Chapter 11:
Svalbard go BOOM!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Max: The show where we kidnap random HDM characters and force them to reveal their most hideous secrets!
Kate: Our guest today is uber spiffy ^_^
Max: He's none other than the King of Svalbard, Iorek Byrnison!
*random people wielding flame throwers and blow torches herd Iorek on stage*
Iorek: O.O Not here again!
Kate: YUP! Here!
Max: And this time, you're our only guest!
Kate: Don't you feel special?
Iorek: . . .
Kate: But before we start asking questions, please welcome our 100th reviewer, Morpherkidvb!
Morpherkidvb: *walks out* YES! FINALLY!
Kate: Hiya spiffy person!
Max: Yo!
Morpherkidvb: Hey! I have a question for Iorek. Can you do the fish-slapping dance?
Iorek: Why yes I can. Does anyone have a fish? *looks out in the audience*
Joey the Catfish: *from the audience* Oh hell! *runs away. . . or swims. . . or whatever it is random catfish do to get away*
Max: *blink* Did he just. . .wasn't he. . .
Kate: Didn't he get digested last episode?
Both: *shrug*
Kate: Well anyway, thanks for being on the show!
Max: And here's your prize! A lifetime supply of IMMORTALITY SPRAY!
Kate: And a cookie!
Morpherkidvb: WOO! Immortality spray! Thanks! *grabs stuff and runs off the stage*
Kate: bye!
Max: Second question is from Kat097, who asks "'i lost my teddy bear. Isn't that sad? Can I huggle you untill I find my teddy bear? Oh, and can I have some of your groovy armour?"
Iorek: If you hug me, I'll gut you like a fish.
Kate: O.O
Max: YOU GO DUDE!
Kate: You let LYRA hug you!
Iorek: That's different. Lyra is my friend.
Max: What about giving some of your armor away? If you are, you know, I'd like some. . .
Iorek: *huggles his armor protectively* NO! MY ARMOR! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! MINE! *hiss*
Max: O.o
Kate: Okay then. . . second question is from Manda Falcon who asks "Are you sure your name's not Fred? Why isn't your name Fred? Don't you think your name should be Fred? Do you have an invincible froofy pen which is really an invisible froofy pen but somebody said it wrong so its now invincible and the ink that comes out if it is also invincible but when you swing it around really really really fast an invisible freind with a name like Fred comes out of it and starts gaining a personality where they wear weird things and do other stuff people might not find normal, and if his name is Fred is that the reason why your name is not Fred?"
Iorek: One, yes I am SURE my name is not Fred. Two, my name is not Fred because it ISN'T.
Max: Good answer!
Iorek: Three, I do NOT think my name should be Fred. And four, I do not have an invisible froofy pen that an imaginary friend called Fred comes out of and does weird things, and that is NOT the reason my name is not Fred!
Kate: I'm confuuuuuused. . .@_@
Max: GOOD. tigress247 asks "Why did you eat Lee! How could you! he's your friend!"
Iorek: I was hungry, he was dead! What did you want me to do, go hunt down some fluffy bunny or a green moose?
Kate: *gasp* THAT'S RIGHT! YOU KILLED THE GREEN MOOSE! MOOSE KILLER! *foams at the mouth*
Max: Down, girl. Ask the question.
Kate: *glaring at Iorek* MinnowBrookSkittles says "I WENT TO THE ZOO AND SAW A POLAR BEAR!!! And he wouldn't talk to me, and he wasn't wearing armour! *gasp!* He had no soul! Maybe that's why he wouldn't talk to me....."
Iorek: Polar. . .bear?
Max: You without armor. EVER!
Iorek: O_O *shiver*
Kate: Lessee. . .*reading* MinnowBrookSkittles also asks . . .O.O . . .NO! YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW! FOR THE LOVE OF DUST, GIRL, RUN AWAY!
Max: What's it say?
Kate: NOT FOR YOU!
Max: LEMME SEE! *grabs question from Kate* "Max, are you single? *thinks* Wait you're not real....Are you single anyway?" *leans back in his chair and grins* Surprisingly enough, I am.
Kate: READ NO FURTHER! *tries to grab question back*
Max: Get off! "Max, are you doing anything on Friday?" Hmm. . . let me check. . . I might be able to fit you into my busy schedule. . . what do you look like?
Kate: Poor MBS. . . Poor poor MBS!
Max: *glares at Kate* Shut up! Final question. . ."Kate, do you have. . . a crush on Max?" O.O
Kate: *blinks*
Both: *scream in horror*
Kate: EW! EW! BAD MENTAL IMAGE! EW!
Max: HEY! What's wrong with me?
Kate: You're not Frodo!
Max: -.- Oh THAT'S a good reason. . .
Kate: Oh please, just give me another question. . .
Iorek: O.O
Max: *blink* What, you haven't run away yet?
Iorek: Unfortunately, no.
Kate: GOOD! Hikaness (HI HIKA!) asks "Hello. Do you have a cat? Did you name him Bob? Does he like to eat cheese? AHH! THE FLYING PENGUINS! THEY'RE REBELLING!"
Iorek: Svalbard is no place for a cat. It would get eaten.
Kate: NOOO! Poor kitty!
Iorek: And sometimes the flying penguins rebel. Then we eat them.
Kate: AAAUGH!
Max: YEAH! EAT THE PENGUINS!
Kate: *blink* How. . . did the penguins get to Svalbard?
Iorek: They flew.
Kate: Oh.
Max: HAHAHA! FLYING PENGUINS ARE COOL!
Kate: Yeah! ^_^
Iorek: They taste good. I hope they rebel again soon.
Kate: NOOOOOOO!
Max: Odd World asks "Can armored bears be purple? Can they have polka dots? Don't you think purple is an absolutely spiffy colour? What would happen if an armored bear went out for a walk but because of global warming the ice broke and the bear still had his armor on? Would he still be able to swim? Would he turn purple?"
Iorek: Once a bear tried to paint his armor purple with polka dots, but the paint washed off when he rolled in the snow. And I fell off some ice when I was wearing my armor once.
Max: Did you die?
Iorek: O.o no. . .
Kate: Did you sink?
Iorek: No.
Max: Well what did you do?
Iorek: I stood there. The water was shallow.
Max: . . . that's boring.
Kate: Did you turn purple?
Iorek: My feet did.
Kate: The-shaman-Xavier asks "Do you think I could go to Svalbard (or whatever his kingdom's name is) and take over with my kick-ass style and magic and enslave (enslaving is fun!!!) all your subjects to re-create the kingdom of heaven to pick-up where Metatron left off so I can become all powerful and -need to catch breath- Finally take over all time and space? And if not, please ignore the 240 nuclear missiles heading your way."
Iorek: I haven't seen your magic, but. . . O.O NUCLEAR MISSILES?
*very distant boom*
Max: SVALBARD GO BOOM! XD
Kate: Uh. . . maybe it missed?
Iorek: AAAAUGH!
Kate: cough drop?
Iorek: Thank you.
Max: Tessie asks "iorek, are you jealous of will cuz lyra loves him better?"
Iorek: No. Will and Lyra deserve each other very much. I'm only sorry they live in separate worlds.
Kate: So am I! *sobs*
Max: *snores*
Kate: ¬.¬
Hika: *randomly pops up* Hee hee! You look like 'Keru! *randomly dissapears*
Kate: *whacks Max*
Max: Wha-huh? What I miss? 42!
Kate: Oh be quiet. Olli asks "what was the name of the bear you killed? was it bob?"
Iorek: Now that I think about it. . . yes. It was.
Kate: My daddy's name is Bob! ^_^ wait. . . YOU KILLED MY DADDY! NOOOOO!
Max: *sarcastic* Wow, and all this time I thought it was because he had cancer!
Kate: That was how one of them died. . . *sniffle* wait . . . DID YOU KILL MY STEP-DAD TOO?! O.O
Iorek: Is your step father a bear?
Kate: No. . .
Iorek: Does he live in my world?
Kate: No. . .
Iorek: Was he ever even involved in a fight with armored bears?
Kate: No. . .
Iorek: Then no.
Kate: GOOD.
Max: As much as I hate to end this, our time is up.
Kate: MOOSE KILLER GO BYE-BYE!
*random people with flamethrowers and blowtorches herd Iorek out of the trash can*
Max: I do believe that's the first time you've been eager to get rid of our guest.
Kate: Well, he ate a moose!
========
A/N: MOOSEKILLER! SPARE THE MOOSE, YOU FIEND! AAAAAUGH!
Heheh. Just because I feel like sticking him in here, Lord Boreal is our next guest! Dude with the funky tongue. . . heh. . .
Svalbard go BOOM!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show!
Max: The show where we kidnap random HDM characters and force them to reveal their most hideous secrets!
Kate: Our guest today is uber spiffy ^_^
Max: He's none other than the King of Svalbard, Iorek Byrnison!
*random people wielding flame throwers and blow torches herd Iorek on stage*
Iorek: O.O Not here again!
Kate: YUP! Here!
Max: And this time, you're our only guest!
Kate: Don't you feel special?
Iorek: . . .
Kate: But before we start asking questions, please welcome our 100th reviewer, Morpherkidvb!
Morpherkidvb: *walks out* YES! FINALLY!
Kate: Hiya spiffy person!
Max: Yo!
Morpherkidvb: Hey! I have a question for Iorek. Can you do the fish-slapping dance?
Iorek: Why yes I can. Does anyone have a fish? *looks out in the audience*
Joey the Catfish: *from the audience* Oh hell! *runs away. . . or swims. . . or whatever it is random catfish do to get away*
Max: *blink* Did he just. . .wasn't he. . .
Kate: Didn't he get digested last episode?
Both: *shrug*
Kate: Well anyway, thanks for being on the show!
Max: And here's your prize! A lifetime supply of IMMORTALITY SPRAY!
Kate: And a cookie!
Morpherkidvb: WOO! Immortality spray! Thanks! *grabs stuff and runs off the stage*
Kate: bye!
Max: Second question is from Kat097, who asks "'i lost my teddy bear. Isn't that sad? Can I huggle you untill I find my teddy bear? Oh, and can I have some of your groovy armour?"
Iorek: If you hug me, I'll gut you like a fish.
Kate: O.O
Max: YOU GO DUDE!
Kate: You let LYRA hug you!
Iorek: That's different. Lyra is my friend.
Max: What about giving some of your armor away? If you are, you know, I'd like some. . .
Iorek: *huggles his armor protectively* NO! MY ARMOR! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! MINE! *hiss*
Max: O.o
Kate: Okay then. . . second question is from Manda Falcon who asks "Are you sure your name's not Fred? Why isn't your name Fred? Don't you think your name should be Fred? Do you have an invincible froofy pen which is really an invisible froofy pen but somebody said it wrong so its now invincible and the ink that comes out if it is also invincible but when you swing it around really really really fast an invisible freind with a name like Fred comes out of it and starts gaining a personality where they wear weird things and do other stuff people might not find normal, and if his name is Fred is that the reason why your name is not Fred?"
Iorek: One, yes I am SURE my name is not Fred. Two, my name is not Fred because it ISN'T.
Max: Good answer!
Iorek: Three, I do NOT think my name should be Fred. And four, I do not have an invisible froofy pen that an imaginary friend called Fred comes out of and does weird things, and that is NOT the reason my name is not Fred!
Kate: I'm confuuuuuused. . .@_@
Max: GOOD. tigress247 asks "Why did you eat Lee! How could you! he's your friend!"
Iorek: I was hungry, he was dead! What did you want me to do, go hunt down some fluffy bunny or a green moose?
Kate: *gasp* THAT'S RIGHT! YOU KILLED THE GREEN MOOSE! MOOSE KILLER! *foams at the mouth*
Max: Down, girl. Ask the question.
Kate: *glaring at Iorek* MinnowBrookSkittles says "I WENT TO THE ZOO AND SAW A POLAR BEAR!!! And he wouldn't talk to me, and he wasn't wearing armour! *gasp!* He had no soul! Maybe that's why he wouldn't talk to me....."
Iorek: Polar. . .bear?
Max: You without armor. EVER!
Iorek: O_O *shiver*
Kate: Lessee. . .*reading* MinnowBrookSkittles also asks . . .O.O . . .NO! YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW! FOR THE LOVE OF DUST, GIRL, RUN AWAY!
Max: What's it say?
Kate: NOT FOR YOU!
Max: LEMME SEE! *grabs question from Kate* "Max, are you single? *thinks* Wait you're not real....Are you single anyway?" *leans back in his chair and grins* Surprisingly enough, I am.
Kate: READ NO FURTHER! *tries to grab question back*
Max: Get off! "Max, are you doing anything on Friday?" Hmm. . . let me check. . . I might be able to fit you into my busy schedule. . . what do you look like?
Kate: Poor MBS. . . Poor poor MBS!
Max: *glares at Kate* Shut up! Final question. . ."Kate, do you have. . . a crush on Max?" O.O
Kate: *blinks*
Both: *scream in horror*
Kate: EW! EW! BAD MENTAL IMAGE! EW!
Max: HEY! What's wrong with me?
Kate: You're not Frodo!
Max: -.- Oh THAT'S a good reason. . .
Kate: Oh please, just give me another question. . .
Iorek: O.O
Max: *blink* What, you haven't run away yet?
Iorek: Unfortunately, no.
Kate: GOOD! Hikaness (HI HIKA!) asks "Hello. Do you have a cat? Did you name him Bob? Does he like to eat cheese? AHH! THE FLYING PENGUINS! THEY'RE REBELLING!"
Iorek: Svalbard is no place for a cat. It would get eaten.
Kate: NOOO! Poor kitty!
Iorek: And sometimes the flying penguins rebel. Then we eat them.
Kate: AAAUGH!
Max: YEAH! EAT THE PENGUINS!
Kate: *blink* How. . . did the penguins get to Svalbard?
Iorek: They flew.
Kate: Oh.
Max: HAHAHA! FLYING PENGUINS ARE COOL!
Kate: Yeah! ^_^
Iorek: They taste good. I hope they rebel again soon.
Kate: NOOOOOOO!
Max: Odd World asks "Can armored bears be purple? Can they have polka dots? Don't you think purple is an absolutely spiffy colour? What would happen if an armored bear went out for a walk but because of global warming the ice broke and the bear still had his armor on? Would he still be able to swim? Would he turn purple?"
Iorek: Once a bear tried to paint his armor purple with polka dots, but the paint washed off when he rolled in the snow. And I fell off some ice when I was wearing my armor once.
Max: Did you die?
Iorek: O.o no. . .
Kate: Did you sink?
Iorek: No.
Max: Well what did you do?
Iorek: I stood there. The water was shallow.
Max: . . . that's boring.
Kate: Did you turn purple?
Iorek: My feet did.
Kate: The-shaman-Xavier asks "Do you think I could go to Svalbard (or whatever his kingdom's name is) and take over with my kick-ass style and magic and enslave (enslaving is fun!!!) all your subjects to re-create the kingdom of heaven to pick-up where Metatron left off so I can become all powerful and -need to catch breath- Finally take over all time and space? And if not, please ignore the 240 nuclear missiles heading your way."
Iorek: I haven't seen your magic, but. . . O.O NUCLEAR MISSILES?
*very distant boom*
Max: SVALBARD GO BOOM! XD
Kate: Uh. . . maybe it missed?
Iorek: AAAAUGH!
Kate: cough drop?
Iorek: Thank you.
Max: Tessie asks "iorek, are you jealous of will cuz lyra loves him better?"
Iorek: No. Will and Lyra deserve each other very much. I'm only sorry they live in separate worlds.
Kate: So am I! *sobs*
Max: *snores*
Kate: ¬.¬
Hika: *randomly pops up* Hee hee! You look like 'Keru! *randomly dissapears*
Kate: *whacks Max*
Max: Wha-huh? What I miss? 42!
Kate: Oh be quiet. Olli asks "what was the name of the bear you killed? was it bob?"
Iorek: Now that I think about it. . . yes. It was.
Kate: My daddy's name is Bob! ^_^ wait. . . YOU KILLED MY DADDY! NOOOOO!
Max: *sarcastic* Wow, and all this time I thought it was because he had cancer!
Kate: That was how one of them died. . . *sniffle* wait . . . DID YOU KILL MY STEP-DAD TOO?! O.O
Iorek: Is your step father a bear?
Kate: No. . .
Iorek: Does he live in my world?
Kate: No. . .
Iorek: Was he ever even involved in a fight with armored bears?
Kate: No. . .
Iorek: Then no.
Kate: GOOD.
Max: As much as I hate to end this, our time is up.
Kate: MOOSE KILLER GO BYE-BYE!
*random people with flamethrowers and blowtorches herd Iorek out of the trash can*
Max: I do believe that's the first time you've been eager to get rid of our guest.
Kate: Well, he ate a moose!
========
A/N: MOOSEKILLER! SPARE THE MOOSE, YOU FIEND! AAAAAUGH!
Heheh. Just because I feel like sticking him in here, Lord Boreal is our next guest! Dude with the funky tongue. . . heh. . .