My first Tracker fic… I've been converted. *waves to Blue* I'm not sure if this was what she wanted or expected… Blame my muses and the music I was listening to at 4 A.M. to lull me to sleep. Needless to say, sleep was a long time in coming. Many thanks to all who have helped me, and especially Blue, who introduced me to the fandom and helped with characterization.
No spoilers that I know of.
Summary: A character introspection short story. One of my main ways of dabbling, especially at first. Feedback (especially honest) is appreciated.
The Way You Are
By Kameka
Mel, no matter how much I have complained in the past... I hope that you know I appreciate you.
You have a way about you that I've never seen before. Never in the past, in the present, nor, I suspect, in the future. You have an undeniable sense of class. I had heard the phrase before but never understood it until I applied it you. That indefinable sense of getting the best had finally been identified. It was you. You, Mel, are the best. The best Human I've ever met. The best woman I've ever known. On this planet or any world I could imagine being out there.
You're my teacher, Mel. Do you realize what that means? I look up to you. I depend on you. It scares me sometimes. You didn't ask for the responsibility, but you accepted it when it came. You accept everything in your path with grace. Do I depend on you too much? I try not to. I'm not here to be a burden on anyone. There is just so much that you can teach me. So much I can learn about being a caring person. Can I ever be as good a person as you? Could I manage to care even half as much about strangers? I'm not sure of the answer myself, but I know that I'm going to try. Seemingly unattainable dreams that I strive for either way. If I succeed, maybe people will care about me as much as they do you.
I don't know how many people have asked about you. How you're doing, if you can handle everything. I say 'yes,' of course. You can handle anything, Mel. You're strong. Not in the traditional sense, perhaps, but it is a strength nonetheless. Everyone that you have ever touched has been blessed.
I know that I have. You've given me so much strength that I don't know how I could continue without you. Would I be able to? Would I be strong enough? What if I'm not? What happens then? But I don't have to worry about that. I know I don't, because I know you. You would never leave someone you consider a friend. Always there for someone to lean on, a pillar of security in the unstable sea of life. It's the way you are.
Do you know how special that is?
Not many people would accept a young woman into her care so soon after losing a grandmother. After releasing her, even while you try to hold onto your memories and thoughts of her. Fewer would accept a strange man a short time later. What is it that draws people to you like moths to a flame? We should bottle it, save it, for when we're lonely. I watch you, when you aren't looking. Even when you're worried, you're ready with a soft smile and kind eyes to whomever may need it. People accept it and welcome it. They worry when it's gone.
Even towers have to lean at times. Would you accept leaning on other people? Leaning on me? I've tried to help you with the Watchfire. I've done my best to make your dream of making it successful come true. Has it been enough? Will it ever be enough to repay you? Am I ready for either answer? Are you?
I know you've been hurt in the past. I'd have to be blind not to see the wariness in your eyes at times. Don't let the burden of pain crush your spirit, Mel. It's too special to lose. Not everyone will let you down and those that do are fools. I don't suffer fools gladly. Never have, never will. They easily lose things that are infinitely precious. The worst part of it is that they aren't even aware of what they've lost. I suppose they're not called fools for nothing.
I've only known you for a short time, but there's something there. A connection between us. Do you feel it too? Is that why you accepted me, helped me, when so many others would have left me to my own devices? Left me to battle my demons alone. Shadows that haunt my dreams, a knot of cold that resides in my chest that makes it impossible for me to get warm. Constant companions for so long. Until you. Until your warmth and brightness banished them into the darkness where they belonged and carried me into the light.
You couldn't have left me, could you? You had to interfere, even if you wished not to. You can't leave someone hurting alone. You have to help in any way you can. It's part of what makes you… you. Is that the secret? The fuel for the flame?
I was hurting because I was alone in this world. I'd had a family, a purpose, and it was taken from me. I fought to find another and that, too, was almost taken from me. Not anymore. You've helped put me on the right track. You made sure that I know there's someone I can depend on. Someone I can learn from, teach, respect… Someone I can love.
I lost my family, and you stepped in. A selfless gesture that I was barely aware of at the time. You crept into my heart when I wasn't looking. Crept in and firmly situated yourself behind the walls life forced me to put up.
I lost myself, and you helped navigate the way. I had something to do, someone to help, someone to help me. I could succeed with your help. I would succeed. Anything to have you smile at me with pride. I am firmly convinced that your smile is one of life's unexpected rewards.
Because that's the way you are.
I have a purpose. It may not be the one I've imagined my entire life, but it is mine. Fate planted my feet, but you, Mel, are the one who has helped me travel it.
"You're pretty quiet, Jess. Something on your mind?"
"No, Mel. Just thinking." Jess looked up to see the other woman watching her with a partial frown. Noting the cup of coffee at Mel's elbow and wanting to change the subject, she smiled and gestured to it. "Expecting Cole back?"
"Any minute," was the verbal answer, accompanied by a look towards the door of the Watchfire. Visibly tearing her eyes away, she chuckled. "A watched pot never boils; a watched door never opens," she reminded herself. Putting her mind back to whatever had made Jess quiet, Mel perused her slowly, looking for a visible sign of something bothering the younger woman. "Want to talk about it?"
"Mel, I was just thinking!"
"Should I be worried, then?" The question was asked tongue-in-cheek, Mel's blue-gray eyes shining with amusement.
"Mel!" The outrage in the explanation was mocked at the teasing she'd come to expect from the other woman. Deciding to change the subject back, she asked, "he tell you how his trip went?"
"Successful." Mel shrugged. "Cole wouldn't accept anything less."
Jess nodded in understanding of that fact. It was one of the reasons she felt safe around the man. One of the reasons she accepted Mel's half-truths about who he was. "He's devoted to his job of keeping the teeming masses safe." Both women laughed at the entirely true statement. When their laughter had abated somewhat, the unwatched door opened and the man in question stepped through.
"Hello, Mel. Hello, Jess," came the standard greetings after one of his business trips. They were accompanied by a soft smile and a quick study of them both that affirmed nothing had happened.
"Hi, Cole." Jess watched as Mel made her way to the tall man's side and handed him the cup of coffee before giving him the expected hug. The laughter fading from her eyes and her smile turning wistful, the young Englishwoman began wiping down the bar.
Class. Grace. Spirit. Soul. Love.
You have them all. The real indicators of beauty. You, Melanie Irene Porter, are beautiful. Simply because that is the way you are.
The End