Another new chapter. I hope you Remus-lovers enjoy this one; I haven't had much of a response to my newest postings, but I'd like to say a great big "THANKYOU!" to Clare and Moony Lover – without you guys, this chapter wouldn't have happened.
DISCLAIMER: Everything belongs to J.K. except for Roxane, Raoul, Jacqueline, Alexander, Cassius, Nicolette and Sarissa. The 'Chronicles' Remus is referencing are, quite obviously, Anne Rice's "Vampire Chronicles" and Louis de Pont du Lac (who is Remus' match if ever there was one! Sirius is more of a Lestat to me…) – which, since I'm not including it as fanfiction, per se, shouldn't be a problem for Ms. Rice.
Enjoy the latest chapter of… BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON…!!!
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Summer Lost
That summer passed me by with the wax and wane of the moon. At that time, I did not truly understand my disorder; as a mere child of eight, how could I comprehend that I had entered into the realm of the mythology that I adored? All I could remember from my ordeal in the forest wasn't fear, but euphoria. The pain, while excruciating, seemed to take me to heights that even I cannot describe, or begin to feel again. In later years, I would compare this exhilaration to popular novels I read, concerning supernatural beings like vampires… and a man from these 'Chronicles' whose experience seemed to mirror my own. This Louis, a man who feels guilt at every action that brings him this rapture – this mingling of pain and pleasure in the bloodlust that incorporates every being such as our own – would not become known to me until long after my teenage turmoil had been replaced by complacency and acceptance of my place in the world as I saw it.
The immediate trouble that concerned my family was that of my education. Being what I was – or what they suspected me to be – I could never attend the usual magical colleges; even the doors of the intriguingly dark Durmstrang Academy were closed to those of my kind. A cure was inconceivable, as the only known cure to werewolves – and even now I am tentative to write the world – was the destruction of the alpha whose blood now freely mingled with my own. Supposing I could ever track the one who made me, it was not assured that he was my alpha, since werewolves may be created by betas (derivations from the original blood), and to destroy him might have ruined my only link to my werewolf father. The Werewolf Registry has never been as complete as it should've been, and even now my brothers and sisters remained unknown to me, with confidential files our only hope for anonymity in this modern world. My mother hesitated to register me right away; as the textbooks on the subject all decreed that a werewolf might only transform after his body has fully accepted the beast within: usually after a period of thirteen moons, and the first anniversary of my dark gift.
I awaited this date with trepidation, anxiety and – surprisingly, some may say – curiosity. In truth it was that mixture of ecstasy and guilt that I craved, that moment in which I drifted between heaven and hell seamlessly, consciously.
Evan Rosier returned home several days later; Lucius with him. They had avoided me since the forest, and although some part of me knew I should feel hurt by this, in the forests my emotions had changed. I withdrew even more into myself, only allowing my mother and Severus to keep me company. Uncle Cassius tended to gaze upon me with a sense of wonder, his cool blue eyes dissecting me down to the blood that pumped change through my tender veins. Severus would sit with me in my room when the shakes came; he held my hand as I started to tremble and the blood heated and cooled within my fragile body. His father never ended his connection with our family – whenever he would visit us, Severus in tow, his look was always warm, kind, without any trace of polite sympathy or melodramatic terror. Jacqueline, his wife, never returned to the Malfoy Estate. I could sense her influence in Severus, however; his life no longer seemed devoted to our friendship, and I became frightened that she would, suddenly, wrench his presence away from me in a moment. Thoughts such as these brought tears, despite the fact that I knew those tears would end Cassius' kindness and Grandfather's indifference. My world was forever changed.
Lucius returned to school with Evan, and for the first time I began to feel that he had become more isolated from our sheltered world than I had ever been. Strolling the halls of our manor I stared at the paintings of my ancestors, explaining their stories to Severus one by one. He was just as fascinated by their history as I was, and I made him promise me that when the time came for him to leave me for Hogwarts, he would teach me all the lessons he had learnt at school, so that my education might be as complete as his. Mostly, though, I longed to find a place for myself in that hidden castle – filled with as many secrets as my family's own; passages and pathways leading to shrine or citadel in which long-forgotten trysts were held with love, death and the divine. I hungered for their knowledge.
My mother held me close to her heart during these days; and I learnt the suffering she felt within at the thought of my father. His position at the Ministry of Magic, and in the Wizarding society, would be decided by that day that hung, low and dismal, in the coming year. She clutched at hope like a childhood toy – the comfort it afforded her dissipated in the realisation that I, her only son, had become one of the damned she so feared. As a werewolf, I posed as much of a threat on her reputation as on that of my father, and my family name. For the first time in my life I saw my Grandfather relieved that I was not the heir he had so ardently coveted; my Uncle Cassius sympathetic to not only the fate of the family, but of my own. Aunt Nicolette, usually distant and cold, took me her arms and comforted me when she found me weeping in my room one full moon, the heat of my blood more than I could possibly bear… Sarissa, who happened upon us, squeezed my hand and spoke more eloquently than I could ever have imagined.
"We're still a family, Remus," she murmured, her hand cool against my own. I felt Aunt Nicolette's tears trickling into my thin brown hair. "And families are never broken apart; suffering brings us closer together." And, with this, she leant forward and kissed me softly on my left cheek, and something in me froze, the blood slowed and my head began swimming from the depths of desire into the gaspingly cool air of coherence. I smiled weakly, and she left the room, her mother stumbling behind, the sobs still escaping her thin lips.
Most people believe that such tragedy would have pulled such a family in the way of hatred – such as with the death of my Grandmother. It seemed that the falling snow on Christmas became as soft and tender as soap-bubbles; and I can never remember a winter filled with such happiness as this one was. My father, oblivious to my condition, was not absent as usual, but his inadequacy was all the more heightened by the closeness of what I termed my 'new family' – the one I had always hoped for. How strange that the sudden ruination of my life might have led to my wish being granted. But, then, the world cannot survive without balance; it is the balance between magic and reality that tempers our fragile existence. Life had meaning once more.
I was reluctant to leave this world when that August day revisited: although my mother reassured me wistfully, and I could sense Severus approaching from the East Wing, terror gripped me with its clammy hands and drew me into the abyss. January, February, March, April, May, June, July… (and my ninth birthday)… the darkness enveloped me. Mother released a short, sharp shriek and hurried from the room. The last thing I heard was the key turn in the lock as I sat there, in the cellar of the Malfoy Estate, and the full moon rose overhead.
The transformation has begun.
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I hope you enjoyed this little, introspective chapter from Remus. Please review! The best bit for most writers is reader reaction; whether it be good or bad. If you like it, tell me – if not, let me know WHY! See you all later! :)