An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage
Part 2—RondoOoooo, didja notice? I'm naming chapters after song formats. Neat, eh? Really getting into this piano theme, I am. By the way, a 'minuet' is a short piece played repetitively that actually started a popular dance craze back in the days of Mozart and powdered wigs. So it was a good title for a chapter that mostly consisted of two people 'dancing' around each other trying to get each other to understand their points of view. A 'rondo,' on the other hand, is a piece with a strict structure—the knowledge of which has nothing to do with the creation of music in and of itself. In other words, knowing that it goes ABACADA is a technical thing that isn't music—but that has to do with the background of music. Hee…you'll see why that's appropriate momentarily.
The scene is KidK's bedroom on a lovely late spring afternoon that would be perfect for going outside and enjoying the grass and trees and sky. Too bad our friends are staying in today. ^_^ And have been staying in every day for almost a week. Well, nobody ever said learning how to read music was something one could learn in an hour. A certain Irken Invader didn't realize this fact when he insisted he wanted piano lessons, however. Screamy Zim is always comedy, as is Angry Nun. So laugh, gods beep it!
Zim: Okay, okay, I get it, I get it! (he does a great deal of agitated pointing at a music book) If the oval is on this line that means E, but it also means E if it's between these two lines, or between these two up here, or on either of these lines that have been added in down at the bottom and up at the top to extend the…um…octave.
KidK (teacher voice): And what does it look like if the composer puts in E's that're lower or higher than those two?
Zim: There are…dotted lines below or above the stave marked at the beginning of the system by either '8' for an octave higher or '8va' for one lower.
KidK: Yay! Okay, quiz time. (she points to a symbol amidst all the curly bits of music on the page) What's this dot mean?
Zim: That…is a staccato, meaning that the note is very short, though…it still has the same value in the meter as always. (resentfully) Think we could actually go sit at the piano and play something now?
KidK: Noooooo…^_^ First ya gotta tell me what this dot means.
Zim (with no feeling whatsoever): It indicates a 'quarter-half' note, which has the metric value of one-fourth the measure plus another eighth, for a total of three-eighths.
KidK: And so what happens when you put that kinda dot next to an eighth note?
Zim: It's worth an eighth plus a sixteenth, or three-sixteenths…this is pointless! What does the ability to add fractions have to do with songs?
KidK: Music is math in sound form. You can't have music without rhythm, and you can't have rhythm without being able to count out beats. And really, every note is just the plucking of a wavelength, which is a mathematically explainable phenomenon.
Zim: So, in essence, all you are doing when you push the piano…'keys,' is to hit different wavelengths of sound at once in nice combinations. This is not an art, but a science?
KidK: It's both. Just like dancing is an art and a sport and pottery is an art and a way to make lovely storage containers. Hmmm…I wonder where that came from? I hate math. Eh, must be all this time I'm spending with you, Mister Science Whiz. Now, back to the task at hand—soooo…what's this?
Zim: A grace note.
KidK: And this?
Zim: A crescendo.
KidK: And this?
Zim: A fermata. I know all this stuff now!
KidK: Yep, you sure do. That's why I'm gonna actually let you play today.
Zim (not paying attention): We've been going over these same things again and again and again! When will you finally allow me to—O.O……..I can play today?
KidK: Sure, why not? You know what all the notes look like written down now, so it's time to learn what they look and sound like on the keyboard.
Zim: And I can play?
KidK: Yes. ^_^
Zim: I can play 'Passionate Impromptu?'
KidK: Wellllllll…no.
Zim: ¬_¬…………
KidK: But you're getting closer! I taught you how to read music, but you still need to be able to work your fingers right to be able to translate the written form into the auditory form.
Zim: Hmph…stupid piano…why did it look so easy when you did it?
KidK: Because I've had eleven years of lessons, Zim. Eleven years. You haven't even had eleven days yet. But you shouldn't be angry—you should be very proud! I don't think the average person has the faintest about what a sforzando is…
Zim: A note or phrase played with the fullest force.
KidK: …by the end of a week, and you do!
Zim: That is because you've drilled facts like that into my head.
KidK: That's because, my dear student, you have a smart head for having things drilled into. Come on, let's go sit at the piano now.
They get up off KidK's bed and gather together the music books to carry them out to the livingroom. They are greeted by happy words.
Mike-the-Brother (slouched in the armchair): Oh, you're gonna play now? That's just great. I guess you'll want me to move now.
KidK: Yes. Please? You have better game-playing light in your room anyhow…and don't you have History outlines to do?
Mike-the-Brother: It's Friday. I have the whole weekend left to do my homework!
Zim (pointing and glaring): Do not argue with KidK! Begone! We have important work to do!
Mike-the-Brother (getting up veeeeery slowly): Okay…fine…fff…not like I wanna be around to hear you stink up the place, Zim. (he starts walking away down the hall) Zim plays the piano…ha!
Zim (shaking his fist after Mike): I'd like to see you define 'ritardando' some time, Mike-beast! Except that you can't! Because you know nothing!
Mike-the-Brother (calling from far away): Ha! 'Ritardando'…you said 'retard!' Ahahahahaha!
Zim: ………shut up!
KidK: Ignore him. You're right—he knows nothing. Now…let's start. Where's that scale and cadence book…ah, here. (she sets said book up on the ledge and sits down) These things'll not only strengthen your hands, they'll teach you more about the different keys pieces of music can be in.
Zim (using his mechs to get up on the bench): 'Keys' as in 'key signatures,' yes?
KidK: Right. Meaning what sharps and flats the song has—
Zim: All the way through unless noted otherwise.
KidK (laughing): Right. I have taught you well, my pupil. Each key has its own assigned scale, which is an ascending series of notes containing the sharps and flats that'll be present in songs of that key. It's like an out-loud version of the written key signature printed at the beginning of each line of music. For example, the key of G has only one sharp—F sharp. So its scale goes from G to G and has an F sharp in it. Like this. (she races the fingers of both her hands up and down the keys in a G Major scale) See?
Zim: O.O
KidK: And as you go around the 'Circle of Fifths,' the keys gather more and more sharps or, if you go around the other way, flats. So F Sharp Major—the key 'Passionate Impromptu' is in—has six sharps and goes like this. (again with the very fast two-octave scale) I'll tell you more about the fifths in a minute. I think we can start off with a simple C Major scale, cuz that doesn't involve any black keys. You just put your hands like so, and—what're you staring at?
Zim: O.O
KidK: What?
Zim: ……………how did you do that? You call that basic? Such a beautiful sound—simple?
KidK: Again with the 'beautiful,' huh? Methinks you are muy susceptible to piano music, mi amigo. ^_^ At least now I know you won't be bored with scales.
Zim: Bored? Never! Show me how to do that…(he gestures)…up-and-down…'scale'…thingy.
KidK: Okee dokee. Well, I remember the first thing my piano teacher did to help me learn which fingers should hit which keys—that's called 'fingering,' don'tcha know—was to assign each of my fingers a number. (she holds her hands out over the keys, fingers spread wide) The numbers go outward from the thumbs, so…(starting with her thumbs, she lowers each pair of fingers in turn, without touching anything but air) One, two, three, four, five.
Zim (holding his own hands out to imitate her): Thumbs first…one, two, three…o_ô…what's this 'four, five' business?
KidK (not really paying attention): Cuz each finger gets a number and there's five on each hand?
Zim: Five?
KidK: Now, I'll show you the scale with your right hand only first, since you're right-handed and it'll be easier. You start with your thumb, and—yes, what?
Zim: Five? You said five fingers? Now, please don't take this the wrong way, KidK, you know I love you, but did you learn to count from that King Arthur human in 'Holy Grail'? (he thrusts his palms toward her face) There are three fingers on a hand, not five.
KidK (holding out her hands to show him): Um, no, there's five. (she notices something for the very first time) At least…I've got…O.O…..
Zim (staring at her hands): O.o……………..
For the next couple of minutes, there is much confuse-ed-ness and wide-eyed examination of each other's hands.
KidK: I never…never really…well, I must've noticed, obviously, but I never gave it a second thought.
Zim: Me either…surely at some point I must've made note of the vast differences between Irken and human physiologies and I'm pretty sure I remember laughing over the monkeys' extra unnecessary appendages, but with you…
KidK: Always present but never seen, right?
Zim: I suppose we're so used to each other that we don't need to mention such things. (he shrugs) Well, no matter. I won't hold the shortcomings of your species against you, so long as you don't begrudge me my species' advanced-ness.
KidK: Pardon me, but who has more fingers here? Oh, don't look at me like that. I kid, I kid. But this isn't a joking matter with regard to your plan. (she frowns at the keyboard) It's a major problem, actually.
Zim: Why? Surely with less fingers to get tangled up with, playing the piano will be even easier for me than originally estimated.
KidK: Er, no. At first, maybe, since the beginners' books are mostly one-finger-at-a-time little tunes, but after a certain point…let me put it this way. The songs were composed by humans for other humans to perform, right?
Zim: Right.
KidK: And humans have ten fingers, rather than six, right?
Zim: Yes, yes, and?
KidK: So…to play something like 'Passionate Impromptu,' for example, you actually need ten fingers.
Zim: Oh. (he thinks for about ten seconds and then grins diabolically) Or you could need six very fast fingers?
KidK (flatly): Not if you want to play a three-note chord in the bass clef and a three-note chord plus a melody note in the treble clef at the same time. Besides, the fingering annotations are written with fours and fives all over the place that won't help you any.
Zim: o_ô Are you saying that my hands are inferior in some way?
KidK (softening): No. Of course not. (she takes one of his hands in her own and squeezes it gently) My Zimmy's hands are perfect. ^_^ It's just…(quite sadly) I'm not sure if I can teach you now…because all the books are wrong…
Zim: O.O Don't cry. I mean it—don't. Your pain gives me pain, both figuratively and literally. (he removes his hand from her grasp and assumes a thoughtful pose) Hmmm…this problem is in desperate need of an amazing solution…(if this were a Bugs Bunny cartoon, a little lightbulb would appear over his head right…now!) Ah! As usual, I have it! Fear not, KidK, the plan will not suffer because of this…very minor setback!
KidK (brightening): Really? Great! So what's the answer?
Zim (grinning up at her): You will see…eventually. It'll be a surprise. The best news for you is that you only need to teach me one more thing yourself—the rest I will teach to myself.
KidK: Oh? Well, if you're certain…(thinking) Well, looks like you're off the hook for this one, my girl…didn't think I could teach him properly anyway…he's too…fast. Heh…when he's through teaching himself he just might teach me a thing or two. So, what's this last bit o' knowledge you need from me?
Zim: Simple. I know what all the notes are called and how they are written, so all you need do is show me which notes correspond with which keys on the piano. For example, you have taught me that Middle C is written on the first auxiliary line below the treble staff, but what does it sound like?
KidK (pressing Middle C with her right thumb): Like this. And this one (she strikes the next white key with her index finger) is D.
Zim: Which would make the black key between the two C Sharp or D Flat. And they simply continue upward through the alphabet to G and then start over with A. So the C note written between the third and fourth treble lines is…(he counts the keys and pushes one)…this, correct? Oh, I see. All the white keys that are just to the left of the set of two blacks are C's. (he turns to KidK for confirmation) That's right, right?
KidK: Yes…
Zim: Ha! Once again the mighty Zim proves his incredible genius! All you need to know is where Middle C is, and all the other keys fall right into place like Turanist fighter ships out of the sky! Wahahahahahaaaaa!
KidK (interrupting the 'moment'): Heyyyy, that's the second time I've heard an Irken use the phrase 'like a Turanist fighter ship' in a derogatory way. Are the Turanists very bad pilots or something?
Zim: They…muhahaha…were…they aren't anymore, if you catch my meaning. Thank you, KidK, for telling me all the secrets of this instrument—I feel certain I now hold the key to mastering it, and thus mastering this dirt rock of a planet.
KidK: Heh…'the key'…nice pun.
Zim: Pun?
KidK: Yeah, get it? 'Key' as in 'solution,' but also 'key' as in 'piano key.'
Zim: Ohhhhhh…heh…I am very funny. Ahem. Well, I must continue with my learning. (he narrows his eyes at the piano and waves her away) You may go and do whatever you like. Just leave the books…I will need them.
KidK: You're absolutely sure you don't want me here with you?
Zim (looking sideways at her): You know I want you with me. Only you said yourself that music requires one's complete concentration. Your presence…(he falls silent, blushing a bit)
KidK: ^_^ I get it. I'm distracting. Aw, that's sweet. ……..hugs! (she pulls Zim close) ^.^
Zim: You…are spending far too much time with Tallest Red.
KidK: I know. ^_^ So…(she slides off the piano bench and stands up) I'll be in the den reading 'Scions of Shannara' and listening to music on Phyllis if you need me, okay?
Zim: Okay. Oh, first could you please go tell the Mike-pig that he ventures into this room on penalty of fiery doom?
KidK: With pleasure. And when Mom comes home from Pathmark I'll tell her to be quiet for you.
Zim: Thank you.
KidK (heading down the hall to Mike's room): See you later, Zimmy. Good luck!
She exits to go inform Mike of the certain danger he will face should he decide to pester Zim, and Zim cackles fiendishly at the unsuspecting piano.
Zim (talking to himself—he does that): Not enough fingers to play both clefs at once, eh? Well…heheheh…we'll just see about that. Now…to work on these scales…my victory is imminent!
With that, Zim raises his hands above the keyboard, fixes the music book with a death glare, and begins to play. Well…'play' may be too strong a word. At least, at first anyway. For several minutes the noise that fills the house sounds more like someone is beating the piano to death rather than trying to extract music from it. Every other note is sour, and when a split-second later the mistake is corrected, the proper note is pounded with even greater force as the Irken takes out his frustration on the instrument. After a little while of repeating the same set of scales over and over again, however, said scales become more steady, and fewer and fewer mistakes are made. Within an hour, Zim's fingers are running up and down the keys almost as quickly as KidK's. Still, there is a very distinct sound to the notes that makes the scales sound…different. Not bad, but…well, you'll see soon enough what's going on. It's going to be a surprise for KidK, so why not for you too? By the way, it's actually quite an achievement to be able to play a C Sharp Minor scale within such a short time of actually knowing what a scale even is. However, despite this amazing progress, it will soon become apparent that Zim has picked up more from KidK than musical knowledge. He's about to have a friend drop in on him. Heehee…
Gir (falling from the ceiling inexplicably): Geronimooooooo! (he lands with a soft thud in Sammi's bed)
Zim (all six fingers slamming down on the keyboard): Geh! (he snaps his head around to stare at Gir) O.O………….
Gir (giggling uncontrollably as he pulls himself out): Master! Eeheehee…you're never gonna b'lieve this…wheeeeeeheeheeee!
Zim: ………………………….
Gir: Ah was sleepin' with sis in Mommy's room an' then…heeheeheeeeeeeee…I waked up an' I was on da ceilin'! An' I looked-ded down, an'…Master…*snort*…(he jumps up on the bench and gets in Zim's face)…your head looks reeeeeeeally funny from up there! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeheeheehee!
Zim: …………how much did you hear, Gir? (he grabs the robot by the shoulders and shakes him) How much?!
Gir: Wheeeeeee! Wiggle wiggle!
Zim: Just answer me!
Gir: Um…I heared some purdy sounds from da pee-nanner!
Zim (sighing with relief): Oh. That's good. You didn't hear any of my mis—
Gir (as pensively as Gir can get): Weeeell…not all th' sounds were purdy…'m thinkin' that's why I waked up.
Zim: ……………noooooooooooooo!
KidK's Mom (coming up the stairs with groceries): What in the world are you screaming about, Zim?
Zim (pointing at Gir with horror): He was listening to me!
KidK's Mom (pausing before entering the kitchen): o.ô So? So was I, when I first came in. Maybe you made a few mistakes, but it's nothing to get all worked up abou—
Zim: Nothing? Nothing?! (he leaps off the bench and runs over to KidK's Mom, waving a finger at her) An Invader must never make errors! Now I'm going to have to erase your memory, mother-human, so you—
KidK's Dad (slamming the front door behind him): Hi! Hey, LuAnn, was someone playing the piano? The window was open and I thought I heard it.
Zim (eye twitch): ……………aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (he takes off like a shot down the stairs, streaking past KidK's Dad, who is, as usual, totally in the dark)
KidK's Dad: What? Did I say something wrong?
Meanwhile, downstairs in the den…
KidK (singing under her breath as she reads): …hooked on love, I never ever felt like this be—hey, hey, now, that's not nice. Stupid snake, bitin' mah homey Walker…'course, leave it up to my favorite character to get mortally wounded right at the end of the boo—O.O
Zim (entering at high speed and making for the elevator): Aaaaaaaaaaah!
KidK executes a dangerous move that shouldn't be tried by anyone who isn't a trained swivel-chair athlete: she kicks away from her desk and rolls across the room, turning the chair to face Zim and block his path. He stops just short of running headlong into her legs.
KidK: Whoa, hey! What's wrong, Zimmy?
Zim (pointing at the stairwell): Them! They all heard…humiliation…oh, the disgrace of it all!
KidK: Let me guess—Mom disregarded my instructions not to disturb you.
Zim: Yes! Exactly! They distracted me—that's why I messed up the notes!
KidK: Oh dear…the dreaded mistakes, eh? Here…(she slides off the swivel chair and sits cross-legged on the floor) Now, tell me what happened. Well, first take a deep breath and stop yelling.
Zim (sitting down too, facing her): I…I was just doing the scales, since you said they were the first things I should defeat. (he calms down considerably) They aren't very difficult, by the way.
KidK: No, not for a prodigy like you. ^_^ So, making any headway on them?
Zim: Yes, I can now play every one in the book. And there can be no others, since there are no more notes for them to begin on.
KidK: O.o….my gods, Zim, you are a genius. All of them? Really? I still have trouble with some of the weird minor ones.
Zim (carefully): Then you understand that, when I was first beginning, I may not have been as…utterly perfect at them as I am now?
KidK: What? Oh, of course. If anyone could just play every note right from the start, then everybody would be piano masters.
Zim: But this isn't so, is it? For the plan to succeed, I must be the most amazing pianist in the world and hypnotize all the humans into serving me!
KidK (bemused): No, I don't think I've ever heard of anyone else being able to do anything like that. And about not being perfect—you just need practice. Like I said before, you can't expect to be playing the most difficult stuff after only an hour at the keyboard. You've gotta work your way up to it and learn all the tricks through the easy stuff, so by the time you get to stuff like Mussorgsky it's all second nature to you. And don't be scared of mistakes—they let you know what techniques and parts of songs need more practice, and practice makes you play even better.
Zim: So the mistakes are not bad…hmmmm…well, perhaps if you're the only one who hears them. If anyone else does…*shudder*
KidK: Hmmm…this is quite interesting—we seem to have the same psychological trauma, you and I. Neither of us can stand it when other people hear us foul up notes.
Zim: It's because I know I can do it right! They have no business coming in and hearing me make one mistake when I have just finished playing the same thing flawlessly several times over!
KidK: You know…I never thought of it that way. Maybe that's what my problem is, too. Like…I've played all these songs before in the past and played them well—well enough, even, to win awards—so it's embarrassing to think that I can't do them good anymore. Two perfectionist peas in a pod—that's us.
Zim: No…we're not exactly the same…your problem is far worse than mine if you keep saying you can't play well. You…huh, how to say it…are my model—you could already hypnotize the world if you so chose. I know I can be good, but you…are good. My goal in this is to be your equal, for if I can achieve this level of skill there is no higher pinnacle to reach.
KidK: ………………..oh yeah, we're both crazy, all right. I think I stink, and you think my stinkyness is perfection. Sometime you should listen to a real professional play, so you don't set your standards so low. I have a feeling that at the rate you're going you're gonna to be at (air quotes) 'my level' very shortly, and I don't want you to stop there when you could go so much farther. Here's a thought—let's both overcome our craziness.
Zim: Zim is not crazy. u.u
KidK: We'll both practice real big and hard, and not stop until we're both as good as we can be—which in your case will be very, very good. And then…how were you going to go about mesmerizing mankind once you're ready, anyway?
Zim: The skool's Year-End Concert is coming up. Those who attend will be the first to fall before my virtuoso might. Once the filthy beasts of this town are under my control, I will command them to speak my praises to all those they know, that these others will demand to hear me play for themselves. (building up momentum) There will be more and more concerts, bigger and bigger crowds, until the whole world is convinced of my superiority and I am crowned ruler!
KidK: Hmmm…the Year-End Concert…any chance of you introducing me as your partner and letting me play a song too?
Zim: You…want to play? There will be people there—you do know that, don't you?
KidK: Yes. That's my end of the bargain. You promise not to limit yourself to only getting as good as me, and I promise to get over my fear of crowds and play with you at the Concert.
Zim: But if you play…well, you can't play first. Apart from that I would of course be honored to accommodate your request. u.u It's the least I can do for my teacher.
KidK: Then we have a deal? We're gonna hafta work extra hard if we're gonna be ready for the Concert…it's only a couple weeks away.
Zim: O.O You're right! There is so much to do before then! And…and I can't even practice for half the day! And when I can practice there will be…people!
KidK: Okay, I thought we were getting over that phobia.
Zim: By the time of the Concert I will be as skilled as I must be to perform for others…but not yet! And if I practice out in the open, someone may learn of my…no, this won't work. Too many preparations must be made that none can know about until the appointed time. I need…I need to make some orders from Callnowia.
KidK: Callnowia?
Zim: Mail-order Equipment Planet.
KidK: Oh. Heheh…'Callnowia'…
Zim: Yes…soon I will have my very own piano that I may play in solitude, with nothing standing between me and the music but lines and squiggles on a page…
KidK: Oooo, you're gonna have a secret subterranean musical lair where you perform beautiful songs that no one can hear but you…(she is on a roll, here)…because you're misunderstood and you want nothing more than to shut yourself away from the world that has tormented you for your unchangeable differences?
Zim: o.ô…………..what?
KidK: Nothing, nothing, sorry. Forget I said that. Last book I read was 'Phantom.'
Zim: Uh…huh. (he stands up and strikes a heroic pose) And now I must go set this new phase of the plan in motion!
KidK: Hooray for Zim plans! (she gets up on her knees to give him a hug, then stands up completely) Have fun working on all that evil! (slyly) Incidentally…since I'm really in on this plan now and all…what's your solution to the 'not enough fingers problem,' again?
Zim: u.u It is ingeniously simple, really. You said that it would be impossible for me to play both clefs at once. You didn't say it would be impossible for me to play…u.o…hey! I'm not telling you that yet!
KidK: Heehee…you will, though. (all ghostly-like) Yooouuu willlll…
Zim: o.ô I'm going down, then. (he walks over to the elevator platform)
KidK (waving): Bye!
Zim: Be sure to come get me for dinner, if you would.
KidK: Sure!
Zim (as the elevator descends): Oh…and when the giant space-rocks crash into your front lawn, don't worry or do anything—those'll be for me! Mwahahahahahaaaaaa!
KidK: o.o………………………(she sits and stares blankly for several seconds, then abruptly smacks herself in the forehead) D'oh! KidK, how stupid are you? You just got out of making a fool of yourself trying to teach Zim—who may in fact be one of the greatest pianists on the planet in the making—how to play, and now you're gonna hafta make a fool of yourself trying to play for yourself in front of a crowd of…people! Why, why, why do I say things like that?!
KidK's Dad (yelling down the stairs): Why are you saying anything if you're the only one down there?! Stop talking to yourself like a mental patient! (note: this is not an insult, really. Daddy knows I know he doesn't mean it. We are good pals. ^_^)
KidK (yelling back): Okee dokee, Dad, I now see the error of my ways! (thinking) But why would I make that kind of a deal? This is gonna be horrible! Yeesh…Zim says I distract him…well, he must really be distracting me from reality with all those unfounded, hyperbolic, unnecessary…sweet…aargh! Well, there's no getting out of it now—he'd be disappointed, and I can't have that—for some reason. No, can't let Zim down…I know! I know why I get myself into these things! It's because I'm a happy little thing whose only aim in life is to make everybody else as happy as me! (forgetting to keep her voice to herself) I'm a doormat! Hooray!
Upstairs…
KidK's Dad: Honey, Missy's talking to herself again…
KidK's Mom (calling from the kitchen): She's not talking to herself, she's talking to her head-voices!
KidK's Dad (going back to his paper): Oh…well that's okay then.
Is It Okay? Will Anything Ever Be Okay Again After Zim Is Through With His Piano Performance Of Doom? And What Is His Secret To Playing With Only Six Fingers? I Am Not Telling You That Yet! Bwahahahahaaaaa!