Author's Note: You... WANT to be Gollum? O_o Didn't see that coming. Sure,
I guess. If anyone wants to be in the story, you can just ask. If you want
a role, you can ask that too, but I can't guarantee anything. Yeah. If you
want Albert, you're just gonna hafta wait a while until he escapes or until
I'm forced to bring him back, whichever comes first. Otherwise, sure. I
don't care.
Chapter 4
(Servi: Back to this fic, which appears to be next on the author's parody rotation cycle, which isn't actually a cycle more as whichever work of gaming, cinema, or literature he feels like butchering at any particular moment.)
Striker: Hey! Stick to 'parody rotation cycle'! It makes it sound more like I know what I'm doing.
(Servi: Pfft. As if.)
Striker: *thwacks the cloud bank with Gandalf's staff* Shaddap. Stay with the script.
(Servi: What script?)
Striker: O_o Oh yeah... there isn't one, is there? *blink* Oh well. We'll improv, then.
Lavitz: Isn't that what this entire fic is to begin with?
Striker: Well... yeah. Your point?
Lavitz: *shrug*
Dart: So I'm stuck being short again, right?
Striker: Yup.
Dart: *groan*
Striker: Okey dokey, where'd we leave off... ah yes... the going-away party.
Lloyd: Yes, you're such a horrible author that we've spent three chapters doing about four pages of the book.
Striker: Lloyd?
Lloyd: Yes?
Striker: *points at him* Bang. You're dead.
Lloyd: *falls over, dead*
Lavitz: O_o Whoa... how did you do that?
Striker: Simple. He's too stupid to realize it was just my finger and not a real gun. Stupid Wingly.
Lloyd: *wakes up* Racist, RACIST! I'm gonna sic Al Sharpton on you!
Striker: O_O NO, not Al Sharpton! *hides* Don't let him get me...
Miranda: $@#% #$^@ $%#@ ^$&# Al Sharpton?
Striker: Al Sharpton is scary...
Meru: Will you keep it down? I'm TRYING to watch Powerpuff Girls!
Striker: Why does that not surprise me?
Meru: Shut up! Aw... you made me miss the part where Bubbles beats up on the monkey with the big brain.
Striker: Who, Albert?
Lavitz: O_o Ouch. I thought you liked Albert.
Striker: I do, but there are just some opportunities that are just too good to resist. Besides, I make fun of you, Rose, and Dart. Mostly Dart, but that's because he's too easy.
Dart: *looks up after dousing himself in gasoline* Eh? *shrugs and starts flicking his lighter happily*
Striker: See what I mean?
Haschel: How long do you think it'll take him to set himself on fire?
Rose: I've got 20 bucks on less than a minute.
Haschel: Pfft. 30 on less than 45 seconds.
Rose: 50 on less than 30.
Haschel: You're on.
Dart: *whole body goes up in flames* Ahhh! I've been betrayed by Zippo and the funny-smelling stuff that burns! *runs in circles*
Haschel: How long was that?
Rose: *checks watch* ...4 and a half seconds.
Haschel: Damn. I knew I should gone for 20 seconds...
Rose: Boo hoo. Fork it over, geezer.
Haschel: *grumbles and hands Rose the fifty bucks* Who are you calling a geezer anyway? You're, what, eleventy billion years old?
Rose: *fingers rapier* Watch it, Magic-Boy.
Striker: Pfft. Bob, you both suck. One would think you could be a little more creative than that.
Meru: Awww... everyone's hugging... *wipes tear* *commercials come on* Yay! Commercials!
Striker: Oh, Bob no...
Anonymous Annoying Kid #1: I had dinner with Max last night!
Striker: *starts twitching uncontrollably*
Anonymous Annoying Kid #2: Who?
All: *eating microwave popcorn as Striker goes into a convulsing spasm on the floor*
Anonymous Annoying Kids #3 and 4: MAXARONI!
Striker: NOOOOOO!
(Servi: Cue uber-annoying high-pitched music here.)
Striker: *continues convulsing as the demonic stoned kids' super-high- pitched happy singing eats away at his brain* ARGH, the bad advertising! It burns us, precious, it buuuuurrrns! Nasty hobbitses! NASTY!
Lloyd: O_o What, now you're Gollum?
Striker: *smacks Lloyd, then returns to his agonized twitching*
Lloyd: *gasps* You dare mar my perfection? *sniffles and rubs his head* Ouchies...
Anonymous Annoying Kid #126: Principal alert!
Striker: *restrain snaps* KILL! *starts beating the TV with a frozen salmon* DIE, demons of irritation from the stinky orange box of evil! Feel scaly death at the fins of justice!
Meru: *gasp of horror* My TV! *pounces towards the deranged author*
Striker: *turns on Meru and snaps fingers*
Meru: *turns into a capybara*
Striker: *grabs the capybara Meru* Pretty kittty, yesssss... *pets Meru*
All: O_o
(Servi: As an automatic result of the author snapping his fingers, Shana is also revived, to the great misfortune of all involved.)
Shana: Hi everyone! ^_^ *starts sniffing flowers*
Dart: *looks up from where he was being used to microwave the bags of popcorn, and starts twitching at the sound of Shana's voice* AAAAIIIIIIE! *starts running in circles again, and HAPPENS to catch Shana on fire as well*
Lavitz: Oh, for crying out loud... *douses Dart with a gust of wind*
Dart: *falls over* X_x
Striker: *spins around, for his spasm has appeared to have jarred his brain* Fools! I am MISHAP MAN, purveyor of random accidents! *snaps fingers, and a safe falls on the flaming Shana*
Haschel: Pfft, and he was calling US unoriginal. I mean, how cliché can you get?
Striker: *throws a rabid gerbil at Haschel, who ducks, but the crazed rodent keeps going, and sinks its teeth into a nearby cow, who kicks over a lit kerosene lantern, which lights some of Dart's leftover gasoline, which burns in a straight line and sets Haschel on fire*
Rose: *falls over laughing* Now THAT'S creative!
Doel: *gasp* COW! *eyes glow red, draws swords* Kill cow! *chases after rabid bovine*
Striker: *laughs insanely at the chaos he has caused, then runs off in some random direction to wreak more havoc*
Dart: *gets up* Shouldn't someone go after him?
All: *look at each other* Nah...
Meru: *sqeaks, meows, or whatever sound capybaras make* O_o
Greham: Sooooo... who's up for raiding Blockbuster and making off with free movies and video games?
Miranda: WEEDOG!
Dart: Waaaait... you're allowed to burn things for no reason while raiding, right?
Greham: Yup!
Dart: I'm in!
All: *go off to utterly destroy the nearest Blockbuster*
Kongol: *comes out of the bathroom, where he's been the whole time* Eh?
Meru: *sqeaks, meows, or whatever sound capybaras make*
************************************************************************
(Servi: Meanwhile, Dart's dark army is in a public park. O_o)
Evil Soldier: *chasing after a duck* Dumme ente! Ich hungrig! (Translation: Stupid duck! Me hungry!)
Author's Note: Yup, that had nothing to do with Lord of the Rings or the parody at all. Will Doel catch the rabid cow? What movies will the gang loot from the poor Blockbuster? And will Striker EVER get back to the movie? Probably not! Anyway, I need someone to be Bilbo, so if you have a suggestion, or if you want to be him, just say so in the review! If you want to be in the parody at all, say that too, and a role if you want one. I'll let you know if it's not taken.
Chapter 4
(Servi: Back to this fic, which appears to be next on the author's parody rotation cycle, which isn't actually a cycle more as whichever work of gaming, cinema, or literature he feels like butchering at any particular moment.)
Striker: Hey! Stick to 'parody rotation cycle'! It makes it sound more like I know what I'm doing.
(Servi: Pfft. As if.)
Striker: *thwacks the cloud bank with Gandalf's staff* Shaddap. Stay with the script.
(Servi: What script?)
Striker: O_o Oh yeah... there isn't one, is there? *blink* Oh well. We'll improv, then.
Lavitz: Isn't that what this entire fic is to begin with?
Striker: Well... yeah. Your point?
Lavitz: *shrug*
Dart: So I'm stuck being short again, right?
Striker: Yup.
Dart: *groan*
Striker: Okey dokey, where'd we leave off... ah yes... the going-away party.
Lloyd: Yes, you're such a horrible author that we've spent three chapters doing about four pages of the book.
Striker: Lloyd?
Lloyd: Yes?
Striker: *points at him* Bang. You're dead.
Lloyd: *falls over, dead*
Lavitz: O_o Whoa... how did you do that?
Striker: Simple. He's too stupid to realize it was just my finger and not a real gun. Stupid Wingly.
Lloyd: *wakes up* Racist, RACIST! I'm gonna sic Al Sharpton on you!
Striker: O_O NO, not Al Sharpton! *hides* Don't let him get me...
Miranda: $@#% #$^@ $%#@ ^$&# Al Sharpton?
Striker: Al Sharpton is scary...
Meru: Will you keep it down? I'm TRYING to watch Powerpuff Girls!
Striker: Why does that not surprise me?
Meru: Shut up! Aw... you made me miss the part where Bubbles beats up on the monkey with the big brain.
Striker: Who, Albert?
Lavitz: O_o Ouch. I thought you liked Albert.
Striker: I do, but there are just some opportunities that are just too good to resist. Besides, I make fun of you, Rose, and Dart. Mostly Dart, but that's because he's too easy.
Dart: *looks up after dousing himself in gasoline* Eh? *shrugs and starts flicking his lighter happily*
Striker: See what I mean?
Haschel: How long do you think it'll take him to set himself on fire?
Rose: I've got 20 bucks on less than a minute.
Haschel: Pfft. 30 on less than 45 seconds.
Rose: 50 on less than 30.
Haschel: You're on.
Dart: *whole body goes up in flames* Ahhh! I've been betrayed by Zippo and the funny-smelling stuff that burns! *runs in circles*
Haschel: How long was that?
Rose: *checks watch* ...4 and a half seconds.
Haschel: Damn. I knew I should gone for 20 seconds...
Rose: Boo hoo. Fork it over, geezer.
Haschel: *grumbles and hands Rose the fifty bucks* Who are you calling a geezer anyway? You're, what, eleventy billion years old?
Rose: *fingers rapier* Watch it, Magic-Boy.
Striker: Pfft. Bob, you both suck. One would think you could be a little more creative than that.
Meru: Awww... everyone's hugging... *wipes tear* *commercials come on* Yay! Commercials!
Striker: Oh, Bob no...
Anonymous Annoying Kid #1: I had dinner with Max last night!
Striker: *starts twitching uncontrollably*
Anonymous Annoying Kid #2: Who?
All: *eating microwave popcorn as Striker goes into a convulsing spasm on the floor*
Anonymous Annoying Kids #3 and 4: MAXARONI!
Striker: NOOOOOO!
(Servi: Cue uber-annoying high-pitched music here.)
Striker: *continues convulsing as the demonic stoned kids' super-high- pitched happy singing eats away at his brain* ARGH, the bad advertising! It burns us, precious, it buuuuurrrns! Nasty hobbitses! NASTY!
Lloyd: O_o What, now you're Gollum?
Striker: *smacks Lloyd, then returns to his agonized twitching*
Lloyd: *gasps* You dare mar my perfection? *sniffles and rubs his head* Ouchies...
Anonymous Annoying Kid #126: Principal alert!
Striker: *restrain snaps* KILL! *starts beating the TV with a frozen salmon* DIE, demons of irritation from the stinky orange box of evil! Feel scaly death at the fins of justice!
Meru: *gasp of horror* My TV! *pounces towards the deranged author*
Striker: *turns on Meru and snaps fingers*
Meru: *turns into a capybara*
Striker: *grabs the capybara Meru* Pretty kittty, yesssss... *pets Meru*
All: O_o
(Servi: As an automatic result of the author snapping his fingers, Shana is also revived, to the great misfortune of all involved.)
Shana: Hi everyone! ^_^ *starts sniffing flowers*
Dart: *looks up from where he was being used to microwave the bags of popcorn, and starts twitching at the sound of Shana's voice* AAAAIIIIIIE! *starts running in circles again, and HAPPENS to catch Shana on fire as well*
Lavitz: Oh, for crying out loud... *douses Dart with a gust of wind*
Dart: *falls over* X_x
Striker: *spins around, for his spasm has appeared to have jarred his brain* Fools! I am MISHAP MAN, purveyor of random accidents! *snaps fingers, and a safe falls on the flaming Shana*
Haschel: Pfft, and he was calling US unoriginal. I mean, how cliché can you get?
Striker: *throws a rabid gerbil at Haschel, who ducks, but the crazed rodent keeps going, and sinks its teeth into a nearby cow, who kicks over a lit kerosene lantern, which lights some of Dart's leftover gasoline, which burns in a straight line and sets Haschel on fire*
Rose: *falls over laughing* Now THAT'S creative!
Doel: *gasp* COW! *eyes glow red, draws swords* Kill cow! *chases after rabid bovine*
Striker: *laughs insanely at the chaos he has caused, then runs off in some random direction to wreak more havoc*
Dart: *gets up* Shouldn't someone go after him?
All: *look at each other* Nah...
Meru: *sqeaks, meows, or whatever sound capybaras make* O_o
Greham: Sooooo... who's up for raiding Blockbuster and making off with free movies and video games?
Miranda: WEEDOG!
Dart: Waaaait... you're allowed to burn things for no reason while raiding, right?
Greham: Yup!
Dart: I'm in!
All: *go off to utterly destroy the nearest Blockbuster*
Kongol: *comes out of the bathroom, where he's been the whole time* Eh?
Meru: *sqeaks, meows, or whatever sound capybaras make*
************************************************************************
(Servi: Meanwhile, Dart's dark army is in a public park. O_o)
Evil Soldier: *chasing after a duck* Dumme ente! Ich hungrig! (Translation: Stupid duck! Me hungry!)
Author's Note: Yup, that had nothing to do with Lord of the Rings or the parody at all. Will Doel catch the rabid cow? What movies will the gang loot from the poor Blockbuster? And will Striker EVER get back to the movie? Probably not! Anyway, I need someone to be Bilbo, so if you have a suggestion, or if you want to be him, just say so in the review! If you want to be in the parody at all, say that too, and a role if you want one. I'll let you know if it's not taken.