Chapter 9 (WOW!!!)
Disclaimer: Is the sky purple? Nope. Can you polka the salsa? No..... Am I a good writer? Of course not. So do I own Harry Potter? NO!!! So stop asking, damn it! JK Rowling owns it. (It's in my nature to put myself down. Don't be angry that I'm doing it. It's instinct).
Rating: R
Author's Note: Yippeeeeee!!!! Harry's figured it out, Harry's figured it out, Harry figured it out!!!! Aren't you all ecstatic?! They're sure to get together in this chapter. Well, of course. I was going to have someone get in the way, but I figured you'd kill me.
Lots of slashy kisses in this chapter. What? Oh, between who? Um..... Snape and Harry. Yes, I decided they should be together. No, really. I'm putting them together. I was thinking it would add an interesting twist.
Um.... I think you'd all seriously kill me if I did that. So, duh!!! Of course it's between Harry and Draco. You'd probably stop reading this fic if I didn't put some slash in this chapter. I had to do a lot of thinking the past couple days. So this chapter may not be perfect, but I did try. Hope you like it. 8-)
And another thing..... thank you for bringing my review count to a hundred and forty two. It truly is spectacular. I'm beyond happy to have so many reviews. I hope you know how amazing you all are. Thank you SO much. The response part of this is very long. 8-)
Especially: Emi (You're not evil, everyone who reads this story hates Ginny and wants them to break up. Hell, I do. They're over now, though, thank God. Glad I wrote Ginny cool about it, I was kinda going for that. Percy.... not cool? I think he's cool. Slashy goodness in this chap? Well that depends. How much do you want it? Heh. Yes, there will be. *Blushes madly* Thanks. That means a lot), a (You updated!!!!! YES!! Of course. I like Ginny too. Just not when she gets in the way of D/H. I didn't want to make her bitchy about it. She can be cool sometimes. I got to work!), Icicle (Yup, they're finally together! Or they will be anyway. Well, anyway! Here's the chapter), Kay (Hee hee. She'll be very supportive later on. Not making any promises. Here's the update, and thanks), twinkiegirl (I don't know. I can't pronounce it. I always either say adredrenaline, or adrenanaline. Just the way it is, I guess. Here's more), arasoth69, menecarkawan, Ryan-sama (Well, thank you very much. I'm glad to hear it. 8-) I'm glad you liked it. Yes, cliffhangers do I have a certain amount of coolness in them. The Simpsons rock!), Copacabana (Whoa, I'm not saying all Christians are against homosexuals. Quite the opposite actually. But there are some who are against it and that's why I made Zabini like that. I'm aware I am biased. I happen to have very strong opinions, but I'm not the kind of person who won't let other people have theirs, and I won't preach to them unless they're doing it to me, or unless I'm ranting. So yeah. Well, Ginny may die later, but we'll have to see. Next chapter here!), firechild3 (Are you the author of the story with mutilating!Harry. I can't think of the title at the moment, but are you? Because if you are, that's cool. Please let me know. Glad it's your favourite chapter. Mine too, but you know that already. And don't worry, he will. Here's the update!), Lumos and Nox, Belle (Glad I improved your mood. Homer's great!), Cherican-osiris, LadyDeath, Cyber (Well, I'm totally honoured to hear that. I don't think I'm that great. Now you can find out what happens! You rock!), Diosa (Ooh! A nice long review! I'm glad! Morality is important, I think. Well I send my love to your friend in hopes that he'll figure out what to do. 8-) Brilliantly put! I agree completely. God doesn't make mistakes, everything does happen for a reason. Thank you for brightening my day. I am so glad you like it. I'm even more glad you reviewed. It's been amazing to hear from you. The Royal Tenebaums. Strange? No doubt. But it was damn good. Gene Hackman is brillaint. Really he is. So is Ben Stiller. Two of my favourite actors), Jubilee (Long review!!! Yay! Feelings for Draco? You bet. Pose a problem? Highly doubt it. You did mention that, but I agree. 8-) Colin is very cool. I love him. Well, here's this update! You're cool!), Katie of Gryffindor (Thank you, so glad you liked it. Here's more!!!!), Life is but a Dream2000, Klea (Glad you liked it), Hitomi Fanel (Like Escaflowne? Heh heh. I do. What a cool show. No more, though, which sucks. A smidgen of D/H? How about a LOT! I put it up by the weekend. Yay!)
Wow. Very, very long. Thank you everyone. Thanks to Kiara, seeing as I only just found out she added my other story 'Perfect' to her favourites list. *Cough-check-that-out!-Cough* No shamless plugs. I was coughing! 8-)
I sighed and stared out at the lake. I turned my head to find Harry standing right behind me. Although I'd been dating Colin for the past few weeks.... Harry still gave me that familiar feeling. And even though Colin and I had started out petending to date.... we were now *actually* dating.
In the past four weeks that we'd been really dating, we'd become rather fond of each other. Since I figured Harry was going to be marrying Ginny, I thought I might as well try some dating. Now that I saw Harry again, I wasn't so sure.
"Hi," Harry said, "I thought you might be here." I hastily got to my feet.
"Did you want something?" I asked.
"Oh, yes," he replied, "I was just wondering.... what was it that made you want to be our friends."
"Well... I thought I'd enjoy Ron and Hermione's friendship..." I said.
"Oh. Only Ron and Hermione?"
"No offense Harry, but I don't really like Ginny that much. As a matter of fact, I sort of hate her. But if you two are together, I guess I have to respect that."
"Draco, we called off the wedding," he said.
"I'm sorry to hear that," I replied, not really registering what he'd said.
"You are?" he asked, sort of surprised. And it hit me.
"You did???" I demanded, shocked out of my wits.
"Well - you can't - marry someone," he said, "When you're in love with someone else." He looked *straight* into my eyes.
"I - what?" I said, feeling my knees go weak.
"Yeah," Harry said, "I've been thinking a lot about that kiss in the classroom months ago.... and I think I'm in love with you."
Fucking hell!!! This was the moment I'd been hoping for all year. Now that it was here.... I couldn't even properly enjoy it. I could not go out with him, seeing as I was now dating Colin. I opened my mouth to speak.
And felt Harry's connect with it. It was heavenly. His mouth tasted of toothpaste, kethcup and strawberries. Weird mix, but I loved it. I immediately grabbed him by the arms and pushed him roughly against a nearby tree. I kissed him hungrily, devouring him, enjoying the fact that he seemed to be surrendering himself to me.
And it was NOTHING like kissing Colin. Colin was an amazing kisser, he truly was, but Harry was earth-shattering. Maybe I'm a bit biased because I love him, but really...... he was brilliant.
His right hand was on the side of my head, and his other one was making its way slowly downward. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and stoked the roof of his mouth and his teeth, checking for any familiarity. He suddenly gasped.
"Draco," my name came forth from his mouth. I pressed my erection against his leg, but it didn't help to stifle it. The feel of his hands roaming over my body was quite spectacular. And his mouth just exploring every inch of mine was, to put it simply, perfect. And I wanted to stand there all day, kissing him gently, roughly, smoothly, violently. I wanted to try everything with him.
But I couldn't. There was one problem. Colin happened to be my boyfriend. And I knew this wasn't fair to either Harry or Colin. So I gently pushed Harry away, knowing I'd regret it in the near future.
Harry looked quite shocked.
"Was that supposed to be absolutely amazing?" Harry asked. Oh.... I fell in love with him all over again.
"I don't know.... you're the boss of you.... Harry, as much as I truly enjoyed that, I happen to have a boyfriend."
"Well yeah, there's *Colin*," he said, like that didn't matter, "But I mean... he'll understand, I'm sure."
"Understand what?"
"That we're together now," he replied.
"But we're not."
"Yes we are - aren't we?"
"Harry, Colin's my boyfriend. I don't care how much I love you, I'm not going to hurt him."
"Where have I heard that before?" Harry said, smiling sweetly. I almost kissed him again.
"Stop being so darn cute!" I scolded, and Harry looked so adorably innocent... I couldn't help but press my lips to his again, "No! I can't do this. It's betrayal of the worst kind."
"But...." Harry said, his hands somehow finding the zipper of my jeans.
"Shit, Harry! You - you can't just come up to me, looking all sexy, and expect me to shag you."
"Why not?" he asked, cuiously.
"Well, Jesus! Maybe because you just broke up with your fiance. And it was not me. I may be in love with you, but Colin's my boyfriend, and I should at least explain it to him before I jump into bed with you."
"Okay.... I respect that," Harry said.
"Thank you....." I said, "I'm going to go find Colin. We'll have to work something out. This is what I've been begging God, if there is one, for since last summer."
"I'm glad it worked out for you," Harry said, "But go find Colin, before I kiss you again." I smirked.
"I knew you found me irresitible," I said.
"I find *you* irresistible.... the way it sounds, it's the other way around." He looked beautiful trying to be all sarcastic and failing miserably. I wanted to kiss him, but instead, I got this overwhelming urge to lick his face.
So I gently pulled his face toward me, and Harry opened his mouth for a kiss. I turned his head to the side and licked his face from chin to forehead, right over the lightning bolt-shaped scar. When I pulled away, Harry was shaking uncontrollably.
"I have a feeling I'm supposed to think that's incredibly weird....." he said, and I felt stupid, "But all I can really think is that it was incredibly sexy." Then he launched himself at me, kissing me fiercely. It was one of those hungry ones, where I guess Harry wanted to taste me. Because his tongue was probing every inch of it. Usually that's seriously annoying, but with Harry, it was amazing.
Suddenly bursting with lust, I put my hand over his growing erection but the material of his trousers set a momentary block between my hand and his member. (A/N: I need another word for penus. Help me). I'd have to make do. I started stroking it, and Harry shot away from me.
"What's wrong?" I asked, longing to feel his mouth on mine again.
"Nothing...." Harry said, "That was just very unexpected.... you're really gentle. When I was coming down here to talk to you, I was afraid you might be really violent with me. Just because of the way you used to act, I guess."
"Well I can be violent, but only if you want me to...." I drawled, and grinned, because it was a joke. Harry smiled.
"I don't know why I was with Ginny, when I've been wanting to kiss *you* all these months. Looking at you right now, I feel like I could take you and.... well, have my way with you, as lame as that sounds. All the times I've looked at you and wanted to kill you for not having at least tried to show me you love me."
"Hey!" I said, "That day in the classroom was the worst day of my life because you turned me down. Don't you tell me I never tried. I damn near committed suicide that day. And it was because of *Colin* that I didn't."
"I know. And I'm sorry.... Maybe I should have just broken up with Ginny.... but I was so confused. Afterward, I couldn't get you off of my mind. Then you told everyone you were gay, and for some reason I found that incredibly attractive. I was drawn to you. Then the dreams started."
"Dreams?" I said, voice higher than normal.
"Yes. The wildly exciting, intimate, passionate and beautiful dreams. You were always in them. Sometimes you'd be completely gentle, others you'd be horribly violent. But no matter what, I always woke up feeling as though I'd wished they weren't just dreams."
"Well.... I started to realize I didn't get dreams like that about Ginny. I thought maybe it was because I actually got to make love to Ginny and perhaps there was no reason to have wet dreams about her. I was already doing everything I wanted to, kind of thing. But then I realized that kissing Ginny didn't give me that wonderful feeling. And I remembered that kiss in the classroom. How amazing that kiss was." My breath caught in my throat.
"I - have to go talk to Colin." I stumbled away from him and ran at breakneck speed back up to castle. This was simply too much to take in. So I ran. I slowed down as I walked into the entrance hall and along the corridor. Suddenly, someone grabbed me by the hand from behind and pulled me into a ferocious kiss that made my knees buckle. I hungrily kissed back. I slowly pulled away, feeling absolutely on fire.
"Harry," I whispered. There was silence, as I breathed deeply, unable to see in the dark dorridor.
"I'm NOT Harry," came Colin's rather irritated voice. I clapped a hand to my mouth in shock and backed away.
"Colin!" I said in surprise, not feeling on fire any more, "I'm sorry! I thought you were Harry!"
"Obviously," he said flatly. Then he stepped out of the shadows. He looked angry, but mostly he looked hurt, "Look I know you like Harry, but I thought you could at least tell the difference between the two of us. You know, like at least I don't lie to the people I love."
"Colin," I said and I knew there were tears on my cheeks. I knew what was going to become of this conversation, "I know. I'm really sorry."
"You know, I was just coming to tell you that I think I love you.... but if you imagine me to be Harry when you're kissing me -"
"No, no!" I said desperately, "I don't imagine you as Harry. I was just with Harry, and he and Ginny broke up and -"
"And you were coming to break it off with me, now that Harry's single."
I hated to admit it, even to myself, but that was exactly what I had been about to do. Now I wasn't so sure. Actually, yesterday, I'd really thought about it. And I'd come to the conclusion that perhaps I loved Colin, too. Not nearly as much as I loved Harry, but enough to be with him. After all, who was there with me when Harry had said he didn't love me? Who'd been there to comfort me? Who had been my best friend for months? Who had kissed me in the Great Hall in front of Harry just to make him jealous?
Colin.
I realised as I looked at Colin, that he loved me too. That was the last thing I wanted. Hadn't Pansy said she was in love with me? And Harry, just now? And now Colin as well? How could three people be in love with one person? And why would they be in love with such an idiotic person, who continually hurt people?
Me. I had hurt Pansy many, many times. Looking at colin, I knew that I loved Harry more. I knew I wanted to be with Harry. I knew I'd break Colin's heart (and it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do). It would be ALL my fault.
I looked at Colin and tears streamed down my face. Real, true tears. I thought about it, and realized this was the first time I'd ever cried proper tears (excluding that tim ein the bathroom). I cried a lot, but not like this. Colin reached up and wiped them off my face as they came down. Each time one did, he wiped it away. It was quite intimate and I wanted nothing more than to kiss Colin and have it over with, but I couldn't.
"Yes, Colin, I'm breaking up with you." Then the tears started for him. It was the worst moment of my life. Worse than finding out Harry was marrying Ginny, worse than thinking Harry didn't love me, worse than finding out Pansy loved me and I couldn't do a thing about it, worse than any moment of my life.
Watching Colin crying was torture. It truly was. So I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tightly. He started sobbing, so I did what he'd done ages ago. I pushed him to arms length.
"It's my loss. It's my loss, and I am so sorry for putting you through this pain," I said through my tears, and began kissing him on *his* face. Everywhere but his lips. Colin cried harder, and we just stood there for what felt like hours. Crying and hugging and apologizing to each other. It was the worst and yet it was the best moment of my life. Suddenly I saw things in perspective.
You can never be completely happy. You can never have things both ways. In life you get many choices, and the choices you make effect you drastically. Although we don't think about it when we make them, our choices could mean the difference between life and death, good and evil, right and wrong, love and hate. Even those small decisions like what colour shirt you're going to wear could change your life completely. Maybe you'll meet a terrific person who likes you because you wore red. But if you had worn green, then maybe they wouldn't have noticed you.
And I saw that I had make the right choice. For even if I loved Colin, I loved Harry more. I couldn't give up a chance of being with the person I've loved for almost a whole year. I truly couldn't. I knew that although Colin was upset, he probably agreed. He knew that I was doing the right thing as well. Hopefully he also knew that he would find someone who loved him. Someone who loved him enough to be with him until he died.
God, I hope he knew.
*
"Hey Honey," Harry said, sitting in my lap at the Gryffindor table. Hermione smirked.
"Get a room," she said. But she was smiling. She was just as chipper as me about all of this. Harry and I had been dating for exactly one week. Ginny, Colin and Pansy were actually happy to see us together, as was most of the school. We really didn't hide our relationship from anyone.
Harry was about to kiss me when I shook my head and grunted a little. Colin was right in front of me. One thing I didn't like doing was being physical in front of people. In private we could be physical all we wanted. I pushed him off my lap, and continued eating my lunch.
"I was trying to do an essay for Potions, and when I finally fnished it, I realized I'd actually done one for Transfiguration," Harry said, piling shephed's pie on to his plate. I burst out laughing, choked on some salmon, and spat it into a napkin.
"That's hilarious," I said, practically crying with mirth.
"Quiet you," Harry said, "You're the one I was thinking about when I got so disoriented."
"Blame my parents for my charming smile," I said, and just as I spoke, a bird flew over and dropped a roll of parchment on to my plate, "Ah, shit. I was hoping this wouldn't come."
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"Well," I replied, opening it up to find two letters, "A letter from my father, and a letter from my mother." I opened up the one from my mother, knowing it would be a little more pleasant than my father's.
"Why are they writing to you when they've barely done so all year?" Harry asked.
"Well, in this morning's Daily Prophet, there was an article about the two of us being together. My father reads the paper during breakfast. So that would have given him about two and a half hours to write me a detailed letter about how wrong homosexuality is, get my mother to write one, and then send it here. Mordecai - that's the bird's name - is extremely fast."
"Well, you better read them," Hermione said.
"Shhh..." I muttered, as I started to read. This is what it said:
Draco,
Your father told me all about your fooling around with other boys. I highly disapprove of it, and so does your father. He's sending you a letter as well. I hope you understand the shame you've put on this family, and I'm sure your father will have a few things to say about it.
-Your Mother
"The stupid bitch can't even sign her own name," I said, feeling the anger boil up inside me, "She just repeats herself because she has the IQ of a fucking fish, and can't think of anything to say besides 'your father'. Bet you a million galleons the bloody woman had to get out our old thesauras to find half these words."
There was silence as everyone took in how much I disliked my parents. Hermione looked sympathetic, Ron looked amused, Harry looked shocked and Colin was trying not to listen and failing.
"What'd your father say?" Ron asked through a mouthful of something.
"Well, this should be fun, let's see...." I muttered, glancing at the letter. I read it in my head, just to be sure there was nothing in it that would be quite obscene. There was. This one read:
You,
I no longer consider you my son. There is not a chance in the world I'm going to introduce you to people as my son after this fag nonsense. I thought you were smarter than this. The hate I feel for you right now is incredible, so do not be surprised if I come down there and beat you. If I was there at the moment, you'd be yelling for everyone to hear that you are indeed perfectly normal. The only upside to this, is that when I see you on the battlefield, I'll be able to kill you and feel absolutely alive doing it. Thank Blaise Zabini for me. I hope it hurt a lot. I hate you.
Lucius Malfoy.
Everyone waited for my reaction. I just sat there, staring blankly at the letter.
"Draco, honey, are you all right?" Harry asked. In response, a huge sob escaped my throat, and I dropped the letter lightly on to my plate with the one from my mother. I banged the table with my fist very hard and made several people jump and turn to face me. I closed my eyes as the tears fell freely.
Harry immediately put his arm around me and massaged my back with his hand. I started crying more and Hermione took my hand in hers, although she was sitting across from me, and squeezed it gently. I felt so stupid crying, but I couldn't help it. No kid ever wants his or her father to hate them. I had to get away.
"Excuse me," I managed to squeak out as I picked up the two letters and ran as fast as I could out of the Great Hall. Away from prying eyes. I dashed up to the Slytherin common room, into my room and instead of throwing myself on the bed in tears, I sat down at my desk and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. I breathed deeply a few times, to sort out my thoughts, then I pressed my quill to the parchment and wrote:
Lucius Malfoy,
I never considered you my father. I don't want to be introduced as your son to anyone by you. Guess I'm dumb, then. The hate I've always felt for you is incredible, do not be surprised if I don't care. If I was with you at the moment, I'd commit suicide so I wouldn't have to see your face. And when you see me on the battle field, I hope you're good and ready. I'll be sure to give Zabini the message, and as a matter of fact, it did hurt a lot. A lot more than this letter did. I hate you, too.
Me.
I got up, and went to the owlery to get the letter delivered to my father. And when the owl took off, I imagined my father would read my letter, and then he'd get up and start practicing his duelling. He'd probably know what mess he was be getting into. He *would* want to be good and ready. I couldn't wait to see him again.
Ooh. Pissed Draco. Don't you love it!? Well, what did you think? I thought it was weak and *really* short. But I felt that if I looked at the chapter for another day, I would have been driven to insanity. I decided you wouldn't want that, as I have to finish this story.
But the problem with this story is, I'm not sure how to finish it. For the past few weeks, at least, I've been wondering how I was going to end this fic. Now I've come to a fork in the road. And I need, not just want, NEED your opinions. There are two options.
Either the next chapter will be the last one of this story, and then I will start a sequel where we'll actually see some Voldemort, Lucius, older Draco and Harry, Ron and Hermione, the other Weasleys, lots of food, and maybe that baby Draco was talking about in Chapter 3 will make an appearance.
Or I'll just continue with this story and try and stick all those things into this one. Which will mean, there will be lots of delay in updating, but you'll probably get longer chapter. I'll have to work slightly harder for this option, but it will hopefully be worthwhile.
I know what I want to do, but it's not enough. Help, guys (and girls)! I'm stuck. Please give me a hand. I'll love you for ever! Please let me know what you think. I'm suffering here. Please!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
And before I go, understand that whatever option gets chosen (is that a word?) the next update may not be up for awhile. I've got some of the next chapter written, but there's loads more to go. So please, give me your advice. I truly value your opinions. 8-) Gotta go walk my dog. Ciao!
Tine
Disclaimer: Is the sky purple? Nope. Can you polka the salsa? No..... Am I a good writer? Of course not. So do I own Harry Potter? NO!!! So stop asking, damn it! JK Rowling owns it. (It's in my nature to put myself down. Don't be angry that I'm doing it. It's instinct).
Rating: R
Author's Note: Yippeeeeee!!!! Harry's figured it out, Harry's figured it out, Harry figured it out!!!! Aren't you all ecstatic?! They're sure to get together in this chapter. Well, of course. I was going to have someone get in the way, but I figured you'd kill me.
Lots of slashy kisses in this chapter. What? Oh, between who? Um..... Snape and Harry. Yes, I decided they should be together. No, really. I'm putting them together. I was thinking it would add an interesting twist.
Um.... I think you'd all seriously kill me if I did that. So, duh!!! Of course it's between Harry and Draco. You'd probably stop reading this fic if I didn't put some slash in this chapter. I had to do a lot of thinking the past couple days. So this chapter may not be perfect, but I did try. Hope you like it. 8-)
And another thing..... thank you for bringing my review count to a hundred and forty two. It truly is spectacular. I'm beyond happy to have so many reviews. I hope you know how amazing you all are. Thank you SO much. The response part of this is very long. 8-)
Especially: Emi (You're not evil, everyone who reads this story hates Ginny and wants them to break up. Hell, I do. They're over now, though, thank God. Glad I wrote Ginny cool about it, I was kinda going for that. Percy.... not cool? I think he's cool. Slashy goodness in this chap? Well that depends. How much do you want it? Heh. Yes, there will be. *Blushes madly* Thanks. That means a lot), a (You updated!!!!! YES!! Of course. I like Ginny too. Just not when she gets in the way of D/H. I didn't want to make her bitchy about it. She can be cool sometimes. I got to work!), Icicle (Yup, they're finally together! Or they will be anyway. Well, anyway! Here's the chapter), Kay (Hee hee. She'll be very supportive later on. Not making any promises. Here's the update, and thanks), twinkiegirl (I don't know. I can't pronounce it. I always either say adredrenaline, or adrenanaline. Just the way it is, I guess. Here's more), arasoth69, menecarkawan, Ryan-sama (Well, thank you very much. I'm glad to hear it. 8-) I'm glad you liked it. Yes, cliffhangers do I have a certain amount of coolness in them. The Simpsons rock!), Copacabana (Whoa, I'm not saying all Christians are against homosexuals. Quite the opposite actually. But there are some who are against it and that's why I made Zabini like that. I'm aware I am biased. I happen to have very strong opinions, but I'm not the kind of person who won't let other people have theirs, and I won't preach to them unless they're doing it to me, or unless I'm ranting. So yeah. Well, Ginny may die later, but we'll have to see. Next chapter here!), firechild3 (Are you the author of the story with mutilating!Harry. I can't think of the title at the moment, but are you? Because if you are, that's cool. Please let me know. Glad it's your favourite chapter. Mine too, but you know that already. And don't worry, he will. Here's the update!), Lumos and Nox, Belle (Glad I improved your mood. Homer's great!), Cherican-osiris, LadyDeath, Cyber (Well, I'm totally honoured to hear that. I don't think I'm that great. Now you can find out what happens! You rock!), Diosa (Ooh! A nice long review! I'm glad! Morality is important, I think. Well I send my love to your friend in hopes that he'll figure out what to do. 8-) Brilliantly put! I agree completely. God doesn't make mistakes, everything does happen for a reason. Thank you for brightening my day. I am so glad you like it. I'm even more glad you reviewed. It's been amazing to hear from you. The Royal Tenebaums. Strange? No doubt. But it was damn good. Gene Hackman is brillaint. Really he is. So is Ben Stiller. Two of my favourite actors), Jubilee (Long review!!! Yay! Feelings for Draco? You bet. Pose a problem? Highly doubt it. You did mention that, but I agree. 8-) Colin is very cool. I love him. Well, here's this update! You're cool!), Katie of Gryffindor (Thank you, so glad you liked it. Here's more!!!!), Life is but a Dream2000, Klea (Glad you liked it), Hitomi Fanel (Like Escaflowne? Heh heh. I do. What a cool show. No more, though, which sucks. A smidgen of D/H? How about a LOT! I put it up by the weekend. Yay!)
Wow. Very, very long. Thank you everyone. Thanks to Kiara, seeing as I only just found out she added my other story 'Perfect' to her favourites list. *Cough-check-that-out!-Cough* No shamless plugs. I was coughing! 8-)
I sighed and stared out at the lake. I turned my head to find Harry standing right behind me. Although I'd been dating Colin for the past few weeks.... Harry still gave me that familiar feeling. And even though Colin and I had started out petending to date.... we were now *actually* dating.
In the past four weeks that we'd been really dating, we'd become rather fond of each other. Since I figured Harry was going to be marrying Ginny, I thought I might as well try some dating. Now that I saw Harry again, I wasn't so sure.
"Hi," Harry said, "I thought you might be here." I hastily got to my feet.
"Did you want something?" I asked.
"Oh, yes," he replied, "I was just wondering.... what was it that made you want to be our friends."
"Well... I thought I'd enjoy Ron and Hermione's friendship..." I said.
"Oh. Only Ron and Hermione?"
"No offense Harry, but I don't really like Ginny that much. As a matter of fact, I sort of hate her. But if you two are together, I guess I have to respect that."
"Draco, we called off the wedding," he said.
"I'm sorry to hear that," I replied, not really registering what he'd said.
"You are?" he asked, sort of surprised. And it hit me.
"You did???" I demanded, shocked out of my wits.
"Well - you can't - marry someone," he said, "When you're in love with someone else." He looked *straight* into my eyes.
"I - what?" I said, feeling my knees go weak.
"Yeah," Harry said, "I've been thinking a lot about that kiss in the classroom months ago.... and I think I'm in love with you."
Fucking hell!!! This was the moment I'd been hoping for all year. Now that it was here.... I couldn't even properly enjoy it. I could not go out with him, seeing as I was now dating Colin. I opened my mouth to speak.
And felt Harry's connect with it. It was heavenly. His mouth tasted of toothpaste, kethcup and strawberries. Weird mix, but I loved it. I immediately grabbed him by the arms and pushed him roughly against a nearby tree. I kissed him hungrily, devouring him, enjoying the fact that he seemed to be surrendering himself to me.
And it was NOTHING like kissing Colin. Colin was an amazing kisser, he truly was, but Harry was earth-shattering. Maybe I'm a bit biased because I love him, but really...... he was brilliant.
His right hand was on the side of my head, and his other one was making its way slowly downward. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and stoked the roof of his mouth and his teeth, checking for any familiarity. He suddenly gasped.
"Draco," my name came forth from his mouth. I pressed my erection against his leg, but it didn't help to stifle it. The feel of his hands roaming over my body was quite spectacular. And his mouth just exploring every inch of mine was, to put it simply, perfect. And I wanted to stand there all day, kissing him gently, roughly, smoothly, violently. I wanted to try everything with him.
But I couldn't. There was one problem. Colin happened to be my boyfriend. And I knew this wasn't fair to either Harry or Colin. So I gently pushed Harry away, knowing I'd regret it in the near future.
Harry looked quite shocked.
"Was that supposed to be absolutely amazing?" Harry asked. Oh.... I fell in love with him all over again.
"I don't know.... you're the boss of you.... Harry, as much as I truly enjoyed that, I happen to have a boyfriend."
"Well yeah, there's *Colin*," he said, like that didn't matter, "But I mean... he'll understand, I'm sure."
"Understand what?"
"That we're together now," he replied.
"But we're not."
"Yes we are - aren't we?"
"Harry, Colin's my boyfriend. I don't care how much I love you, I'm not going to hurt him."
"Where have I heard that before?" Harry said, smiling sweetly. I almost kissed him again.
"Stop being so darn cute!" I scolded, and Harry looked so adorably innocent... I couldn't help but press my lips to his again, "No! I can't do this. It's betrayal of the worst kind."
"But...." Harry said, his hands somehow finding the zipper of my jeans.
"Shit, Harry! You - you can't just come up to me, looking all sexy, and expect me to shag you."
"Why not?" he asked, cuiously.
"Well, Jesus! Maybe because you just broke up with your fiance. And it was not me. I may be in love with you, but Colin's my boyfriend, and I should at least explain it to him before I jump into bed with you."
"Okay.... I respect that," Harry said.
"Thank you....." I said, "I'm going to go find Colin. We'll have to work something out. This is what I've been begging God, if there is one, for since last summer."
"I'm glad it worked out for you," Harry said, "But go find Colin, before I kiss you again." I smirked.
"I knew you found me irresitible," I said.
"I find *you* irresistible.... the way it sounds, it's the other way around." He looked beautiful trying to be all sarcastic and failing miserably. I wanted to kiss him, but instead, I got this overwhelming urge to lick his face.
So I gently pulled his face toward me, and Harry opened his mouth for a kiss. I turned his head to the side and licked his face from chin to forehead, right over the lightning bolt-shaped scar. When I pulled away, Harry was shaking uncontrollably.
"I have a feeling I'm supposed to think that's incredibly weird....." he said, and I felt stupid, "But all I can really think is that it was incredibly sexy." Then he launched himself at me, kissing me fiercely. It was one of those hungry ones, where I guess Harry wanted to taste me. Because his tongue was probing every inch of it. Usually that's seriously annoying, but with Harry, it was amazing.
Suddenly bursting with lust, I put my hand over his growing erection but the material of his trousers set a momentary block between my hand and his member. (A/N: I need another word for penus. Help me). I'd have to make do. I started stroking it, and Harry shot away from me.
"What's wrong?" I asked, longing to feel his mouth on mine again.
"Nothing...." Harry said, "That was just very unexpected.... you're really gentle. When I was coming down here to talk to you, I was afraid you might be really violent with me. Just because of the way you used to act, I guess."
"Well I can be violent, but only if you want me to...." I drawled, and grinned, because it was a joke. Harry smiled.
"I don't know why I was with Ginny, when I've been wanting to kiss *you* all these months. Looking at you right now, I feel like I could take you and.... well, have my way with you, as lame as that sounds. All the times I've looked at you and wanted to kill you for not having at least tried to show me you love me."
"Hey!" I said, "That day in the classroom was the worst day of my life because you turned me down. Don't you tell me I never tried. I damn near committed suicide that day. And it was because of *Colin* that I didn't."
"I know. And I'm sorry.... Maybe I should have just broken up with Ginny.... but I was so confused. Afterward, I couldn't get you off of my mind. Then you told everyone you were gay, and for some reason I found that incredibly attractive. I was drawn to you. Then the dreams started."
"Dreams?" I said, voice higher than normal.
"Yes. The wildly exciting, intimate, passionate and beautiful dreams. You were always in them. Sometimes you'd be completely gentle, others you'd be horribly violent. But no matter what, I always woke up feeling as though I'd wished they weren't just dreams."
"Well.... I started to realize I didn't get dreams like that about Ginny. I thought maybe it was because I actually got to make love to Ginny and perhaps there was no reason to have wet dreams about her. I was already doing everything I wanted to, kind of thing. But then I realized that kissing Ginny didn't give me that wonderful feeling. And I remembered that kiss in the classroom. How amazing that kiss was." My breath caught in my throat.
"I - have to go talk to Colin." I stumbled away from him and ran at breakneck speed back up to castle. This was simply too much to take in. So I ran. I slowed down as I walked into the entrance hall and along the corridor. Suddenly, someone grabbed me by the hand from behind and pulled me into a ferocious kiss that made my knees buckle. I hungrily kissed back. I slowly pulled away, feeling absolutely on fire.
"Harry," I whispered. There was silence, as I breathed deeply, unable to see in the dark dorridor.
"I'm NOT Harry," came Colin's rather irritated voice. I clapped a hand to my mouth in shock and backed away.
"Colin!" I said in surprise, not feeling on fire any more, "I'm sorry! I thought you were Harry!"
"Obviously," he said flatly. Then he stepped out of the shadows. He looked angry, but mostly he looked hurt, "Look I know you like Harry, but I thought you could at least tell the difference between the two of us. You know, like at least I don't lie to the people I love."
"Colin," I said and I knew there were tears on my cheeks. I knew what was going to become of this conversation, "I know. I'm really sorry."
"You know, I was just coming to tell you that I think I love you.... but if you imagine me to be Harry when you're kissing me -"
"No, no!" I said desperately, "I don't imagine you as Harry. I was just with Harry, and he and Ginny broke up and -"
"And you were coming to break it off with me, now that Harry's single."
I hated to admit it, even to myself, but that was exactly what I had been about to do. Now I wasn't so sure. Actually, yesterday, I'd really thought about it. And I'd come to the conclusion that perhaps I loved Colin, too. Not nearly as much as I loved Harry, but enough to be with him. After all, who was there with me when Harry had said he didn't love me? Who'd been there to comfort me? Who had been my best friend for months? Who had kissed me in the Great Hall in front of Harry just to make him jealous?
Colin.
I realised as I looked at Colin, that he loved me too. That was the last thing I wanted. Hadn't Pansy said she was in love with me? And Harry, just now? And now Colin as well? How could three people be in love with one person? And why would they be in love with such an idiotic person, who continually hurt people?
Me. I had hurt Pansy many, many times. Looking at colin, I knew that I loved Harry more. I knew I wanted to be with Harry. I knew I'd break Colin's heart (and it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do). It would be ALL my fault.
I looked at Colin and tears streamed down my face. Real, true tears. I thought about it, and realized this was the first time I'd ever cried proper tears (excluding that tim ein the bathroom). I cried a lot, but not like this. Colin reached up and wiped them off my face as they came down. Each time one did, he wiped it away. It was quite intimate and I wanted nothing more than to kiss Colin and have it over with, but I couldn't.
"Yes, Colin, I'm breaking up with you." Then the tears started for him. It was the worst moment of my life. Worse than finding out Harry was marrying Ginny, worse than thinking Harry didn't love me, worse than finding out Pansy loved me and I couldn't do a thing about it, worse than any moment of my life.
Watching Colin crying was torture. It truly was. So I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tightly. He started sobbing, so I did what he'd done ages ago. I pushed him to arms length.
"It's my loss. It's my loss, and I am so sorry for putting you through this pain," I said through my tears, and began kissing him on *his* face. Everywhere but his lips. Colin cried harder, and we just stood there for what felt like hours. Crying and hugging and apologizing to each other. It was the worst and yet it was the best moment of my life. Suddenly I saw things in perspective.
You can never be completely happy. You can never have things both ways. In life you get many choices, and the choices you make effect you drastically. Although we don't think about it when we make them, our choices could mean the difference between life and death, good and evil, right and wrong, love and hate. Even those small decisions like what colour shirt you're going to wear could change your life completely. Maybe you'll meet a terrific person who likes you because you wore red. But if you had worn green, then maybe they wouldn't have noticed you.
And I saw that I had make the right choice. For even if I loved Colin, I loved Harry more. I couldn't give up a chance of being with the person I've loved for almost a whole year. I truly couldn't. I knew that although Colin was upset, he probably agreed. He knew that I was doing the right thing as well. Hopefully he also knew that he would find someone who loved him. Someone who loved him enough to be with him until he died.
God, I hope he knew.
*
"Hey Honey," Harry said, sitting in my lap at the Gryffindor table. Hermione smirked.
"Get a room," she said. But she was smiling. She was just as chipper as me about all of this. Harry and I had been dating for exactly one week. Ginny, Colin and Pansy were actually happy to see us together, as was most of the school. We really didn't hide our relationship from anyone.
Harry was about to kiss me when I shook my head and grunted a little. Colin was right in front of me. One thing I didn't like doing was being physical in front of people. In private we could be physical all we wanted. I pushed him off my lap, and continued eating my lunch.
"I was trying to do an essay for Potions, and when I finally fnished it, I realized I'd actually done one for Transfiguration," Harry said, piling shephed's pie on to his plate. I burst out laughing, choked on some salmon, and spat it into a napkin.
"That's hilarious," I said, practically crying with mirth.
"Quiet you," Harry said, "You're the one I was thinking about when I got so disoriented."
"Blame my parents for my charming smile," I said, and just as I spoke, a bird flew over and dropped a roll of parchment on to my plate, "Ah, shit. I was hoping this wouldn't come."
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"Well," I replied, opening it up to find two letters, "A letter from my father, and a letter from my mother." I opened up the one from my mother, knowing it would be a little more pleasant than my father's.
"Why are they writing to you when they've barely done so all year?" Harry asked.
"Well, in this morning's Daily Prophet, there was an article about the two of us being together. My father reads the paper during breakfast. So that would have given him about two and a half hours to write me a detailed letter about how wrong homosexuality is, get my mother to write one, and then send it here. Mordecai - that's the bird's name - is extremely fast."
"Well, you better read them," Hermione said.
"Shhh..." I muttered, as I started to read. This is what it said:
Draco,
Your father told me all about your fooling around with other boys. I highly disapprove of it, and so does your father. He's sending you a letter as well. I hope you understand the shame you've put on this family, and I'm sure your father will have a few things to say about it.
-Your Mother
"The stupid bitch can't even sign her own name," I said, feeling the anger boil up inside me, "She just repeats herself because she has the IQ of a fucking fish, and can't think of anything to say besides 'your father'. Bet you a million galleons the bloody woman had to get out our old thesauras to find half these words."
There was silence as everyone took in how much I disliked my parents. Hermione looked sympathetic, Ron looked amused, Harry looked shocked and Colin was trying not to listen and failing.
"What'd your father say?" Ron asked through a mouthful of something.
"Well, this should be fun, let's see...." I muttered, glancing at the letter. I read it in my head, just to be sure there was nothing in it that would be quite obscene. There was. This one read:
You,
I no longer consider you my son. There is not a chance in the world I'm going to introduce you to people as my son after this fag nonsense. I thought you were smarter than this. The hate I feel for you right now is incredible, so do not be surprised if I come down there and beat you. If I was there at the moment, you'd be yelling for everyone to hear that you are indeed perfectly normal. The only upside to this, is that when I see you on the battlefield, I'll be able to kill you and feel absolutely alive doing it. Thank Blaise Zabini for me. I hope it hurt a lot. I hate you.
Lucius Malfoy.
Everyone waited for my reaction. I just sat there, staring blankly at the letter.
"Draco, honey, are you all right?" Harry asked. In response, a huge sob escaped my throat, and I dropped the letter lightly on to my plate with the one from my mother. I banged the table with my fist very hard and made several people jump and turn to face me. I closed my eyes as the tears fell freely.
Harry immediately put his arm around me and massaged my back with his hand. I started crying more and Hermione took my hand in hers, although she was sitting across from me, and squeezed it gently. I felt so stupid crying, but I couldn't help it. No kid ever wants his or her father to hate them. I had to get away.
"Excuse me," I managed to squeak out as I picked up the two letters and ran as fast as I could out of the Great Hall. Away from prying eyes. I dashed up to the Slytherin common room, into my room and instead of throwing myself on the bed in tears, I sat down at my desk and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. I breathed deeply a few times, to sort out my thoughts, then I pressed my quill to the parchment and wrote:
Lucius Malfoy,
I never considered you my father. I don't want to be introduced as your son to anyone by you. Guess I'm dumb, then. The hate I've always felt for you is incredible, do not be surprised if I don't care. If I was with you at the moment, I'd commit suicide so I wouldn't have to see your face. And when you see me on the battle field, I hope you're good and ready. I'll be sure to give Zabini the message, and as a matter of fact, it did hurt a lot. A lot more than this letter did. I hate you, too.
Me.
I got up, and went to the owlery to get the letter delivered to my father. And when the owl took off, I imagined my father would read my letter, and then he'd get up and start practicing his duelling. He'd probably know what mess he was be getting into. He *would* want to be good and ready. I couldn't wait to see him again.
Ooh. Pissed Draco. Don't you love it!? Well, what did you think? I thought it was weak and *really* short. But I felt that if I looked at the chapter for another day, I would have been driven to insanity. I decided you wouldn't want that, as I have to finish this story.
But the problem with this story is, I'm not sure how to finish it. For the past few weeks, at least, I've been wondering how I was going to end this fic. Now I've come to a fork in the road. And I need, not just want, NEED your opinions. There are two options.
Either the next chapter will be the last one of this story, and then I will start a sequel where we'll actually see some Voldemort, Lucius, older Draco and Harry, Ron and Hermione, the other Weasleys, lots of food, and maybe that baby Draco was talking about in Chapter 3 will make an appearance.
Or I'll just continue with this story and try and stick all those things into this one. Which will mean, there will be lots of delay in updating, but you'll probably get longer chapter. I'll have to work slightly harder for this option, but it will hopefully be worthwhile.
I know what I want to do, but it's not enough. Help, guys (and girls)! I'm stuck. Please give me a hand. I'll love you for ever! Please let me know what you think. I'm suffering here. Please!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
And before I go, understand that whatever option gets chosen (is that a word?) the next update may not be up for awhile. I've got some of the next chapter written, but there's loads more to go. So please, give me your advice. I truly value your opinions. 8-) Gotta go walk my dog. Ciao!
Tine