I'm trying to move past some of the angst, honest.

*******************************************************************************

"What do you mean by that?" Knives asked, forcing himself to sound calm while his heart jumped into his throat.

"I mean I'm not going anywhere," she repeated.

"Are you crazy? I'm sure it's only a matter of hours before they come after us here. We need to get going, quickly. Unless… you were planning something in the way of retaliation?" he amended, eyeing her speculatively.

"Um, no," she said. "But I can't just up and leave whenever I feel like it. Unlike either of you two, I actually have a job. And it's sort of an important one."

Knives' eyes narrowed as he was reminded of where she worked. He shifted his plate from his lap to the counter as he commented, "Yes. Helping the humans suck the blood of your sisters is very important. Quite worth your life."

She flinched at the anger in his tone. "That's not what I'm doing," she protested.

"What are you doing? What was so important that you had to stay here every day for the past four years, leaving Vash and I trapped behind that obnoxious barrier?"

"I'm part of a research team that's exploring optional sources of energy. Solar power, or stellar, since Sol is earth's star, but everyone still calls it solar power," she babbled before getting her mouth under control. "Anyway, we think we've finally come up with a viable supplement to plant power."

"Supplement? Not a replacement. Just a way to let the humans eke more out of the lives of your family," he accused.

She flinched again. "I'm trying, Knives. I'm looking for a solution to a problem, and I since I seem to be the only one trying, forgive me if it's taking some time," she said, sarcasm touching her words as she laced her fingers together and placed them in her lap. "I know it's not an answer. I probably know just how much of an answer it isn't even better than you.

"The plants are dying, Knives. Anyone can see it; the people I work with see it. Plants weren't made to support an entire ecosystem. They're getting tired, getting very tired right when the human population has begun to grow again. Ideally, solar power will be the answer, but it's going to take time to get the infrastructure in place."

"And while you're playing with sunbeams, more plants die."

"I know that!" she exploded, hands flying out of her lap and gripping the edge of the counter, knuckles white as she struggled to control her temper. "I know that," she repeated, "but I'm not the one who wasted 150 years on a solution that wasn't working."

"Are you suggesting that this is in any way my fault."

"Suggesting? No. I'm saying that flat out. Things would be better now if you had thought past your fear and tried to make things work between humans and plants. We really aren't as different as you'd like to believe."

He sighed. "I know. Alex's birth if nothing else drove that home." He looked at her sadly. "Damn you for that, anyway. If not for you, I would never have known…"

"Yeah. I know. Blame the messenger."

They fell silent for a moment.

"Why… why didn't you tell me you were a plant?" asked Knives after a few minutes.

"I didn't know, not at first. I found out after Meryl shot me. When I healed myself," he nodded, and she continued. "And then you guys seemed to be ignoring me, and were all concerned over Ace, and it just wasn't the time to burst out with my revelation. And then you and she… left, and when I chased after you, well, you know what happened."

"So when you saw Shamra?" he prompted.

She shrugged awkwardly. "It's not an easy thing, to think that you're one thing, then find out you are another. I wasn't reacting to her, but to what of me I saw in her. If that makes any sense." She huddled in on herself, shoulders hunched, hands buried between her knees. "And add to that the fact that I started having to really deal with the aftermath of that whole tortured to death thing, well… I just couldn't cope with everything all at once. And I don't trust you enough to have a nervous breakdown around you. I just don't. Especially not if you knew I was a plant. You'd just sit there and try to make me who you thought I should be, your perfect little soldier in your pointless war, and I don't know… that I was going to be strong enough to handle that."

"I thought that you hadn't been broken," he floundered. "You said you had died defiantly?"

"I did. I wasn't broken. But… I was… cracked. You don't survive over a year of torture and not have bits and pieces broken off of you. And when I first came here, I was ok. I was free, happy, I had escaped. And then you were chasing me, and that was fun. I mean, you are a bit of a bastard, but I'm a bitch, so things worked out there. But then things got more serious, and then I wasn't able to ignore everything that had happened to me. Even if I hadn't just found out I wasn't as human as I thought I was, I think that as soon as I tried to actually sit down and make a life that I was going to encounter that little problem. And when I couldn't ignore the pain anymore, I knew I had to face it. But not around you. I wasn't going to be weak around you.

"So I left, ran away like a coward. I needed space to deal with my past, and figure out my own future."

One without me in it, Knives thought, but didn't say.