CHAPTER SIX
As it turned out, Hermione didn't need to cancel her next appointment of Hermione-duty with her boys. She was still single and, if possible, even more depressed than she had been over Geoff. True to his Gryffindor nature, Harry showed up on time with a large bouquet of flowers and studiously avoided all mentions of Hogwarts, potions or Snape. Not the easiest thing to do when Harry worked at Hogwarts, she worked as a manager in a potions lab and the entire wizarding world was still buzzing about Hermione and Severus' explosive romance. But, Harry made a good effort, for which Hermione was extremely grateful.
It was nice to get out, she mused as they settled into their seats at the movie theatre. They had hit a pub for a pole of onion rings and greasy hamburgers - and copious amounts of beer for Harry and water for Hermione. Now they were settling down for a good movie - one of the summer blockbusters she had missed while typically buried in her work. Harry had seen it in June and loved it - it was full of fast cars, no romance, lots of action and explosions, he was now explaining to her around a mouthful of popcorn.
"You know my favorite movies are ones where lots of shit blows up," grinned Hermione. Harry just rolled his eyes and recalled how many times she had forced him to watch her favorite film of all time, Independence Day. "Are you going to hog all of the popcorn, Harry?"
Grinning back at his friend, he loosened his death grip on the giant tub of artery-clogging snacks. Hermione filled her hand with the fragrant kernels and tried gamely to become absorbed in the film.
Instead, a movie reel of the past two week's events kept playing in her head. Severus laughing over dinner. Severus kissing her. Severus moving inside her and smiling smugly as she cried out beneath him. Severus looking stunned as she stood in the doorway wearing her school robes and a naughty grin. Severus smiling dazedly as they discussed marriage and having a baby.
Severus kissing Catherine.
Not to mention the pathetic scenes outside her apartment and office. The stoic professor that never let an ounce of emotion show made quite a spectacle of himself - pounding on her apartment door and begging her secretary to let him in. And then there were the letters:
"I don't know what I was thinking, Hermione. She asked me for a goodbye kiss and I wanted to say no, suddenly we were kissing. I should have stopped it immediately. I don't know why I didn't. Other than the fact that I am an idiot. I am an utter bastard. You should hate me, but I am begging you to at least talk to me. Can you stand to be in the same room with me for just an hour, Hermione? I need to try to explain and apologize."
The letters of explanation and remorse quickly turned to letters filled with rather pathetic begging:
"Please, Hermione, forgive me. I promise I will never do anything to break your trust again. I will never even look at another woman. I will do anything you ask, if you will only forgive me, utter git that I am. Please. Please. I want nothing more than to be your husband."
She never replied to his letters. She simply fed his exhausted looking owl and sent him back to his master. Then just today a letter arrived that cut her almost as deeply as his initial betrayal. He no longer sounded like her Severus. He sounded like Professor Snape.
"Hermione,
I realize by now that you are unable to find it in your heart to forgive me. I do not blame you. My behavior was unacceptable and vile and you have no reason to continue your questionable involvement with me.
I will not abuse you further with my presence or my letters. I merely am writing to request that you inform me if we did, in fact, conceive a child. I am not asking to be involved with your life or your child. However, I have contacted my attorney and made arrangements to provide for you both financially, as is my responsibility.
If you wish to contact my attorney directly with the news, you may owl him instead. His name is Peter Graber and he has an office in London.
S. Snape"
In the darkness of the theater, she mentally reread that final letter and allowed a single stray tear to slide down her cheek. Slowly, she let her hand drift to her stomach and then she silently wept.
In the quiet of a potions lab, many miles away, Severus sat with his head resting on his folded arms. He heard a soft rustle of robes as Albus Dumbledore entered his domain and he pulled himself upright, not bothering to disguise the damp and salty trails on his cheeks.
"Severus."
"I know. I fucked up. Please let me wallow alone, Albus."
"These things have a way of working themselves out," the old wizard said softly. "The rest of the staff is worried about you. We've broken into the bottles of wine that Minerva brought back from her holiday in France, come join us. After all, the little dunderheads arrive tomorrow and this is our last chance to get - how is it the kids put it? Loaded?"
Severus grinned despite himself and nodded. Somehow, he found himself being led to the Great Hall, where the rest of the staff was relaxing over wine, cheese and soft music from an enchanted radio. Flitwick handed him a glass with kind eyes and a small smile.
"Glad you could join us, Severus," he said. Severus only nodded and began filling a plate of cheese and fruit for himself. He sat next to Dumbledore and quietly drank and ate while under the intense scrutiny of his coworkers. Finally, he could take the sneaking glances or Minerva's open hostility no longer.
"What?!" he spat. "Let's get it all out in the open. Are you all furious at me for shagging a former student? Is that it? Or is it because we broke up and the entire wizarding world has decided our short-lived affair is fuel for the gossip fire?"
"I don't know what you did to Hermione, Severus," said Minerva, slightly tipsy and completely angry. "But, she wasn't this hurt over her fiancée. I can only assume that you were being just being your bastard self when you broke her heart."
"Minerva -" began Albus, putting his hands in the air in an ineffective plea for calm.
"I hate to tell you all this, but my personal life is my own. I don't owe any of you any explanations," spat Severus. "However, if it will stop the glares, the snide remarks and even the bloody sympathy, I will tell you."
"I picked Hermione up at the bar of our favorite restaurant about two weeks ago," he began. "We got drunk, had dinner and went back to her apartment for a rather kinky one-night stand. It would appear that the taboo of student-teacher relationships turned her on as much as it did me."
"Severus!" gasped Minerva, before Albus laid a gentle hand on her shoulder to quiet her. Severus watched the interaction before he nervously rose and began to pace.
"We wound up spending the weekend together. By the end of the weekend, we both realized we were in love." He looked around, waiting for the jokes and smirks that should accompany that admission. They never came. "We also realized that we had neglected to use any birth control and that it was Hermione's fertile time in her cycle. We decided quickly that we didn't want to take any action to terminate a possible pregnancy, in fact, we began actively attempting to get pregnant."
He stopped and glared at his Gryffindor rival.
"Yes, Minerva, we both knew it was too soon. We knew we were moving too fast and we knew it was completely insane. It didn't matter. It still doesn't matter. In fact, after what I've done, none of it matters anymore," he said, angrily. "I needed to pick up a book I had left at my old apartment. I cleared it with Catherine and she agreed to leave for an afternoon. Catherine came back early and she caught us there. And after meeting Hermione, she apparently decided she wanted me back. She kissed me. The idiot that I am, I foolishly was drawn in and I kissed her back. Hermione saw us and left me. And rightly so."
He stopped pacing and looked deflatedly at his coworkers.
"So now you know it all. I am a git. I discovered the woman of my dreams and I blew it," he swallowed, refusing to cry in front of them. "I was handed a wife, home and family on a silver bloody platter and now it's gone. So, I would appreciate it if you would please let me get on with my life and my work."
Severus turned and headed for the door, leaving his mostly-speechless friends stunned.
"Severus," called Flitwick. "What if Hermione is pregnant?"
He stopped but did not turn to face them. He couldn't.
"Then she will do whatever she feels she needs to do," he said softly. "All I know is that I am out of the equation. Please, no more questions. Leave it alone. Leave me alone. I have been hurt enough for one year."
"Hermione?" asked Harry, as he walked her home after the movie. "Do you want me to be there when you take the pregnancy test? If you do the incantation tonight, I'll tell Snape when I get back to Hogwarts. You don't have to deal with him at all that way."
"No, Harry," she said. "I'm not ready to know. I can wait another week or so."
"Hermione, he looks awful, talk to him."
"No. I can't. Geoff cheated on me, Harry. I can't go through it again. I just can't."
"He loves you, you know," said Harry. "When I went to the dungeons to talk to him yesterday, he had his grandmother's engagement and wedding rings sitting on his desk. He had gotten them from his vault just in case you changed your mind. Did you know that? Give him another chance -"
Hermione turned tear-filled eyes to her best friend. She slowly shook her head.
"No, I can't give him another chance, Harry," she said. "He'll just hurt me again. And I have been hurt enough for one year."
As it turned out, Hermione didn't need to cancel her next appointment of Hermione-duty with her boys. She was still single and, if possible, even more depressed than she had been over Geoff. True to his Gryffindor nature, Harry showed up on time with a large bouquet of flowers and studiously avoided all mentions of Hogwarts, potions or Snape. Not the easiest thing to do when Harry worked at Hogwarts, she worked as a manager in a potions lab and the entire wizarding world was still buzzing about Hermione and Severus' explosive romance. But, Harry made a good effort, for which Hermione was extremely grateful.
It was nice to get out, she mused as they settled into their seats at the movie theatre. They had hit a pub for a pole of onion rings and greasy hamburgers - and copious amounts of beer for Harry and water for Hermione. Now they were settling down for a good movie - one of the summer blockbusters she had missed while typically buried in her work. Harry had seen it in June and loved it - it was full of fast cars, no romance, lots of action and explosions, he was now explaining to her around a mouthful of popcorn.
"You know my favorite movies are ones where lots of shit blows up," grinned Hermione. Harry just rolled his eyes and recalled how many times she had forced him to watch her favorite film of all time, Independence Day. "Are you going to hog all of the popcorn, Harry?"
Grinning back at his friend, he loosened his death grip on the giant tub of artery-clogging snacks. Hermione filled her hand with the fragrant kernels and tried gamely to become absorbed in the film.
Instead, a movie reel of the past two week's events kept playing in her head. Severus laughing over dinner. Severus kissing her. Severus moving inside her and smiling smugly as she cried out beneath him. Severus looking stunned as she stood in the doorway wearing her school robes and a naughty grin. Severus smiling dazedly as they discussed marriage and having a baby.
Severus kissing Catherine.
Not to mention the pathetic scenes outside her apartment and office. The stoic professor that never let an ounce of emotion show made quite a spectacle of himself - pounding on her apartment door and begging her secretary to let him in. And then there were the letters:
"I don't know what I was thinking, Hermione. She asked me for a goodbye kiss and I wanted to say no, suddenly we were kissing. I should have stopped it immediately. I don't know why I didn't. Other than the fact that I am an idiot. I am an utter bastard. You should hate me, but I am begging you to at least talk to me. Can you stand to be in the same room with me for just an hour, Hermione? I need to try to explain and apologize."
The letters of explanation and remorse quickly turned to letters filled with rather pathetic begging:
"Please, Hermione, forgive me. I promise I will never do anything to break your trust again. I will never even look at another woman. I will do anything you ask, if you will only forgive me, utter git that I am. Please. Please. I want nothing more than to be your husband."
She never replied to his letters. She simply fed his exhausted looking owl and sent him back to his master. Then just today a letter arrived that cut her almost as deeply as his initial betrayal. He no longer sounded like her Severus. He sounded like Professor Snape.
"Hermione,
I realize by now that you are unable to find it in your heart to forgive me. I do not blame you. My behavior was unacceptable and vile and you have no reason to continue your questionable involvement with me.
I will not abuse you further with my presence or my letters. I merely am writing to request that you inform me if we did, in fact, conceive a child. I am not asking to be involved with your life or your child. However, I have contacted my attorney and made arrangements to provide for you both financially, as is my responsibility.
If you wish to contact my attorney directly with the news, you may owl him instead. His name is Peter Graber and he has an office in London.
S. Snape"
In the darkness of the theater, she mentally reread that final letter and allowed a single stray tear to slide down her cheek. Slowly, she let her hand drift to her stomach and then she silently wept.
In the quiet of a potions lab, many miles away, Severus sat with his head resting on his folded arms. He heard a soft rustle of robes as Albus Dumbledore entered his domain and he pulled himself upright, not bothering to disguise the damp and salty trails on his cheeks.
"Severus."
"I know. I fucked up. Please let me wallow alone, Albus."
"These things have a way of working themselves out," the old wizard said softly. "The rest of the staff is worried about you. We've broken into the bottles of wine that Minerva brought back from her holiday in France, come join us. After all, the little dunderheads arrive tomorrow and this is our last chance to get - how is it the kids put it? Loaded?"
Severus grinned despite himself and nodded. Somehow, he found himself being led to the Great Hall, where the rest of the staff was relaxing over wine, cheese and soft music from an enchanted radio. Flitwick handed him a glass with kind eyes and a small smile.
"Glad you could join us, Severus," he said. Severus only nodded and began filling a plate of cheese and fruit for himself. He sat next to Dumbledore and quietly drank and ate while under the intense scrutiny of his coworkers. Finally, he could take the sneaking glances or Minerva's open hostility no longer.
"What?!" he spat. "Let's get it all out in the open. Are you all furious at me for shagging a former student? Is that it? Or is it because we broke up and the entire wizarding world has decided our short-lived affair is fuel for the gossip fire?"
"I don't know what you did to Hermione, Severus," said Minerva, slightly tipsy and completely angry. "But, she wasn't this hurt over her fiancée. I can only assume that you were being just being your bastard self when you broke her heart."
"Minerva -" began Albus, putting his hands in the air in an ineffective plea for calm.
"I hate to tell you all this, but my personal life is my own. I don't owe any of you any explanations," spat Severus. "However, if it will stop the glares, the snide remarks and even the bloody sympathy, I will tell you."
"I picked Hermione up at the bar of our favorite restaurant about two weeks ago," he began. "We got drunk, had dinner and went back to her apartment for a rather kinky one-night stand. It would appear that the taboo of student-teacher relationships turned her on as much as it did me."
"Severus!" gasped Minerva, before Albus laid a gentle hand on her shoulder to quiet her. Severus watched the interaction before he nervously rose and began to pace.
"We wound up spending the weekend together. By the end of the weekend, we both realized we were in love." He looked around, waiting for the jokes and smirks that should accompany that admission. They never came. "We also realized that we had neglected to use any birth control and that it was Hermione's fertile time in her cycle. We decided quickly that we didn't want to take any action to terminate a possible pregnancy, in fact, we began actively attempting to get pregnant."
He stopped and glared at his Gryffindor rival.
"Yes, Minerva, we both knew it was too soon. We knew we were moving too fast and we knew it was completely insane. It didn't matter. It still doesn't matter. In fact, after what I've done, none of it matters anymore," he said, angrily. "I needed to pick up a book I had left at my old apartment. I cleared it with Catherine and she agreed to leave for an afternoon. Catherine came back early and she caught us there. And after meeting Hermione, she apparently decided she wanted me back. She kissed me. The idiot that I am, I foolishly was drawn in and I kissed her back. Hermione saw us and left me. And rightly so."
He stopped pacing and looked deflatedly at his coworkers.
"So now you know it all. I am a git. I discovered the woman of my dreams and I blew it," he swallowed, refusing to cry in front of them. "I was handed a wife, home and family on a silver bloody platter and now it's gone. So, I would appreciate it if you would please let me get on with my life and my work."
Severus turned and headed for the door, leaving his mostly-speechless friends stunned.
"Severus," called Flitwick. "What if Hermione is pregnant?"
He stopped but did not turn to face them. He couldn't.
"Then she will do whatever she feels she needs to do," he said softly. "All I know is that I am out of the equation. Please, no more questions. Leave it alone. Leave me alone. I have been hurt enough for one year."
"Hermione?" asked Harry, as he walked her home after the movie. "Do you want me to be there when you take the pregnancy test? If you do the incantation tonight, I'll tell Snape when I get back to Hogwarts. You don't have to deal with him at all that way."
"No, Harry," she said. "I'm not ready to know. I can wait another week or so."
"Hermione, he looks awful, talk to him."
"No. I can't. Geoff cheated on me, Harry. I can't go through it again. I just can't."
"He loves you, you know," said Harry. "When I went to the dungeons to talk to him yesterday, he had his grandmother's engagement and wedding rings sitting on his desk. He had gotten them from his vault just in case you changed your mind. Did you know that? Give him another chance -"
Hermione turned tear-filled eyes to her best friend. She slowly shook her head.
"No, I can't give him another chance, Harry," she said. "He'll just hurt me again. And I have been hurt enough for one year."