WWE- Spring Break in Cancun
Chapter 9
The Chaos Begins (The Group Date -Part 1 Bwahahahaha!)
Day 4 (First Part . . . BWAHAHAHAHA!)
Disclaimer-
Onthaedge487- "Hey Faarooq, do you fold?"
Faarooq- "YOU STOLE ALL MY MONEY! WOOF!" *throws cards down on table*
Onthaedge487- *wipes spit off face* "I'll take that as a yes. PAY UP!"
Bradshaw- "YA CAN'T MAKE US, YOU DON'T OWN US, OR ANY OF THE OTHER SUPERSTARS, REMEMBER?"
Live4thaXtreme- "THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T OWN SHIT, SUCKA!"
Booker T- *pops in* "Now can you dig that SUCKA?!" *pops out*
Onthaedge487- "Damn, that's right. Well neither do you, so shuddup! How bout another round then?"
Live4thaXtreme- "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER, ONTHAEDGE487!"
Onthaedge487- "SHUDDUP." *throws lamp out the window.*
Live4thaXtreme- "HA, YA MISSED, YA MISSED, HOW DO YA LIKE ME-" *gets hit by a large plant*
Onthaedge487- "I DIDN'T MISS THIS TIME YA FRUIT LOOP! HOW DO YA LIKE THAT? AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP SAYING HARDCORE HOLLY'S CATCH PHARSE? IT'S PISSING ME OFF!"
Bradshaw- "You got any more beer?"
Austin- *pops in* "WHAT? BEER? WHAT?"
Onthaedge487- "Nope, Austin drank it all but I got some white zinfandel. Oh wait, I drank all that too. . ."
Faarooq- "DAMN!"
Austin- "WHAT? THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DRINK? WHAT?"
Kurt Angle- *pops in* "I have some refreshing milk that we all can drink!" *pulls out carton of milk*
Live4thaXtreme- "I FOUND SOMETHIN' IN HERE THAT LOOKS LIKE KOOL-AID, IF I CAN INTREST YA?! AND AS FOR YOU ANGLE, GUESS WHO I FOUND DOWN HERE?" *yelling from dumpster below the window*
Angle- "Who, WHO?"
Live4thaXtreme- "Your dumb ass stuffed piece of shit bunny! I think something's getting jiggy with your bunny, though!"
Angle- "MR. FLUFFUMS! NOOOOOOOOO! I'LL SAVE YOU!" *jumps out the window, & lands in the dumpster five flights below*
Live4thaXtreme- "YOU ONLY LIVE IN A ONE STORY HOUSE, WHERE THE HELL DID THE FIVE FLIGHTS COME FROM?"
Onthaedge487- "Shhhh, nobody needed to know that, I just wanted to torture Angle. Now shut the hell up."
Live4thaXtreme- "MAKE ME!
Onthaedge487- "Oh that's it . . ." *with the help of Austin & APA they throw a big screen TV at Live4thaXtreme *
Live4thaXtreme- *unconscious . . . AGAIN and foaming at the mouth for some odd reason*
Bradshaw- "Can we get on with the story? PLEASE?"
Onthaedge487- "Oh right, I forgot about that. Don't mind us people we're just psycho as Edge kindly told us before. DAMNIT EDGE WHY COULDN'T YOU TAKE ME WITH YOU? *cries* Um, yeah read on people."
*WARNING*
There is some strong Language in this chapter, as well as some *gross* parts (it's not TOO bad). You'll see what we mean . . . we are apologizing for anything that may offend anyone, or may gross anyone out in advance. Um, we kinda wrote most of this at late hours, so we were tired, crazy & hyper. Oh & sorry for not updating in SO long! How long has it been now? *shrugz* We were working on this in the summer, and now it's well into the school year. We had a bad case of writer's block, & no time to work on this. We'll we're back if anyone missed us . . . so read on!
*The night of the date*
"Dude, are you sure this is the right restaurant, where is everybody?" Christian asked looking up at the small Chinese restaurant.
"I don't know bro; Matt told me this was the place." Edge answered. Seconds later, Matt and Stacy arrive. Matt bolts for Edge and Christian, running at top speed.
"STACY, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! NO, NO I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU'RE FREAKING LEGS! WHHHYYY? Oh hey guys, you made it."
"Totally, but this place reeks of stinkitude! I don't want to eat here!" Christian pouted, as his lip began to tremble. Oh yes another one of his infamous tantrums was ahead.
"But Matty, wait for meeeeee!" Stacy exclaimed, running after Matt but tripped over herself, and in turn fell flat on her face. "OUCH! My face!"
"Yeah, you're not the only one who's hurting." Matt said, in a half satisfied tone. Steph and Jeff are the next pair to arrive.
"POWER PUFF GIRLS, I'M MISSING MY FAVORITE EPISODE, NOOOOOOO AND PLUS NOBODY GOT ME SKITTLES! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH." Jeff wailed, now in tears.
"It'll be okay Jeff; I promise we'll have a fun time tonight and you'll forget all about those damn Power Puff Girls." Stephanie attempted to shout over the racket Jeff was making. Just then Molly and RVD, Jazz and Rock, Trish and Y2J, Torrie and Big Show, and Debra and Austin arrive. (Nice timing guys and a helluva lot less work for the authors.)
"Where are you're dates, juniors?" Y2J asked smugly referring to Edge and Christian.
"Dude, what are you talking aboot?" Edge asked nervously, his Canadian accent becoming noticeable.
"Yeah, man?" Christian said, in bewilderment.
"You were supposed to bring dates . . . yeah . . . ha . . . ha." Rob informed and proceeded to take another sniff of his white out. Talk about obsessions . . .
"Unless you two jabronies are together." The Rock suggested. "WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE DATES?" Christian yelled kicking a trash can to the ground. They then see a black cat walking out of it. Christian flinches at the sight of it.
"You, hiccup, aren't, hiccup, su . . . su . . . super . . . sty . . . superstitious, hiccup, are you, hiccup?" Molly slurred, through several hiccups. She crunched her empty beer can and threw it to the ground.
"Black cat running a . . . way." Christian stuttered.
"Dude, we're not together but somebody didn't tell us we needed to be here with dates." Edge said a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"I'm sorry dude, but you know our room turned into an aquarium." Matt explained, glaring at Jeff. Jeff gave a shy smile and a small wave to everyone before turning to his brother.
"But Mr. Ducky was drowning." Jeff whimpered, remembering the previous night's events.
"YO, YO, alright we'll be right back; we'll go and find dates." Edge said, as he grabbed a frozen Christian. As Edge and Christian leave to find dates, Hurricane and Lita pull up in the Hurri-Cycle.
"It took us long enough, you mother *beep* son of a *beep*, *beep* licking, bitch." Lita swore, and chucked her helmet at Hurricane. (A/N- Sorry about all the *beeps*. Not to sound like RTC, but we do have the right to censor, people!!!)
"I'm sorry citizen Lita, it's not my fault that the Hurri-cycle broke down, so we had to push it to a gas station and you had to use the rest of your money."
"DON'T REMIND ME, YOU SON BITCH." Lita roared, her cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red. Wow, was she pissed.
"Can we go in now cause frankly she's scaring the living shit outta me." Trish asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
"Oh you want some of this too?" Lita asked, her tone becoming even more edgy.
"Please no, I'm still hurting from last time." Trish replied nervously as they walked inside the restaurant.
"Welcome to nice Chinese restaurant, how may we help you?" an employee asked.
"Hi, I made reservations for 20 people. It should be under the name Matt Hardy."
"Oh ok, welcome to nice Chinese restaurant. Do you wish to eat, ya?"
"Oh here we go, I MADE RESERVATIONS FOR 20 GOD DAMN PEOPLE TO EAT DAMNIT." Matt repeated irritably.
"Ooooooooh, I see, would you like to eat?" The employee asked, with a thick Chinese accent.
"WHAT THE HELL, MY LIFE IS A PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT. THAT'S IT EVERYBODY FOLLOW ME CAUSE I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE." Matt yelled, as tears brim in his eyes as he begins to twitch yet again. Everyone follows Matt to a long table seating 20 people, 10 on each side. The seating chart is in chapter 8, sorry. Heh . . .
*Meanwhile*
Edge and Christian are walking down a dark deserted street, hoping to find full on scorch cakes to accompany them to the 'group date'. The street was completely silent except for Christian's stifled sobs and the pounding of their footsteps on the pavement.
"Dude, do you hear something?" Christian asked, completely panic stricken. He looked around nervously, hoping to locate the noise.
"Huh? No dude lay off the pie."
"BUT IT WAS SOOOOOOO GOOD!" Christian exclaimed.
"Yea, and the Rock is so totally gonna kick our asses for that little stunt we pulled. Dude, get off me!" Edge said, trying to detach Christian from his left arm. "Off the merchandise, I need that for the ladies!"
"What ladies? The only lady that loves ya is yo mamma! Hey dawg, you've just been punked, yo!" Christian yelled, making ghetto hand motions.
"Dude, SHUT THE HELL UP! You're a Canadian, dumbass. AND WE HAVE THE SAME MOTHER, YOU PIECE OF BLOND SHIT!"
"Oh. Well Grandma Edna loves me more, YO, yes she does, yes she does!" Christian stated a psychotic glint in his eye.
"Suuuuure she does. Over course, the women constantly calls you Christina, and buys you those pretty frilly dresses for the tea party with the stuffed animals . . ." Edge trailed off as Christian's face turned a brilliant shade of red.
"NO ONE'S SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT! Besides, I only have to wear the dr . . . outfits when we visit her! I don't- do you hear something? I think we're being followed dude!" Christian cowered behind his brother in fear.
"Dude, it's nothing. Hold up, I gotta tie my shoes." They paused; as Edge bent down to tie his shoe. Every so often Christian snuck a nervous glance over his shoulder.
"How long does it take you to tie your freaking shoe?"
"Uh . . . I'm having issues. Damn laces!"
"What the . . . ?" Christian trialed off, as he gaped open mouth at a large bush a few feet behind them, sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. "Dude, was that bush there before?" Christian asked, rubbing his eyes, to make sure his vision wasn't blurred.
"What the hell are you . . . oh. I don't remember that there. Oh well, maybe we didn't see it." Edge said shrugging it off. As they proceeded on their journey to find dates, Christian stopped abruptly, causing Edge to run into him.
"Edge, are you walking?"
"No, are you?"
"Dude, I'm in front of you! Of course I'm not walking! If you're not walking, and I'm not walking, then who do those footsteps belong to?" No sooner had the words come out of Christian's mouth, when both he and Edge were tackled from behind to the ground. They hit the pavement hard, having no idea what had occurred.
"Christian, did you hit me?"
"Owwww, someone's sitting on my . . . owwwwwww!" Christian exclaimed. "What the . . . BILLY AND CHUCK? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? AND CHUCK DO YOU MIND GETTING OFF ME, OR AT LEAST SHIFTING YOU'RE WEIGHT! Oi vey, thank you." Christian got up and dusted himself off, Edge following his suit.
"That was so totally heinous! Now our clothes are dirty!" Edge exclaimed, brandishing a finger at Billy and Chuck. "And would you please explain why you jumped us?" Billy and Chuck looked at each other for a moment, and smirked.
"We heard you were looking for dates." Billy said, moving closer to Edge. Chuck nodded, as he too advanced on Christian.
"Huh? What the hell is going on?" Christian asked, in an extremely confused state. It seemed, when he fell he had hit his head pretty hard, most likely causing the loss of brain cells. Chuck continued to move closer, and smirked.
"If you don't know, I'll show you." He grabbed Christian's arm, attempting to pull him away, but Christian wouldn't budge.
"Show me what?"
"Oh this will be fun, I promise." Chuck said seductively. Billy, who now had Edge cornered up against the wall, was trying to persuade Edge into letting him be his date. Edge gulped back a lump that had been forming in his throat.
"Come on Edge, it's just, you look SO good to me!" Billy exclaimed, hoping the rather cheesy line would convince the Canadian.
"Christian . . . HELP!" Edge squeaked out. Christian looked up with curiosity.
"To help Edge or not to help Edge, that is the question." Christian pondered. "Nahhh. So Chuck, you haven't seen any black cats around have you?"
"Look Edge, I'm better than ANY scorch cake! Look at me, you know I look good. You can't deny it!" Billy declared, flexing his muscles in front of a horrified Edge.
"Look dudes, we, we uh already have dates. Yea that's it. They're waiting for us right now. Yup, come Christian, let's go." Edge said, moving away from Billy and grabbing Christian's arm, as they both began to run at high speed. Once they were sure Billy and Chuck were out of sight, they stopped to catch their breath. (A/N- Sorry the whole thing w/Billy & Chuck sucked, it was based on a really good idea from only1teamXtreme, but we kinda changed it around a little & it didn't come out as good as we wanted. If we offended anyone in this chap we apologize! We actually like Billy & Chuck; it was just funnier this way.)
"Hey Christian, let's split up and we'll meet back at the restaurant." Edge suggested, looking at his brother.
"WHAT? Dude, I can't wander the streets alone besides you know what might happen." Christian said nervously, glancing at Edge.
"What are you talking aboot? What will happen?"
"Dude, the black cat was a sign, it had bright yellow eyes and. . . and . . . . and you just can't leave me alone. And what if we don't find dates?" Christian begged, beginning to shake. "I guess we could always go with Billy and Chuck . . . but then people might get the wrong idea . . ." Christian said aloud.
"Uh, whatever, dude, oooooooh full on scorch cake dead ahead, later dude." Edge said, tilting his sunglasses so he could check out the scorch cake
"Noooo not if I get to her first!" Christian exclaimed, and started to run at a rapid pace and accidentally runs into her, knocking her down. "OW, WHAT THE HELL? CAN'T YOU WALK YOU FREAK?" The 'scorch cake' yelled, dropping her cell.
"I'm sorry, but my stupid brother, wasn't looking where he was going." Edge apologized. The scorch cake had her back to them, collecting the spilled contents from her purse and her cell phone.
"Yeah, sorry, but would you like to. . ." Christian began timidly.
"Go on a date with me?" Edge asked bluntly. The 'scorch cake turned around, and to E & C's surprise it is . . .
"DAWN MARIE!!" Edge and Christian exclaimed simultaneously.
"Um. . . Mr. McMahon, can you hold on a minute? Wait did one of you guys just ask me out on a date?" Dawn asked, with a confused look on her face.
"Yeah, me." E&C said at the same time, yet again.
"Oh ok, um . . . Mr. McMahon, I'm gonna have to cancel our plans tonight, something really important just up."
"DAWN, DAWN, WHAT THE HELL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR PLANS TONIGHT, DAMNIT. YOU'RE. . . YOU'RE . . . FFFFFFF." McMahon yelled, as Dawn clicks off.
"So let me get this straight, both of you want to go out with me?"
"Yup." E&C answered simultaneously.
"Oh, ok well I'll go with you Edge." Dawn decided
"YESSSSSS, dude, you lost, I won, I won!" Edge exclaimed, doing that sexy Cheshire cat grin that we all know and love.
"NOOOOOOOOO, I LOST, I LOST!" Christian yelled and prepared to throw a tantrum.
"What the hell, you're making him throw ANOTHER tantrum?" Live4thaXtreme yelled as she looks at the computer screen.
"What? I think Christian looks hot when he's all pissed off." Onthaedge487 replied.
"Hey, who the hell are you?" Edge asked, trying to follow the voices. Christian simply sniffled, and looked up at the sky in awe.
"The authors, you sexy blond Canadian." Onthaedge487 answered, suddenly appearing in thin air. "Come here Edgey . . ." She said, as she advanced on him, licking her lips. Edge gulped, this was getting freaky.
"Hey WAIT FOR ME, YA SPUD!" Suddenly Live4thaXtreme popped into the nearby trash can, next to Christian. "DAMN IT, WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN?! I can neva get the landing right! Grrrr . . ."
"Now I'm scared . . ." Christian sobbed as a fresh batch of tears flooded his cheeks.
"Why are you here?"
"Uh . . . Onthaedge487, you wanna handle that one?"
"Um, sure." She answered glaring at Live4thaXtreme. "We're here . . . um, we're here . . . oh I know! We're here to provide scorch cakes for Christian!" Onthaedge487 exclaimed, proud that she had come up with something under pressure. Seconds later, two girls popped up looking almost identical to the authors . . . older altar egos you could say, across the street. Christian, who had not heard this, was still teary eyed, as Dawn Marie continually supplied him with tissues . . . from the trash.
"Dude, get a grip, look there's some scorch cakes over there across the street sitting on a bench." Edge informed. The authors, realizing their job was done, nodded and got ready to leave. Live4thaXtreme popped out first, and then Onthaedge487. But just before she was about to leave she gave Edge a quick pinch in the butt. Before he even knew what had happened, poof she was gone.
"Oooooooooooh." Christian said, finally realizing what his brother had told him. He began to run across the street to two girls, and realized one was talking on a cell while the other reading a WWE magazine... "Yes, some fan girls!"
"Oooooooooh. They look so HOT in this pic! Hello, Melinda looky, looky, it's. . ." Amanda visibly starts to drool as she brandishes the magazine in her friends face.
"SHUDDUP YA FRUIT, I'M TRYING TO SEE IF WE CAN GET TICKETS TO THE NEXT PAY- PER-VIEW COMING UP!" Melinda yelled bearing her teeth, as Amanda recoiled, whimpering.
"But . . . but look at this really, really HOT picture of . . . the Hardyz, Edge and Christian, Y2J and Hurricane."
"Finally some girls who actually like me! I LUV CANCUN! HEY, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WALKING HERE, YOU REEKAZOID?!" Christian yelled, as several cars drive past him narrowly hitting him.
"GET OUTTA THE ROAD, YOU FRUIT CAKE; WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?" An angry driver yelled and angrily flips Christian the bird.
"SCOREEEEEEEEEEEE, WE GOT THE TICKETS, EVEN THOUGH THEY SUCK!" Melinda shouted at the top of her lungs. She climbed on top of the bench and did a victory dance. Amanda would have joined in but she was busy drowning in her own puddle of drool to notice.
"It should be illegal to be that freaking HOT!" Amanda mumbled, staring at her picture. Finally Christian reaches the girls, although he is a little frazzled.
"Hey either one of you girls wanna go on a date with me?" Christian asked breathlessly, sweating profusely.
"HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE. . . YOU'RE. . ." Amanda screamed in shock, breathing heavily.
Melinda, in total shock and surprise, drops her cell phone. "SHIT, YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT, BUDDY!" She yelled at Christian, as she looked down at what she thought was her busted cell phone.
"BUT IT'S . . . IT'S. . . HOLD ON!" Amanda screeched, nearly making Christian go deaf. She grabs a paper bag from a near by trash can and hyper ventilates. "CHR. . . CHR. . . CHRIST. . . CHRISTIAN!"
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF HE'S ELVIS; OR THE FREAKING QUEEN OF ENGLAND! I WANT YOU TO PAY UP NOW, SUCKAAAA!"
"Now I'm scared, but would either of you like to go out on a date with me?" Christian asked, trembling in his boots.
"I'D LOVE TO . . ." Amanda replied, and then passes out.
"A. . . I would but. . ." Melinda started but also passes out because someone who shall remain nameless, *cough, Amanda, cough* threw a television at her and did I mention a very large plant. Therefore she has, let's just say a few concussions.
"Damn it, just my luck, fucking cat, I hope her cell phone's still working." Christian picks up Melinda's cell and calls Matt.
"Ello?" Matt asked on the other line.
"Dude, um. . . I got a problem; two girls I tried to ask out are now unconscious." Christian said rather ashamed of the situation.
"Did you hit them with a chair?"
"Dude, course not, but could you send somebody to help me, like now?"
"Ahhh, sureeeeeeeeeee, I can do that for you, somebody will be, wait where are you?" Matt asked, as he tried unlatching Stacy from his left arm.
"I'm um . . . hold on." Christian said, unsure. He looks around for anything familiar, and sees a restaurant. "Nice Chinese Restaurant he read the sign aloud." A light blush crept over his face. He'd thought he had been lost for good. "Oh I'm across the street, I knew that."
"Alright, somebody's coming to help ya."
"Thanks." Christian sighed, and hung up.
*In the restaurant*
"HEY MATT, WHO CALLED?" Big Show yelled from the other end of the table.
"Oh it was only Christian; he needs some help across the street." Matt answered, putting his phone back in his pocket. Just then, Edge finally arrives at the restaurant with Dawn.
"Dude, what happened, did something bad happen?" Edge asked a hint of worry in his voice. He had overheard Matt say Christian called, and wanted to know what was up. "Christian isn't known to be the brightest crayon in the box ya know." Edge said.
"No, he's just across the street with two unconscious fan girls. He needs somebody's help though." Matt replied, shaking his head dismissively. The superstars then see a figure slowly walking toward them with the assistance of a walker.
"Hey guys, what's up?" The person asked cheerfully.
"WHAT? I SAID WHAT? SPEAK UP TERRI; I CAN'T HEAR YA FROM DOWN HERE!"
"BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS AUSTIN; I WASN'T EVEN TALKING TO YOU!" Terri screamed, giving the Texas Rattle Snake the Bird.
"WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN?!"
"Now Steve, calm down, she's just a crotchety old woman. She doesn't know what she's saying; she probably escaped from the nursing home honey. Let's just look at our menus, okay?" Debra said soothingly, yet rather firmly.
"Yes dear." Austin agreed.
"CAN YOU SAY WHIPPED? WAHTSH!" Y2J shouted, making whipping noises and hand movements, as Austin gives him a death stare
"I gotta . . . hiccup . . . get me . . . hiccup some beer. NOW!" Molly said, nearly falling out of her chair.
"Me too." Austin said, rubbing his beer belly.
"When did you start using a walker, Terri?" Lita asked, looking at her fellow Diva oddly.
"Well I only need to use it when I walk long distances, like to the parking lot . . . or to the bathroom."
"Hey, Terri wanna do us a favor?" Edge asked, giving her puppy dog eyes. Now that was enough to make any girl melt . . . or piss their pants, which ever came first.
"I'd do anything for you Edge." Terri replied, beginning to drool.
"HEY, QUIT LOOKIN AT MY MAN!" Dawn screeched, getting up and slapping Terri.
Terri in turn falls down at the hard hit that Dawn just gave her. "HEY, YOU BITCH, YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO THE SHE-DEVIL! Ouch, you . . . you . . . little wannabe slut! Why aren't you assisting Mr. McMahon with something?" Terri spat vehemently. With the help of her walker she was able to get up, and whack Dawn with it, knocking Dawn down.
"That's it." Dawn said rather annoyed, getting up. She was about to push Terri down once more, but Edge gets between them.
"Wait a minute, Um. . . Terri could you be a doll and help Christian across the street, he needs someone's assistance and I think you would be perfect for the job." Edge said sweetly, giving her a winning smile.
"Alright, I'll go just for you and to get away from that piece of trash. Bye boys!" Terri waves flirtatiously at Matt, Edge and Jeff, and then slowly turns around with her walker, and about twenty minutes later is out the door.
*Meanwhile*
"Where the hell is the help I sent for? It's been like a half hour since I called! I WON'T STAND FOR THIS! NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR!" Christian cried, and yet again throws a tantrum. About ten minutes later, he is approached by a woman.
"Um, Christian, could you stop flailing your arms about like that, you almost hit me."
"Terri? Terri? What the hell are you doing here?" Christian asked, pausing in mid-tantrum.
"I'm here to help you! So what do I have to do? Take off my clothes? I can do that, I can!" Terri exclaimed, and went to unbutton her shirt.
"HELL NO! Look, I need real help, some one who can help me carry these girls! NOT SOME ONE WHO CAN BEARLY WALK! AHHHHHHHH! I'LL KILL EDGE!" He yelled then grabs the cell. Christian dials Matt's number, mumbling incoherently to himself as he does so.
"Hello?" Matt asked, although he seemed to have a pretty good idea of who the caller could be.
"WHAT THE HELL, I ASKED FOR HELP NOT A CRICKETY CRACKETY OLD BATALAX, WHO ALMOST BROKE A HIP TRYING TO CROSS THE FREAKING STREET. STOP FLASHING ME TERRI, DAMNIT I DON'T NEED SEE THOSE WRINKLY, OLD, PRUNY. . ." Christian trailed off, grossing himself out.
"AHHHHHHHHHH, dude stop, you're scaring me, I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life and it was Edge's idea to send her not me so don't start yelling at me." Matt said, shaking the images of Terri out of his mind. The last thing he needed was to go blind or totally insane.
"AT LEAST YOU CAN'T SEE THEM, WHAT THE HELL, PUT EDGE ON THE PHONE NOW BEFORE I HAVE A HEART ATTACK." Christian yelled, as he began to hyper ventilate.
"Dude, I hate to tell this but I think you already are. And what the HELL ARE YOU DOING JEFF! PUT THE STRAW DOWN! NO, NOT THERE!"
"PUT EDGE ON THE PHONE!!!!"
"Alright, alright hold on. STACY NOT NOW, DAMN IT!" There was a pause as Matt tried to detangle himself from Stacy. From the other line Christian could hear what sounded like a crash, like something shattered, then someone saying 'Whoopsy.' "YES JEFF THAT WAS A VALUEABLE PLATE, WHY? OH SHIT, NOT AGAIN JEFF!" Matt yelled as he distractedly passed the phone to Edge, and then tended to the large mess his brother had just made.
"Hey Christian, how's it hanging?" Edge asked nonchalantly.
"HOW'S IT HANGING? IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY? YOU DORK CHOP, YOU SENT ME A FREAKING DINOSAUR! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"
"Dude, I thought dinosaurs were extinct."
"WELL SHE SHOULD BE, NOW SEND ME SOME REALLLL HELP OR I'LL DYE YOUR HAIR PINK WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING!" Christian yelled, so loud Edge had to hold the phone away from his ear.
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Edge squeaked out, imagining his long blond locks being dyed a horrid shade of pink.
"What's wrong with pink? I happen to think it's a very nice color." Jeff commented.
"Here, here!" Y2J agreed, nodding his head at the younger Hardy. "I love to be Pretty in Pink . . . Oh bloody hell; did I just say that out loud?" Jericho said, as he began to turn a brilliant shade of red. Everyone was laughing and pointing at him, much to his dismay.
"Oh and did I ever tell you guys I dyed Matt's hair blonde?" Jeff asked absently.
"And you will pay for that Jeff." Matt promised.
"Noooo, I just needed a test dummy." Jeff whined, not wanted to get a beating later.
"You calling me a dummy?" Matt asked, glaring at his younger brother.
"HEY I CAN'T HEAR CHRISTIAN WHINNING, SHUDDUP!" Edge yelled, and a silence fell over the table.
"Sorry." Matt and Jeff said simultaneously.
"JUST SEND SOMEBODY TO HELP ME NOW!!" Christian yelled, and then hung up.
"Hello, hello, he hung up on me, that whore." Edge said glaring down at the phone.
"I would be more than happy to help Citizen Christian. Where is he?" Hurricane offered, jumping up from his seat.
"Dude he's across the street." Edge informed, as smirks and chuckles spread throughout the table. "Oh I see, well I'll be back before you know it." Hurricane assures the group. He does a heroic superhero pose, and adjusts his cape.
"Good, take as long as you like, I'll be alright by myself." Lita said, trying to hide her happiness. Hurricane winked at her, then rushed out to go and help Christian.
"Stand back there's a Hurricane coming through! Have no fear Citizen Christian, the Hurricane is here!"
"Great, they send me the hurri-dork. Who next? Stacy, wait she wouldn't leave Matt's side for anything." Christian sighed, shaking his head.
"So Citizen Christian, what do you need assistance with?"
"Well somebody was supposed to help with these two unconscious girls but now I'm thinking that Terri needs some help."
"What are you talking about I do not need any help." Terri assured him.
"So what would you like me to do, Citizen Christian?" Hurricane asked.
"Just help me carry these two back to the restaurant." Christian said pointing to Amanda and Melinda's prone figures.
"I can do that." Hurricane said, puffing out his chest with pride. Hurricane picked up Melinda and Christian puts Amanda over one shoulder as they walk back to the restaurant. Terri is struggling to walk along side them, but fails to do so.
"Wait up you two; I can't cross the street by myself." Terri calls to their retreating figures.
"Tough luck." Christian said. He was in no mood to wait for her; it would take her ages to cross the street.
"But, but . . ." Terri whimpered.
"Sucks to be you, don't it?" Christian said dully and continued walking. Hurricane, being the superhero that he is, pulled on Christian's arm. "What?"
"It would be un-superhero like to just leave a damsel in distress." Hurricane reminded the Canadian.
"I'm NOT a superhero, remember?"
"Yes, but . . . uh it would be un-gentlemanlike. You are a gentleman aren't you?" Hurricane asked, emphasizing the last sentence.
"I should be offended. I should, but I just wanna GO." Both Hurricane and Terri gave him their best puppy dog faces. "FINE, I'LL CROSS THE DAMN STREET WITH YOU! Only if you both promise NEVER to do a puppy dog face in my presence again . . . it's just plain freaky."
"Promise." Hurricane and Terri agreed. Hurricane and Christian waited for Terri so they all cross the street eventually and enter the restaurant.
"Hey you guys finally made it." Torrie commented, smiling.
"Yeah, no thanks to Edge." Christian growled.
"Dude, you wanted help so you got help." Edge countered.
"Yeah, by an old woman." Christian said placing Amanda in an empty booth, then sitting down next to Dawn followed by Terri.
"At least it was help." Edge reminded him.
"You know just fuck off." Christian grunted, glaring at his grinning brother.
"Damnit they came back too soon." Lita said irritated, as she snapped her fingers in disappointment.
"Anyways, as I was saying, Mr. McMahon is simply the best boss in the entire WORLD." Dawn babbled spreading her arms, whacking Edge and Christian in the head.
"Owwwwwww." They whined.
"Oh sorry about that." Meanwhile near the end of the table, Hurricane also sets Melinda down on the other side of the booth, which happened to be next to their table.
Author's Notes-
Onthaedge487- "Heh, sorry to leave it like that, but the chapter got soooooo long that we had to spit the 'group date' up into two sections."
Live4thaXtreme-"YEP, IT WAS WICKED LONG! AND WICKED GROSS . . . AND WICKED WEIRD AND WICKED . . ."
Onthaedge487- "Hey, how the hell did you get up here? You were unconscious in the freaking dumpster the last time I checked."
Live4thaXtreme- "Angle came along and woke me up. He got to poking around in mah territory . . . then he whacked me with a carton of milk. He's looking for that damn bunny . . . I uh . . . think I ate it."
Onthaedge487- "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! You nasty! And please take a bath for cripes sake!" *holding nose, about out to pass out*
Live4thaXtreme- "What? A girl's gotta eat! And for your info, I smell wonderful . . . like delicate rose petals on a warm summer day." *Onthaedge487 smacks her upside the head* "OW! What the hell was that for, ya French Fry?"
Onthaedge487- "I ain't no French fry, I'm a Spud, you sick f-f-f-f- freak!" *does Peoples Eyebrow just for the hell of it*
Bradshaw- "Do y'all got some bear? I'm tellin' ya, this place needs some fixin' up . . ."
Faarooq- "I hear ya. It needs a big 'ol bar over there, with an endless supply of beer . . ." *starts to drool*
Angle- *yelling from the dumpster below* "MR. FLUFFUMS, I FOUND YOU! OH I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! MUAH!" *snuggles the soiled and tattered 'stuffed animal' and plants a big old wet one on it*
Onthaedge487- "I thought you said you ate Mr. Fluffums?"
Live4thaXtreme- "I did . . . I think." *burps up a piece of fluff * "Yea, that was him." *grins*
Onthaedge487- "Well if you ate the damn stuffed animal, then who . . .?"
Angle- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! EWWWWWWWWW, GET AWAY FROM ME YOU STUPID RACCOON! OWWWWWWW, OWWWWWWWWW, GET OFF! EWWWWWWW, IT'S LICKING ME! SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF MILK, HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP ME!" *the raccoon continues to attack Angle mercilessly in the dumpster as the APA, Onthaedge487 & Live4thaXtreme run to the window to watch*
Bradshaw- "Pass the popcorn." *Onthaedge487 pops some into her mouth before passing the popcorn to the large Texan*
Faarooq- "DAMN . . . that's some freaky sh*t."
Onthaedge487- "What do you expect, we wrote it." *points to herself and Live4thaXtreme*
Live4thaXtreme- "Now boys, do you mind telling the kind readers what to do?"
Bradshaw- "Screw a tree?"
Onthaedge487- "No, no, that's Bitch-off! How many times must we tell you?"
Bischoff *cough*Bitch-off*cough*- "I'M BACK! I don't appreciate you bashing me . . . and I think you're 3 minutes are up. Oh my did I just hear myself day 3 . . . OWWWWW!" *Onthaedge487 kicks him in the crotch, as Live4thaXtreme punches him in the stomach* "Mommy . . ." *APA throws him out the window, but he misses the dumpster, falling onto the hard concrete of the 50 story building*
Live4thaXtreme- "We really need to start locking the door. Well that takes care of him . . . I'M THE NEW GM OF RAW!!!"
Onthaedge487- "Awww hell no! I kicked him first; I get to be the GM!" *the girls proceed to get into a bitch fight, clawing and slapping each other. The APA turn to you, the readers.*
Faarooq- "What they were trying to say is . . ."
Bradshaw- "Please read and review this lame ass fic or . . ."
ALL- "WE'LL COME DOWN THEY'RE AND GIVE YOU THE WHUPPIN' OF YOUR LIFETIME!" *everyone waves at the wonderful reviewers*
A/N2-
If you guys want to be in this fic, just tell us. We won't guarantee that you'll be in it, but we'll sure try to find parts for everyone. You'll either just be a crazed fan, or an everyday person on the job. List several names of people who you would like to interact with/glomp. If there is an overwhelming amount of people who would like to interact with the same superstar, that superstar will be put in a cage for all to gawk at. So, choose wisely. If you'd like to see other superstars in this story who aren't please tell us & try to submit an idea of what they could be doing. We'd like to thank only1teamXtreme & Diva-Xtreme for their ideas, which we used, although we twisted them around a bit & mixed them with our ideas to fit the story as we wanted it. If you submitted an idea or would like to submit an idea, we'll *try* to use it (*try* being the key word). We would especially like to hear your ideas for Angle's plot to get revenge on Lita. We had an idea, but we took so long to execute it that we kinda forgot what it was. We know, we're idiots. As long as you're idea includes milk and is semi-funny, then we'll consider it, so please submit one! The next part should *hopefully* be up soon. Thanks for all your reviews, keep them coming!!
~Toodlez!!~
Chapter 9
The Chaos Begins (The Group Date -Part 1 Bwahahahaha!)
Day 4 (First Part . . . BWAHAHAHAHA!)
Disclaimer-
Onthaedge487- "Hey Faarooq, do you fold?"
Faarooq- "YOU STOLE ALL MY MONEY! WOOF!" *throws cards down on table*
Onthaedge487- *wipes spit off face* "I'll take that as a yes. PAY UP!"
Bradshaw- "YA CAN'T MAKE US, YOU DON'T OWN US, OR ANY OF THE OTHER SUPERSTARS, REMEMBER?"
Live4thaXtreme- "THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T OWN SHIT, SUCKA!"
Booker T- *pops in* "Now can you dig that SUCKA?!" *pops out*
Onthaedge487- "Damn, that's right. Well neither do you, so shuddup! How bout another round then?"
Live4thaXtreme- "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER, ONTHAEDGE487!"
Onthaedge487- "SHUDDUP." *throws lamp out the window.*
Live4thaXtreme- "HA, YA MISSED, YA MISSED, HOW DO YA LIKE ME-" *gets hit by a large plant*
Onthaedge487- "I DIDN'T MISS THIS TIME YA FRUIT LOOP! HOW DO YA LIKE THAT? AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP SAYING HARDCORE HOLLY'S CATCH PHARSE? IT'S PISSING ME OFF!"
Bradshaw- "You got any more beer?"
Austin- *pops in* "WHAT? BEER? WHAT?"
Onthaedge487- "Nope, Austin drank it all but I got some white zinfandel. Oh wait, I drank all that too. . ."
Faarooq- "DAMN!"
Austin- "WHAT? THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DRINK? WHAT?"
Kurt Angle- *pops in* "I have some refreshing milk that we all can drink!" *pulls out carton of milk*
Live4thaXtreme- "I FOUND SOMETHIN' IN HERE THAT LOOKS LIKE KOOL-AID, IF I CAN INTREST YA?! AND AS FOR YOU ANGLE, GUESS WHO I FOUND DOWN HERE?" *yelling from dumpster below the window*
Angle- "Who, WHO?"
Live4thaXtreme- "Your dumb ass stuffed piece of shit bunny! I think something's getting jiggy with your bunny, though!"
Angle- "MR. FLUFFUMS! NOOOOOOOOO! I'LL SAVE YOU!" *jumps out the window, & lands in the dumpster five flights below*
Live4thaXtreme- "YOU ONLY LIVE IN A ONE STORY HOUSE, WHERE THE HELL DID THE FIVE FLIGHTS COME FROM?"
Onthaedge487- "Shhhh, nobody needed to know that, I just wanted to torture Angle. Now shut the hell up."
Live4thaXtreme- "MAKE ME!
Onthaedge487- "Oh that's it . . ." *with the help of Austin & APA they throw a big screen TV at Live4thaXtreme *
Live4thaXtreme- *unconscious . . . AGAIN and foaming at the mouth for some odd reason*
Bradshaw- "Can we get on with the story? PLEASE?"
Onthaedge487- "Oh right, I forgot about that. Don't mind us people we're just psycho as Edge kindly told us before. DAMNIT EDGE WHY COULDN'T YOU TAKE ME WITH YOU? *cries* Um, yeah read on people."
*WARNING*
There is some strong Language in this chapter, as well as some *gross* parts (it's not TOO bad). You'll see what we mean . . . we are apologizing for anything that may offend anyone, or may gross anyone out in advance. Um, we kinda wrote most of this at late hours, so we were tired, crazy & hyper. Oh & sorry for not updating in SO long! How long has it been now? *shrugz* We were working on this in the summer, and now it's well into the school year. We had a bad case of writer's block, & no time to work on this. We'll we're back if anyone missed us . . . so read on!
*The night of the date*
"Dude, are you sure this is the right restaurant, where is everybody?" Christian asked looking up at the small Chinese restaurant.
"I don't know bro; Matt told me this was the place." Edge answered. Seconds later, Matt and Stacy arrive. Matt bolts for Edge and Christian, running at top speed.
"STACY, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! NO, NO I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU'RE FREAKING LEGS! WHHHYYY? Oh hey guys, you made it."
"Totally, but this place reeks of stinkitude! I don't want to eat here!" Christian pouted, as his lip began to tremble. Oh yes another one of his infamous tantrums was ahead.
"But Matty, wait for meeeeee!" Stacy exclaimed, running after Matt but tripped over herself, and in turn fell flat on her face. "OUCH! My face!"
"Yeah, you're not the only one who's hurting." Matt said, in a half satisfied tone. Steph and Jeff are the next pair to arrive.
"POWER PUFF GIRLS, I'M MISSING MY FAVORITE EPISODE, NOOOOOOO AND PLUS NOBODY GOT ME SKITTLES! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH." Jeff wailed, now in tears.
"It'll be okay Jeff; I promise we'll have a fun time tonight and you'll forget all about those damn Power Puff Girls." Stephanie attempted to shout over the racket Jeff was making. Just then Molly and RVD, Jazz and Rock, Trish and Y2J, Torrie and Big Show, and Debra and Austin arrive. (Nice timing guys and a helluva lot less work for the authors.)
"Where are you're dates, juniors?" Y2J asked smugly referring to Edge and Christian.
"Dude, what are you talking aboot?" Edge asked nervously, his Canadian accent becoming noticeable.
"Yeah, man?" Christian said, in bewilderment.
"You were supposed to bring dates . . . yeah . . . ha . . . ha." Rob informed and proceeded to take another sniff of his white out. Talk about obsessions . . .
"Unless you two jabronies are together." The Rock suggested. "WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE DATES?" Christian yelled kicking a trash can to the ground. They then see a black cat walking out of it. Christian flinches at the sight of it.
"You, hiccup, aren't, hiccup, su . . . su . . . super . . . sty . . . superstitious, hiccup, are you, hiccup?" Molly slurred, through several hiccups. She crunched her empty beer can and threw it to the ground.
"Black cat running a . . . way." Christian stuttered.
"Dude, we're not together but somebody didn't tell us we needed to be here with dates." Edge said a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"I'm sorry dude, but you know our room turned into an aquarium." Matt explained, glaring at Jeff. Jeff gave a shy smile and a small wave to everyone before turning to his brother.
"But Mr. Ducky was drowning." Jeff whimpered, remembering the previous night's events.
"YO, YO, alright we'll be right back; we'll go and find dates." Edge said, as he grabbed a frozen Christian. As Edge and Christian leave to find dates, Hurricane and Lita pull up in the Hurri-Cycle.
"It took us long enough, you mother *beep* son of a *beep*, *beep* licking, bitch." Lita swore, and chucked her helmet at Hurricane. (A/N- Sorry about all the *beeps*. Not to sound like RTC, but we do have the right to censor, people!!!)
"I'm sorry citizen Lita, it's not my fault that the Hurri-cycle broke down, so we had to push it to a gas station and you had to use the rest of your money."
"DON'T REMIND ME, YOU SON BITCH." Lita roared, her cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red. Wow, was she pissed.
"Can we go in now cause frankly she's scaring the living shit outta me." Trish asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
"Oh you want some of this too?" Lita asked, her tone becoming even more edgy.
"Please no, I'm still hurting from last time." Trish replied nervously as they walked inside the restaurant.
"Welcome to nice Chinese restaurant, how may we help you?" an employee asked.
"Hi, I made reservations for 20 people. It should be under the name Matt Hardy."
"Oh ok, welcome to nice Chinese restaurant. Do you wish to eat, ya?"
"Oh here we go, I MADE RESERVATIONS FOR 20 GOD DAMN PEOPLE TO EAT DAMNIT." Matt repeated irritably.
"Ooooooooh, I see, would you like to eat?" The employee asked, with a thick Chinese accent.
"WHAT THE HELL, MY LIFE IS A PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT. THAT'S IT EVERYBODY FOLLOW ME CAUSE I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE." Matt yelled, as tears brim in his eyes as he begins to twitch yet again. Everyone follows Matt to a long table seating 20 people, 10 on each side. The seating chart is in chapter 8, sorry. Heh . . .
*Meanwhile*
Edge and Christian are walking down a dark deserted street, hoping to find full on scorch cakes to accompany them to the 'group date'. The street was completely silent except for Christian's stifled sobs and the pounding of their footsteps on the pavement.
"Dude, do you hear something?" Christian asked, completely panic stricken. He looked around nervously, hoping to locate the noise.
"Huh? No dude lay off the pie."
"BUT IT WAS SOOOOOOO GOOD!" Christian exclaimed.
"Yea, and the Rock is so totally gonna kick our asses for that little stunt we pulled. Dude, get off me!" Edge said, trying to detach Christian from his left arm. "Off the merchandise, I need that for the ladies!"
"What ladies? The only lady that loves ya is yo mamma! Hey dawg, you've just been punked, yo!" Christian yelled, making ghetto hand motions.
"Dude, SHUT THE HELL UP! You're a Canadian, dumbass. AND WE HAVE THE SAME MOTHER, YOU PIECE OF BLOND SHIT!"
"Oh. Well Grandma Edna loves me more, YO, yes she does, yes she does!" Christian stated a psychotic glint in his eye.
"Suuuuure she does. Over course, the women constantly calls you Christina, and buys you those pretty frilly dresses for the tea party with the stuffed animals . . ." Edge trailed off as Christian's face turned a brilliant shade of red.
"NO ONE'S SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT! Besides, I only have to wear the dr . . . outfits when we visit her! I don't- do you hear something? I think we're being followed dude!" Christian cowered behind his brother in fear.
"Dude, it's nothing. Hold up, I gotta tie my shoes." They paused; as Edge bent down to tie his shoe. Every so often Christian snuck a nervous glance over his shoulder.
"How long does it take you to tie your freaking shoe?"
"Uh . . . I'm having issues. Damn laces!"
"What the . . . ?" Christian trialed off, as he gaped open mouth at a large bush a few feet behind them, sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. "Dude, was that bush there before?" Christian asked, rubbing his eyes, to make sure his vision wasn't blurred.
"What the hell are you . . . oh. I don't remember that there. Oh well, maybe we didn't see it." Edge said shrugging it off. As they proceeded on their journey to find dates, Christian stopped abruptly, causing Edge to run into him.
"Edge, are you walking?"
"No, are you?"
"Dude, I'm in front of you! Of course I'm not walking! If you're not walking, and I'm not walking, then who do those footsteps belong to?" No sooner had the words come out of Christian's mouth, when both he and Edge were tackled from behind to the ground. They hit the pavement hard, having no idea what had occurred.
"Christian, did you hit me?"
"Owwww, someone's sitting on my . . . owwwwwww!" Christian exclaimed. "What the . . . BILLY AND CHUCK? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? AND CHUCK DO YOU MIND GETTING OFF ME, OR AT LEAST SHIFTING YOU'RE WEIGHT! Oi vey, thank you." Christian got up and dusted himself off, Edge following his suit.
"That was so totally heinous! Now our clothes are dirty!" Edge exclaimed, brandishing a finger at Billy and Chuck. "And would you please explain why you jumped us?" Billy and Chuck looked at each other for a moment, and smirked.
"We heard you were looking for dates." Billy said, moving closer to Edge. Chuck nodded, as he too advanced on Christian.
"Huh? What the hell is going on?" Christian asked, in an extremely confused state. It seemed, when he fell he had hit his head pretty hard, most likely causing the loss of brain cells. Chuck continued to move closer, and smirked.
"If you don't know, I'll show you." He grabbed Christian's arm, attempting to pull him away, but Christian wouldn't budge.
"Show me what?"
"Oh this will be fun, I promise." Chuck said seductively. Billy, who now had Edge cornered up against the wall, was trying to persuade Edge into letting him be his date. Edge gulped back a lump that had been forming in his throat.
"Come on Edge, it's just, you look SO good to me!" Billy exclaimed, hoping the rather cheesy line would convince the Canadian.
"Christian . . . HELP!" Edge squeaked out. Christian looked up with curiosity.
"To help Edge or not to help Edge, that is the question." Christian pondered. "Nahhh. So Chuck, you haven't seen any black cats around have you?"
"Look Edge, I'm better than ANY scorch cake! Look at me, you know I look good. You can't deny it!" Billy declared, flexing his muscles in front of a horrified Edge.
"Look dudes, we, we uh already have dates. Yea that's it. They're waiting for us right now. Yup, come Christian, let's go." Edge said, moving away from Billy and grabbing Christian's arm, as they both began to run at high speed. Once they were sure Billy and Chuck were out of sight, they stopped to catch their breath. (A/N- Sorry the whole thing w/Billy & Chuck sucked, it was based on a really good idea from only1teamXtreme, but we kinda changed it around a little & it didn't come out as good as we wanted. If we offended anyone in this chap we apologize! We actually like Billy & Chuck; it was just funnier this way.)
"Hey Christian, let's split up and we'll meet back at the restaurant." Edge suggested, looking at his brother.
"WHAT? Dude, I can't wander the streets alone besides you know what might happen." Christian said nervously, glancing at Edge.
"What are you talking aboot? What will happen?"
"Dude, the black cat was a sign, it had bright yellow eyes and. . . and . . . . and you just can't leave me alone. And what if we don't find dates?" Christian begged, beginning to shake. "I guess we could always go with Billy and Chuck . . . but then people might get the wrong idea . . ." Christian said aloud.
"Uh, whatever, dude, oooooooh full on scorch cake dead ahead, later dude." Edge said, tilting his sunglasses so he could check out the scorch cake
"Noooo not if I get to her first!" Christian exclaimed, and started to run at a rapid pace and accidentally runs into her, knocking her down. "OW, WHAT THE HELL? CAN'T YOU WALK YOU FREAK?" The 'scorch cake' yelled, dropping her cell.
"I'm sorry, but my stupid brother, wasn't looking where he was going." Edge apologized. The scorch cake had her back to them, collecting the spilled contents from her purse and her cell phone.
"Yeah, sorry, but would you like to. . ." Christian began timidly.
"Go on a date with me?" Edge asked bluntly. The 'scorch cake turned around, and to E & C's surprise it is . . .
"DAWN MARIE!!" Edge and Christian exclaimed simultaneously.
"Um. . . Mr. McMahon, can you hold on a minute? Wait did one of you guys just ask me out on a date?" Dawn asked, with a confused look on her face.
"Yeah, me." E&C said at the same time, yet again.
"Oh ok, um . . . Mr. McMahon, I'm gonna have to cancel our plans tonight, something really important just up."
"DAWN, DAWN, WHAT THE HELL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR PLANS TONIGHT, DAMNIT. YOU'RE. . . YOU'RE . . . FFFFFFF." McMahon yelled, as Dawn clicks off.
"So let me get this straight, both of you want to go out with me?"
"Yup." E&C answered simultaneously.
"Oh, ok well I'll go with you Edge." Dawn decided
"YESSSSSS, dude, you lost, I won, I won!" Edge exclaimed, doing that sexy Cheshire cat grin that we all know and love.
"NOOOOOOOOO, I LOST, I LOST!" Christian yelled and prepared to throw a tantrum.
"What the hell, you're making him throw ANOTHER tantrum?" Live4thaXtreme yelled as she looks at the computer screen.
"What? I think Christian looks hot when he's all pissed off." Onthaedge487 replied.
"Hey, who the hell are you?" Edge asked, trying to follow the voices. Christian simply sniffled, and looked up at the sky in awe.
"The authors, you sexy blond Canadian." Onthaedge487 answered, suddenly appearing in thin air. "Come here Edgey . . ." She said, as she advanced on him, licking her lips. Edge gulped, this was getting freaky.
"Hey WAIT FOR ME, YA SPUD!" Suddenly Live4thaXtreme popped into the nearby trash can, next to Christian. "DAMN IT, WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN?! I can neva get the landing right! Grrrr . . ."
"Now I'm scared . . ." Christian sobbed as a fresh batch of tears flooded his cheeks.
"Why are you here?"
"Uh . . . Onthaedge487, you wanna handle that one?"
"Um, sure." She answered glaring at Live4thaXtreme. "We're here . . . um, we're here . . . oh I know! We're here to provide scorch cakes for Christian!" Onthaedge487 exclaimed, proud that she had come up with something under pressure. Seconds later, two girls popped up looking almost identical to the authors . . . older altar egos you could say, across the street. Christian, who had not heard this, was still teary eyed, as Dawn Marie continually supplied him with tissues . . . from the trash.
"Dude, get a grip, look there's some scorch cakes over there across the street sitting on a bench." Edge informed. The authors, realizing their job was done, nodded and got ready to leave. Live4thaXtreme popped out first, and then Onthaedge487. But just before she was about to leave she gave Edge a quick pinch in the butt. Before he even knew what had happened, poof she was gone.
"Oooooooooooh." Christian said, finally realizing what his brother had told him. He began to run across the street to two girls, and realized one was talking on a cell while the other reading a WWE magazine... "Yes, some fan girls!"
"Oooooooooh. They look so HOT in this pic! Hello, Melinda looky, looky, it's. . ." Amanda visibly starts to drool as she brandishes the magazine in her friends face.
"SHUDDUP YA FRUIT, I'M TRYING TO SEE IF WE CAN GET TICKETS TO THE NEXT PAY- PER-VIEW COMING UP!" Melinda yelled bearing her teeth, as Amanda recoiled, whimpering.
"But . . . but look at this really, really HOT picture of . . . the Hardyz, Edge and Christian, Y2J and Hurricane."
"Finally some girls who actually like me! I LUV CANCUN! HEY, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WALKING HERE, YOU REEKAZOID?!" Christian yelled, as several cars drive past him narrowly hitting him.
"GET OUTTA THE ROAD, YOU FRUIT CAKE; WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?" An angry driver yelled and angrily flips Christian the bird.
"SCOREEEEEEEEEEEE, WE GOT THE TICKETS, EVEN THOUGH THEY SUCK!" Melinda shouted at the top of her lungs. She climbed on top of the bench and did a victory dance. Amanda would have joined in but she was busy drowning in her own puddle of drool to notice.
"It should be illegal to be that freaking HOT!" Amanda mumbled, staring at her picture. Finally Christian reaches the girls, although he is a little frazzled.
"Hey either one of you girls wanna go on a date with me?" Christian asked breathlessly, sweating profusely.
"HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE. . . YOU'RE. . ." Amanda screamed in shock, breathing heavily.
Melinda, in total shock and surprise, drops her cell phone. "SHIT, YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT, BUDDY!" She yelled at Christian, as she looked down at what she thought was her busted cell phone.
"BUT IT'S . . . IT'S. . . HOLD ON!" Amanda screeched, nearly making Christian go deaf. She grabs a paper bag from a near by trash can and hyper ventilates. "CHR. . . CHR. . . CHRIST. . . CHRISTIAN!"
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF HE'S ELVIS; OR THE FREAKING QUEEN OF ENGLAND! I WANT YOU TO PAY UP NOW, SUCKAAAA!"
"Now I'm scared, but would either of you like to go out on a date with me?" Christian asked, trembling in his boots.
"I'D LOVE TO . . ." Amanda replied, and then passes out.
"A. . . I would but. . ." Melinda started but also passes out because someone who shall remain nameless, *cough, Amanda, cough* threw a television at her and did I mention a very large plant. Therefore she has, let's just say a few concussions.
"Damn it, just my luck, fucking cat, I hope her cell phone's still working." Christian picks up Melinda's cell and calls Matt.
"Ello?" Matt asked on the other line.
"Dude, um. . . I got a problem; two girls I tried to ask out are now unconscious." Christian said rather ashamed of the situation.
"Did you hit them with a chair?"
"Dude, course not, but could you send somebody to help me, like now?"
"Ahhh, sureeeeeeeeeee, I can do that for you, somebody will be, wait where are you?" Matt asked, as he tried unlatching Stacy from his left arm.
"I'm um . . . hold on." Christian said, unsure. He looks around for anything familiar, and sees a restaurant. "Nice Chinese Restaurant he read the sign aloud." A light blush crept over his face. He'd thought he had been lost for good. "Oh I'm across the street, I knew that."
"Alright, somebody's coming to help ya."
"Thanks." Christian sighed, and hung up.
*In the restaurant*
"HEY MATT, WHO CALLED?" Big Show yelled from the other end of the table.
"Oh it was only Christian; he needs some help across the street." Matt answered, putting his phone back in his pocket. Just then, Edge finally arrives at the restaurant with Dawn.
"Dude, what happened, did something bad happen?" Edge asked a hint of worry in his voice. He had overheard Matt say Christian called, and wanted to know what was up. "Christian isn't known to be the brightest crayon in the box ya know." Edge said.
"No, he's just across the street with two unconscious fan girls. He needs somebody's help though." Matt replied, shaking his head dismissively. The superstars then see a figure slowly walking toward them with the assistance of a walker.
"Hey guys, what's up?" The person asked cheerfully.
"WHAT? I SAID WHAT? SPEAK UP TERRI; I CAN'T HEAR YA FROM DOWN HERE!"
"BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS AUSTIN; I WASN'T EVEN TALKING TO YOU!" Terri screamed, giving the Texas Rattle Snake the Bird.
"WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN?!"
"Now Steve, calm down, she's just a crotchety old woman. She doesn't know what she's saying; she probably escaped from the nursing home honey. Let's just look at our menus, okay?" Debra said soothingly, yet rather firmly.
"Yes dear." Austin agreed.
"CAN YOU SAY WHIPPED? WAHTSH!" Y2J shouted, making whipping noises and hand movements, as Austin gives him a death stare
"I gotta . . . hiccup . . . get me . . . hiccup some beer. NOW!" Molly said, nearly falling out of her chair.
"Me too." Austin said, rubbing his beer belly.
"When did you start using a walker, Terri?" Lita asked, looking at her fellow Diva oddly.
"Well I only need to use it when I walk long distances, like to the parking lot . . . or to the bathroom."
"Hey, Terri wanna do us a favor?" Edge asked, giving her puppy dog eyes. Now that was enough to make any girl melt . . . or piss their pants, which ever came first.
"I'd do anything for you Edge." Terri replied, beginning to drool.
"HEY, QUIT LOOKIN AT MY MAN!" Dawn screeched, getting up and slapping Terri.
Terri in turn falls down at the hard hit that Dawn just gave her. "HEY, YOU BITCH, YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO THE SHE-DEVIL! Ouch, you . . . you . . . little wannabe slut! Why aren't you assisting Mr. McMahon with something?" Terri spat vehemently. With the help of her walker she was able to get up, and whack Dawn with it, knocking Dawn down.
"That's it." Dawn said rather annoyed, getting up. She was about to push Terri down once more, but Edge gets between them.
"Wait a minute, Um. . . Terri could you be a doll and help Christian across the street, he needs someone's assistance and I think you would be perfect for the job." Edge said sweetly, giving her a winning smile.
"Alright, I'll go just for you and to get away from that piece of trash. Bye boys!" Terri waves flirtatiously at Matt, Edge and Jeff, and then slowly turns around with her walker, and about twenty minutes later is out the door.
*Meanwhile*
"Where the hell is the help I sent for? It's been like a half hour since I called! I WON'T STAND FOR THIS! NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR!" Christian cried, and yet again throws a tantrum. About ten minutes later, he is approached by a woman.
"Um, Christian, could you stop flailing your arms about like that, you almost hit me."
"Terri? Terri? What the hell are you doing here?" Christian asked, pausing in mid-tantrum.
"I'm here to help you! So what do I have to do? Take off my clothes? I can do that, I can!" Terri exclaimed, and went to unbutton her shirt.
"HELL NO! Look, I need real help, some one who can help me carry these girls! NOT SOME ONE WHO CAN BEARLY WALK! AHHHHHHHH! I'LL KILL EDGE!" He yelled then grabs the cell. Christian dials Matt's number, mumbling incoherently to himself as he does so.
"Hello?" Matt asked, although he seemed to have a pretty good idea of who the caller could be.
"WHAT THE HELL, I ASKED FOR HELP NOT A CRICKETY CRACKETY OLD BATALAX, WHO ALMOST BROKE A HIP TRYING TO CROSS THE FREAKING STREET. STOP FLASHING ME TERRI, DAMNIT I DON'T NEED SEE THOSE WRINKLY, OLD, PRUNY. . ." Christian trailed off, grossing himself out.
"AHHHHHHHHHH, dude stop, you're scaring me, I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life and it was Edge's idea to send her not me so don't start yelling at me." Matt said, shaking the images of Terri out of his mind. The last thing he needed was to go blind or totally insane.
"AT LEAST YOU CAN'T SEE THEM, WHAT THE HELL, PUT EDGE ON THE PHONE NOW BEFORE I HAVE A HEART ATTACK." Christian yelled, as he began to hyper ventilate.
"Dude, I hate to tell this but I think you already are. And what the HELL ARE YOU DOING JEFF! PUT THE STRAW DOWN! NO, NOT THERE!"
"PUT EDGE ON THE PHONE!!!!"
"Alright, alright hold on. STACY NOT NOW, DAMN IT!" There was a pause as Matt tried to detangle himself from Stacy. From the other line Christian could hear what sounded like a crash, like something shattered, then someone saying 'Whoopsy.' "YES JEFF THAT WAS A VALUEABLE PLATE, WHY? OH SHIT, NOT AGAIN JEFF!" Matt yelled as he distractedly passed the phone to Edge, and then tended to the large mess his brother had just made.
"Hey Christian, how's it hanging?" Edge asked nonchalantly.
"HOW'S IT HANGING? IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY? YOU DORK CHOP, YOU SENT ME A FREAKING DINOSAUR! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"
"Dude, I thought dinosaurs were extinct."
"WELL SHE SHOULD BE, NOW SEND ME SOME REALLLL HELP OR I'LL DYE YOUR HAIR PINK WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING!" Christian yelled, so loud Edge had to hold the phone away from his ear.
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Edge squeaked out, imagining his long blond locks being dyed a horrid shade of pink.
"What's wrong with pink? I happen to think it's a very nice color." Jeff commented.
"Here, here!" Y2J agreed, nodding his head at the younger Hardy. "I love to be Pretty in Pink . . . Oh bloody hell; did I just say that out loud?" Jericho said, as he began to turn a brilliant shade of red. Everyone was laughing and pointing at him, much to his dismay.
"Oh and did I ever tell you guys I dyed Matt's hair blonde?" Jeff asked absently.
"And you will pay for that Jeff." Matt promised.
"Noooo, I just needed a test dummy." Jeff whined, not wanted to get a beating later.
"You calling me a dummy?" Matt asked, glaring at his younger brother.
"HEY I CAN'T HEAR CHRISTIAN WHINNING, SHUDDUP!" Edge yelled, and a silence fell over the table.
"Sorry." Matt and Jeff said simultaneously.
"JUST SEND SOMEBODY TO HELP ME NOW!!" Christian yelled, and then hung up.
"Hello, hello, he hung up on me, that whore." Edge said glaring down at the phone.
"I would be more than happy to help Citizen Christian. Where is he?" Hurricane offered, jumping up from his seat.
"Dude he's across the street." Edge informed, as smirks and chuckles spread throughout the table. "Oh I see, well I'll be back before you know it." Hurricane assures the group. He does a heroic superhero pose, and adjusts his cape.
"Good, take as long as you like, I'll be alright by myself." Lita said, trying to hide her happiness. Hurricane winked at her, then rushed out to go and help Christian.
"Stand back there's a Hurricane coming through! Have no fear Citizen Christian, the Hurricane is here!"
"Great, they send me the hurri-dork. Who next? Stacy, wait she wouldn't leave Matt's side for anything." Christian sighed, shaking his head.
"So Citizen Christian, what do you need assistance with?"
"Well somebody was supposed to help with these two unconscious girls but now I'm thinking that Terri needs some help."
"What are you talking about I do not need any help." Terri assured him.
"So what would you like me to do, Citizen Christian?" Hurricane asked.
"Just help me carry these two back to the restaurant." Christian said pointing to Amanda and Melinda's prone figures.
"I can do that." Hurricane said, puffing out his chest with pride. Hurricane picked up Melinda and Christian puts Amanda over one shoulder as they walk back to the restaurant. Terri is struggling to walk along side them, but fails to do so.
"Wait up you two; I can't cross the street by myself." Terri calls to their retreating figures.
"Tough luck." Christian said. He was in no mood to wait for her; it would take her ages to cross the street.
"But, but . . ." Terri whimpered.
"Sucks to be you, don't it?" Christian said dully and continued walking. Hurricane, being the superhero that he is, pulled on Christian's arm. "What?"
"It would be un-superhero like to just leave a damsel in distress." Hurricane reminded the Canadian.
"I'm NOT a superhero, remember?"
"Yes, but . . . uh it would be un-gentlemanlike. You are a gentleman aren't you?" Hurricane asked, emphasizing the last sentence.
"I should be offended. I should, but I just wanna GO." Both Hurricane and Terri gave him their best puppy dog faces. "FINE, I'LL CROSS THE DAMN STREET WITH YOU! Only if you both promise NEVER to do a puppy dog face in my presence again . . . it's just plain freaky."
"Promise." Hurricane and Terri agreed. Hurricane and Christian waited for Terri so they all cross the street eventually and enter the restaurant.
"Hey you guys finally made it." Torrie commented, smiling.
"Yeah, no thanks to Edge." Christian growled.
"Dude, you wanted help so you got help." Edge countered.
"Yeah, by an old woman." Christian said placing Amanda in an empty booth, then sitting down next to Dawn followed by Terri.
"At least it was help." Edge reminded him.
"You know just fuck off." Christian grunted, glaring at his grinning brother.
"Damnit they came back too soon." Lita said irritated, as she snapped her fingers in disappointment.
"Anyways, as I was saying, Mr. McMahon is simply the best boss in the entire WORLD." Dawn babbled spreading her arms, whacking Edge and Christian in the head.
"Owwwwwww." They whined.
"Oh sorry about that." Meanwhile near the end of the table, Hurricane also sets Melinda down on the other side of the booth, which happened to be next to their table.
Author's Notes-
Onthaedge487- "Heh, sorry to leave it like that, but the chapter got soooooo long that we had to spit the 'group date' up into two sections."
Live4thaXtreme-"YEP, IT WAS WICKED LONG! AND WICKED GROSS . . . AND WICKED WEIRD AND WICKED . . ."
Onthaedge487- "Hey, how the hell did you get up here? You were unconscious in the freaking dumpster the last time I checked."
Live4thaXtreme- "Angle came along and woke me up. He got to poking around in mah territory . . . then he whacked me with a carton of milk. He's looking for that damn bunny . . . I uh . . . think I ate it."
Onthaedge487- "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! You nasty! And please take a bath for cripes sake!" *holding nose, about out to pass out*
Live4thaXtreme- "What? A girl's gotta eat! And for your info, I smell wonderful . . . like delicate rose petals on a warm summer day." *Onthaedge487 smacks her upside the head* "OW! What the hell was that for, ya French Fry?"
Onthaedge487- "I ain't no French fry, I'm a Spud, you sick f-f-f-f- freak!" *does Peoples Eyebrow just for the hell of it*
Bradshaw- "Do y'all got some bear? I'm tellin' ya, this place needs some fixin' up . . ."
Faarooq- "I hear ya. It needs a big 'ol bar over there, with an endless supply of beer . . ." *starts to drool*
Angle- *yelling from the dumpster below* "MR. FLUFFUMS, I FOUND YOU! OH I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! MUAH!" *snuggles the soiled and tattered 'stuffed animal' and plants a big old wet one on it*
Onthaedge487- "I thought you said you ate Mr. Fluffums?"
Live4thaXtreme- "I did . . . I think." *burps up a piece of fluff * "Yea, that was him." *grins*
Onthaedge487- "Well if you ate the damn stuffed animal, then who . . .?"
Angle- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! EWWWWWWWWW, GET AWAY FROM ME YOU STUPID RACCOON! OWWWWWWW, OWWWWWWWWW, GET OFF! EWWWWWWW, IT'S LICKING ME! SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF MILK, HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP ME!" *the raccoon continues to attack Angle mercilessly in the dumpster as the APA, Onthaedge487 & Live4thaXtreme run to the window to watch*
Bradshaw- "Pass the popcorn." *Onthaedge487 pops some into her mouth before passing the popcorn to the large Texan*
Faarooq- "DAMN . . . that's some freaky sh*t."
Onthaedge487- "What do you expect, we wrote it." *points to herself and Live4thaXtreme*
Live4thaXtreme- "Now boys, do you mind telling the kind readers what to do?"
Bradshaw- "Screw a tree?"
Onthaedge487- "No, no, that's Bitch-off! How many times must we tell you?"
Bischoff *cough*Bitch-off*cough*- "I'M BACK! I don't appreciate you bashing me . . . and I think you're 3 minutes are up. Oh my did I just hear myself day 3 . . . OWWWWW!" *Onthaedge487 kicks him in the crotch, as Live4thaXtreme punches him in the stomach* "Mommy . . ." *APA throws him out the window, but he misses the dumpster, falling onto the hard concrete of the 50 story building*
Live4thaXtreme- "We really need to start locking the door. Well that takes care of him . . . I'M THE NEW GM OF RAW!!!"
Onthaedge487- "Awww hell no! I kicked him first; I get to be the GM!" *the girls proceed to get into a bitch fight, clawing and slapping each other. The APA turn to you, the readers.*
Faarooq- "What they were trying to say is . . ."
Bradshaw- "Please read and review this lame ass fic or . . ."
ALL- "WE'LL COME DOWN THEY'RE AND GIVE YOU THE WHUPPIN' OF YOUR LIFETIME!" *everyone waves at the wonderful reviewers*
A/N2-
If you guys want to be in this fic, just tell us. We won't guarantee that you'll be in it, but we'll sure try to find parts for everyone. You'll either just be a crazed fan, or an everyday person on the job. List several names of people who you would like to interact with/glomp. If there is an overwhelming amount of people who would like to interact with the same superstar, that superstar will be put in a cage for all to gawk at. So, choose wisely. If you'd like to see other superstars in this story who aren't please tell us & try to submit an idea of what they could be doing. We'd like to thank only1teamXtreme & Diva-Xtreme for their ideas, which we used, although we twisted them around a bit & mixed them with our ideas to fit the story as we wanted it. If you submitted an idea or would like to submit an idea, we'll *try* to use it (*try* being the key word). We would especially like to hear your ideas for Angle's plot to get revenge on Lita. We had an idea, but we took so long to execute it that we kinda forgot what it was. We know, we're idiots. As long as you're idea includes milk and is semi-funny, then we'll consider it, so please submit one! The next part should *hopefully* be up soon. Thanks for all your reviews, keep them coming!!
~Toodlez!!~