Maia Leonhart, on the other hand, was not born to do battle. She wasn't particularly strong, nor particularly skilled. Now, that's not to say that she wasn't any good, because she was, it's just that she lacked the physical strength to use her weapon well. Her instructors had used poor judgment in allowing her to train with it in the first place, so it wasn't entirely her fault. Still, she'd made SeeD, so she at least had enough skill to make the grade.
In training her, I discovered she did have one thing going for her, and that was agility. Hyne, that girl was fast! She could move faster than a Grendel on haste, I joke not. Had I ever been that quick, I would have been unstoppable. Still, she wasn't very strong, and therefore her attacks didn't do as much damage as they could have. It was rather like throwing pebbles at an Iron Giant - irritating enough to piss him off, but largely ineffective on the whole. However, I got the sense from training from her that there was more to her than there seemed. She may have been a little weak, but I could tell she was a lot stronger than she let on. During our training sessions, it seemed she held back a lot of times when she should have acted, she hesitated when she should have struck. I think, perhaps, she was afraid of crossing the line and not being able to get back.
I discovered things about myself, too. I learned that I had little control over my powers as a Sorceress. Sometimes my mind would take over in the heat of battle, and I would release ridiculous amounts of magic without even thinking about it. More than one T-rexaur fell victim to a vicious barrage of magic before I could even draw my blade. I also discovered, the very thought of Gideon caused things around me to fall to the floor, break and sometimes, explode. Truly, I was frightened of myself. I worried, with good reason, that in my rage, I might hurt someone without meaning to.
So, after I finished with Maia each day, I spent three more hours in the Training Center so that I could learn to control it. The first day was a disaster. My aim had been to make a complete sweep of the Training Center without casting a single spell. I had to try hard to say focused, and found that despite my greatest efforts, I still managed to randomly cast spells, and I even caused a fire to start inside the center, which prompted an evacuation of the entire Garden.
By the third day, I'd learned to control the spell casting somewhat, however, I was still having trouble not making things explode at random. I'd tried some techniques that Rinoa had used when she'd first inherited her powers, but none of them seemed to work for me. Finally, out of frustration, I went to Ellone.
"When I was a child, I had trouble controlling my powers too," she said as we walked along the beach in search of shells she wished to take back to the orphanage she volunteered at in Esthar. "I was unwittingly the cause of a lot of naptime nightmares at the Lighthouse orphanage because I couldn't control the connections when I became bored. Since I was older, I didn't have to sleep like the others. I didn't have anyone to play with with everyone asleep, and sometimes, my mind would wander . . . ."
"Well, how did you make it stop?" I asked.
She smiled a little mysteriously. "Matron taught me a few things."
"Care to share them?"
Elle bent down to pick up a lavender and white scallop shell and she looked it over carefully before she stood up. Rather than placing it in her bag, she handed it to me. "You need something to focus on. Something peaceful, something that represents knowledge and calm."
I looked at the shell with suspicion. "Is there some kind of calming magic in here or what?" I asked as I turned it over.
"Everything has magic in it. You just have to look for it," she said with a soft smile. "You have to find the beauty in all things. Notice the things around you, watch the sunset, smell the ocean air. Focus on it. Be one with it."
"Sounds kind of silly."
"Silly but effective."
I didn't understand what she meant, or how it might help me, but I kept that to myself. "Anything else?"
Elle nodded. "In order to learn restraint in your powers, you must also practice it in your daily life."
"Restraint is not one of my best qualities," I grumbled as I fingered the shell.
"I know," she said with a smile. "And I suspect that's why you're having such a difficult time with this. Rinoa also had a lot of trouble because she was naturally impulsive. I remember she once electrocuted Laguna when he drank her last diet soda. She didn't mean to, but she was upset and at the time didn't have much control over what she did. Willpower is the key."
"So what exactly should I do?"
"Don't let your impulses get the best of you," she said and shrugged. "Make restraint what you want."
Though she was trying to be helpful, I doubted any of it would work, and I doubted that I could learn to hold back. My whole life was built on a foundation of making things happen. My lack of hesitation was what had kept me alive in dire circumstances, it was what drove me to be a warrior. I was the kind of person who went after what I wanted, and I usually got it because I was never willing to back down.
Still I took what she said to heart because there was nothing else I could do. When I returned home that evening with the shell held gently in the palm of my hand, I contemplated the best way to begin practicing. After much thought, I opened my pack of cigarettes and laid one out on the table and placed my lighter and the remainder of the pack beside it. I vowed that I wouldn't touch them for the rest of the evening no matter what happened or how badly I wanted one.
The first hour was the hardest. I stared at those cigarettes, craving them so badly that I began to fidget and pace the room. They called my name, they dared me to light one up. I had become so used to them that I didn't realize I smoked one after another without thinking about it. For a while, I seriously thought about saying 'fuck it' and lighting up anyway, but I reasoned, if I had one, I'd probably want another and another and another . . . .
After that first hour, it was easy because I concentrated on making the exercise a success. Failure was not an option. The SeeD motto, right? I passed the time by pacing the house and reciting the SeeD Code of Conduct as I checked the locks on the windows and closed all the drapes, however I took care not to enter Aida's room for some reason.
". . . .You may not, at any time, question the validity of your mission. To do so will render the operative disqualified for said mission with the possibility of exclusion from future missions. Repeated offenses will result in loss of rights, rank, pay and/or may be grounds for dismissal.
"A SeeD must always conduct themselves professionally. There are no exceptions. When on a mission, you must refrain from arguing with fellow comrades, your designated captain or those whom you have been sent to assist . . . ."
I must have repeated the entire thing three times before I became bored and took the shell from my pocket. I studied it as I leaned against the kitchen counter. It was about the size of a postage stamp, and it was mostly a pale lavender with small flecks of white near the edge. For a while, I turned it over and over, feeling the difference in texture on each side.
For some reason, this made me think of Aida and of a particular habit of hers that used to annoy mom to no end. Aida used to collect feathers, and mom said they were dirty, full of lice, but still, Aida collected them because she thought they were pretty. Each one she found, she stuck into a mason jar that was already half full of shark teeth of various sizes. As I remembered this, I felt a strong need to go to her room, though I hadn't been inside since she died.
I flipped on the light in her room and glanced around at the pink walls and the posters of sharks, underwater scenes, and maps of ocean currents. Until then, I'd never noticed how the girlish decorations clashed with those posters. I supposed it was no different than my room when I was her age. Back then I had taken down the glossy framed pictures of kittens and teddy bears mom had thought were appropriate for a girl and replaced them with posters of gunblades and war scenes. I smiled a little as I thought of this. Had Aida lived, she might have grown out of her obsession with ocean life, but perhaps not. I had never grown out of my obsession with being a SeeD after all, and I felt a bit sad to know that we'd never find out.
Still, the memories that flooded me as I entered the room were sweet rather than sorrowful, and I realized that Aida had been a gift. Her short presence in our lives had been precious, considering that no one thought she'd ever live as long as she did. For whatever reason, Hyne had given her four years with us, and ever second of her existence had been something special.
As I smiled at the rows and rows of dolls, each of which had names that I couldn't recall, I realized that this room was the only place I had felt truly at ease in weeks. It was strange. The room itself should have made me want to cry like a baby, but it didn't. Instead, I felt like singing, and daddy, you know I've never been one to sing.
Upon the vanity sat the jar of feathers and shark teeth. I sat down in the tiny chair before the mirror and plucked them out and laid them out one by one upon the table top. There was a wide assortment of colors and sizes. Most were common bird feathers, but some were a little more exotic, such as the gold Chocobo feather she'd found on the beach and the strange red and black ones no one had been able to identify.
There were seven of these and I cautiously picked one of them up and smoothed the edges. They were quite beautiful. At the very base they were an inky black, but gradually turned to a maroon, and finally to a lovely crimson at the tip. I had no idea where she'd found them or what kind of bird they'd come from, and it didn't really matter. What mattered was, they were Aida's, and now, they would belong to me.
Carefully, I tied each one into of my hair, just behind my left ear. When I sat back and gazed at myself in the mirror, I was pleased to find I looked as I had in the dream. I felt . . . peaceful and somehow closer to my sister than I'd ever felt before. I placed the shell on top of the shark teeth, then I placed the remainder of the feathers back in the jar.
Downstairs in the dining room, I sat down before the cigarettes again and stared at them. For a moment, I contemplated rewarding myself with one for managing to refrain, but the moment I picked one up, I impulsively snapped it in half. Then, I did the same to the ones that remained and swept them into the trash can. "I win," I mumbled and smiled to myself.
To this day, I don't know if it was the feathers or the trick with the cigarettes that made me take control of my powers, and it probably isn't important. What is important is that from then on, I could, within limits, of course, control the amount and strength of the magic I cast. And, I was less likely to injure someone without meaning to.
*****
Three days before the "Inaugural Sorceress Ball," as Selphie Kinneas had called it, Maia, Delcie and her mom, Ellone and I took the train to Dollet to do some shopping, since the stores in Balamb didn't have many items that a girl of 5'11'' could easily fit into, and what they had was rather unattractive to say the least. As much as I didn't want to dress up for the occasion, I couldn't exactly appear in leather pants and a tank top. So, early that morning, we boarded the train while all the men piled onto your sailboat, daddy, to spend the day deep sea fishing.
I was glad to see that Gabriel had talked Squall into going, since all he'd done since Rinoa's death was sit on the couch and stare out into space. So, when he'd agreed, I was thrilled, though I was a lot concerned about everyone's safety. For one thing, there was no telling what Gideon might have planned, and for another, Laguna was going too. You once said that Laguna Loire was the only man you ever knew who could 'fuck up an anvil,' so naturally, I was concerned he might accidentally fall overboard, or worse, manage to sink the boat.
Worries aside, however, I boarded the train, confident that everything would be ok.
"This is going to be so much fun!" Delcie cried as the flopped into her seat in the passenger car. "It's been so long since we've been able to just take off and go shopping like this."
"Cool it, Del," I said. "I hate shopping, so every word you say about it will make me want to throw myself off this train."
"Spoil sport," she pouted.
Ellone patted me on the shoulder and smiled as she eyed the feathers I'd begun to faithfully tie into my hair each morning. "Micala, you are a sorceress now, so you're going to have to start thinking about wearing make-up and dressing the part."
I never did understand why Sorceresses dressed so exotically. It was as if, once they received their powers, their regular clothing was no longer good enough. I had no interest in wearing corsets or velvet dresses with puffed sleeves. "Can't I just stay me?" I asked.
"Of course you'll be you," Selphie said and she rolled her eyes, "You'll just be you with better fashion sense."
"Hyne, spare me," I mumbled. "I should have gone fishing instead."
I'd expected that we'd spend an hour or two shopping, grab something to eat and then go home, but that's not what happened. We spent five hours, daddy, five whole hours searching through boutiques and department stores before they even thought about sitting down for lunch. And once lunch was over, they were back at it! Even Maia, who'd been as reluctant as I to go along with them, even she was getting into it.
Every Sorceress has a specific gift she receives along with her powers, and that gift varies from person to person. It was in Dollet that I discovered what mine was. After I became frustrated with the others for taking so long to make their purchases, I decided to slip away and go check out the weapon shop around the corner. They didn't have much of a selection, so I reluctantly decided to return to the department store rather than go looking for the other shop on the other side of town.
As I rounded the corner, I nearly tripped over a little blonde girl who sat in the middle of the sidewalk with her legs crossed beneath her. "Sweetie," I told her, "That's not the best place to sit. I almost stepped on you!"
The little girl started to sing, and I froze where I stood. Her voice was painfully familiar, and I had to crouch down on her level to see her face, which was obscured by her soft golden hair. "Where's your mommy?" I asked as I reached out to brush her hair back.
"My mommy's gone," she said in a mournful voice. "I don't know where she went."
I had to crane my head around to see her face. "I'll help you find her," I said as I lifted her hair from her eyes. When I did, it was Aida that I saw. Aida, daddy. She was there, flesh and blood, living, breathing, talking and moving.
"Aida?" I whispered as I peered at the girl more closely. "Is that your name?"
She nodded and started to cry. "I miss my daddy too! I don't know where he is, and I can't find him."
Joy was the first thing I felt as I picked her up off of the concrete sidewalk and held her close. All that mattered right then was that she was alive. There had been some kind of mistake. Gideon had taken some other girl who looked like Aida and hidden the real one away, and she was safe and unharmed. Maybe he'd staged it somehow, to make me think she was dead, when she wasn't.
I cried tears of relief to have my lost sister back in my arms. "Aida," I whispered into her hair as I closed my eyes, "I'm going to take you home."
It was then that I heard Delcie ask, "Micala, what in Hyne's name are you doing?"
I opened my eyes and looked up, startled. My arms were empty, Aida was gone. I appeared to be holding air, and I'm certain I must have appeared to have lost my mind. I looked down at the sidewalk, then spun around. "Aida?" I called. "Where did you go?"
"Micala?" Delcie asked again, this time sounding more concerned.
"Aida. She was here," I sputtered. "Did you see which way she went?"
"Kalie, honey," Delcie said as she placed her hand on my arm. "Aida's gone, remember? She . . . died."
I shook my head as I glanced across the street. "No. She was just here."
"It's not possible," Delcie said as her eyes filled with tears of pity. "She's gone, Micala."
"She was here!" I screeched at her. "I saw her. I picked her up."
Delcie sniffled and took my hand. "Let's go home, ok? It's been a long day, and you're under a lot of pressure with everything going on. You're just tired and your mind is playing tricks on you."
I didn't want to believe that it was just my imagination or wishful thinking. I didn't want to believe that she was really gone after seeing her there, so lost and scared. I didn't want to leave Dollet without searching everywhere for her, because if there was even a slim chance that she really was there, I didn't want to blow it.
It was Ellone that talked me out of doing exactly that. "It's your gift," she said as our train pulled out of the station. "You have a strong connection with those who have passed on. You'll be able to see them when most people can't."
"So your saying I see dead people?" I asked, not even attempting to hide my sarcasm.
"Precisely."
"Can I choose not to see them?"
"I don't think so," Elle said and her brow wrinkled as she thought about it. "You might be able to make them go away, but I don't think you can keep them from appearing."
It was some kind of cruel cosmic joke, Daddy. To see and hold Aida again, only to find out she was still dead, it broke my heart. To see her so lost without us, that nearly tore me to pieces. Seeing her had confused me so much, it had brought back so many feelings that I'd tried so hard to bury. I did cry then because I was angry and hurt that I would have to spend the rest of my life haunted by specters of those I loved and lost. It seemed so unfair that while everyone else would eventually forget, I would never be able to.
But, sometimes, things that appear to be a burden in the beginning are
really a blessing in disguise.
*****
The day of my inauguration ball, I woke early, as I'd promised Gabriel I'd have breakfast with him. Though I much preferred the comfort of his bed to my own, I'd spent the past week sleeping alone in Aida's room. I needed to be close to her, and I wanted to spend my free time with you, daddy. Though we didn't talk much, I cherished the silence we shared over a game of chess or Triple Triad. However, I don't remember you ever being at such a loss for words, and I guess it worried me a little. I kind of missed the sarcasm, the spirit and the fire I remembered from my childhood. Your silence was your way of mourning. I understand that now, daddy, even if I didn't then.
Gabriel picked me up on his motorcycle that morning, and we had a breakfast of eggs, toast and coffee at the hotel in town. The hotel restaurant was crowded, as the whole place had been booked for the event. From what I understand, they had to turn people away because they were full. We were lucky to even get a table. Afterwards, we walked down to the harbor, were every slip had been filled with a vessel of some kind or other.
The streets swarmed with people who gawked at what little there was to see, and people poured from the train station in droves. People from all walks of life, all from different places. Shumi Village, Esthar, Deling City . . . It was weird seeing my home town literally packed with people. It appeared as if the whole of Esthar had come, as well as most of Galbadia, and it was starting to make me a little nervous.
"Let's get out of here," I whispered to Gabriel.
He smiled a little and scratched his chin. "All these people are here to see you."
"I know," I mumbled. "Thank Hyne I talked Selphie out of a parade." Although we had all agreed there would be a procession in typical Sorceress style, I realized that it was a bit too risky. Over the years, several attempts had been made on Rinoa's life, even though she tried hard to remain anonymous. There was always the possibility that someone might attempt to assassinate me too, therefore we all agreed in the end that there wouldn't be a parade in my honor.
"Oh, they're still having the parade," he said with a chuckle. "You just won't be in it."
I rolled my eyes. "Let me guess. Selphie said it just wouldn't be right without one."
"Bingo," he said and smirked. "Before we leave, though, I want to check out the junk shop."
We pushed our way through the crowds to the junk shop, only to find it closed. "Sorry, kid," the owner mumbled as he locked the doors behind him. "We don't got much left. People been buyin' and buyin' for three days now. Never seen nothin' like it. Good for business, though the last thing this place needs is another freakin' sorceress."
"Hey, watch who you're talking to, buddy," Gabriel said. "The young lady with me is the Sorceress."
The man eyed me up and down, then flashed me a strange grin. "You're an Almasy, ain't ya?"
"Yes sir," I said, not afraid to show him that I was proud of my name.
"Hmph. Now I know the world is going to hell."
Gabriel looked as if he might hit the man right there on the crowded street, but I stopped him before it could come to blows. I stood between the two and crossed my arms. "Let's just go, Gabe."
His surprise was evident in his gawking stare. Gabriel had never expected me, of all people, to ask him to hold back If anything, I'd always pushed him to be more aggressive, and now that I wasn't encouraging it, he was confused. "Hunh," he said, looking thoughtful.
"What?" I asked as we walked away.
"It's nothing. Let's just get out of here."
*********NOTES**********
The end is near! I apologize if this seems terribly long, but this is a condensation of three shorter chapters that seemed to kind of....stick out by themselves. I deleted a lot of redundancies and randomness to make it a coherent and a kind of transitional chapter. This is the beginning of the end. I can't say how many chapters are left because I have a bit more editing to do on what is left. There are some things I may expand upon, and others that I may delete altogether as I see fit.
I also apologize for not updating in a while. Life was hectic with the holidays, and then I ended up with a case of the flu. Still feel pretty rough, but I think I'm through the worst of it, and I should be able to update a little more frequently now that I'm feeling better and now that the holiday hell is over with.
I'm considering adding a few side tales . . . things that happened in this story that weren't really covered such as what happened while Micala was being tortured, Gideon's final SeeD exam, etc. If I write it, it will be called The Devil's Playground:The Sidetales......
R/R, Flame me.....whatever....