Yes! It's another new chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own much of this, since almost everything belongs to J.K. Rowling. The only things that don't are Alexander, Cassius, Sarissa, Roxane and Ariadne Malfoy - excluding their last name, of course.

I don't have much to say at the moment, since I'm pretty sure this chapter speaks for itself. Obviously, Remus is speaking at both the beginning and the end of this chapter. This will probably be a regular occurrence, or rather the beginning shall be… it's sort of like a "mini-prologue" or an aside during the story. Think of Remus as the narrator, with omnipresent abilities… either way, it's probably going to be constant, so don't think too much about it.

Please Read and Review! I'm rather tired at this very moment, so I'm posting this really fast since tomorrow I am off to watch "Lord of the Rings" yet again…. Hell, with Legolas around, who could stop me? ; )

***

Chapter Two

Loss

Life began easily for me. I suppose that is true for many other children in our world, which is one free of poverty and famine. But something in my life was always different. I had few playmates, save Lucius and my cousin Sarissa. I felt removed from them, rather Lucius, who avoided me through most of my adolescence. Even my mother appeared as a distant, beautiful figure which I could never hope to please.

So, in this world which seemed to outsiders full of warmth and love I found only indifference. I was a prisoner of the tall, ironclad barrier that stopped me from shattering everywhere… it contained me. Maybe that's why, in those early years, my transformations were a relief - they allowed me to shatter for a few hours regularly, and probably saved me from myself.

But, before I had a liberation such as this, I had a woman who did the exact same thing. I can never think of her in the formal tones of her own name, which are as foreign to me as a normal life. It was she who photographed me in front of the manor; the snowman dressed in her hat and scarf. I have no other semblance of her.

Nana. My grandmother, and my sunlight in the midst of icy glares.

I doubt I would have survived childhood without her.

***

March 23rd, 1964, 7:35pm

"Hurry, Remus - you don't want Mummy to have to carry you, do you darling?"

The small boy rushing along behind her reached out for Roxane's hand and she gripped it thankfully. Smiling down at her son, she increased her speed as they raced down luminous white hallways. Remus gazed around at the multitude of wizards that seemed to be congregating in these narrow corridors; their cream-coloured cloaks making them appear as one with the surroundings.

"Oh, thank the heavens! It's a boy!" The cry echoed from some distant part of the building, and Remus grinned at the excitement he heard in the man's voice. The sound of joy seemed strange in this alien world of palest white.

"Remus, stop." His mother's voice sounded tired, and Remus squinted up at the door that lay in front of them. 177. In the back of his mind the number sounded as if it were familiar, as if it should mean something. But numbers had no importance save to mar the purity of the blank wall, the horrid black figures infecting the wood of the door. "We're here."

His mother's hand pushed heavily on the door, which swung open easily at her touch. Remus felt his hand drop back to his side as Roxane entered the room which contained something so precious as to fly and run and scream for it. Not knowing if he was doing the right thing, Remus leaned forward to peer inside, hoping to gain a glimpse of the wonder that lay beyond.

Steel-blue eyes met his hazel ones as he looked, and the cool stare startled the small boy. He recognised the stare immediately. "Uncle Cassius," he breathed, fear coursing through his young veins. "What are you doing here?"

Cassius laughed bitterly. "Indeed. I have been asking myself the same question." The man stood, revealing a girl with chestnut hair and violet eyes hiding behind his legs. Cassius nodded from the girl to Remus. "Sarissa, you remember Remus. I believe it's been some time since you were last acquainted."

"Hello." Remus smiled weakly at his older cousin, who simply gripped her father's leg more firmly. Struggling to remember the manners his mother had attempted to teach him, Remus held out his left hand to Sarissa. "How do you do?"

Cassius sniggered. "Look at the little Girl Guide here. I always knew Roxane was doing something wrong…" With this last remark, Cassius removed Sarissa from his leg and left the room, the door swinging closed behind him.

Remus fidgeted uncomfortably. Sarissa climbed onto the seat her father had occupied previously and stared brazenly at her cousin. After a moment or two, she asked:

"Are you always so stupid?"

Remus was surprised at the question. "No," he replied, confused. "Why?"

Sarissa rolled her eyes. "Oh, you're simply too young to understand."

"What do you mean?"

She nodded to the bed which had gone unnoticed to Remus' dull senses. "Grandmother is dying."

Childish yet pure emotion flooded Remus' mind. He knitted his eyebrows in bewilderment. "What?"

"She has a disease that can't be cured. Father said it's something to do with her mother being a Muggle and all. It can't be helped."

Remus swallowed, knowing that he would be rebuked severely for his next question. "What do you mean, a Muggle?"

Sarissa choked mockingly. "You don't know about Muggles? Or Mudbloods?"

Roxane's head jerked up at this last word, and she turned to look at her niece, shock evident in her face. "Excuse me?"

Sarissa stared defiantly at her aunt. "Mudblood. It's someone who isn't a true wizard." Then, after thinking for a moment, she added, "and Squibs are real wizards who have no sense."

"I know what it means." Roxane sighed. "Who told you that?"

"Father. He said that Muggles killed Grandmother."

Remus jumped. "But… she's just there."

Sarissa rolled her eyes. "Well, he said that they're killing her, then. Either way, if she wasn't a Mudblood, none of this would ever have happened."

Roxane observed her niece with disgust before turning her gaze back towards the sleeping form of her mother. The grey was only just beginning to stain her thick, wavy brown hair, and Roxane felt as if she was looking at herself only a few years older. She's still so young, she thought, warm tears beginning to course down her face. She's even young by Muggle standards. I wonder if a short life will be my fate. As her mind was reminded of the troubles that were whispered of in her father's study late at night, Roxane sighed heavily. Maybe Mother is the lucky one, not me. She's moving on before the world is destroyed once more.

Ariadne stirred and her eyes flickered open to reveal grey depths. As she recognised her daughter above her, a gentle smile was reflected in the soft blue. She said nothing for a moment, before opening her mouth to find she could not. Remembering, she reached out slowly for the paper which lay on her nightstand and the self-inking quill she always used. Roxane heard the familiar scritch-scratch of the quill on the parchment, and waited patiently to hear her mother's words.

Passing the sheet to her daughter, Ariadne lay back into her pillow. Roxane noted that her face looked older now that she was awake, and that in the peacefulness of sleep she had failed to see the pain which echoed from every movement her mother made. She turned her attention to the parchment below her, reading silently the words Ariadne had penned there.

Dearest Roxane,

If I should never speak again, do not fear for me. Life is sometimes worse than death could ever be, and it is only the love of others that can keep us sane during those times. You must be strong for the others, Roxane. Your father would never break a promise, but Cassius can be very persuasive. No matter what, keep your own mind. Something much more terrifying than Grindelwald is spoken of in secret circles, and my last wish is that you shall not see the days of a Dark Wizard.

In my absence, you are Mother. Do not allow Cassius to envelop Lucius in his deceptions - my sons could never be as strong as my only daughter.

Love, always and ever,

Mother.

As Roxane glanced up from the letter to her mother's face, she saw that Ariadne was sleeping once more. Being careful not to disturb her, she rose from the side of the bed and approached the children in the corner. "Remus, time to go." He nodded silently to his mother, his eyes fixated on the peaceful form of his grandmother in the hospital bed.

"You too, Sarissa." The girl pouted at her aunt, and was about to protest when something in Roxane's face stopped her. Instead, she walked from the room defeatedly, followed closely by Remus, who waited for his mother in the cool white passage. Sarissa flounced off in search of her father, and Roxane turned the letter over to fold it, noticing a postscript as she did so.

Tell Remus that I love him. Hold him tightly and never let go, Roxane, for this child's life is more precious than any rock, or any metal. His mind would be coveted by kings.

Confused, Roxane placed the parchment inside a concealed pocket of her robes, and let the door swing closed behind her. She felt as if she'd just been given a gift, be it one as heavy as elephant. Heaving the thoughts to the back of her mind, Roxane reached down to grip Remus' hand, who stared up at his mother in surprise.

"Don't be shocked, Remus," his mother said, and he knew that something had changed between them. "I am ready now."

***

It would not be until many years later that I would understand those words, or many of the other things I had encountered that night in St. Mungos. I had met my mother for the first time, the woman who would irrevocably change my life forever. I had simply lost one soulmate to gain another.

Only now, gazing back, can I see this time for what it truly was. In my child's mind I took it as a time to play, a time to be happy, a time to enjoy. But for many other's, especially those close to me, it was a time of great pain. My grandmother was not wrong in her assumptions. As I sort through my mother's cherished belongings I have found many things which point directly towards a name feared by all today. This letter, yellowed and faded, was simply a beginning.

Later that night, I awoke suddenly to see a small light flickering above my head. It was a tiny thing, a firefly, and it guided me away from my safe warm bed and to a cold, desolate wing of the manor. I remember shivering in my pyjamas one moment yet feeling much too hot the next. The little winged light led me to a room I had only visited once before - my grandfather's study. To be sent there was a serious thing indeed, and a regular occurrence for my cousin Sarissa. I stood outside the doorway, and heard familiar voices speaking in muffled tones. As I realised what they were speaking of, I sank to the floor, an incredible, unbelievable sadness overtaking my fragile body. I felt like weeping but had no tears… my grandmother was gone forever, and my family were discussing it inside this room.

Or, rather, select members of my family. All women were absent, and if my father was there he never spoke a word. Two men and a boy talked for hours about things my feeble mind was unable to grasp… the one thing I understood for sure was that their discussion was peppered with tones of hatred. My grandfather sounded much angrier than he had ever been when Sarissa had hexed the maid or when Lucius practiced his beating skills in the parlour. My uncle's voice contained just as much venom as ever, his words slick with oil as he struggled to persuade Alexander and Lucius.

I couldn't move from the position I had sat in, even though my left leg felt like a piece of rubber than would collapse the moment I stood, and this scared me. Pain frightened me immensely then, more so than it ever can now, since then it all seemed so fresh, and so new. It was not until I heard their last remnants of conversation that I knew I had to move quickly. As my leg began to recover from an hour's lack of blood, I, glancing around myself, realised that my guide had disappeared and that I had no idea how to return to my room. Fear gripped my heart as I felt sure that, if I was found eavesdropping at my grandfather's door I would surely be killed, or worse - exile from my family's manor was a likely option also.

The last words of my relations before exiting into the hallway took years to recall, for my mind was so far from comprehension at that point I failed to remember the pact made. Now it comes back to me, in simplistic words: "Muggle illness killed a much-loved relation of ours, Ariadne Malfoy. There was no cure, for all Muggle's are fools. I swear that, on my name, Muggle's and Mudblood's shall never again contaminate the veins of any we hold dear, or of any other respectable Wizarding family. I, Alexander Malfoy, promised my wife that I would save this family… and I have failed once. I will not fail again."

When they emerged, my relatives found me sprawled on the floor, twitching in fear. My grandfather, taking pity on me, believed me to have been sleepwalking and returned me to my proper bed. I always found it so unusual that people so trusting could ever hate someone. I lay awake all night with selfish thoughts of how my grandmother had abandoned me, and how I wanted her to come and wake me up for an early morning walk in the woods. It is now, when I cannot change a thing that I realise exactly how close I was to saving our world - and how easily such a choice can be made.

***

Please R/R! Your words mean the world to me!!