Chapter 15:
Lust, Lust, and More Lust! Oh, and Ruta's there too.
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Max: Hello everybody, and welcome to the Sharpie Show! I'd like to take this moment to celebrate the return of the Sharpie Show to FF.net, as well as the fact that today's guest is a total BABE, and this time I'M doing the show without my idiot co-host!
*Kate screams from off camera*
Max: Shut up. Oh, and by the way, AySz88, you're on my "hunt down and kill in a very slow and painful fashion" list. Now please welcome today's guest, Ruta Skadi!
*Ruta Skadi randomly appears*
Ruta: o_o Where am I? You, boy! How did I get here? stands up and points at Max*
Max: O_O *drool*
Ruta: O_o Speak!
Max: *tilts his head and stares at Ruta, his mouth half open*
Ruta: O_o *looks around* What is this place?
Max: Preeeety witch lady . . .
Ruta: Oh, so you can speak? Where am I?
Max: *drooling* Aluminum trash can . . .
Ruta: -_- What?
Max: Sharpie Show . . .
Ruta: O_O WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP! looks around for the door*
Max: Kidnap HDM char . . . ask questions . . . *stare*
Kate: SNAP OUT OF IT!
Max: O_O WHAT?
Kate: *bunny hops on stage, still tied from head to foot, seething with anger* You heard me you moron! What kind of an episode of the Sharpie Show just has you sitting there like a moron and staring at Ruta Skadi?
Max: I think it sounds like a great episode!
Kate: -_- *jumps on Max's foot*
Max: OW! HEY!
Kate: UNTIE ME!
Max: NO!
Ruta: O_O Yambe Akka, come to me! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Kate: OH NO YOU DON'T! We are GOING to have an episode today, mark my words! Now UNTIE ME!
Max: No.
Kate: Yes.
Max: No.
Kate: Yes.
*Five hours later*
Max: No.
Kate: Yes.
Ruta: *snore*
Kate: -_- now look at what you did! You put our captive . . . er . . . guest to sleep!
Max: *raises his eyebrow and bends over, trying to sneak a peek up Ruta's skirt*
Kate: YOU PERVERT! Tackles him and knocks his chair over
Max: OW!
Ruta: *sits up* AUGH! I had the most horrible dream I was on the Sharpie . . . oh, wait . . . -_- darn.
Kate: *stands up* Yay! Now we can have an episode! ^_^ *ropes drop to the ground*
Max: HEY! How'd you get untied?
Kate: *holds up a random butcher's knife* Ever heard of Deus Ex Machina?
Max: -_-
Kate: *blows Max a raspberry* Me and my new knife will deal with you later. Our first question comes from Tigress247 who asks "would you rather date max or a rat?"
Ruta: Who is Max?
Kate: *points to Max*
Max: *staring at Ruta*
Ruta: . . . Definitely the rat.
Kate: Goood choice!
Max: O_O Preeety witch lady . . .
Kate: *kicks Max* Ask her the next question.
Max: Oh, right. San the Dragon asks "would you like to date Max? do you think he's hot? Would you go insane from all of Kate's mental images left over from Halloween?" *looks at Ruta hopefully*
Ruta: No, No, and . . . what? *Blink* What happened on Halloween?
Max: Oh, nothing! Nothing at all! No, not a thing, no sir-ee, I didn't do anything on Halloween, just . . .
Kate: *showing Ruta The Pictures* . . . and look at THIS one, and THIS one, and THAT one . . .
Ruta: O.O Oh . . .my . . .
Max: AAAAUGH! *yanks the pictures away from Kate and tears them up into tiny bits*
Kate: Oh, go ahead. I have lots of copies stored throughout the Trash Can ^_^
Max: WHYYY?!
Kate: So that I can watch you do that! ^_^
Max: T_T
Kate: Odd World asks "Did you have INTERCOURSE with Lord Asriel after you followed those angels to him? What kind of INTERCOURSE? Was it the kind where you sit down and talk about butterflies and pleasent things, or where you play chess, or the OTHER kind?"
Ruta: Yes.
Kate: *blink*
Max: *blink*
Ruta: *ooks pleased with herself*
Max: *growl* Lucky bastard. Lord Asriel must DIE!
Kate: He's already dead.
Max: . . . damn. THEN HE MUST DIE AGAIN!
Kate: You already killed him once.
Max: . . . shut up. Magical boy asks "Ruta, if you were a big banana sunday with a slice of peanut butter, and you'd go to new york to get an audition to act in a soap called "his dark materials", how many sheeps would farmer Joe have?"
Ruta: He wouldn't have any sheep. He would have an iguana.
Kate: *blink*
Max: *blink*
Kate: You know, I think she understands these questions a little too well.
Max: But I thought the answer was green!
Kate: I thought it was sponge.
Ruta: You're all wrong. The answer is Frisbee and a bucket of urple cheese llama wool.
Kate: O_O Okay, she understands us WAY too well!
Max: What did you do to her?
Kate: Nothing! I bet it was those stupid pictures of you. They warped her mind!
Max: YOU showed them to her!
Ruta: Will you just let me answer the rest of the questions and get this over with?
Kate: *sigh* fine . . . Jehane Wizardborn asks "Do you like rabbits?
Ruta: *thinks* yes.
Kate: Do you like cupcakes?
Max: Mmm, cupcakes! ^_^
Ruta: Yes.
Kate: Do you like rabbit-shaped cupcakes?
Ruta: . . . yes.
Kate: Does Max disturb you greatly?"
Ruta: YES.
Max: -_- How come Jehane Wizardborn got so many questions?
Kate: 'Cause I got to pick questions this time.
Max: *grumble* CiD asks "are you a flying penguin? Actually, you aren't because penguins aren't adapted to fly."
Ruta: . . .
Kate: Well?
Ruta: That question answered itself.
Max: So?
Ruta: So there's nothing for me to say.
Kate/Max: *die from all the logic*
Ruta: O_O *innocently strolls away from the dead bodies and outside the Trash Can, where she dissapears*
Kate: *Rezzes* Okay, next question is from . . . hey, where'd she go?
Max: Darnit! I didn't get a chance to ask for her phone number!
Kate: She wouldn't have given it to you.
Max: How do you know?
Kate: She doesn't have a phone.
Max: . . . -_-
-------------------
A/N: YAAAY! cavorts about with things that make a great amount of noise* FIRST NEW EPISODE OF OUR RETURN TO FF.NET! ^_^
Remember to ask questions on the Message Board! Our next guests are John Parry and his daemon.
Lust, Lust, and More Lust! Oh, and Ruta's there too.
I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
His name is Joe! Joe! Joe!
He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn!
That much I know! Know! Know!
Max: Hello everybody, and welcome to the Sharpie Show! I'd like to take this moment to celebrate the return of the Sharpie Show to FF.net, as well as the fact that today's guest is a total BABE, and this time I'M doing the show without my idiot co-host!
*Kate screams from off camera*
Max: Shut up. Oh, and by the way, AySz88, you're on my "hunt down and kill in a very slow and painful fashion" list. Now please welcome today's guest, Ruta Skadi!
*Ruta Skadi randomly appears*
Ruta: o_o Where am I? You, boy! How did I get here? stands up and points at Max*
Max: O_O *drool*
Ruta: O_o Speak!
Max: *tilts his head and stares at Ruta, his mouth half open*
Ruta: O_o *looks around* What is this place?
Max: Preeeety witch lady . . .
Ruta: Oh, so you can speak? Where am I?
Max: *drooling* Aluminum trash can . . .
Ruta: -_- What?
Max: Sharpie Show . . .
Ruta: O_O WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP! looks around for the door*
Max: Kidnap HDM char . . . ask questions . . . *stare*
Kate: SNAP OUT OF IT!
Max: O_O WHAT?
Kate: *bunny hops on stage, still tied from head to foot, seething with anger* You heard me you moron! What kind of an episode of the Sharpie Show just has you sitting there like a moron and staring at Ruta Skadi?
Max: I think it sounds like a great episode!
Kate: -_- *jumps on Max's foot*
Max: OW! HEY!
Kate: UNTIE ME!
Max: NO!
Ruta: O_O Yambe Akka, come to me! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Kate: OH NO YOU DON'T! We are GOING to have an episode today, mark my words! Now UNTIE ME!
Max: No.
Kate: Yes.
Max: No.
Kate: Yes.
*Five hours later*
Max: No.
Kate: Yes.
Ruta: *snore*
Kate: -_- now look at what you did! You put our captive . . . er . . . guest to sleep!
Max: *raises his eyebrow and bends over, trying to sneak a peek up Ruta's skirt*
Kate: YOU PERVERT! Tackles him and knocks his chair over
Max: OW!
Ruta: *sits up* AUGH! I had the most horrible dream I was on the Sharpie . . . oh, wait . . . -_- darn.
Kate: *stands up* Yay! Now we can have an episode! ^_^ *ropes drop to the ground*
Max: HEY! How'd you get untied?
Kate: *holds up a random butcher's knife* Ever heard of Deus Ex Machina?
Max: -_-
Kate: *blows Max a raspberry* Me and my new knife will deal with you later. Our first question comes from Tigress247 who asks "would you rather date max or a rat?"
Ruta: Who is Max?
Kate: *points to Max*
Max: *staring at Ruta*
Ruta: . . . Definitely the rat.
Kate: Goood choice!
Max: O_O Preeety witch lady . . .
Kate: *kicks Max* Ask her the next question.
Max: Oh, right. San the Dragon asks "would you like to date Max? do you think he's hot? Would you go insane from all of Kate's mental images left over from Halloween?" *looks at Ruta hopefully*
Ruta: No, No, and . . . what? *Blink* What happened on Halloween?
Max: Oh, nothing! Nothing at all! No, not a thing, no sir-ee, I didn't do anything on Halloween, just . . .
Kate: *showing Ruta The Pictures* . . . and look at THIS one, and THIS one, and THAT one . . .
Ruta: O.O Oh . . .my . . .
Max: AAAAUGH! *yanks the pictures away from Kate and tears them up into tiny bits*
Kate: Oh, go ahead. I have lots of copies stored throughout the Trash Can ^_^
Max: WHYYY?!
Kate: So that I can watch you do that! ^_^
Max: T_T
Kate: Odd World asks "Did you have INTERCOURSE with Lord Asriel after you followed those angels to him? What kind of INTERCOURSE? Was it the kind where you sit down and talk about butterflies and pleasent things, or where you play chess, or the OTHER kind?"
Ruta: Yes.
Kate: *blink*
Max: *blink*
Ruta: *ooks pleased with herself*
Max: *growl* Lucky bastard. Lord Asriel must DIE!
Kate: He's already dead.
Max: . . . damn. THEN HE MUST DIE AGAIN!
Kate: You already killed him once.
Max: . . . shut up. Magical boy asks "Ruta, if you were a big banana sunday with a slice of peanut butter, and you'd go to new york to get an audition to act in a soap called "his dark materials", how many sheeps would farmer Joe have?"
Ruta: He wouldn't have any sheep. He would have an iguana.
Kate: *blink*
Max: *blink*
Kate: You know, I think she understands these questions a little too well.
Max: But I thought the answer was green!
Kate: I thought it was sponge.
Ruta: You're all wrong. The answer is Frisbee and a bucket of urple cheese llama wool.
Kate: O_O Okay, she understands us WAY too well!
Max: What did you do to her?
Kate: Nothing! I bet it was those stupid pictures of you. They warped her mind!
Max: YOU showed them to her!
Ruta: Will you just let me answer the rest of the questions and get this over with?
Kate: *sigh* fine . . . Jehane Wizardborn asks "Do you like rabbits?
Ruta: *thinks* yes.
Kate: Do you like cupcakes?
Max: Mmm, cupcakes! ^_^
Ruta: Yes.
Kate: Do you like rabbit-shaped cupcakes?
Ruta: . . . yes.
Kate: Does Max disturb you greatly?"
Ruta: YES.
Max: -_- How come Jehane Wizardborn got so many questions?
Kate: 'Cause I got to pick questions this time.
Max: *grumble* CiD asks "are you a flying penguin? Actually, you aren't because penguins aren't adapted to fly."
Ruta: . . .
Kate: Well?
Ruta: That question answered itself.
Max: So?
Ruta: So there's nothing for me to say.
Kate/Max: *die from all the logic*
Ruta: O_O *innocently strolls away from the dead bodies and outside the Trash Can, where she dissapears*
Kate: *Rezzes* Okay, next question is from . . . hey, where'd she go?
Max: Darnit! I didn't get a chance to ask for her phone number!
Kate: She wouldn't have given it to you.
Max: How do you know?
Kate: She doesn't have a phone.
Max: . . . -_-
-------------------
A/N: YAAAY! cavorts about with things that make a great amount of noise* FIRST NEW EPISODE OF OUR RETURN TO FF.NET! ^_^
Remember to ask questions on the Message Board! Our next guests are John Parry and his daemon.