School Corridor
(We see Buffy, Willow and Xander. walking along through a throng of students.)
XANDER
So ready for your big night?
BUFFY
Yeah, I guess.
WILLOW
Angel not coming?
BUFFY
No, I thought mom was coming so I told him not to. Then Mom has a last minute gallery thing and can't make it.
XANDER
(Under breath)Well I can see an upside.
BUFFY
What was that?
XANDER
Nothing.
CORDELIA (V/O)
It usually is.
(Cordelia walks in view.)
CORDELIA
(To Buffy) So ready for humiliation? And we're not just talking bout that outfit.
WILLOW
Cordelia, what's Radon?
CORDELIA
Isn't that washing up liquid?
XANDER
Not that you've used it.
CORDELIA
Well I'm not the one who'll be washing dishes for a job. Well excuse me; I have a victory speech to practise.
(Cordelia walks off
XANDER
How about the next time she gets attacked by a demon we don't help?
WILLOW
Xander that's wrong. I mean we have to help the poor demon.
BUFFY
Damn right Will.
Gym
(The School gym has a large number of students in there, sitting on improvised benches. Willow and Xander are also sitting in the audience. There are camera crews setting up in various places. We see Buffy, Cordelia and a couple of other contestants at a desk. The director is speaking to them.)
DIRECTOR
Most important of all just relax. Enjoy the experience. Tonight is just about having some fun.
MAN (V/O)
Hey Joe, we need you over here!
DIRECTOR
(Smiles at the contestants) Well good luck and enjoy yourselves.
(The Director walks away just as Principal Snyder comes over.)
SNYDER
I suppose that you think this is fun do you? Well think again. If you do anything to disgrace Sunnydale High, you can expect a term's worth of detentions. Oh and Summers? If you do anything to mess this up, detention will be the least of your worries.
(He walks away)
BUFFY
There goes our supportive principal. I just hope he never has to talk someone down a building.
Woods
(A furry "Chewbacca" like demon can be seen to be howling, before moving on.)
Gym – Later On
(The place is set up. Everyone is quiet waiting for the show to begin. Suddenly some music starts. It's the intro to "The Riverboat Song". The host with his mike runs down to the end where the contestants are.)
TONY
I'm Tony Carrelli and this is School Chaaallenge! And give a round of applause for our contestants. Cordelia Chase! Buffy Summers! Milo Lake! Steve Katchke!
(There is loud applause) On to our first round, this is where we ask a question in turn of each of our contestants.
Angle on Willow and Xander in the Audience
WILLOW
I'm worried about Buffy. What if she doesn't get a single question right? People'll point and laugh at her. It's not her fault that she has to cut class cause of slayer duty. What if…
TONY (V/O)
Buffy Summers. How would you kill a vampire?
(Xander lies back and relaxes)
WILLOW
Oh.
Angle normal
(We see footage of the contestant being asked questions by Tony whilst some energetic music plays, possibly by Kula Shakur. Then…)
TONY
Cordelia, to draw level with Buffy, answer this question correctly. What is the capital of Sweden?
CORDELIA
Umm… It's Denmark. Denmark.
TONY
I'm sorry that's incorrect. Let's take a commercial break there.
Fade out
Dressing Room
(Tony is sitting at a dresser, looking at himself in a mirror. There is a knock at the door and Spike comes in Tony is very pleased to see him)
TONY
Well look at you. Aren't you just full of blond goodness? You must be the relief boy. So good of my agent to send a good-looking one.
SPIKE
What?
TONY
Is it your first time? Oh this gets better and better.
SPIKE
(Makes an I've-worked-it-out-face.) I'm not your type.
TONY
Why you say that?
SPIKE
Take a look in the mirror. (Reaches over and smashes Tony through the mirror. He slumps back into the chair, his face a bloody mess. There is a knock at the door.)
MAKE-UP GUY
Mr Carrelli! Make-up. (Comes in.) Oh my GOD!
SPIKE
Not exactly. (Vamps out and grabs him.) Actually I'm feeling merciful. Convince me why I shouldn't kill you.
MAKE-UP GUY
(Panicked.) Unnn well if you're going on stage I could do your make-up…
(At that Spike leans in closer and whispers in the guy's ear)
SPIKE
Are you seriously suggesting that I wear MAKE-UP?
MAKE-UP GUY
Well you won't show up properly on screen if you don't.
(Spike seems to go through some internal crisis before making a decision.)
SPIKE
Oh alright then, but if you make me look like a poof, I'll rip your heart out.
Gym
(We see a group of people infiltrating the audience. Jade is amongst them.)
Angle on Willow and Xander in the Audience
(Xander has spotted someone he knows.)
XANDER
Hey, Will. Isn't that Phil from Math?
WILLOW
Yeah, he's got a whole new look.
XANDER
Not surprising since he's supposed to be dead
WILLOW
Oh.
Angle on Spike as he makes his big entrance
(Spike walks on down, holding a mike, obviously enjoying the attention. As he walks on down we can see the infiltrators, including Jade, morphing vamp faces.)
SPIKE
This is Spike TV! I'll be your host for what remains of your lives. Feel free to scream because I like that. And course it makes great TV.
Angle on a grinning Spike's face and fade out.