We'd been on the edge of global disaster, and no one knew it. It was chilling, really. It could have turned out far worse than it did, but that didn't stop me from feeling disgust with myself for doing what had to be done.
You, daddy, I know you were disappointed in me, and I understood. If I'd been watching those monitors, I too would have been horrified. I was brutal, to say the least. Now that you know the whole of it, maybe now I can look at you and not see your disappointment in me. That's what I really want.
Gabriel destroyed the video tapes, and I'm glad he did. They showed a part of me that I want to leave behind, and a part of my life I wish to leave behind. No more will I be a girl with a sword and a bad temper. I don't know what Xu was thinking when she wanted to make me a commander, anyway. Eventually, I would have screwed up, thanks to my tendency to fly off the handle.
No, I've got more important things to worry about now.
Whatever, I spent most of the night working to rescue those who'd fallen or been injured. Maia, Gabriel, the Dincht kids, and the Tilmitts also helped as much as they could. We worked in silence, moving rubble, furniture and casting cure spells as often as needed. There were many injured, and I think the doctor was thankful for our help.
The last of the injured had been helped, finally and I was exhausted. The sun would come up soon, and I knew I'd probably pass out if I didn't get some sleep. It was funny, though. As exhausted as I was, I knew that as soon as I lay my head upon the pillow, I'd be wide awake. So instead of trudging up to my room I found you, Daddy, stole your smokes and your lighter, then went to the bar and found an unopened bottle of vodka in the freezer.
Then, I climbed up the rubble, not caring if anyone was able to see up my dress. I was far beyond being humiliated at something so silly, so I didn't bother trying to conceal anything as I climbed. I doubted anyone was looking anyhow, and anyone who was should have been focusing on something else. When I got to the top, I climbed out through the broken skylight and made my way precariously to the metal roof.
For the first time in a very long time, I watched the sun rise. It was the first time I'd really appreciated it, and it brought a little peace to my troubled mind. It was lovely, and it might have been nice to share it with someone, but I think I needed to be alone up there, and I was glad no one came looking for me.
What did I think about when I was up there? I don't remember. All I remember was the calm I felt as I sipped from the bottle and smoked cigarette after cigarette and I admired the beauty of the morning.
It was a long time before someone did break the quiet. It was Gabriel who came to me, carefully avoiding cracked panes of glass as he neared. He sat down at my side without speaking a word, and I passed him the bottle, which he gratefully accepted.
"Do you hate me now?" I asked after a prolonged silence.
"I could never hate you," he replied.
That was all we said to one another as we passed the bottle back and forth until it was empty. Finally, quite drunk and very exhausted, I climbed back down and headed to my dorm.
On the way, Squall stopped me. I could see in his eyes that he knew Gideon was dead. He didn't have to say anything, I just knew from the look on his face. It was the look of a man trying to hold himself together, but failing miserably. "Micala," he said as he pulled me aside, "Maia told me everything. Thanks . . . for trying to save him. If the three of you hadn't been there, who knows what would have happened?"
"Kaboom," I said and patted his arm. There was a kind of pride in his sorrow, and because of that, I don't regret lying to him. Squall believed that both of his sons were heroes, and he believed me a hero. I can only imagine how he might have felt if he knew the truth. But it was better that way, better for everyone, because it gave him the strength to go on, to function as a normal, albeit grieving, man.
Would you have taken that from him Daddy?
A few days later, after everything was made official, I sat in Dr. Skyzauski office, awaiting the results of my physical. Because I was now a sorceress, it was required that I have a physical every few months, for it seemed they could detect the development of evil based on the results. It didn't make much sense to me, though I remembered from my studies that the truly evil Sorceresses had developed rapidly, and several had been quite muscular after the change. Adel, for instance, had once been an average girl with an average build, but once the transformation had taken place, she stood at a towering eight feet tall and she was more muscular than any man I'd ever seen. I remembered those pictures as I sat there and shuddered. If that ever happened to me, I'd shoot myself.
Anyway, when Dr. Skyzauski sat before me looking grim, I knew something was wrong. "What is it? Am I going to try to take over the world or something?"
She smiled and shook her head. "No nothing that dramatic, but I wanted to ask you . . . when was the date of your last period?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "I've never been regular so I don't keep track of it . . . why?"
Mentally, I slapped myself. I knew the reason she was asking this question. It meant . . .
It meant . . . Holy Hyne!
"You're pregnant, Micala."
I stared back at her, not believing it to be the truth. "I'm what?"
"Micala," Squall said warmly as I entered his office a week later. "We were all worried about you. Please, have a seat."
I'd spent several days secluded in my dorm room, refusing to see anyone, for the news that I was expecting hit me hard. I wasn't upset about having a baby, no. It was just that the grief for all my lost friends and loved ones finally hit me and all I could do for days was cry. I wouldn't even see Gabriel, and I know it bothered him that I refused to open the door for him.
"I'm all right. I just needed some time alone," I said. "I didn't give myself time to grieve, you know?"
"And it hit you all at once?" he replied and sat back.
I nodded and contemplated putting my feet up on his desk, but I decided against it. Instead, I began to talk. "Sir, I'm resigning from SeeD."
He stared back at me over the desk, uncomprehending. "Can I ask why?"
"Because, I'm pregnant," I replied.
His face reddened in anger. "Micala, you're one of my best operatives.
This is something I'd expect of a junior SeeD, but not of you! How
could you be so stupid?!"
I started to cry, then. It was unlike me to bawl like a baby in front
of the commander, but I couldn't help it. He was right, of course.
My actions had been stupid, but . . . I wanted this more than anything.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, checking his anger. "It's just, unexpected. First Gabriel, and now you."
"What about Gabriel?" I asked, confused.
"He resigned two days ago."
This made me cry even harder. I blame it on pregnancy hormones.
"Micala, don't cry. I'm not angry with you," he said and he patted my hand. "Is the father from Garden?"
I nodded.
"Who? I'll make sure he takes full responsibility."
I smiled then. Had he forgotten the night I'd spent in Gabriel's bed? Perhaps so. "Gabriel."
"Gabe?" His voice was a whisper. "How . . .?"
"Do you really need a sex ed lesson, commander?" I asked.
He flushed and said, "No, of course not. Does Gabe know?"
"No sir," I replied. "I only just found out."
"He needs to know, Micala."
I hadn't told Gabriel yet because I was worried what his reaction might
be. I didn't know how he felt about me, really, for he'd said he
didn't hate me, but I wasn't sure he still loved me, either. "With
everything going on, I didn't want to be the bearer of more bad news, Sir."
"Bad news?" he asked softly. "Micala, you're not happy about this?"
The truth was, I wasn't sure how I felt. It was unexpected, and I'd
planned to wait a while before having kids, but that wasn't going to happen.
I felt like I was just a kid myself, really, and I knew this would change
everything. "I'm happy, I'm just not sure that I'm ready."
"Trust me, no one ever is," he replied with a laugh. "Now, go, tell Gabe."
"Where is he?"
"Uh, probably down on the docks with your father."
I smiled at this. Gabriel had left SeeD to become a fisherman? How funny was that? For some reason, I just couldn't picture him slinging nets full of shrimp for a living. "Thank you, Sir."
Indeed, the docks at Balamb Harbor is exactly where I found him, and you were ordering him around like a drill sergeant. I know you were purposely putting him through hell, and as mean as it was of you to do, I still found it a bit funny. "Move your ass, Leonhart! I've got no room in my crew for a wuss!"
"Take it easy on him, daddy," I said as I approached.
You embraced me in a fierce hug and spun me around like you used to do when I was a kid. I laughed as you set me down and I slapped you upside the head playfully. "That's the reason you can never keep people on your crew," I told him. "You yell at them like that and they quit after three days."
"Anyone who'd quit after three days ain't worth having," you replied with a grin and called out to Gabriel, "Ain't that right, Leonhart?"
"Yes sir!" he called back as he pried open a box with a crowbar.
"So, can I talk to your new recruit, or is that against the rules?" I asked.
"Is it important?"
"It is to me."
"We were going to take a break anyhow," you said and waived him over. "Hey Leonhart, I've got a new job for you."
Gabriel threw down the crowbar and approached, looking sweaty and tired. "Yes sir," he said.
"Go take a shower and take my daughter to lunch. I'll see you here tomorrow, five a.m, sharp," you said and stuffed a wad of gil into his pocket.
Gabriel gave you a mock salute, and then turned to me with a smile. "Hey," he said and he threw his arms around me. "I was starting to worry about you."
"I'm all right," I told him. "But I needed to talk to you about something. Mind if we walk?"
"Your dad told me to take you to lunch," he said.
"You can take me to lunch after you let me say what I need to say."
He shrugged and clasped my hand in his as we walked down the pier.
How to say it? How to tell him that he would soon be a father?
I, for once, hadn't thought that far ahead.
"Well, what is it?"
I glanced at him nervously and my hand went to my stomach. "How do you feel about being a daddy?"
Gabriel stopped in his tracks and stared at me. His expression was odd, kind of like a man who'd just been slapped in the face for no reason at all. I thought, for a moment, he was going to yell at me, but then his lips curved into a smile. "Are you sure?"
I nodded. "Pretty sure."
"Wow," he said softly and he continued to stare at me.
"Are you angry?"
He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I'm
happy."
Things have a way of working themselves out, you know. Despite
what we'd all been through, I suppose the news of another addition to our
family was enough to raise our spirits, and it felt like old times again,
even with some of us gone forever. I still saw those that had passed
on from time to time, for they visited me often, especially Aida, who had
become a kind of guardian.
The funny thing is, I saw those we loved, but never once did Gideon appear
before me. I wonder why, even now, but I don't think much about it.
I don't want to see him anyway.
Regardless, things did work out after a while and things got back to something close to normal, though I know everyone missed our loved ones as much as I did. But the thing is, it drew those of us who were left closer to one another. We were all we had left, and I think we valued each other a lot more because of it. Granted, it's a terrible way to discover new bonds, but I don't think the five of us would have felt so like family if none of it had happened.
Gabriel told everyone about the baby, even going so far as to announce it over the Garden PA system. I swear, I heard Delcie's shriek of joy all the way to the cafeteria at the news. She came running to my dorm room, where I was packing up my things with Irving and Syla in tow.
"So," Irving drawled as I let them into my room, "you've dissed me for Leonhart, have you?"
"We never would have worked out, Irvie," I told him.
Then, my friends all began to speak at once.
On the eve of my wedding some months later, I took you aside and we walked in silence down to the harbor. I helped you rig up the sails and tied them off, and soon, we were out on open waters with the wind blowing through our hair and an endless sky of stars above. I had no regrets about my life, save those about Gideon. I wasn't even worried that I was making a mistake in marrying Gabriel, for I knew that it was what was supposed to be.
"You remember how I used to make up stories to tell you kids before you went to sleep at night?" you asked.
I nodded and placed my hands on my ever expanding belly.
"You used to tell me stories, too. Remember the one about the
Ochu that attacked Balamb?"
"I'd forgotten that," I said and smiled. "My favorite was the one
you told about the snake that ate the toes of children who were bad.
Julian was afraid to do anything that might get him into trouble for months
after."
"Too bad it didn't work with you," you said. You paused then, and
then scrutinized me with that stare of yours. "What really happened
back there, Micala?"
I didn't want to answer this question, Daddy. It was complicated, and I'd just gotten my head on straight, and I knew it might bring back all the pain and anger we'd been through. "You really want to know?"
"Yes," you said.
"All right," I said. "But I talk, and you listen. No questions, just listen."
"Agreed," you said.
"It's not pretty, but I'll tell you everything if you really want to
know . . . ."
****Notes****
Whew.....I'm not happy with this chapter, but it's done, and that's that. So...what's left? The epilogue? That's it, then, Fini.
I've posted a few chapters to a story called, "Take A Look At Me Now" that is sort of a prequel to this, and I'm very happy with it so far.....If you're interested, please read and review. It's a different kind of story, but I think some of you might enjoy it.
Review, CC....you know what to do.