He took me to his parent's home, the home where he grew up, because I'd said I wanted to be away from anything that reminded me of Aida. He didn't know that his home was just as bad. Everywhere I looked, there were photos of the boys and Maia. Everywhere, Gideon stared out at me with hateful laughing eyes. There were so many of them that any direction I chose, I saw him. I was even in some of these pictures, as a child. The three of us had been partners in crime, nearly inseparable, so of course I'd ended up in some of them.
One in particular caught my eye and I gazed at it as Gabriel slipped my coat from my shoulders. It was of Gabriel, Gideon and I. We were probably thirteen or fourteen and they wore their cadet uniforms, and I was in my SeeD uniform. I stood in the middle, more than a head taller than either of them, and Gabriel's hand was on my shoulder. He looked proud and happy as he smiled at the camera. Gideon, however, stared up at me with what appeared to be resentment, his face in profile. It could have been my imagination, but I didn't think it was. I shuddered and looked away.
Gabriel lead me to his room, which was the only one on the third floor. It had once been used as a storage area, but as the boys had grown older and needed independence, Gabe had moved into the room and made it his. It was by far the coolest room in the house. He'd turned it into a little apartment with couches and an entertainment system, a refrigerator and a microwave. The walls were decorated with paintings of the Guardian Forces and more photographs. Here there were fewer of Gideon, and more of our friends. I noticed there were several more of me than of anyone else. Me holding up a fish I'd caught at the docks. Me at the SeeD ball. Me attacking a T-rexaur, in mid-strike. I shut my eyes tight and refused to look. They were reminders of a better time, and I couldn't look at them either.
"Maybe you should get some sleep," Gabriel suggested.
I didn't answer, merely stood there with my eyes squeezed shut as memories of Aida bombarded me. I remembered the day she came home for the first time, even though they'd said she wouldn't live through the first twenty-four hours of her life. I remembered when she'd first started talking, and she called me 'sistah' because Micala was too hard to say. I pressed my fists against my eyes and began to sob silently as I thought about how I'd never see her grow and mature or hear her voice or see her smile ever again.
Gabriel wrapped his arms around me and mine went around him. "It'll be all right," he whispered.
But it wouldn't be all right. Aida was gone. Nothing would ever be right again. His words only made me cry harder, and he led me to the bed and made me sit. He held me until my tears dried up and I was exhausted from crying. "Get some sleep," he whispered.
I sat there like a zombie, staring at nothing. A strange kind of calm settled over me and I was left feeling a terrible numbness. I couldn't move my arms or my legs. I suppose I was trying to shut out the ache of loss so that I wouldn't have to hurt so badly and feel so guilty. Gabriel said later, it was like I was in shock. My skin was cold and clammy and I didn't respond to his words or his touch. I just sat there, unmoving and barely blinking. I didn't really even think about anything, and the things I did think were entirely irrelevant to the events.
To get my attention, he finally resorted to something that would normally piss me off.
He kissed me. I felt his lips on mine, but I didn't respond, though I felt something inside me stir. It was a kind of longing I felt, a need for closeness, but it was primal rather than intellectual. With my mind switched off, my body was reacting to his touch when I normally would have shut him down. I felt myself soften in his arms, and I was startled to find that I was actually kissing back.
There was something familiar about being there with him, his lips on mine, and it was comforting. I wanted to spend the rest of my life like that, so I wouldn't have to feel the hurt that awaited me when I came to my senses.
Gabriel pulled away and looked at me. His cheeks were flushed with color, and he was breathing hard. "We should stop," he whispered. He looked guilty, as if he'd taken advantage of me or something.
I shook my head no and wrapped my arms around him again. I didn't want to stop, not ever. All I wanted was to feel him next to me, to feel his hands on my body and his lips on mine. Clothing was shed quickly, dropped to the floor in a careless heap beside the bed. I didn't care about being irresponsible, or the consequences of my actions, I just wanted to forget.
I surrendered to him then, and I got lost in the passion, lost all sense
of place and time for a while. He was gentle and attentive with me,
took his time, as if he too were escaping the reality of the situation.
After all, he'd seen it happen, and perhaps he too needed to forget.
I didn't think, only felt. I'd found a way to escape the grief, even
if it was only for a little while. In Gabriel's bed, in his arms,
I was able to forget. Some would say it was wrong, but I say it was
the only thing I could do to keep my psyche from splintering into a thousand
pieces.
When I woke, it was daylight, some time past noon, and the bed beside me was empty. I sat up and yawned. I was alone in the room, so I climbed from the bed and dressed.
As I descended the stairs, I heard voices below and stopped.
"Son, what were you thinking?" Squall's voice asked. He sounded irritated.
"I was thinking of her and what she needed," Gabriel replied. "Maybe it wasn't the best way to go about it, but it was the only thing I could do."
"How could you take advantage of her like that? Her sister dies and you drag her into bed with you? I can see Gideon doing something like that, but not you."
"Dad, you weren't there. You didn't have to watch that little girl die and not be able to do a damn thing to keep it from happening!" Gabriel cried out.
"It was irresponsible," Squall said.
"It was the only comfort I could give her," Gabriel said. "It was all I could do."
"Squall," Rinoa's voice said calmly, "What did you do after I told you I'd become a sorceress? How did you comfort me?"
There was a long pause, "Whatever," he finally said.. "Just pray Seifer doesn't find out, because if he does, you're dead meat."
"I'll take that chance," Gabriel said.
"I should call Quistis and let her know she's all right," Rinoa said.
A moment later, I heard footsteps on the stairs below. I dashed back up to the room, quietly closed the door and turned towards the bed.
I let out a scream as I looked down at it. All the grief and fear returned as I gazed down at Aida's stuffed bear, which lay upon the pillow with a knife stuck in it's fuzzy chest. Gideon had been here, though how he'd gotten in, I didn't know. The window was locked from the inside, and there was no way he could have gotten past me on the stairs without me noticing.
Fear made me reel back from it, and I sat down on the floor, my hands pressed against my mouth to trap the screams that were surely coming.
"Micala?" Gabriel called as he rushed into the room, Squall right behind him. "Are you all right?"
I shook my head and pointed. Gabriel saw it immediately and sucked in his breath. "Hyne . . ." he whispered and picked the bear up. "Micala, who did this?"
"I can't tell you," I whispered back and rose to my feet.
"Micala, whatever's going on, you have to tell us," Squall said and put his hand on my shoulder. "Did someone do this on purpose?"
"I can't tell you, so please, the both of you don't ask," I said and
turned for the door and sprinted down the stairs.
Gideon had been in Gabriel's room. He was around, somewhere, very
close and he watched my every move. I knew it for certain now.
He had to be somewhere here in the house, listening to every word we said.
It was chilling to think about because it was most likely true.
"Where are you?" I whispered as I paused on the stairs between the second and first floor. "Come out and play. Or are you a coward?"
I was met with silence, and then the sound of someone on the stairs above. It was only Squall and Gabriel, so I continued down the stairs.
Rinoa met me at the bottom. She held out her arms to embrace me, but I bypassed her and headed to the door. "Micala, wait, please," she said.
I turned around and looked at her red-rimmed eyes and the tears streaking her face. "I'm sorry," she said and wiped away her tears. "I'm really sorry."
"Me too," I said.
"Whatever it is that is happening to you, don't be afraid to ask for help. You've got good friends and people who love you. Depend on them if you need them," she said. "And you can come to me if you need to."
"Thanks," I said and gave her a quick hug. "That means a lot to me."
"Micala, you're like my own daughter," she said and smoothed my hair down. "I watched you grow up along side my own children. I love like you were mine, and I'll be here for you, no matter what."
Nothing anyone had ever said made me want to cry, but those words did. The thing was, my own mother had never said something like this to me. I love mom, I do, but she's never been the kind I could run to when I needed advice, especially when dealing with matters of the heart. It was Rinoa I had always gone to with those kinds of problems. All of us kids had. Mom was too pragmatic and Selphie Kinneas was too unrealistic. Rinoa was a nice middle ground, and I thought of her as an older sister rather than my friend's mother. So, would she feel the same way, once I killed her son? Would she be there for me then? I didn't think so.
I nodded and hurried out the door.
"Wait up," Gabriel called. "Let me give you a ride."
"I think I need the walk," I said and sniffled. "I'll see you later."
"Then let me walk with you."
"Gabe, I really need to be alone right now," I said as gently as I could. "Please."
"All right, but be careful."
"Did you forget who you're talking to?" I asked and gave him a weak smile. "It's hard to kill an Almasy."
"You got that right," he said and chuckled. "If you need me, just
call. I'll be there."
****Notes****
Wow! Reviews....thanks guys. I was starting to think that
I only had one reader. You don't have to respond to every chapter,
but at least let me know you're there now and then....:) But thanks
for your positive words! Don't be strangers, now.
A quick note about the quotations at the beginning of the last few chapters (muchas gracias to lestatsdarkrose for her many reviews)...they're not necessarily related to the story, they're just bits and peices of what I've been listening to as I edit. Some of them actually apply, and some don't. It's just that I listen to music as I write, and sometimes it influences my stories....so I posted 'em. Some chapters will have 'em, some won't. Bah.
So, what's next? The story only gets better from here, and by better, I don't mean happier. Bad things happen when there's a madman loose inside my head and I let him play God...mawaa ha ha!
Oh, yeah....if you've been reading Oceans Apart, I appologize for the
delay in posting the next chapter. It needed some heavy editing,
and it'll be up soon.