( Prophecy of the North, Silmarillion chap The Flight of the Noldor).
Chapter 12: Regret
Galadriel walked in the forest alone, finding solace and comfort among the beautiful trees of Mirkwood. They seemed to be singing under the dim light of the stars as the night wind toyed their leaves and branches, reminding her of Lothlorien, her realm, and of Lorien in her birth land, where the Trees used to grow.
Galadriel found a large rock and sat on it while she sang absentmindedly,
"O Lorien! The Winter comes, the bare and leafless Day;
The leaves are falling in the stream, the River flows away…*"
She paused as tears blurred her vision. She had shed too many tears these days, very much unlike her youthful days when tears were unusual and sorrow was but a bizarre concept. Galadriel smiled at the remembrance of her joyful youth, her mother scolding at her countless childhood escapades ; Finrod's laugh when she climbed her first tree, and fell; Feanor's desire as he saw her glistening hair, and her prideful rejections of his request; her first encounter with Celeborn; their first kiss, and love making; his continuous patience with her; Celebrian's birth, and departure…
Galadriel had gambled when she rejected Valar's order to return to the Blessed Land, and now she had lost everything. She had nothing which used to keep her from her homeland and parents; no kingdom, no brothers, no family, no husband, not even pride. She was but a captive under supervision of young and ignorant Elves, waiting her doom. Even if she escaped this crisis unscathed, she could never go back to Valinor, and she would have to endure each tormenting second in her immortal life as her longing for the Sea consumed her. 'Oh Celebrian, mother, father, brothers! Never will I see you again. And Celeborn, my husband, my beloved! When the Sea calls will you succumb? Leaving me to wither all alone in this exile land I have chosen myself?'
She climbed a tree and sat on its highest branch. This was a thing she had never done for centuries to keep her dignity among her people, but now Pride was nothing more than a shadow of her old glory.
'Would I have agreed to return if I have known this would be my end? But then, even the wisest cannot see all ends. Or maybe Valar had known, and in their concern, they ordered me to go back, but I rebelled against them.' She smiled ruefully and her thought wander to the last friend she had 'Legolas is disgusted at me; I guess that's what I deserve, for who I am but a Kinslayer?'
Galadriel felt like she was seeing her former self on a stage, proud and foolish, ambitious and hasty, but without any clue of her gloomy future.
'Will you not regret your decision in the future, my love?'
She shook her head impatiently, 'How many times have we talked about this? I never regret anything, and I will not regret anything, Celeborn. Are you coming with me or not?'
Celeborn frowned, 'Of course I will. It is not myself whom I am concerned about, for the shore of Aman would always welcome me if I grow weary of this land and my longing for Sea becomes unbearable. I am concerned for you! Are you fully aware that this decision is irreversible, and you will never step on the shore of Blessed Realm again for all eternity, save perhaps, if Death claims you?'
Galadriel held her chin high, and answered confidently, 'I am fully aware of it. Now let us leave.'
She could hear as Celeborn sighed and mounted his horse before she raced ahead hastily, denying her uneasiness, which came from her gentle inner voice as she warned her of her false choice.
'I never regret anything, and I will not regret anything,' she repeated her former words in remorse. At this point, she found them a parody, and she wanted to laugh. Laugh till her tears fell, laughed till she went mad, laughed till she forgot herself.
And she did. She laughed and laughed till her sanity forced her back to the cruel grip of reality and she could not help but weep, 'Oh! Life is but comedy , and all of us are the sad-face clown mocked by the audiences'.
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*this song is in LOTR book 2, chapter Farewell to Lorien.
Ok there was no clown in Middle Earth, but I hope you get the meaning.
About the debate of why Galadriel stayed in Middle Earth, well, its not my intention to settle it down. But this is just the way my story flows, and I follow.
For tales about Galadriel and Finrod, and Celeborn, I recommend very strongly : Silver and Gold by Oboe-wan. and for tales about Galadriel, Celeborn and Celebrimbor, the breathtaking masterpiece: Fire and Light, also by my teacher (beta reader): Oboe-wan.
This is one of my favorite chapter, and was done long before I posted it. What do you think of it? Well, I am open for suggestion since I haven't written the next ones.