WWE Spring Break in Cancun
Chapter 6
Dude . . . Where's My Whiteout?
Day 3
Disclaimer- Same old, same old.
While all the other stuff with The Rock was going on, RVD was having some issues of his own. He sat on his bed and pulled out a bottle of white out, and unscrewed the cap. He put it up to his nose and um, sniffed, a lot. (A/N- Yeah, white out that's what we said! We're just sick of people making him get high off of the normal (weed, etc.) stuff so, white out it is. We're not normal, you've been warned.)
"Ah, finally. I thought I'd never find it. Mhmmmmmmm . . . smells so good . . . yeah. Heh, heh . . . yeah." RVD said sniffing more violently. "Betta go check my stash . . . heh . . . yeah." Now high, he walked over to the bureau draw and opened it. "WHAT THE F*CK? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY STASH! WHERE DID IT GO?" Rob yelled, getting red and shaky. "I only have one more bottle left! Might as well not let it go to waste." He picked up the last bottle of white out, his hands shaking in shock and fury. He opened it, but lost his grip on it and the bottle went flying.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" RVD yelped, near tears.
*Meanwhile*
The last time we left Matt, he had run off the beach screaming. Now he had run all the way back to the hotel lobby when he bumped into Stacy Keibler, Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson, Molly Holly, and Stephanie McMahon. He was now more frightened than ever.
"Um, sorry, I uh wasn't looking were I was going. I'm gonna lea-" Matt apologized, attempting to leave.
"Nonsense, it really was our fault, wasn't it ladies?" Stacy asked, pulling Matt back as the rest of the divas nodded.
"We're very sorry. How can we make it up to you?" Torrie said, licking her lips.
"Oh lord. I gotta go, NOW." Matt once again tried to leave but Stacy and Trish held him back.
"What's the matter? Is something bothering you? Is it your brother?
I can help get him out of your hair." Trish offered, grinning evilly.
"Someone, help. Please." Matt whimpered.
"Come on Mattie, let's all go sit and talk on that couch over there!"
Stephanie said her voice squeaky as she grabbed his arm.
*The Couch Area in the Hotel Lobby*
"So Matt, do you hiccup, like beer? I have . . . hiccup . . . found it tastes excellent! Who would've . . . *hiccup* . . . thought?" Molly said enthusiastically holding up a beer bottle that she now carries everywhere with her.
"Um, ah . . ." Matt stuttered. "Where the hell is Jeff when you need him? Or that damn Hurricane guy!" He mumbled under his breath.
"Matt, I've had my eye on you for a long time. I'll give you everything you need! And I've got LEGS!" Stacy exclaimed, holding up a long leg in front of his face. Matt gulped, and tried to push her leg out of his way.
"Well I like him too! So back off! And I have huge tits! So ha, you're scrawny little legs can't compete with these!" Torrie said, pointing to her chest.
"Hey wait! I have big tits too! You best back up bitch!" Trish warned, getting up along with Stacy and Torrie.
"OH Gawd my eyes! I think I'm going blind! Why the hell are they so bright?" Matt asked, indicating the diva's sunburns. He shaded his eyes from the terrible light they were giving off.
"Well they were stupid enough to sit around all day in the sun without sunscreen, and got sunburns. But, I being the smart one am sunburn free!" Steph informed him, looking proud, then moving closer to Matt on the couch.
"Okay, now I'm going blind and deaf." Matt said covering his ears to block out Stephanie's talking.
"Gee, I always thought Trish liked Jeff. It's . . . *hiccup* . . . kinda odd how she's . . . *hiccup* . . . fighting for you." Molly observed, indicating the cat fight that had broken out in front of them between Trish, Torrie, and Stacy.
"OH YEAH! I forgot about that! Heh, my bad!" Trish remembered, and slapped her forehead. She left Torrie and Stacy to battle it out.
"How bout we just leave right now and go up to my room for some well overdue fun?" Steph suggested, tugging on Matt's arm.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," was Matt's reply.
"I'll take that as a maybe."
All of a sudden they here a big commotion in the semi-quiet lobby, and a male voice yelling about something. They see someone rush past, then backtrack and stand in front of the group sitting on the couch, and Torrie and Stacy on the floor fighting it out.
"HAVE YOU SEEN MY STASH?" RVD asked, shaking from head to toe.
"Huh?" Matt asked, completely clueless to what he was talking about.
"SOMEONE STOLE MY STASH! IT'S GONE! ALL GONE! I NEED TO GET IT BACK! LOOK AT ME I'M SHAKING!"
"What did you stash consist of? Money? Um, drugs?" Matt questioned, getting up to stand with RVD, which caused Stephanie to fall to the ground, since she had positioned herself on his lap.
"NO! WHITE OUT! I NEEEEEEEEEEED MY WHITE OUT! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!" RVD yelled, grabbing Matt's shirt collar and shaking him a bit.
"Calm down RVD! I'll help you find the person who took it. But right
now um, let's go to the store and get you some replacements, okay?"
"K-k-kay." Rob agreed, now beginning to twitch.
"I WON! I WON! I GET MATTIE! HE'S ALL MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Stacy proclaimed after she had knocked Torrie over the head with a heavy flower pot, causing her to loose consciousness. Torrie at the moment was on the floor unconscious and drooling, unable to respond.
"OKAY, let's go NOW!" Matt and RVD attempted to make a quick exit but Stacy soon latched herself onto Matt's arm. "Just Rob and I are going, not you. Please leave me alone!" Matt pleaded, almost shaking as bad as Rob.
"No way. I'm gonna follow you everywhere till you go out with me!" Stacy squealed, holding onto him tighter and started to skip as they exited the hotel.
"LET'S GO NOW! I DON'T CARE IF SHE COMES! I NEED WHITE OUT!" RVD screamed, twitching furiously, and running towards the parking lot to his rental.
"WHY ME? WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY? Matt shouted, as Stacy pulled him into the back seat. "Um, RVD, should you really be driving?"
"WHY NOT? I GOTTA GET TO THE STORE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" RVD answered, starting up the car and speeding off to the local store.
*Meanwhile*
*At a Toy Store*
"YAY! I got the last Jeff Hardy action figure! It's my birthday, it's my birthday, oh yeah, oh yeah!" Jeff said excitedly, doing a little dance.
"WAZUPWITDAT?!" Hurricane yelled, looking at the selection of WWE action figures.
"WHAT?" Jeff asked, confused.
"Well Citizen Jeff, it seems that there isn't a Hurricane action figure! This is terrible; every great superhero has their own action figure! I can't believe this! What am I going to do?" Hurricane exclaimed, being highly overdramatic.
"Um, how bout you buy a different one? Look how many there are. There's The Rock, Y2J, Chris Benoit, Kane, Stephanie McSlutt, I mean McMahon, oh, and look there is one of Matt and Lita!" Jeff
stated, naming a few of the hundreds of action figures.
"Hmmmmm . . . well they are going to be my new sidekicks." Hurricane pondered, scratching his chin. "I suppose I'll get them." He agreed, grabbing the box holding the tag team of Matt and Lita in it.
"YAY, now we'll have all of Team Xtreme! Besides, it is the last one. Hey, why don't we get a bunch! Then we can have a ton of matches that we've always wanted to happen!" Jeff suggested, grabbing a wrestling ring, and a few more action figures.
"Excellent idea Citizen Jeff." Hurricane said, also grabbing more action figures.
"Um, Hurricane? Earlier you said that Matt and Lita were going to be your sidekicks' right?" Jeff asked, wondering the aisles of the toy store.
"That's correct good citizen. Continue." Hurricane replied, pushing the cart that was now filled with just about every action figure the store had.
"Weeeelllll, I was wondering is maybe, just maybe, I could be your sidekick too? You would have all Team Xtreme on your side!" Jeff exclaimed optimistically.
"You bring up an excellent point Citizen Jeff. With all of Team Xtreme as my allies, evil doers won't stand a chance!"
"Holy Sh*t!!! Look over there!" Jeff yelled, pointing to the Barbie section.
Hurricane looked where Jeff is pointing and he let go of the cart and it went flying into a display. Too his horror Hurricane sees Billy and Chuck playing with Barbie's. "WAZUPWITDAT?!"
A loud flush came from the men's restroom nearby, and The Big show walks out and groans. "Hey guys where's Ken?! He's late for the wedding." Big Show said, picking up a Barbie dressed in a wedding gown, and proceeding to join Billy and Chuck.
Jeff grabbed the cart and throws about four $20's at the cashier. "Keep the change!" He yelled hastily, and noticed, that Hurricane is already at the car.
Jeff put the stuff in the trunk and jumps through the open window. "Go, go, go!" Hurricane speeds off in the car.
(A/N- Hurricane got into a car . . . wait a minute . . . they came in the Hurri-cycle . . . and left in a stolen car . . . Hmmmmmmmm . . . oh, and Hurricane like sprained his arm and leg right? Oh well)
Realizing they made a mistake, they got out and got in the Hurri- cycle and sped off, not giving a damn about the speed limit, due to the fact that Billy, Chuck and Big Show had come out of the toy store with Barbie's in hand, inviting Hurricane and Jeff to play with them. (A/N- Come on, wouldn't you try to get the hell out of there as fast as you could if you got an invitation to 'play' with Billy, Chuck and Big Show?)
*Meanwhile*
"WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!!!!!!!!!" RVD roared, twitching REALLY badly.
"Dude, just breathe, okay? In and out, in and out." Matt he said from the back seat as he tried to pry Stacy off him. In turn, Rob began to hyperventilate. "I didn't mean like that, Rob! Stacy, please leave me alone! I'm not your damn snuggle bunny AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Matt yelled, and he too started to twitch.
"I love you SO much, Mattie! You're ALL mine! You're my snuggle bunny! You're my Muppet muffin! We're going to be together FOREVER!" Stacy exclaimed, holding him so tight Matt could barely breathe.
"Someone help! Save me! Anyone? Anyone? I'm gonna die! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Matt said, near tears, yet again. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, RVD arrives at the store. He sprints into the store and runs to the cash register.
"GIVE ME WHIIIITE OUT!!!"
"Ummmm ok..." The Cashier replied, although somewhat confused, he complies and hands RVD a bottle of white out.
"MORE!" And with that the Cashier gives Rob Van Dam another bottle.
"MOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!" And so the Cashier gives him a box of whiteout.
"Thank you" RVD walks away, walks out the door gets into the car and starts sniffing.
"Sir, SIR! You have to pay for that!!!" The Cashier called, looking rather pissed off. "THAT"S IT!!!" The Cashier jumps over counter, runs up to the car, pulls RVD out, and punches him in the face.
The Cashier is abruptly knocked out of his day dream by Stacy declaring her love to Matt then chasing after his fleeing figure.
(A/N- here's what really happens)
Cashier walks up to RVD, attempting to remain calm. "Sir, you have to pay for that . . . you will pay for that."
"Oh. uh.. How much do I owe you?" RVD asked, leaning against his car for support, sniffing.
"$20.33" The Cashier replied, now doing breathing exercises. "Breathe in, breathe out . . ."
"Do you take . . . speed pass uh . . . or a coke card . . . yeah . . . heh?" RVD asked, now pretty high.
The Cashier laughs, snorting loudly at the question. "No!"
"Okay . . . uh . . . yeah . . ." RVD said, giving the Cashier the money. "This better be worth it. this is my.uh . . ." RVD muttered under his breath and got into his car. "White out money . . . yeah."
"Is she gone?! Matt whispered, coming back over to the car. "FOR THE LOVE OF G*D PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S GONE!"
"OH MATTIE! COME OUT; COME OUT WHERE EVER YOU ARE! THERE YOU ARE! I FOUND YOU! NOW I'M GONNA SNUGGLE YOU FOREVER!" Stacy shrieked, running over to the car and grabbing onto Matt before he could run.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
They all got into the car, Matt near tears, RVD extremely high, and Stacy being her normal annoying and seductive self. They headed back to the hotel.
*Meanwhile*
The Rock was incredibly pissed off. He needed pie like you wouldn't believe. He was sitting outside the bakery on a bench. Yeah, he had just whooped some jabroni's candy ass, but he wasn't as fulfilled as he thought he would be. It was due to lack of pie. He remembered the sick freak at the bakery had said they were 'all out'. He wondered who exactly got the last pie.
"The Rock isn't himself without his pie! The Rock can't be the jabroni beatin', pie eatin', eye brow raisin', elbow droppin', smack down layin', people's champ, without pie! It's just wrong! The Rock could go and eat cake, but then he wouldn't be who he is, now would he?" The Rock mumbled to himself, choking back tears.
Just then Edge and Christian strolled by happily, a pie in each of their hands. The Rock notices this and can't help but drool.
"Dude, I'm SO totally glad we found that bakery!" Christian exclaimed with a wide grin.
"Dude, we were SO totally lucky we got the two last pies!" Edge said, stopping near the bench The Rock was sitting at.
"I know dude, pie totally rules! So much more than reeky, icky, cake. I'd take pie over cake any day." Christian vented, taking a whiff of the hot pie he held his hands.
"I know. Who would've thought we were going to get cake that is until we saw these two, delicious, scrumptious pies." Edge agreed, holding his pie up to his nose so he could sniff it as well.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! Did you jabroni's just say that you have pie?" Rock asked, tilting his head sideways.
"Totally." Edge replied, grinning.
"Yeah, we sooooo totally snagged the last two." Christian bragged, smiling smugly.
"Who in the blue hell do you two think you are taking the last two pies in this damn city?"
"Well dude, we were hungry and we didn't want cake." Edge answered matter-of-factly.
"Well you could have had strudel; they had a lot of that." Rock said, glaring at the two blonds.
"Strudel, hmmm . . . that's sounds good, maybe we should go back and get some." Christian contemplated, scratching his chin.
Edge in return, smacks Christian in the back of the head. "Dude, what are you thinking aboot, we don't like strudel and we never will!"
"I was only suggesting. . ." Christian trailed off due to the death glare Edge was giving him.
"That's it gimme those damn pies before I whoop your candy asses all ova the city of Cancun!" Rock warned, raising from his seat on the bench.
"Sure we'll give you the pies." Edge said, grinning and winking at Christian.
"Dude, is there something wrong with your eye? Do you need to go to the hospital or something?" Christian asked, looking highly confused and completely clueless.
"Why me, why do I have such a reekazoid for a brother?" Edge mumbled under his breath, so that it was almost inaudible. "NO, Christian I'm fine." Edge reassured him, winking again.
"Ooooooookaaaaaay, are you sure you don't need medical a-a tt-en-
tion . . . attention?" Christian asked, having seriously difficulty pronouncing the word. "Wow that sure was hard to say." Christian said after finally pronouncing it right after a lot of hard work.
"Dude, I'm really, really OK. Hey is that a truck load of pies going by?"
"Where?" Both The Rock and Christian asked simultaneously looking over there shoulders.
Edge took this moment to whisper to Christian. "Dude, when Rock looks back we gonna pie him. You got that?"
"Oooook. But where did the pie truck go? I didn't see it!" Christian asked, about to through one of his infamous tantrums. "Where did it GO?"
"That's what the Rock wants to know jabroni." The Rock said, beginning to turn back around.
Edge slaps his forehead in frustration. "Ready Christian?"
"Ready for what?" Christian asked, stopping in mid-tantrum.
Edge yet again slaps Christian upside the head. "This can't be a good thing . . . there goes my tag team partner."
"Oooooooooohhhhh." Christian said, actually comprehending what he's supposed to be ready for.
"Ready for what? And I want my damn pie now, jabroni!!!!"
"Don't worry Rock; you'll get your pie very soon." Edge assured him with a smirk.
"Fine, hand it over." Rock demanded, and put out arms, expecting the pie.
Edge nodded to Christian, who unbelievably understands and they both smashed the pies into either side of Rock's face.
"Dude, that was like a con chair to, but with pies." Christian reflected, excitedly.
"No dude no, I don't think so." Edge said sighing.
"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL JUST HAPPENED? DID TWO JABRONIS JUST PIE THE ROCK IN THE FACE, CAUSE IF THEY DID THEIR CANDY ASSES ARE MINE. GET READY YOUR CANDY ASSES ARE NEXT!" Rock shouted, glaring at Edge and Christian who had already run away, Edge laughing his head off and Christian screaming his lungs out. "That's fine with me, The Rock'll get you two back later."
*While this was happening*
The last time we saw Lita and Y2J, Y2J was in a traumatized state, twitching on the ground do to the fact that he slept with Stephanie McMahon and Lita was laying on top of him unconscious do to one to many hits on the head. And Lita was unaware that Matt had seen this and taken it the wrong way.
"Lita, get the hell off me damn it." Y2J commanded, still twitching violently.
Lita made no reply as her tongue was hanging out, and drool slowly trickled from her mouth onto his face and shirt. (A/N- Yea, we know gross.)
"Somebody get her off of me, her knee is digging its way into my special area." Jericho begged, twitching with tears streaming down his face.
Lita groaned, finally waking up and opening her eyes. "Uh. . . what ' the f*ck? Where am I?" Lita asked startled, then pushed her knee up hard trying to get up, unintentionally hurting Y2J. (A/N-Basically a low blow or a knee to groin, whatever.)
"Get- OWWWWWWWWWW!" Jericho began, in a high whisper.
"Oh sh*t Chris, I'm sorry! Lemmie help you!" Lita said, getting up, and then helping the yelping Chris Jericho up.
"I'm NEVER EVVVVVVVVVER going to be the same again!" Jericho squeaked, in a high pitched whisper.
"I bet you won't. I mean, just put some ice on it, and you'll be fine. Hey, have you seen Matt?"
"Right after you fell over on top of me, the assclown nearly tripped over us. Then he started getting in a huff saying we were doing 'the nasty'. Then he ran off screaming and ran off the beach." Y2J answered, hunched over, then tried to stand up.
"Crap! This is just great! Now he thinks I'm with you! WHY ME? I never even got my damn surprise! Did you see which way he went?" Lita asked, getting a toy shovel that was on the ground and began to repeatedly hit herself with it.
"Well, considering I was twitching up a storm and completely in shocked thanks to Stephanie McSkank, I'm not sure. But, I think he went that way." Jericho answered, pointing straight, in the direction of the hotel.
"Okay, thanks. Hey wait, what'd the ho do now?" Lita asked raising an eyebrow.
"She . . . um . . . we kinda, um . . ." Y2J mumbled, now begging to shake uncontrollably.
"SPIT IT OUT MAN!"
"WE SLEPT TOGETHER!" Jericho yelled, shaking from head to toe, and starting to twitch yet again.
"YOU WHAT?"
"I know, it's terrible! My reputation is ruined! But, we were drunk . . . so we didn't know . . . SHE MUST HAVE DRUGGED ME!" Jericho screamed, now beginning to hyper ventilate.
"I don't know what to say. Wait, here." Lita said, pulling out a paper bag from her pocket and handed it to him.
"T-t-thanks." Jericho muttered, breathing into bag.
"I gotta go find Matt!" Lita exclaimed, starting to run, but then tripped over something and fell.
"OW! Hey, watch where you're going!"
Lita got up then looked down at what she tripped on. "What the f*ck? Goldust, what the hell are you doing down there? How the hell did you get buried in sand?" She asked, looking at Goldust oddly, whose head only popped out from under a huge mound of sand.
"Booker decided it would be fun if we buried each other in the sand. I'm a bit sad though do to the fact that I can't move. I can't feel myself up! But, when he comes back from the bathroom, he'll dig me out. Then he'll be buried by . . ." He paused for a second to perform his freaky inhale. "GOLDUST." Goldust then proceeded to bite the air.
Booker T, who is surfing had a giant grin on his face. "He fell for it! I ain't never gonna go back! Now can you dig that . . . SUCKA?!" Booker then does spin-a-rooni on surf board, just for the hell of it.
"Um, I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta get back to the hotel, it's an emergency. Maybe Chris will wanna chat with you?" Lita suggested, dragging Y2J over to Goldust.
"OH HELL NO! I've had enough torture for one day thank you! I'm outta here." Jericho said, and quickly walked off with Lita not too far behind him.
"Excuse me, Booker? It's your turn! Booker? Booker, my shining star, I miss you! Can someone help me? I'm stuck! Helllllllllo? ANYONE?" Goldust paused to look around. "You will feel the wrath of . . ." Goldust pauses yet again only to do that freaky inhale. "Goldust!" He yelled, talking to a toddler crawling by, who starts to cry at the sight of the sick freak.
*Back at the Hotel- Indoor Pool Area*
"OH Mattie, I love you sooooooo much! I could just squeeze you forever!" Stacy squealed, squeezing Matt to the point where she was practically choking him.
"RVD, help me!" Matt pleaded, looking at RVD who was nearly passed out on the lounge chair next to him. When he got no reply, Matt knew he was doomed.
"Soooooooo, how bout that date? I told you I wouldn't leave you until
I got an actual date!" Stacy said, hugging him tighter.
"FINE, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU'RE DRIVING ME COMPLETY INSANE! Someone put me outta my misery!"
"YAY! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!" Stacy squealed, then hugged Matt so he could barely breath.
"I got an idea. How bout it's a group date? I'll still go with you and all, but everyone else will be there." Matt said hopefully, crossing fingers.
Stacy sat, attempting to think about it but realized it hurts. "Well . . . OKAY! As long as I have my Mattie!"
"Um, I'll be right back. Okay?" Matt sighed, and began to pry Stacy off of him.
"Don't be too long! I MISS YOU MATT!" Stacy yelled, near tears.
*Sometime Later*
RVD wakes up and looks to the lounge seat next to him and sees only Stacy there, sleeping, her sunburned face tearstained. It seemed as if she'd cried herself to sleep.
"I wonder where Matt is." RVD mused, looking around, and then pulled out a bottle of whiteout and started to sniff.
*Men's Bathroom*
Matt was shivering, sitting on a covered toilet in the back of a men's room stall. He had his knees up to his chest and was rocking back and forth.
"Its sooooo cold! I see scary, skanky, red women! I want out, I want ouuuuuuuuuuut!" He whispered, and Matt proceeded to bang his head repeatedly against the wall of the stall.
A/N- Okay, we know this probably sucks, but bear with us. Most of this was done at 4:00 am, and in a rush. MOST of you're ideas will be used; they just maybe changed around a little to fit what we had in mind for the characters. Once again if you have any ideas we'd love to hear em and we'll probably put them in this piece of garbage fic we're attempting to write. Bwahahahahaha! Sorry, we just love to be psycho! Okay, we left some unanswered questions in this chapter. Who stole RVD's white out? Who will be paired up with whom on the group date? How pissed will Lita get when she realizes that Stacy is going with Matt? Will the Rock get revenge on E & C? Will Team Xtreme and Hurricane ever actually fight crime tighter? Will Austin ever be anything but drunk in this fic? (Answer- Probably not) What's Kurt's plan of revenge on Lita? Is Molly Holly an alcoholic? Anywayz please read and review, it's good to feel loved once and awhile! (or hated, whatever) Toodelz!
Chapter 6
Dude . . . Where's My Whiteout?
Day 3
Disclaimer- Same old, same old.
While all the other stuff with The Rock was going on, RVD was having some issues of his own. He sat on his bed and pulled out a bottle of white out, and unscrewed the cap. He put it up to his nose and um, sniffed, a lot. (A/N- Yeah, white out that's what we said! We're just sick of people making him get high off of the normal (weed, etc.) stuff so, white out it is. We're not normal, you've been warned.)
"Ah, finally. I thought I'd never find it. Mhmmmmmmm . . . smells so good . . . yeah. Heh, heh . . . yeah." RVD said sniffing more violently. "Betta go check my stash . . . heh . . . yeah." Now high, he walked over to the bureau draw and opened it. "WHAT THE F*CK? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY STASH! WHERE DID IT GO?" Rob yelled, getting red and shaky. "I only have one more bottle left! Might as well not let it go to waste." He picked up the last bottle of white out, his hands shaking in shock and fury. He opened it, but lost his grip on it and the bottle went flying.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" RVD yelped, near tears.
*Meanwhile*
The last time we left Matt, he had run off the beach screaming. Now he had run all the way back to the hotel lobby when he bumped into Stacy Keibler, Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson, Molly Holly, and Stephanie McMahon. He was now more frightened than ever.
"Um, sorry, I uh wasn't looking were I was going. I'm gonna lea-" Matt apologized, attempting to leave.
"Nonsense, it really was our fault, wasn't it ladies?" Stacy asked, pulling Matt back as the rest of the divas nodded.
"We're very sorry. How can we make it up to you?" Torrie said, licking her lips.
"Oh lord. I gotta go, NOW." Matt once again tried to leave but Stacy and Trish held him back.
"What's the matter? Is something bothering you? Is it your brother?
I can help get him out of your hair." Trish offered, grinning evilly.
"Someone, help. Please." Matt whimpered.
"Come on Mattie, let's all go sit and talk on that couch over there!"
Stephanie said her voice squeaky as she grabbed his arm.
*The Couch Area in the Hotel Lobby*
"So Matt, do you hiccup, like beer? I have . . . hiccup . . . found it tastes excellent! Who would've . . . *hiccup* . . . thought?" Molly said enthusiastically holding up a beer bottle that she now carries everywhere with her.
"Um, ah . . ." Matt stuttered. "Where the hell is Jeff when you need him? Or that damn Hurricane guy!" He mumbled under his breath.
"Matt, I've had my eye on you for a long time. I'll give you everything you need! And I've got LEGS!" Stacy exclaimed, holding up a long leg in front of his face. Matt gulped, and tried to push her leg out of his way.
"Well I like him too! So back off! And I have huge tits! So ha, you're scrawny little legs can't compete with these!" Torrie said, pointing to her chest.
"Hey wait! I have big tits too! You best back up bitch!" Trish warned, getting up along with Stacy and Torrie.
"OH Gawd my eyes! I think I'm going blind! Why the hell are they so bright?" Matt asked, indicating the diva's sunburns. He shaded his eyes from the terrible light they were giving off.
"Well they were stupid enough to sit around all day in the sun without sunscreen, and got sunburns. But, I being the smart one am sunburn free!" Steph informed him, looking proud, then moving closer to Matt on the couch.
"Okay, now I'm going blind and deaf." Matt said covering his ears to block out Stephanie's talking.
"Gee, I always thought Trish liked Jeff. It's . . . *hiccup* . . . kinda odd how she's . . . *hiccup* . . . fighting for you." Molly observed, indicating the cat fight that had broken out in front of them between Trish, Torrie, and Stacy.
"OH YEAH! I forgot about that! Heh, my bad!" Trish remembered, and slapped her forehead. She left Torrie and Stacy to battle it out.
"How bout we just leave right now and go up to my room for some well overdue fun?" Steph suggested, tugging on Matt's arm.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," was Matt's reply.
"I'll take that as a maybe."
All of a sudden they here a big commotion in the semi-quiet lobby, and a male voice yelling about something. They see someone rush past, then backtrack and stand in front of the group sitting on the couch, and Torrie and Stacy on the floor fighting it out.
"HAVE YOU SEEN MY STASH?" RVD asked, shaking from head to toe.
"Huh?" Matt asked, completely clueless to what he was talking about.
"SOMEONE STOLE MY STASH! IT'S GONE! ALL GONE! I NEED TO GET IT BACK! LOOK AT ME I'M SHAKING!"
"What did you stash consist of? Money? Um, drugs?" Matt questioned, getting up to stand with RVD, which caused Stephanie to fall to the ground, since she had positioned herself on his lap.
"NO! WHITE OUT! I NEEEEEEEEEEED MY WHITE OUT! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!" RVD yelled, grabbing Matt's shirt collar and shaking him a bit.
"Calm down RVD! I'll help you find the person who took it. But right
now um, let's go to the store and get you some replacements, okay?"
"K-k-kay." Rob agreed, now beginning to twitch.
"I WON! I WON! I GET MATTIE! HE'S ALL MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Stacy proclaimed after she had knocked Torrie over the head with a heavy flower pot, causing her to loose consciousness. Torrie at the moment was on the floor unconscious and drooling, unable to respond.
"OKAY, let's go NOW!" Matt and RVD attempted to make a quick exit but Stacy soon latched herself onto Matt's arm. "Just Rob and I are going, not you. Please leave me alone!" Matt pleaded, almost shaking as bad as Rob.
"No way. I'm gonna follow you everywhere till you go out with me!" Stacy squealed, holding onto him tighter and started to skip as they exited the hotel.
"LET'S GO NOW! I DON'T CARE IF SHE COMES! I NEED WHITE OUT!" RVD screamed, twitching furiously, and running towards the parking lot to his rental.
"WHY ME? WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY? Matt shouted, as Stacy pulled him into the back seat. "Um, RVD, should you really be driving?"
"WHY NOT? I GOTTA GET TO THE STORE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" RVD answered, starting up the car and speeding off to the local store.
*Meanwhile*
*At a Toy Store*
"YAY! I got the last Jeff Hardy action figure! It's my birthday, it's my birthday, oh yeah, oh yeah!" Jeff said excitedly, doing a little dance.
"WAZUPWITDAT?!" Hurricane yelled, looking at the selection of WWE action figures.
"WHAT?" Jeff asked, confused.
"Well Citizen Jeff, it seems that there isn't a Hurricane action figure! This is terrible; every great superhero has their own action figure! I can't believe this! What am I going to do?" Hurricane exclaimed, being highly overdramatic.
"Um, how bout you buy a different one? Look how many there are. There's The Rock, Y2J, Chris Benoit, Kane, Stephanie McSlutt, I mean McMahon, oh, and look there is one of Matt and Lita!" Jeff
stated, naming a few of the hundreds of action figures.
"Hmmmmm . . . well they are going to be my new sidekicks." Hurricane pondered, scratching his chin. "I suppose I'll get them." He agreed, grabbing the box holding the tag team of Matt and Lita in it.
"YAY, now we'll have all of Team Xtreme! Besides, it is the last one. Hey, why don't we get a bunch! Then we can have a ton of matches that we've always wanted to happen!" Jeff suggested, grabbing a wrestling ring, and a few more action figures.
"Excellent idea Citizen Jeff." Hurricane said, also grabbing more action figures.
"Um, Hurricane? Earlier you said that Matt and Lita were going to be your sidekicks' right?" Jeff asked, wondering the aisles of the toy store.
"That's correct good citizen. Continue." Hurricane replied, pushing the cart that was now filled with just about every action figure the store had.
"Weeeelllll, I was wondering is maybe, just maybe, I could be your sidekick too? You would have all Team Xtreme on your side!" Jeff exclaimed optimistically.
"You bring up an excellent point Citizen Jeff. With all of Team Xtreme as my allies, evil doers won't stand a chance!"
"Holy Sh*t!!! Look over there!" Jeff yelled, pointing to the Barbie section.
Hurricane looked where Jeff is pointing and he let go of the cart and it went flying into a display. Too his horror Hurricane sees Billy and Chuck playing with Barbie's. "WAZUPWITDAT?!"
A loud flush came from the men's restroom nearby, and The Big show walks out and groans. "Hey guys where's Ken?! He's late for the wedding." Big Show said, picking up a Barbie dressed in a wedding gown, and proceeding to join Billy and Chuck.
Jeff grabbed the cart and throws about four $20's at the cashier. "Keep the change!" He yelled hastily, and noticed, that Hurricane is already at the car.
Jeff put the stuff in the trunk and jumps through the open window. "Go, go, go!" Hurricane speeds off in the car.
(A/N- Hurricane got into a car . . . wait a minute . . . they came in the Hurri-cycle . . . and left in a stolen car . . . Hmmmmmmmm . . . oh, and Hurricane like sprained his arm and leg right? Oh well)
Realizing they made a mistake, they got out and got in the Hurri- cycle and sped off, not giving a damn about the speed limit, due to the fact that Billy, Chuck and Big Show had come out of the toy store with Barbie's in hand, inviting Hurricane and Jeff to play with them. (A/N- Come on, wouldn't you try to get the hell out of there as fast as you could if you got an invitation to 'play' with Billy, Chuck and Big Show?)
*Meanwhile*
"WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!!!!!!!!!" RVD roared, twitching REALLY badly.
"Dude, just breathe, okay? In and out, in and out." Matt he said from the back seat as he tried to pry Stacy off him. In turn, Rob began to hyperventilate. "I didn't mean like that, Rob! Stacy, please leave me alone! I'm not your damn snuggle bunny AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Matt yelled, and he too started to twitch.
"I love you SO much, Mattie! You're ALL mine! You're my snuggle bunny! You're my Muppet muffin! We're going to be together FOREVER!" Stacy exclaimed, holding him so tight Matt could barely breathe.
"Someone help! Save me! Anyone? Anyone? I'm gonna die! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Matt said, near tears, yet again. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, RVD arrives at the store. He sprints into the store and runs to the cash register.
"GIVE ME WHIIIITE OUT!!!"
"Ummmm ok..." The Cashier replied, although somewhat confused, he complies and hands RVD a bottle of white out.
"MORE!" And with that the Cashier gives Rob Van Dam another bottle.
"MOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!" And so the Cashier gives him a box of whiteout.
"Thank you" RVD walks away, walks out the door gets into the car and starts sniffing.
"Sir, SIR! You have to pay for that!!!" The Cashier called, looking rather pissed off. "THAT"S IT!!!" The Cashier jumps over counter, runs up to the car, pulls RVD out, and punches him in the face.
The Cashier is abruptly knocked out of his day dream by Stacy declaring her love to Matt then chasing after his fleeing figure.
(A/N- here's what really happens)
Cashier walks up to RVD, attempting to remain calm. "Sir, you have to pay for that . . . you will pay for that."
"Oh. uh.. How much do I owe you?" RVD asked, leaning against his car for support, sniffing.
"$20.33" The Cashier replied, now doing breathing exercises. "Breathe in, breathe out . . ."
"Do you take . . . speed pass uh . . . or a coke card . . . yeah . . . heh?" RVD asked, now pretty high.
The Cashier laughs, snorting loudly at the question. "No!"
"Okay . . . uh . . . yeah . . ." RVD said, giving the Cashier the money. "This better be worth it. this is my.uh . . ." RVD muttered under his breath and got into his car. "White out money . . . yeah."
"Is she gone?! Matt whispered, coming back over to the car. "FOR THE LOVE OF G*D PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S GONE!"
"OH MATTIE! COME OUT; COME OUT WHERE EVER YOU ARE! THERE YOU ARE! I FOUND YOU! NOW I'M GONNA SNUGGLE YOU FOREVER!" Stacy shrieked, running over to the car and grabbing onto Matt before he could run.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
They all got into the car, Matt near tears, RVD extremely high, and Stacy being her normal annoying and seductive self. They headed back to the hotel.
*Meanwhile*
The Rock was incredibly pissed off. He needed pie like you wouldn't believe. He was sitting outside the bakery on a bench. Yeah, he had just whooped some jabroni's candy ass, but he wasn't as fulfilled as he thought he would be. It was due to lack of pie. He remembered the sick freak at the bakery had said they were 'all out'. He wondered who exactly got the last pie.
"The Rock isn't himself without his pie! The Rock can't be the jabroni beatin', pie eatin', eye brow raisin', elbow droppin', smack down layin', people's champ, without pie! It's just wrong! The Rock could go and eat cake, but then he wouldn't be who he is, now would he?" The Rock mumbled to himself, choking back tears.
Just then Edge and Christian strolled by happily, a pie in each of their hands. The Rock notices this and can't help but drool.
"Dude, I'm SO totally glad we found that bakery!" Christian exclaimed with a wide grin.
"Dude, we were SO totally lucky we got the two last pies!" Edge said, stopping near the bench The Rock was sitting at.
"I know dude, pie totally rules! So much more than reeky, icky, cake. I'd take pie over cake any day." Christian vented, taking a whiff of the hot pie he held his hands.
"I know. Who would've thought we were going to get cake that is until we saw these two, delicious, scrumptious pies." Edge agreed, holding his pie up to his nose so he could sniff it as well.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! Did you jabroni's just say that you have pie?" Rock asked, tilting his head sideways.
"Totally." Edge replied, grinning.
"Yeah, we sooooo totally snagged the last two." Christian bragged, smiling smugly.
"Who in the blue hell do you two think you are taking the last two pies in this damn city?"
"Well dude, we were hungry and we didn't want cake." Edge answered matter-of-factly.
"Well you could have had strudel; they had a lot of that." Rock said, glaring at the two blonds.
"Strudel, hmmm . . . that's sounds good, maybe we should go back and get some." Christian contemplated, scratching his chin.
Edge in return, smacks Christian in the back of the head. "Dude, what are you thinking aboot, we don't like strudel and we never will!"
"I was only suggesting. . ." Christian trailed off due to the death glare Edge was giving him.
"That's it gimme those damn pies before I whoop your candy asses all ova the city of Cancun!" Rock warned, raising from his seat on the bench.
"Sure we'll give you the pies." Edge said, grinning and winking at Christian.
"Dude, is there something wrong with your eye? Do you need to go to the hospital or something?" Christian asked, looking highly confused and completely clueless.
"Why me, why do I have such a reekazoid for a brother?" Edge mumbled under his breath, so that it was almost inaudible. "NO, Christian I'm fine." Edge reassured him, winking again.
"Ooooooookaaaaaay, are you sure you don't need medical a-a tt-en-
tion . . . attention?" Christian asked, having seriously difficulty pronouncing the word. "Wow that sure was hard to say." Christian said after finally pronouncing it right after a lot of hard work.
"Dude, I'm really, really OK. Hey is that a truck load of pies going by?"
"Where?" Both The Rock and Christian asked simultaneously looking over there shoulders.
Edge took this moment to whisper to Christian. "Dude, when Rock looks back we gonna pie him. You got that?"
"Oooook. But where did the pie truck go? I didn't see it!" Christian asked, about to through one of his infamous tantrums. "Where did it GO?"
"That's what the Rock wants to know jabroni." The Rock said, beginning to turn back around.
Edge slaps his forehead in frustration. "Ready Christian?"
"Ready for what?" Christian asked, stopping in mid-tantrum.
Edge yet again slaps Christian upside the head. "This can't be a good thing . . . there goes my tag team partner."
"Oooooooooohhhhh." Christian said, actually comprehending what he's supposed to be ready for.
"Ready for what? And I want my damn pie now, jabroni!!!!"
"Don't worry Rock; you'll get your pie very soon." Edge assured him with a smirk.
"Fine, hand it over." Rock demanded, and put out arms, expecting the pie.
Edge nodded to Christian, who unbelievably understands and they both smashed the pies into either side of Rock's face.
"Dude, that was like a con chair to, but with pies." Christian reflected, excitedly.
"No dude no, I don't think so." Edge said sighing.
"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL JUST HAPPENED? DID TWO JABRONIS JUST PIE THE ROCK IN THE FACE, CAUSE IF THEY DID THEIR CANDY ASSES ARE MINE. GET READY YOUR CANDY ASSES ARE NEXT!" Rock shouted, glaring at Edge and Christian who had already run away, Edge laughing his head off and Christian screaming his lungs out. "That's fine with me, The Rock'll get you two back later."
*While this was happening*
The last time we saw Lita and Y2J, Y2J was in a traumatized state, twitching on the ground do to the fact that he slept with Stephanie McMahon and Lita was laying on top of him unconscious do to one to many hits on the head. And Lita was unaware that Matt had seen this and taken it the wrong way.
"Lita, get the hell off me damn it." Y2J commanded, still twitching violently.
Lita made no reply as her tongue was hanging out, and drool slowly trickled from her mouth onto his face and shirt. (A/N- Yea, we know gross.)
"Somebody get her off of me, her knee is digging its way into my special area." Jericho begged, twitching with tears streaming down his face.
Lita groaned, finally waking up and opening her eyes. "Uh. . . what ' the f*ck? Where am I?" Lita asked startled, then pushed her knee up hard trying to get up, unintentionally hurting Y2J. (A/N-Basically a low blow or a knee to groin, whatever.)
"Get- OWWWWWWWWWW!" Jericho began, in a high whisper.
"Oh sh*t Chris, I'm sorry! Lemmie help you!" Lita said, getting up, and then helping the yelping Chris Jericho up.
"I'm NEVER EVVVVVVVVVER going to be the same again!" Jericho squeaked, in a high pitched whisper.
"I bet you won't. I mean, just put some ice on it, and you'll be fine. Hey, have you seen Matt?"
"Right after you fell over on top of me, the assclown nearly tripped over us. Then he started getting in a huff saying we were doing 'the nasty'. Then he ran off screaming and ran off the beach." Y2J answered, hunched over, then tried to stand up.
"Crap! This is just great! Now he thinks I'm with you! WHY ME? I never even got my damn surprise! Did you see which way he went?" Lita asked, getting a toy shovel that was on the ground and began to repeatedly hit herself with it.
"Well, considering I was twitching up a storm and completely in shocked thanks to Stephanie McSkank, I'm not sure. But, I think he went that way." Jericho answered, pointing straight, in the direction of the hotel.
"Okay, thanks. Hey wait, what'd the ho do now?" Lita asked raising an eyebrow.
"She . . . um . . . we kinda, um . . ." Y2J mumbled, now begging to shake uncontrollably.
"SPIT IT OUT MAN!"
"WE SLEPT TOGETHER!" Jericho yelled, shaking from head to toe, and starting to twitch yet again.
"YOU WHAT?"
"I know, it's terrible! My reputation is ruined! But, we were drunk . . . so we didn't know . . . SHE MUST HAVE DRUGGED ME!" Jericho screamed, now beginning to hyper ventilate.
"I don't know what to say. Wait, here." Lita said, pulling out a paper bag from her pocket and handed it to him.
"T-t-thanks." Jericho muttered, breathing into bag.
"I gotta go find Matt!" Lita exclaimed, starting to run, but then tripped over something and fell.
"OW! Hey, watch where you're going!"
Lita got up then looked down at what she tripped on. "What the f*ck? Goldust, what the hell are you doing down there? How the hell did you get buried in sand?" She asked, looking at Goldust oddly, whose head only popped out from under a huge mound of sand.
"Booker decided it would be fun if we buried each other in the sand. I'm a bit sad though do to the fact that I can't move. I can't feel myself up! But, when he comes back from the bathroom, he'll dig me out. Then he'll be buried by . . ." He paused for a second to perform his freaky inhale. "GOLDUST." Goldust then proceeded to bite the air.
Booker T, who is surfing had a giant grin on his face. "He fell for it! I ain't never gonna go back! Now can you dig that . . . SUCKA?!" Booker then does spin-a-rooni on surf board, just for the hell of it.
"Um, I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta get back to the hotel, it's an emergency. Maybe Chris will wanna chat with you?" Lita suggested, dragging Y2J over to Goldust.
"OH HELL NO! I've had enough torture for one day thank you! I'm outta here." Jericho said, and quickly walked off with Lita not too far behind him.
"Excuse me, Booker? It's your turn! Booker? Booker, my shining star, I miss you! Can someone help me? I'm stuck! Helllllllllo? ANYONE?" Goldust paused to look around. "You will feel the wrath of . . ." Goldust pauses yet again only to do that freaky inhale. "Goldust!" He yelled, talking to a toddler crawling by, who starts to cry at the sight of the sick freak.
*Back at the Hotel- Indoor Pool Area*
"OH Mattie, I love you sooooooo much! I could just squeeze you forever!" Stacy squealed, squeezing Matt to the point where she was practically choking him.
"RVD, help me!" Matt pleaded, looking at RVD who was nearly passed out on the lounge chair next to him. When he got no reply, Matt knew he was doomed.
"Soooooooo, how bout that date? I told you I wouldn't leave you until
I got an actual date!" Stacy said, hugging him tighter.
"FINE, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU'RE DRIVING ME COMPLETY INSANE! Someone put me outta my misery!"
"YAY! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!" Stacy squealed, then hugged Matt so he could barely breath.
"I got an idea. How bout it's a group date? I'll still go with you and all, but everyone else will be there." Matt said hopefully, crossing fingers.
Stacy sat, attempting to think about it but realized it hurts. "Well . . . OKAY! As long as I have my Mattie!"
"Um, I'll be right back. Okay?" Matt sighed, and began to pry Stacy off of him.
"Don't be too long! I MISS YOU MATT!" Stacy yelled, near tears.
*Sometime Later*
RVD wakes up and looks to the lounge seat next to him and sees only Stacy there, sleeping, her sunburned face tearstained. It seemed as if she'd cried herself to sleep.
"I wonder where Matt is." RVD mused, looking around, and then pulled out a bottle of whiteout and started to sniff.
*Men's Bathroom*
Matt was shivering, sitting on a covered toilet in the back of a men's room stall. He had his knees up to his chest and was rocking back and forth.
"Its sooooo cold! I see scary, skanky, red women! I want out, I want ouuuuuuuuuuut!" He whispered, and Matt proceeded to bang his head repeatedly against the wall of the stall.
A/N- Okay, we know this probably sucks, but bear with us. Most of this was done at 4:00 am, and in a rush. MOST of you're ideas will be used; they just maybe changed around a little to fit what we had in mind for the characters. Once again if you have any ideas we'd love to hear em and we'll probably put them in this piece of garbage fic we're attempting to write. Bwahahahahaha! Sorry, we just love to be psycho! Okay, we left some unanswered questions in this chapter. Who stole RVD's white out? Who will be paired up with whom on the group date? How pissed will Lita get when she realizes that Stacy is going with Matt? Will the Rock get revenge on E & C? Will Team Xtreme and Hurricane ever actually fight crime tighter? Will Austin ever be anything but drunk in this fic? (Answer- Probably not) What's Kurt's plan of revenge on Lita? Is Molly Holly an alcoholic? Anywayz please read and review, it's good to feel loved once and awhile! (or hated, whatever) Toodelz!