so he probably could have got in any time. And she seems to get along real well with Captains Kelp and Vein, if you know what I mean..." she said. Root gritted his teeth. He knew perfectly well that Holly abhorred Chix Verbil, and that her associations Kelp and Vein were purely professional.
"Corporal, I need to know solid facts. Does she have a best friend? Any siblings?"
'Umm, let me think..." Root could almost see the Corporal's perfectly powdered face furrowing as the gears of her brain began churning. "Her best friend would probably be... what's her name... Amber something. Had a funny last name. They always hung out."
'Can you get any more specific?"
"Well, it started with an 's'. I remember that, because they met at the Academy, and the lockers in the changerooms were in alphabetical order, so they had to share. They should really do something about that, you know. There isn't enough room for two uniforms in one locker, and they always were crumpled. I had to iron everyday. You could do something about that, couldn't you, Commander? Pretty please?" Her honeyed voice grated against his nerves.
"Maybe. Did it start with 'Sh', then, like Short?"
"No, I don't think so... There aren't that many people in the Academy, you know, and especially not girls."
"Yes, I do know, Frond. Is there anything else you can remember?"
"She was good at telekinetic stuff, I think. Or she pretended to be. Always showing off," sniffed the blonde Corporal.
"Alright. Thank you."
"Is that all?"
"Yes. Return to your assignment."
"Of course, Commander. Are you sure that's all? You don't want anything else from me?" Lily Frond's syrupy voice dripped with seductive sweetness.
"I'm sure, Corporal," Root said, and cut off the line.
***
Somewhere
"Where under the earth are we?"
Mulch sniffed the dirt. "Someplace north, I think. It's pretty cold." That hadn't exactly been what Holly had been asking, be she decided to pretend it had. She didn't want Mulch to know of her ignorance of mines.
"Uh-huh?" she said, turning around. It was then she saw Opal Koboi, on the ground, with some blue sparks hovering on a lump in the middle of her forehead. She also saw her rock nearby, and began to laugh aloud as she realized what had happened.
"What's so funny?" said Mulch, peeved.
"Ahahaha... Opal Koboi. My rock hit her. Right in the head."
"Your rock... So that's how you got to be Captain—dumb luck." Holly spared him a glare, and then leaned over, placing her fingers at the carotid artery in Opal's neck. There was a strong, steady pulse.
"She's alive," she said, slightly relieved in spite of herself.
"Oh, joy," said Mulch sarcastically. Holly began briefly frisking her for weapons, and to her joy found a Neutrino 2000. But the second she touched it, her palm exploded in pain, and she dropped it instantly.
"Ouch!"
"You're not cutting yourself again, are you?"
"No—try and pick up that Neutrino, Mulch." He did, with a yelp of pain.
"What has she done—programmed it to reject any foreign touch?"
"Maybe. I don't know how. Foaly probably does." Holly's stomach dropped in disappointment and, to her surprise, loneliness at not having her four-footed friend whinnying in her ear. It would have been nice to have been armed. "Well…" She picked up Opal's body, with was not difficult, as pixies were small creatures and Opal was slim. She wrapped Opal's hand around the gun, and held the body in front of her like a shield. "That'll have to do."
"The good thing is," Mulch said. "She's probably programmed her security for her DNA. As long as we're toting her around, we can probably get just about anywhere."
Holly took for granted that the thief knew more about security than she did, and smiled. Things had taken a very nice turnaround.
"So, are you going to tunnel us out?" she said. Mulch looked very uncomfortable
"Um, well, you see, the thing about that is..."
"Is what?" she asked in disbelief.
"Haven't you noticed, Short...?" Holly paused, and she noticed. She noticed that even as she stood there, her magic was churning into overdrive, making a protective seal around her skin. She knew why. She'd felt this before, in the Russian Arctic.
"Oh no..."
"Uranium. This is a uranium mine, Holly." This was not entirely correct, as it turned out, but was close enough. "I can't eat through uranium." Holly knew she couldn't ask him to. It would murder him from the inside out. He'd have cancerous tumors in a month. He was off even worse than her, without magic to protect him.
"Where do you think we are? Northern Russia?" Mulch shrugged doubtfully.
"I don't know—I was never one for geography." Holly sighed. Just a moment ago she'd been so elated with their success. "Don't worry," said Mulch, glancing at her. "We can get out of here another way."
"You're right," said Holly, nodding. "We walk one way or another, and eventually we'll get out. Right?"
"We walk this way," Mulch pointed to their right.
"Why? ...Ah, the pipes." The pipes that ran along the roof came from the right.
"Right. Got the pixie?"
"Uh-huh. I wonder what's with the video camera..." she said, plucking the tiny contraption from Opal's pocket. She stopped again. 'A ransom tape? Do you think it's a ransom tape? The LEP wouldn't pay for us unless they thought we were alive, so she had to tape us."
"Whatever—you know more about this stuff then me."
They started moving again, with Holly muttering things under her breath. "That makes sense. That's the most plausible answer. So they're trying to get us back, then. That's always good. Things are good..."
A/N: Ahahahaha, that was fun to write. If anyone is wondering (I don't know why they would be), the day I had the idea for this story, I had been underground in a mine for 'Take a Kid to Work Day' at our school. It's very very dark and very very dangerous, with of course made it very very appealing, so I went home with the idea of writing about it. I was told that if you ever get lost underground you have to follow the pipes, and I don't know how to do that, but I'm going to pretend that Mulch and Holly do, so please don't ask questions about that. *innocent smiles* do review...
To the Reviewers:
Crazygirly007 – I do like your name! It's great! It's my best friend! My only friend, actually! *further retreats into corner with padded walls* I love Mulchie too! He's my role model. So is Holly. That's why my morals are so messed up. *furious nods* And look, I wrote more! See? It's up there ^ Btw, I just read your profile, and I love your original quotes... I've gotta get me some of those!
The Seasyngr – Do they? I'm not alone! Haha, I should start a cult... And in answer to your questions *mysterious voice* Maybe... Actually, one of my best friends (the one mentioned in acknowledgements) is Russian, so I agree with you. Except she's also the craziest person I've ever met in my life. She won't wear nail polish because she thinks it gives you AIDS...
Arqueete – That... is the biggest compliment someone can give! One of them anyway. *dances around the room* You're my hero now!
Kyoko-san – Don't worry, I'm not offended! I like reviews that actually say something practical and useable. Of course, I like the ridiculous, flattering ones too. I even like the flames! I just like reviews. And Arty was in this chapter... Even though you haven't found out what's going to happen to him yet *evil smile*
Artemis Fowl the Second – yay! I'm forgiven! *more dancing around the room* glad you liked the chapter!
Mage Kitty – Thank you for remembering!!! It's hard to believe anyone did, considering that I forgot it. hehe, I get high too... off of reviews, good stories, good books, and other various things. A lot of various other things. Actually, I think I'm just naturally high. *pink bubbles float by*
Slime frog – Teeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Incase you didn't realize, that was an attempt to send you subliminal telepathic signals to brainwash you into updating your story again, which I just finished reading. But anyone would realize that, of course.
AleniaOceanstar - *shock* But how can you say that? I love your stories! In fact, I'm going to pound you on the head with a fish until you update! I have no clue where that came from. Oh well. *starts pounding*
Blue Yeti – Your note is going to be 20 times the size of everyone else's, because your review was too J !! Actually, I was seriously considering putting a dwarf-tossing comment in there, but then I decided not to for some unfathomable reason. And you can never watch LOTR too often! I'm up to *counts on fingers* six. It would be more if there weren't so many other interesting movies out right now. I'm going broke as it is. I do have to say, though, I'm more of an Elijah fan than an Orlando one... just look at his eyes... ummmm... *drools* Peter Jackson sure knows how to cast hot guys, doesn't he?
Blue Yeti Again - I know EXACTLY what you mean about torturing people in your head... your imagination can be so much worse than reality, and in this case probably is... like, in Silence of the Lambs movie version, how the guy shows Starling this picture of somebody the GD Lecter mutilated... and a close up of Starling's reaction says so much more than the actual picture would have. Then, of course, in Hannibal they DO show it, which is why they are so completely stupid and brainless. You don't scare people like that. You leave it to the darker, more creative side of the viewer. Ok, I'll stop ranting now, I promise... it's hard. I have too many opinions.
Blue Yeti One last time - Oh... I have been reviewing? *checks history* ok! Well, I'm even more insane then I thought. I think I must have been reviewing in my sleep again. My reviews aren't nearly as nice as yours, anyway. Yours are so long and nice and flowy and humorous and pro.