Part Two

//Love is a funny thing sometimes; it can exist without existing, because only in the acknowledgement of the emotion does it become real. If someone is truly 'in love', it is obvious to everyone who surrounds them. But it is possible to be in love without anyone realizing, even yourself.

Such is the way with him.

It is not true to say his mind was blocked, or that he was under a spell, or even that he had no emotions.

Denial springs eternal.

If he looked into a certain pair of green eyes, and a certain feeling rose in the pit of his stomach or a certain ache in his heart, he could write it off, pretend it was something else, pretend he had never noticed in the first place.

Such is the way with him.

It was simply a pity, because no one ever realized.

Not even him.

All life contains is potentiality. There is never a set course that destiny must take, or else there would be no such thing as free will. Some options are far more likely than others. Some are downright unlikely.

But there is no such thing as an impossibility.//

Sakurazuka Seishirou opened his eyes and stared blankly up at the ceiling without even realizing it was there.

//In his dreams, there is sakura and there is blood, and the air is so thick that it's difficult to breathe. He remembers green eyes, and a white trenchcoat, pale skin and a slender form.

The figure of an angel in his eyes.

The white is stained with blood, the purity tainted by hatred and desire and despair.

There is no forgiveness.//

*****

Seishirou gave Subaru a friendly smile and wave as the younger boy walked into the classroom. Blushing, Subaru waved a little and looked away. Kamui rolled his eyes. Fuuma looked between the two of them with a curious face. Then he smiled.

Class passed in a blur. Subaru noticed that Seishirou looked pretty distracted, like he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep. Subaru considered going over to say something to him a few times, but decided he'd made enough of an idiot of himself the day before at archery practice, and he should spare them both the embarrassment.

"What are you doing after school today?" Subaru asked Kamui, shouldering his backpack.

"I have some errands to do," Kamui said. "Nothing exciting."

"Do you want company?"

"I'll be okay. Didn't you tell Hokuto you'd be home right after school?"

Subaru paused, then nodded. "Yeah. I guess I did."

"Don't worry about it, then," Kamui replied. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Subaru nodded and left the classroom. Kamui watched, amused, as Seishirou immediately picked up his backpack and followed him. Then he waited for the class to empty out and walked up to the front of the room, offering Keichii a friendly smile. "So where do you want to go?"

//"Someplace quiet."//

"Anywhere's fine," Keichii replied.

They ended up in a small coffee shop near the school. They got some food and talked for a while.

//"Shirou-kun, what's going on? Why did my parents have to die?"//

//kamui remembers explaining everything to keichii, remembers thinking that after losing both parents -- and soon to most likely lose his best friend -- he deserved to know. keichii accepted all of it, much to kamui's surprise, and only asked one question.

"shirou-kun . . . are you going to die too?"//

"So what happened in the end?" Keichii finally asked, after a good half hour of chatting about how Kamui's current life was going.

"I don't remember," Kamui said quietly. "I remember what happened to . . . to Fuuma." Thought it really hadn't been Fuuma at all. "But I don't remember what happened after that. All I remember is a white light, and warmth, and a voice . . ." He frowned for a minute. "Whose voice was it . . .? It was so familiar . . ."

//"don't despair, kamui . . . we are given another chance, if we choose to take it."//

"Kakyou!" Kamui declared triumphantly, having finally dragged the memory out of the depths of his mind. "It was Kakyou's voice. I don't know how he knew, but . . ."

Keichii's eyes were slightly confused. "Kuzuki-kun?"

Kamui blinked at him. "You know him?"

Keichii nodded. "Hai, he was in my class last year, when I was still teaching the juniors."

"Hm, why would he be in the grade above us . . . he died just after Subaru, I think." Kamui rubbed his forehead a little. "I'll have to try to find him . . . I wonder if he remembers anything. It would be like him to."

"What about all the others?" Keichii asked curiously. "Did anyone choose to not come back?"

Kamui shrugged. "I suppose it's possible. There are certainly people I haven't seen yet. But many of the Angels I probably wouldn't recognize anyway. I only knew them in passing. I'm . . . surprised . . . that Subaru came back, actually. I didn't except he would. Then again, if Kakyou told him that his sister and Seishirou also had . . ."

"How did Subaru die?" Keichii asked.

Kamui flinched away.

"Never mind," Keichii said hastily. "Have you seen all the others?"

"Most of them, yes." Kamui smiled. "Homecoming king and queen last fall . . ."

Keichii looked blank. "Kasumi-san and Aoki-kun?"

"They were both Seals," Kamui confirmed. "Seiichirou was married that time around, but it always seemed to me like he and Karen were meant to be together. So I'm glad they managed it this time. Same with Yuzuriha and Kusanagi. Fortunately, they died very close together, so they're the same age this time."

"I don't recall ever meeting them," Keichii said.

"Then there's Sorata and Arashi." Kamui couldn't help but snicker.

Keichii still looked confused.

"Arisugawa-san and Kishuu-kun?" Kamui clarified.

"Oh, yes," Keichii said. "I know them. What's so funny?"

"They switched places," Kamui said. "In the last life, it was Arisugawa Sorata and Kishuu Arashi. Now it's Kishuu Sorata and Arisugawa Arashi."

Keichii blinked. "But doesn't that mean they -- "

"Switched genders!" Kamui couldn't stifle his laughter anymore. "I can pretty much imagine their thought processes. Sorata's would have been 'Arashi doesn't love me, so I'll be born as a woman next time and avoid having these feelings.' And Arashi was probably thinking 'Sorata won't stop chasing me around, so I'll be born as a man next time so he won't have those feelings.' So what happened? They both got their wish, and now Arisugawa Arashi, who is really Sorata in woman form, is chasing around Kishuu Sorata, who is really Arashi in male form!"

"You've completely lost me," Keichii admitted, but he was smiling.

"It's not a big deal," Kamui assured him. "I just think it's funny."

"So basically, this next life is to straighten out all the failed romances of last time?" Keichii sounded skeptical, to put it kindly.

"Well, that and to give us normal lives," Kamui said.

"So who are you supposed to be with?" Keichii asked. "Since it obviously isn't me."

Kamui detected a small note of bitterness in the older man's voice and flinched. "Gomen, Segawa-kun . . . I couldn't care for you like that."

"I know." Keichii sighed, pushing his hair out of his face. "I guess I should have gotten over it a long time ago. But . . . if it's not Sumeragi-kun, then who is it?"

//"subaru, don't leave me, please don't leave me all alone here . . ."//

Kamui shrugged. "I don't know."

//"there is someone else who loves you, Kamui . . . please forgive me for everything."//

Keichii smiled at him. "I'm sure you'll find him someday, Kamui."

Kamui started a little. It was the first time Keichii had ever used his given name. Then he smiled back. "Thanks . . . I'm sure I will too."

*****

"Can I walk you home?"

Subaru jumped about fifty feet in the air, came back to earth, and landed with a solid thud. "Uhm . . . uhm . . . sure!" He was pretty proud of himself for an answer that intelligent, given how the day before he hadn't been able to manage anything at all. "Thank you," he managed to add.

Seishirou fell into step next to him. "Do I know you from somewhere, Subaru-kun?"

Subaru blinked a little at the suffix, turning even redder than he already was. "N-No. I don't think so. I mean, not from anywhere other than school."

"Funny," Seishirou said. "You seem awfully familiar."

Subaru looked at the ground for a minute. "I don't know why," he finally said.

"Oh well." Seishirou shrugged it off, tilting his head to the sky as they turned down a street lined by sakura trees.

"They're so pretty . . ." Subaru's voice was distant.

Seishirou reached out and caught a petal as it drifted down from the sky. "You like sakura, Subaru-kun?"

"Very much," Subaru said, then remembered what Seishirou's last name was and blushed furiously. "The flower, I mean," he added hastily, and cursed himself for looking like an idiot.

Seishirou just smiled and offered him the petal. "Here."

Subaru took it and stared at it. "A-Arigatou," he finally managed.

"Where's your friend today?" Seishirou asked, deftly changing the subject.

"Kamui had errands to run," Subaru said absently.

"Do you know if he's friends with Monou-kun? They seemed to be looking back and forth an awful lot today."

Subaru blinked. "Monou-san? No, I don't think so. I asked him what he thought of the new student and he said he seemed a bit distant."

"Oh," Seishirou said. "Maybe it's just my imagination."

"Uhm." Subaru stopped outside his house. "This is where I live." He paused, then blurted out, "Would you like to come in? My sister usually has some cookies waiting for me when I get home . . ." He hung his head, blushing furiously and feeling incredibly stupid.

"Sure, Subaru-kun." Seishirou smiled at him. "I'd like that."

Subaru managed a smile and went inside, toeing off his shoes. "Tadaima, neesan!" he called.

"Okaeri, Subaru-chan!" Hokuto came bouncing into the front hall and stopped short at the sight of Seishirou.

"This is Sakurazuka Seishirou-senpai," Subaru said, blushing a tiny bit.

"Oh," Hokuto said, then offered them both a cheery smile. "I'm Sumeragi Hokuto. Nice to meet you."

Seishirou smiled back.

"Ne, ne, are you the captain of the archery team that Subaru-chan is always going off about?" Hokuto asked curiously.

Subaru turned fire engine red. "Ho-Ho-Hokuto-chaaaan!"

"Ah ha! So this is him!" Hokuto turned to Seishirou with a critical look, then nodded in satisfaction.

Seishirou turned to Subaru. "Really, I'm flattered."

"Oh God." Subaru covered his face with his hands, absolutely mortified. "Neesan, I'm going to kill you."

"Maybe later. You want some tea and cakes?"

"Sure," Subaru said, slumping into a chair and looking extremely distressed.

Hokuto grinned and bounced out of the room. Seishirou settled himself in a chair. He was just about to say something when she came back in record time. "Sheesh, Subaru-chan, don't mope. I know you; you never would've said anything on your own and you would've pined away in a few months. You needed someone to do that anyway." She put the cakes and tea on the table and left the room.

Subaru reached out with trembling hands and poured the tea.

"It's not a big deal, you know," Seishirou said calmly.

Subaru glanced up at him and said nothing.

"Really. It doesn't bother me."

"It bothers me," Subaru said in a low voice. "I don't like people finding out I've been talking about them behind their backs."

"Well." Seishirou sipped his tea. "I'll assume it's nothing bad."

Subaru shook his head.

"Then don't worry about it."

Subaru was obviously worried. He twisted his napkin around his hands and said, "G-Gomen, Sakurazuka-senpai . . . I think I don't feel very well. My sister can show you out." He escaped the room. Seishirou could hear his feet on the stairs.

Hokuto walked in and blinked. "What just happened?"

"I don't know. He keeps doing that to me."

"Terminal case of shyness," Hokuto said wisely. "He'll get over it."

Seishirou looked at her curiously. "Do you two live alone here?"

She nodded. "Our parents died when I was twenty. I was living away from home then, but I came back so they wouldn't foster Subaru out. He was only eleven then."

"I'm sorry," Seishirou said.

"It's okay. Hey, I'll try to get Kamui to talk some sense into Subaru, okay?"

Seishirou smiled at her. "Thanks. I'd appreciate that."

*****

Subaru fell onto his bed and pulled the sheets over himself, curling up into a little ball of embarrassment and misery. I don't know why I invited him in, he thought bitterly. What the hell was I thinking? He was just being polite in accepting the invitation anyway. It's not like he'd ever actually want to spend time with me.

"Subaru-chan?"

"Has he gone?" Subaru asked, his voice rough with unshed tears.

"Yes, he's gone."

"Why did you make an idiot out of me like that?" he asked, sitting up.

"Because I've watched you obsess over him for a year now, and somebody had to say something before one of us went crazy," Hokuto said in that matter-of-fact way only she had.

Subaru buried his face in the pillow. "Why couldn't you just leave it alone? Now he'll never want to talk to me again. I made a complete fool of myself."

"Not as much as you'd think," Hokuto said.

"Right," Subaru said, completely disbelieving.

She sighed. "Dinner's going to be in about an hour, Subaru. Take a nap -- it'll improve your mood." With that, she left the room.

Subaru did manage to drift off, after a while.

//she pulled on the shikifuku in front of his unseeing eyes and embraced him, her tears dripping onto his paler-than-usual skin. with words of apology and anger she left the room. he never saw her again.

she stood under a tree, sakura petals swirling around her. there was a man -- sunglasses, trenchcoat

smile.

a cold smile.

sakura fluttered through the air

"I want you to kill me."

BLOOD//

Subaru cried out in his sleep and rolled over, twisting the sheets around himself. Tears started down his cheeks, falling soundlessly onto the pillow.

//he could see so clearly, the man's fist right through her chest, blood everywhere, so much blood and THAT SMILE

and the man looked up//

Subaru screamed and sat up with a jolt.

"What?" Hokuto burst into the room. "Are you okay?" She sat down on the edge of his bed, staring at her younger brother. His skin was dead pale and his eyes were huge in his face; his whole body was trembling.

He latched onto her, hugging her tightly. "Oh God, I saw . . ."

"Shhh," Hokuto said, rocking him back and forth. "Was it another dream?"

"It wasn't a dream! He killed you!"

"Then it must have been a dream," Hokuto said firmly. "Because as you can see, I'm still alive."

"And . . . you were young, and . . . I don't . . . he killed you, I saw . . . there was so much blood and . . ."

"Who is 'he'?" Hokuto queried.

Subaru fell silent. "I . . . I thought I knew for a second, but . . . it's gone now."

She smoothed his hair carefully. "C'mon, it's time for dinner."

"Food, uck." Subaru allowed his sister to help him out of bed, then embraced her tightly. "Neesan . . . don't go anywhere . . . onegai . . ."

"Shh," she said again. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise. It was just a dream."

Subaru nodded and let go of her. "I'll be down in a minute, neesan."

She smiled and left the room.

"It was more than a dream," he said softly to his closed door, and closed his eyes to stop the tears.

*****

"Ne, are you okay?" Kamui looked with concern at the circles under his friend's eyes. "What's going on?"

Subaru waited until he'd pulled Kamui out of the house, away from Hokuto's well-meaning but still somewhat prying ears. "I didn't sleep."

"Why on earth not?" Kamui asked, surprised.

"I . . . couldn't. I took a nap before dinner and I had this . . . this awful dream. By far the most vivid yet. So when I went to bed, I just . . . I couldn't even close my eyes without seeing the images."

"What was it?" Kamui asked cautiously, fairly sure that Subaru wouldn't tell him anyway.

"It was neesan," Subaru replied. "Only younger. I think a few years younger than we are now. And . . . and someone killed her. There was blood, and . . . he was familiar somehow. But I can't see him clearly anymore."

Probably all for the best, Kamui thought, recognizing what Subaru was describing all too well. He took a wild stab at something useful. "Did something happen with Sakurazuka-senpai yesterday?"

Subaru flinched away in surprise. "How did you know?"

Kamui thought quick. "I saw him follow you out of the classroom and I thought you might be going someplace, that's all," he said. "Am I right?"

"Uh, hai . . . he . . ." Subaru's voice trailed into misery. "Never mind. I made an idiot out of myself. Again."

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Kamui said.

"Neesan told him that I've been talking about him and obsessing over him for a year. I call it that bad."

Kamui paused. "Okay, I think you're right."

Subaru sighed heavily, his feet dragging on the ground.

"Look, I'm sure he'll understand if you just talk to him," Kamui said.

"I don't want to!" Subaru said sharply. "What am I supposed to say? I'm sorry for having a monstrous crush on you? I'm sorry for worshipping your existence? I'm sorry for staring at you from across the classroom nonstop? I'm sorry that my sister just doesn't know when to shut up?"

Kamui flinched away.

"Gomen . . ." Subaru said softly. "I didn't mean to yell. It's just . . . I think I've ruined any small chance I had with him. I'm . . . I'm a little upset right now, and what with the dream and the insomnia . . ."

"Don't worry about it." Kamui pulled his friend into a spontaneous hug. "I'm sure everything will be okay."

Subaru just shook his head.

*****

Fuuma and Kamui exchanged several concerned looks over the first half of the school day, then had a quick conference in the bathroom during lunch. They came to a series of decisions and a plan to put into action.

"Ne, Sakurazuka," Fuuma called over at the end of the day, sticking to their script, "you want to go out for ice cream or anything?"

Seishirou looked up. "Sure," he said with a smile.

Fuuma turned. "Shirou-kun! Want to join us?"

"Okay," Kamui said agreeably. "If Subaru can come too."

"Sure," Fuuma said.

Seishirou and Subaru blinked at each other.

"I don't think I can," Subaru said weakly.

Kamui glared at him. "Why not?"

"I told Hokuto I'd be home right after school . . ."

"So call her. It's no big deal."

"And I'm not very hungry . . ."

"It's okay, you can still keep us company."

"And we have a lot of schoolwork . . ."

"That's never stopped you before." Kamui latched onto Subaru's wrist. "You're coming whether you like it or not."

"Eheh . . ." Subaru allowed himself to be towed out of the classroom by Kamui, following behind the two taller boys.

They settled at a nearby ice cream parlor. Kamui found, much to his chagrin, that he had no money, so Fuuma bought his. It was funny -- though Fuuma was no longer being the Dark Kamui, he still wore the small dark sunglasses. And he'd kept the fashion sense. Though this was a somewhat painful reminder, Kamui had no complaints; he looked far better that way.

Seishirou bought Subaru's ice cream without even asking the Sumeragi.

"A-Arigatou," Subaru mumbled. They settled on a bench in the park, with Kamui and Fuuma sitting between Subaru and Seishirou. Subaru took his ice cream and stared at it.

Kamui nudged him a little. Subaru jumped, startled, and licked at the top of it a few times. He was really much more fascinated by staring at Seishirou eating his. All sorts of images that his mind should really be staying far away from were popping into his head.

At least, he thought wryly, we didn't get popsicles.

Kamui hid a snicker at Subaru's rather enthralled face and turned his attention to his own ice cream. He was altogether too aware of Fuuma sitting next to him. In a way, the warmth of his friend's body next to his was comforting. But he was a little too close for comfort; it reminded him of things he'd rather forget.

//"you have such a lovely voice, kamui . . ."//

He shivered a little.

"Are you cold?" Fuuma asked.

"N . . . No," Kamui managed.

Fuuma gave him a concerned look. Kamui shook his head quickly.

"So, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, trying to sound friendly and harmless, "are you going to be at the next archery tournament?"

Subaru, bright red, stared down at the ground. "I don't think so," he said quietly.

"Why not?" Seishirou asked.

"Because I have . . . uhm . . ." Subaru thought fast. "I have to go see my family that day."

"Oh, you do not," Kamui said mildly.

Subaru glared fiercely at him.

Fuuma quickly changed the subject, turning it onto more innocuous things. Subaru started to fall asleep, half-leaning on Kamui's shoulder.

Kamui looked at him, concerned. "You should get home," he said.

"I know . . . sleepy though." Subaru closed his eyes.

Kamui sighed. "C'mon. Are you going to sleep tonight?"

"I hope so," Subaru yawned. He let Kamui help him to his feet and put an arm around his shoulders to support him.

"Guess we'll be going," Kamui said. "Um, thanks for the ice cream, Fuuma."

"No problem. See you guys tomorrow."

"Mata ne," Seishirou said.

Kamui waved over his shoulder and walked off, still supporting Subaru. "You should take better care of yourself," he scolded gently.

"I know." Subaru sighed. "I'll try."

"Don't let those dreams bug you," Kamui said. "They're just dreams, after all." He felt a tiny pang as he said it, but if Subaru was never going to fully remember, it would be better if he fully forgot.

*****

//in his dreams, there is blood, often hers, sometimes that of his love. most often he does not fully realize what is happening, and after he wakes up it is always gone.

but the dreams have changed, and subaru looks down to see the blood is his own.//

*****