Author's Note: Hi, I know it's been a loooong time, and I'm sorry. I've actually had this chapter for a few months (and betaed for at least a month…) I was trying to finish chapter 7 before posting this one so it wouldn't be such a long wait between six and seven, but I have this severe case of writer's block (at least for this story) so I began a different story which will be up shortly. I hope you aren't mad that it's been ages . As always, huge thanks to Em who has been incredibly busy, but took the time to beta anyway. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed (or just read). I'm hoping that it starts to pick up around chapter seven…hopefully. Please tell me what you think of this, especially things I can improve upon!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Carter or Abby. I do own Grace, Aurora, and Atlantis, but they're a little malnourished so TPTB is considering taking those from me…

Chapter 6-A No turning back

"No school?"

" Nope."

" No work?"

" Nope."

" Can we go to the wooden park?"

Abby looked up from her cereal bowl to see Grace looking expectantly at her, even though she knew what the answer would be.

" No."

"What?" Grace sat on her knees and leaned over the table. Her small fingers pressed her mother's chin in an attempt to make the 'no' become a 'yes'.

" Of course we can!" Abby said, unable to keep up the teasing of her daughter. "I'm going to watch Aurora and her sisters today, so we can all go."

" Really?" Grace's eyes lit up. "When are they coming?"

Before Abby could answer there was a knock at the door.

" Now," she said, putting down her spoon and rising from the table to open the door.

" I'll get it!" Grace cried, jumping from her chair and running to the door before Abby knew what was happening. She threw it open and greeted her friends excitedly: "Hi hi!"

Abby quickly cleared the table, knowing that everyone would want to leave as soon as possible. As she was finishing the kids walked into the kitchen, enabling Abby to catch their conversation.

" We're gonna go to the park!" Grace was saying excitedly.

" The wooden one?" Atlantis, Aurora's sister asked.

" Yup!"

Abby watched the children talk animatedly about the park. It amazed her that as a child anything and everything would excite and amaze them; as a child she had been a miserable person trying to save her mother. As an adult, she had been a miserable woman in a miserable marriage until she got out of that and became a slightly less miserable woman trying desperately to finish med school, work to pay for it, and take care of and pay for her daughter's needs.

She was glad that she could give her daughter a childhood, and especially glad when she was able to spend time with her daughter. Today would be that kind of day.

~~~

"Mommy, can we run over there? It isn't that far away now," Grace reasoned as they neared the park. The faster they could get to their wooded haven the better!

Abby nodded. "Okay, but be careful!"

They ran as fast as they could towards the park while Abby walked leisurely behind them. Not many people were at the park that day, and she had to admit she was surprised. A day off from school would usually have seen all of the elementary kids playing at the park, but today she saw only the kids she brought with her, an elderly couple walking beside the river…and a very familiar face.

" Dr. Carter?" Abby asked uncertainly as she approached the bench where Carter was sitting.

He looked up in surprise. "I-I didn't expect to see you here…"

This was certainly the truth. The only reason he ever came to the park was to get away from his colleagues at County who either didn't have kids or whose kids were too old for the park. He saw them every other place he ever went, and had discovered that if he wanted to avoid them and their questions he should go somewhere they weren't. The park.

" Oh." She hadn't exactly expected to see him either, but what else could she say?

Abby sat down beside Carter. She knew he probably didn't want her to but the park only had one good bench. The rest had been either broken or stolen.

"Are those your kids?" Carter asked uncomfortably, breaking the awkward silence.

" No, no, no!" she explained quickly. "I'm just helping my neighbor out."

He watched her for a moment as she looked over at the kids and debated whether to say what was on his mind. She was the only one who knew or even suspected that he had had a drug problem, so he should probably tell her that he was working on getting it under control. He really should.

But it was so much easier to stall.

"A lot of kids…" he observed.

" Yeah."

" Abby, I have a confession to make." What was he doing? He didn't know, but he couldn't stop. His mouth wouldn't let him. "I did steal morphine. I was going to take it, but I didn't…"

Did he just say that? Had he lost his mind? He was telling a med student something he had vowed never to tell anyone.

Abby nodded in understanding.

" I didn't take it," he reiterated. "I was going to, but I didn't."

"Why didn't you?" Abby asked quietly.

Carter furrowed his brow. Why hadn't he? Because it was the right thing to do?

Hardly.

" I don't know," he admitted. "I wasn't myself. I didn't care about anything or anyone. There was this kid…she was so smart, and so sweet, but I was angry with her for absolutely no reason at all. I hated her and I didn't know why." He stopped briefly as he tried to think what he was trying to say. Abby just sat quietly as she took all this in, silently encouraging him to continue. "She said that I was a good person but I couldn't think why, because I wasn't. It was really stupid because she was some kid I'd only seen a few times and would probably never see again, but I had to prove it to her, prove that I could be a good person." Carter laughed to himself. Not only was he rambling and telling Abby more than she would ever want to know, but he was trying to explain something to her that he found absolutely bizarre himself. "I'm sure you don't understand…"

"Oh, I most certainly do," she said before she could stop herself. It just slipped out, but she resisted the urge to cover her mouth. She needed to get a grip; she couldn't just go around telling people, especially not her superiors, that she had had a drinking problem.

Carter gave her a skeptical look. "You've experienced it or you've seen it?"

She could tell him a lie, she could say that she knew someone who tried that…but the truth was always better though. Always better.

She swallowed hard and looked intently at her shoe. "I…I know what it's like. I-I was an alcoholic."

Carter nodded, urging her to continue.

" The first time I tried to stop was on my own. I had this plan…I um, I lasted for maybe a week before I started drinking again. Then, I went to AA."

What an incredibly stupid mistake! Now he knew. Her job was done for. Why did she have to feel like it was her place to help him? He studied her intently and she couldn't tell whether he was going to laugh, sympathize or tell her that her position at County would be terminated.

" Oh" was all he could muster.

They had shared so much with each other, more than any other teacher and student ever could, but they couldn't stop. They both needed to talk…for each other and for themselves.

" How long have you been sober?" he asked.

" About six years."

Abby played with the zipper of her jacket and stared hard at the kids playing in the park. She prayed that he wouldn't figure out that one of them was hers. In spite of what they had just shared she didn't want to have to explain her entire life to him.

" Was it hard?"

" Very…" Abby sighed.

" What made you finally stop?"

As if on cue Grace rushed up to them shouting as loudly as she possibly could.

" Mommy, look what I found-Oh, it's that nice doctor, hello!" She said in one breath, as quickly as possible.

Abby froze, it was bad enough that she had told him that she had a drinking problem, now he would surely think she was incapable of anything. She stole a glance at Carter to find him looking expectantly at her. She shook herself from the daze and looked at Grace, fixing a smile on her face. "What do you have?"

" A caterpillar!" She cried excitedly. "He was in the sand. Isn't that sad?" She added, holding out her small palm so Abby and Carter could see the fuzzy caterpillar resting on her skin.

Abby nodded. "You should go find a home for him, huh?"

" Yup! Wanna help?" She asked looking from her mom to Carter.

" We'll pass just this time," Abby laughed, smoothing her daughter's hair down. "Have Aurora and her sisters help."

Once again Grace bounded off, shouting all the way. Carter looked at Abby stunned.

" That's why," she told him timidly in answer to his last question.

" That's generally a good reason…" he replied slowly. What else could he say?

Abby nodded.

" She's defiant."

" Yup."

" So, what's your story? You know mine…"

Abby smiled slightly. So now he was interested? Add a kid and you get automatic interest. "It's really not that interesting. I'm an alcoholic." And I have a kid. I'm incapable. Just fire me now, don't patronize me.

" Sounds like you're saying that one day you woke up and became an alcoholic," Carter mused. "What happened?"

" Too much…between my mother and myself and my husband, I just couldn't handle it anymore."

" Really?"

" I don't know that I want to get into it…besides, we should be talking about you," she insisted.

" No one said that. Just tell me, was it hard? I mean, was it really hard to quit?" He looked at her genuinely and expectantly. He expected the entire truth from her, and for some reason he knew he would get it.

Abby sighed in resignation. "Very. When I quit, I had some troubles with my husband, and he wasn't exactly supportive of anything."

Carter let out a short breath. "And you still haven't had a drop to drink for six years?"

" Nope. You should consider coming to a meeting." Good, switch the focus back to him…it makes things easier.

" I think I can handle it alone."

Abby turned to face him. He could see so many emotions on her face at that very moment, the most prominent of which seemed to be fear.

" Alone?" she repeated.

He shifted, suddenly quite uncomfortable. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

" Dr. Carter, I really don't think that's a good idea…"

"I can handle it. Seriously."

" Like you did the drugs?"

She had a point. "That's different…" he said quickly.

" No, Dr. Carter. You really do need this. I can tell you from experience." She told him forcedly.

She looked even more frightened than she had to begin with. Obviously she thought it was very important. That sort of thinking on her part took him by surprise. He thought about Abby's story. He realized that she was a strong person, and that everything she had gone through had made her stronger.

That was what he wanted, to be strong, but even Abby admitted that she couldn't survive without AA.

That scared him.

Talking to Abby and getting to know her, he discovered things he had never realized. Before he had only regarded her as a med student and not an actual person. He didn't want to think that he couldn't survive on his own, but listening to her he knew he couldn't.

" Would I really be considered addicted?" He asked, unable to think of an argument.

Abby nodded.

" Why would you care what happened to me?"

" I don't know."

" What would you do if I didn't go?" he challenged.

" There really wouldn't be anything I could do. I want you to go for you, not because there's something in it for you or because someone asks you to. Just go because you don't want to be the person you are on drugs."

Finally, he nodded in agreement. "I'll go…but will you come with me?"


Abby smiled. "How 'bout Friday night?"

" What time?"

" Seven. Is that a good time for you?"

There was no turning back now…

"Should be. Now this will really help?" He felt odd asking a med student for reassurance, then he realized for the second time that day that Abby was no longer a med student. She was a person, and his friend.