Chapter 14:
The Rip Off of the Bad Mental Images Chapter
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
*Backstage. . .*
Max: . . . So it's true? You're not kidding?
Kate: Uh huh! There's gonna be a His Dark Materials MOVIE!
Max: WOO HOO!
Kate: And furthermore, it's being produced by New Line Cinema!
Max: The Lord of the Rings people?
Kate: Well, they produced it too. . . so YEAH!
Max: DUUDE!
Kate: There's ONE problem, though. . .
Max: What?
Kate: Well they're probably going to pick some kid who has at least semi-good looks to play Will, and you know what that means. . .
Max: O.O No.
Kate: Yes.
Both: HDM MARY-SUES! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!
Max: Just look at the state of LotR since it was made into a movie!
Kate: Maybe it won't be as bad. . . you know, LotR DID have more of a potential for eye candy than HDM does, what with all the elves and stuff. . . *gulp* I hope. . .
Max: *shudders*
Kate: O.o uh. . .
Max: What?
Kate: Dude, look who's behind you. . .
Max: *turns around to see every single HDM character they've tortured. . .eh, interviewed so far* What are you doing here? We're not gonna have another Super Episode for at least six chapters.
Lyra: We're not here for a Super Episode.
Kate: OOH! Did you come to play with us?
Will: Absolutely not!
Kate: Awww, phooey!
Max: O.o I don't think they look too happy.
Iorek: We're certainly not. *grabs Kate and Max*
Kate: AAAUGH! THE RABID POLAR BEAR IS GONNA EAT ME!
Lyra: He's not gonna eat you, he's just holding you.
Iorek: And I am NOT rabid!
Max: PUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNRIGHTNOW!
Serafina: *pulls some rope out of nowhere and ties Max and Kate's hands and feet*
Kate: What are you doing?!
*Iorek sets Kate and Max down on their chairs again. Serafina pulls out yet more rope and ties them securely to their chairs.*
Kate: *starts bouncing up and down on her rear and makes her chair fall over*
Max: Sit still, you dork.
Lee: *sets Kate's chair rightside up*
Kate: But my chair is bouncy! I LIKE TO BOUNCE! ^_^
Max: -.- We've just been captured and tied to our chairs by fictional characters and you're bouncing up and down and grinning like a moron?
Kate: Bouncy bouncy bouncy. . .
Max: My co-host is an idiot.
Kate: Oh be quiet, or I'll lock you up in Hika's basement with a random guy named Chris Podima and feed you low-quality rats and dirty water.
Max: You'll have to catch me first.
Kate: *lunges towards Max. . . and makes her chair fall over again*
Max: *evil laugh*
Serafina: QUIET! *puts Kate's chair right side up again*
Kate/Max: O_O *shut up*
Serafina: Not long ago we came in contact with some very nice people. . .
Kate: *eagerly* Were they the nice young men in the white coats?
Serafina: O.o. . . no. They. .
Max: How come YOU'RE doing all the talking?
Lord Asriel: SILENCE!
Max: O.O Works for me.
Serafina: As I was saying, we ran into some very nice people from a place called Middle-Earth. . .
Kate: MIDDLE-EARTH? WAS IT THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING? WAS FRODO THERE? DID HE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME? WAS. . .
Lord Asriel: Be quiet, or I'll sew your lips shut!
Kate: O.O Really?
Lord Asriel: No. But shut up anyway.
Kate: 'kay.
Serafina: And they told us about how they had once gotten revenge on the two who had been kidnapping THEM. . .
Max: Hika and Doodles!
Serafina: Yes. And they suggested we do the same.
Kate/Max: O.O
Kate: OH! You know what I'd REALLY REALLY hate? If you made Frodo come in here and parade around in tight leather pants and no shirt with the One Ring on a chain around his neck in front of me.
Lyra: He warned us you'd say that.
Kate: Aww man! *pouts*
Max: I sure hope they don't make Ruta Skadi come in here and strip! That would just SCAR ME for LIFE!
Will: Nice try.
Serafina: No, YOU get to watch Lord Boreal parade around in tight leather pants and no shirt with his daemon around his neck.
Kate: O.O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!
Max: HAHAHA! XD
Serafina: and YOU get to watch Dame Hannah strip!
Max: O.O NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*Lord Boreal comes outs and starts parading around in front of Kate in tight leather pants and no shirt and his serpent daemon around his neck, and Dame Hannah starts stripping in front of Max*
Kate/Max: AAAAAAAAAAAUGH! OUR POOR PSYCHES! WE'RE SCARRED FOR LIFE!
Kate: *squeezes eyes shut* Must think about Frodo! Cute little Frodo in his cute little hobbit shirt with his cute little hobbit pants and his cute little pointy ears and his cute big hobbit feet. . .*opens one eye slightly* IT'S NOT WORKING! MOMMY!
Lord Borial: Oh for the love of God, don't you find me the LEAST bit attractive?
Kate: NO! I'D RATHER WATCH YOU SHAVE GIMLI'S BUTT HAIRS!
Gimli: *randomly appears* Is that so?
Legolas: Ugh, not again. *randomly appears with a razor and shaving cream and starts to shave Gimli's butt hairs WHILE Lord Borial parades around in his leather pants*
Kate: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! *dies, rezzes, screams some more* AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN FRODO?
Max: O.O Uh. . . you know, Dame Hannah, they say those Slim Fast shakes taste pretty good. . .
Dame Hannah: *glare* You keep your mouth shut young man, I'm only doing this because everyone else promised me good money.
Max: OWW! MY EYES! @_@
Serafina: *looking at a random watch* That's enough.
Kate/Max: It is?
Lord Boreal/Dame Hannah: It is?
Serafina: yes.
Kate: THANK YOU, SWEET LADY ELBERETH! *falls over in chair once again*
Max: There IS a God! Or a Goddess. . . or an Eru. . . well there's some deity out there, anyway!
Kate: *looking up at HDM characters* I guess you think that now we're not going to kidnap any of you and torture. . .ah, I mean, interview you.
Lord Asriel: We hoped you would.
Max: FAT CHANCE! After THAT, you're all gonna get it just as bad! Maybe even WORSE!
All: *groan*
Kate: Could you untie us now?
Iorek: And what if we didn't?
Kate: Well I suppose we'd just lie here for. . .ever. . .O.O
Max: D'OH!
Mrs. Coulter: Well I suppose there's a flaw in your brilliant little plan to keep tormenting us all.
HDM characters: *walk out of the trash can and either vaporize or randomly dissapear*
Kate: *wriggles on the floor* Oh phooey. Well this sucks. And my left side's falling asleep.
Max: Stop whining, I'm trying to concentrate.
Kate: Maybe if I chewed off my own wrist. . .
Max: It wouldn't do any good, you'd bleed to death, and I'd have to get a new co-host. It's very hard to find a co-host who doesn't run away screaming or completely loose it after five minutes of hosting with me .*calmly stands up and severed ropes fall around his feet*
Kate: *gasp* YOU GOT FREE! How'd you do it?
Max: Well, the ropes were very strong, but they weren't a match for . . .*pulls out spatula* CHESTER!
Kate: YAAAAY! ^_^ Untie me now!
Max: Sure. *walks over to Kate, and then stops* Heeey. . .
Kate: Aw cummon, don't get any ideas!
Max: Too late, I already got one.
Kate: PLEEEASE untie me?
Max: Ah. . . I think I'll just leave you there for a few minutes. . . or hours. . . or months. . . *evil glint in eye*
Kate: LEMME GO OR I'LL GET MORE PICTURES OF HALLOWEEN FROM LIZZ!
Max: Ah, but how will you do that tied to a chair on the floor?
Kate: . . .
Max: Hmm. . . maybe I could do the show myself. . . *saunters out onto the stage* Yeah, that might be kinda fun. . .
Kate: I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!
=====
A/N: Will Max ever let Kate go? Are our hosts really scarred for life? Did Legolas and Gimli ever randomly dissapear? These questions and more will probably not be answered in the next episode of the Sharpie Show!
So I blatantly ripped off that one chapter of Hikas. . . I thought it would be fun to do. . . *hopes she isn't killed*
Next guest is none other than. . . RUTA SKADI! Max shall be a veeeery happy boy, yes he shall . . .
And no asking questions in FF.nets review thingy! Go HERE to ask a question: http://pub90.ezboard.com/bthesharpieshow
The Rip Off of the Bad Mental Images Chapter
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
*Backstage. . .*
Max: . . . So it's true? You're not kidding?
Kate: Uh huh! There's gonna be a His Dark Materials MOVIE!
Max: WOO HOO!
Kate: And furthermore, it's being produced by New Line Cinema!
Max: The Lord of the Rings people?
Kate: Well, they produced it too. . . so YEAH!
Max: DUUDE!
Kate: There's ONE problem, though. . .
Max: What?
Kate: Well they're probably going to pick some kid who has at least semi-good looks to play Will, and you know what that means. . .
Max: O.O No.
Kate: Yes.
Both: HDM MARY-SUES! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!
Max: Just look at the state of LotR since it was made into a movie!
Kate: Maybe it won't be as bad. . . you know, LotR DID have more of a potential for eye candy than HDM does, what with all the elves and stuff. . . *gulp* I hope. . .
Max: *shudders*
Kate: O.o uh. . .
Max: What?
Kate: Dude, look who's behind you. . .
Max: *turns around to see every single HDM character they've tortured. . .eh, interviewed so far* What are you doing here? We're not gonna have another Super Episode for at least six chapters.
Lyra: We're not here for a Super Episode.
Kate: OOH! Did you come to play with us?
Will: Absolutely not!
Kate: Awww, phooey!
Max: O.o I don't think they look too happy.
Iorek: We're certainly not. *grabs Kate and Max*
Kate: AAAUGH! THE RABID POLAR BEAR IS GONNA EAT ME!
Lyra: He's not gonna eat you, he's just holding you.
Iorek: And I am NOT rabid!
Max: PUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNRIGHTNOW!
Serafina: *pulls some rope out of nowhere and ties Max and Kate's hands and feet*
Kate: What are you doing?!
*Iorek sets Kate and Max down on their chairs again. Serafina pulls out yet more rope and ties them securely to their chairs.*
Kate: *starts bouncing up and down on her rear and makes her chair fall over*
Max: Sit still, you dork.
Lee: *sets Kate's chair rightside up*
Kate: But my chair is bouncy! I LIKE TO BOUNCE! ^_^
Max: -.- We've just been captured and tied to our chairs by fictional characters and you're bouncing up and down and grinning like a moron?
Kate: Bouncy bouncy bouncy. . .
Max: My co-host is an idiot.
Kate: Oh be quiet, or I'll lock you up in Hika's basement with a random guy named Chris Podima and feed you low-quality rats and dirty water.
Max: You'll have to catch me first.
Kate: *lunges towards Max. . . and makes her chair fall over again*
Max: *evil laugh*
Serafina: QUIET! *puts Kate's chair right side up again*
Kate/Max: O_O *shut up*
Serafina: Not long ago we came in contact with some very nice people. . .
Kate: *eagerly* Were they the nice young men in the white coats?
Serafina: O.o. . . no. They. .
Max: How come YOU'RE doing all the talking?
Lord Asriel: SILENCE!
Max: O.O Works for me.
Serafina: As I was saying, we ran into some very nice people from a place called Middle-Earth. . .
Kate: MIDDLE-EARTH? WAS IT THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING? WAS FRODO THERE? DID HE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME? WAS. . .
Lord Asriel: Be quiet, or I'll sew your lips shut!
Kate: O.O Really?
Lord Asriel: No. But shut up anyway.
Kate: 'kay.
Serafina: And they told us about how they had once gotten revenge on the two who had been kidnapping THEM. . .
Max: Hika and Doodles!
Serafina: Yes. And they suggested we do the same.
Kate/Max: O.O
Kate: OH! You know what I'd REALLY REALLY hate? If you made Frodo come in here and parade around in tight leather pants and no shirt with the One Ring on a chain around his neck in front of me.
Lyra: He warned us you'd say that.
Kate: Aww man! *pouts*
Max: I sure hope they don't make Ruta Skadi come in here and strip! That would just SCAR ME for LIFE!
Will: Nice try.
Serafina: No, YOU get to watch Lord Boreal parade around in tight leather pants and no shirt with his daemon around his neck.
Kate: O.O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!
Max: HAHAHA! XD
Serafina: and YOU get to watch Dame Hannah strip!
Max: O.O NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*Lord Boreal comes outs and starts parading around in front of Kate in tight leather pants and no shirt and his serpent daemon around his neck, and Dame Hannah starts stripping in front of Max*
Kate/Max: AAAAAAAAAAAUGH! OUR POOR PSYCHES! WE'RE SCARRED FOR LIFE!
Kate: *squeezes eyes shut* Must think about Frodo! Cute little Frodo in his cute little hobbit shirt with his cute little hobbit pants and his cute little pointy ears and his cute big hobbit feet. . .*opens one eye slightly* IT'S NOT WORKING! MOMMY!
Lord Borial: Oh for the love of God, don't you find me the LEAST bit attractive?
Kate: NO! I'D RATHER WATCH YOU SHAVE GIMLI'S BUTT HAIRS!
Gimli: *randomly appears* Is that so?
Legolas: Ugh, not again. *randomly appears with a razor and shaving cream and starts to shave Gimli's butt hairs WHILE Lord Borial parades around in his leather pants*
Kate: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! *dies, rezzes, screams some more* AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN FRODO?
Max: O.O Uh. . . you know, Dame Hannah, they say those Slim Fast shakes taste pretty good. . .
Dame Hannah: *glare* You keep your mouth shut young man, I'm only doing this because everyone else promised me good money.
Max: OWW! MY EYES! @_@
Serafina: *looking at a random watch* That's enough.
Kate/Max: It is?
Lord Boreal/Dame Hannah: It is?
Serafina: yes.
Kate: THANK YOU, SWEET LADY ELBERETH! *falls over in chair once again*
Max: There IS a God! Or a Goddess. . . or an Eru. . . well there's some deity out there, anyway!
Kate: *looking up at HDM characters* I guess you think that now we're not going to kidnap any of you and torture. . .ah, I mean, interview you.
Lord Asriel: We hoped you would.
Max: FAT CHANCE! After THAT, you're all gonna get it just as bad! Maybe even WORSE!
All: *groan*
Kate: Could you untie us now?
Iorek: And what if we didn't?
Kate: Well I suppose we'd just lie here for. . .ever. . .O.O
Max: D'OH!
Mrs. Coulter: Well I suppose there's a flaw in your brilliant little plan to keep tormenting us all.
HDM characters: *walk out of the trash can and either vaporize or randomly dissapear*
Kate: *wriggles on the floor* Oh phooey. Well this sucks. And my left side's falling asleep.
Max: Stop whining, I'm trying to concentrate.
Kate: Maybe if I chewed off my own wrist. . .
Max: It wouldn't do any good, you'd bleed to death, and I'd have to get a new co-host. It's very hard to find a co-host who doesn't run away screaming or completely loose it after five minutes of hosting with me .*calmly stands up and severed ropes fall around his feet*
Kate: *gasp* YOU GOT FREE! How'd you do it?
Max: Well, the ropes were very strong, but they weren't a match for . . .*pulls out spatula* CHESTER!
Kate: YAAAAY! ^_^ Untie me now!
Max: Sure. *walks over to Kate, and then stops* Heeey. . .
Kate: Aw cummon, don't get any ideas!
Max: Too late, I already got one.
Kate: PLEEEASE untie me?
Max: Ah. . . I think I'll just leave you there for a few minutes. . . or hours. . . or months. . . *evil glint in eye*
Kate: LEMME GO OR I'LL GET MORE PICTURES OF HALLOWEEN FROM LIZZ!
Max: Ah, but how will you do that tied to a chair on the floor?
Kate: . . .
Max: Hmm. . . maybe I could do the show myself. . . *saunters out onto the stage* Yeah, that might be kinda fun. . .
Kate: I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!
=====
A/N: Will Max ever let Kate go? Are our hosts really scarred for life? Did Legolas and Gimli ever randomly dissapear? These questions and more will probably not be answered in the next episode of the Sharpie Show!
So I blatantly ripped off that one chapter of Hikas. . . I thought it would be fun to do. . . *hopes she isn't killed*
Next guest is none other than. . . RUTA SKADI! Max shall be a veeeery happy boy, yes he shall . . .
And no asking questions in FF.nets review thingy! Go HERE to ask a question: http://pub90.ezboard.com/bthesharpieshow