Chapter 8
Balloon Man!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Max: Today we have a special guest and. . . um. . . Kate, why are you wearing chaps and a ten gallon hat?
Kate: ^_^ It's in honor of todays guests, Texan natives Lee Scoresby and Hester!
Max: You look stupid.
Kate: Ah, what do you know, fig leaf boy.
Max: *twitch*
*Lee and Hester materialize*
Lee: *blink* What am I doing here?
Kate: BALLOON MAN! BALLOON MAN! HIYA LEE!*pulls off hat and waves it at Lee*
Lee: Nice hat!
Kate: *raspberries Max* See? LEE likes my hat!
Max: -.-
Lee: Wait. . . who are you? How did we get here?
Kate: I'm Kate! And this is Max. He has no taste.
Max: -.-
Lee: Howdy, ma'am.
Kate: *giggles* He said howdy. . .
Max: And you've been TEMPORARILY RE-ANIMATED! BWAHAHAHA! XD
Lee: O.o Why?
Kate: So that we can ask you questions! This is. . .
Kate/Max: THE SHARPIE SHOW!
Max: The show where we kidnap and/or temporarily re-animate His Dark Materials characters and force them to answer our questions!
Lee: . . . does that hurt?
Max: *evil grin* Only if you're uncooperative. . . *fingers his spatula*
Kate: *whacks Max with her microphone* Quit going evil on us and ask Lee a question.
Max: Ow! Lizz asks. . .
Kate: *waves* HI LIZZ! ^_^
Max: Why am I always getting interrupted?! WHY!?
Kate: Shut up and ask the question.
Max: *glare* Lizz asks Lee "how many moos could a moo cow moo if a moo cow could moo moos?"
Lee: The answer is 34!
Kate: Wow!
Max: I never would have guessed it!
Kate: Morpherkidvb asks Lee "Do you think it was unfair that Max had to ask all the 'Thurston(?!?)' questions? Are you going to start a defense league like ITIUTMHTAATTQ? I think it's unfair that Max had to ask all the Thurston questions? Well I don't! I think he got what he deserved, running around in fig leaves, scaring small children... "
Max: AAAAAUGH! *falls off his chair*
Lee: Who is Thurston? And who had fig leaves?
Kate: *giggles* Max once ran around my neighborhood on Halloween wearing nothing but a skirt of fig leaves after he ate all his candy and a bunch of Mountain Dew! Lizz gave me pictures! XD
Max: *glare* I will have my revenge!
Kate: I'm sure you will, fig-leaf boy.
Max: Morpherkidvb asks Hester "Are you going to join ITIUTMHTAATTQ as well?"
Hester: I might, if I knew who Thurston was.
Kate: No you wounldn't! Thurston pulls the limbs off of small animals for sadistic pleasure!
Hester: O.o
Kate: A_troubled_girl asks Lee "didn't u feel betrayed when Grumman left u alone so dat u could fight da army by yourself n den u died? *dat waz SO sad!*"
Lee: Well, I did kinda tell him to go. . . but YES! *sniffle*
Kate: Awww! *gives Lee a cookie*
Lee: Yum! *eats cookie*
Max: Skyechan asks. . . O.o Uh. . . Kate, YOU ask this question.
Kate: No way, it's YOUR turn! ^_^
Max: . . . Skyechan asks Lee "*_* Lee... *glomps Lee* Didja know you're my favorite character? XD What's it like to die? I was saaaaaaaaaaaaad when you died cause you're so cool. *_* Do like cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese? I like cheeeeeeeeeeeeese! *continues to hang off Lee*"
Kate: Hee hee! I like you too! I was sad when you died! I was getting acupuncture when I read it. . .actually I was lying on the table all full of needles and I made my mom read to me, and she read that part and you died and I was all sad, but I was full of needles and acupuncture makes you all relaxed and stuff so I couldn't cry. . .
Max: O.o yeah, we really needed to know that. . .
Kate: Max doesn't like needles.
Lee: Uh. . . I'm mighty flattered that you like me that much. And it's not very much fun to die. It hurt a lot.
Max: Gee, you think? I thought getting shot multiple times was pleasent! *sarcasm meter explodes*
Kate: Cheese is guuuuud ^_^
Lee: Yes it is!
Max: O.o
Kate/Lee: Well, it is!
Kate: AngelFade asks Lee "HIYA!!!!! Mr. Scoresby, are you from TEXAS??? "
Lee: Yes. Yes I am.
Kate: I LIKE TEXAS!! ^_^
Max: You've never even BEEN to Texas.
Kate: So? I still like it!
Max: AngelFade asks Hester "I like bunnies. ^_^ My friend raises bunnies! Will you marry one of her bunnies?"
Kate: Bunnies. . . hee hee hee. . .
Hester: . . . No thank you, I'd rather not marry a rabbit. I am a daemon, and a hare at that.
Kate: *giggle* Bunnies. . . Jehane Wizardborn asks Lee "Did you ever at any time consume an excess amount of tequila and become intoxicated and black out while buying a lifetime supply of chocolate pudding and wake up in bed between two unknowns with a splitting headache and then realize that your nether regions were covered in tabasco sauce? And if so... would you do it again?"
Lee: Well I have consumed tequila. . . I've never bought a lifetime supply of chocolate pudding. . .
Max: WHY NOT?!
Lee: O.o . . .and I have woken up with a splitting headache, but never with my. . . nether regions covered in tabasco sauce.
Kate: That sounds painful.
Lee: But if that did happen. . . YOU BET I'D DO IT AGAIN!
Kate: O.O
Max: WOOHOO! XD
Hester: . . .
Max: Jehane Wizardborn asks Hester "What is the average air velocity of a sparrow carrying a coconut? And when you hear that question is the first image that pops into your head closest to a llama in neon orange boxer shorts, three sumo wrestlers having a pie-eating contest, or Lord Asriel dressing in drag and dancing the flemenco with Jennifer Lopez?"
Hester: 17 miles per hour.
Kate: really!?
Hester: No, I just like the number 17.
Kate: Nine is better.
Hester: And no I do not think of llamas, sumo wrestlers eating pie, or a cross dressing Lord Asriel.
Kate: *giggle* llamas. . .
Max: What DO you think of, then?
Hester: A creepy old man with long white hair and long, shiny nails and a glass ball.
Kate: SARUMAN OF THE GIRLY HANDS! AAAAAAAAUGH! *falls off her chair*
Max: This is a His Dark Materials 'fic! No Lord of the Rings references! *whacks Kate*
Kate: Aww, you never let me have any fun! Fisbait aks Lee "Do you think your spiffy? Why do you hate killing people."
Lee: I suppose I do think I'm spiffy. . . if that's a good thing. . .
Kate: It is!
Lee: But killing people isn't fun. . . those people have families and people who they love to go home too, and who am I to kill them and take that all away?
Max: Oh gag me. tigress247 asks "ask Lee WHY, WHY in the name of the Authority did he have to die! *bursts into tears* it was sooo sad!"
Kate: Yes, it was! *sobs*
Lee: I had to die so that Grumman could get to Lyra! Otherwise she would have been in deep trouble and gotten hurt.
Kate: tigress247 also asks "How can you be here if Iorek ate you? hmm?give hester a hug for me!"
Lee: *hugs Hester* Well I. . . he WHAT?! O.O
Max: Sure! That was a cool scene! After he found out you were dead, he ATE you!
Lee: O.o
Kate: Well. . . he only did it because it would be such a waste to just let you rot or let some other animal eat you. ..
Lee: Oh, I feel so comforted.
Max: Well whaddaya know. That's all the time we have.
Kate: Awww, but I don't want Lee to go! I like him!
Max: By now we usually don't have much of a choice.
Lee: I could stay a bit longer. . .
Max: O.o you mean you're not terrified out of your mind? You're not ready to run out of the trashcan, screaming in sheer terror?
Lee: Why would I do that?
Kate: SQUEEE! LEE LIKES US! ^_^
Max: OH NO! WE'RE LOOSING OUR TOUCH! AAAAAAAUGH! *runs around in circles*
Kate: *watches Max and gets dizzy* Uh. . . wanna go get some tabasco sauce and chocolate pudding?
Lee: Sure.
==========
A/N: Uh. . . I'm gonna hafta start up a specific schedule to put up chapters. . . I don't like deadlines, so. . . no less than three days between each chapter or something. . . yeah. . . I LIKE LEE! ^_^
Anyways, our next guest is Serafina Pekkala and Kaisa. WITCHYNESS! YAAAAAAY! 50th reviewer gets a cameo in the Super Episode. . . YAAAAY!
And yes, I really have had acupuncture XD and it's not as painful as it sounds. And it's really kinda relaxing once all the needles are in. . . picture it! ME! Relaxed! *twilight zone music plays*
Balloon Man!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Max: Today we have a special guest and. . . um. . . Kate, why are you wearing chaps and a ten gallon hat?
Kate: ^_^ It's in honor of todays guests, Texan natives Lee Scoresby and Hester!
Max: You look stupid.
Kate: Ah, what do you know, fig leaf boy.
Max: *twitch*
*Lee and Hester materialize*
Lee: *blink* What am I doing here?
Kate: BALLOON MAN! BALLOON MAN! HIYA LEE!*pulls off hat and waves it at Lee*
Lee: Nice hat!
Kate: *raspberries Max* See? LEE likes my hat!
Max: -.-
Lee: Wait. . . who are you? How did we get here?
Kate: I'm Kate! And this is Max. He has no taste.
Max: -.-
Lee: Howdy, ma'am.
Kate: *giggles* He said howdy. . .
Max: And you've been TEMPORARILY RE-ANIMATED! BWAHAHAHA! XD
Lee: O.o Why?
Kate: So that we can ask you questions! This is. . .
Kate/Max: THE SHARPIE SHOW!
Max: The show where we kidnap and/or temporarily re-animate His Dark Materials characters and force them to answer our questions!
Lee: . . . does that hurt?
Max: *evil grin* Only if you're uncooperative. . . *fingers his spatula*
Kate: *whacks Max with her microphone* Quit going evil on us and ask Lee a question.
Max: Ow! Lizz asks. . .
Kate: *waves* HI LIZZ! ^_^
Max: Why am I always getting interrupted?! WHY!?
Kate: Shut up and ask the question.
Max: *glare* Lizz asks Lee "how many moos could a moo cow moo if a moo cow could moo moos?"
Lee: The answer is 34!
Kate: Wow!
Max: I never would have guessed it!
Kate: Morpherkidvb asks Lee "Do you think it was unfair that Max had to ask all the 'Thurston(?!?)' questions? Are you going to start a defense league like ITIUTMHTAATTQ? I think it's unfair that Max had to ask all the Thurston questions? Well I don't! I think he got what he deserved, running around in fig leaves, scaring small children... "
Max: AAAAAUGH! *falls off his chair*
Lee: Who is Thurston? And who had fig leaves?
Kate: *giggles* Max once ran around my neighborhood on Halloween wearing nothing but a skirt of fig leaves after he ate all his candy and a bunch of Mountain Dew! Lizz gave me pictures! XD
Max: *glare* I will have my revenge!
Kate: I'm sure you will, fig-leaf boy.
Max: Morpherkidvb asks Hester "Are you going to join ITIUTMHTAATTQ as well?"
Hester: I might, if I knew who Thurston was.
Kate: No you wounldn't! Thurston pulls the limbs off of small animals for sadistic pleasure!
Hester: O.o
Kate: A_troubled_girl asks Lee "didn't u feel betrayed when Grumman left u alone so dat u could fight da army by yourself n den u died? *dat waz SO sad!*"
Lee: Well, I did kinda tell him to go. . . but YES! *sniffle*
Kate: Awww! *gives Lee a cookie*
Lee: Yum! *eats cookie*
Max: Skyechan asks. . . O.o Uh. . . Kate, YOU ask this question.
Kate: No way, it's YOUR turn! ^_^
Max: . . . Skyechan asks Lee "*_* Lee... *glomps Lee* Didja know you're my favorite character? XD What's it like to die? I was saaaaaaaaaaaaad when you died cause you're so cool. *_* Do like cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese? I like cheeeeeeeeeeeeese! *continues to hang off Lee*"
Kate: Hee hee! I like you too! I was sad when you died! I was getting acupuncture when I read it. . .actually I was lying on the table all full of needles and I made my mom read to me, and she read that part and you died and I was all sad, but I was full of needles and acupuncture makes you all relaxed and stuff so I couldn't cry. . .
Max: O.o yeah, we really needed to know that. . .
Kate: Max doesn't like needles.
Lee: Uh. . . I'm mighty flattered that you like me that much. And it's not very much fun to die. It hurt a lot.
Max: Gee, you think? I thought getting shot multiple times was pleasent! *sarcasm meter explodes*
Kate: Cheese is guuuuud ^_^
Lee: Yes it is!
Max: O.o
Kate/Lee: Well, it is!
Kate: AngelFade asks Lee "HIYA!!!!! Mr. Scoresby, are you from TEXAS??? "
Lee: Yes. Yes I am.
Kate: I LIKE TEXAS!! ^_^
Max: You've never even BEEN to Texas.
Kate: So? I still like it!
Max: AngelFade asks Hester "I like bunnies. ^_^ My friend raises bunnies! Will you marry one of her bunnies?"
Kate: Bunnies. . . hee hee hee. . .
Hester: . . . No thank you, I'd rather not marry a rabbit. I am a daemon, and a hare at that.
Kate: *giggle* Bunnies. . . Jehane Wizardborn asks Lee "Did you ever at any time consume an excess amount of tequila and become intoxicated and black out while buying a lifetime supply of chocolate pudding and wake up in bed between two unknowns with a splitting headache and then realize that your nether regions were covered in tabasco sauce? And if so... would you do it again?"
Lee: Well I have consumed tequila. . . I've never bought a lifetime supply of chocolate pudding. . .
Max: WHY NOT?!
Lee: O.o . . .and I have woken up with a splitting headache, but never with my. . . nether regions covered in tabasco sauce.
Kate: That sounds painful.
Lee: But if that did happen. . . YOU BET I'D DO IT AGAIN!
Kate: O.O
Max: WOOHOO! XD
Hester: . . .
Max: Jehane Wizardborn asks Hester "What is the average air velocity of a sparrow carrying a coconut? And when you hear that question is the first image that pops into your head closest to a llama in neon orange boxer shorts, three sumo wrestlers having a pie-eating contest, or Lord Asriel dressing in drag and dancing the flemenco with Jennifer Lopez?"
Hester: 17 miles per hour.
Kate: really!?
Hester: No, I just like the number 17.
Kate: Nine is better.
Hester: And no I do not think of llamas, sumo wrestlers eating pie, or a cross dressing Lord Asriel.
Kate: *giggle* llamas. . .
Max: What DO you think of, then?
Hester: A creepy old man with long white hair and long, shiny nails and a glass ball.
Kate: SARUMAN OF THE GIRLY HANDS! AAAAAAAAUGH! *falls off her chair*
Max: This is a His Dark Materials 'fic! No Lord of the Rings references! *whacks Kate*
Kate: Aww, you never let me have any fun! Fisbait aks Lee "Do you think your spiffy? Why do you hate killing people."
Lee: I suppose I do think I'm spiffy. . . if that's a good thing. . .
Kate: It is!
Lee: But killing people isn't fun. . . those people have families and people who they love to go home too, and who am I to kill them and take that all away?
Max: Oh gag me. tigress247 asks "ask Lee WHY, WHY in the name of the Authority did he have to die! *bursts into tears* it was sooo sad!"
Kate: Yes, it was! *sobs*
Lee: I had to die so that Grumman could get to Lyra! Otherwise she would have been in deep trouble and gotten hurt.
Kate: tigress247 also asks "How can you be here if Iorek ate you? hmm?give hester a hug for me!"
Lee: *hugs Hester* Well I. . . he WHAT?! O.O
Max: Sure! That was a cool scene! After he found out you were dead, he ATE you!
Lee: O.o
Kate: Well. . . he only did it because it would be such a waste to just let you rot or let some other animal eat you. ..
Lee: Oh, I feel so comforted.
Max: Well whaddaya know. That's all the time we have.
Kate: Awww, but I don't want Lee to go! I like him!
Max: By now we usually don't have much of a choice.
Lee: I could stay a bit longer. . .
Max: O.o you mean you're not terrified out of your mind? You're not ready to run out of the trashcan, screaming in sheer terror?
Lee: Why would I do that?
Kate: SQUEEE! LEE LIKES US! ^_^
Max: OH NO! WE'RE LOOSING OUR TOUCH! AAAAAAAUGH! *runs around in circles*
Kate: *watches Max and gets dizzy* Uh. . . wanna go get some tabasco sauce and chocolate pudding?
Lee: Sure.
==========
A/N: Uh. . . I'm gonna hafta start up a specific schedule to put up chapters. . . I don't like deadlines, so. . . no less than three days between each chapter or something. . . yeah. . . I LIKE LEE! ^_^
Anyways, our next guest is Serafina Pekkala and Kaisa. WITCHYNESS! YAAAAAAY! 50th reviewer gets a cameo in the Super Episode. . . YAAAAY!
And yes, I really have had acupuncture XD and it's not as painful as it sounds. And it's really kinda relaxing once all the needles are in. . . picture it! ME! Relaxed! *twilight zone music plays*