Chapter 6
Lord Asriel and the Pink Hippopotamuses of DOOMIENESS!!!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Max: Today is a very special episode.
Kate: Because we have a guest host today! Say hello to the pink flying hippopotamus who lives in my attic! *points to an empty chair*
Max: Hello Mr. Hippo! So what did YOU do today?
Empty chair: . . .
Kate: WOW! You do fun stuff, Mr. Hippo!
Max: Fascinating! Now please welcome our guests for the day, Lord Asriel and Stelmaria!
*Lord Asriel and Stelmaria materialize in another empty chair*
Lord Asriel: AAAAAA. . . what? I'm not falling! I'm ALIVE! Stelmaria?! What are you doing here?
Stelmaria: That's what I'd like to know . . . we're supposed to be dead!
Lord Asriel: I'm supposed to be falling with Marisa and Metatron. . . what is this place?
Kate: HIYAA!
Lord Asriel: *jumps* Where am I? Who are YOU?
Max: You're on the Sharpie Show! You've been. . .
Both: *in wierd mad-scientist type voices* TEMPORARILY RE-ANIMATED!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: *blink*
Lord Asriel: Dare I ask why?
Kate: So that we can ask you a bunch of questions! I'm Kate.
Max: And I'm Max. And this is our guest host, the pink flying hippopotamus! *points at empty chair*
Empty Chair: . . .
Max: You're so right, Mr. Hippo!
Lord Asriel: But there's nothing there!
Kate: What are you talking about? He's right in front of you! He's doing a tap dance on his chair!
Max: It's a very strong chair.
Empty Chair: . . .
Kate: Awww, now you've hurt his feelings!
Max: Say you're sorry!
Lord Asriel: I will NOT say I am sorry to an empty chair merely for the amusement of idiot children! Do you have any idea who I am?
Max: Yes, we do. You're a dead guy who, if not for us, would still be falling, daemonless, down an endless chasm with a bad angel and an evil (yet sexy) lady.
Lord Asriel: . . . point taken. Sorry Mr. Hippo. *mutters* stupid kids. . .
Kate: Mr. Hippo likes you ^_^ our first question is from Krazy Kitty, who is our most loyal fan! Hooraay!
Max: KK has good taste.
Kate: Krazy Kitty asks Stelmaria "what does a snow leopard look like? you are a snow leopard, right? if not, what _do_ you look like?"
Stelmaria: Well isn't it obvious? I look like a leopard, but lighter colored so as to blend into the snow.
Kate: You're almost as pretty as Kirjava ^_^
Max: You're almost as pretty as Ruta Skadi *drool*.
Stelmaria: Thank you. . . I think.
Kate: KK also requests that we kill Lord Asriel.
Lord Asriel: WHAT?!
Kate: Then she requests that we bring you back to life.
Lord Asriel: *relieved sigh*
Kate: And through it all, she requests that we do not kill Stelmaria.
Lord Asriel: Impossible! No daemon can survive when their human is dead, and no human can be brought back to life.
Kate: We brought YOU back to life, didn't we?
Lord Asriel: . . .oh. Yes, you did.
Max: Besides, ANYTHING can happen on the Sharpie Show. And I have just the stuff for the job. *rummages around behind chair and comes up with a spray bottle*
Kate: IMMORTALITY SPRAY!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: IMMORTALITY SPRAY?!
Max: Not quite! This is special EXTENDED MORTALITY SPRAY! It's like IMMORTALITY SPRAY. . . only less.
Lord Asriel: Er. . . could I perhaps see some of that IMMORTALITY SPRAY?
Kate: Oh no you don't!
Max: We know EXACTLY what you'll do with it!
Kate: And you're STILL supposed to be dead.
Lord Asriel: *mutters dark things*
Max: *sprays Lord Asriel and Stelmaria with EXTENDED MORTALITY SPRAY* Makes for one good rezz. *whacks Lord Asriel with his spatula*
Lord Asriel: *dies. . . again*
Stelmaria: *blink*
Max: Cool! It actually worked!
Lord Asriel: *rezzes* AAUGH! @_@
Kate: Fun, isn't it?
Lord Asriel: no.
Max: Morpherkidvb asks Lord Asriel "Are you related to Severus Snape of Harry Potter?"
Lord Asriel: Who of what?
Kate: HARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTER! ^_^
Stelmaria: . . . what?
Kate: Morpherkidvb asks Stelmaria "your name means something about stars, so I'll ask you- what is the meaning of life if you are a chicken with huge pimples on his butt?"
Stelmaria: That's an easy one! The meaning of life is to DESTROY THE AUTHORITY!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kate: OOH! Good evil laugh!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: Thank you, Thank you! *bow*
Empty Chair: . . .
Kate: Mr. Hippo makes a valid point! What's your answer? *looks at Lord Asriel*
Lord Asriel: O.o there's no one. . .
Max/Kate: *growl and stick their spatula/microphone in Lord Asriel's face*
Lord Asriel: O.O Uh. . . the answer is. . . three hundred and seventy five?
Kate: I never would have thought that!
Max: What an interesting answer! Lily asks Lord Asriel "Are you related to Lord
Voldemort?"
Lord Asriel: AAAAUGH! DON'T SAY THE NAME!
Kate: *blink* You know who he is?
Lord Asriel: No, but the name creeps me out. *shiver*
Max: O.o oookaay. . .
Kate: Lily asks Stelmaria "Didja eva love somebody so much it makes you cry?"
Max: And your little fling with . . . whatever that gold monkey's name was doesn't count!
Stelmaria: Hah! I'm too high and mighty to love someone that much!
Kate: You and your human over there sacrificed yourself for Lyra.
Stelmaria: . . . oh.
Empty Chair: . . .
Kate: Yes, you're right Mr. Hippo! Love IS the most important thing in the world! ^_^
Max: *turns around and pukes behind his chair*
Kate: ¬.¬
Hika: *randomly pops up* Hee hee! You look like 'Keru! *randomly dissapears*
Everyone: O.O
Max: That was random.
Kate: So are the urple cheese llamas ^_^
Max: Not anymore they're not.
Kate: What about the snazzy fish in color changing toe socks?
Max: Those are still random.
Kate: Good ^_^
Lord Asriel: Excuse me!
Max: WHADDAYA WANT?!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: O.o we wanted to know if we could go now. . .
Kate: Oh, why would you want to do that?
Lord Asriel: Perhaps because you terrify me?
Kate: That works.
Max: Don't you wanna stick around for our next guest?
Lord Asriel: Depends on who it is.
Kate: *giggle* Whoitis wears diapers?
*crickets chirp*
Max: . . . that was just stupid.
Kate: SUE!
Max: AAAUGH! *whacks Kate with his Spatula*
Kate: *dies*
Max: Hmph. Now as I was saying. . .
Lord Asriel: O.O but. . . but. . . that girl is DEAD!
Stelmaria: YES!
Kate: *rezzes* You'd all just love that, wouldn't you?
Max: ACK!
Kate: *raspberries Max* You're not the only one with Immortality Spray. And *I* didn't have to steal mine!
Max: -.- May I announce our next guest NOW please?
Kate: Yes. Mr. Hippo wants to know too.
Max: Our next guest is Marisa Coulter and her daemon. . . whatever it's name is. . .
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: AAAAUGH! *run away in horror and vaporize once they leave the trash can*
Max/Kate: *blink*
Empty Chair: . . . .
Kate: Yes, Mr. Hippo. They ARE strange.
=======
A/N Wow O.o that didn't take very long. . . I'm gonna hafta start setting up dates to put up new chapters of the Show. . . Oh well ^_^ Next episode we question Mrs. Coulter!
Lord Asriel and the Pink Hippopotamuses of DOOMIENESS!!!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Max: Today is a very special episode.
Kate: Because we have a guest host today! Say hello to the pink flying hippopotamus who lives in my attic! *points to an empty chair*
Max: Hello Mr. Hippo! So what did YOU do today?
Empty chair: . . .
Kate: WOW! You do fun stuff, Mr. Hippo!
Max: Fascinating! Now please welcome our guests for the day, Lord Asriel and Stelmaria!
*Lord Asriel and Stelmaria materialize in another empty chair*
Lord Asriel: AAAAAA. . . what? I'm not falling! I'm ALIVE! Stelmaria?! What are you doing here?
Stelmaria: That's what I'd like to know . . . we're supposed to be dead!
Lord Asriel: I'm supposed to be falling with Marisa and Metatron. . . what is this place?
Kate: HIYAA!
Lord Asriel: *jumps* Where am I? Who are YOU?
Max: You're on the Sharpie Show! You've been. . .
Both: *in wierd mad-scientist type voices* TEMPORARILY RE-ANIMATED!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: *blink*
Lord Asriel: Dare I ask why?
Kate: So that we can ask you a bunch of questions! I'm Kate.
Max: And I'm Max. And this is our guest host, the pink flying hippopotamus! *points at empty chair*
Empty Chair: . . .
Max: You're so right, Mr. Hippo!
Lord Asriel: But there's nothing there!
Kate: What are you talking about? He's right in front of you! He's doing a tap dance on his chair!
Max: It's a very strong chair.
Empty Chair: . . .
Kate: Awww, now you've hurt his feelings!
Max: Say you're sorry!
Lord Asriel: I will NOT say I am sorry to an empty chair merely for the amusement of idiot children! Do you have any idea who I am?
Max: Yes, we do. You're a dead guy who, if not for us, would still be falling, daemonless, down an endless chasm with a bad angel and an evil (yet sexy) lady.
Lord Asriel: . . . point taken. Sorry Mr. Hippo. *mutters* stupid kids. . .
Kate: Mr. Hippo likes you ^_^ our first question is from Krazy Kitty, who is our most loyal fan! Hooraay!
Max: KK has good taste.
Kate: Krazy Kitty asks Stelmaria "what does a snow leopard look like? you are a snow leopard, right? if not, what _do_ you look like?"
Stelmaria: Well isn't it obvious? I look like a leopard, but lighter colored so as to blend into the snow.
Kate: You're almost as pretty as Kirjava ^_^
Max: You're almost as pretty as Ruta Skadi *drool*.
Stelmaria: Thank you. . . I think.
Kate: KK also requests that we kill Lord Asriel.
Lord Asriel: WHAT?!
Kate: Then she requests that we bring you back to life.
Lord Asriel: *relieved sigh*
Kate: And through it all, she requests that we do not kill Stelmaria.
Lord Asriel: Impossible! No daemon can survive when their human is dead, and no human can be brought back to life.
Kate: We brought YOU back to life, didn't we?
Lord Asriel: . . .oh. Yes, you did.
Max: Besides, ANYTHING can happen on the Sharpie Show. And I have just the stuff for the job. *rummages around behind chair and comes up with a spray bottle*
Kate: IMMORTALITY SPRAY!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: IMMORTALITY SPRAY?!
Max: Not quite! This is special EXTENDED MORTALITY SPRAY! It's like IMMORTALITY SPRAY. . . only less.
Lord Asriel: Er. . . could I perhaps see some of that IMMORTALITY SPRAY?
Kate: Oh no you don't!
Max: We know EXACTLY what you'll do with it!
Kate: And you're STILL supposed to be dead.
Lord Asriel: *mutters dark things*
Max: *sprays Lord Asriel and Stelmaria with EXTENDED MORTALITY SPRAY* Makes for one good rezz. *whacks Lord Asriel with his spatula*
Lord Asriel: *dies. . . again*
Stelmaria: *blink*
Max: Cool! It actually worked!
Lord Asriel: *rezzes* AAUGH! @_@
Kate: Fun, isn't it?
Lord Asriel: no.
Max: Morpherkidvb asks Lord Asriel "Are you related to Severus Snape of Harry Potter?"
Lord Asriel: Who of what?
Kate: HARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTER! ^_^
Stelmaria: . . . what?
Kate: Morpherkidvb asks Stelmaria "your name means something about stars, so I'll ask you- what is the meaning of life if you are a chicken with huge pimples on his butt?"
Stelmaria: That's an easy one! The meaning of life is to DESTROY THE AUTHORITY!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kate: OOH! Good evil laugh!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: Thank you, Thank you! *bow*
Empty Chair: . . .
Kate: Mr. Hippo makes a valid point! What's your answer? *looks at Lord Asriel*
Lord Asriel: O.o there's no one. . .
Max/Kate: *growl and stick their spatula/microphone in Lord Asriel's face*
Lord Asriel: O.O Uh. . . the answer is. . . three hundred and seventy five?
Kate: I never would have thought that!
Max: What an interesting answer! Lily asks Lord Asriel "Are you related to Lord
Voldemort?"
Lord Asriel: AAAAUGH! DON'T SAY THE NAME!
Kate: *blink* You know who he is?
Lord Asriel: No, but the name creeps me out. *shiver*
Max: O.o oookaay. . .
Kate: Lily asks Stelmaria "Didja eva love somebody so much it makes you cry?"
Max: And your little fling with . . . whatever that gold monkey's name was doesn't count!
Stelmaria: Hah! I'm too high and mighty to love someone that much!
Kate: You and your human over there sacrificed yourself for Lyra.
Stelmaria: . . . oh.
Empty Chair: . . .
Kate: Yes, you're right Mr. Hippo! Love IS the most important thing in the world! ^_^
Max: *turns around and pukes behind his chair*
Kate: ¬.¬
Hika: *randomly pops up* Hee hee! You look like 'Keru! *randomly dissapears*
Everyone: O.O
Max: That was random.
Kate: So are the urple cheese llamas ^_^
Max: Not anymore they're not.
Kate: What about the snazzy fish in color changing toe socks?
Max: Those are still random.
Kate: Good ^_^
Lord Asriel: Excuse me!
Max: WHADDAYA WANT?!
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: O.o we wanted to know if we could go now. . .
Kate: Oh, why would you want to do that?
Lord Asriel: Perhaps because you terrify me?
Kate: That works.
Max: Don't you wanna stick around for our next guest?
Lord Asriel: Depends on who it is.
Kate: *giggle* Whoitis wears diapers?
*crickets chirp*
Max: . . . that was just stupid.
Kate: SUE!
Max: AAAUGH! *whacks Kate with his Spatula*
Kate: *dies*
Max: Hmph. Now as I was saying. . .
Lord Asriel: O.O but. . . but. . . that girl is DEAD!
Stelmaria: YES!
Kate: *rezzes* You'd all just love that, wouldn't you?
Max: ACK!
Kate: *raspberries Max* You're not the only one with Immortality Spray. And *I* didn't have to steal mine!
Max: -.- May I announce our next guest NOW please?
Kate: Yes. Mr. Hippo wants to know too.
Max: Our next guest is Marisa Coulter and her daemon. . . whatever it's name is. . .
Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: AAAAUGH! *run away in horror and vaporize once they leave the trash can*
Max/Kate: *blink*
Empty Chair: . . . .
Kate: Yes, Mr. Hippo. They ARE strange.
=======
A/N Wow O.o that didn't take very long. . . I'm gonna hafta start setting up dates to put up new chapters of the Show. . . Oh well ^_^ Next episode we question Mrs. Coulter!