Chapter 3
Will what?
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Max: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Kate: Today we have a lovely show for you. Why? Because I said so! And because today's guest is WILL PARRY!
*random people drag Will out*
Will: Where am I?!
Max: You're on the Sharpie Show!
Will: The what?
Kate: The show where we kidnap random His Dark Materials characters and. . .
Max: FORCE THEM TO REVEAL THEIR MOST HIDEOUS SECRETS!
Both: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Will: O.o
Kate: Why do they always make that face after we laugh maniacally?
Max: Beats me. Okay dude, introduce yourself to everyone.
Will: But you already know who I am. . . hey, how do you know that anyway?
Kate: Nunya business! *hides copy of the Subtle Knife behind back* Answer the question.
Will: But there was no question.
Max: Just tell everyone who you are already, we're getting bored.
Kate: You wouldn't like us when we're bored.
Will: . . .I'm Will.
Max: Will what?
Will: Will Parry.
Kate: How does someone "parry"?
Will: No, that's my name.
Max: Parry?
Will: NO! For God's sake, you knew it a minute ago!
Kate: You killed God, remember?
Will: That was Lyra.
Kate: Oh yeah. Our first question comes from Morpherkidvb, who asks "Do you read the National Enquierer? Did you hear about the lespian lovers' ghosts found on the Titanic? Did you believe it? Was one of the lespian lovers someone you know?"
Will: No, I do NOT read the National Enquierer, but I think I did hear something about lesbian lover ghosts on the Titanic last week. . .
Kate: I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!
Max: So do I!
Will: Me too!
*everyone looks at Will oddly*
Will: . . . well, I did once. . .
Max: Next question! Perfectangel asks "Have you ever heard of the story Marina? Or met a girl named Marina with a twin sister named Sydney? BTW, Sydney seems to *like* you!"
Will: Marina? Wasn't that an opera or something? I DO know a boy named Sydn. . . WHAT?! HE *LIKES* ME?!
Kate: My turn! My turn! Trisweb (who has good taste, might I add ^_^) wants to know if you ever found out what Kirjava meant.
Will: No, but Serafina Pekkala named her, so I'm sure it means something. . . wait, how do YOU know about Kirjava?
Max: Nunya business! *hides copy of the Amber Spyglass behind back*
Kate: Well it's obvious, isn't it? Kirjava is some sort of exotic soup made from the spit of domestic tree wombats who live deep in the jungles of Kukamunga where the sun always shines and it snows every day at 3!
Max: . . . dare I even ask how you came to that conclusion?
Kate: No ^_^
Max: I think it means coffee.
Will: O.o
Kate: There's that face again. . .
Max: Now for the sake of getting the OTHER half of the story, we're going to ask you some of the questions we asked Lyra.
Will: LYRA?! LYRA WAS HERE?!
Kate: Uh huh! She ran away when Max and I were fighting over Immortality Spray. I liked her ^_^
Max: You set her on fire!
Kate: I like fire *-*
Will: Lyra was in this very trashcan. . . breathing this very air. . . answering these very stupid questions. . .
Kate: And she sat in that very chair you're sitting in.
Will: *glomps on the chair* I miss Lyra!
Kate: I miss her too!
Kate/Will: *wail together about how they miss Lyra*
Max: You're all idiots. *whacks Kate and Will with his Spatula of Doooom* So Will, did you and Lyra ever have sexual contact?
Will: YES uh. . . I mean. . . none of your business! *glares at Max*
Max: Your ill will increases my dark powers XD
Kate: Will is sick?
Max: Shut up and ask the question.
Kate: When you think about Lyra, do you associate her name with things like 'Catnip', 'lover', and 'Wild African Buffalo'?
Will: Catnip, no. Lover, yes. Wild African Buffalo, no.
Max: Lyra associates YOU with a Wild African Buffalo.
Will: Lyra talked about ME?!
Kate: Uh huh!
Will: *sniffle* I miss you, Lyra. . .
Kate: *hands Will a tissue* Here, you can use this. I hate to see a man who's not Frodo cry.
Will: Was that meant to be comforting?
Max: Who knows.
Will: Oh, nice spatula! *stares at Chester*
Max: *glares at Will* Listen here omelette-boy, Chester is MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! *hiss*
Will: O.o
Kate: *blink* AHAH! YOU BOTH COOK!
Max: What, it took you this long to figure that out? D'oh, I mean, uh. . . I don't cook! Chester is just for hitting people! See? *whacks Kate with his spatula*
Kate: Ouch! You made cupcakes once for that little girl when you were in first grade. Then you stuffed them down her shirt and made her cry. You were such a mean kid. *whacks Max with her microphone*
Max: Ow! I did not!
Will: There's nothing wrong with a boy knowing how to cook!
Kate: Yeah Max, you'll be the envy of all the other guys when they're living on take out and you're dining on fine gourmet cooking and I'm raiding your refrigerator for your leftovers. . .
Max: I DON'T COOK! YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY REFRIGERATOR!
Kate: LOOK! IT'S BERNIE'S BIG BOOK OF PASTRIES! *points in random direction*
Max: *eyes light up* WHERE?!
Will: O.o
*sobs* MAKE THE FACE GO AWAAAAY! T.T
Max: I hate you *glares at Kate*
Kate: Awww, I hate you too chef-boy ^_^ *hugs Max*
Max: Are we going to do this every episode?
Kate: Probably. Okay Will, this question comes from Murasaki-chan, who asks "Why is your head so big? Why IS your head so BIG!?"
Will: M-my head isn't big! My head is perfectly normal! You're all just jealous of my perfectly normal sized head! . . . do you really think my head is big?
Max: Yes.
Will: . . .
Kate: Aww, would you look at that. our time is up.
Will: WAIT! Can you two really talk to Lyra?
Max: She was just in here last episode.
Kate: So, yeah.
Will: Please let me see Lyra! I have to see her!
Kate/Max: *look at each other*
Kate: *throws her arms up in the air* SUPER EPISODE!
Max: BOOYAH!
Will: Is that a yes?
Kate: Sure. . . after about 7 more episodes or so.
Will: But I want to see Lyra now! PLEASE! I must see Lyra!
Kate: Maybe you will, some day ^_^
Max: Later, dude. *random people drag Will away*
Will: I WANNA SEE LYRA!
Max: That's all the time we have for now!
Kate: Next episode's guest is Pantalaimon!
Max: So remember to review and send in your questions for Pan, *evil grin* or else Chester will be veeeery busy. . .
*Random lighning flash*
Max: KATE! Stop playing with the light switch!
Kate: Aww phooey.
=================
A/N: Super episode! Super episode! Hopefully we'll have one of those one day ^_^ Send in questions for Pantalaimon!
Will what?
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Max: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Kate: Today we have a lovely show for you. Why? Because I said so! And because today's guest is WILL PARRY!
*random people drag Will out*
Will: Where am I?!
Max: You're on the Sharpie Show!
Will: The what?
Kate: The show where we kidnap random His Dark Materials characters and. . .
Max: FORCE THEM TO REVEAL THEIR MOST HIDEOUS SECRETS!
Both: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Will: O.o
Kate: Why do they always make that face after we laugh maniacally?
Max: Beats me. Okay dude, introduce yourself to everyone.
Will: But you already know who I am. . . hey, how do you know that anyway?
Kate: Nunya business! *hides copy of the Subtle Knife behind back* Answer the question.
Will: But there was no question.
Max: Just tell everyone who you are already, we're getting bored.
Kate: You wouldn't like us when we're bored.
Will: . . .I'm Will.
Max: Will what?
Will: Will Parry.
Kate: How does someone "parry"?
Will: No, that's my name.
Max: Parry?
Will: NO! For God's sake, you knew it a minute ago!
Kate: You killed God, remember?
Will: That was Lyra.
Kate: Oh yeah. Our first question comes from Morpherkidvb, who asks "Do you read the National Enquierer? Did you hear about the lespian lovers' ghosts found on the Titanic? Did you believe it? Was one of the lespian lovers someone you know?"
Will: No, I do NOT read the National Enquierer, but I think I did hear something about lesbian lover ghosts on the Titanic last week. . .
Kate: I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!
Max: So do I!
Will: Me too!
*everyone looks at Will oddly*
Will: . . . well, I did once. . .
Max: Next question! Perfectangel asks "Have you ever heard of the story Marina? Or met a girl named Marina with a twin sister named Sydney? BTW, Sydney seems to *like* you!"
Will: Marina? Wasn't that an opera or something? I DO know a boy named Sydn. . . WHAT?! HE *LIKES* ME?!
Kate: My turn! My turn! Trisweb (who has good taste, might I add ^_^) wants to know if you ever found out what Kirjava meant.
Will: No, but Serafina Pekkala named her, so I'm sure it means something. . . wait, how do YOU know about Kirjava?
Max: Nunya business! *hides copy of the Amber Spyglass behind back*
Kate: Well it's obvious, isn't it? Kirjava is some sort of exotic soup made from the spit of domestic tree wombats who live deep in the jungles of Kukamunga where the sun always shines and it snows every day at 3!
Max: . . . dare I even ask how you came to that conclusion?
Kate: No ^_^
Max: I think it means coffee.
Will: O.o
Kate: There's that face again. . .
Max: Now for the sake of getting the OTHER half of the story, we're going to ask you some of the questions we asked Lyra.
Will: LYRA?! LYRA WAS HERE?!
Kate: Uh huh! She ran away when Max and I were fighting over Immortality Spray. I liked her ^_^
Max: You set her on fire!
Kate: I like fire *-*
Will: Lyra was in this very trashcan. . . breathing this very air. . . answering these very stupid questions. . .
Kate: And she sat in that very chair you're sitting in.
Will: *glomps on the chair* I miss Lyra!
Kate: I miss her too!
Kate/Will: *wail together about how they miss Lyra*
Max: You're all idiots. *whacks Kate and Will with his Spatula of Doooom* So Will, did you and Lyra ever have sexual contact?
Will: YES uh. . . I mean. . . none of your business! *glares at Max*
Max: Your ill will increases my dark powers XD
Kate: Will is sick?
Max: Shut up and ask the question.
Kate: When you think about Lyra, do you associate her name with things like 'Catnip', 'lover', and 'Wild African Buffalo'?
Will: Catnip, no. Lover, yes. Wild African Buffalo, no.
Max: Lyra associates YOU with a Wild African Buffalo.
Will: Lyra talked about ME?!
Kate: Uh huh!
Will: *sniffle* I miss you, Lyra. . .
Kate: *hands Will a tissue* Here, you can use this. I hate to see a man who's not Frodo cry.
Will: Was that meant to be comforting?
Max: Who knows.
Will: Oh, nice spatula! *stares at Chester*
Max: *glares at Will* Listen here omelette-boy, Chester is MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! *hiss*
Will: O.o
Kate: *blink* AHAH! YOU BOTH COOK!
Max: What, it took you this long to figure that out? D'oh, I mean, uh. . . I don't cook! Chester is just for hitting people! See? *whacks Kate with his spatula*
Kate: Ouch! You made cupcakes once for that little girl when you were in first grade. Then you stuffed them down her shirt and made her cry. You were such a mean kid. *whacks Max with her microphone*
Max: Ow! I did not!
Will: There's nothing wrong with a boy knowing how to cook!
Kate: Yeah Max, you'll be the envy of all the other guys when they're living on take out and you're dining on fine gourmet cooking and I'm raiding your refrigerator for your leftovers. . .
Max: I DON'T COOK! YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY REFRIGERATOR!
Kate: LOOK! IT'S BERNIE'S BIG BOOK OF PASTRIES! *points in random direction*
Max: *eyes light up* WHERE?!
Will: O.o
*sobs* MAKE THE FACE GO AWAAAAY! T.T
Max: I hate you *glares at Kate*
Kate: Awww, I hate you too chef-boy ^_^ *hugs Max*
Max: Are we going to do this every episode?
Kate: Probably. Okay Will, this question comes from Murasaki-chan, who asks "Why is your head so big? Why IS your head so BIG!?"
Will: M-my head isn't big! My head is perfectly normal! You're all just jealous of my perfectly normal sized head! . . . do you really think my head is big?
Max: Yes.
Will: . . .
Kate: Aww, would you look at that. our time is up.
Will: WAIT! Can you two really talk to Lyra?
Max: She was just in here last episode.
Kate: So, yeah.
Will: Please let me see Lyra! I have to see her!
Kate/Max: *look at each other*
Kate: *throws her arms up in the air* SUPER EPISODE!
Max: BOOYAH!
Will: Is that a yes?
Kate: Sure. . . after about 7 more episodes or so.
Will: But I want to see Lyra now! PLEASE! I must see Lyra!
Kate: Maybe you will, some day ^_^
Max: Later, dude. *random people drag Will away*
Will: I WANNA SEE LYRA!
Max: That's all the time we have for now!
Kate: Next episode's guest is Pantalaimon!
Max: So remember to review and send in your questions for Pan, *evil grin* or else Chester will be veeeery busy. . .
*Random lighning flash*
Max: KATE! Stop playing with the light switch!
Kate: Aww phooey.
=================
A/N: Super episode! Super episode! Hopefully we'll have one of those one day ^_^ Send in questions for Pantalaimon!