Chapter 12
LET'S ALL KICK LORD BOREAL!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Max: Welcome to the Sharpie show.
*random peanut lands on Max's head*
Max: If you're wondering why I'm the only host present. . .
*another random peanut lands on Max's head*
Max: And why some invisible entity is pelting me with peanuts. . .-.-
Kate: *giggles off camera*
Max: It's because Kate learned how to use her cloud pine.
*Kate falls onto the stage and lands behind her chair*
Max: Sort of.
Kate: *sits up, covered in plaster dust* I'M GONNA DO THAT AGAIN! ^_^
Max: No you're not. The show's started.
Kate: Oh. Spiffy! *Jumps into her chair*
Max: Now then . . .
*cloud pine randomly falls on Max's head*
Kate: Hee hee hee. . .*grabs cloud pine*
Max: -.- As I was saying, todays guest is Lord Boreal and his daemon.
*random people drag Lord Boreal and his daemon on stage*
Lord Boreal: WHAT THE. . . WHERE AM I?
Kate: You're on the Sharpie Show! *Waves cloud pine*
Lord Boreal: o.O
Max: The show where we randomly kidnap His Dark Materials characters and. . .
Kate/Max: FORCE THEM TO REVEAL THEIR MOST HIDEOUS SECRETS! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Lord Boreal: heheheh. . ..
Max: *blink*
Kate: Why are you laughing?
Lord Boreal: Because that sounds fun.
Max: For us. . . yes. . .
Kate: For you . . . no. . . FIRST QUESTION! ^_^
Lord Boreal: . . .
Kate: MinnowBrookSkittles asks "How do you pronounce your last name?? Because if it's Boar-ee-al then it sounds like Borealis which is the term used to distinguish northern Auroras from southern Auroras."
Max: It also sounds like Boar! Are you a pig, dude?
Lord Boreal: Absolutely not!
Kate: YES YOU ARE!
Lord Boreal: Whatever makes you say that, young lady?
Kate: ALL MEN LIKE YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF GIRLS! YOU STOLE LYRA'S ALETHIOMETER AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MRS. COULTERS FEMININE CHARMS! Or you would have if she hand't killed you, anyway.
Lord Boreal: What did I ever do to YOU?
Kate: ANNOYED ME! I don't like you!
Max: I do! *Reads question* COOL! We got the golden highlighter award!
Kate: *gasp* REALLY? YOU MEAN IT? This. . .*sniff* Is the happiest day of my life. . .
Max: Yeah. And MBS goes on to ask ME. . .
Kate: AAAUGH! *Falls off chair*
Max: "*puppy dog eyes* For the love of Thurston why are you single?! *composes herself and whacks back of her head for the whole Thurston thing* Okay, then, um, I'm, um, five foot six and third (I think) and I have wavy-ish brown hair and green eyes and have a good build and, erm, yeah. That. *grins*" . . . are you free on Saturday?
Kate: -_- What is this, a Pencil Show knock off or a dating game?
Max: It's a dating game now.
Kate: *whacks Max* Is not! Odd World asks "Do you nickname random parts of your body 'Pink Floyd'? If not, why?"
Lord Boreal: Pink what?
Max: heheheh. . . Floyd. . . *snorts*
Kate: I named my left big toe Clementine!
Lord Boreal: Well. . . I DID name my little finger Sanford when I was a lad. . .
Max: . . . That's weird. Isn't it weird, Chester? *rubs his spatula handle*
Kate: Gwenivere thinks so too.
Max: Morpherkidvb asks "Does it bother you that to my knoledge, only Ceres Wunderkind has used you in a fanfic and that time you died?"
Lord Boreal: Actually. . . yes. . .*sniffle* Yes it does. . .
Kate: Awwww! You know, if I didn't hate you so much, I might feel sorry for you.
Max: You would?
Kate: . . . no, no I wouldn't. You're too unlikeable ^_^
Lord Boreal: -.-
Kate: Danae Lunith asks "if given the chance, woud he join the evil Violins and swifer sweepers that are trying to take over the world?"
Lord Boreal: Yes! WORLD DOMINATION! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kate: O.O
Max: WORLD DOMINATION ROCKS! YEAH!
Kate: You're a little late. Hika already took over the world.
Hika: *randomly appears and hugs the globe* HAHA! IT'S ALL MINE! *dissapears*
Lord Boreal: O.o
Max: *reads* "Violin Bashers Anonymouse?" Ooh! Senseless destruction!
Kate: Fun!
Max: The-shaman-Xavier asks "Can you tell me where the window you used to go from Lyra's world to Will's world is? I'm gonna need to get in other worlds to achieve my scheme for world domination... Oh, right, the angels closed it, right... oh well, in that case, I'll ask this: Can I buy your house in Will's world? I'm gonna need someplace from where I can control all of earth. . ."
Lord Boreal: I would sell it to you. . .if I were alive -.-
Kate: So anyone could just swoop in and take over your spiffy house and sell all your cool looking instrument things?
Lord Boreal: sadly. . . yes.
Max: Note to self. . . go to Oxford.
Kate: Indeed.
Max: The-shaman-Xavier also has a question for Kate.
Kate: Me?
Max: Yes. "When I control the world I'll need evil generals to defeat those damn magical girls (cause, y'know, magical girls like Sailor moon always show up to defeat the big bad) And you sound crazy enough to be one! So what do you say?"
Kate: *eyes get really big* Me, an evil general?
Max: You're not evil enough.
Kate: COOL! *dances around singing* I get to be an evil general! I get to be an evil general! I wanna wear one of those big hats with the poofy feathers and carry sharp, pointy objects!
Max: Aww, I wanted to carry sharp, pointy objects!
Kate: Don't you remember what happened last time I let you have a sharp, pointy object?
Max: . . . oh yeah.
Lord Boreal: I'd give you a sharp pointy object.
Kate: EWW! I don't want anything sharp or pointy from YOU!
Max: Don't bother saying anything to her. She thinks everything you say is perverse.
Kate: That's because it IS! tigress247 says "ask him if he is really a girl in drag. then kick him...or her.." *kicks Lord Boreal*
Lord Boreal: OUCH!
Kate: I've been wanting to do that for a long time ^_^
Max: Man, if you're a girl in drag you're one ugly chick. . .
Lord Boreal: I am NOT a girl in drag!
Kate: *kicks Lord Boreal again*
Lord Boreal: What was that for?!
Kate: For being a perverse advantage-taker! *kicks Lord Boreal again*
Max: Hey, save that for after the show. We still have some questions.
Kate: Aww. . . -.- I wanna kick him some more.
Lord Boreal: *glares at Kate*
Max: Manda Falcon asks "are you making a thing out of tortillas by dying them a bunch of different colours and then cutting them into a lot of shapes making them all purdy and junk and then taking them and gluing them onto plain white tortilla's with black frostin so it will look purdy and then gluing them all together with themselves with alternating colours of frosting and then taking those sugar sprinkles and sticking them in all of the frosting? Are y gonna use it for a door mat for the rest of your life?"
Kate: I want a doormat like that! *eyes Lord Boreal*
Lord Boreal: I do NOT make doormats! And even if I did, I certainly wouldn't give one to you!
Kate: Yeah, well you're un-spiffy!
Lord Boreal: . . .
Kate: San the Dragon asks "will you do the funky chiken dance for me?"
Lord Boreal: Most certainly not!
Max: AWW COME ON! DO IT DO IT DO IT!
Kate: Eww! I don't wanna see HIM do the funky chicken dance!
Max: Be quiet! DO IT!
Kate: DON'T!
Max: DO!
Kate: DON'T!
Max: Be quiet, you!
Kate: Make me.
Max: Make me make you.
Kate: Make me make you make me.
Max: Make me make you make me make you.
Kate: Make. . .
Lord Boreal: ENOUGH!
Kate/Max: O.O
Boreal: *Reluctantly does some semblance of the funky chicken dance*
Max: HAHAHA! XD
Kate: AAAAUGH! MY EYES! *dies*
Lord Boreal: . . .
Max: Sayray asks "Do you know the muffin man?"
Lord Boreal: Why yes, yes I do.
Kate: *rezzes* MUFFINS! ^_^
Lord Boreal: AAAUGH! *jumps up and runs away*
Max: HEY!
Kate: Aw man!
Max: Let him go, we're out of time anyway.
Kate: *puppy dog eyes*
Max: *sigh* Yeah, whatever. Go ahead!
Kate: *runs off stage* YIPPEE!
*dull thud and an OW! from Lord Boreal off stage*
Kate: *walks back* You know, maybe we oughta have him on the show more often. I like kicking him.
=================
A/N: I don't like Lord Boreal. . .
Anyway, our next guest is Dame Hannah.
YIPPEE, WE GOT THE GOLDEN HIGHLIGHTER AWARD! ^_^
LET'S ALL KICK LORD BOREAL!
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Max: Welcome to the Sharpie show.
*random peanut lands on Max's head*
Max: If you're wondering why I'm the only host present. . .
*another random peanut lands on Max's head*
Max: And why some invisible entity is pelting me with peanuts. . .-.-
Kate: *giggles off camera*
Max: It's because Kate learned how to use her cloud pine.
*Kate falls onto the stage and lands behind her chair*
Max: Sort of.
Kate: *sits up, covered in plaster dust* I'M GONNA DO THAT AGAIN! ^_^
Max: No you're not. The show's started.
Kate: Oh. Spiffy! *Jumps into her chair*
Max: Now then . . .
*cloud pine randomly falls on Max's head*
Kate: Hee hee hee. . .*grabs cloud pine*
Max: -.- As I was saying, todays guest is Lord Boreal and his daemon.
*random people drag Lord Boreal and his daemon on stage*
Lord Boreal: WHAT THE. . . WHERE AM I?
Kate: You're on the Sharpie Show! *Waves cloud pine*
Lord Boreal: o.O
Max: The show where we randomly kidnap His Dark Materials characters and. . .
Kate/Max: FORCE THEM TO REVEAL THEIR MOST HIDEOUS SECRETS! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Lord Boreal: heheheh. . ..
Max: *blink*
Kate: Why are you laughing?
Lord Boreal: Because that sounds fun.
Max: For us. . . yes. . .
Kate: For you . . . no. . . FIRST QUESTION! ^_^
Lord Boreal: . . .
Kate: MinnowBrookSkittles asks "How do you pronounce your last name?? Because if it's Boar-ee-al then it sounds like Borealis which is the term used to distinguish northern Auroras from southern Auroras."
Max: It also sounds like Boar! Are you a pig, dude?
Lord Boreal: Absolutely not!
Kate: YES YOU ARE!
Lord Boreal: Whatever makes you say that, young lady?
Kate: ALL MEN LIKE YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF GIRLS! YOU STOLE LYRA'S ALETHIOMETER AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MRS. COULTERS FEMININE CHARMS! Or you would have if she hand't killed you, anyway.
Lord Boreal: What did I ever do to YOU?
Kate: ANNOYED ME! I don't like you!
Max: I do! *Reads question* COOL! We got the golden highlighter award!
Kate: *gasp* REALLY? YOU MEAN IT? This. . .*sniff* Is the happiest day of my life. . .
Max: Yeah. And MBS goes on to ask ME. . .
Kate: AAAUGH! *Falls off chair*
Max: "*puppy dog eyes* For the love of Thurston why are you single?! *composes herself and whacks back of her head for the whole Thurston thing* Okay, then, um, I'm, um, five foot six and third (I think) and I have wavy-ish brown hair and green eyes and have a good build and, erm, yeah. That. *grins*" . . . are you free on Saturday?
Kate: -_- What is this, a Pencil Show knock off or a dating game?
Max: It's a dating game now.
Kate: *whacks Max* Is not! Odd World asks "Do you nickname random parts of your body 'Pink Floyd'? If not, why?"
Lord Boreal: Pink what?
Max: heheheh. . . Floyd. . . *snorts*
Kate: I named my left big toe Clementine!
Lord Boreal: Well. . . I DID name my little finger Sanford when I was a lad. . .
Max: . . . That's weird. Isn't it weird, Chester? *rubs his spatula handle*
Kate: Gwenivere thinks so too.
Max: Morpherkidvb asks "Does it bother you that to my knoledge, only Ceres Wunderkind has used you in a fanfic and that time you died?"
Lord Boreal: Actually. . . yes. . .*sniffle* Yes it does. . .
Kate: Awwww! You know, if I didn't hate you so much, I might feel sorry for you.
Max: You would?
Kate: . . . no, no I wouldn't. You're too unlikeable ^_^
Lord Boreal: -.-
Kate: Danae Lunith asks "if given the chance, woud he join the evil Violins and swifer sweepers that are trying to take over the world?"
Lord Boreal: Yes! WORLD DOMINATION! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kate: O.O
Max: WORLD DOMINATION ROCKS! YEAH!
Kate: You're a little late. Hika already took over the world.
Hika: *randomly appears and hugs the globe* HAHA! IT'S ALL MINE! *dissapears*
Lord Boreal: O.o
Max: *reads* "Violin Bashers Anonymouse?" Ooh! Senseless destruction!
Kate: Fun!
Max: The-shaman-Xavier asks "Can you tell me where the window you used to go from Lyra's world to Will's world is? I'm gonna need to get in other worlds to achieve my scheme for world domination... Oh, right, the angels closed it, right... oh well, in that case, I'll ask this: Can I buy your house in Will's world? I'm gonna need someplace from where I can control all of earth. . ."
Lord Boreal: I would sell it to you. . .if I were alive -.-
Kate: So anyone could just swoop in and take over your spiffy house and sell all your cool looking instrument things?
Lord Boreal: sadly. . . yes.
Max: Note to self. . . go to Oxford.
Kate: Indeed.
Max: The-shaman-Xavier also has a question for Kate.
Kate: Me?
Max: Yes. "When I control the world I'll need evil generals to defeat those damn magical girls (cause, y'know, magical girls like Sailor moon always show up to defeat the big bad) And you sound crazy enough to be one! So what do you say?"
Kate: *eyes get really big* Me, an evil general?
Max: You're not evil enough.
Kate: COOL! *dances around singing* I get to be an evil general! I get to be an evil general! I wanna wear one of those big hats with the poofy feathers and carry sharp, pointy objects!
Max: Aww, I wanted to carry sharp, pointy objects!
Kate: Don't you remember what happened last time I let you have a sharp, pointy object?
Max: . . . oh yeah.
Lord Boreal: I'd give you a sharp pointy object.
Kate: EWW! I don't want anything sharp or pointy from YOU!
Max: Don't bother saying anything to her. She thinks everything you say is perverse.
Kate: That's because it IS! tigress247 says "ask him if he is really a girl in drag. then kick him...or her.." *kicks Lord Boreal*
Lord Boreal: OUCH!
Kate: I've been wanting to do that for a long time ^_^
Max: Man, if you're a girl in drag you're one ugly chick. . .
Lord Boreal: I am NOT a girl in drag!
Kate: *kicks Lord Boreal again*
Lord Boreal: What was that for?!
Kate: For being a perverse advantage-taker! *kicks Lord Boreal again*
Max: Hey, save that for after the show. We still have some questions.
Kate: Aww. . . -.- I wanna kick him some more.
Lord Boreal: *glares at Kate*
Max: Manda Falcon asks "are you making a thing out of tortillas by dying them a bunch of different colours and then cutting them into a lot of shapes making them all purdy and junk and then taking them and gluing them onto plain white tortilla's with black frostin so it will look purdy and then gluing them all together with themselves with alternating colours of frosting and then taking those sugar sprinkles and sticking them in all of the frosting? Are y gonna use it for a door mat for the rest of your life?"
Kate: I want a doormat like that! *eyes Lord Boreal*
Lord Boreal: I do NOT make doormats! And even if I did, I certainly wouldn't give one to you!
Kate: Yeah, well you're un-spiffy!
Lord Boreal: . . .
Kate: San the Dragon asks "will you do the funky chiken dance for me?"
Lord Boreal: Most certainly not!
Max: AWW COME ON! DO IT DO IT DO IT!
Kate: Eww! I don't wanna see HIM do the funky chicken dance!
Max: Be quiet! DO IT!
Kate: DON'T!
Max: DO!
Kate: DON'T!
Max: Be quiet, you!
Kate: Make me.
Max: Make me make you.
Kate: Make me make you make me.
Max: Make me make you make me make you.
Kate: Make. . .
Lord Boreal: ENOUGH!
Kate/Max: O.O
Boreal: *Reluctantly does some semblance of the funky chicken dance*
Max: HAHAHA! XD
Kate: AAAAUGH! MY EYES! *dies*
Lord Boreal: . . .
Max: Sayray asks "Do you know the muffin man?"
Lord Boreal: Why yes, yes I do.
Kate: *rezzes* MUFFINS! ^_^
Lord Boreal: AAAUGH! *jumps up and runs away*
Max: HEY!
Kate: Aw man!
Max: Let him go, we're out of time anyway.
Kate: *puppy dog eyes*
Max: *sigh* Yeah, whatever. Go ahead!
Kate: *runs off stage* YIPPEE!
*dull thud and an OW! from Lord Boreal off stage*
Kate: *walks back* You know, maybe we oughta have him on the show more often. I like kicking him.
=================
A/N: I don't like Lord Boreal. . .
Anyway, our next guest is Dame Hannah.
YIPPEE, WE GOT THE GOLDEN HIGHLIGHTER AWARD! ^_^