Chapter 5:
Kir-java-java-java!
Max: Welcome back to the Sharpie Show!
Kate: Our guest today is that mysterious daemon we know virtually nothing about, Kirjava!
*random people herd Kirjava on stage*
Kirjava: DON'T TOUCH ME!
Max: *eyeroll* Daemons. So protective of their personal space.
Kate: *staring at Kirjava* Your fur is pwetty *-* All black 'n shiney.
Kirjava: *preening* Why thank you!
Kate: *to Max* Oh by the way, before I forget to tell you, Hika is pissed because you stole her immortality spray. *smirks*
Max: Uh. . . I WAS FRAMED!
Kate: Nice try. You're busted. *laughs*
Max: uh. . .
Kirjava: Where am I?! Who are you?
Kate: Wow, it's a record! No one's ever waited that long to ask where they were ^_^ Kirjava is special!
Kirjava: How do you know my name? How can you see me?
Max: We see all kinds of things normal people don't see.
Kate: Like the pink flying hippopotomus that everyone says doesn't exist but really lives in my attic and stomps around on the roof at 2 in the morning when I'm trying to sleep! I see HIM!
Max: I thought he was purple.
Kate: No, he's definitely pink.
Max: Hmm. He looked purple when you showed him to me.
Kate: He went swimming in grape juice that day.]
Max: *nods* That explains it!
Kirjava: O.O Is this the Sharpie Show?
Max/Kate: Yes!
Kirjava: NOOOOOO! Will warned me about you!
Max: Word sure gets around fast between people and their daemons.
Kate: I want a daemon! *sob* And hobbit feet! And elf ears! And a green Sebring convertible and Elijah Wood and. . .
Max: Be quiet. First question is from AngelFade, who says "Ask Kirjava 'are you a girl?' (my brother asked that) and I ask 'Why is your fur so subtle???? WHY CAN'T I SEE IT?!?!?! I HATE YOU!!!! Here, have a gift. *hands Kirjava a gift* YOU STUPID DAEMON!!!!!"
Kirjava: O.O Well, yes, I AM female. Generally peoples daemons are their opposite sex, and my human, Will, is a boy. And I don't know why my fur is so subtle. I suppose Will and I are just a subtle person.
Kate: *giggle* That sounded funny!
Kirjava: You can't see it because people from our world don't know about daemons. And I hate you too. Thank you for the gift.
Max: Open it!
Kirjava: *opens the box* What is it?
Kate: It's a lifetime supply of IMMORTALITY SPRAY!
Kirjava: What would I want that for? I want to die and be with Pan in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Audience: Awwwwwwww!
Kate: Isn't that sweet?
Max: *gags*
Kate: *glares at Max* So Kirjava, what does your name mean anyway?
Kirjava: I have no idea.
Max: It sounds like some kind of coffee!
Kate: O.o
Kirjava: O.o
Max: Well, you know. . . Java?
Kate: *giggle* Kir-java-java-java. . . I like saying Java. . .
Max: Almost as much as you like saying "spouse"?
Kate: Yup, and "spiffy"! This next question is from Hikaness *waves* HI HIKA! who asks "If you died and became a ghost, who or what would you want to haunt?"
Kirjava: I don't think daemons CAN become ghosts, but if I did, I'd like to haunt Pan and Lyra. . .
Audience: Awwwwwwww!
Kate: I'd like to haunt Frodo!
Max: I'd like to haunt Ruta Skadi! Next question is from a_troubled_girl who wants to know "wat da hELL happened ALL dat time spent wit pan.....^.~" And don't you DARE start giggling! *mutters about stupid girls*
Kirjava: *eyes light up* Oooh, THAT time! Such fond memories. . .
Kate: Isn't that cute?
Audience: Aa. . .
Max: AND DON'T YOU START THAT AGAIN!
Kate: Next question is from Odd World who asks "Do you like Austin Powers? Does his yucky teeth make you horny? Am I crazy?"
Kirjava: Yes, I do like Austin Powers but no his yucky teeth do NOT make me horny. And yes, I do think you're crazy. YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!
Max: All hail the crazy people!
Kate: My daddy will tell you I'm crazy. . . my mommy will tell you I'm special ^_^
Kirjava: Er. . . lovely.
Kate: Morpherkidvb asks "Do you ever get bored of Will? I mean, according to 90% of the fics, he's gotten all boring and depressing. So can you just, like, leave him and find another human?
And do you ever get tired of never having a part in any fanfics (mostly mine?)?"
Kirjava: Well I can't really leave Will because technically he and I are the same being. So no matter how boring and depressed he gets, I'm stuck with him for life.
Max: That's depressing.
Kirjava: And yes, I do get tired of never being written about . . . *sniff* I feel so . . . so. . . UNIMPORTANT! *sobs*
Kate: Awww, there there! *hands Kirjava a cookie* I think you're important!
Kirjava: Really?
Max: No, she's just saying that to get you to stop wailing.
Kate: I am not!
Max: Well I would. Barannilwen asks "Are you in love with Pan." oh is that a dumb question...fine..
"Are you in love with Will? Jealous of Lyra." "ever have fantasies of killing Lyra so you can have Will to yourself?"
Kirjava: *sparkly eyes* Paaaan. . .
Kate: Hey look! She looks like I do whenever I'm thinking about 'Lijah! *sparkly eyes* 'Liijaaaah. . .
Max: Must. . . not. . . puke. . .
Kirjava: O.o And even if I WAS in love with Will (which I'm not, because it would be a bit strange to be in love with myself), I couldn't kill Lyra without killing Pan, who I love. . .
Max: Give me a few seconds to control my gag reflex, please.
Kate: *whacks Max with her microphone* MinnowBrookSkittles asks "Have you, at any time or in any place, ever jumped off a waterfall and fallen on one of my other personalities? Because some weird, subtle cat did and she didn't like it. No I didn't. Oh, and please ask her: Is a person that has a daemon of the same sex gay/lesbian? Or just weird? (Sorry if this is offensive or crude....I just always wanted to know.) And, since I am a maniacal tripolar plagiarist, Can you pleeeease ask Kirjava whether or not I have a raccoon for a daemon? Because I'm convinced I do."
Kirjava: I did fall off a waterfall once and onto someone. . . they didn't seem to like it very much either. And I've never met a person with a daemon of the same sex, so I wouldn't know. Maybe they are just weird. And. . . if you believe your daemon is a raccoon, I guess it is. . .
Kate: I want a daemon!
Max: Yes, we know.
Kate: Well that's all the time (and questions) we have right now.
Max: Our next guests are Lord Asriel and Stelmaria, who we are interviewing together because Stelmaria is a bit character.
Kate: And she can't be separated from Lord Asriel like Pan and Lyra and Will and Kirjava can.
Kirjava: I suppose it would be out of line to ask if I could see Pan?
Max: Yes it would.
Kate: Wait until the SUPER EPISODE.
*random people herd Kirjava out of the room*
Kate: See? No yelling ^_^
Max: Thank Dust.
Kate: Thank the Urple Cheese Llamas.
=============
A/N: That was fun! ^_^ I like Kirjava! She spiffay! Send in questions for Lord Asriel and Stelmaria. I'm trying to get the main characters on the show in more-or-less an in order of appearance type thing. Except in the case of Will and Kirjava. Anyway, next we get to bug Lord Asriel! ^_^
Kir-java-java-java!
Max: Welcome back to the Sharpie Show!
Kate: Our guest today is that mysterious daemon we know virtually nothing about, Kirjava!
*random people herd Kirjava on stage*
Kirjava: DON'T TOUCH ME!
Max: *eyeroll* Daemons. So protective of their personal space.
Kate: *staring at Kirjava* Your fur is pwetty *-* All black 'n shiney.
Kirjava: *preening* Why thank you!
Kate: *to Max* Oh by the way, before I forget to tell you, Hika is pissed because you stole her immortality spray. *smirks*
Max: Uh. . . I WAS FRAMED!
Kate: Nice try. You're busted. *laughs*
Max: uh. . .
Kirjava: Where am I?! Who are you?
Kate: Wow, it's a record! No one's ever waited that long to ask where they were ^_^ Kirjava is special!
Kirjava: How do you know my name? How can you see me?
Max: We see all kinds of things normal people don't see.
Kate: Like the pink flying hippopotomus that everyone says doesn't exist but really lives in my attic and stomps around on the roof at 2 in the morning when I'm trying to sleep! I see HIM!
Max: I thought he was purple.
Kate: No, he's definitely pink.
Max: Hmm. He looked purple when you showed him to me.
Kate: He went swimming in grape juice that day.]
Max: *nods* That explains it!
Kirjava: O.O Is this the Sharpie Show?
Max/Kate: Yes!
Kirjava: NOOOOOO! Will warned me about you!
Max: Word sure gets around fast between people and their daemons.
Kate: I want a daemon! *sob* And hobbit feet! And elf ears! And a green Sebring convertible and Elijah Wood and. . .
Max: Be quiet. First question is from AngelFade, who says "Ask Kirjava 'are you a girl?' (my brother asked that) and I ask 'Why is your fur so subtle???? WHY CAN'T I SEE IT?!?!?! I HATE YOU!!!! Here, have a gift. *hands Kirjava a gift* YOU STUPID DAEMON!!!!!"
Kirjava: O.O Well, yes, I AM female. Generally peoples daemons are their opposite sex, and my human, Will, is a boy. And I don't know why my fur is so subtle. I suppose Will and I are just a subtle person.
Kate: *giggle* That sounded funny!
Kirjava: You can't see it because people from our world don't know about daemons. And I hate you too. Thank you for the gift.
Max: Open it!
Kirjava: *opens the box* What is it?
Kate: It's a lifetime supply of IMMORTALITY SPRAY!
Kirjava: What would I want that for? I want to die and be with Pan in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Audience: Awwwwwwww!
Kate: Isn't that sweet?
Max: *gags*
Kate: *glares at Max* So Kirjava, what does your name mean anyway?
Kirjava: I have no idea.
Max: It sounds like some kind of coffee!
Kate: O.o
Kirjava: O.o
Max: Well, you know. . . Java?
Kate: *giggle* Kir-java-java-java. . . I like saying Java. . .
Max: Almost as much as you like saying "spouse"?
Kate: Yup, and "spiffy"! This next question is from Hikaness *waves* HI HIKA! who asks "If you died and became a ghost, who or what would you want to haunt?"
Kirjava: I don't think daemons CAN become ghosts, but if I did, I'd like to haunt Pan and Lyra. . .
Audience: Awwwwwwww!
Kate: I'd like to haunt Frodo!
Max: I'd like to haunt Ruta Skadi! Next question is from a_troubled_girl who wants to know "wat da hELL happened ALL dat time spent wit pan.....^.~" And don't you DARE start giggling! *mutters about stupid girls*
Kirjava: *eyes light up* Oooh, THAT time! Such fond memories. . .
Kate: Isn't that cute?
Audience: Aa. . .
Max: AND DON'T YOU START THAT AGAIN!
Kate: Next question is from Odd World who asks "Do you like Austin Powers? Does his yucky teeth make you horny? Am I crazy?"
Kirjava: Yes, I do like Austin Powers but no his yucky teeth do NOT make me horny. And yes, I do think you're crazy. YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!
Max: All hail the crazy people!
Kate: My daddy will tell you I'm crazy. . . my mommy will tell you I'm special ^_^
Kirjava: Er. . . lovely.
Kate: Morpherkidvb asks "Do you ever get bored of Will? I mean, according to 90% of the fics, he's gotten all boring and depressing. So can you just, like, leave him and find another human?
And do you ever get tired of never having a part in any fanfics (mostly mine?)?"
Kirjava: Well I can't really leave Will because technically he and I are the same being. So no matter how boring and depressed he gets, I'm stuck with him for life.
Max: That's depressing.
Kirjava: And yes, I do get tired of never being written about . . . *sniff* I feel so . . . so. . . UNIMPORTANT! *sobs*
Kate: Awww, there there! *hands Kirjava a cookie* I think you're important!
Kirjava: Really?
Max: No, she's just saying that to get you to stop wailing.
Kate: I am not!
Max: Well I would. Barannilwen asks "Are you in love with Pan." oh is that a dumb question...fine..
"Are you in love with Will? Jealous of Lyra." "ever have fantasies of killing Lyra so you can have Will to yourself?"
Kirjava: *sparkly eyes* Paaaan. . .
Kate: Hey look! She looks like I do whenever I'm thinking about 'Lijah! *sparkly eyes* 'Liijaaaah. . .
Max: Must. . . not. . . puke. . .
Kirjava: O.o And even if I WAS in love with Will (which I'm not, because it would be a bit strange to be in love with myself), I couldn't kill Lyra without killing Pan, who I love. . .
Max: Give me a few seconds to control my gag reflex, please.
Kate: *whacks Max with her microphone* MinnowBrookSkittles asks "Have you, at any time or in any place, ever jumped off a waterfall and fallen on one of my other personalities? Because some weird, subtle cat did and she didn't like it. No I didn't. Oh, and please ask her: Is a person that has a daemon of the same sex gay/lesbian? Or just weird? (Sorry if this is offensive or crude....I just always wanted to know.) And, since I am a maniacal tripolar plagiarist, Can you pleeeease ask Kirjava whether or not I have a raccoon for a daemon? Because I'm convinced I do."
Kirjava: I did fall off a waterfall once and onto someone. . . they didn't seem to like it very much either. And I've never met a person with a daemon of the same sex, so I wouldn't know. Maybe they are just weird. And. . . if you believe your daemon is a raccoon, I guess it is. . .
Kate: I want a daemon!
Max: Yes, we know.
Kate: Well that's all the time (and questions) we have right now.
Max: Our next guests are Lord Asriel and Stelmaria, who we are interviewing together because Stelmaria is a bit character.
Kate: And she can't be separated from Lord Asriel like Pan and Lyra and Will and Kirjava can.
Kirjava: I suppose it would be out of line to ask if I could see Pan?
Max: Yes it would.
Kate: Wait until the SUPER EPISODE.
*random people herd Kirjava out of the room*
Kate: See? No yelling ^_^
Max: Thank Dust.
Kate: Thank the Urple Cheese Llamas.
=============
A/N: That was fun! ^_^ I like Kirjava! She spiffay! Send in questions for Lord Asriel and Stelmaria. I'm trying to get the main characters on the show in more-or-less an in order of appearance type thing. Except in the case of Will and Kirjava. Anyway, next we get to bug Lord Asriel! ^_^