Chapter 9
Serafina and the Cloud Pine Obsession!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Max: Hello and welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Kate: WOOSH! *Runs around wearing a black cloak and waving a pine branch in Max's face*
Max: WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!
Kate: Nooooo! ^_^ *runs around some more* I'M A WITCH! WATCH ME FLY!
Max: You're not a witch, you're a b. . .
Kate: *slaps hand over Max's mouth* Now now! No naughty words on the Sharpie Show!
Max: *pushes hand away* No more than usual, you mean?
Kate: *whacks Max with the pine branch.*
Max: I assume you're behaving this way in honor of today's guest?
Kate: Darn right I am! Please welcome Serafina Pekkala and Kaisa!
*random people drag Serafina in and herd Kaisa after her*
Serafina: Where are we?
Kate: *waves her pine branch at Serafina* HI!!!
Serafina: O.o who are you?
Kate: I'm Kate!
Max: I'm Max! You're probably both wondering why we've brought you here.
Serafina/Kaisa: Yes, actually, we are.
Kate: Well, this is the Sharpie Show.
Max: The show where we kidnap random His Dark Materials characters and. . .
Both: FORCE THEM TO ANSWER OUR QUESTIONS!
Kate: YIPPEEE! *waves pine branch all over*
Max: Your stick is shedding.
Kate: It's not a stick! It's cloud pine and I'm gonna fly on it! *whacks Max*
Max: ow! Yeah, I'd like to see you try!
Kate: Fine then!
Serafina: Er. . . child, that's not cloud. . .
Kate: *jumps off the stage and onto the pine branch and. . . falls to the ground with a thud*
Max: *peers over the edge of the stage* Hmm. . . I'm not sure your neck is supposed to twist that way.
Serafina: Oh no! *starts to get off the stage*
Max: Don't bother. She's only dead.
Serafina: Only dead?! She needs help!
Kate: *rezzes* HELLO!
Serafina: O.O
Kate: Immortality Spray! See, I'm fine!
Max: No, she was right the first time. You DO need help.
Kate: HEY! *throws pine branch at Max*
Max: HAHA, I HAVE YOUR STUPID STICK!
Kate: *blink* GIVE IT BACK!
Max: Make me!
Kate: Make me make you!
Max: Make me make you make me!
Kate: Make me make you make me make you!
Max: Make me. .
Serafina: STOP!
Both: *blink*
Serafina: As I seem to have no choice but to answer your questions, I would appreciate if you would get to answering them. Hopefully this will not take much time.
Max: Why do you care? You've got an extended life span. You've got all the time in the world.
Kate: And we've got Immortality Spray, so we do too!
Serafina: . . . Kaisa, I suddenly have a feeling of impending doom.
Kaisa: Yes, I do too.
Kate: I feel . . . deprived. . . MAX TOOK MY CLOUD PINE!
Max: It's not cloud pine, it's a stupid STICK!
Serafina: *sighs and hands Kate a random piece of cloud pine* Please, do get on with it. . .
Kate: SQUEEE! I'VE GOT CLOUD PINE!
Max: -.- just what we need. It's not enough that we have an idiot, noooo, now we have to have a FLYING idiot.
Kate: You're just jeleous because I have cloud pine and you don't. *raspberries Max* A_troubled_girl asks Serafina "Did you like Lee...u know, like him like him? ^.~"
Serafina: Lee was a fine man, and I did have feelings for him.
Kate: *wails* LEE SHOULDN'T HAVE DIED!
Max: But if Lee didn't die, what would Iorek eat?
Serafina: He WHAT?!
Max: a_troubled_girl also asks "And couldn't u have brought him back to life with some of your spells?"
Serafina: It would have been nice to do so, but there are no spells to bring someone back from the dead.
Kate: But death is dead! YAAAY! ^_^ Manda Falcon asks Serafina "Do you have an invisible Freind named Bob whom has florecent pink hair with marroon polka dots and always wears a plaid green and bright pink shirt with a plaid marroon and yellow pants?"
Serafina: *blink* How'd you know that. . . I mean. . . No! Of course not!
Max: *snickers*
Kate: I have an imaginary friend! His name is. . . MAX!
Max: -.- Manda Falcon asks Kaisa "Do you have an imagninary pet zebra named Frednandaman who wears purple shoes and a pink bow tie whenever his hair is died, his hiar is never white and black but blue and purple and green and pink and yellow and every colour not in the rainbow, who enjoys walking in the rain, singing in the rain, dancing in the rain, talking in the rain, everything else in the rian, and learning how to polka? Do you? Huh? Huh? huh?"
Kaisa: No.
Kate: Are you sure?
Kaisa: Yes.
Max: You mean you don't polka?
Kaisa: No.
Kate: NOOOOOOOOOO!!
Max: IT CANNOT BE!
Both: *curl up into balls and rock back and forth* Polka polka polka. . .
Serafina/Kaisa: O.o
Kate: *Recovers* Dragonsayer says "i want to ask her how come her spell to heal will didn't work? and what kirjava (which is actually pronounced kEEr-yava)'s name means?"
Serafina: Unfortunately, sometimes spells simply don't work. It's unfortunate, but sometimes things just don't go the way we want.
Max: *snorts* Did we ASK for a moral?
Kate: DON'T BE RUDE TO THE WITCH LADY! *whacks Max*
Serafina: Thank you.
Kate: Anytime.
Serafina: Kirjava means . . . you really want to know?
Max/Kate: YES!
Serafina: well. . . Kirjava is an exotic soup made from the spit of domestic tree wombats who live deep in the jungles of Kukamunga where the sun always shines and it snows every day at 3.
Kate: NEHAHAHA! I WAS RIGHT! I KNEW IT!
Max: O.o
Serafina: O.o
Max: Uiruru Debunsonu says "Ask her if she was stranded on a desert island and was surrounded by people shouting, froin laven, over and over again, and suddenly it started to rain, would she beat herself over the head with an umbrella until she died."
Serafina: Given the conditions. . . yes.
Kate: Hee hee hee. . .*beats Max with an umbrella*
Max: AAAAUGH! *falls off his chair*
Kate: fisbait asks "Have you ever fallen off your broomstick? Do you think your spiffy?"
Serafina: I don't ride a broomstick, but if you mean my cloud pine. . .
Max: . . .
Kate: . . .
Both: WELL?
Serafina: . . . yes. I have.
Both: NEHAHA! We knew you couldn't be THAT perfect!
Serafina: what does "spiffy" mean?
Kate: EVERY THING GOOD! XD I THINK YOU'RE SPIFFY!
Max: *covers ears*
Serafina: er. . . thank you.
Max: EmeraldMoon15 asks "Have you ever jumped off a cliff? If so, was it fun? "
Serafina: I've only jumped off a cliff with my cloud pine.
Kate: I've jumped off a cliff! See? *jumps off a cliff* NEHAHAHAH! *dies*
Serafina: O.o
Kate: *Rezzes* duh-duh_DUUUUH asks "Dude! Don't you get bored with 1000 years of life and no posessions?!"
Serafina: What do I need posessions for? I can FLY! *grins*
Kate: I WISH I COULD FLY! *wails*
Max: Oh shut up and play with your cloud pine.
Kate: ^_^ Cloud pine, cloud pine. . . I shall call it Bartholomew. . .
Max: HDM Fanatic asks Serafina "Did you know that a pickle can jump across the Grand Canyon if you tell it that you are a newspaper that can run at speeds of 5 miles per hour?"
Serafina: I don't blame it. Running newspapers are scary.
Kate: FEAR THE NEWSPAPERS! HDM Fanatic asks Kaisa "Do you ever wish that you could return your beak in exchange for a dark red convertible minivan that has built-in toothpaste that squirts out of the cigarette lighter whenever you say the phrase 'burnt waffles in a tin can'?"
Kaisa: I suppose I would if I could drive.
Max: DUDE! I WANT A CONVERTABLE MINI-VAN WITH A TOOTHPASTE DISPENSER!
Kate: Why toothpaste?
Max: I liiiiike toothpaste. . . . XD Driji asks "What's flying like? May I take flying lessons?"
Serafina: Flying is a wonderful feeling. It's absolutly fantastic to sit on your spray of pine cloud, far above everything. . .
Kate: I WISH I COULD FLY!
Serafina: And you may take flying lessons. If you're a witch.
Kate: I wanna be a witch. . .
Max: That won't be hard, considering you're already a b. . .
Kate: *whacks Max* SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
Max: @_@ *twitch* I see flying rabid weasels. . .
Kate: Narn asks "What are your feelings on Chicken Pot Pie?" AAAAAAUGH! POT PIE!
Max: Mmmm!
Serafina: Pot pie is delicious!
Kate: NOT THE POT! NOOOOOOO!
Max: Well I'm sorry to say our time is up.
Kate: noooo!
Serafina/Kaisa: YES!
Max: *blink* Hey, Serafina. . . you know Ruta Skadi, don't you?
Serafina: . . . why. . .
Max: DO YOU?! *foams at the mouth*
Kate: *whacks Max* NO PESTERING THE GUESTS! *sigh* I guess you can go now. . .
Serafina/Kaisa: YAY!
Max: Don't get too happy. After all, you're coming back for the SUPER EPISODE!
Serafina/Kaisa: NOOO!
====
A/N: SUPER EPISODE! SUPER EPISODE! YEEEEEEHAAAAH! *jumps up and down and squeals*
I must thank all my fans who send in loverly questions ^_^ YOU MAKE THE SHARPIE SHOW GO!
Serafina and the Cloud Pine Obsession!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Max: Hello and welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Kate: WOOSH! *Runs around wearing a black cloak and waving a pine branch in Max's face*
Max: WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!
Kate: Nooooo! ^_^ *runs around some more* I'M A WITCH! WATCH ME FLY!
Max: You're not a witch, you're a b. . .
Kate: *slaps hand over Max's mouth* Now now! No naughty words on the Sharpie Show!
Max: *pushes hand away* No more than usual, you mean?
Kate: *whacks Max with the pine branch.*
Max: I assume you're behaving this way in honor of today's guest?
Kate: Darn right I am! Please welcome Serafina Pekkala and Kaisa!
*random people drag Serafina in and herd Kaisa after her*
Serafina: Where are we?
Kate: *waves her pine branch at Serafina* HI!!!
Serafina: O.o who are you?
Kate: I'm Kate!
Max: I'm Max! You're probably both wondering why we've brought you here.
Serafina/Kaisa: Yes, actually, we are.
Kate: Well, this is the Sharpie Show.
Max: The show where we kidnap random His Dark Materials characters and. . .
Both: FORCE THEM TO ANSWER OUR QUESTIONS!
Kate: YIPPEEE! *waves pine branch all over*
Max: Your stick is shedding.
Kate: It's not a stick! It's cloud pine and I'm gonna fly on it! *whacks Max*
Max: ow! Yeah, I'd like to see you try!
Kate: Fine then!
Serafina: Er. . . child, that's not cloud. . .
Kate: *jumps off the stage and onto the pine branch and. . . falls to the ground with a thud*
Max: *peers over the edge of the stage* Hmm. . . I'm not sure your neck is supposed to twist that way.
Serafina: Oh no! *starts to get off the stage*
Max: Don't bother. She's only dead.
Serafina: Only dead?! She needs help!
Kate: *rezzes* HELLO!
Serafina: O.O
Kate: Immortality Spray! See, I'm fine!
Max: No, she was right the first time. You DO need help.
Kate: HEY! *throws pine branch at Max*
Max: HAHA, I HAVE YOUR STUPID STICK!
Kate: *blink* GIVE IT BACK!
Max: Make me!
Kate: Make me make you!
Max: Make me make you make me!
Kate: Make me make you make me make you!
Max: Make me. .
Serafina: STOP!
Both: *blink*
Serafina: As I seem to have no choice but to answer your questions, I would appreciate if you would get to answering them. Hopefully this will not take much time.
Max: Why do you care? You've got an extended life span. You've got all the time in the world.
Kate: And we've got Immortality Spray, so we do too!
Serafina: . . . Kaisa, I suddenly have a feeling of impending doom.
Kaisa: Yes, I do too.
Kate: I feel . . . deprived. . . MAX TOOK MY CLOUD PINE!
Max: It's not cloud pine, it's a stupid STICK!
Serafina: *sighs and hands Kate a random piece of cloud pine* Please, do get on with it. . .
Kate: SQUEEE! I'VE GOT CLOUD PINE!
Max: -.- just what we need. It's not enough that we have an idiot, noooo, now we have to have a FLYING idiot.
Kate: You're just jeleous because I have cloud pine and you don't. *raspberries Max* A_troubled_girl asks Serafina "Did you like Lee...u know, like him like him? ^.~"
Serafina: Lee was a fine man, and I did have feelings for him.
Kate: *wails* LEE SHOULDN'T HAVE DIED!
Max: But if Lee didn't die, what would Iorek eat?
Serafina: He WHAT?!
Max: a_troubled_girl also asks "And couldn't u have brought him back to life with some of your spells?"
Serafina: It would have been nice to do so, but there are no spells to bring someone back from the dead.
Kate: But death is dead! YAAAY! ^_^ Manda Falcon asks Serafina "Do you have an invisible Freind named Bob whom has florecent pink hair with marroon polka dots and always wears a plaid green and bright pink shirt with a plaid marroon and yellow pants?"
Serafina: *blink* How'd you know that. . . I mean. . . No! Of course not!
Max: *snickers*
Kate: I have an imaginary friend! His name is. . . MAX!
Max: -.- Manda Falcon asks Kaisa "Do you have an imagninary pet zebra named Frednandaman who wears purple shoes and a pink bow tie whenever his hair is died, his hiar is never white and black but blue and purple and green and pink and yellow and every colour not in the rainbow, who enjoys walking in the rain, singing in the rain, dancing in the rain, talking in the rain, everything else in the rian, and learning how to polka? Do you? Huh? Huh? huh?"
Kaisa: No.
Kate: Are you sure?
Kaisa: Yes.
Max: You mean you don't polka?
Kaisa: No.
Kate: NOOOOOOOOOO!!
Max: IT CANNOT BE!
Both: *curl up into balls and rock back and forth* Polka polka polka. . .
Serafina/Kaisa: O.o
Kate: *Recovers* Dragonsayer says "i want to ask her how come her spell to heal will didn't work? and what kirjava (which is actually pronounced kEEr-yava)'s name means?"
Serafina: Unfortunately, sometimes spells simply don't work. It's unfortunate, but sometimes things just don't go the way we want.
Max: *snorts* Did we ASK for a moral?
Kate: DON'T BE RUDE TO THE WITCH LADY! *whacks Max*
Serafina: Thank you.
Kate: Anytime.
Serafina: Kirjava means . . . you really want to know?
Max/Kate: YES!
Serafina: well. . . Kirjava is an exotic soup made from the spit of domestic tree wombats who live deep in the jungles of Kukamunga where the sun always shines and it snows every day at 3.
Kate: NEHAHAHA! I WAS RIGHT! I KNEW IT!
Max: O.o
Serafina: O.o
Max: Uiruru Debunsonu says "Ask her if she was stranded on a desert island and was surrounded by people shouting, froin laven, over and over again, and suddenly it started to rain, would she beat herself over the head with an umbrella until she died."
Serafina: Given the conditions. . . yes.
Kate: Hee hee hee. . .*beats Max with an umbrella*
Max: AAAAUGH! *falls off his chair*
Kate: fisbait asks "Have you ever fallen off your broomstick? Do you think your spiffy?"
Serafina: I don't ride a broomstick, but if you mean my cloud pine. . .
Max: . . .
Kate: . . .
Both: WELL?
Serafina: . . . yes. I have.
Both: NEHAHA! We knew you couldn't be THAT perfect!
Serafina: what does "spiffy" mean?
Kate: EVERY THING GOOD! XD I THINK YOU'RE SPIFFY!
Max: *covers ears*
Serafina: er. . . thank you.
Max: EmeraldMoon15 asks "Have you ever jumped off a cliff? If so, was it fun? "
Serafina: I've only jumped off a cliff with my cloud pine.
Kate: I've jumped off a cliff! See? *jumps off a cliff* NEHAHAHAH! *dies*
Serafina: O.o
Kate: *Rezzes* duh-duh_DUUUUH asks "Dude! Don't you get bored with 1000 years of life and no posessions?!"
Serafina: What do I need posessions for? I can FLY! *grins*
Kate: I WISH I COULD FLY! *wails*
Max: Oh shut up and play with your cloud pine.
Kate: ^_^ Cloud pine, cloud pine. . . I shall call it Bartholomew. . .
Max: HDM Fanatic asks Serafina "Did you know that a pickle can jump across the Grand Canyon if you tell it that you are a newspaper that can run at speeds of 5 miles per hour?"
Serafina: I don't blame it. Running newspapers are scary.
Kate: FEAR THE NEWSPAPERS! HDM Fanatic asks Kaisa "Do you ever wish that you could return your beak in exchange for a dark red convertible minivan that has built-in toothpaste that squirts out of the cigarette lighter whenever you say the phrase 'burnt waffles in a tin can'?"
Kaisa: I suppose I would if I could drive.
Max: DUDE! I WANT A CONVERTABLE MINI-VAN WITH A TOOTHPASTE DISPENSER!
Kate: Why toothpaste?
Max: I liiiiike toothpaste. . . . XD Driji asks "What's flying like? May I take flying lessons?"
Serafina: Flying is a wonderful feeling. It's absolutly fantastic to sit on your spray of pine cloud, far above everything. . .
Kate: I WISH I COULD FLY!
Serafina: And you may take flying lessons. If you're a witch.
Kate: I wanna be a witch. . .
Max: That won't be hard, considering you're already a b. . .
Kate: *whacks Max* SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
Max: @_@ *twitch* I see flying rabid weasels. . .
Kate: Narn asks "What are your feelings on Chicken Pot Pie?" AAAAAAUGH! POT PIE!
Max: Mmmm!
Serafina: Pot pie is delicious!
Kate: NOT THE POT! NOOOOOOO!
Max: Well I'm sorry to say our time is up.
Kate: noooo!
Serafina/Kaisa: YES!
Max: *blink* Hey, Serafina. . . you know Ruta Skadi, don't you?
Serafina: . . . why. . .
Max: DO YOU?! *foams at the mouth*
Kate: *whacks Max* NO PESTERING THE GUESTS! *sigh* I guess you can go now. . .
Serafina/Kaisa: YAY!
Max: Don't get too happy. After all, you're coming back for the SUPER EPISODE!
Serafina/Kaisa: NOOO!
====
A/N: SUPER EPISODE! SUPER EPISODE! YEEEEEEHAAAAH! *jumps up and down and squeals*
I must thank all my fans who send in loverly questions ^_^ YOU MAKE THE SHARPIE SHOW GO!