Fangirl Heaven: Harry Potter's Vacation
Once upon a time, there was a HOT guy named Harry Potter and he was, yup, you guessed it. HOT! So one day, very-hot Potter and his very-ugly friend Ron and his very-ugly friend's crush Hermione went to Cancun, Mexico, MTV party central. All of the kids from Hogwarts were there to celebrate some random occasion (kids at Hogwarts do that kinda thing, ya know?) Oh whaddya know. there's Potter now, hanging out with... uh. who's that? OH MY GOD, IT'S CARSON DALY!
Narrator: * shakes Carson Daly's hand and faints *
Harry and Carson: ( THE SEXINESS WORKS AGAIN! * walk off *
Narrator: * stands up again, brushing herself off * Harry, Carson, you two are sssssoooooo sexy! ANYWAYS. so everyone's here at Hogwarts, partying and getting drunk even if they're all underage. Oh wait, is that. * squints * Oh YES IT IS! It's Dumbledork himself, and what are you up to, Headmaster Dumbledore?
Dumbledore: *sitting on shoulders of McGonagall in a shirt and a Speedo drinking a rum and Coke * What does it LOOK like I'm doing?
Narrator: *screams * AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! It's the curse of the Speedos!
Dumbledore: Want me to take my shirt off?
McGonagall: Take it off, take it off, take it. * Dumbledore takes shirt off * um, PUT IT BACK ON, PUT IT BACK ON!
Dumbledore: Come on, Minerva, you KNOW you want this.
McGonagall: Oh look * in desperate attempt to change the subject * Snape's bartending!
Dumbledore: Where???
Narrator: * walks over to Snape making daiquiris with his wand * Hey Snape, ol' pal, how's it goin'? Yo yo yo, I see you're in charge of the party- starters a.k.a. alcohol. Hey, mind if I take a sip of this, uh.. peachtree Schnapps or whatever?
Snape: You're drunk, go home. 16 MILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR HOUSING A DRUNKEN BITCH!
Narrator: I'm not in Gryffindor, I'm in, uh, THE SEXY HOUSE.
Snape: What a loser. but you ARE a little hottie. Come home with me and we could make wonderful potions together * wink wink nudge nudge *
Narrator: Uh. well, there you have it. Snape is a horny little man makin' alcoholic drinks for underage kids. But you didn't hear that from me. Let's walk over to Oliver, who's tanning his abnormally hot body. Oliver, you're so hot. Wanna take me home with you?
Oliver: * pushes sunglasses down to tip of cute nose and winks. * I can't. My mum's at home and she wouldn't like it one bit.
Narrator: * mutters * Momma's boy!
Oliver: What did you say?
Narrator: I said, uh, Hey, there's Malfoy!
Oliver: Mmm, be a doll and rub this silky smooth and highly sexy-smelling tanning lotion on me.
Narrator: I. I.. HELL YEAH! *sits on Oliver rubbing lotion all over him *
Oliver: * pulls narrator -a very lucky girl, mind you- to him and kisses her *
Narrator: HOT DAMN!
Oliver: Okay, one girl down, 3 million 84 to go. I could get the world record for this!
Narrator: * mutters * Okay. damn you for being so cute. ANYWAYS, hey, it really IS Malfoy! And. what's this? One.two. three. FOUR other girls with him. DAMN YOU ALL! * walks over to Draco Malfoy -another hot guy from HP- and.* LET ME ASK YOU WHAT THESE GIRLS ARE DOING HERE???!!!
Draco: Um. well. these lovely ladies were gonna.
Narrator: What, become the next subjects of your trangfiguration project by turning them into PLAYBOY BUNNIES???!!!!
Draco: Actually, yes, and if you don't mind me asking, who the hell are you?
Narrator: I am your worst nightmare, Malfoy. * walks up to him and slaps him. HARD *
Other Girls: * turn to Draco*Draco Draco Draco!
Narrator: * turn to girls *Silicon silicon silicon!
Draco: *turns to girls *Ladies! Ladies! Ladies!
Narrator: * turns to girls *Fake! Fake! Fake!
Draco and Girls: * turn to Narrator* Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
Narrator: *turns to. Hagrid? * Help! Help. help?
Hagrid: D'ya think you'll win this one? They're hotter than ya.
Narrator: Whatever. Here you are, Hagrid with his hairy body defending Draco Hefner and his Playboy Bunnies. Let's go find Hermione. I'm sure she's studying or prac.ti.cin..gggg... HER CHARMS ON OLIVER.. WHAT??
Hermione: Yes, Oliver, I love you, I want your body, I want everything. You're so hot. let me kiss you.
Ron: * pushes girls away in disgust * WHAT? * runs over to Oliver and punches him, starting a fight *
Oliver: Hermione my dear, get this. THING. off me!
Ron: Thing? THING? Oh, well, how about this? * pulls out random blender*
Hermione, Oliver and Narrator: A BLENDER????
Ron: Hey, that trick worked!
Hermione: Whatever, just get off the universal sex symbol.
Harry: *runs toward everyone leaving Carson with a sexy yet bewildering look on his face * Ron, where's Ginny! She stood me up! She said she was gonna meet me at the hotel room for some. fun and now it'll. go. to. waste.what is everyone doing here?
Narrator: * puts hands on hips staring Harry down* Watching Oliver and Ron fight. and wondering what YOU want with Ron's little SISTER! Can someone say incest?
Hermione: Actually, incest is between two siblings.
Narrator: NOW you get all brainy on me.
Hagrid: Hermione, why dont'cha get off the boys and have yourself a smoothie?!
Dumbledore and McGonagall: Party at the MTV Beach House!
Carson: What? I'm supposed to say that! And anyways. BLENDER? *holds hands up * Oh well.
Snape: 2 BILLION BAJILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR BEING STUPID ENOUGH TO FIGHT OVER MISS GRANGER! Oh narrator chick, come over here, maybe that hotel room of Potter's won't go to waste after all!
Narrator: Snape, shut up! Well, will Oliver reach his world record for kissing the most girls? Will Dumbledore ever learn to buy a pair of bathing SHORTS and give up his Speedo-wearing past? Will McGonagall find another headmaster to hit on? Will Hagrid stop drinking those freaking smoothies? Will Carson Daly EVER figure out that whole thing with the blender and et stay so yummy? Will Ron win Hermione back? Will those girls fulfill their dreams of becoming Playboy bunnies? Will Draco become Hugh Hefner Jr.? Will Harry finally get his moment with Ginny or will I have to use that hotel room with rapist Snape? All of this, and more next time on MTV'S . oh who cares what show this is (it's not like I know anyway.)... GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!
Once upon a time, there was a HOT guy named Harry Potter and he was, yup, you guessed it. HOT! So one day, very-hot Potter and his very-ugly friend Ron and his very-ugly friend's crush Hermione went to Cancun, Mexico, MTV party central. All of the kids from Hogwarts were there to celebrate some random occasion (kids at Hogwarts do that kinda thing, ya know?) Oh whaddya know. there's Potter now, hanging out with... uh. who's that? OH MY GOD, IT'S CARSON DALY!
Narrator: * shakes Carson Daly's hand and faints *
Harry and Carson: ( THE SEXINESS WORKS AGAIN! * walk off *
Narrator: * stands up again, brushing herself off * Harry, Carson, you two are sssssoooooo sexy! ANYWAYS. so everyone's here at Hogwarts, partying and getting drunk even if they're all underage. Oh wait, is that. * squints * Oh YES IT IS! It's Dumbledork himself, and what are you up to, Headmaster Dumbledore?
Dumbledore: *sitting on shoulders of McGonagall in a shirt and a Speedo drinking a rum and Coke * What does it LOOK like I'm doing?
Narrator: *screams * AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! It's the curse of the Speedos!
Dumbledore: Want me to take my shirt off?
McGonagall: Take it off, take it off, take it. * Dumbledore takes shirt off * um, PUT IT BACK ON, PUT IT BACK ON!
Dumbledore: Come on, Minerva, you KNOW you want this.
McGonagall: Oh look * in desperate attempt to change the subject * Snape's bartending!
Dumbledore: Where???
Narrator: * walks over to Snape making daiquiris with his wand * Hey Snape, ol' pal, how's it goin'? Yo yo yo, I see you're in charge of the party- starters a.k.a. alcohol. Hey, mind if I take a sip of this, uh.. peachtree Schnapps or whatever?
Snape: You're drunk, go home. 16 MILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR HOUSING A DRUNKEN BITCH!
Narrator: I'm not in Gryffindor, I'm in, uh, THE SEXY HOUSE.
Snape: What a loser. but you ARE a little hottie. Come home with me and we could make wonderful potions together * wink wink nudge nudge *
Narrator: Uh. well, there you have it. Snape is a horny little man makin' alcoholic drinks for underage kids. But you didn't hear that from me. Let's walk over to Oliver, who's tanning his abnormally hot body. Oliver, you're so hot. Wanna take me home with you?
Oliver: * pushes sunglasses down to tip of cute nose and winks. * I can't. My mum's at home and she wouldn't like it one bit.
Narrator: * mutters * Momma's boy!
Oliver: What did you say?
Narrator: I said, uh, Hey, there's Malfoy!
Oliver: Mmm, be a doll and rub this silky smooth and highly sexy-smelling tanning lotion on me.
Narrator: I. I.. HELL YEAH! *sits on Oliver rubbing lotion all over him *
Oliver: * pulls narrator -a very lucky girl, mind you- to him and kisses her *
Narrator: HOT DAMN!
Oliver: Okay, one girl down, 3 million 84 to go. I could get the world record for this!
Narrator: * mutters * Okay. damn you for being so cute. ANYWAYS, hey, it really IS Malfoy! And. what's this? One.two. three. FOUR other girls with him. DAMN YOU ALL! * walks over to Draco Malfoy -another hot guy from HP- and.* LET ME ASK YOU WHAT THESE GIRLS ARE DOING HERE???!!!
Draco: Um. well. these lovely ladies were gonna.
Narrator: What, become the next subjects of your trangfiguration project by turning them into PLAYBOY BUNNIES???!!!!
Draco: Actually, yes, and if you don't mind me asking, who the hell are you?
Narrator: I am your worst nightmare, Malfoy. * walks up to him and slaps him. HARD *
Other Girls: * turn to Draco*Draco Draco Draco!
Narrator: * turn to girls *Silicon silicon silicon!
Draco: *turns to girls *Ladies! Ladies! Ladies!
Narrator: * turns to girls *Fake! Fake! Fake!
Draco and Girls: * turn to Narrator* Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
Narrator: *turns to. Hagrid? * Help! Help. help?
Hagrid: D'ya think you'll win this one? They're hotter than ya.
Narrator: Whatever. Here you are, Hagrid with his hairy body defending Draco Hefner and his Playboy Bunnies. Let's go find Hermione. I'm sure she's studying or prac.ti.cin..gggg... HER CHARMS ON OLIVER.. WHAT??
Hermione: Yes, Oliver, I love you, I want your body, I want everything. You're so hot. let me kiss you.
Ron: * pushes girls away in disgust * WHAT? * runs over to Oliver and punches him, starting a fight *
Oliver: Hermione my dear, get this. THING. off me!
Ron: Thing? THING? Oh, well, how about this? * pulls out random blender*
Hermione, Oliver and Narrator: A BLENDER????
Ron: Hey, that trick worked!
Hermione: Whatever, just get off the universal sex symbol.
Harry: *runs toward everyone leaving Carson with a sexy yet bewildering look on his face * Ron, where's Ginny! She stood me up! She said she was gonna meet me at the hotel room for some. fun and now it'll. go. to. waste.what is everyone doing here?
Narrator: * puts hands on hips staring Harry down* Watching Oliver and Ron fight. and wondering what YOU want with Ron's little SISTER! Can someone say incest?
Hermione: Actually, incest is between two siblings.
Narrator: NOW you get all brainy on me.
Hagrid: Hermione, why dont'cha get off the boys and have yourself a smoothie?!
Dumbledore and McGonagall: Party at the MTV Beach House!
Carson: What? I'm supposed to say that! And anyways. BLENDER? *holds hands up * Oh well.
Snape: 2 BILLION BAJILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR BEING STUPID ENOUGH TO FIGHT OVER MISS GRANGER! Oh narrator chick, come over here, maybe that hotel room of Potter's won't go to waste after all!
Narrator: Snape, shut up! Well, will Oliver reach his world record for kissing the most girls? Will Dumbledore ever learn to buy a pair of bathing SHORTS and give up his Speedo-wearing past? Will McGonagall find another headmaster to hit on? Will Hagrid stop drinking those freaking smoothies? Will Carson Daly EVER figure out that whole thing with the blender and et stay so yummy? Will Ron win Hermione back? Will those girls fulfill their dreams of becoming Playboy bunnies? Will Draco become Hugh Hefner Jr.? Will Harry finally get his moment with Ginny or will I have to use that hotel room with rapist Snape? All of this, and more next time on MTV'S . oh who cares what show this is (it's not like I know anyway.)... GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!