CHAPTER 6
Disclaimer: Do I even have to say that I don't own Zelda?! Is the maker of Zelda a freakish, psychotic 14-year-old girl who eats peanut butter, butter, and sugar sandwiches at most of her meals because she's too busy writing stories for a free online publishing service to make something more complicated (or count calories for that matter)?! GAH!!!!! *runs in circles, hooting like a maniac*
Aaanywhooooo...
I'M BACK!!!!!!!! *grins widely*
...
Hello?? ... *crickets chirp in the background*
...Fine then. No story for you.
Someone sitting in a folding chair, who Ryoko instantly recognizes as Sophitia: NO! We want another chapter! We want another chapter! *chants for about a minute, then realizes nobody else is there...besides Miroku...and shuts up*
Princess Ryoko: Sophitia, I know YOU want another one, but I want more reviews fi--
Goddess Sophitia: *jumps on Ryoko, then motions wildly for Miroku to come over by her* Miroku, help...
Miroku: *blank look as he watches Sophitia and Ryoko's little cat-fight and hands a bag of popcorn to Link, who has just walked over*
Link: I bet ten on Ryoko. *eats popcorn*
Goddess Sophitia: Argh...*rolls eyes, groans, then gags and ties up Ryoko and adds this into Ryoko's 6th chapter, which she then proceeds to post* So THERE! *sticks out tongue*
****
I marched ahead of Link, ignoring him completely. "Erin, what's wrong?!" he asked me for the umpteenth time, now pleading, but I continued to ignore him.
"ERIN!" he yelled.
After waiting about 25 seconds and hearing nothing, he did the one thing that he knew would always make me talk to him: he started singing.
Now, even if I'm the only person in the mortal universe that has ever heard Link sing, I'll tell everyone that it is NOT pleasant. (Actually, it sounds a bit like someone trying to play an out-of-tune violin...) Not able to bear his shrieks of 'Naaaayyyyyruuu llooooooovvvvvessss meeeeee, thisss I knoooowwwww...' any longer, I clamped my hands over my ears and screamed, "SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"
"Oh, so you're talking to me now?"
"What do you want?!"
"I want to know what's the matter with you! Why won't you talk to me?"
I sighed loudly. "Link, you made me go see that spoiled, bratty, pathetic excuse for a princess who goes by the alias of "Zelda" again, THAT's what's wrong!" (A/N: Sorry Zelda fans.) I shouted in disgust. "She doesn't like me, and I know it! She tells me all the time that I better stop trying to SEDUCE you!!!"
"Oh. I thought it was something serious." He grinned and continued walking.
I started to twitch with anger. Having just learned how to use Din's fire, I was tempted to use it on him, but I didn't. "You come back here this instant, Link!!!" I screeched, chasing after him. I finally caught him and thwacked him in the head with a rock that conveniently happened to be just off the dirt path through Hyrule Field. "That oughta teach ya a lesson..." I said, standing up and dusting myself off, then proceeding to march on ahead.
I had walked about 50 feet when I heard a loud groan from behind me. I looked back to see my dimwit of a best friend still lying on the ground, twitching, and drooling, with a large red mark on his face. "Oops." I grinned sheepishly and blushed a light shade of pink (ugh, pink...). "Sorry, Link..." He growled and knocked me over too, just to spite me.
After we had gotten back onto our feet, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him along behind me until we got to a waterfall.
"Oh, great, we're stuck," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Yeah, I kn-..." he started to reply, but then looked at the ground beneath our feet.
" 'Kn'? What does 'kn' mean?"
"Erin, lookit." He pointed to a plaque on the ground and motioned for me to read it.
"...When the King of Hyrule slumbers, so too do these falls. What in the world...oh!" I said, suddenly realizing what we had to do. "We have to..."
"I know. We have to play Zelda's Lullaby, and then we can go THROUGH the waterfall!" he said, grinning, obviously very proud of his little discovery. He commenced to dig through his pack for Saria's ocarina, which was nowhere to be found...unsurprisingly.
"Nope...that's not it...not that either...darn thing, where is it...ouch, no, not that..." He rummaged through his bag, throwing random objects aside. "Aha! Found it!!" He put on the cheesiest of all cheeseball grins and held up the instrument.
"Play the song already and get it over with...I think I just went through my midlife crisis, for Din's sake." I yawned loudly as he followed my orders for once.
As predicted, the waterfall stopped, and we went to go see the Zora King, a squat, fishy little man who looked nothing like a king, save for his red cape and "headpiece" (I still think it's a tiara). He asked us to find his daughter, the Princess, who had somehow gotten herself eaten by a giant fish called 'Lord Jabu-Jabu.' He also told us another lovely little tidbit of information: we had to go see the OTHER Great Fairy.
"Oh, joy..." I muttered under my breath. "C'mon, Link, let's get this over with..."
I turned around to see what in Din's name he could be doing now, and I sort of wish I hadn't: he was poking the King's rather large belly with his index finger. "Are you...a fish?" Link asked the King, still poking his gut.
"How dare you even insinuate such a thing! I am not a fish! I am King of the Zoras! Apologize, puny human!"
Link paused for a moment, put on the "sad puppy eyes", then looked up at the now furious King, and said, "You...smell like a fish."
"I am NOT a fish!"
"You loo-"
I hurriedly covered his mouth before he could finish his phrase. "He's sorry, your Highness," I said hastily, forcing Link to nod his head. I dragged him outside like he was a waterlogged corpse.
"You know, you could've gotten us both in a lot of trouble, Mr. Hero..." I said, rolling my eyes and slapping him in the back of the head.
Link muttered something under his breath.
"What was that, smart-arse?!" I shouted, now rather irritated.
"He did look like a fish..." Link said, still rather quietly.
"Well...yeah, but still...you didn't have to TELL him that! He obviously didn't like it!" I added, trying to suppress a giggle. "O...kay, so it was funny, but...aww, screw it. We need to go find Li'l Miss Fairy-Freak No. 3, happy happy joy joy. C'mon, Mr. Hero," I sighed, pushed him into the water, jumped in, and swam with him over to a little island (if it was big enough to be called an island...). I whipped out a Bomb, threw it at a suspicious- looking rock, obviously causing it to blow up...duhhh. We walked into the dark tunnel that the rock had been covering, where we found Fairy-Freak No. 2, as expected. She was just as scary as the last one...big surprise there.
"Helloooooooo, young ones!!!!" she shrieked. "Let me heal your battle wounds!"
"Oh...my...goddesses. I swear to Din, she needs some serious therapy..." I said, holding on to Link's arm as Fairy-Fruit, Navi's friend no doubt, got rid of our lovely little abuse-marks.
"Uh-huh..." Link nodded in agreement.
"Iiiiiiiiii've got something veeeeeeeery special for you two!!" said the odd woman, throwing at us.
"What is this?" I asked, holding up the greenish object that had been tossed in our direction.
"Thaaaaaat, my deeeears, is Farore's Wind, which can be used as a warp point in dangerous situations!!" she explained, looking slightly more ditzy.
I sighed loudly as she continued rambling in her irritatingly high-pitched squeaks. Once she was finally finished, we hurriedly thanked the Fairy for her help, then left as quickly as possible and made our way over to Lord Jabu-Jabu.
Once we had finally managed to get inside Lord Jabu-Jabu (not a pleasant ordeal, thank you, I thought we were fish food when he swallowed us- ech...), we found the Princess within a couple of minutes of running like the hounds of Hell were after us. Link, genius that he is, immediately stuck out his arm and pointed, screaming, "ERIN! COME LOOK! IT'S ANOTHER FI- "
I covered his mouth once more, then turned to get a look at this princess, hoping to Din that she wasn't all. . . GIRLY. . .like Zelda.
I dropped my hand, and Link and I finished his sentence in unison:
"FISH!!!!!!!!"
The Princess made a pouty face, then took it upon herself to make us her new chums. In a very snooty voice, she said, "I am not a fish! I am Princess Ruto of the Zoras. What are your names, puny non-Zoras?"
"Excuse me?!" I shrieked. "I am NOT puny! Do NOT call me PUNY!!!!!!!!" Now I, for one, am very touchy about my short stature, and I do not appreciate people calling me 'puny.' I started to run toward her to get a good thwack in on her, but Link grabbed my arm, pulled, and thus held me back from thwacking her as I had earlier done to him.
"Erin, cool it," he said, desperately trying to keep my struggling form pinned on the ground. "That HURTS," he added, speaking of the way I liked to hit people.
Ruto then began to fawn all over him. "Oh...didn't know YOU were a...hero..." she said in a high voice, batting her eyelashes and touching his arm lightly.
Link gulped and turned to me for assistance, but I refused, since he was still sitting on me. "Nope. You're on your own this time, Mr. Hero."
****
OK, sorry for the slight cliffhanger, but it's not like the characters are in a bloody life-or-death situation, ne?
Link: Easy for you to say. Ruto doesn't have a crush on YOU, does she??
Ryoko: *ignores Link*And anyway, most of you prolly aren't on the edge of your seats anyway...well, except for Sophitia and Miroku over there...
Sophitia: *glares evilly at Ryoko while leaning on Miroku* Shaddup...
Miroku: Well, she's got a point...
Sophitia: *gets up* But I'm not gonna admit it.
Ehehehehehe............well, that's all, folks! *takes advantage of the fact that Sophitia has turned away for a moment and runs, not realizing that Sophitia is putting Link into poor Ryoko's closet*
Cheers,
~*Princess Ryoko*~
Disclaimer: Do I even have to say that I don't own Zelda?! Is the maker of Zelda a freakish, psychotic 14-year-old girl who eats peanut butter, butter, and sugar sandwiches at most of her meals because she's too busy writing stories for a free online publishing service to make something more complicated (or count calories for that matter)?! GAH!!!!! *runs in circles, hooting like a maniac*
Aaanywhooooo...
I'M BACK!!!!!!!! *grins widely*
...
Hello?? ... *crickets chirp in the background*
...Fine then. No story for you.
Someone sitting in a folding chair, who Ryoko instantly recognizes as Sophitia: NO! We want another chapter! We want another chapter! *chants for about a minute, then realizes nobody else is there...besides Miroku...and shuts up*
Princess Ryoko: Sophitia, I know YOU want another one, but I want more reviews fi--
Goddess Sophitia: *jumps on Ryoko, then motions wildly for Miroku to come over by her* Miroku, help...
Miroku: *blank look as he watches Sophitia and Ryoko's little cat-fight and hands a bag of popcorn to Link, who has just walked over*
Link: I bet ten on Ryoko. *eats popcorn*
Goddess Sophitia: Argh...*rolls eyes, groans, then gags and ties up Ryoko and adds this into Ryoko's 6th chapter, which she then proceeds to post* So THERE! *sticks out tongue*
****
I marched ahead of Link, ignoring him completely. "Erin, what's wrong?!" he asked me for the umpteenth time, now pleading, but I continued to ignore him.
"ERIN!" he yelled.
After waiting about 25 seconds and hearing nothing, he did the one thing that he knew would always make me talk to him: he started singing.
Now, even if I'm the only person in the mortal universe that has ever heard Link sing, I'll tell everyone that it is NOT pleasant. (Actually, it sounds a bit like someone trying to play an out-of-tune violin...) Not able to bear his shrieks of 'Naaaayyyyyruuu llooooooovvvvvessss meeeeee, thisss I knoooowwwww...' any longer, I clamped my hands over my ears and screamed, "SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"
"Oh, so you're talking to me now?"
"What do you want?!"
"I want to know what's the matter with you! Why won't you talk to me?"
I sighed loudly. "Link, you made me go see that spoiled, bratty, pathetic excuse for a princess who goes by the alias of "Zelda" again, THAT's what's wrong!" (A/N: Sorry Zelda fans.) I shouted in disgust. "She doesn't like me, and I know it! She tells me all the time that I better stop trying to SEDUCE you!!!"
"Oh. I thought it was something serious." He grinned and continued walking.
I started to twitch with anger. Having just learned how to use Din's fire, I was tempted to use it on him, but I didn't. "You come back here this instant, Link!!!" I screeched, chasing after him. I finally caught him and thwacked him in the head with a rock that conveniently happened to be just off the dirt path through Hyrule Field. "That oughta teach ya a lesson..." I said, standing up and dusting myself off, then proceeding to march on ahead.
I had walked about 50 feet when I heard a loud groan from behind me. I looked back to see my dimwit of a best friend still lying on the ground, twitching, and drooling, with a large red mark on his face. "Oops." I grinned sheepishly and blushed a light shade of pink (ugh, pink...). "Sorry, Link..." He growled and knocked me over too, just to spite me.
After we had gotten back onto our feet, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him along behind me until we got to a waterfall.
"Oh, great, we're stuck," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Yeah, I kn-..." he started to reply, but then looked at the ground beneath our feet.
" 'Kn'? What does 'kn' mean?"
"Erin, lookit." He pointed to a plaque on the ground and motioned for me to read it.
"...When the King of Hyrule slumbers, so too do these falls. What in the world...oh!" I said, suddenly realizing what we had to do. "We have to..."
"I know. We have to play Zelda's Lullaby, and then we can go THROUGH the waterfall!" he said, grinning, obviously very proud of his little discovery. He commenced to dig through his pack for Saria's ocarina, which was nowhere to be found...unsurprisingly.
"Nope...that's not it...not that either...darn thing, where is it...ouch, no, not that..." He rummaged through his bag, throwing random objects aside. "Aha! Found it!!" He put on the cheesiest of all cheeseball grins and held up the instrument.
"Play the song already and get it over with...I think I just went through my midlife crisis, for Din's sake." I yawned loudly as he followed my orders for once.
As predicted, the waterfall stopped, and we went to go see the Zora King, a squat, fishy little man who looked nothing like a king, save for his red cape and "headpiece" (I still think it's a tiara). He asked us to find his daughter, the Princess, who had somehow gotten herself eaten by a giant fish called 'Lord Jabu-Jabu.' He also told us another lovely little tidbit of information: we had to go see the OTHER Great Fairy.
"Oh, joy..." I muttered under my breath. "C'mon, Link, let's get this over with..."
I turned around to see what in Din's name he could be doing now, and I sort of wish I hadn't: he was poking the King's rather large belly with his index finger. "Are you...a fish?" Link asked the King, still poking his gut.
"How dare you even insinuate such a thing! I am not a fish! I am King of the Zoras! Apologize, puny human!"
Link paused for a moment, put on the "sad puppy eyes", then looked up at the now furious King, and said, "You...smell like a fish."
"I am NOT a fish!"
"You loo-"
I hurriedly covered his mouth before he could finish his phrase. "He's sorry, your Highness," I said hastily, forcing Link to nod his head. I dragged him outside like he was a waterlogged corpse.
"You know, you could've gotten us both in a lot of trouble, Mr. Hero..." I said, rolling my eyes and slapping him in the back of the head.
Link muttered something under his breath.
"What was that, smart-arse?!" I shouted, now rather irritated.
"He did look like a fish..." Link said, still rather quietly.
"Well...yeah, but still...you didn't have to TELL him that! He obviously didn't like it!" I added, trying to suppress a giggle. "O...kay, so it was funny, but...aww, screw it. We need to go find Li'l Miss Fairy-Freak No. 3, happy happy joy joy. C'mon, Mr. Hero," I sighed, pushed him into the water, jumped in, and swam with him over to a little island (if it was big enough to be called an island...). I whipped out a Bomb, threw it at a suspicious- looking rock, obviously causing it to blow up...duhhh. We walked into the dark tunnel that the rock had been covering, where we found Fairy-Freak No. 2, as expected. She was just as scary as the last one...big surprise there.
"Helloooooooo, young ones!!!!" she shrieked. "Let me heal your battle wounds!"
"Oh...my...goddesses. I swear to Din, she needs some serious therapy..." I said, holding on to Link's arm as Fairy-Fruit, Navi's friend no doubt, got rid of our lovely little abuse-marks.
"Uh-huh..." Link nodded in agreement.
"Iiiiiiiiii've got something veeeeeeeery special for you two!!" said the odd woman, throwing at us.
"What is this?" I asked, holding up the greenish object that had been tossed in our direction.
"Thaaaaaat, my deeeears, is Farore's Wind, which can be used as a warp point in dangerous situations!!" she explained, looking slightly more ditzy.
I sighed loudly as she continued rambling in her irritatingly high-pitched squeaks. Once she was finally finished, we hurriedly thanked the Fairy for her help, then left as quickly as possible and made our way over to Lord Jabu-Jabu.
Once we had finally managed to get inside Lord Jabu-Jabu (not a pleasant ordeal, thank you, I thought we were fish food when he swallowed us- ech...), we found the Princess within a couple of minutes of running like the hounds of Hell were after us. Link, genius that he is, immediately stuck out his arm and pointed, screaming, "ERIN! COME LOOK! IT'S ANOTHER FI- "
I covered his mouth once more, then turned to get a look at this princess, hoping to Din that she wasn't all. . . GIRLY. . .like Zelda.
I dropped my hand, and Link and I finished his sentence in unison:
"FISH!!!!!!!!"
The Princess made a pouty face, then took it upon herself to make us her new chums. In a very snooty voice, she said, "I am not a fish! I am Princess Ruto of the Zoras. What are your names, puny non-Zoras?"
"Excuse me?!" I shrieked. "I am NOT puny! Do NOT call me PUNY!!!!!!!!" Now I, for one, am very touchy about my short stature, and I do not appreciate people calling me 'puny.' I started to run toward her to get a good thwack in on her, but Link grabbed my arm, pulled, and thus held me back from thwacking her as I had earlier done to him.
"Erin, cool it," he said, desperately trying to keep my struggling form pinned on the ground. "That HURTS," he added, speaking of the way I liked to hit people.
Ruto then began to fawn all over him. "Oh...didn't know YOU were a...hero..." she said in a high voice, batting her eyelashes and touching his arm lightly.
Link gulped and turned to me for assistance, but I refused, since he was still sitting on me. "Nope. You're on your own this time, Mr. Hero."
****
OK, sorry for the slight cliffhanger, but it's not like the characters are in a bloody life-or-death situation, ne?
Link: Easy for you to say. Ruto doesn't have a crush on YOU, does she??
Ryoko: *ignores Link*And anyway, most of you prolly aren't on the edge of your seats anyway...well, except for Sophitia and Miroku over there...
Sophitia: *glares evilly at Ryoko while leaning on Miroku* Shaddup...
Miroku: Well, she's got a point...
Sophitia: *gets up* But I'm not gonna admit it.
Ehehehehehe............well, that's all, folks! *takes advantage of the fact that Sophitia has turned away for a moment and runs, not realizing that Sophitia is putting Link into poor Ryoko's closet*
Cheers,
~*Princess Ryoko*~