Part 3 – Destiny
...I spent the next 2 hours in the hospital, but it was just to confirm the worst. My mother had died in that alley among the garbage, deep inside i was fuming no one deserves to die like that, especially not my mother. I was in a state of shock, alot of my bodily functions seemed to stop and i was just running on autopilot. I can remember the doctor confirming the news and a kindly nurse trying to comfort me but other than that the hospital was just a blur. The nature of her death had attracted the police, so they asked me if i was ok to go down to the station to tell them what I had seen, i just nodded my head...
1998 South Boston Police Station 22.54 p.m.
Faith was sitting in a small brightly lit room with a female police officer sitting across a table from her. She had been in the room answering various questions for the past half-hour. Faith had barely answered the questions in more than a couple of words, she was still pretty much in a state of shock from the events of the night " Can i go yet?" Faith pleaded. "Look Faith, we need to just get a few details of how you saw the incident, there is only a couple more questions to answer and then you can go, ok?" was the reply from the police woman in a soft yet stern tone of voice. Faith just nodded her head in reply. " Ok Faith, what do you think your mother was doing in that alley, was she going home, to visit a friend or was she just out for a walk?" the police officer asked in a stern tone. "I've already answered this... I told you i haven't got a clue!" Was the impatient response from Faith. "Ok Faith, now you arrived at the scene a few minutes after the crime was committed, did you see anyone suspicious leaving the alley?" the officer inquired. " I've told you, No, i didn't see any one coming, anyone going or anyone that had the words murderer tattooed on their forehead...ok, Can i go now?" Faith's voice was strong and impatient; the officer noticed this and decided to give up on the interview. She simply replied in a docile tone " Ok Faith i suppose I have enough information now, but remember should you think of anything no matter how small, Please give me a call on this number." She gave Faith a small card out of her top pocket, Faith took it just looked at it and slipped it into her pocket, and she then nodded to the Police officer. The woman then escorted Faith out of the station, just as they reached the large glass doors of the station the policewoman said to Faith, "I could give you a lift home if you want?" Without breaking a stride and not looking back, Faith simply replied, "Nah" She then continued on her way away from the station.
The area around the police station was a better part of town, none of the nearby shops were abandoned and there was barely a boarded up window. Faith decided to make her way home this time she made up her mind not to take shortcuts through the alleys she would have to go the long way round. It would be longer but she felt safer. Faith slowly walked down the sidewalks of the streets, the only light came from the few lampposts and a half hidden moon, she was either staring into the sky or just blankly looking ahead thinking, slowly turning over the events that had happened in her head. Then in front of her she noticed a stray coke can lying in the middle of the sidewalk, She then stopped and looked at the can. Faith then seemed to stare and focus on the can, seemingly gathering up all the anger, hurt and sorrow inside her. She then ran up to the can and put all her pent up feelings into kicking the can as far along the street as she could, this seemingly was the only way she had of getting her feelings out. She then stared down at the pavement in her own little world just listening to the noise of the can as it made its way down the street. The can rattled along the empty street there was nothing stopping it from rolling the long distance Faith had kicked, the can suddenly came to an abrupt stop.
Faith frowned and looked up to see why the can had suddenly stopped, Faith saw that it had stopped at the feet of a woman who was standing a few yards from herself. The woman was of a similar height to Faith, she was probably in her late thirties, and she had light brown hair tied back in a small ponytail she was wearing a light grey suit with a white blouse on underneath, she had a stern look on her face and her eyes were hidden being a small pair of thin grey spectacles, she was looking directly at Faith. "Hello Faith" the woman spoke at Faith in a thick British accent. Faith at first looked at the woman quizzically as though she had seen the woman before but she didn't know where. Faith then just shook her head and carried on walking past the English woman, brushing her with her shoulder as she went past and replying "Get lost lady,"
The woman didn't accept the brush off and followed Faith she started to say "Wait I've been sent..." Faith then turned around angrily and cut her off, " Listen lady I don't care who you are, but get lost". She started to walk off and then turned around and continued " That cop didn't send you did she, your not some sort of shrink are you, if you are here's the story, I found my mom dead in a pile of trash a few hours ago and I want to be left alone to deal you know, so leave me alone!" Faith then turned and fled, running down the street anything to put some distance between her and the woman. The woman stayed silent through all this and carried a look of concern on her face that turned to one of shock when she heard Faiths tirade, after Faith had bolted the English woman turned and headed off in a different direction.
...I just ran and ran, running from that woman, well running from anyone really. I wanted to be alone, i didn't want anyone to help me, in my mind it was just Faith against the world. I thought i could only rely on myself to get over it...what a screw up i would make of that. That woman though she was familiar, i had seen her in my dreams the previous night, at the time i was too consumed with my own sorrow and guilt to really take note of this, but i now know that this would not be the last I had seen of her. Yes i felt guilty for my mothers death, i felt guilty in alot of different ways, guilty that since my dad left we never got along, guilty that i never became the kind of daughter that she must have dreamed about before i was born and most of all guilty that i could have prevented her from dying. I knew she went out to buy alcohol, i didn't tell the cops because i was ashamed. The thing was she asked me to buy it for her, if i had gone she wouldn't be dead, maybe it would have been me lying there, i just couldn't shake the thoughts out of my head, but soon i would find out the truth, it would take all my guilt away and just leave emptiness and resentment, it would be one of the incidents that would contribute further down the track to the dark person i would become...
Faith didn't stop running until she got home; she hurriedly ran up the steps to her apartment block and burst through the outside doors, she then stopped and bent over with her hands on her knees, panting hard, and blowing huge breaths of air. She then collected herself opened the door to her right and entered her home. The place was exactly as she had left it an untidy mess; there was still a slight hint of Vodka in the air. Faith then began to slowly walk around the apartment looking in every room she looked seemingly lost in what was supposed to be a familiar place, she then reached her moms room, she entered the room and sat forlornly on the edge of the bed. She looked around the room at the messed up sheets and then at the framed photographs scattered around the room. Faith picked one up, it was a medium size frame just bigger than Faiths hand, and it was a picture of a woman and her daughter. Both had dark hair and the daughter was sitting in the sunshine on a swing. The picture was of Faith and her mother taken by her father when she was very young. Faith just stared at the photo for a while she then casually threw it aside and continued to look around the room; she then noticed the empty alcohol bottles on a shelf.
…Alcohol, I absolutely hate the stuff now, as I look back I can see that this destroyed my moms life it drove away my father and drove away me. It is said that if your parents are alcoholics you will end up one of two ways, an alcoholic like them before you or absolutely teetotal, at that time I could have gone either way…
Faith went over too the shelf and took one of the bottles in her hand and looked down at it, with sadness in her eyes, which quickly turned to anger, Faith then threw the bottle against the wall on the opposite side of the room, with a loud angry scream. She then just stared at the pieces of shattered glass; angry tears start to flow down her face. Faith then turned around and looked at the shelf where the bottle once was, the items that her mother had placed there now caught her eye, She dried her eyes and went back over to the shelf. She then took the items and sat on the bed cross-legged and placed the items in front of her. She picked up the larger of the two envelopes and tore it open; there was a card inside. Faith glanced at the cover which had a colourful flowered design with the words "Sweet Sixteen" emblazoned on the front, she then opened up the card and read the message on the inside " To My Faith, Happy Birthday All My Love your Mom Evelyn, P.S. I hope you like the presents." As Faith read a half smile began to appear and then it disappeared as her thoughts wandered from the message in her card to the events of the night.
Faith then decided to open the presents that her mom had left, she ripped off the wrapping paper of the rectangular package inside was a case. There was a click as Faith opened it, inside was a beautiful silver necklace. She lifted it out of the case and held it up in front of her face just staring in amazement. She then put the necklace on it was flush around her neck, more like a choker. Faith just felt her neck around where the necklace was; she was stunned at the gift. Faith then unwrapped the second present, it was a hand crafted wooden picture frame, and the back of the frame was facing her. As she turned the frame around she saw that it was a picture of her being cradled in her mothers arms the picture was 5 years old. This didn't matter Faith stared at the picture and even after the events of the past day she still allowed herself a small smile. Faith then spent the next few minutes looking and touching her gifts.
...I was in a state of shock and disbelief the gifts were so touching and i loved them, my mom had remembered, she did care and that made me happy. I felt guilty though that i was feeling this happy and my mom wasn't here to share in it, but that feeling wouldn't last for long, happiness for me rarely did back then...
As Faith was admiring her other presents, she remembered that there was still one smaller envelope yet to be opened, she returned to the bed and picked up the smaller scruffy envelope. Faith opened it and inside was a small note on folded in half. Faith began to read to letter, the first line said "To Faith my little Firecracker" Faith raised an even bigger smile at the mention of one the names her mom had called her when she was little, then as Faith read on her expression changed alot of the letter was illegible but some parts Faith could make out better than others.
...Sorry i just couldn't go on...you were the only light in my life...I'm sorry i wasn't there for you...
As Faith read on the tears began to flow, running like tap water down her cheeks and along her skin until they came to the edges of her face and then they fell, making the top she was wearing a darker shade of red.
...I must do this, i must leave this life in the hope that somebody will take you in when I'm gone, to give you the life you deserve...remember i will love you always...Mom...
Faith just sat, tears streaming down her face reading the note over and over, trying to comprehend the reasoning behind it.
...All i kept on thinking was why and how. Then i remembered the bag that was in the alley, the tablets, she was going to OD, there was nothing i could do to stop her death, if it hadn't been the murder it would've been the tablets. That was the moment all my guilt and sadness went, it left me with resentment and anger instead, well that's what i thought at the time. Looking back i think i felt anger and resentment because i didn't want to accept what i really felt. I really felt helpless, loneliness and i felt scared these last two went hand in hand, i was scared that i was now truly alone, yes i had been lonely before but my mom was always there, deep down i always hoped we'd be close again but now we'd never get the chance. I held onto this anger and resentment, it was a part of me for so long, it contributed to the bad things i would do, I would pass my anger and resentment around directing it towards different people, to my dead mom, to the demons i used to fight and to Buffy, instead of dealing with it. I have only recently begun to learn to let go of my anger. At that time i thought my destiny was to be alone to be like my mother, and if it weren't for the calling of my real destiny i would have ended up exactly like her dead and alone...
Faith then got up from the bed the tears had stopped but her eyes were red and her face was stinging, the anger inside her was boiling up as she made her way over to the bathroom. Faith again looked at herself in the mirror, the mirror was still smudged from last night, and so she couldn't really see herself. But she just wiped away her tears and then opened the mirror cabinet and stared at the hip flask hidden at the back, she remarked to herself "I guess like mother like daughter!"
Faith took out the flask and unscrewed the top she put the bottle up to her lips and tipped her head back and started to swallow the contents, she didn't stop until the flask was empty. She then began to search the apartment, checking in cupboards under the bed searching anywhere for more alcohol. She found a few bottles with small amounts of alcohol in them. Faith drank them as fast as she could. She searched the house again, but there was nothing the house was completely dry. Faith reached into her pocket and pulled out some loose change, as she counted it she thought to herself...just enough for a bottle.
...At this point i was thinking... no i wasn't thinking i was just acting i was being driven to the drink just like my mom had and i didn't realise it. The general store was open 24 hours a day and they sold cheap booze, i knew i could get more there, so i went to it and brought the same cheap vodka as my mother. I was heading down my moms path but i didn't care i was hoping it would take away my anger and loneliness...
1998 somewhere in South Boston 01.36 a.m.
Faith stepped out of the liquor store much in the same vein as her mother had done earlier in the night, she carried in her hand a bottle of Vodka. She began to drink the bottle as soon as she had exited the shop. Faith now made her way down the alleys towards her home. She avoided the ones where her mother had been killed, and instead went in a different direction. The bottle of Vodka was now nearly finished Faith was staggering down the alley using her arm to support her against the walls of the alley as she went. "You damn bitch" was the hate filled scream that came from Faith "why did you have to leave me" she pleaded as she tripped up and fell over, she was now lying on her back facing up not bothered that she was lying in a puddle full of rain, or that there was pieces of trash scattered around her. Faith just let out a small chuckle and remarked, "Well i guess I'm five by five...well five bottles anyway" She then staggered to her feet, slumping against the wall to try to keep herself oh her feet. She managed to walk a few yards; she then just collapsed on the floor again in the same position as she was previously in staring at the stars in the sky muttering drunken gibberish to herself. As Faith lay just muttering to herself, the alley became more darker as a shadow was cast over her, she heard a sniggering comment, "Well, well, well these alleyways are just full of surprises!"
Faith couldn't see the figure that was standing over her but she felt it as it grabbed her by the throat and pulled her up so that they were face to face. The figure was that of the dark haired woman that had previously accompanied Ianus, she was wearing her now familiar demon face. Faith just looked at the woman and let out a small snigger as she commented, "wow have you just not heard of make up and facials?" The dark haired woman just grinned sadistically and replied "two in one night, but your younger." She then stroked Faiths cheek and her hand continued until it came to Faiths chin "So sweet and succulent...not like the previous one she tasted all old and more like a liquor store and what can i say I'm not much for alcohol" she continued. Faiths head just swayed as she tried to focus her eyes, not really taking in anything the woman was saying. The dark haired woman then pulled Faiths hair aside and licked her lips at the exposed neck.
"Get away from her!" came a loud cry from the end of the alley; the voice had a thick English accent and had harshness to it. The Dark haired woman looked up and saw a woman standing at the end of the alley. She was the same woman that had tried to talk to Faith outside of the police station and she had a cross in her outstretched hand. The Dark haired woman released her grip on Faith, Faith just limply fell to the floor, and she now turned her full attention to the English woman. A smile appeared on the dark haired woman's face as she moved down the alley towards the English woman. The English woman lowered her cross and outstretched her other arm and closed her eyes. Suddenly small yellow fireflies began to swirl around her hand, she than began to chant "diabolus amo inconsumptus cremo" the fireflies around her hand then disappeared. This stopped the demon-faced woman in her tracks, she then quipped "Nice light show lady!" A huge grin appeared on her face, the grin then turned to a look of concern as the dark haired woman looked down at her body, the woman than burst into a flaming torch. Faith who was now lying on the floor turned her head to look at the other too figures in the alley, she had to cover her face from the warmth of the fire the flames then died down. Faith then removed her arm but when she did she saw the female that had been assaulting her explode into a pile of dust. Faith just looked on in disbelief, she could then make out that a woman was coming her way. Faith was still lying on the floor the English woman stood above her she just uttered, "Who, What?" The English woman responded " Hello Faith, I'm Elizabeth I'm here to tell you of your destiny you have been chosen as a warrior to fight vampires demons and the forces of Darkness!" Faith simply replied "Me?" That was the only word Faith spoke before she passed out.