I don't own anything and I'm not making any money.
I'm hoping this is amusing enough to be worthy of the challenge for Margret Fowler, so here you go: Margaret, swallow whatever is in your mouth. Do not take a sip of water. This is your wet keyboard warning, Babe!
At minimum the prompt gave me the encouragement to get this story idea typed up :)
It also touches on Steph's b-day for the October Janet Evanovich Fan Fiction challenge.
oOo
May 2nd 05:03 (5:03 am)
I felt the breath leave my lungs in a loud whoosh as Tank's massive fist made contact with my abs. We'd been in the ring for just shy of two minutes and the big guy wasn't messing around. I'd known better than to bait him yesterday. Orienting new hires always leaves him in a foul mood and this batch was trying his patience more than normal. Add Ranger being in the wind, leaving Tank with the bulk of the CEO duties and he'd turned into an all out bear.
Poking his temper in front of the new guys had been too good to resist though. The looks of shock and awe had been totally worth the beating I was currently taking.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Bobby walk into the gym and I knew I was safe. He'd keep Tank from doing too much damage. Even if it was only to keep me alive so he didn't have to manage my portion of the core team duties.
May 5th 09:20 (9:20 am)
"Where've you been, man?" Vince asked as I walked into the breakroom to grab a quick coffee.
I was a little over an hour late for my shift, but it was totally worth it.
"There were these twins," I said, pausing for a minute to let the look of interest bloom across his face like I knew it would. "They were identical with identical endowments."
"Santos!"
Ranger's voice barking behind me had my arms dropping to my sides and my spine straightening. Cousin or not, I was only 98 percent certain Ranger wouldn't actually kill me.
"Hey, man. Didn't realize you were back."
"Obviously. Mats, tomorrow at 0500. And since you'll already be here, you can start your shift early to make up for your missed time."
Shit. I was still sore from the beating Tank had given me earlier in the week. I better enjoy today because tomorrow was going to suck.
June 10th (2:22 pm)
Bobby pulled our Rangeman SUV up behind Ranger's Cayenne and I took in the scene before climbing out of the vehicle.
Steph was sitting on the curb across the street, a safe distance from her burning car. The firetrucks had arrived and were spraying it down, so I knew from experience they'd have it put out soon.
Carl and Big Dog were in the process of wrestling a guy that could rival Tank for size into a cruiser, so at least it looked like she got her man. For all the good it did her.
Morelli was still in front of her, waving his arms and looking like he was about to pop a blood vessel. It was tempting to stay in the vehicle where I couldn't hear his bull shit and wouldn't be tempted to assault a police officer in the presence of a bunch of other police officers.
Probably the same thing Ranger was feeling judging by how tight his jaw was. If he didn't relax a bit he was going to break a tooth. But if you didn't know him, he looked like he was impassively watching the scene. Not imagining places to ship the cop off to that he would never make it back from.
"Think it's safe to approach?" Bobby asked, breaking into my mental musings. He'd been taking in the same scene and probably also cataloging Steph's potential injuries. She looked fine from here, but that didn't mean much where she was concerned. Steph would do just about anything to avoid going to the hospital or being treated on the scene.
"Probably not," I finally replied. "But we better do it anyway before Ranger decks the cop."
By the time we were halfway to their little huddle, we could make out what Morelli was saying and I put a bit more pep in my step.
"Christ, Cupcake. I can't believe you went after a fucking arsonist. With your track record. And he has a fucking history of assault. How deficient in common sense do you need to be to even consider it?"
I noticed Ranger's hand started twitching. Hopefully he was only thinking about planting a facer on Morelli and not shooting him. Either way, I decided it was best to redirect everyone's attention judging by Ranger's slipping composure and the tears gathering in Steph's eyes.
"Hey, Beautiful, looking a little sooty there. Want me to take you home and help you get cleaned up?"
Morelli had been so caught up in his ranting he hadn't noticed us approaching, but turned his irate gaze on us at my voice. God, I hope he doesn't stroke out. Bobby would feel compelled to do first aid.
"And now the rest of the goons have arrived," he said before turning back to Steph. "You know what? Call me when you're ready to use the tiny amount of sense God gave you."
With that he stomped off and my heart clenched as I saw a tear roll down Steph's cheek.
I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I knew Ranger's control was thin but I needed to put a smile back on her face.
"Offer's still open for help getting clean. I'm really good in the shower." I added an exaggerated eyebrow wiggle that usually amused her.
Instead of the indulgent smile and smart ass comeback I was expecting, Steph turned red and Ranger finally snapped.
"Mats 0500 tomorrow."
What the hell?
"Let's go, Babe. I'll take you home and get you cleaned up. And I'm sure Ella will be happy to find you a snack."
With that, he pulled her up from the curb and practically molded her to his own body as they moved to the Cayenne leaving me behind and slightly bewildered.
June 11th (05:01 am)
I was standing in the gym, ready for my mat time even though I wasn't one hundred percent sure what exactly set Ranger off this time when my phone dinged with an incoming text.
No mat time.
Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I hightailed it out of the gym.
Interestingly, Ranger not only skipped mat time, but he hadn't turned up by the morning meeting.
I was tempted to observe that neither he or Steph had emerged from the seventh floor, but decided to watch my mouth. At least for a day or two.
July 3rd (11:58 pm)
"You fucking asshole," I heard from behind, prompting me to turn only to take a fist to my jaw.
I'd been dancing with a gorgeous blonde - Cammie? Or Cassie maybe? - and I was more focused on sneaking my hands into the open sides of her dress and copping a feel than paying attention to my surroundings.
Apparently that was a mistake.
Focusing on my attacker, I saw it was Vince and was momentarily surprised.
Some of the guys and I had hit a new club tonight. Tank was acting as our designated driver. I knew he'd watch my back so I had a bit more to drink that was probably wise. But as far as my tequila addled mind could process, Vince had been fine a few minutes ago. He'd said something about hitting the head before his new girl joined us.
Oh shit.
Just as I had the thought, Cammie or maybe Cassie, started trying to get between Vince and I.
"We were just dancing," she was saying in a placating tone to Vince as he tried to dodge around her to get at me.
"Like hell that's all you were doing, Carrie," he said.
Vince sounded less sober than I did.
He'd just gotten around his girl - Carrie apparently - and landed a second punch on my ribs when Tank stepped between us.
"You two aren't doing this here," he said.
"Fine. Santos, mats 0500."
I nodded, fairly confident I'd get out of a second trip to the mats in a row once he'd sobered up and calmed down. But either way, the Rangeman method of solving personnel problems fit our testosterone driven workforce a lot better than a trip to HR. Of course that was always an option, but it was a hell of a lot less fun.
August 15th (11:43 pm)
I was standing in McGrady's, a dive outside of Trenton, keeping an eye on our skip. He'd been here twenty minutes and thrown back enough liquor that his guard should be down and Ranger would probably be sending Steph in soon.
Almost like my thoughts summoned her, Steph swung through the door and it was all I could do to keep my blank face in place.
She had on a leather skirt and some sort of sparkly top that seemed to defy gravity. For the life of me, I couldn't quite work out how it was staying in place.
She moved further into the room and I saw the magical top flashing just a hint of the side of her breast when she moved. It was hypnotizing. I needed to look away, but I couldn't.
"Sweet Jesus," I muttered, unable to help myself as I shifted uncomfortably.
"Santos," I heard growled through my earpiece.
I wasn't sure what was going on with Ranger and Steph, but something had changed since she spent the night at Rangeman after her last car explosion.
I thought it might be a good idea to avoid provoking him until I'd sorted it out
That thought went out the window as I saw Steph notice the skip eyeing her. She had her back to the bar, sitting on a stool, casually observing the room. While the skip watched her, she scooted her ass forward and arched her back like she was stretching before crossing her mile long legs.
"God, those legs. She's going to kill me."
"Santos, mats 0500," I heard through my earpiece alerting me to the fact I'd said that out loud.
"Shit, boss. Have you seen her in that outfit?" I couldn't help trying even though I was likely digging my hole deeper.
I got confirmation when Tank's voice came over the line next. "Shut it, Santos."
Fortunately, the skip had also been captivated by Steph's little maneuver as well and I saw her leading him out the door. At least my current torture was over.
August 31st (9:08 am)
Cal's fist connected with my ribs and it took everything in me not to release an audible grunt. Out of all the guys, he was the closest to Tank in terms of sheer bulk and he punched like a fucking battering ram.
This morning's trip to the mats was courtesy of a bet with Zero and Manny.
Vinnie had been keeping Steph busy with skips and she hadn't been in to run searches recently. We typically had two other guys in the research department but one was on paternity leave and the other was in Miami training. Which left us short staffed and filling in to cover the most urgent searches.
Zero had had the idea to make it more interesting with a bet. Whoever had the least number of searches done by the end of shift had to spend the next day addressing Cal's head tattoo instead of Cal himself. And you had to call it Sir Mortimer.
I'd lost.
And by the third time Cal had called me to the mats. Immediately.
The bet had made the day of searches go faster but my ribs were paying for it now.
September 23rd (10:12 am)
It was Abuela Rosa's birthday and Ranger and I were both attending the obligatory brunch hosted by her daughters - aka our mothers.
I was sipping a mimosa and reclining in my chair while watching Ragner get harassed by his mama and sisters. Apparently Elena had brought a friend. A newly single friend. Who she was trying to set up with her good looking CEO brother.
It was fairly obvious that Tia Maria was completely on board with the plan. Poor Ranger was the black sheep of his family. Four of his five siblings were married and Elena was engaged with a wedding planned for after she finished her doctorate program.
I lucked out in that department. I only had two siblings and somehow managed to be the one my own mother fretted over the least. Isabel, my sister, was a free spirit, traveling the country with a band and living in a van. My brother has managed to father four children with three women by the ripe old age of 26. He's currently living in mama's basement since most of his money goes to child support. Not long ago, one of his get rich quick endeavors had gotten him arrested and he'd somehow ended up in Steph's pile of skips. I'd had to help her bring him in because if he gave her so much as a paper cut Ranger would have killed him. That would have put a damper on family gatherings.
Snapping out of my musings, I turned my attention back to Ranger just in time to see him side step an attempt by Elena's friend to lay her hand on his bicep while talking. His jaw was twitching and I was betting the disconnect between his brain and mouth that made him say idiotic things was about to go off.
Sighing, I tossed back the rest of my drink and got up to go to the rescue.
Tia Maria and Elena might have some vague hopes that this girl could finally get Ranger to settle down. But I knew something they didn't know.
Steph had stayed at Rangeman three times last week. And Ranger had stayed at her apartment twice. The only woman with a chance of capturing Ranger for more than one night was the Bombshell Bounty Hunter.
"Hey Carlos," I said, enjoying using the name he only tolerated from me while around his mother. She did not approve of the whole street name thing.
He gave me a tight nod, but I could tell his mind was turning over possible exit strategies. With anyone else, he would just walk away but he did try to use basic manners with his family.
"Lester," Elena said, clearly more excited by my presence than her brother. "Tell Carlos he works too hard. He can afford to take the evening off and have dinner with Meghan."
A mischievous grin started to spread across my face before I locked it down. "He has plans with his girlfriend. I don't think she would like that."
"Girlfriend?" Tia Maria nearly shouted, swiveling her head to look from me to Ranger.
"Colleague."
Tia Maria leveled Ranger with a look that clearly said explain.
"I'm having dinner with a high profile client. He's bringing his wife. Stephanie - who you've met before - is accompanying me. I trust her to watch my back. She also knows the sales profile on the system my client is considering upgrading to."
"Maybe you should bring her to dinner here. I'd like her opinion on our security system."
The sarcasm in her tone was hard to miss and I wasn't surprised to see Meghan fidgeting and shooting daggers at Elena with her eyes. Probably this isn't the set up she was promised.
Giving her a closer look now that Tia Maria's matchmaking had been diverted, I slipped my arm into hers and nodded towards the exit with a questioning glance.
"I'm Lester, Elena's favorite cousin," I said, barely registering Ranger's parting words.
"Mats, asshole. Tomorrow."
October 12th (11:12 pm)
I'd had a surveillance shift run until nine and it was close to ten by the time I finished up some prework I would need for a meeting tomorrow. Sometimes core team duties were a real drag. I wasn't usually on the floor this late, but was glad for the scheduling fluke when shouts went up from the control room.
Lula, Connie, and Mary Lou had taken Steph across the river to Philly for her birthday. Zip and Hal were on body guard duty and had been sending check ins all evening. It had been pretty tame so far - at least considering the group we were talking about. The girls had had a fancy diner before deciding to try an escape room. Apparently they'd had a bit too much to drink during dinner and had somehow gotten themselves kicked out of the escape room. My money was on Lula being Lula, but you never knew when Steph was involved.
After that, they'd taken an Uber to an upscale club and Hector had somehow accessed a live feed of the dance floor. The first guy who tried to grind on Steph was what caused the uproar from the guys. By the time the second guy tried it, Ranger lost his legendary control.
"Anyone off shift who wants to hit the club - be in the garage in ten."
That was all the invite I needed to sprint to the efficiency apartment Bobby and I shared on the second floor. We both lived off site but it was nice to have somewhere to crash when shit hit the fan or we were pulling after hours duties.
By the time we got to the club, the girls were a few margaritas deep and Steph had practically launched herself at Ranger. Not thirty seconds later, the two of them were on the dance floor behaving indecently.
Not that I wasn't happy for them. After Ranger had taken Steph to dinner with his family, he'd finally gotten his head out of his ass about the whole relationship thing.
When the two of them finally surfaced to get a drink, Lula had practically barricaded Steph at the table while she ordered a round of shots. I didn't catch what it was called, but it was pink and shimmery and went down like water. I had to hold back a laugh when Steph pulled a face and shook her head like it burned before turning a surprised look towards Ranger who had also downed a shot. "Not a temple night?" I overheard her ask.
"I'm relaxing and celebrating you tonight."
That was sickeningly sweet and I couldn't resist goading him a bit. "Don't let him fool you, Beautiful. Back in the day, he could outdrink almost anyone he met. His temple can handle a bit of abuse."
That set the guys off telling stories of their more outlandish adventures with some amusing anecdotes thrown in from Lula about her colorful past. From the corner of my eye, I could see Steph wrapped firmly in Ranger's arms, just taking it all in with a contented smile on her face. After so many years of watching her bounce back and forth with the cop and get pressured by the Burg, it was nice to see her so happy and relaxed.
After about half an hour of shooting the shit, Lula declared it was time to dance again.
Before either of them could object, I scooped Steph from Ranger's lap. I was pretty sure it was the only way I was getting a dance with the birthday girl. She just laughed while Ranger sent me a pissy glare.
Just as we were getting onto the floor, the music shifted to a hip hop song with a Latin beat. It was something I could dance to no problem but I was shocked when Steph started moving seductively along to the rhythm.
"Where'd you learn to move like that, Beautiful?" I couldn't help asking.
"A dance class I took for phy ed credit in college. I liked it, so I kept it up and danced quite a bit through my twenties."
Next thing I knew, we were moving through a sensual club version of a bachata until I was physically pulled away by a growling Ranger.
"Keep moving like that and you're going to end up on the mats."
I couldn't resist shooting him a cocky grin and letting loose a smart ass comment. "We both know it's only a matter of time until I'm back there."
Steph rolled her eyes at me and managed to save my ass by wrapping herself around Ranger and distracting him with more of her sexy moves.
October 31st (10:45 am)
"You asshole!"
I let a lazy smile spread across my face. It hadn't been ten minutes since I"d laid my little trap and I already had my first - and probably most reactive - victim.
"It's called Trick or Treat, Beautiful."
"This is just cruel," she said, holding up one of the baby carrots I'd painstakingly wrapped in Tootsie Roll wrappers.
"But better for your health."
"Mats. If I manage to take you down you owe me a whole bag of candy." .
Shit, I thought as I watched her stalk away. I knew Ranger had convinced her to start working with Hector mid-summer. And he'd have been teaching her to fight dirty. Better go put on a cup.
oOo
A/N: I'm going to mark this complete, but may add short scenes in the future if inspiration strikes.