While My Guitar Gently Weeps, a roswell fanfic

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

By Tracy (biancaheart@yahoo.com)

Rating: PG13

Category: Alex

Summary: Alex's musing as Tess' mindwarp begins to unravel once and for all.

Disclaimer: Song is by the Beatles. I loved the character of Alex and I was greatly saddened by his departure. His character brought so much more to the show. I don't own Roswell, and if I did, I would have found another way to give Colin a leave of absence from the show without killing the character.

I look at you all
See the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps

My guitar has become my salvation.

The steel strings under my fingers. They feel the same as they have for years. The same familiar feel. Just like they did when I was in sixth grade and my Dad bought me a guitar. I wanted a saxophone. I wanted to be in the band, but Dad couldn't afford a saxophone. He got the guitar second hand from some buddy of his. Cheap, I think. Dad was so proud, this giant smile on his face when he gave it to me.

Liz and Maria got so upset. I got so involved in this guitar that I ignored them. Gave up watching SNICK and Blood of Alien Sundaes for learning chords.

I don't think they've ever let me forget that.

I started to lose Liz and Maria in this whole alien debacle. I was so angry. Czechoslovakian this, Czechoslovakian that. Secret little side trips that I wasn't supposed to notice.

Things were weird even when you viewed them through the Maria filter.

And that's pretty damn weird.

"Give us your Blood Alex"…

I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps

My floor is really messy.

I'll have to bring the vacuum up here later.

Dad will have a fit.

He didn't like me going off to Sweden.

I didn't like Sweden much anyway.

Or what I can remember of it.

What was supposed to be the trip of a lifetime seems like just fragments of a daydream.

Sometimes I remember things that I shouldn't.

I put it into my computer. Secret files. Nobody knows my password. Nobody could figure it out.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

Until I remember that I am.

I don't know why nobody told you
How to unfold your love

Liz loves Max.

Max loves Liz.

I don't understand why they aren't together.

I don't understand why Maria and Michael always fight.

I don't understand Isabel and what I feel for her and what she feels for me and it all seems so weird but I know that I had the time of my life at the prom and that she is the most beautiful girl in the world and I hope that she doesn't graduate early and I hope that I can spend the rest of my life feeling like I do about her now and with her feeling that same way about me.

I don't understand things I should understand.

My past doesn't fit together right it's just that things that I remember don't go together right and I feel like my brain is going to fall out of my ears and be like the blue goo that fell in the cave when Kyle and I saved the world.

How many people can say they saved the world?

I don't know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you

Tess mindwarped Kyle. She took his memories and mixed them up.

She's using him.

She's using me.

A maneater. Using us and taking our brains and playing with them like silly putty.

I can't stop tapping my fingers. Tap, Tap, Tap.

It interferes with my guitar playing.

And that really pisses me off.

I remember what she did to me and I'm angry.

She took time out of my life so she could figure out how to get back to a planet full of her past. Serious issues with dealing with the future. Dealing with change.

Tap, Tap, Tap.

Memories flow back and I'm not sure what to believe.

Leanna is not Leanna.

Buy this postcard for Kyle. That mug for Liz. That shirt for Maria.

I wonder if they make Swedish Tabasco candy bars.

Leanna is not Leanna.

Tap, Tap, Tap.

I have miles to go before I sleep.

I have money for Beth Orton tickets. She's coming to Roswell.

The land of Windmills.

I really took that deal of cards in the pants.

The guy took all my money away.

The granolith can transport the Royal Four back to Antar…

The power center…

Tap, Tap, Tap.

I've always wanted to study abroad.

I didn't say goodbye.

Dial Isabel's phone number.

Maria audtioned to be a stripper.

Tom Collins.

Tap, Tap, Tap.

Kyle loves Tess.

Liz loves Max.

Nothing about destiny in the book.

All another translation.

Max loves Liz.

Tap, Tap, Tap.

Isabel likes seeing movies.

Maria likes My Little Ponies.

Kyle can't play the guitar.

Tap, Tap, Tap.

I think I'll write Leanna a letter. I haven't heard from her in a long time.

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps

I've been abducted. I don't remember my life.

I can't concentrate sometimes I can't think.

I'm crazy.

I can't tell what's real.

What's not real.

The floor needs sweeping.

Isabel kissed me.

Michael likes Braveheart.

Whittaker was a skin.

Destiny is…

Tap, Tap, Tap.

I won't graduate from high school.

I'm going to Beth Orton.

One day, I'll marry Isabel.

With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

Clues.

If I leave clues, someone can figure them out. Maybe Maria…or Liz, Liz is really good with that kind of stuff. Or maybe even Kyle, he's not the brightest in the bunch, but for a jock he's pretty smart.

Computer code.

1 and 0s

Foreign languages.

Symbols of a planet far away.

Tap, Tap, Tap.

Leanna is not Leanna.

Nicholas is not dead.

Kyle will have powers and so will Liz and they are part of the…

Tap, Tap, Tap.

Hide the truth.

Don't tell.

Tess doesn't like it when you tell.

The guy took all your money away Alex.

My heart hurts.

Take a picture you don't know how long this will last.

Viva Las Vegas.

The granolith can be used as a time machine…if I modify it I can go back and stop Tess and get my sanity back and then everything will be okay and not the end of the world and

Tap, Tap, Tap.

I don't know how you were diverted
You were perverted too

How can they not see?

Why won't they understand?

Maybe she's mindwarping them too.

Killing their brain cells.

Changing their realities. Blinking them out like what happened when the skins put the giant rod in the billboard.

Cold pancakes.

Leanna is not Leanna.

I was never in Sweden.

Tap, Tap, Tap.

Maria and Liz are my best friends.

Kyle used to beat me up when we were younger. He apologized in the cave.

I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride…

I can't remember…

I saved the world.

The Whits are my band.

Leann…tap, tap, tap.

I want my mother.

I don't know how you were inverted
No one alerted you

How could I have been so stupid?

How could we believe Tess?

Think that she wouldn't mindwarp us? Maybe it has all been a mindwarp. Maybe we are all still Sophmores in high school.

Maybe this is one funked out dream and I will wake up and go to school and Maria will complain about Liz dating Kyle…

Or maybe I'm still in another time dimension and I will come back to the Crashdown where my pancakes will be warm and I'll give Maria the mix tape and then I'll see if Kyle wants to go see the new Tom Cruise movie…

Maybe Isabel will want to go see a movie.

I didn't see any movies in Sweden.

Saw a lot of windmills though.

I look at you all see the love there that's
sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
Look at you all...
Still my guitar gently weeps.

Liz and Maria are coming over.

I don't have time to vacuum.

I'll make the bed.

Maybe Isabel will go see a movie with me. Or maybe we'll get involved in other types of extracurricular activities-like in the park…

Or maybe I'll go tell Max…

Tap, Tap, Tap.