don't own Star Wars; it belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. No money
is being earned and no infringement is intended. Please don't sue, because
I'm just a poor college student and have no money.
Distribute as you wish, with
disclaimer intact, but please contact me before
posting it on another web
page. OK? I welcome any, and all constructive
comments to me at: swbriatharen@yahoo.com
:~)
Story notes:
Thoughts are italicized.
Direct book quotes are in
contained within //s. The quotes come from Junior
Jedi Knights #1 - The Golden
Globe by Nancy Richardson and Rebirth by Greg
Keyes. There is also a bit
of Star By Star by Troy Denning at the end, but
these parts are contained
within quotes as they aren't memories.
The song lyrics at the end
of the vignette are from the song I Will Not Forget
You by Sarah McLachlan.
It can be found on her Solace album. The song
belongs to Sarah and her
recording company.
Completed January 30, 2003
*******************
Porcelain Tears
Cold.
That is the first thing I
noticed. Without you, the galaxy had lost much of its
warmth. Without my best
friend, it seemed so empty, even when surrounded by
friends.
Anakin...
Even the thought of your
name causes pain and I am forced to choke back a
sob. I can't block the tears
though. They roll down my cheeks, heavy as
porcelain, before they fall
to the ground and shatter- much like the now broken
pieces of my heart.
I should've kissed you, but
I didn't. I hadn't wanted it to be a goodbye kiss. Not
that it mattered... it was
our last goodbye.
Oh Anakin... why'd it have
to be you? My best friend. I thought it was hard
enough when you left the
academy with Mara. But at least then you were alive.
Now I have to face the future
without you. Without my other half. We were
young together, Anakin.
I naïvely thought nothing could separate us or come
between us. Together we
had always been something more. Master Ikrit always
told us that and I took
comfort in its truth.
With that thought my mind
flies back in time. The lush Yavin IV moon is
brought to the forefront
of my memory. I'm 9 years old again and barefoot, in
the Grand Audience Chamber.
Upon seeing you I had burst into conversation,
hoping to make a new friend.
I remember your surprise and then when I asked
you if you were going to
say something, you wondered why I wasn't wearing
shoes.
It's a sweet and innocent
memory. From day one, we were the best of friends.
We were... I can't hold
back a sob any longer as I hear your voice in my
memory.
//I'm meant to be a Jedi
Knight. But so are you. Tionne and Uncle Luke
wouldn't have brought you
to Yavin 4 if you weren't strong in the Force. And
even if you aren't that
important to the Sand People, you're important to me.
I'm
your family now.//
Family... yes, that is what
we had quickly become, years ago... but recently
we'd become even closer.
I loved you, Anakin, and I knew you felt the same
way about me.
//Maybe you don't know very
much about girls. You just kissed me, and now
you want me to clear my
mind?//
My cheeks flush at the warmth
of that memory, taking the coldness way, even if
only for a moment. I feel
once again the startling realization that my best friend,
that *you* had kissed me.
The kiss hadn't been big, but it had been soft and felt
so right.
Why Anakin, why it'd have
to be you that died? My eyes close in pain at the
memories. It was as if all
our time together had flashed before my eyes in rapid
sequence.
Is that how it was for you?
Did your life or our time together flash through your
memory in your final moments
before I felt our connection break? Did it bring
you a moment of warm memories,
as it did for me? I hope it did.
My mind snaps back to the present, as I hear Jaina's voice.
"Keep watching. And whatever
you do, stay with him. I'll be there as soon as I
can."
I see Jacen grab her arm
right before she reached the door. "What are you
doing?"
I can't believe it. The Yuuzhan
Vong took your spirit from us, but I refuse to let
them have your body. "Going
after Anakin's body - what do you think? They
aren't taking him anywhere."
I follow Jaina and the rest
into the darkness. It seems appropriate to me, the
blackness of it all. I am
no longer the person I was before this mission. But do
not fear. I don't want revenge.
The Yuuzhan Vong tortured and scarred me.
That was terrible. Now they
have taken you from me as well.
It's almost unbearable, Anakin.
I want to collapse in sorrow, but I cannot. I
can't do it because sorrow
is not peace, and peace is what the Jedi are fighting
for... what you died for.
Unfortunately, it is something the Yuuzhan Vong
can't understand. So I will
continue this mission, Anakin. I will do it in your
memory.
And I will oh I will not
forget you
Nor will I ever let you
go
I will oh I will not
forget you
The End.