CHAPTER XIX: Horribly British
We have an advantage that they are unaware of," Sage mused, smiling.
"Dear me, and I thought our luck had begun to fail us," Jareth answered.
Sage turned to Leah, who seemed mildly uncomfortable being so close to Jareth. It seemed she would punch him in the face at any moment. "How did you get here, Leah? I mean, to the Underground?"
"I traveled through the mirrors. Are you saying we can use the mirrors to get where we need to go? To get the rulers to their respective kingdoms?"
"I'm afraid not. You see, we must travel in a group to fight the crows together. We need the Beast King's power over the winds for our journey." He brushed some dust off of his smart vest. "But there is nothing preventing one from making a journey Aboveground."
"What good would that do us?" Leah asked, seeming to forget her proximity to the former Goblin King. Jareth seemed relieved by her change in demeanor. She noticed his relief and scowled at him.
He looked away and added to her question, "Yes, I fail to understand the implications, as well."
"Oh, quit being so British," Leah snapped with a sneer.
"You are truly nothing like Sarah," Jareth retorted, somewhat amazed by her attitude.
"I just speak my mind, and don't get taken in by your charade."
"No, you're quick to anger and make judgments about others. Or, if you prefer that I be less British, you're acting like a bitch."
Sage stepped between them. "Come now, this is not the time for bickering! You can have at each other later."
"Not worth the effort," Leah bit.
"Can I finish?" Sage asked.
"Yes," Jareth and Leah chimed together. They hated each other for their syncopation.
"As I was saying," Sage continued, "there is someone Aboveground who can help us. A lad with a tremendous, yet unrealized, power."
"Toby," Leah said. Jareth began to mouth the name, but thought better of it.
"Yes," Sage replied, keeping his left eye on them, and his right eye on the scheming royalty. "The mirrors only work one way. You can go through an enchanted mirror and come out of any mirror or reflecting surface of your choosing, but you can only use an enchanted mirror to return. Once you found Toby, you could get him to take you to Leah's mirror, which you could use to locate Kaleb. And, with your spells, Toby could use his magic to help you destroy Kaleb."
"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Leah exclaimed. "You sound like you're planning on sending Jareth to get Toby alone. Without my help."
"Well, yes, I am."
"And why is that? I think I should be the one to get Toby. I don't trust him anywhere near my - Sarah's," she fumbled, still a bit uncertain about her relationship with Toby, "- my brother," she finally decided. "He's tried to kidnap him on two separate occasions. I need a little more than a day's time in order to be convinced that he's trustworthy."
"Well, Leah," Sage replied, "You don't have anymore time, and I need you for other matters. You must play the role of Sarah while she is being held captive by Kaleb. As long as the people are unaware that she's been captured, we have the advantage of taking back the stability that Kaleb tried to steal from us by kidnapping Sarah."
"Okay, I'll give you that much, but why does Jareth need Toby to help him cast the spell to kill Kaleb? Can't Jareth do it himself?"
"I'm afraid not," Jareth replied. "All my powers left me long ago."
"Oh, that's just great. So how is Toby gonna do it? He has absolutely no control over his powers."
"Let me explain," Sage interceded. "Jareth has a bit of power left in him. Enough to act as the will for a spell. He can will the spell to work while Toby provides the energy needed to cast the spell. I was going to help Jareth originally, and we were going to try to convince Sarah to contribute. It's a big spell, hard for one experienced sorcerer to handle. But, with Sarah gone, we may not have her help. Toby could be our backup plan."
Leah sighed. "I guess I have no choice. Okay, let Jareth go to get him." She leaned into Jareth and prodded his nose with her finger. "Look you. I'd better not regret this. You're right, I am a bitch, but this dog has a bite worse than her bark. I've taken down three corporations for environmental hazards, and I'll take you down too." She stepped down. "And what's with the goatee?"
Jareth tugged on his facial hair and replied in a sulky voice, "I like it."
"Hmm. Well, I'm going to change into my Sarah costume. You guys do whatever you're gonna do." Just as she walked off, Sir Didymus approached.
"Sirs, I couldn't help but hear your plan. I do not think it wise to send Sir Jareth to find the lad on his own. Can I not be of service? I would be honored to accompany him Aboveground." With that, he bowed and rolled his hat forward gracefully.
"I don't think that would be wise, Didymus," Sage replied. "Aboveground is very different from Underground. You would not fit in."
"But Sir, I am keen and crafty. Surely they would not suspect that I was a spy?"
"That is not the problem," Jareth explained. "Talking dogs are not common on this world."
Sage gave Jareth a sidelong glance, surely due to the fact that he had already predicted the knight's reaction to Jareth's unthinking statement.
"What dost thou say? That I, Sir Didymus, am a mere dog?" The word rolled of his tongue with more than slight disgust. "I am a man, as equal as you or Sage."
"I didn't mean to offend," Jareth countered quickly, "but, only to say, that most furry men such as yourself are not known to speak. I do not question your equality, dear knight, but wish to overstep any potential problems."
"What a strange place in which some men do not speak. I have never known such a thing. All things speak, except for lichen." Sir Didymus scratched his whiskers thoughtfully. "What kind of place is this?"
"Yes, I meant to ask the same. What kind of place am I in store for? Is this the city where Sarah lived?"
Leah returned quickly, looking much like Sarah. "What do you think? The fairy queen helped me by conjuring up a wig."
"Spitting image," Jareth replied under his breath.
"Did you say something about spitting on me, Jareth?"
"No, not at all. Just remarking on how similar you look. Your personality is something quite different, though, I'm afraid."
"Yes, different in many wonderful ways." Leah left it at that and turned to Sage. "What were you talking about?"
"Leah, do you live in the same city as Toby? Jareth will need the boy to lead him to the mirror."
"Yeah, I moved there to be close to him. But, remember, he's run away. For all I know, my folks found him already... And that's bad news for you if you're going to try to snatch him away again... See what my parents think when Mr. Fancy Pants tries to convince them that he needs Toby to join him on an honorable quest to save his sister from his shadow. He he." She seemed highly amused by the scene.
"Why, I would think they would be proud to send their son on such a noble quest!" Sir Didymus chimed.
Leah didn't respond, knowing Sir Didymus' nature as well as Sage. "Let's just hope he's still running around the city, on his own." She sighed. "I never thought I'd wish such a thing."
Jareth considered the situation a moment. "Then, I will not have to worry about being in a highly unfamiliar place," he mused. "I have not been to or seen any of the more highly populated areas Aboveground. It would be too difficult for me to find my way about."
"Now, all you have to worry about is Toby's gnome conjuring," Leah answered.
"Gnome conjuring?" Jareth asked.
"Apparently Toby conjured up some gnomes who turned a girl's hair blue. He was sent home. No one believed his story, they thought he was trying to blame it on his invisible friends, like children usually do."
"Gnomes are horribly cheeky," Jareth said, shaking his head.
"Oh, they're cheeky, are they? For someone who doesn't know their way around major cities Aboveground, you're awfully East London," Leah said.
He ignored her intent. "I use to have a couple of gnome companions. They were full of all sorts of adventure and mischief."
Sage couldn't help but smile, "Gnomes, eh?"
"I was young once, and a lot more innocent," Jareth retorted. "They were good fellows. We sang songs together. You'd probably find it hard to believe, but we were quite popular."
"I don't believe this," Leah said, rolling her eyes. "I thought you were being British before, but nothing is more British than quipping about gnomes when trouble is unhinging the door."
"No, the word quip is very British. I am merely avoiding reality for a moment."
Leah headed toward the secret passageway, "Can we just get a move on?"
Sage and Jareth followed close behind. They did not see Didymus walk toward Ambrosius and pat him on the head. "There's a good boy. Now, you will have to sit this one out. Go find a place to hide, and wait for me." Ambrosius seemed ecstatic by the notion of hiding. "That's a good boy. I'm sorry you have to miss out on the adventure." Ambrosius was far from disappointed, surely heading the least habited and best stocked room of food.
Soon, Didymus was walking through the secret passageways, his paws click- clacking their way close behind the threesome.
Granen was purely lost. More lost than reality could allow. Only moments ago, he had been in his chambers, waiting for a lovely lass to return to his boudoir from her undressing efforts, when a raging hoard of elves ran into his room, ready to kill him. He was going to save the lass from their evil deeds, but she soon was running into the room, baring her beautiful white teeth and him, also ready to kill him. She didn't seem to mind that she was completely naked, nor did the elves. The lust for murder outweighed the lust for flesh.
It's hard to think fast when a beautiful naked woman has come into the room, Granen mumbled under his breath. What fine busoms she had, aye. Damn her busoms to hell, they are what got me into this mess.
Granen hadn't had much time to make a decision. Seeing one of Jareth's paintings in the corner, he mumbled the phrase that he always heard Jareth mumble before he magically stepped into his paintings. He hadn't had much time to look at the painting before he jumped in. After all, there had been a bloodthirsty nude at his back, accompanied by a pack of sharp- toothed elves. So he just jumped in.
He tried to remember which painting it was. Ah, yes, that little number he did during his blue period, right after he left that lass, Sarah, behind. I had to hop into the most depressing painting, hadn't I?
Okay, it was weird and depressing. Lizards with an unusual number of limbs in an assortment of sizes slithered by. The trees were moaning, he was sure of it. Their branchy tendrils waved in the breeze as if they were swaying to a morbid tune. He hadn't remembered Jareth painting any fairies into the picture, but there they were, half the size of a thumbnail and in a biting frenzy. It all gave him the willies.
You can get through this, Granen. Just remember the high point of your evening. Just remember the bosoms.
We have an advantage that they are unaware of," Sage mused, smiling.
"Dear me, and I thought our luck had begun to fail us," Jareth answered.
Sage turned to Leah, who seemed mildly uncomfortable being so close to Jareth. It seemed she would punch him in the face at any moment. "How did you get here, Leah? I mean, to the Underground?"
"I traveled through the mirrors. Are you saying we can use the mirrors to get where we need to go? To get the rulers to their respective kingdoms?"
"I'm afraid not. You see, we must travel in a group to fight the crows together. We need the Beast King's power over the winds for our journey." He brushed some dust off of his smart vest. "But there is nothing preventing one from making a journey Aboveground."
"What good would that do us?" Leah asked, seeming to forget her proximity to the former Goblin King. Jareth seemed relieved by her change in demeanor. She noticed his relief and scowled at him.
He looked away and added to her question, "Yes, I fail to understand the implications, as well."
"Oh, quit being so British," Leah snapped with a sneer.
"You are truly nothing like Sarah," Jareth retorted, somewhat amazed by her attitude.
"I just speak my mind, and don't get taken in by your charade."
"No, you're quick to anger and make judgments about others. Or, if you prefer that I be less British, you're acting like a bitch."
Sage stepped between them. "Come now, this is not the time for bickering! You can have at each other later."
"Not worth the effort," Leah bit.
"Can I finish?" Sage asked.
"Yes," Jareth and Leah chimed together. They hated each other for their syncopation.
"As I was saying," Sage continued, "there is someone Aboveground who can help us. A lad with a tremendous, yet unrealized, power."
"Toby," Leah said. Jareth began to mouth the name, but thought better of it.
"Yes," Sage replied, keeping his left eye on them, and his right eye on the scheming royalty. "The mirrors only work one way. You can go through an enchanted mirror and come out of any mirror or reflecting surface of your choosing, but you can only use an enchanted mirror to return. Once you found Toby, you could get him to take you to Leah's mirror, which you could use to locate Kaleb. And, with your spells, Toby could use his magic to help you destroy Kaleb."
"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Leah exclaimed. "You sound like you're planning on sending Jareth to get Toby alone. Without my help."
"Well, yes, I am."
"And why is that? I think I should be the one to get Toby. I don't trust him anywhere near my - Sarah's," she fumbled, still a bit uncertain about her relationship with Toby, "- my brother," she finally decided. "He's tried to kidnap him on two separate occasions. I need a little more than a day's time in order to be convinced that he's trustworthy."
"Well, Leah," Sage replied, "You don't have anymore time, and I need you for other matters. You must play the role of Sarah while she is being held captive by Kaleb. As long as the people are unaware that she's been captured, we have the advantage of taking back the stability that Kaleb tried to steal from us by kidnapping Sarah."
"Okay, I'll give you that much, but why does Jareth need Toby to help him cast the spell to kill Kaleb? Can't Jareth do it himself?"
"I'm afraid not," Jareth replied. "All my powers left me long ago."
"Oh, that's just great. So how is Toby gonna do it? He has absolutely no control over his powers."
"Let me explain," Sage interceded. "Jareth has a bit of power left in him. Enough to act as the will for a spell. He can will the spell to work while Toby provides the energy needed to cast the spell. I was going to help Jareth originally, and we were going to try to convince Sarah to contribute. It's a big spell, hard for one experienced sorcerer to handle. But, with Sarah gone, we may not have her help. Toby could be our backup plan."
Leah sighed. "I guess I have no choice. Okay, let Jareth go to get him." She leaned into Jareth and prodded his nose with her finger. "Look you. I'd better not regret this. You're right, I am a bitch, but this dog has a bite worse than her bark. I've taken down three corporations for environmental hazards, and I'll take you down too." She stepped down. "And what's with the goatee?"
Jareth tugged on his facial hair and replied in a sulky voice, "I like it."
"Hmm. Well, I'm going to change into my Sarah costume. You guys do whatever you're gonna do." Just as she walked off, Sir Didymus approached.
"Sirs, I couldn't help but hear your plan. I do not think it wise to send Sir Jareth to find the lad on his own. Can I not be of service? I would be honored to accompany him Aboveground." With that, he bowed and rolled his hat forward gracefully.
"I don't think that would be wise, Didymus," Sage replied. "Aboveground is very different from Underground. You would not fit in."
"But Sir, I am keen and crafty. Surely they would not suspect that I was a spy?"
"That is not the problem," Jareth explained. "Talking dogs are not common on this world."
Sage gave Jareth a sidelong glance, surely due to the fact that he had already predicted the knight's reaction to Jareth's unthinking statement.
"What dost thou say? That I, Sir Didymus, am a mere dog?" The word rolled of his tongue with more than slight disgust. "I am a man, as equal as you or Sage."
"I didn't mean to offend," Jareth countered quickly, "but, only to say, that most furry men such as yourself are not known to speak. I do not question your equality, dear knight, but wish to overstep any potential problems."
"What a strange place in which some men do not speak. I have never known such a thing. All things speak, except for lichen." Sir Didymus scratched his whiskers thoughtfully. "What kind of place is this?"
"Yes, I meant to ask the same. What kind of place am I in store for? Is this the city where Sarah lived?"
Leah returned quickly, looking much like Sarah. "What do you think? The fairy queen helped me by conjuring up a wig."
"Spitting image," Jareth replied under his breath.
"Did you say something about spitting on me, Jareth?"
"No, not at all. Just remarking on how similar you look. Your personality is something quite different, though, I'm afraid."
"Yes, different in many wonderful ways." Leah left it at that and turned to Sage. "What were you talking about?"
"Leah, do you live in the same city as Toby? Jareth will need the boy to lead him to the mirror."
"Yeah, I moved there to be close to him. But, remember, he's run away. For all I know, my folks found him already... And that's bad news for you if you're going to try to snatch him away again... See what my parents think when Mr. Fancy Pants tries to convince them that he needs Toby to join him on an honorable quest to save his sister from his shadow. He he." She seemed highly amused by the scene.
"Why, I would think they would be proud to send their son on such a noble quest!" Sir Didymus chimed.
Leah didn't respond, knowing Sir Didymus' nature as well as Sage. "Let's just hope he's still running around the city, on his own." She sighed. "I never thought I'd wish such a thing."
Jareth considered the situation a moment. "Then, I will not have to worry about being in a highly unfamiliar place," he mused. "I have not been to or seen any of the more highly populated areas Aboveground. It would be too difficult for me to find my way about."
"Now, all you have to worry about is Toby's gnome conjuring," Leah answered.
"Gnome conjuring?" Jareth asked.
"Apparently Toby conjured up some gnomes who turned a girl's hair blue. He was sent home. No one believed his story, they thought he was trying to blame it on his invisible friends, like children usually do."
"Gnomes are horribly cheeky," Jareth said, shaking his head.
"Oh, they're cheeky, are they? For someone who doesn't know their way around major cities Aboveground, you're awfully East London," Leah said.
He ignored her intent. "I use to have a couple of gnome companions. They were full of all sorts of adventure and mischief."
Sage couldn't help but smile, "Gnomes, eh?"
"I was young once, and a lot more innocent," Jareth retorted. "They were good fellows. We sang songs together. You'd probably find it hard to believe, but we were quite popular."
"I don't believe this," Leah said, rolling her eyes. "I thought you were being British before, but nothing is more British than quipping about gnomes when trouble is unhinging the door."
"No, the word quip is very British. I am merely avoiding reality for a moment."
Leah headed toward the secret passageway, "Can we just get a move on?"
Sage and Jareth followed close behind. They did not see Didymus walk toward Ambrosius and pat him on the head. "There's a good boy. Now, you will have to sit this one out. Go find a place to hide, and wait for me." Ambrosius seemed ecstatic by the notion of hiding. "That's a good boy. I'm sorry you have to miss out on the adventure." Ambrosius was far from disappointed, surely heading the least habited and best stocked room of food.
Soon, Didymus was walking through the secret passageways, his paws click- clacking their way close behind the threesome.
Granen was purely lost. More lost than reality could allow. Only moments ago, he had been in his chambers, waiting for a lovely lass to return to his boudoir from her undressing efforts, when a raging hoard of elves ran into his room, ready to kill him. He was going to save the lass from their evil deeds, but she soon was running into the room, baring her beautiful white teeth and him, also ready to kill him. She didn't seem to mind that she was completely naked, nor did the elves. The lust for murder outweighed the lust for flesh.
It's hard to think fast when a beautiful naked woman has come into the room, Granen mumbled under his breath. What fine busoms she had, aye. Damn her busoms to hell, they are what got me into this mess.
Granen hadn't had much time to make a decision. Seeing one of Jareth's paintings in the corner, he mumbled the phrase that he always heard Jareth mumble before he magically stepped into his paintings. He hadn't had much time to look at the painting before he jumped in. After all, there had been a bloodthirsty nude at his back, accompanied by a pack of sharp- toothed elves. So he just jumped in.
He tried to remember which painting it was. Ah, yes, that little number he did during his blue period, right after he left that lass, Sarah, behind. I had to hop into the most depressing painting, hadn't I?
Okay, it was weird and depressing. Lizards with an unusual number of limbs in an assortment of sizes slithered by. The trees were moaning, he was sure of it. Their branchy tendrils waved in the breeze as if they were swaying to a morbid tune. He hadn't remembered Jareth painting any fairies into the picture, but there they were, half the size of a thumbnail and in a biting frenzy. It all gave him the willies.
You can get through this, Granen. Just remember the high point of your evening. Just remember the bosoms.