Chapter 12 Every Thing for the one thing I can't have
Author's notes: ok…. …this has got to be one of my most successful story so far, wel, or maybe its jus cuz I didn work on da others…^^'' well, I'll really miss this story….i'm seriously thinking if I should add a sequel to it, but right now, I'm out of ideas, in fact I was stuck for a long time thinking how to make da last chapter work out the way I want it to….so, I'm not sure……well, *sighs* here goes….
Legend
Italics- Thoughts of a Character
*author's notes:blhablha*- author's notes, my notes
((…..)) – Extra Info
"….." – Dialogue between characters
~~~~~~~~~~~ - Scene Change, divider.
Thank You's list:
ILoVeLiSyAoRaN- Thank you for your review!! Well, I hope this chapter won't disappoint you!
Your Evil Twin- HIIIIII TWIN-CHAN!! Ehehe..our ad onli worked a bit..cuz nobody *pouts* wanted to join except for one person. Hmph!! Anywayz, cya later!! *waves*
Pink Cherry Blossom- Heyloz! Thank you for not killing Sakura! ^^ but don't kill me after you read this chappie, cuz I only got one life!!
SweetBabyGurl- thanks for your comment, but I'm a really bad author!! Yupz….well, I'm glad my story um….made you cry?....o.O I dono if datz a good thing..-_-" newayz, fanku!!!!!
Sailor moon faerie- OHOHOHO *hugs u* WE GOT A NEW STUDENT! Mwahaha..ok…well, er…me and my twin hafnt been working too hard on it yet, we'll definitely let you know the address of our 'school' after we establish it..-_-" ahaha…it sounds so strange, but you can't take back what you said.mwahahaha you belong to us now~!!!!! Ahahahahaha ….-_-" ok..i'm sorry, did I scare you? I'm a very weird and freaky person, and if you ask TomoyoTeng that, she'll agree 100%. Well, anyways fanks a lot!!!!! *smiles*
Mikilovesfanficsalot- thank you a lot!! I hope this will be a satisfying chapter…
Diana@Lineelu2001- *gulps* I'm sowwy I musta forgotten to email you, ehehe I have bad memory ^^'' I hope you forgive me *bows* , well I surely hope this is a good chapter….*sniff* I hate endings, but it really draws a story together to a conclusion.
Devilblossom- thank you a lot, here's da chappie, hope ya enjoy~
Aerisakura and Smashfriends- thank you a lot, I really hope this chapter will be a great chapter …. Thinking of doing a sequel, but it all depends on what you people think for me to decide whether I should make a sequel.
ChIbI yInG-fA- lol, oh I will finish it don't worry, and thanks a lot anyways!
bIsHoUjO KoKoRo mEgAmI- Here is tha long awaited chapter, and of course I'll read your story, ehehe I'm a very forgetful person, not to mention a lazy person too, so if I don't get the chance to check it out, do remind me!! And thanks anyways.~ ^^
Jenny- I'm really happy that it's a memorable story to you, and I hope you'll like this chapter!
Evil Emzo and Princess Apathy- HEYLOZ! Evil emzo is so dangerous!! Owwwiieee you poked me like a 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 x infinity times. *sniff* you so mean. *pokes evil emzo* I would poke you even more times, but I cant do dat rite now, or else ppl will haf to scroll down like 10 pages.-_-" o well, *sniff* mah storie's coming to an end soon!! *sniff* I'll miss it…I HAF A NEW IDEA FOR A STORY COMING UP SOON!! Hope you'll like ta check it out when I get it up. Oh, and btw, you said you were going to get a new story with your new idea, dicha get it up yet? If you did, email me n sent me da link or jus tell me da name of it..ehehe cuz im a very very lazy person as you mite haf known already. Anyways, dis is too long need to cut short, cyaz!!!
Silverwing- Glad dat you like my story, here is da chappie! Thank you! ^^
Amora- I know it maybe similar to a few other stories, but from what I've seen, I think der was too much of those 'it's all syaoran's fault, and sakura's the one's who's hurt" kind of fic, not dat I don't like Sakura, that's why I tried to make my fic a Syaoran centered fic. I'm sorry if it's a bit too typical, but I'm still glad dat you reviewed.
Starlight Princess- O.O when you said " * yawns* I thought you were going to say that my story was boring! Ehehe, but phew I was wrong. Anyways, thank you a lot!! I hope you'll like this chapter!!
Sakura Potato- Thank you for your review! I really hope this will be good! ^^
- Here it is~
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Author's notes: I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD MAKE A SEQUEL BUT WELL, LET'S JUS SEE HOW THIS GOES!!! AND DON'T KILL ME BEFORE READING WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AT THE BOTTOM!!!!
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Touya stared down at his sister, as her dry and purple lips tried to call out Syaoran's name. Touya clenched his fists, and turned around. He gritted his teeth, raged at the pain his sister was put in front of. Tomoyo stared out the window sadly as her mind went blank. Sakura's eyes opened halfway and her trembling hands reached for somebody. Tomoyo walked over to Sakura and held her hand. Sakura tried to talk, but Tomoyo put a finger on her lips telling her to be quiet.
"…Sakura-chan, you've fainted and you're really weak right now, so just take a good rest," she said quietly in a soft voice.
"…Syaoran…" Sakura mumbled. Touya turned around with his piercing eyes.
"ok, stop it now!" He shouted. Sakura was taken back by his reaction and so was Tomoyo.
"What are you talking about that gaki for?! He's the reason why you're here, I don't want you to go near him ever again!" He said angrily. Sakura stared at Touya with her tired eyes.
"..Oni-chan, I know you love me, but I can take care of myself," she said.
"No you don't, that's why you're here!" He snapped. Sakura shook her head slightly.
"No, I'm here, because I found the answer to the most important thing in my life," She said quietly. Touya rolled his eyes, and held his hand up, palm facing Sakura.
"forget it, I'm not going to start this," he said, and walked out the room. Tomoyo sighed, and sat down beside Sakura.
"Sakura-chan, what is your answer?" She asked softly. Sakura's eyes landed on the photo beside her bed, and with a shivering, weak hand, she pointed at it. Tomoyo felt tears at the back of her eyes threatening to slide down her silky skin.
"…I'm so happy, that you found your answer, I wish you the best, and I'm glad I have a friend like you, a strong girl that will stand up to face her feelings no matter how hard it has been, I'm proud of you Sakura-chan, you have not disappointed me," Tomoyo said with a smile. Sakura closed her eyes and whispered lightly;
"….me too."
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Sakura felt her legs on the cold pavement of the road as she tried to stand still. A hand reached down at her and pulled her up. She turned around to see Tasaoran. She brushed the dirt off her robe.
"Arigato Tasaoran-kun," she said. Tasaoran smiled.
" you're still so weak, you shouldn't try to walk alone," he said. Sakura rolled her eyes.
" I've been sitting on my bum for the last few days already, if I keep that posture, I'm probably never going to be able to walk again!!" she exclaimed. He smiled.
"strong aren't we," he said as he helped her to the bench.
"when are you leaving?" He asked. Sakura's eyes widened.
"…how..? how did you know I was going?" she asked.
"..well, you gave up such a great guy (ME) so you must be going for somebody else," he said with a wink. Sakura whacked him playfully on the shoulder.
"ouch!! Maybe you really CAN walk now, since you can hurt a guy so much," he exclaimed. Sakura suddenly grew quiet, and looked at the ground.
"..i'm sorry tasaoran-kun, I never meant to hurt you," she said quietly. Tasaoran looked around uncomfortably and smiled.
"Sakura-chan, if it wasn't ok, I wouldn't be here, so don't worry about me," he said. Sakura smiled, glad that she didn't lose a friend.
"here, let's go back to the room now," he said as he helped her up, and they walked away.
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A powerful energy surrounded the mansion. Yelan looked up from her book and she felt her son's strength growing, and a small smile of satisfaction planted on her lips, as she went back to her book.
In the training room, Syaoran had his hands clasped together and his hair moved with the energy so immense as he felt his power gathering up in his hands. His eyes opened as it flared with determination and power. Over the few months of intense training, he had never felt this powerful before. His magic level increased higher than even Yelan had expected, perhaps it was because of the pain that still lingered in Syaoran's heart. He tried his hardest to get it out and focus on his training, to be powerful, to be stronger than he had ever been….- hoping it'll make his heart stronger too, hoping to forget the girl living in his heart. A little voice inside his mind keeps telling him: you know you'll never forget her, even if you kill yourself, the memories will still linger inside your grave, echoing through your hollow body, and within your soul.
"I never gave up on you Sakura….you gave up on me," he whispered quietly as all the remaining power within him came out into a blow and the walls crumbled down and for the walls for 6 rooms where broken and he could see through each room. He wiped the sweat of his forehead, and changed into something fresh.
"…I see you have improved, my son," Yelan said. Syaoran bowed slightly when he saw his mother.
"Life, isn't always about what you own, it's about what you can let go, and you, my son, has learned to leave behind the things every mortal cannot leave behind, this is a sign of strength, you've overcame your weakness," she said, a bit of pride in her tone, but somehow, Syaoran did not feel proud at all. Mother…..you don't know it, but I still haven't left it all behind…..something is still within me, but I assure you, that someday I WILL get rid of it……somehow.
That night, Syaoran sat at his desk, with his desk lamp turned on and the rest of the lights off. It was dead silent; the way he had wanted it to be…all his life. His goal was to be dead silent, keep away from emotions that will set him off course, silence that can let him dwell within it until he couldn't sense again. He was aware of what this emotion could lead him to, but he let it go on, because she felt more important than his pride. But was it really pride? No…it probably wasn't. It was the only way for him to live his life, it wasn't simple pride, it was the way he could be safe from feelings. Wonderful, it was when Sakura smiled at him and he felt her pink aura, but that was as wonderful as it could get.
He realized, he gave up everything he had. Not just his family, not just his clan, not just his pride, or love or time. He let down his barrier, he welcomed her into his arms, but he was actually bending, kneeling on the cold floor the whole time. Kneeling for longer than he'd known it, kneeling in front of the one he loves. Kneeling for so long, so cold, his knees were scraped, sliced, scratched, and bloody. There wasn't any pain he felt, it was numb, and so was his love. He thought it was love, it was what kept him there, what made him stoop so low for the person that was supposed to fill his emptiness. But he realized, it isn't…..it isn't. It was love that brought him there, but it was his emptiness that felt so desperate to be filled, the desperation to hold onto what was left, that kept him there, in Tomoeda for so long.
Was it worth it all, what he'd done? He didn't know, and didn't feel like thinking about it. All there's left is the result. The result of the bloody scraped knee, the heavy heart he would give away, if he could, and the tears that might lighten the load.
Never been so weak in his life, never been so regretful, and lost, nothing can change that, life goes on. He didn't want to dwell in their memories, he didn't want to dwell in the past nor think of the future. This moment, alone, is too heavy to carry on with life. Fall asleep…maybe it'll be the answer to his problems. Maybe the next day he would forget everything, and be the person , the powerful sorcerer that didn't need to hide his emotions, because he had nothing to hide- That's the person he wanted to be, that's the person his life was supposed to lead. That's him. Maybe he can let go….but if he can't….than maybe a long sleep will help.
He sighed, and let out a breath. He had figured out a lot of his feelings that night, and it's time he made his feelings clear to Sakura. He took out a piece of paper, he took a thin blue inked pen, and started writing. He couldn't get himself to talk to Sakura again, because he had nothing to say to her face, but there are some things that he wants to let her know, whatever it might lead to.
Life has it's meaning….but mine just ended. Maybe I can forget it…….maybe, tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the next year, but my heart will always remain in today's time.
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A pair of rough hands, rinsed a dish over the tap carelessly, and angrily. Fujitaka glanced at Touya, as he saw his son washing the dishes angrily. He sighed.
"I was away, and I'm not so aware of what happened, but if this is what Sakura chooses to do, let her go, she's a grown up girl, she can take care of herself, and even if it is a mistake to go, a person need to go through problems, and mistakes and learn from them, in order to grow," He said gently. Touya kept on with his work splashing water everywhere when he dug his hands into the sink to rinse the dishes.
"It can be a mistake that she can't afford to make, she'll end up in a mental hospital," he said between gritted teeth.
Fujitaka sighed, and went out of the kitchen in defeat. Sakura came down the stairs softly.
"Otou-san, I'm going over to Tomoyo's house for the night today, ok?" Sakura said, as she put on her shoes.
"Ok," he said with a smile. "Becareful!"
"I will, ja ne!" she said, and closed the door behind her. As she walked onto the empty street, and stared at the sun set ahead of her. She drew in a sharp chilly breath. Autumn was here, every leaf that fell on the ground felt like another day passed right in front of her. A cool breeze swept across, and suddenly she felt desperately wanting the warm embrace of Syaoran. She could see her breath as she exhaled into the cool air. It looked like a cloud, one that seemed to feel good and relieving in some way she couldn't describe. She pressed the doorbell at Tomoyo's door, and waited for her to come.
"Konnichiwa Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo said with a smile, and invited her in.
"Want something warm?" Tomoyo asked as she hung Sakura's coat on the coat hanger. Suddenly a weird smile came on sakura's lips.
"I'm freezing cold…but I don't feel like having anything warm, I feel like having a cup of ice cold water," she said, amused at her own request. Tomoyo's eyes widened, and put a hand on her forehead.
"are you sick? It's freezing, and you still want ice??" She asked. Sakura shrugged tiredly. Tomoyo went to get her what she wanted. As they went upstairs to her room. Sakura gripped her hand tightly on the glass of ice water. She felt her hands burn, but she gripped it tighter, as she and Tomoyo talked. The coldness numbed her fingers, and soon she felt her hands feel numb too. Tomoyo hadn't noticed Sakura's hands, and was busy showing her some costume design sketches she drew. Sakura just smiled, and sweat dropped at the weird costumes in store for her.
That night, they lay in they're beds, Sakura on her sleeping bed below Tomoyo's bed, and Tomoyo turned over to Sakura.
"So when are you leaving?" Tomoyo asked.
"I'm going in two days…..but I'm still worried, I don't know if Syaoran is still mad at me," Sakura said softly.
"I'm sure he wasn't, don't worry about it,"Tomoyo said comfortingly.
"…well…even if he doesn't want me there, doesn't want me back anymore, I will still go there, for my sake," she said. Tomoyo smiled and yawned.
"let's got o sleep now," she said, and turned off the lights, as they both fell asleep from the tiring day.
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"Sakura, do you have everything you need?" Fujitaka asked. Sakura took out her list, and checked everything off, and nodded. Touya stood at the side, with his arms crossed. Sakura hugged Tomoyo and Fujitaka. Her plane was boarding now, and she had to go.
"….Sayonara Oni-chan, I'll be back," she said with a smile, and waved. Touya kept his posture and looked away. As Sakura got her ticket checked and was about to board the plane, she heard a voice.
"You better take care of yourself, because if you come back with a broken heart I won't help you!" Touya's voice echoed in Sakura's ears. She smiled and nodded.
"JA NE, MINNA-SAN!" She called. Tomoyo smiled and walked forward.
"IF YOU DON'T COME BACK WITH LI-KUN, I WON'T LET YOU COME BACK!" She called. Sakura smiled.
"DON'T WORRY I WILL!" She called, and got on the plane.
"I'm coming, Shaoran-kun," she whispered, as she laid her head back on her seat and closed her eyes. The second that the plane left the ground, an envelope sealed with the name "Sakura Kinomoto" on it was dropped into a mailbox.
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A pair of piercing eyes glared at the emerald eyes, of whom, belonged to a girl who was sweat dropping.
"KINOMOTO-SAN, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS, YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME THAT YOU WERE COMING UNTIL DAIDOUJI-SAN CALLED ME ONE HOUR AGO??" Meiling screamed in Sakura's face. Sakura sweat dropped, and bowed in apology. Meiling put her hands on her hips and continued to glare at Sakura for another 10 seconds, then a huge smile came to her lips, and she got her driver to help put Sakura's bags into the trunk and pushed Sakura into the car.
"Meiling-chan, I don't think this is such a great idea, I can't live with you for now, I mean, what will Syaoran think, maybe I should just find a hotel first," Sakura said frantically.
"I'm sorry, but I don't care about what he thinks, you're MY guest now, and you WILL stay with us," she said. Sakura sweat dropped, and sat back in defeat.
"I'm HOME, and I brought a GUEST!" Meiling called, when Sakura's luggage was unloaded. Yelan came out into the hall.
"Meiling, what are you screaming about," she asked. Meiling smiled, and pushed Sakura forward, like a gift.
"I brought a guest, can she stay with us for awhile, auntie?" she asked. Yelan stared at Sakura, as her pink aura was examined carefully by Yelan.
"I see the card mistress is here, it's been a long time, of course she can stay for awhile," she said with an elegant, polite smile, and told Meiling to choose one of the guest rooms for her, and went back to her room.
After Sakura unpacked her stuff, Meiling grabbed Sakura by the hand and led her to the training room. They tip toed quietly to the training room and Meiling put a finger to her lips telling Sakura to be quiet. Meiling's hands touched the door, and a voice came out.
"Meiling, I know you're there, no need to hide, you're starting to annoy me," he said. Meiling sighed in defeat, and opened the door. Sakura was at the side, and Syaoran didn't see her. Meiling told Sakura to stay there for a minute. She walked over to Syaoran. Syaoran was in a white training robe, and a traditional band tied on his head, with his hair over it, and it has a traditional symbol on it. Sakura peeked in a bit, and felt her cheeks turn hot.
"how did you know I was there?" Meiling asked with a pout. He side glanced her.
"I always know. I know everything around me, every little thing," he said, and continued on to concentrate on his power. Meiling smirked.
"Oh really? Everything?" She said. Syaoran ignored her.
"If you know EVERYTHING, then I wonder if you know who's behind that door right now," Meiling said, pointing at the door. Syaoran's eyes snapped open. He didn't need to feel the aura, he knew something was wrong. He knew some one behind that door is someone that he most certainly does not want to face. He drew in a small breath, and closed his eyes, trying to focus back on his training, but his heart was thumping against his chest, and his head flooded with thoughts, doubts, regrets…feelings.
"…please, no," he whispered softly to himself. Feeling the energy surge through his veins, as the door creaked open a bit and Meiling pulled a light brown haired girl. His back was to her, but the moment she entered the room, his energy went out of control, he almost felt as though he had eyes at the back of his head, he could just see her face, the once so angelic face, now turned so hard to look at. He felt his hands, his body, tremble, and his green aura felt like it exploded, it blew Meiling and Sakura half way across the room. Syaoran's eyes snapped open, as he quickly got up, and shook his head. He bit the inside of his mouth, and tore off the band on his head, and walked out of the room, his feet almost making a dent, a mark, on the floor.
Meiling stood up with her eyes wide open, and her mouth hung open, then she snapped out of her trance, and pulled Sakura up. Sakura brushed the dirt off her clothes, and stared at the open door.
"What on earth was that?!" Meiling said loudly.
"He scares me sometimes," she said with a sigh.
"he's probably just too shocked to see you, and he doesn't know what to say, don't worry," meiling said with an assuring smile. Sakura nodded a bit. I hope she's right…I really hope so.
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KNOCK KNOCK, Syaoran heard a knock on his door of his room. He slowly stood up and walked over to the door, his hand reached for the doorknob but it stopped. He drew his trembling hand back. He couldn't concentrate, he couldn't think and he didn't want to talk to the person outside, so he turned around and let himself fall backwards onto his bed and his body bounced up a little as it hit the hard mattress of his bed. He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. The knocking got louder, and Syaoran continued to ignore it.
"COME ON, SYAORAN, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" Meiling demanded. " OPEN THIS DOOR! You're not being fair to yourself nor to Kinomoto, give both of you a chance at love one more time! I know you, and I know you won't ever love somebody the way you love Kinomoto again! Come out, and be a man, face your problems! You spend like 12 hours a day to train yourself, what you're really hoping for isn't to build yourself up physically, you hope to forget everything of the past and built your inside stronger, to keep yourself away from feelings. YES, I agree that the past should be left as the past, but RIGHT NOW, THIS ISN'T THE PAST SO DON'T IGNORE IT AND PRETEND IT NEVER WAS HERE, BECAUSE IT IS HERE!!" Meiling yelled through the door and thumped down the hall. Syaoran stared at the door.
I'm Not pretending it isn't here……I know I caused Sakura pain, I know I caused a lot of people to worry and concern about us, especially Meiling….but I gave up myself to Sakura when I stepped off that plane the first day I stepped on Tomoeda grounds. But yet, I was merely nothing to her, like a worthless ant trying to crawl back into Sakura's life…and ruin it. Her life wasn't the only one ruined…….mine was too. It's just that after all the begging there was nothing left in me to show her that my life was messed up, I don't need them to see that it's ruined, because I have no interest in being pitied.
I'm already dead, not physically, but I know something inside is already dying…………what exactly is it?
I don't know, but I do know that it can't be recovered……
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Autho'rs notes: WAIT WAIT WAIT BEFORE YOU START SCREAMING AT ME ABOUT WHY I ENDED IT LIKE THIS, JUST LISTEN!!! I-AM-NOT-FINISHED YET, OK!?? I'M REALLY SORRY FOR THOSE WHO WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE LAST CHAPTER!! But things turned up, n I kept on typing and I really still haven't gotten to the ending, and I fink it's getting a bit too long, so I decided to cut the last chapter in two parts/two chapters, so the NEXT CHAPTER will be the last one, I'm really sorry! I really planned this to be the last chapter, but as you can see, things changed a bit. ANNYYYWAYYSSS I WILL GET TO THE NEXT AND FINAL CHAPTER OF THIS STORY NEXT TIME, I ASSURE U!! OKK BYEBYE! AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW~!