It should have been me, daddy, and if I could have traded places with her, I wouldn't have given it a second thought.
I found you on your boat that day, leaning against the rail, a bottle of vodka in your hand and a scattering of cigarette butts at your feet. For the first time, you looked defeated and broken. My heart ached as I watched you take a long swallow from the bottle and light another cigarette.
"Daddy?" I called as I approached.
You looked back at me and beckoned for me to cme closer. I didn't know what to say to you, and I was glad that it was you that spoke first. What you said to me then, your words will haunt me forever.
"Micala, of all my children, you are the one I thought would die young."
"I'm still young," I said and took a cigarette from your pack.
You shrugged and looked out at the ocean. "I always waited for that phone call when you were out on a mission, telling me that you wouldn't be coming home."
"Why?" I asked, and I exhaled a cloud of smoke, trying not to let it make me cough.
You smiled then and passed me the vodka, which I gratefully accepted. "Micala, you've always been like me. You're hard headed and proud, but you're also dangerous and impulsive. I figured, one day, you'd do something to get yourself killed. I figured you'd be the one to break my heart."
"I'm not going to die on you daddy," I promised and I threw my arms around you. "I fight back."
You reached out and caressed my hair. "You do have the Almasy constitution, and the attitude to match," you chuckled. "Of all my kids, you've made me the proudest."
Tears sprang to my eyes, and I had to look away. "I'm sorry I couldn't save her, daddy. I'm sorry I failed you."
"Failed me?" you asked as you took me by the shoulders. "Is that what you think?"
I nodded and wiped away my tears.
"No, baby, no. You didn't fail me," you said as you pulled me into your arms. I remember how your voice broke with grief. "You've never failed at anything you've ever done. Don't you dare think you failed me just because you couldn't save her."
"Then why do I feel like I did?"
"Because there was nothing you could do."
I stayed with you until sunset, then waked home, exhausted and badly in need of some sleep. Mom was passed out on the couch, and Rinoa was tending to the kitchen when I arrived.
"Hi," she whispered. "I gave your mom a valium to help her sleep. Hope you don't mind."
"It's ok," I whispered back and took a beer from the fridge.
"How are you holding up?"
"Not great," I replied and sat down at the table.
Rinoa helped herself to a beer as well and took a seat next to me. She sighed and rested her chin on her hand. "Your mother's having a really hard time with this," she said and placed her hand upon mine. "At times like this, I wish sorceresses had the power to heal the heart. If I could take away everyone's hurt, I would."
I gave her a weak smile but didn't reply.
"My son cares a great deal for you, Micala," she said and she gave my hand a squeeze.
"I know," I said, but I didn't want to think about Gabriel. My feelings were complicated, and I was unsure of what I felt for him. It might have been love, but I wasn't sure, and it wasn't the time to try and sort it all out anyhow.
"It scares you, doesn't it?" she asked.
"What?" I asked.
"Falling in love," she said. "Don't let Gideon running away make it hard for you to love Gabriel. They may look the same on the outside, but they're much different on the inside. And Gabriel's a good boy. He's loved you since you were children, so give him a chance."
I looked at my beer bottle and began to peel off the label. "Do you think I fell in love with the wrong one?"
She nodded. "We were all surprised when it was Gideon you chose. I knew then that it would lead to nothing but trouble."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Anything."
"Did Gideon ever have any weird tendencies? Any imbalances that you know of?"
Rinoa paled at the bluntness of my question. "Not that I remember. Why do you ask?"
"It's nothing," I said and chugged the rest of my beer. "I need to get some sleep," I told her.
"I have a valium if you need it."
"No, thanks," I replied and headed up the stairs to my room.
I didn't bother to undress, I just lay down and switched the light out, praying for sleep to come quickly. The exhaustion was overwhelming, and I drifted off within a few minutes.
My cell phone rang an hour later, and I sat upright in my bed at the sound. My heart thundered in my chest, and the room was suddenly too cold. "Hello?" I asked.
"Hello, Micala. Are you hurting yet?"
"Yes," I admitted.
"This is just the beginning. I can do a lot more to hurt you."
"No," I said. "No more. You're a coward, and I won't let
you hurt my family again."
"I'll do what it takes to break you."
"You killed an innocent little girl to get to me? You sick, cowardly fuck! I'm not going to let you do it again."
"You're wrong about that," he said with a cold laugh. "Are you ready for your next riddle?"
"I'm not playing any more of your games, Gideon, least of all on the night before we bury an empty casket that's supposed to represnet my sister."
"Such a terrible accident."
"Accident my ass!" I screamed at him. "You killed her!"
"I didn't make her fall. She slipped."
"If you hadn't taken her there in the first place, she'd still be alive."
He paused for a moment. "Are you going to play the game?"
"No." I said.
"Then someone else will have to die," he said. "Tell me, did
you enjoy fucking my brother last night?"
"Shut up!" I cried. So, he had been there, and he'd seen everything. I went to the window and peered out. Perhaps he was somewhere out in the yard, hiding in the shadows. I checked the lock, and then went to my bedroom door and locked it too. I didn't want him coming in here and spying on me while I slept.
"I'd add him to the list of people I can hurt you with by killing, but he's already on here."
"You wouldn't kill your own brother."
"He stopped being my brother the night he fucked you on your father's goddamned boat!" Gideon cried out. "When he told you he loved you and wanted to make you his wife!"
Hyne . . . what was he saying to me? All the promises that I'd thought Gideon made . . . no. It couldn't be. I would know the difference. He was just trying to piss me off. He had to be.
He laughed then. "You didn't know?"
"I don't believe you."
"Then ask him yourself."
"You're insane," I whispered and sat on the floor, trembling. "You're out of your fucking mind."
"Ask him. He'll tell you the truth," he said. "Plesant dreams, Micala."
I dropped the phone and wrapped my arms around my legs. What Gideon had said. It couldn't be true. Gabriel wouldn't pretend to be Gideon, would he? He wouldn't do that to me.
My mind went back to that night. I'd been drunk. Very, very drunk.
"Come with me," I said as I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him up the beach. In one hand, I clutched a bottle of Tequila.
"Where are we going?" he asked with a nervous laugh.
"We're going sailing."
"Right now?"
I wrapped my arms around him. "Right now. You and me and this bottle of tequila."
"Are you sure this is a good idea?"
I looked at him, perplexed. "You're turning down a chance to finally get some booty, Leonhart? For shame."
He laughed and grabbed my hand. Together, we ran to the harbor and climbed aboard the sailboat, giggling like children as we prepared to sail. I ran the sails up the mast and tightened them down, as I'd been taught to do. Within minutes, we left the harbor and the lights of Balamb grew smaller and smaller behind us.
"This is really something," he said as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Tonight will really be something," I promised and I kissed him. His lips were tender upon mine. It was like kissing him for the first time, and it made it all the more exciting.
I surrendered to him under the stars, I let him do what he wanted with me, and he was so loving and gentle, and it made it all the more special.
"I've loved you my whole life," he whispered. "I want you to spend the rest of it with me."
"Do you mean that?" I asked as I looked up at him.
"With all my heart," he whispered. "One of these days, I'm
going to marry you, Micala Almasy."
****NOTES****
This chapter better get some reviews! Ha ha. So, do you
think Gideon was telling the truth, or was he messing with her head?