Chapter 2 : Lyra is kinapped. . . er. . . comes to visit!
Live from an aluminum trash can, it's. . .
THE SHARPIE SHOW!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Max: Today we have a very special guest.
Kate: Actually, Max just likes saying "special".
Max: I do not!
Kate: He thinks it makes things sound important.
Max: Shut up. *whacks Kate with his spatula*
Kate: Oww!
Max: Please welcome Lyra Belacqua/Silvertongue!
*random people drag Lyra in*
Kate: HI LYRA! *waves*
Lyra: Lemme go! Where am I?
Kate: You're on THE SHARPIE SHOW!
Max: The show where we kidnap random His Dark Materials characters and force them to answer our questions!
Lyra: I ent answering no questions.
Kate: Good!
Lyra: *blink*
Kate: I love gramattical technicalities XD
Lyra: Where's Pantalaimon?
Max: He's not here. We're interviewing him later.
Lyra: . . .
Kate: Okay! First question is from me! What's up with your name?
Lyra: Huh?
Kate: Well, it just sounds so much like liar, that I wondered if maybe that's what it meant. You do lie a lot, after all.
Lyra: Not that I know of.
Max: *from behind the Dictionary* It says here Lyra is a northern constellation that represents the lyre of Orpheus.
Kate: So you're a musical instrument!
Lyra: No! What kind of a show is this?
Kate: A spiffy one!
Max: Our second question is from ElfinQueenMurasaki, who asks "If you had five watermelons in one pocket, and five coconuts in the other, what is the circumference of a French Corn Chip?"
Lyra: o.O What?
Kate: The answer, of course, is 77 gold duck feathers! The next question is from Some Guy who asks "Did you and Will ever have sexual contact?"
Max: Hey, I've been wondering that too.
Lyra: Even if I did, what makes you think I'd tell you? That's none of your business!
Kate: Boys. *eyeroll*
Lyra: Hmph.
Kate: *whispers to Lyra* Did you?
Lyra: I'm not saying we DIDN'T . . . *micheivous grin*
Kate: *giggles insanely*
Max: Girls. *eyeroll*
Kate: *continues to giggle*
Max: This question is . . .
Kate: *is still giggling*
Max: *singsong voice* Oh Ka-a-a-ate. . .
Kate: What?!
Max: Shut up! *whacks Kate with Chester*
Kate: Oww! Co-host abuse!
Max: That's better. Now this question comes from Hikaness. . .
Kate: HI HIKA!
Max: *glares at Kate* Hikaness asks WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY KITCHEN? Oh... wait... you're not in my kitchen! You're in my computer! *sobs* WHY ARE YOU STALKING ME?
Lyra: What?! I was never in your kitchen! I swear, I know nothing about any strawberry mousse! I wasn't involved in the pasta incident, it was like that when I got there! I'm not in your computer!
Kate: You're in mine!
Lyra: . . . I SWEAR I'M NOT STALKING ANYONE! Why do I always get blamed for everything?!
Max: Because you usually DO everything?
Lyra: Could be.
Kate: *randomly sets Lyra's skirt on fire*
Lyra: AAAUGH! *frantically rolls around to put the fire out* WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!
Kate: I wanted to see how people burn when they're separated from their daemons!
Max: No you didn't, you're just a pyromaniac.
Kate: I like fire *-*
Lyra: SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS CRAZY PLACE! *makes a break for freedom*
Max: Oh no you don't, we're not through with you! *random people grab Lyra and tie her to her chair*
Kate: Comfy?
Lyra: No.
Kate Good! Usakitten asks "just exactly how far did you go with Will?"
Lyra: *picks at the knots in the rope* Wouldn't you like to know.
Max: Yes, we would.
Kate: I wasn't finished. "We know you made-out, and bathed together. . ."
Lyra: How did you find out?!
Kate: I read the Amber Spyglass!
Max: Twice!
Kate: So answer the question.
Lyra: And what if I don't?
Kate: Then you will be subject to the talents of Max and his Spatula of Doom.
Lyra: O.o what?
Max: *maniacal grin* Heheh. . . Chester likes to torture uncooperative hostages. . . er. . . guests!
Lyra: O.O ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! *whispers something in Kate's ear that maker her turn a lovely shade of red and giggle like a schoolgirl high on Mountain Dew*
Max: HEY! What did she say?
Kate: I'll tell you when you're older. Maybe.
Max: I hate you.
Kate: ^_^ I hate you too! *hugs Max*
Max: You're an idiot.
Kate: You're a boy named Sue.
Max: *glare*
Lyra: This is worse than Bolvangar! Someone get me out of here!
Kate: Not before we ask you another question.
Max: Right. Morpherkidvb asks "When you think about Will, do you associate his name with things like 'Catnip', 'lover', and 'Wild African Buffalo'?"
Lyra: Catnip, no. Lover, yes. Wild African Buffalo, yes.
Kate: You associate Will with a Wild African Buffalo?
Lyra: . . .yes. Yes I do.
Kate: That's weird.
Max: Sounds like something YOU would say! *points at Kate and laughs*
Kate: Oh be quiet. *whacks Max with her microphone*
Max : *dies* X.X
Kate: Good riddance.
Lyra: But . . . your co-host is dead!
Max: *rezzes* She'd like that, wouldn't she?
Kate: WHAT?! You're supposed to be a ghost! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!
Max: Well I would, but I . . . borrowed Hika's Immortality Spray.
Kate: You thieving little. . . not-nice person!
Max: *smirks* No need to be jeleous, O mortal one. If you promise to be my devoted slave for oh, say, eternity, maybe I'll let you have some.
Kate: Why would I want to be immortal anyway?
Max: I seem to recall Hika spraying a certain hobbit you spend the better part of your life drooling over with Immortality Spray.
Kate: O.O GIMME! *tackles Max*
Max: No! Go steal. . . eh, get your own!
Lyra: *takes advantage of the fight and runs away, leaving her now untied ropes in a pile around her chair*
Max: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, YOU CAN HAVE THE STUPID SPRAY! STOP BITING ME!
Kate: *unclamps her teeth from Max's ear* Yay!
Max: *dumps the spray on the ground* Oops! Did I do that?
Kate: HEY! You did that on purpose! *pokes Max* And you let our hostage. . . er. . . guest escape!
Max: Was it my turn to watch her?
Kate: YES!
Max: Nutbunnies. Well folks, it seems that for now our show must come to an end.
Kate: It's kind of hard to interview someone who has run away in terror.
Max: But be sure to join us next time, when we interview Will Parry!
Lyra: *off camera* WILL?! WHERE?! LEMME SEE WILL!
Kate: Nope, you had your chance! Until next time, and send in your questions for Will! It will please the purple cheese llamas!
Max: And randomness strikes again.
Kate: Namarie ^_^
Lyra: *wails* I WANNA SEE WILL!
======
A/N: Why is Lyra saying "lemme", "wanna", and "gonna" so much? I dunno. Maybe I just like blurring words XD Send in your questions for Will!
And yes, if you couldn't tell already, I love Lord of the Rings too. . . ^_^
Live from an aluminum trash can, it's. . .
THE SHARPIE SHOW!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Max: Today we have a very special guest.
Kate: Actually, Max just likes saying "special".
Max: I do not!
Kate: He thinks it makes things sound important.
Max: Shut up. *whacks Kate with his spatula*
Kate: Oww!
Max: Please welcome Lyra Belacqua/Silvertongue!
*random people drag Lyra in*
Kate: HI LYRA! *waves*
Lyra: Lemme go! Where am I?
Kate: You're on THE SHARPIE SHOW!
Max: The show where we kidnap random His Dark Materials characters and force them to answer our questions!
Lyra: I ent answering no questions.
Kate: Good!
Lyra: *blink*
Kate: I love gramattical technicalities XD
Lyra: Where's Pantalaimon?
Max: He's not here. We're interviewing him later.
Lyra: . . .
Kate: Okay! First question is from me! What's up with your name?
Lyra: Huh?
Kate: Well, it just sounds so much like liar, that I wondered if maybe that's what it meant. You do lie a lot, after all.
Lyra: Not that I know of.
Max: *from behind the Dictionary* It says here Lyra is a northern constellation that represents the lyre of Orpheus.
Kate: So you're a musical instrument!
Lyra: No! What kind of a show is this?
Kate: A spiffy one!
Max: Our second question is from ElfinQueenMurasaki, who asks "If you had five watermelons in one pocket, and five coconuts in the other, what is the circumference of a French Corn Chip?"
Lyra: o.O What?
Kate: The answer, of course, is 77 gold duck feathers! The next question is from Some Guy who asks "Did you and Will ever have sexual contact?"
Max: Hey, I've been wondering that too.
Lyra: Even if I did, what makes you think I'd tell you? That's none of your business!
Kate: Boys. *eyeroll*
Lyra: Hmph.
Kate: *whispers to Lyra* Did you?
Lyra: I'm not saying we DIDN'T . . . *micheivous grin*
Kate: *giggles insanely*
Max: Girls. *eyeroll*
Kate: *continues to giggle*
Max: This question is . . .
Kate: *is still giggling*
Max: *singsong voice* Oh Ka-a-a-ate. . .
Kate: What?!
Max: Shut up! *whacks Kate with Chester*
Kate: Oww! Co-host abuse!
Max: That's better. Now this question comes from Hikaness. . .
Kate: HI HIKA!
Max: *glares at Kate* Hikaness asks WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY KITCHEN? Oh... wait... you're not in my kitchen! You're in my computer! *sobs* WHY ARE YOU STALKING ME?
Lyra: What?! I was never in your kitchen! I swear, I know nothing about any strawberry mousse! I wasn't involved in the pasta incident, it was like that when I got there! I'm not in your computer!
Kate: You're in mine!
Lyra: . . . I SWEAR I'M NOT STALKING ANYONE! Why do I always get blamed for everything?!
Max: Because you usually DO everything?
Lyra: Could be.
Kate: *randomly sets Lyra's skirt on fire*
Lyra: AAAUGH! *frantically rolls around to put the fire out* WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!
Kate: I wanted to see how people burn when they're separated from their daemons!
Max: No you didn't, you're just a pyromaniac.
Kate: I like fire *-*
Lyra: SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS CRAZY PLACE! *makes a break for freedom*
Max: Oh no you don't, we're not through with you! *random people grab Lyra and tie her to her chair*
Kate: Comfy?
Lyra: No.
Kate Good! Usakitten asks "just exactly how far did you go with Will?"
Lyra: *picks at the knots in the rope* Wouldn't you like to know.
Max: Yes, we would.
Kate: I wasn't finished. "We know you made-out, and bathed together. . ."
Lyra: How did you find out?!
Kate: I read the Amber Spyglass!
Max: Twice!
Kate: So answer the question.
Lyra: And what if I don't?
Kate: Then you will be subject to the talents of Max and his Spatula of Doom.
Lyra: O.o what?
Max: *maniacal grin* Heheh. . . Chester likes to torture uncooperative hostages. . . er. . . guests!
Lyra: O.O ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! *whispers something in Kate's ear that maker her turn a lovely shade of red and giggle like a schoolgirl high on Mountain Dew*
Max: HEY! What did she say?
Kate: I'll tell you when you're older. Maybe.
Max: I hate you.
Kate: ^_^ I hate you too! *hugs Max*
Max: You're an idiot.
Kate: You're a boy named Sue.
Max: *glare*
Lyra: This is worse than Bolvangar! Someone get me out of here!
Kate: Not before we ask you another question.
Max: Right. Morpherkidvb asks "When you think about Will, do you associate his name with things like 'Catnip', 'lover', and 'Wild African Buffalo'?"
Lyra: Catnip, no. Lover, yes. Wild African Buffalo, yes.
Kate: You associate Will with a Wild African Buffalo?
Lyra: . . .yes. Yes I do.
Kate: That's weird.
Max: Sounds like something YOU would say! *points at Kate and laughs*
Kate: Oh be quiet. *whacks Max with her microphone*
Max : *dies* X.X
Kate: Good riddance.
Lyra: But . . . your co-host is dead!
Max: *rezzes* She'd like that, wouldn't she?
Kate: WHAT?! You're supposed to be a ghost! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!
Max: Well I would, but I . . . borrowed Hika's Immortality Spray.
Kate: You thieving little. . . not-nice person!
Max: *smirks* No need to be jeleous, O mortal one. If you promise to be my devoted slave for oh, say, eternity, maybe I'll let you have some.
Kate: Why would I want to be immortal anyway?
Max: I seem to recall Hika spraying a certain hobbit you spend the better part of your life drooling over with Immortality Spray.
Kate: O.O GIMME! *tackles Max*
Max: No! Go steal. . . eh, get your own!
Lyra: *takes advantage of the fight and runs away, leaving her now untied ropes in a pile around her chair*
Max: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, YOU CAN HAVE THE STUPID SPRAY! STOP BITING ME!
Kate: *unclamps her teeth from Max's ear* Yay!
Max: *dumps the spray on the ground* Oops! Did I do that?
Kate: HEY! You did that on purpose! *pokes Max* And you let our hostage. . . er. . . guest escape!
Max: Was it my turn to watch her?
Kate: YES!
Max: Nutbunnies. Well folks, it seems that for now our show must come to an end.
Kate: It's kind of hard to interview someone who has run away in terror.
Max: But be sure to join us next time, when we interview Will Parry!
Lyra: *off camera* WILL?! WHERE?! LEMME SEE WILL!
Kate: Nope, you had your chance! Until next time, and send in your questions for Will! It will please the purple cheese llamas!
Max: And randomness strikes again.
Kate: Namarie ^_^
Lyra: *wails* I WANNA SEE WILL!
======
A/N: Why is Lyra saying "lemme", "wanna", and "gonna" so much? I dunno. Maybe I just like blurring words XD Send in your questions for Will!
And yes, if you couldn't tell already, I love Lord of the Rings too. . . ^_^