WWE- Spring Break in Cancun
Chapter 7
The Phone Calls from Hell
Day 3 (wrap up)
Disclaimer-
Live4thaXtreme- "Hey Onthaedge487, you finally come back from vacation. What the hell took you so long?"
Onthaedge487- "I was on vacation for crying out loud and I MET MATT HARDY!" *a puddle of drool quickly forms*
Live4thaXtreme- "Well, welcome back home but I forgot, what are we supposed to write here again?"
Onthaedge487-"Damn it, what the hell do you think we're supposed to write here?!"
Live4thaXtreme-"Um . . . we suck, no wait that's not it, I dunno stop yelling at me!"
Onthaedge487- "YOU FRUITY PENGUIN, I'M NOT YELLING!" *slips in the puddle of drool*
Live4thaXtreme- "I'm a penguin, oh yea, oh yea, *does a little dance*
Onthaedge487- "What the hell are you on? I knew I should've stayed away longer."
Live4thaXtreme- *scratches head* "I dunno, but I want more. MHAHA . . . HA. . . HA."
Onthaedge487- *mumbles under her breath* "Dumb ass."
Live4thaXtreme- "What?"
Austin- "WHAT?"
Onthaedge487- "Would you please SHUT THE HELL UP?!"
Y2J- *pops in* "Hey that's my line! Bow down to the KING OF THE WORLD!"
Live4thaXtreme- "It's not like you say it anymore."
Onthaedge487- "I refuse to bow down, you has-been." *snaps fingers*
Y2J- "I'M A LIVING-" *gets speared by Edge who appears out of nowhere*
Live4thaxtreme- "E-E-E-DGE!" *passes out*
Onthaedge487- *drools, as Edge begins to leave* "Nooooooooo! Don't leave, stay! Take us with you! *looks at Live4thaXtreme who's passed out in a puddle of drool* NO, actually just take me!"
Live4thaXtreme- *wakes up* "Hey what about me! U SMELL, TAKE ME INSTEAD, EDGE!" *passes out again*
Edge- "Um, sorry but psychos aren't allowed in the arena." *leaves*
Onthaedge487- *cries* "Damn. Okay, for the actual disclaimer: We don't own anyone in this story . . . yet. Bwahahahahahahahaha!" *cackles insanely*
Live4thaXtreme- *wakes up* "Anywayz on with the freakin story." *shoves sock in Onthaedge487's mouth to stop the cackling, then passes out again*
Onthaedge487- *muffled noises*
Matt cautiously poked his head out of the Men's Bathroom. He let out a sigh of relief when he realized there was no sign of Stacey. He inched out, his back on the wall, tiptoeing and breathing heavily. He dropped to the ground, crawling on his elbows, and then doing a forward roll behind several plants (spy- movie style) as not to be seen by her or any other divas that may be passing by. Matt was extremely startled when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He reluctantly turned around, frankly scared out of his mind at who the person might be.
"Thank heavens it's only you!" Matt said, and let out a sigh of relief.
"Duuuuuuuuude, why are you . . ." RVD began, but momentarily pause to sniff his white out. "Hiding . . . uh. . . . behind a plant . . . uh . . . yeah?" he asked, a bit confused, in his usual high sate.
"You weren't followed were you? She's not with you right? She has no idea you're here right? TELL ME SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I AM!" Matt yelled, beginning to sweat. Out of what most likely was nerves, he grabbed RVD by the collar of his shirt and began shaking him.
"Dude, just chill. She's not here; she's asleep at the pool. Here have some white out. It'll help . . . yeah, it smeeeeells real uh good . . . yeah." RVD persuaded, brandishing the small bottle in his face. He handed Matt a bottle of white out, and Matt looked down on it as if
he was pondering something.
"Well okay. Right now I could seriously use something to get my mind off all this crap." Matt agreed, opening the white out. Just as he's about to sniff, Jeff and Hurricane come barreling into Matt, nearly knocking him over. "OW!"
"We're terribly sorry Citizen, and soon to be sidekick Hardy, but we've just witnessed the most horrific sight known to man!"
"MY WHITE OUT! Did it spill?" RVD yelled, completely spazing out over his beloved whiteout.
"No your white out is fine, here." Matt assured him, handing RVD the white out. "Now what'd you two see?"
"Well we were in the toy store and we were getting these action figures," Jeff replied, and pointed to several bags around their feet. "And we saw Billy, Chuck and . . ."
"Lemmie guess, Rico?" Matt asked matter-of-factly.
"No good Citizen, this was even worse. We saw Billy, Chuck and Big Show playing . . . oh I can't go on!" Hurricane exclaimed, and turned away from the group in shame and embarrassment and most of all, fear.
"What? I wanna know!" Matt said in a childish manner.
"They were . . . they were . . . playing Barbie's!" Jeff choked out. At hearing this, Matt let out a gasp, while Rob choked into his whiteout, causing him to sputter about.
"They are such dastardly villains! They are corrupting young children's minds by their sickening display! But fear not, Hurricane and his sidekicks Team Xtreme will stop them!" Hurricane exclaimed, then did a heroic superhero pose.
"We're gonna kick their Barbie lovin bootays!" Jeff declared, and began to do a happy dance, that in turn made him look like a demented chipmunk.
"Oh, you guys, would you mind going on a group date tomorrow?" Matt asked abruptly.
"Dude, *sniff* I . . . uh . . . don't *sniff* swing that way." RVD replied, shaking head.
"Gimmie that!" Matt snatched the whiteout not looking very amused. "I didn't mean it like that! I meant that each of us accompanies a Diva on the group date that's happening tomorrow night. I'll find the restaurant and get the reservations; you guys just worry about getting a date, kay?"
"That won't be a problem for me cause all the girls love Rob Van
Dam!" RVD exclaimed, and proceeded to do his little thumb thing.
"Hmmmm . . . who should I ask? Trish? Molly? Torrie? Stacy?
Stephanie? Um, not Jazz, she, um it, freaks me out." Jeff pondered, lightly tapping his index finger to his head.
"What about Citizen Lita? I think I'll ask her. We are going to be working together, so this would be a good way to get to know one
another." Hurricane suggested, scratching chin in wonderment.
"Good luck with that. Unfortunately *twitch* I have to take *twitch* St- s- s-t- Stacy. Matt informed, twitching violently.
"How come? I didn't think you liked her at all." Jeff asked, looking totally and completely confused.
"I *twitch* can't *twitch* stand *twitch* her. She *twitch* made *twitch* me *twitch* or *twitch* she *twitch* wouldn't *twitch* leave *twitch* me *twitch* alone." (A/N- Sorry bout all the twitching, heh, but um . . . we felt like making poor Mattykins twitch . . . a lot)
"OHHHHH" Jeff said, as it finally clicked.
"That's completely villainous!" Hurricane remarked, and Matt only twitched in reply.
Seconds later, Lita came running over to them, partially covered in sand. "Hey guys! Matt, I've been looking for you! We need to talk!"
"Um, well-" Matt began nervously.
"Hello Juniors!"
Lita slapped her forehead upon hearing the voice. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"What is this a bad time?" Y2J asked, smirking.
"Ah, Citizen Lita we also need to talk. There's going to be a group outing tomorrow, and I was wondering if you would like the honor of being my date?" Hurricane asked nervously, afraid of any kind of rejection.
Lita, in turn, banged her head against the wall in frustration. "I'll have to think about that Hurri-Dork." She pauses for a second, as if she was thinking, then replies, "How bout, NO!"
"But it would be a good way for us to get to know each other."
Hurricane said, looking slightly abashed by her answer. He really had thought she was going to say 'yes'.
"Oh, I get it. You'd rather go with him." Matt said jealously, pointing at Y2J.
"That's not tr-"
"What's going on? What are you assclowns taking aboot?" Y2J asked, completely clueless to the situation at hand.
"I hate Barbie's." Jeff whispered, and began to rock back and forth. At that, everyone turns to look at him oddly.
"Jeff its okay, don't worry. We're not gonna let Barbie's anywhere near you. Now, Lita, who are you going to accompany to the group date?" Matt said soothingly, moving to his brother's side.
"Yes Citizen, soon to be sidekick Lita, who? Me or him?" Hurricane asked, glaring at Jericho.
"What date? When? What the hell is going on? Will someone clue me in?" Jericho questioned, looking as if he was about to have a complex.
"Uh . . . duuuude there's a . . . uh . . . group date tomorrow night . . . uh yeah. Hurricane wants to go with Lita . . . I think . . . heh . . . white out?" RVD replied, offering Jericho a bottle.
"Um, no thanks"
"Alright, I'll go with you Hurri-dork! Geez, all of you are insane!" Lita groaned, throwing her hands up in defeat.
"Need Power Puff Girls! Need to watch Power Puff Girls! Ahhhhhhhhh!" Jeff whined in a robotic like tone, continuing to rock back and forth in a disturbed fashion.
"Um, is Citizen soon to be sidekick Jeff okay?"
"I'm not sure. I betta get him back to the room so he can watch the Power Puff Girls or he might piss himself . . . again." Matt said shuddering and then pulled Jeff up from the floor.
"Daddy, Jeff wants his Skittles!" Jeff said, in a childish tone and from there, he began to suck his thumb.
"I ain't you're Daddy! Okay I think he's traumatized." Matt stated. looking down at Jeff, was now hugging Matt's legs for dear life.
"I know how that feels. The Billion Dollar Bitch knows how to do that very well. I'm still shivering at the thought." Jericho said, as a shiver ran through him, followed by several twitches.
"Oh, you have no idea! Stacy has been following me around the whole day! Now I have to go on the date with her! I am going to die." Matt cried, bursting into tears. "WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY ME!"
"Oh Mattykins, is that you?!" Stacy called, peering behind the large plants that hid them from view.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Someone hide me! Please!" Matt begged, and then passed out.
"OOOO, CPR! YAY!" Stacy yelled and ran over to Matt as everyone stared.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELL NO! GET OFF!" Matt screamed, as Stacy's face was inches away from his.
"Damn. An inch away, an inch away! Well there's always our date." At that Matt began to shiver uncontrollably, and tried to inch further and further away from her.
"Okay, I've seen enough. Back off Blondie, you're scaring the crap outta him. And about this date, I got an idea. How bout we all put the guys' names in a hat and the girls pick from it to see who's with who on the date. Sound good?" Lita suggested to the group.
"But Citizen Lita, you said you were going with me!"
"Tough luck, Super-dip shit. Jeff gimmie your hat. Jeff?" Lita asked, looking down at Jeff, who is still clinging onto Matt's leg, and has now begun to drool. In reply, Jeff just drooled more.
"Any of you assclowns got a pen and paper?" Jericho asked, looking around at everyone.
"I DO, I DO!" Stephanie screamed, as glass broke. Running up to
them, along with her was, a drunken Molly Holly, and Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson. Y2J started to twitch, and the traumatized look appeared on his face once again.
"Duuuuuuuude . . . my . . . ears . . . ow . . . chill." RVD said, covering his ears as the girls reached the group. Seconds later more glass shatters.
"Goodness gracious Citizen Stephanie! You've never broken that much glass before! That must be a new record." Hurricane exclaimed,
gaping at her.
"It wasn't me, it was him!" Stephanie accused, pointing to a figure walking towards them.
"WHAT . . . the hell is going on here? What?" Austin asked coming over to them.
"Group date *twitch* tomorrow night. You and Debra *twitch* are
welcome to *twitch* come." Matt informed in, through a string of twitches.
"Steph, gimmie the paper and pen. Thanks. Okay, the girls are choosing so give me a second to write all the guys names down." Lita said as she took a moment to write all the names down, as there were many. It seemed that there were more men than women, but it did
give Lita a better chance for a semi-sane guy . . . waits there really weren't any of them. The only guy she wanted was Matt.
"Agh! Men suck!" Jazz said, coming out of the gym area, followed by Dawn Marie.
"It's okay to suck." Dawn Marie replied, licking her lips.
"What the hell are you doing here? Isn't it enough that I beat your ass in the Divas Undressed Tournament?" Torrie sneered at Dawn Marie.
"Well I'm not the one whose boyfriend was a judge!"
"Don't make me shove my trophy up your ass!"
"Okay you two whores, um I mean, uh, I look let's just pick from the freakin hat, kay?" Lita said, breaking up the cat fight. One by one the girls picked from the hat, although Jazz and Dawn Marie had no idea why they were doing so. Matt had his fingers crossed the whole time, praying that he wouldn't get Stacy.
"YAY! YAY! MATTYPOO, YOU'RE STILL MY DATE! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! YIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEE! KISS ME YOU FOOL!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" Matt exclaimed in sheer terror before passing out again.
"Don't even try mouth to mouth whore." Lita said, and then threw water on Matt.
"Well, well, well. It looks as if you and I will be going together, Citizen Lita." Hurricane said reading the name on the paper in Lita's hands. It had read Hurri-dork, and she had yet to look at it.
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY?" She screamed, banging her head against the wall, and then passing out next to Matt.
"Oh Jeff! You have the pleasure of taking me on a date! We're gonna have the best time. Of course, you're going to spend lots of money on me . . ." Stephanie said, trailing off. Jeff began to twitch wildly at the thought of this.
"But I'll miss the Power Puff Girls! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He wailed, then he passed out next to Lita.
"Hey, Rob, you look *hiccup*, different. Did you hiccup, get shorter?" Molly asked, taking a swig of her beer. "Anyway, you're my hiccup, date, so-" she said as she stumbles and falls on her butt. "Hiccup, ow. Rob, will you help me up? Rob?"
"Um, uh . . . Molly . . . you're talking . . . *sniff* uh . . . to a plant, *sniff* uh. . . yeah." RVD said, helping her up.
"Huh?"
"You're uh . . . *sniff* drunk . . . uh yeah. But that's uh . . . cool, cause um, uh . . . *sniff* everything's uh . . . cool when you're . . ." He pauses momentarily to do the thumb thing, as he says his name. "Rob Van Dam!"
"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS GOING ON?" Rock asked coming up to them.
"WHAT . . . is that on your face, jackass?" Austin asked The Rock.
"IT'S PIE! PIE! THOSE TWO VALLEY GIRLS ARE DEAD! THEY'RE CANDY ASSES ARE MINE! THEY BRING THE ASS, I BRING THE WHUPPIN'!"
"Oh Rock, you're my date for tomorrow night!" Jazz said excitedly.
"WHO IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU? No, wait the better question is, WHAT in the blue hell are you?" Rock asked, tilting his head sideways, (like he does on TV.)
"I'm um, I'm you're date for tomorrow night, Jazz. You know, former Woman's Champion."
"Women's Champion? Doesn't look like it to me. I have to go on a date with you tomorrow night? Why?" Rock asked, a hint of fear
evident in his voice.
"It's a group date, everyone's going. And I drew your name. Don't worry, I think I can help you with you're pie problem." Jazz replied with a wink, that only made a shiver go down Rock's spine.
"Great, just great. The Billion Dollar Bitch gets Jeffypoo and I get . . ." Trish said as she pauses to look at the piece of paper. "JERICHO! NOOOOOOO!"
"What?" Jericho asked in bewilderment.
"WHAT?"
"Would you please . . . SHUT THE HELL UP, Austin? Geez. What'd you want Trash, I mean Trish?" Jericho asked walking over to her.
"You're my date dumb fuck. Just thought you should know."
"DAMNIT!"
"Yeah, I know, I wanted Jeff. And we all know you wanted Stephy
McScank." Trish said, smirking.
"WHAT?! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jericho screamed, as memories of the previous night flooded his mind.
"WHAT?" Austin yelled, hoping to get a chant going.
"WHAT?!!!! HOW THE HELL DID I GET BIG SHOW?!!" Torrie screamed
in pure shock.
"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled simultaneously.
"Hey, that's my line! Don't make me open up a big 'ol can of whoop ass on ya'll!" Austin warned, popping open a can of beer.
"How the hell did he get in here? I'm so not going on a date with him! What if . . . what if he sits on me?! Or I die of the smell he gives off? Huh? Huh?" Torrie asked worriedly.
"Too bad, you picked him, you date him. Bwahahahahahaha! At least you didn't have to sleep with him . . ." Stephanie said shuddering, as Torrie sniffled.
"Hey what about us? Don't forget about us? I already have a date!" Billy said, grabbing Chucky.
"Where in the blue hell did you jabronies come from? Wait, don't answer that, The Rock has no desire to know."
"You . . . you whores! I can't believe this! Now I'm dateless! How could you forget ME? WHAT ABOUT ME?!!!" Rico yelled, falling out of a broom closet nearby.
"WHAT ABOUT RAVEN?!" Raven yelled, popping out of nowhere.
"Ooooh, excellent style, good hair. He'll do just fine." Rico said looking Raven up and down. Rico then grabbed Raven and pulled him off somewhere, Billy and Chucky at their heels. (A/N- Sorry bout that, we couldn't resist.)
"Oh good it was just a terrible, no good, very bad nightmare." Matt said, waking up and attempted to get up. He then looked around, and sees Stacy running towards him. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! The Rock says back off elf before you give him a heart attack!" The Rock reprimanded as Stacy came to a halt.
"Kay." Stacy said weak voice.
"That was too surreal, somebody please tell me I just did not pick the Hurri-dork for my date." Lita said, waking up and rubbing her eyes.
"Um. . . Citizen Lita, you did just pick me as you're . . .
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Whoa, that was the most freakiest dream in my whole life, I thought I was going to miss the Power Puff Girls and go on a date with Steph, wow that was scary." Jeff said nervously waking up in a cold sweat.
"Um. . . Jeff that was no dream you had." Stephanie informed him with a smirk.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Did everyone choose?" Matt asked as all the divas but Dawn Marie nodded.
"I'm busy tomorrow night. Mr. McMahon needs me for erm, stuff."
"Why the hell are you in this fic anyway? It's not like any of us like you and the authors sure as hell don't like you." Trish pointed out, as everyone else nodded.
"Well um, the authors needed another diva for unexplained reasons, so here I am." (Onthaedge487- "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Live4thaXtreme- "SHUDDUP and type jackass!")
"Let's see, everyone but Kurt, Edge, and Christian has a date. Well, um Kurt doesn't have to go, we just won't tell him cause he couldn't get a date even if he tried. I'll call E & C tonight and inform them about tomorrow and tell them to find dates . . ." Matt said trailing off as the rest of the group nodded.
*That Night*
Matt, Jeff, and to both the Hardyz dismay, Stacy were all seated in the Hardyz hotel room. Matt picked up his cell and dialed Edge's number. It rang a few times until someone finally answered.
"Hello? Who deems them self worthy of speaking to me, KING OF THE WORLD?!" The voice said as Matt rolled his eyes.
"Jericho, put Edge on . . . NOW." Matt said, and soon another voice came on the phone.
"Hi! How are you reeking today?" Edge asked, and again Matt rolled his eyes.
"Just fine thanks. I can't say the same for Jeff though; I don't think he showered today. Anyway look, tomorrow night there's a group outing . . . NO STACY, LEAVE JEFF ALONE! YOU CAN'T BRAID HIS HAIR! Sorry about that, where was I? Oh yeah tomorrow night bring a-"
"CHRISTIAN, THAT'S NOT A TOY! NOOOOOOO! DAMNIT CHRISTIAN! My hair dryer, noooooooo! I'm gonna kill him. Oh sorry, go on."
"I know how you feel. Jeff and Stacy are fighting and it's driving me crazy. If she doesn't get the f*ck out RIGHT NOW, YOU HERE THAT STACY RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna strangle her! Oh right back to the point, you gotta bring a- JEFF, IN THE BATHROOM, NOT OUT IN THE BALCONY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT ALL THOSE SKITTLES AFTER YOU ATE THAT DAMN CORN DOG! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME STACY! Sorry, Jeff's a bit sick and Stacy, well she's a bit dumb, red, bitchy, slutty, skanky . . ."
"HEY!" Stacy yelled loudly obviously offended, loudly enough for Edge to hear her over.
"Dude, we're going through the same thing right now. This totally reeks of hieniousity! Okay lemmie get this straight, there's a group 'outing' tomorrow and Christian and I are invited. What are we supposed- JERICHO GET THE HELL OOT OF MY BATHROOM! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE ON THE ROYAL THRONE, GET THE HELL OUT, YOU'RE REEKING UP THE PLACE CAUSE YOU JUST HAD TO . . . KING OF THE REEKAZIODS IS MORE LIKE IT! SO GET OOT NOW, AND PUT THE SEAT DOWN!" All of a sudden there's a slam heard from Edge's bathroom.
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, THE ROYAL THRONE ATTACKED MY GOLDEN CEPTOR." Jericho shrieked, obviously in A LOT of pain.
"WHAT? I'M NOT HELPING YOU! Hang on Matt, Christian, go help him out, dude cause I'm not going in there. PUT SOME ICE ON IT MAN, I'M SURE IT'LL GO DOWN SOON!" All that could be heard from the bathroom were muffled noises, and the sounds of shuffling feet. "I didn't mean it like that, bro. I meant that it'll stop the swelling."
Upon hearing all of this, Matt was now cringing. "Oh I really, really didn't have to hear that. I really feel bad for us. Anyway bring a da- STACY, STOP TRYING TO LICK ME! LEAVE ME ALONE! NO I DON'T NEED CPR, I'M TOTALLY AWAKE NOW, YOU BIMBO! JEFF, FLUSH THE TOLIET WHEN YOUR DONE AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH THIS TIME!"
"NO CHRISTIAN, I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOU PLAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON THE KAZZOO! UGH, JERICHO GET THE F*CK OOT NOW! YOU DIDN'T EVEN TURN ON THE FAN! USE SOME SPRAY, DUDE, AFTER YOU JUST. . . Matt, I gotta go and kick Jericho's ass, so Christian and I'll see you tomorrow. Bye! JERICHO IF YOU TOUCH MY SHAMPOO-" Edge yelled as he clicked off the phone with much frustration.
"I know how you feel dude. NOOOOO NOT MY TOOTHBRUSH JEFF! GET THE HELL OUT STACY! AHHHHHHHHH! WHERE IS ALL THIS WATER COMING FROM . . . JEFFF! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE? JEFFF!" Matt yelled, frankly even scared to know the cause of the water that was now flooding the room.
"Sorry Matty, I'll stop soon . . . GO DUCKY GO, YOU CAN BEAT MR.
HEYMAN, HE'S SINKING REAL FAST ANYWAYS! MATT THE WATER DOESN'T WANNA STOP! UH OH! I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING." (A/N- By the way, Mr. Heyman is a bath toy . . . a whale to be exact)
"Hello, hello, Edge? Damnit Jeff, you're drowning us all." Matt said frustrated, then looked at Stacy. "Hmmm . . . maybe that's not such a bad thing." Seconds later the phone rings and before Matt has a
chance to say hello . . .
"That's not a bad thing. That's a good thing!" The caller says enthusiastically, then clicks off.
"DDP was that you, hello? Damnit, somebody answer me."
"I can help you with that." Stacy said, flinging herself on top of him.
"Get off me Stacy, I gotta call the restaurant."
"RESTAURANT? MR. DUCKY SAYS WE HAVE TO EAT CHINESEEEE FOOOOOOOOD!" Jeff called from the bath tub.
"WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A CHINESE PLACE IN CANCUN?" Matt yelled back, shaking his head in dismay.
"BUT, BUT MR. DUCKY SAYSSSS WE HAVE TO!"
"FINE, FINE, I CALL A DAMN CHINESE PLACE!" Matt agreed, twitching.
"Well I think we should get. . ." Stacy began, looking over Matt's shoulder.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!" The Rock's *voice* boomed, yet he was nowhere in sight.
"Where the hell did that come from?" Matt asked in bewilderment.
"Does Mr. Ducky wanna go in the hot tub?" Jeff asked, holding the bath toy up to his ear, expecting an answer. He nodded and happily placed Mr. Ducky in the toilet. "Here I'll turn it on for you."
"I found one." Matt said, reading the number in the phone book and then dialed.
"Hello, welcome to nice Chinese restaurant." An employee said in a thick Chinese accent.
"Yeah, hi I'd like to make a reservation for 20 people for 7'oclock tomorrow night."
"Hello, welcome to nice Chinese restaurant." The employee repeated.
"Yeah, you said that already. Um . . . can I make a reservation for 20 people?" Matt asked, getting slightly annoyed.
"Ah . . . ok . . . this is a Chinese restaurant."
"Yeah, I KNOW." Matt said, as a FLUSH could be heard coming from
the bathroom.
"NOOOOOOO MR. DUCKY COME BACK, WHERE'D YOU GO? THIS IS NO TIME FOR HIDE AND SEEK!" Jeff wailed, searching the toilet for his duck.
"You want to make a reservation?" The employee asked, as if they were confused.
"YES, DAMN IT FOR 20 PEOPLE! JEFF, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? STACY, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO GET THE F OUT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING NOW?"
"Reservations for 20 people?"
"YES DAMNIT, STACY GET OFF THE TABLE, I'M NOT THE KING, I DON'T LIKE TRASH LIKE YOU!"
The King, who happened to be passing by, poked his head in the open door to the hotel room and yelled, "PUPPIES!" He then proceeded to seizure.
"But Matt, I got leggggssss." Stacy said, and then held up one of overly long legs. She lost her balance and then falls off the table knocking herself unconscious.
"Oh ok, so reservations for 20 to eat?"
"YES, MAN THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY!" Matt yelled, as
he began to cry.
"DUCKY, WHERE'D YOU GO, I NEED YOU NOW!" Jeff whined, as he stuck his head in the toilet. "UH OH, ME IS IN TROUUUUBLE . . . MATTTTTT!"
"Ok, you want 20 people to eat, yes?"
"YES, AT 7 TOMORROW NIGHT, I HAVE TO GO NOW, BUH BYE!" Matt yelled into the phone and hurriedly hung up. "WHAT NOW JEFF?"
"AH IS STUCK . . . *flush* . . . WOOOOO THIS IS FUN, YOU SHOULD
TRY IT SOMETIME! SWIRLIE! SWIRLIE!"
"WHAT THE HELL NOW? YOU KNOW, MY LIFE IS SHIT!" Matt exclaimed, getting up and walking to the bathroom.
"UH OH MATTTTT, IS THE WATER SUPPOSED TO KEEP COMING OUT LIKE THIS?"
Matt enters the bathroom, and upon seeing Jeff, bangs his head on the wall multiple times. "HOLD ON JEFF, I'LL GET YOU OUT . . . EVENTUALLY. AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH STACY ANY LONGER." He grabs Jeff's legs and starts pulling.
"Oh Matty, where are you?" Stacy called from the bedroom, somehow coming out of her unconscious state. Seconds later she passed out again, the brothers completely unaware. Hearing her voice was just enough to make Matt pass out himself . . . and he did.
Matty? Matty? Hello? Anybody?" Jeff asked, feeling alone. A few hours later, Jeff is asleep with his head in the toilet, although he didn't seem to mind much.
Onthaedg487- "DAMN. That was long!"
Live4thaXtreme- "Oh well but I can't believe we did that to Matt and Jeff, even though I thought it was really funny but that's just me."
Onthaedg487- "Well it was just to set up the group date, so it wasn't supposed to be THAT funny dumb ass."
Live4thaXtreme- "I'm not a dumb ass, I'm a fruity penguin! Haha, you're not a penguin, you're just a fruit!" *dances and waddles around the room*
Onthaedge487- "Yeah I'm not a penguin, but I'm also not mentally unstable." *snaps fingers*
APA- "You rang?"
Onthaedge487- "Yeah, I . . . uh . . . need you to take care of something."
Bradshaw- "How many is it this time?"
Onthaedge487- "Just her." *points to Live4thaXtreme who's still waddling around like a fruit loop*
Live4thaXtreme- "I'M A FRUITY PENGUIN! I'M A FRUITY PENGUIN! YIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Faarooq- "Well I'll be damned. There really is someone fruitier than Angle! And they said it couldn't be done!"
Onthaedge487- "Yes well, if you don't mind getting rid of her, like um, NOW!"
Live4thaXtreme- "No, not again, not the leash, AHHHHHHHHHHHH . . ."
Bradshaw- "Fine." *they pick up Live4thaXtreme and throw her outside in a nearby dumpster*
Onthaedge487- "That's what you get for shoving a moldy, dirty, filthy, disgusting, sock in my mouth! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Mankind- *somewhere far away* "Mr. Socko? Mr. Socko? MR. SOCKO?!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Faarooq- "Anyways, payment?"
Onthaedge487- "Right, here's your keg Bradshaw, and here's yours Faarooq. Thanks, but I'll be needing your assistance when my little brother gets home so why not stay."
Bradshaw- "Sure." *pops open his beer*
Faarooq- "Anyone up for some poker? *pulls out deck of cards*
Live4thaXtreme- *muffled noises from dumpster*
Onthaedge478- *deals cards* "Oh and for those of you who are actually reading this, we'll get another chapter up as soon as possible, but school's starting and all. *shivers* The next chapter'll have the group date in its entirety, and hopefully will be more funny. We know it's taking forever to get through this, I mean its chapter 7 & we just finished day 3! We'll uh, try to speed it up for you. Maybe day 4 will only be one chapter! Wishful thinking." *sweat drop*
Live4thaXtreme- *from dumpster* "Damn it smells in here. Is that a banana? No, no it's not; I was really off, EWWWWWWWWWW! Any who, if you have any ideas for this story or want to see a superstar do something, or make an appearance, just write it in your review. *hint, hint* HEY, I GOT OUT OF THE DUMPSTER! YAY! HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW! I'M STILL A FRUITY-"
Onthaedge487- *throws shoe though window & it hits Live4thaXtreme & she falls back into dumpster* "Quiet down there! Now, how bout the loser takes out the trash?" *talking to APA, and indicating the dumpster outside*
Live4thaXtreme- *unconscious*
Onthaedge487- "Can you guys please tell the readers out there what that fruit was attempting to say?"
APA- "PLEASE READ & REVIEW, or we'll beat you're asses to the ground!"
Chapter 7
The Phone Calls from Hell
Day 3 (wrap up)
Disclaimer-
Live4thaXtreme- "Hey Onthaedge487, you finally come back from vacation. What the hell took you so long?"
Onthaedge487- "I was on vacation for crying out loud and I MET MATT HARDY!" *a puddle of drool quickly forms*
Live4thaXtreme- "Well, welcome back home but I forgot, what are we supposed to write here again?"
Onthaedge487-"Damn it, what the hell do you think we're supposed to write here?!"
Live4thaXtreme-"Um . . . we suck, no wait that's not it, I dunno stop yelling at me!"
Onthaedge487- "YOU FRUITY PENGUIN, I'M NOT YELLING!" *slips in the puddle of drool*
Live4thaXtreme- "I'm a penguin, oh yea, oh yea, *does a little dance*
Onthaedge487- "What the hell are you on? I knew I should've stayed away longer."
Live4thaXtreme- *scratches head* "I dunno, but I want more. MHAHA . . . HA. . . HA."
Onthaedge487- *mumbles under her breath* "Dumb ass."
Live4thaXtreme- "What?"
Austin- "WHAT?"
Onthaedge487- "Would you please SHUT THE HELL UP?!"
Y2J- *pops in* "Hey that's my line! Bow down to the KING OF THE WORLD!"
Live4thaXtreme- "It's not like you say it anymore."
Onthaedge487- "I refuse to bow down, you has-been." *snaps fingers*
Y2J- "I'M A LIVING-" *gets speared by Edge who appears out of nowhere*
Live4thaxtreme- "E-E-E-DGE!" *passes out*
Onthaedge487- *drools, as Edge begins to leave* "Nooooooooo! Don't leave, stay! Take us with you! *looks at Live4thaXtreme who's passed out in a puddle of drool* NO, actually just take me!"
Live4thaXtreme- *wakes up* "Hey what about me! U SMELL, TAKE ME INSTEAD, EDGE!" *passes out again*
Edge- "Um, sorry but psychos aren't allowed in the arena." *leaves*
Onthaedge487- *cries* "Damn. Okay, for the actual disclaimer: We don't own anyone in this story . . . yet. Bwahahahahahahahaha!" *cackles insanely*
Live4thaXtreme- *wakes up* "Anywayz on with the freakin story." *shoves sock in Onthaedge487's mouth to stop the cackling, then passes out again*
Onthaedge487- *muffled noises*
Matt cautiously poked his head out of the Men's Bathroom. He let out a sigh of relief when he realized there was no sign of Stacey. He inched out, his back on the wall, tiptoeing and breathing heavily. He dropped to the ground, crawling on his elbows, and then doing a forward roll behind several plants (spy- movie style) as not to be seen by her or any other divas that may be passing by. Matt was extremely startled when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He reluctantly turned around, frankly scared out of his mind at who the person might be.
"Thank heavens it's only you!" Matt said, and let out a sigh of relief.
"Duuuuuuuuude, why are you . . ." RVD began, but momentarily pause to sniff his white out. "Hiding . . . uh. . . . behind a plant . . . uh . . . yeah?" he asked, a bit confused, in his usual high sate.
"You weren't followed were you? She's not with you right? She has no idea you're here right? TELL ME SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I AM!" Matt yelled, beginning to sweat. Out of what most likely was nerves, he grabbed RVD by the collar of his shirt and began shaking him.
"Dude, just chill. She's not here; she's asleep at the pool. Here have some white out. It'll help . . . yeah, it smeeeeells real uh good . . . yeah." RVD persuaded, brandishing the small bottle in his face. He handed Matt a bottle of white out, and Matt looked down on it as if
he was pondering something.
"Well okay. Right now I could seriously use something to get my mind off all this crap." Matt agreed, opening the white out. Just as he's about to sniff, Jeff and Hurricane come barreling into Matt, nearly knocking him over. "OW!"
"We're terribly sorry Citizen, and soon to be sidekick Hardy, but we've just witnessed the most horrific sight known to man!"
"MY WHITE OUT! Did it spill?" RVD yelled, completely spazing out over his beloved whiteout.
"No your white out is fine, here." Matt assured him, handing RVD the white out. "Now what'd you two see?"
"Well we were in the toy store and we were getting these action figures," Jeff replied, and pointed to several bags around their feet. "And we saw Billy, Chuck and . . ."
"Lemmie guess, Rico?" Matt asked matter-of-factly.
"No good Citizen, this was even worse. We saw Billy, Chuck and Big Show playing . . . oh I can't go on!" Hurricane exclaimed, and turned away from the group in shame and embarrassment and most of all, fear.
"What? I wanna know!" Matt said in a childish manner.
"They were . . . they were . . . playing Barbie's!" Jeff choked out. At hearing this, Matt let out a gasp, while Rob choked into his whiteout, causing him to sputter about.
"They are such dastardly villains! They are corrupting young children's minds by their sickening display! But fear not, Hurricane and his sidekicks Team Xtreme will stop them!" Hurricane exclaimed, then did a heroic superhero pose.
"We're gonna kick their Barbie lovin bootays!" Jeff declared, and began to do a happy dance, that in turn made him look like a demented chipmunk.
"Oh, you guys, would you mind going on a group date tomorrow?" Matt asked abruptly.
"Dude, *sniff* I . . . uh . . . don't *sniff* swing that way." RVD replied, shaking head.
"Gimmie that!" Matt snatched the whiteout not looking very amused. "I didn't mean it like that! I meant that each of us accompanies a Diva on the group date that's happening tomorrow night. I'll find the restaurant and get the reservations; you guys just worry about getting a date, kay?"
"That won't be a problem for me cause all the girls love Rob Van
Dam!" RVD exclaimed, and proceeded to do his little thumb thing.
"Hmmmm . . . who should I ask? Trish? Molly? Torrie? Stacy?
Stephanie? Um, not Jazz, she, um it, freaks me out." Jeff pondered, lightly tapping his index finger to his head.
"What about Citizen Lita? I think I'll ask her. We are going to be working together, so this would be a good way to get to know one
another." Hurricane suggested, scratching chin in wonderment.
"Good luck with that. Unfortunately *twitch* I have to take *twitch* St- s- s-t- Stacy. Matt informed, twitching violently.
"How come? I didn't think you liked her at all." Jeff asked, looking totally and completely confused.
"I *twitch* can't *twitch* stand *twitch* her. She *twitch* made *twitch* me *twitch* or *twitch* she *twitch* wouldn't *twitch* leave *twitch* me *twitch* alone." (A/N- Sorry bout all the twitching, heh, but um . . . we felt like making poor Mattykins twitch . . . a lot)
"OHHHHH" Jeff said, as it finally clicked.
"That's completely villainous!" Hurricane remarked, and Matt only twitched in reply.
Seconds later, Lita came running over to them, partially covered in sand. "Hey guys! Matt, I've been looking for you! We need to talk!"
"Um, well-" Matt began nervously.
"Hello Juniors!"
Lita slapped her forehead upon hearing the voice. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"What is this a bad time?" Y2J asked, smirking.
"Ah, Citizen Lita we also need to talk. There's going to be a group outing tomorrow, and I was wondering if you would like the honor of being my date?" Hurricane asked nervously, afraid of any kind of rejection.
Lita, in turn, banged her head against the wall in frustration. "I'll have to think about that Hurri-Dork." She pauses for a second, as if she was thinking, then replies, "How bout, NO!"
"But it would be a good way for us to get to know each other."
Hurricane said, looking slightly abashed by her answer. He really had thought she was going to say 'yes'.
"Oh, I get it. You'd rather go with him." Matt said jealously, pointing at Y2J.
"That's not tr-"
"What's going on? What are you assclowns taking aboot?" Y2J asked, completely clueless to the situation at hand.
"I hate Barbie's." Jeff whispered, and began to rock back and forth. At that, everyone turns to look at him oddly.
"Jeff its okay, don't worry. We're not gonna let Barbie's anywhere near you. Now, Lita, who are you going to accompany to the group date?" Matt said soothingly, moving to his brother's side.
"Yes Citizen, soon to be sidekick Lita, who? Me or him?" Hurricane asked, glaring at Jericho.
"What date? When? What the hell is going on? Will someone clue me in?" Jericho questioned, looking as if he was about to have a complex.
"Uh . . . duuuude there's a . . . uh . . . group date tomorrow night . . . uh yeah. Hurricane wants to go with Lita . . . I think . . . heh . . . white out?" RVD replied, offering Jericho a bottle.
"Um, no thanks"
"Alright, I'll go with you Hurri-dork! Geez, all of you are insane!" Lita groaned, throwing her hands up in defeat.
"Need Power Puff Girls! Need to watch Power Puff Girls! Ahhhhhhhhh!" Jeff whined in a robotic like tone, continuing to rock back and forth in a disturbed fashion.
"Um, is Citizen soon to be sidekick Jeff okay?"
"I'm not sure. I betta get him back to the room so he can watch the Power Puff Girls or he might piss himself . . . again." Matt said shuddering and then pulled Jeff up from the floor.
"Daddy, Jeff wants his Skittles!" Jeff said, in a childish tone and from there, he began to suck his thumb.
"I ain't you're Daddy! Okay I think he's traumatized." Matt stated. looking down at Jeff, was now hugging Matt's legs for dear life.
"I know how that feels. The Billion Dollar Bitch knows how to do that very well. I'm still shivering at the thought." Jericho said, as a shiver ran through him, followed by several twitches.
"Oh, you have no idea! Stacy has been following me around the whole day! Now I have to go on the date with her! I am going to die." Matt cried, bursting into tears. "WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY ME!"
"Oh Mattykins, is that you?!" Stacy called, peering behind the large plants that hid them from view.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Someone hide me! Please!" Matt begged, and then passed out.
"OOOO, CPR! YAY!" Stacy yelled and ran over to Matt as everyone stared.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELL NO! GET OFF!" Matt screamed, as Stacy's face was inches away from his.
"Damn. An inch away, an inch away! Well there's always our date." At that Matt began to shiver uncontrollably, and tried to inch further and further away from her.
"Okay, I've seen enough. Back off Blondie, you're scaring the crap outta him. And about this date, I got an idea. How bout we all put the guys' names in a hat and the girls pick from it to see who's with who on the date. Sound good?" Lita suggested to the group.
"But Citizen Lita, you said you were going with me!"
"Tough luck, Super-dip shit. Jeff gimmie your hat. Jeff?" Lita asked, looking down at Jeff, who is still clinging onto Matt's leg, and has now begun to drool. In reply, Jeff just drooled more.
"Any of you assclowns got a pen and paper?" Jericho asked, looking around at everyone.
"I DO, I DO!" Stephanie screamed, as glass broke. Running up to
them, along with her was, a drunken Molly Holly, and Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson. Y2J started to twitch, and the traumatized look appeared on his face once again.
"Duuuuuuuude . . . my . . . ears . . . ow . . . chill." RVD said, covering his ears as the girls reached the group. Seconds later more glass shatters.
"Goodness gracious Citizen Stephanie! You've never broken that much glass before! That must be a new record." Hurricane exclaimed,
gaping at her.
"It wasn't me, it was him!" Stephanie accused, pointing to a figure walking towards them.
"WHAT . . . the hell is going on here? What?" Austin asked coming over to them.
"Group date *twitch* tomorrow night. You and Debra *twitch* are
welcome to *twitch* come." Matt informed in, through a string of twitches.
"Steph, gimmie the paper and pen. Thanks. Okay, the girls are choosing so give me a second to write all the guys names down." Lita said as she took a moment to write all the names down, as there were many. It seemed that there were more men than women, but it did
give Lita a better chance for a semi-sane guy . . . waits there really weren't any of them. The only guy she wanted was Matt.
"Agh! Men suck!" Jazz said, coming out of the gym area, followed by Dawn Marie.
"It's okay to suck." Dawn Marie replied, licking her lips.
"What the hell are you doing here? Isn't it enough that I beat your ass in the Divas Undressed Tournament?" Torrie sneered at Dawn Marie.
"Well I'm not the one whose boyfriend was a judge!"
"Don't make me shove my trophy up your ass!"
"Okay you two whores, um I mean, uh, I look let's just pick from the freakin hat, kay?" Lita said, breaking up the cat fight. One by one the girls picked from the hat, although Jazz and Dawn Marie had no idea why they were doing so. Matt had his fingers crossed the whole time, praying that he wouldn't get Stacy.
"YAY! YAY! MATTYPOO, YOU'RE STILL MY DATE! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! YIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEE! KISS ME YOU FOOL!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" Matt exclaimed in sheer terror before passing out again.
"Don't even try mouth to mouth whore." Lita said, and then threw water on Matt.
"Well, well, well. It looks as if you and I will be going together, Citizen Lita." Hurricane said reading the name on the paper in Lita's hands. It had read Hurri-dork, and she had yet to look at it.
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY?" She screamed, banging her head against the wall, and then passing out next to Matt.
"Oh Jeff! You have the pleasure of taking me on a date! We're gonna have the best time. Of course, you're going to spend lots of money on me . . ." Stephanie said, trailing off. Jeff began to twitch wildly at the thought of this.
"But I'll miss the Power Puff Girls! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He wailed, then he passed out next to Lita.
"Hey, Rob, you look *hiccup*, different. Did you hiccup, get shorter?" Molly asked, taking a swig of her beer. "Anyway, you're my hiccup, date, so-" she said as she stumbles and falls on her butt. "Hiccup, ow. Rob, will you help me up? Rob?"
"Um, uh . . . Molly . . . you're talking . . . *sniff* uh . . . to a plant, *sniff* uh. . . yeah." RVD said, helping her up.
"Huh?"
"You're uh . . . *sniff* drunk . . . uh yeah. But that's uh . . . cool, cause um, uh . . . *sniff* everything's uh . . . cool when you're . . ." He pauses momentarily to do the thumb thing, as he says his name. "Rob Van Dam!"
"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS GOING ON?" Rock asked coming up to them.
"WHAT . . . is that on your face, jackass?" Austin asked The Rock.
"IT'S PIE! PIE! THOSE TWO VALLEY GIRLS ARE DEAD! THEY'RE CANDY ASSES ARE MINE! THEY BRING THE ASS, I BRING THE WHUPPIN'!"
"Oh Rock, you're my date for tomorrow night!" Jazz said excitedly.
"WHO IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU? No, wait the better question is, WHAT in the blue hell are you?" Rock asked, tilting his head sideways, (like he does on TV.)
"I'm um, I'm you're date for tomorrow night, Jazz. You know, former Woman's Champion."
"Women's Champion? Doesn't look like it to me. I have to go on a date with you tomorrow night? Why?" Rock asked, a hint of fear
evident in his voice.
"It's a group date, everyone's going. And I drew your name. Don't worry, I think I can help you with you're pie problem." Jazz replied with a wink, that only made a shiver go down Rock's spine.
"Great, just great. The Billion Dollar Bitch gets Jeffypoo and I get . . ." Trish said as she pauses to look at the piece of paper. "JERICHO! NOOOOOOO!"
"What?" Jericho asked in bewilderment.
"WHAT?"
"Would you please . . . SHUT THE HELL UP, Austin? Geez. What'd you want Trash, I mean Trish?" Jericho asked walking over to her.
"You're my date dumb fuck. Just thought you should know."
"DAMNIT!"
"Yeah, I know, I wanted Jeff. And we all know you wanted Stephy
McScank." Trish said, smirking.
"WHAT?! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jericho screamed, as memories of the previous night flooded his mind.
"WHAT?" Austin yelled, hoping to get a chant going.
"WHAT?!!!! HOW THE HELL DID I GET BIG SHOW?!!" Torrie screamed
in pure shock.
"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled simultaneously.
"Hey, that's my line! Don't make me open up a big 'ol can of whoop ass on ya'll!" Austin warned, popping open a can of beer.
"How the hell did he get in here? I'm so not going on a date with him! What if . . . what if he sits on me?! Or I die of the smell he gives off? Huh? Huh?" Torrie asked worriedly.
"Too bad, you picked him, you date him. Bwahahahahahaha! At least you didn't have to sleep with him . . ." Stephanie said shuddering, as Torrie sniffled.
"Hey what about us? Don't forget about us? I already have a date!" Billy said, grabbing Chucky.
"Where in the blue hell did you jabronies come from? Wait, don't answer that, The Rock has no desire to know."
"You . . . you whores! I can't believe this! Now I'm dateless! How could you forget ME? WHAT ABOUT ME?!!!" Rico yelled, falling out of a broom closet nearby.
"WHAT ABOUT RAVEN?!" Raven yelled, popping out of nowhere.
"Ooooh, excellent style, good hair. He'll do just fine." Rico said looking Raven up and down. Rico then grabbed Raven and pulled him off somewhere, Billy and Chucky at their heels. (A/N- Sorry bout that, we couldn't resist.)
"Oh good it was just a terrible, no good, very bad nightmare." Matt said, waking up and attempted to get up. He then looked around, and sees Stacy running towards him. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! The Rock says back off elf before you give him a heart attack!" The Rock reprimanded as Stacy came to a halt.
"Kay." Stacy said weak voice.
"That was too surreal, somebody please tell me I just did not pick the Hurri-dork for my date." Lita said, waking up and rubbing her eyes.
"Um. . . Citizen Lita, you did just pick me as you're . . .
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Whoa, that was the most freakiest dream in my whole life, I thought I was going to miss the Power Puff Girls and go on a date with Steph, wow that was scary." Jeff said nervously waking up in a cold sweat.
"Um. . . Jeff that was no dream you had." Stephanie informed him with a smirk.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Did everyone choose?" Matt asked as all the divas but Dawn Marie nodded.
"I'm busy tomorrow night. Mr. McMahon needs me for erm, stuff."
"Why the hell are you in this fic anyway? It's not like any of us like you and the authors sure as hell don't like you." Trish pointed out, as everyone else nodded.
"Well um, the authors needed another diva for unexplained reasons, so here I am." (Onthaedge487- "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Live4thaXtreme- "SHUDDUP and type jackass!")
"Let's see, everyone but Kurt, Edge, and Christian has a date. Well, um Kurt doesn't have to go, we just won't tell him cause he couldn't get a date even if he tried. I'll call E & C tonight and inform them about tomorrow and tell them to find dates . . ." Matt said trailing off as the rest of the group nodded.
*That Night*
Matt, Jeff, and to both the Hardyz dismay, Stacy were all seated in the Hardyz hotel room. Matt picked up his cell and dialed Edge's number. It rang a few times until someone finally answered.
"Hello? Who deems them self worthy of speaking to me, KING OF THE WORLD?!" The voice said as Matt rolled his eyes.
"Jericho, put Edge on . . . NOW." Matt said, and soon another voice came on the phone.
"Hi! How are you reeking today?" Edge asked, and again Matt rolled his eyes.
"Just fine thanks. I can't say the same for Jeff though; I don't think he showered today. Anyway look, tomorrow night there's a group outing . . . NO STACY, LEAVE JEFF ALONE! YOU CAN'T BRAID HIS HAIR! Sorry about that, where was I? Oh yeah tomorrow night bring a-"
"CHRISTIAN, THAT'S NOT A TOY! NOOOOOOO! DAMNIT CHRISTIAN! My hair dryer, noooooooo! I'm gonna kill him. Oh sorry, go on."
"I know how you feel. Jeff and Stacy are fighting and it's driving me crazy. If she doesn't get the f*ck out RIGHT NOW, YOU HERE THAT STACY RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna strangle her! Oh right back to the point, you gotta bring a- JEFF, IN THE BATHROOM, NOT OUT IN THE BALCONY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT ALL THOSE SKITTLES AFTER YOU ATE THAT DAMN CORN DOG! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME STACY! Sorry, Jeff's a bit sick and Stacy, well she's a bit dumb, red, bitchy, slutty, skanky . . ."
"HEY!" Stacy yelled loudly obviously offended, loudly enough for Edge to hear her over.
"Dude, we're going through the same thing right now. This totally reeks of hieniousity! Okay lemmie get this straight, there's a group 'outing' tomorrow and Christian and I are invited. What are we supposed- JERICHO GET THE HELL OOT OF MY BATHROOM! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE ON THE ROYAL THRONE, GET THE HELL OUT, YOU'RE REEKING UP THE PLACE CAUSE YOU JUST HAD TO . . . KING OF THE REEKAZIODS IS MORE LIKE IT! SO GET OOT NOW, AND PUT THE SEAT DOWN!" All of a sudden there's a slam heard from Edge's bathroom.
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, THE ROYAL THRONE ATTACKED MY GOLDEN CEPTOR." Jericho shrieked, obviously in A LOT of pain.
"WHAT? I'M NOT HELPING YOU! Hang on Matt, Christian, go help him out, dude cause I'm not going in there. PUT SOME ICE ON IT MAN, I'M SURE IT'LL GO DOWN SOON!" All that could be heard from the bathroom were muffled noises, and the sounds of shuffling feet. "I didn't mean it like that, bro. I meant that it'll stop the swelling."
Upon hearing all of this, Matt was now cringing. "Oh I really, really didn't have to hear that. I really feel bad for us. Anyway bring a da- STACY, STOP TRYING TO LICK ME! LEAVE ME ALONE! NO I DON'T NEED CPR, I'M TOTALLY AWAKE NOW, YOU BIMBO! JEFF, FLUSH THE TOLIET WHEN YOUR DONE AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH THIS TIME!"
"NO CHRISTIAN, I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOU PLAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON THE KAZZOO! UGH, JERICHO GET THE F*CK OOT NOW! YOU DIDN'T EVEN TURN ON THE FAN! USE SOME SPRAY, DUDE, AFTER YOU JUST. . . Matt, I gotta go and kick Jericho's ass, so Christian and I'll see you tomorrow. Bye! JERICHO IF YOU TOUCH MY SHAMPOO-" Edge yelled as he clicked off the phone with much frustration.
"I know how you feel dude. NOOOOO NOT MY TOOTHBRUSH JEFF! GET THE HELL OUT STACY! AHHHHHHHHH! WHERE IS ALL THIS WATER COMING FROM . . . JEFFF! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE? JEFFF!" Matt yelled, frankly even scared to know the cause of the water that was now flooding the room.
"Sorry Matty, I'll stop soon . . . GO DUCKY GO, YOU CAN BEAT MR.
HEYMAN, HE'S SINKING REAL FAST ANYWAYS! MATT THE WATER DOESN'T WANNA STOP! UH OH! I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING." (A/N- By the way, Mr. Heyman is a bath toy . . . a whale to be exact)
"Hello, hello, Edge? Damnit Jeff, you're drowning us all." Matt said frustrated, then looked at Stacy. "Hmmm . . . maybe that's not such a bad thing." Seconds later the phone rings and before Matt has a
chance to say hello . . .
"That's not a bad thing. That's a good thing!" The caller says enthusiastically, then clicks off.
"DDP was that you, hello? Damnit, somebody answer me."
"I can help you with that." Stacy said, flinging herself on top of him.
"Get off me Stacy, I gotta call the restaurant."
"RESTAURANT? MR. DUCKY SAYS WE HAVE TO EAT CHINESEEEE FOOOOOOOOD!" Jeff called from the bath tub.
"WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A CHINESE PLACE IN CANCUN?" Matt yelled back, shaking his head in dismay.
"BUT, BUT MR. DUCKY SAYSSSS WE HAVE TO!"
"FINE, FINE, I CALL A DAMN CHINESE PLACE!" Matt agreed, twitching.
"Well I think we should get. . ." Stacy began, looking over Matt's shoulder.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!" The Rock's *voice* boomed, yet he was nowhere in sight.
"Where the hell did that come from?" Matt asked in bewilderment.
"Does Mr. Ducky wanna go in the hot tub?" Jeff asked, holding the bath toy up to his ear, expecting an answer. He nodded and happily placed Mr. Ducky in the toilet. "Here I'll turn it on for you."
"I found one." Matt said, reading the number in the phone book and then dialed.
"Hello, welcome to nice Chinese restaurant." An employee said in a thick Chinese accent.
"Yeah, hi I'd like to make a reservation for 20 people for 7'oclock tomorrow night."
"Hello, welcome to nice Chinese restaurant." The employee repeated.
"Yeah, you said that already. Um . . . can I make a reservation for 20 people?" Matt asked, getting slightly annoyed.
"Ah . . . ok . . . this is a Chinese restaurant."
"Yeah, I KNOW." Matt said, as a FLUSH could be heard coming from
the bathroom.
"NOOOOOOO MR. DUCKY COME BACK, WHERE'D YOU GO? THIS IS NO TIME FOR HIDE AND SEEK!" Jeff wailed, searching the toilet for his duck.
"You want to make a reservation?" The employee asked, as if they were confused.
"YES, DAMN IT FOR 20 PEOPLE! JEFF, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? STACY, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO GET THE F OUT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING NOW?"
"Reservations for 20 people?"
"YES DAMNIT, STACY GET OFF THE TABLE, I'M NOT THE KING, I DON'T LIKE TRASH LIKE YOU!"
The King, who happened to be passing by, poked his head in the open door to the hotel room and yelled, "PUPPIES!" He then proceeded to seizure.
"But Matt, I got leggggssss." Stacy said, and then held up one of overly long legs. She lost her balance and then falls off the table knocking herself unconscious.
"Oh ok, so reservations for 20 to eat?"
"YES, MAN THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY!" Matt yelled, as
he began to cry.
"DUCKY, WHERE'D YOU GO, I NEED YOU NOW!" Jeff whined, as he stuck his head in the toilet. "UH OH, ME IS IN TROUUUUBLE . . . MATTTTTT!"
"Ok, you want 20 people to eat, yes?"
"YES, AT 7 TOMORROW NIGHT, I HAVE TO GO NOW, BUH BYE!" Matt yelled into the phone and hurriedly hung up. "WHAT NOW JEFF?"
"AH IS STUCK . . . *flush* . . . WOOOOO THIS IS FUN, YOU SHOULD
TRY IT SOMETIME! SWIRLIE! SWIRLIE!"
"WHAT THE HELL NOW? YOU KNOW, MY LIFE IS SHIT!" Matt exclaimed, getting up and walking to the bathroom.
"UH OH MATTTTT, IS THE WATER SUPPOSED TO KEEP COMING OUT LIKE THIS?"
Matt enters the bathroom, and upon seeing Jeff, bangs his head on the wall multiple times. "HOLD ON JEFF, I'LL GET YOU OUT . . . EVENTUALLY. AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH STACY ANY LONGER." He grabs Jeff's legs and starts pulling.
"Oh Matty, where are you?" Stacy called from the bedroom, somehow coming out of her unconscious state. Seconds later she passed out again, the brothers completely unaware. Hearing her voice was just enough to make Matt pass out himself . . . and he did.
Matty? Matty? Hello? Anybody?" Jeff asked, feeling alone. A few hours later, Jeff is asleep with his head in the toilet, although he didn't seem to mind much.
Onthaedg487- "DAMN. That was long!"
Live4thaXtreme- "Oh well but I can't believe we did that to Matt and Jeff, even though I thought it was really funny but that's just me."
Onthaedg487- "Well it was just to set up the group date, so it wasn't supposed to be THAT funny dumb ass."
Live4thaXtreme- "I'm not a dumb ass, I'm a fruity penguin! Haha, you're not a penguin, you're just a fruit!" *dances and waddles around the room*
Onthaedge487- "Yeah I'm not a penguin, but I'm also not mentally unstable." *snaps fingers*
APA- "You rang?"
Onthaedge487- "Yeah, I . . . uh . . . need you to take care of something."
Bradshaw- "How many is it this time?"
Onthaedge487- "Just her." *points to Live4thaXtreme who's still waddling around like a fruit loop*
Live4thaXtreme- "I'M A FRUITY PENGUIN! I'M A FRUITY PENGUIN! YIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Faarooq- "Well I'll be damned. There really is someone fruitier than Angle! And they said it couldn't be done!"
Onthaedge487- "Yes well, if you don't mind getting rid of her, like um, NOW!"
Live4thaXtreme- "No, not again, not the leash, AHHHHHHHHHHHH . . ."
Bradshaw- "Fine." *they pick up Live4thaXtreme and throw her outside in a nearby dumpster*
Onthaedge487- "That's what you get for shoving a moldy, dirty, filthy, disgusting, sock in my mouth! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Mankind- *somewhere far away* "Mr. Socko? Mr. Socko? MR. SOCKO?!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Faarooq- "Anyways, payment?"
Onthaedge487- "Right, here's your keg Bradshaw, and here's yours Faarooq. Thanks, but I'll be needing your assistance when my little brother gets home so why not stay."
Bradshaw- "Sure." *pops open his beer*
Faarooq- "Anyone up for some poker? *pulls out deck of cards*
Live4thaXtreme- *muffled noises from dumpster*
Onthaedge478- *deals cards* "Oh and for those of you who are actually reading this, we'll get another chapter up as soon as possible, but school's starting and all. *shivers* The next chapter'll have the group date in its entirety, and hopefully will be more funny. We know it's taking forever to get through this, I mean its chapter 7 & we just finished day 3! We'll uh, try to speed it up for you. Maybe day 4 will only be one chapter! Wishful thinking." *sweat drop*
Live4thaXtreme- *from dumpster* "Damn it smells in here. Is that a banana? No, no it's not; I was really off, EWWWWWWWWWW! Any who, if you have any ideas for this story or want to see a superstar do something, or make an appearance, just write it in your review. *hint, hint* HEY, I GOT OUT OF THE DUMPSTER! YAY! HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW! I'M STILL A FRUITY-"
Onthaedge487- *throws shoe though window & it hits Live4thaXtreme & she falls back into dumpster* "Quiet down there! Now, how bout the loser takes out the trash?" *talking to APA, and indicating the dumpster outside*
Live4thaXtreme- *unconscious*
Onthaedge487- "Can you guys please tell the readers out there what that fruit was attempting to say?"
APA- "PLEASE READ & REVIEW, or we'll beat you're asses to the ground!"