Title: The Fundamentals of Friendship
Author: Magicsunbeam
Email: magicsunbeam@ntlworld.com
Category: Angst/ H&C
Pairing: None
Rating: G
Season/sequel: Season 5.
Spoilers: Meridian
Summary: Feelings run amuck after the demise & rise of Daniel Jackson.
Authors notes: I read Emry Wild's "Permission Granted" and was blown away by the power it emanates. The end of the story leaves Jack on his knees, and it was just killing me to know what happened next. Soooooooo...
I don't have the same raw rage talents as Emry, but I hope this doesn't do "Permission Granted" too much of an injustice.
J.
********************************************************************
Janet Fraiser sat with her chin in her hand, staring at the file that lay before her on the desk. To everyone else it was an ordinary looking file, but for Janet it held one of the most difficult reports she had ever had to write.
The final hours in the life of Dr Daniel Jackson.
In her line of work, it stood to reason Janet was going to see some pretty awful things. She had seen men and women cut down in their prime, serving and protecting their country, and in some truly awful ways. She had managed somehow to detach herself ~ almost ~ from the horrors she had seen.
However, in this case there was one fundamental difference.
Friendship.
Over the years, Janet had come to love and respect the man that was Daniel Jackson. His warmth. Compassion. Gentleness. Consideration. Humour. Intelligence. Courageousness and modesty.
She had been horrified when she heard what had happened. She had fought to save Daniel, even though she knew from the first moment, any attempt she made would be futile.
In the end, all she could do was fill him with copious amounts of morphine. Even Jacob's last ditch attempt to heal Daniel's ravaged body with the Tok`ra device was no good.
It came as a shock to Janet when Jack gave the calm, quiet order to stop. Of all the people in the room, she had expected Jack to be the one screaming and raging, refusing to quit.
Deep inside, she knew the colonel had been right in giving the order. It had been too late for Daniel, from the moment he had stepped into that laboratory. Now he was gone, and no amount of raging was going to make a difference.
No one knew for sure what had happened, but afterwards Daniels friends had gone off to deal with their grief in their own way. Sam had found solace in the arms of her father. Teal'c had gone off to perform some Chulakian ritual for his dead friends soul. Hammond took himself off to his office for some time out, and to gather his thoughts. Janet had decided to get her report done as quickly as possible. And Jack?
Jack had disappeared.
That had been some four hours ago.
Staring at the file in front of her, a lump the size of Staten Island appeared in Janet's throat, and her eyes filled up. As the tears began to fall, she dropped her head into her hands and sobbed.
"Oh, God. Daniel, I'm sorry."
*****
Janet wasn't sure how long she had sat there in the semi darkness, oblivious to everything around her. She was jerked back to reality when there was a knock at her office door and a nurse pushed her head round.
"Doctor Fraiser?" Kelly called softly. "I'm sorry ma`am, but there's been a call for you. You're needed in Colonel O'Neill's quarters. It seemed pretty urgent."
"Thanks, Kelly." Janet said, quickly grabbing a handful of Kleenex, and dabbing her eyes.
Grabbing her bag as she left her office, Janet wondered what she was going to find in the colonel's quarters that needed her skills.
****
On the way, Janet met up with the general.
"Sir, do you know what the problem is?" she asked.
Hammond shook his head.
"All I know is, apparently Colonel O'Neill has barricaded himself into his quarters. The airman who called, said there was a lot of noise coming from inside that sounded like furniture being thrown about. Now given Colonel O'Neill's record on when we *thought* Dr Jackson had died, I'm not expecting there to be much left of that room."
Janet fought the lump that threatened to return to her throat. There was no `thought` this time. This time Daniel really wasn't coming back.
****
Approaching Jack's quarters, the general and the doctor found the corridor bustling. Losing his temper at the sight of the bystanders, Hammond barked:
"What the *hell* is going on here? Don't you people have *work* to do?"
The crowd quickly dispersed, leaving Teal'c, Lou Feretti and worried looking Lieutenant.
"Major," Hammond addressed the leader of SG2. "Report."
"Sir, Lt Todd here, heard a lot of crashing and banging coming from Jack's ~ Colonel O'Neill's ~ quarters. The door's been barricaded. Me and Teal'c have been trying to get an answer from the colonel, but he's not responding." Feretti ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Permission to break this door the hell down, sir?"
Hammond nodded.
"Go ahead, Major."
****
It took some time, but eventually the door was forced.
Entering the room first, Teal'c found the light switch. The overhead light had been smashed, leaving the room dully lit by the wall lights.
"O'Neill?" he called, getting no response.
His eyes hunted the trashed room, until his gaze finally fell on a figure crumpled against the wall, in the far corner of the room.
Hearing a low whistle behind him, Teal'c turned to find Feretti, the general, and Janet stood behind him.
Janet had fully expected to find the room trashed. What she *didn't* expect was to find Jack in such a sorry state. She quickly crossed the room, and crouched in front of him taking in the blood that was dripping onto the floor.
"Colonel, I need to take a look, okay?" she said quietly.
To her surprise, he responded with: "Okay," and a brief nod.
She gingerly picked up his bloodied hands. Definitely a couple of chipped, dented, and broken bones there. She then took a quick look at the cut to his hairline. Wincing, she could already see the bruising come out. Someone handed Janet a medikit, and taking an antiseptic wipe, she began with cleaning the cut to Jack's head.
A few minutes later, her `patch up` complete, Janet knew her next major task was to persuade the colonel to allow her to take him to the infirmary.
"Sir," she began.
"I'm okay, Doc," Jack calmly interrupted.
"Sir, with all due respect, the hell you are." Janet replied, astounded.
A very small, very tired smile touched Jack's lips.
"Please, just leave me alone. I promise I'll be a good boy, and won't break anymore chairs."
Hearing his 2IC's request, Hammond crouched down beside him.
"Now, Jack," he said quietly. "You know I can't just leave you here. Besides which, you need to get that cut sutured and your hands x-rayed. God alone knows what you've broken in there."
Jack glanced down at his hands. Janet had cleaned them up, and wrapped temporary bandages around them, but he could practically see them swelling as he watched.
Sighing at the inevitability of his situation, Jack nodded his consent. Attempting to get to his feet proved to be a problem, until Teal'c and Ferretti intervened. Between them, they carefully hauled Jack upright.
Finding the sudden movement a little too much, Jack's head spun as the room tilted, and his knees began to buckle. Teal'c and Feretti both leaned in a little closer. Wedging the colonel upright, they began to pick their way to the infirmary.
****
Janet didn't need to ask what had happened. She had witnessed Jack's attack on General Hammond's car, on the day of Daniel's `wake`.
As she finished off wrapping his hands, she glanced at the man sitting on the bed before her. She knew he was frustrated and angry. She also knew that although she'd probably never hear the words, he was devastated at losing his friend.
As if reading her mind, Jack caught her gaze and tried to smile.
"How does that feel?" She asked.
"I'm okay, Doc," he assured her. "I just needed to vent a couple of issues."
"So I noticed," Janet tried equally as hard to return the smile. "Although I'd have thought venting your issues with a punch bag, rather than a wall, would have been wiser."
"I guess so," he replied, a small but genuine grin escaping. A second later it was replaced with a dark look. "But I'd rather be punching that Jonas guy."
"Me too." Janet murmured, picking up the bandage wrappings from the bed.
Her response surprised him, and as if noticing her own state of emotions for the first time, Jack tried to take hold of her hand.
"How are you doing, Doc?" he asked.
Averting his gaze, Janet felt Staten Island beginning to rise again.
"I'm okay, sir," she lied, fighting to keep the tears back.
"With all due respect, Doc," Jack replied softly, echoing the words she had used earlier. "The hell you are."
"Alright," she bit, suddenly angry. "I'm not okay. Neither of us are okay. We just had to watch a friend die a horrible, painful death. My God, we have all this new alien technology at our disposal, and *still* there was nothing I could do to save him. God, Jack. I should have been able to *do* something."
Jack wrapped his arms around the diminutive doctor and pulled her into an embrace.
"This is not your fault, Doc," he murmured, as Janet leaned into him, bitter tears now falling freely.
After a couple of minutes Janet pulled away sharply, as something suddenly occurred to her.
"Oh, God. I have to tell Cassie."
****
Sometime later, Jack was once more in the dark cold space that was his quarters. The broken furniture had been taken away and replaced. A new lamp sat on his desk, ready to light up the corner that had mocked him so much, and the blood had been cleaned off the walls and floor. Looking round, anyone would have a hard time believing hurricane O'Neill had hit at all.
Janet had managed to restore some of her doctor's decorum, and ordered that Jack stay on base and rest. She wanted to see him first thing in the morning and, if all was well, she would allow him to go home.
Jack had lay on his bunk for a couple of hours, quietly contemplating the two pills he held in his battered hand. Janet had given him them, saying they would help with the headache she knew he had, but was refusing to admit to. However, he also knew Janet Fraiser enough know the pills would pack a kick like a mule too. He wasn't ready to sleep. Not yet.
A quiet knock at his door grabbed his attention. Not ready to talk to anyone either, Jack opted to remain quiet in the hope that whoever it was would go away. He cursed quietly when he heard the doorknob being turned, and the door being swung open.
"Jack?" Cassie's voice floated softly across the room.
His quest for solitude now forgotten, Jack sat up on the bed.
"Hey, Cassie." He smiled.
"I'm sorry," the teenager apologised. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's okay, I wasn't asleep. How're you doing?" He asked, although her reddened and puffy eyes told their own story.
"Mom told me what happened." Cassie said simply, crossing the remaining space and sitting down on the bed next to Jack. "I can't believe he's not here anymore."
Jack draped an arm round her shoulder and pulled her close.
"I know. I can hardly get my head around it myself," he told her honestly.
Cassie then noticed the bandages on Jack's hands.
"What happened?"
"Oh, nothing much," he lied, grateful that the cleaning staff had removed any sign of his argument with the wall. "Just banged them up a little. They'll be okay."
Cassie just nodded a little, and Jack knew she knew. Good ol` Doc had warned her, but it was obvious that she had also warned her not to push.
The two sat in silence for a little while, then Cassie asked quietly:
"Why did you make Jacob stop?"
Jack sighed. `God, what a picture the kid must have of me.`
"It was too late, Cass," he said softly, willing the girl to understand. "Besides, it was what Daniel wanted."
"How did you know?"
"I don't know how. I just did." Jack answered.
Cassie nodded once more.
"I'm really going to miss him."
Carefully scrubbing his face, Jack sighed.
"What are you doing here, Cassie? I know your mom could use your company right now."
"I was worried about you."
"I appreciate it," Jack smiled. "But you don't have to be worried about me. I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You're alone."
Jack looked at her questioningly.
"You're alone," she repeated. "I have mom to talk to. Sam has her dad. Teal'c has Ryac. General Hammond has his grand daughters." Cassie averted his gaze and murmured: "You have no one. I didn't want you to feel alone."
Jack didn't know what to say, so he pulled her into a bear hug.
They sat that way for a long while, eventually Cassie pulling herself free.
"I'd better let you get some rest," she said, getting to her feet. "Or mom won't be pleased."
As she went to walk away, Jack took her hand.
"Thank you." He mouthed.
Cassie smiled sadly. "Anytime," she said, and quietly left the room.
** After she had gone, Jack lay back on the bed and wondered. Just when was it that he had let his guard down enough to have people care about him so much?
He stared for a long moment at the pills he still held in his battered hand. Then deciding he wasn't going to need them after all, he dropped them onto the cabinet by the bed, and turned off the lamp.
Turning onto his side and closing his eyes, Jack mumbled into the darkness:
"I'll miss you too, Daniel."
~~End~~
Author: Magicsunbeam
Email: magicsunbeam@ntlworld.com
Category: Angst/ H&C
Pairing: None
Rating: G
Season/sequel: Season 5.
Spoilers: Meridian
Summary: Feelings run amuck after the demise & rise of Daniel Jackson.
Authors notes: I read Emry Wild's "Permission Granted" and was blown away by the power it emanates. The end of the story leaves Jack on his knees, and it was just killing me to know what happened next. Soooooooo...
I don't have the same raw rage talents as Emry, but I hope this doesn't do "Permission Granted" too much of an injustice.
J.
********************************************************************
Janet Fraiser sat with her chin in her hand, staring at the file that lay before her on the desk. To everyone else it was an ordinary looking file, but for Janet it held one of the most difficult reports she had ever had to write.
The final hours in the life of Dr Daniel Jackson.
In her line of work, it stood to reason Janet was going to see some pretty awful things. She had seen men and women cut down in their prime, serving and protecting their country, and in some truly awful ways. She had managed somehow to detach herself ~ almost ~ from the horrors she had seen.
However, in this case there was one fundamental difference.
Friendship.
Over the years, Janet had come to love and respect the man that was Daniel Jackson. His warmth. Compassion. Gentleness. Consideration. Humour. Intelligence. Courageousness and modesty.
She had been horrified when she heard what had happened. She had fought to save Daniel, even though she knew from the first moment, any attempt she made would be futile.
In the end, all she could do was fill him with copious amounts of morphine. Even Jacob's last ditch attempt to heal Daniel's ravaged body with the Tok`ra device was no good.
It came as a shock to Janet when Jack gave the calm, quiet order to stop. Of all the people in the room, she had expected Jack to be the one screaming and raging, refusing to quit.
Deep inside, she knew the colonel had been right in giving the order. It had been too late for Daniel, from the moment he had stepped into that laboratory. Now he was gone, and no amount of raging was going to make a difference.
No one knew for sure what had happened, but afterwards Daniels friends had gone off to deal with their grief in their own way. Sam had found solace in the arms of her father. Teal'c had gone off to perform some Chulakian ritual for his dead friends soul. Hammond took himself off to his office for some time out, and to gather his thoughts. Janet had decided to get her report done as quickly as possible. And Jack?
Jack had disappeared.
That had been some four hours ago.
Staring at the file in front of her, a lump the size of Staten Island appeared in Janet's throat, and her eyes filled up. As the tears began to fall, she dropped her head into her hands and sobbed.
"Oh, God. Daniel, I'm sorry."
*****
Janet wasn't sure how long she had sat there in the semi darkness, oblivious to everything around her. She was jerked back to reality when there was a knock at her office door and a nurse pushed her head round.
"Doctor Fraiser?" Kelly called softly. "I'm sorry ma`am, but there's been a call for you. You're needed in Colonel O'Neill's quarters. It seemed pretty urgent."
"Thanks, Kelly." Janet said, quickly grabbing a handful of Kleenex, and dabbing her eyes.
Grabbing her bag as she left her office, Janet wondered what she was going to find in the colonel's quarters that needed her skills.
****
On the way, Janet met up with the general.
"Sir, do you know what the problem is?" she asked.
Hammond shook his head.
"All I know is, apparently Colonel O'Neill has barricaded himself into his quarters. The airman who called, said there was a lot of noise coming from inside that sounded like furniture being thrown about. Now given Colonel O'Neill's record on when we *thought* Dr Jackson had died, I'm not expecting there to be much left of that room."
Janet fought the lump that threatened to return to her throat. There was no `thought` this time. This time Daniel really wasn't coming back.
****
Approaching Jack's quarters, the general and the doctor found the corridor bustling. Losing his temper at the sight of the bystanders, Hammond barked:
"What the *hell* is going on here? Don't you people have *work* to do?"
The crowd quickly dispersed, leaving Teal'c, Lou Feretti and worried looking Lieutenant.
"Major," Hammond addressed the leader of SG2. "Report."
"Sir, Lt Todd here, heard a lot of crashing and banging coming from Jack's ~ Colonel O'Neill's ~ quarters. The door's been barricaded. Me and Teal'c have been trying to get an answer from the colonel, but he's not responding." Feretti ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Permission to break this door the hell down, sir?"
Hammond nodded.
"Go ahead, Major."
****
It took some time, but eventually the door was forced.
Entering the room first, Teal'c found the light switch. The overhead light had been smashed, leaving the room dully lit by the wall lights.
"O'Neill?" he called, getting no response.
His eyes hunted the trashed room, until his gaze finally fell on a figure crumpled against the wall, in the far corner of the room.
Hearing a low whistle behind him, Teal'c turned to find Feretti, the general, and Janet stood behind him.
Janet had fully expected to find the room trashed. What she *didn't* expect was to find Jack in such a sorry state. She quickly crossed the room, and crouched in front of him taking in the blood that was dripping onto the floor.
"Colonel, I need to take a look, okay?" she said quietly.
To her surprise, he responded with: "Okay," and a brief nod.
She gingerly picked up his bloodied hands. Definitely a couple of chipped, dented, and broken bones there. She then took a quick look at the cut to his hairline. Wincing, she could already see the bruising come out. Someone handed Janet a medikit, and taking an antiseptic wipe, she began with cleaning the cut to Jack's head.
A few minutes later, her `patch up` complete, Janet knew her next major task was to persuade the colonel to allow her to take him to the infirmary.
"Sir," she began.
"I'm okay, Doc," Jack calmly interrupted.
"Sir, with all due respect, the hell you are." Janet replied, astounded.
A very small, very tired smile touched Jack's lips.
"Please, just leave me alone. I promise I'll be a good boy, and won't break anymore chairs."
Hearing his 2IC's request, Hammond crouched down beside him.
"Now, Jack," he said quietly. "You know I can't just leave you here. Besides which, you need to get that cut sutured and your hands x-rayed. God alone knows what you've broken in there."
Jack glanced down at his hands. Janet had cleaned them up, and wrapped temporary bandages around them, but he could practically see them swelling as he watched.
Sighing at the inevitability of his situation, Jack nodded his consent. Attempting to get to his feet proved to be a problem, until Teal'c and Ferretti intervened. Between them, they carefully hauled Jack upright.
Finding the sudden movement a little too much, Jack's head spun as the room tilted, and his knees began to buckle. Teal'c and Feretti both leaned in a little closer. Wedging the colonel upright, they began to pick their way to the infirmary.
****
Janet didn't need to ask what had happened. She had witnessed Jack's attack on General Hammond's car, on the day of Daniel's `wake`.
As she finished off wrapping his hands, she glanced at the man sitting on the bed before her. She knew he was frustrated and angry. She also knew that although she'd probably never hear the words, he was devastated at losing his friend.
As if reading her mind, Jack caught her gaze and tried to smile.
"How does that feel?" She asked.
"I'm okay, Doc," he assured her. "I just needed to vent a couple of issues."
"So I noticed," Janet tried equally as hard to return the smile. "Although I'd have thought venting your issues with a punch bag, rather than a wall, would have been wiser."
"I guess so," he replied, a small but genuine grin escaping. A second later it was replaced with a dark look. "But I'd rather be punching that Jonas guy."
"Me too." Janet murmured, picking up the bandage wrappings from the bed.
Her response surprised him, and as if noticing her own state of emotions for the first time, Jack tried to take hold of her hand.
"How are you doing, Doc?" he asked.
Averting his gaze, Janet felt Staten Island beginning to rise again.
"I'm okay, sir," she lied, fighting to keep the tears back.
"With all due respect, Doc," Jack replied softly, echoing the words she had used earlier. "The hell you are."
"Alright," she bit, suddenly angry. "I'm not okay. Neither of us are okay. We just had to watch a friend die a horrible, painful death. My God, we have all this new alien technology at our disposal, and *still* there was nothing I could do to save him. God, Jack. I should have been able to *do* something."
Jack wrapped his arms around the diminutive doctor and pulled her into an embrace.
"This is not your fault, Doc," he murmured, as Janet leaned into him, bitter tears now falling freely.
After a couple of minutes Janet pulled away sharply, as something suddenly occurred to her.
"Oh, God. I have to tell Cassie."
****
Sometime later, Jack was once more in the dark cold space that was his quarters. The broken furniture had been taken away and replaced. A new lamp sat on his desk, ready to light up the corner that had mocked him so much, and the blood had been cleaned off the walls and floor. Looking round, anyone would have a hard time believing hurricane O'Neill had hit at all.
Janet had managed to restore some of her doctor's decorum, and ordered that Jack stay on base and rest. She wanted to see him first thing in the morning and, if all was well, she would allow him to go home.
Jack had lay on his bunk for a couple of hours, quietly contemplating the two pills he held in his battered hand. Janet had given him them, saying they would help with the headache she knew he had, but was refusing to admit to. However, he also knew Janet Fraiser enough know the pills would pack a kick like a mule too. He wasn't ready to sleep. Not yet.
A quiet knock at his door grabbed his attention. Not ready to talk to anyone either, Jack opted to remain quiet in the hope that whoever it was would go away. He cursed quietly when he heard the doorknob being turned, and the door being swung open.
"Jack?" Cassie's voice floated softly across the room.
His quest for solitude now forgotten, Jack sat up on the bed.
"Hey, Cassie." He smiled.
"I'm sorry," the teenager apologised. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's okay, I wasn't asleep. How're you doing?" He asked, although her reddened and puffy eyes told their own story.
"Mom told me what happened." Cassie said simply, crossing the remaining space and sitting down on the bed next to Jack. "I can't believe he's not here anymore."
Jack draped an arm round her shoulder and pulled her close.
"I know. I can hardly get my head around it myself," he told her honestly.
Cassie then noticed the bandages on Jack's hands.
"What happened?"
"Oh, nothing much," he lied, grateful that the cleaning staff had removed any sign of his argument with the wall. "Just banged them up a little. They'll be okay."
Cassie just nodded a little, and Jack knew she knew. Good ol` Doc had warned her, but it was obvious that she had also warned her not to push.
The two sat in silence for a little while, then Cassie asked quietly:
"Why did you make Jacob stop?"
Jack sighed. `God, what a picture the kid must have of me.`
"It was too late, Cass," he said softly, willing the girl to understand. "Besides, it was what Daniel wanted."
"How did you know?"
"I don't know how. I just did." Jack answered.
Cassie nodded once more.
"I'm really going to miss him."
Carefully scrubbing his face, Jack sighed.
"What are you doing here, Cassie? I know your mom could use your company right now."
"I was worried about you."
"I appreciate it," Jack smiled. "But you don't have to be worried about me. I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You're alone."
Jack looked at her questioningly.
"You're alone," she repeated. "I have mom to talk to. Sam has her dad. Teal'c has Ryac. General Hammond has his grand daughters." Cassie averted his gaze and murmured: "You have no one. I didn't want you to feel alone."
Jack didn't know what to say, so he pulled her into a bear hug.
They sat that way for a long while, eventually Cassie pulling herself free.
"I'd better let you get some rest," she said, getting to her feet. "Or mom won't be pleased."
As she went to walk away, Jack took her hand.
"Thank you." He mouthed.
Cassie smiled sadly. "Anytime," she said, and quietly left the room.
** After she had gone, Jack lay back on the bed and wondered. Just when was it that he had let his guard down enough to have people care about him so much?
He stared for a long moment at the pills he still held in his battered hand. Then deciding he wasn't going to need them after all, he dropped them onto the cabinet by the bed, and turned off the lamp.
Turning onto his side and closing his eyes, Jack mumbled into the darkness:
"I'll miss you too, Daniel."
~~End~~