See previous chapters for disclaimers
A/n: By god it's been a while eh? Well what can I say? It must be the level of sheer brilliance that I have been reading over the past few days that struck inspiration into the old mind once more. There are a few new kids on the block since I last posted and I just wanted to say hi, and keep up the stunning work. Ok, just one more thing.. I am now using my parent's computer and so have none of my old names, emails and messenger contacts I used to have. Would really like to get chatting again so I would appreciate it if you could all send me an email (clairesmail@mail.com) and let me know what names you are all using now on messenger. Did that make any sense at all? Lol, ok I'll leave you in peace now. Bye! xxxx
Neither spoke for what seemed an eternity. Clarice couldn't believe they had been so lucky, and sat in shocked silence. Looking over she could see him turning the blade in his hand, his eyes trained on the sharp harpy.
" Hannibal." she paused.
She didn't know what to say to him. His warning had rung clear in her head, the sound still echoing around the car. He looked up to her, seeing the pain and conflict in her eyes.
" Indicate, pull onto the road and drive twenty miles. There's a motel on the right, I want you to pull over."
His voice was cold, that she picked up instantly, but it was the look in his eyes that unsettled her the most. Like sharp steel mixed with moulting lava was the closest description she could conjure, and the effect it was having on her was nothing she had experienced before. Now she knew the last thing those who had crossed him had ever seen. Was this what it was going to be like? She wondered. It was only a matter of hours ago that he had worshiped her, his hands gentle yet firm, his eyes loving and kind. And now this, nothing short of the complete opposite.
Suddenly feeling claustrophobic, Clarice fumbled for the door handle and scrambled out of the stationary car, her lungs drawing desperately at the abundance of clean cool air. Walking a few yards from the car, back in the direction they had come from she stopped and ran a hand threw her hair, her shoulders shaking as she tried to process everything that was happening to her, the changes that were occurring in her life, the past thirty hours.
" I'm sorry"
The quiet apology seemed loud in the silence of the desert, especially on this night when there was no wind to sweep the simple words into oblivion. She didn't turn to face him, unsure of what exactly she wanted to say to him, and, she admitted to herself, a little afraid of what he himself might have to say.
" When did my life become so fragile?" she whispered to the horizon, a purely hypothetical question never meant to have an answer.
Slowly turning, her boots causing a swirl of dust, she studied him as he leaned, arms crossed, against the back of the car, his own eyes studying the dark shapes on the horizon.
" You scared me," she whispered, her voice wavering a little as the adrenaline left her body, leaving in its wake a puddle of conflicting emotions.
He looked at her then, her own stance reflecting his, her eyes shiny in the last of the days light.
" I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice sounding much stronger than her own she thought.
" You cant expect me to give up everything that makes me, me Hannibal. I can't do it. I wont do it."
There was silence then, complete, and she paused to savour it for the briefest of seconds, before casting her eyes on his approaching form, small clouds of disturbed sand forming behind his silent steps. Keeping her arms wrapped around herself her own eyes didn't waver from his, and before she knew it he was standing toe to toe with her, his face unchanged, emotionless, dark. It was with a trembling breath that she began to speak once more, her voice no louder than the whispering wind that made it's way across the great plains they were standing in.
" I can't keep up with you. Last night, last night was.I waited a very long time for last night to happen, and it was beyond everything that I had ever imagined it to be.the emotion, the release, the.joining we shared was incredible, and it was the right thing to do. I have no regrets Hannibal. I saw a side of you last night that no one else has ever saw, and the way you looked at me was.. breathtaking. And then.the way you looked at me not ten minutes ago was nothing short of.. deadly. And for the first time in all the years I have known you.you scared me. I was afraid.. of you. You can't play me like that Hannibal. You can't twist my emotions to get what you see as a suitable response. I won't let you do that to me. I will walk away right now and never look back if you think."
" I'm sorry"
The almost silent whisper was enough to stop her mid rant, and she tilted her head silently as she processed the words he had just uttered. An apology. He was apologising to her.
" The worst thing I could ever do in this lifetime Clarice, more cruel than any other crime, would be to set about changing anything about you. It would be.. unforgivable."
Clarice looked down to the small space between their feet and took a long shuddering breath, her mind and body exhausted from everything that had occurred. A finger below her chin brought her eyes up to meet his once again, and she looked sadly into the gentle face she had seen the night before. His dark expression had melted away leaving in it's wake a tight and slightly regretful smile.
" I have watched you for many years Clarice. Watched and waited with patience very few men will ever process. I have observed from afar the changes that have occurred, however slowly, to make you into the woman that stands before me today. Do you truly believe that after so long I would want to change that which you have become?"
He shook his head then, a finger running slowly down one cheek, his thumb caressing the edge of her bottom lip with a gentleness that still surprised her.
" I have lived by my own ideological cocoon for many years Clarice, my own set of values and, dare I say, morals? It has never let me down. It is what has allowed me to continue with the lifestyle I am accustomed too, it is what has allowed me to continue watching over you, and I do not hold any regrets over any action of mine which has allowed me to maintain that which I call my life. Like you Clarice, I find the prospect of change to be.unnerving, which as you may imagine is an emotion I do not experience very often. Some would label me a creature of habit, and I am inclined to agree with them to a certain degree. I knew with certainty that one day we would be together, and with that came the knowledge that one day you would be confronted with the choice, the choice between them and me. It's a simplistic way of putting it I grant you but none the less true. If you were forced to choose between me and saving a life who would you choose? You would choose the lamb. I have always known this Clarice, it is no surprise to me, but my question to you is this: Can you live with a man, sleep with a man, love a man who would choose the opposite without regret, hesitation or thought? Could you turn a blind eye Clarice? Could you wrestle your inner demons into submission when they haunt you in your dreams? The answer is of course no. You wouldn't be able too."
He used the back of his hand to wipe away the tears that had trickled down her cheeks, and leaned forward slightly to brush a whisper of a kiss across her forehead.
" Which is why it is I that must change."
Clarice looked up, startled, to his eyes, her head forming a well-worn crease as she processed what she had just heard.
" I once asked you if you would ever ask me to stop Clarice and if memory serves you told me not in a thousand years. I have decided to reword the question and direct it to the only person who can answer it. Would I ever stop if my reward was spending the remainder of my life with you?"
Clarice unconsisiouly held her breath for an endless moment as she waited for his answer.
Pssssss.Please be gentle, I'm very rusty, but I would still appreciate a wee review. xxxxx
A/n: By god it's been a while eh? Well what can I say? It must be the level of sheer brilliance that I have been reading over the past few days that struck inspiration into the old mind once more. There are a few new kids on the block since I last posted and I just wanted to say hi, and keep up the stunning work. Ok, just one more thing.. I am now using my parent's computer and so have none of my old names, emails and messenger contacts I used to have. Would really like to get chatting again so I would appreciate it if you could all send me an email (clairesmail@mail.com) and let me know what names you are all using now on messenger. Did that make any sense at all? Lol, ok I'll leave you in peace now. Bye! xxxx
Neither spoke for what seemed an eternity. Clarice couldn't believe they had been so lucky, and sat in shocked silence. Looking over she could see him turning the blade in his hand, his eyes trained on the sharp harpy.
" Hannibal." she paused.
She didn't know what to say to him. His warning had rung clear in her head, the sound still echoing around the car. He looked up to her, seeing the pain and conflict in her eyes.
" Indicate, pull onto the road and drive twenty miles. There's a motel on the right, I want you to pull over."
His voice was cold, that she picked up instantly, but it was the look in his eyes that unsettled her the most. Like sharp steel mixed with moulting lava was the closest description she could conjure, and the effect it was having on her was nothing she had experienced before. Now she knew the last thing those who had crossed him had ever seen. Was this what it was going to be like? She wondered. It was only a matter of hours ago that he had worshiped her, his hands gentle yet firm, his eyes loving and kind. And now this, nothing short of the complete opposite.
Suddenly feeling claustrophobic, Clarice fumbled for the door handle and scrambled out of the stationary car, her lungs drawing desperately at the abundance of clean cool air. Walking a few yards from the car, back in the direction they had come from she stopped and ran a hand threw her hair, her shoulders shaking as she tried to process everything that was happening to her, the changes that were occurring in her life, the past thirty hours.
" I'm sorry"
The quiet apology seemed loud in the silence of the desert, especially on this night when there was no wind to sweep the simple words into oblivion. She didn't turn to face him, unsure of what exactly she wanted to say to him, and, she admitted to herself, a little afraid of what he himself might have to say.
" When did my life become so fragile?" she whispered to the horizon, a purely hypothetical question never meant to have an answer.
Slowly turning, her boots causing a swirl of dust, she studied him as he leaned, arms crossed, against the back of the car, his own eyes studying the dark shapes on the horizon.
" You scared me," she whispered, her voice wavering a little as the adrenaline left her body, leaving in its wake a puddle of conflicting emotions.
He looked at her then, her own stance reflecting his, her eyes shiny in the last of the days light.
" I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice sounding much stronger than her own she thought.
" You cant expect me to give up everything that makes me, me Hannibal. I can't do it. I wont do it."
There was silence then, complete, and she paused to savour it for the briefest of seconds, before casting her eyes on his approaching form, small clouds of disturbed sand forming behind his silent steps. Keeping her arms wrapped around herself her own eyes didn't waver from his, and before she knew it he was standing toe to toe with her, his face unchanged, emotionless, dark. It was with a trembling breath that she began to speak once more, her voice no louder than the whispering wind that made it's way across the great plains they were standing in.
" I can't keep up with you. Last night, last night was.I waited a very long time for last night to happen, and it was beyond everything that I had ever imagined it to be.the emotion, the release, the.joining we shared was incredible, and it was the right thing to do. I have no regrets Hannibal. I saw a side of you last night that no one else has ever saw, and the way you looked at me was.. breathtaking. And then.the way you looked at me not ten minutes ago was nothing short of.. deadly. And for the first time in all the years I have known you.you scared me. I was afraid.. of you. You can't play me like that Hannibal. You can't twist my emotions to get what you see as a suitable response. I won't let you do that to me. I will walk away right now and never look back if you think."
" I'm sorry"
The almost silent whisper was enough to stop her mid rant, and she tilted her head silently as she processed the words he had just uttered. An apology. He was apologising to her.
" The worst thing I could ever do in this lifetime Clarice, more cruel than any other crime, would be to set about changing anything about you. It would be.. unforgivable."
Clarice looked down to the small space between their feet and took a long shuddering breath, her mind and body exhausted from everything that had occurred. A finger below her chin brought her eyes up to meet his once again, and she looked sadly into the gentle face she had seen the night before. His dark expression had melted away leaving in it's wake a tight and slightly regretful smile.
" I have watched you for many years Clarice. Watched and waited with patience very few men will ever process. I have observed from afar the changes that have occurred, however slowly, to make you into the woman that stands before me today. Do you truly believe that after so long I would want to change that which you have become?"
He shook his head then, a finger running slowly down one cheek, his thumb caressing the edge of her bottom lip with a gentleness that still surprised her.
" I have lived by my own ideological cocoon for many years Clarice, my own set of values and, dare I say, morals? It has never let me down. It is what has allowed me to continue with the lifestyle I am accustomed too, it is what has allowed me to continue watching over you, and I do not hold any regrets over any action of mine which has allowed me to maintain that which I call my life. Like you Clarice, I find the prospect of change to be.unnerving, which as you may imagine is an emotion I do not experience very often. Some would label me a creature of habit, and I am inclined to agree with them to a certain degree. I knew with certainty that one day we would be together, and with that came the knowledge that one day you would be confronted with the choice, the choice between them and me. It's a simplistic way of putting it I grant you but none the less true. If you were forced to choose between me and saving a life who would you choose? You would choose the lamb. I have always known this Clarice, it is no surprise to me, but my question to you is this: Can you live with a man, sleep with a man, love a man who would choose the opposite without regret, hesitation or thought? Could you turn a blind eye Clarice? Could you wrestle your inner demons into submission when they haunt you in your dreams? The answer is of course no. You wouldn't be able too."
He used the back of his hand to wipe away the tears that had trickled down her cheeks, and leaned forward slightly to brush a whisper of a kiss across her forehead.
" Which is why it is I that must change."
Clarice looked up, startled, to his eyes, her head forming a well-worn crease as she processed what she had just heard.
" I once asked you if you would ever ask me to stop Clarice and if memory serves you told me not in a thousand years. I have decided to reword the question and direct it to the only person who can answer it. Would I ever stop if my reward was spending the remainder of my life with you?"
Clarice unconsisiouly held her breath for an endless moment as she waited for his answer.
Pssssss.Please be gentle, I'm very rusty, but I would still appreciate a wee review. xxxxx