Beginnings of the Fuuma+Kamui in this bit, which is by far what I'm having the most trouble with, so I hope you all like it. Also the hints of Kamui+Subaru. I'm adding Kakyou+Hokuto to the pairings list because I forgot to earlier. And, um, thingy. Enjoy.

If you're religious, I'm sorry if the opening scene offends you.

Part Three: Hell

//If one were to define Hell, perhaps they would envision flames and pointy-horned creatures that dance around spouting garbled curses, tunnels and darkness and lakes of lava. If you were asked what Hell is, isn't this the first picture that leaps into your mind? Literature and 'fire and brimstone' have permeated our society and our minds and this is the image.

But if you were to try to define it, what would you say?

Some call it eternal separation from God.

Some call it eternal darkness.

Then you have to move on and ask who goes to hell? Murderers, rapists, kidnappers, and thieves? People who exploit and use others? People who don't care whether or not they hurt those who love them?

Who truly deserves to go to Hell?

Who decides?

If Hell is separation from God, isn't that where we already live anyway? Those who speak to God rarely expect him to speak back. So are we not separated?

If Hell is eternal darkness, is it simply Earth without the sun?//

Monou Fuuma does not dream often.

//Allow me to present another theory.

Everyone goes to Hell. Everyone lives in Hell. This is, after all, the only fair way to decide who should and should not go. And if you survive Hell --

Then you are granted Heaven.//

Shirou Kamui does not dream often either.

//All Hell is, really, is a state of mind. Three parts despair, two parts hatred, four parts pain, one part denial. There is no love in Hell, real or imagined. Those you love turn on you, or hurt you, or never love you in return.

We all live in Hell.

Some of us just choose to deny it.//

*****

Two weeks later...

"It's getting worse," Fuuma said softly.

Kamui stared across the schoolyard at where Subaru was sitting on a bench. Well, sitting wasn't really the proper word. It looked like Subaru was going to fall off any second. "I know."

"What's wrong with him?"

Kamui jumped as Seishirou came up behind them. "Nothing," he said quickly. He and Fuuma exchanged somewhat alarmed looks.

Seishirou wasn't looking too great himself. There were dark circles under his eyes, even if they weren't anywhere near as bad as Subaru's. "He looks like he hasn't slept all week."

"So do you," Kamui pointed out.

"But I'm not the one about to fall off a bench," Seishirou retorted.

"Look, he's just stressed," Kamui said. "Tomorrow's Sunday and I'll get him to promise he'll stay home in bed all day. He'll be fine."

"He's not going to," Fuuma interjected calmly.

Kamui blinked at him. "Why not?"

"Because the first archery tournament is tomorrow."

Kamui cursed under his breath. As Subaru's dreams had gotten worse and his sleep had lessened, his obsession with Seishirou had only gotten stronger. He did nothing in class but stare at him and never missed an archery practice. Despite this, he refused to go anywhere with Seishirou unless he was dragged into it kicking and screaming, and even if they managed to make him go, he spent all his time staring at the floor and saying nothing.

"He's wearing himself to a thread," Seishirou said. "You're his best friend, you must know what's going on with him."

"He's not telling me anything!" Kamui's voice was strained. "I'm just as worried about him as you are, okay? I've known him for almost seventeen years and I care about him a lot and he's just not talking to me!" He ground his teeth with frustration. "It's those damned dreams . . ."

Seishirou went very still. "What dreams?"

Kamui blinked up at him, then cursed inwardly again. Of course Seishirou would be interested in the dreams -- he probably had the damn things too. "Subaru has nightmares," he half-explained. "They've been getting worse lately, so he doesn't get much sleep at night and he gets kind of stressed during the day."

"What are they about?" Seishirou asked.

"He doesn't remember them clearly. All he remembers is blood and rain."

//it was raining that day. kamui found a piece of paper waiting on his desk when he got home from school and read it, his eyes widening at every word, until he dropped it halfway through and ran until he couldn't run anymore, and then he ran more anyway until he finally reached ueno park//

Seishirou frowned a little. Kamui knew he didn't dream about that; Seishirou had been dead by then. "Rain . . .?"

"Yeah. And . . . sakura petals. He says sometimes his sister is in them, and sometimes a man he doesn't recognize."

Fuuma gave Kamui a nervous look.

"Interesting," Seishirou finally said.

//in kamui's dreams, he is always a few seconds too late, as it was when it happened. a few seconds too late to even gain any words from subaru, not even one last glimpse of his beautiful green eyes.

they were already closed.//

"Maybe I'll go talk to him," Seishirou said, turned, and stopped. "Where'd he go?"

Kamui blinked upwards, jerked out of his memories/dreams. "Subaru no baka . . ." He muttered. "I'll go find him. He shouldn't be wandering off when he's like this." He got up without another word and walked in the direction of the bench, then around the corner of the school building, hoping he would find Subaru quickly.

It didn't take long. The Sumeragi was standing at the foot of one of the sakura trees on the edge of the schoolyard, staring up at the branches.

"Hey," Kamui called to him. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know." Subaru's voice was dazed.

Kamui sighed. "Why don't you go home, Subaru? You need the rest."

"Can't."

"Why not?"

Subaru shrugged.

"If you're saying you're going to stay at school so you can make googly eyes at Sakurazuka-senpai for another two periods, I'm going to smack you one."

"That's why I didn't say it."

"Subaru!"

"It helps, Kamui." Subaru closed his eyes tightly and leaned against the tree. "I don't know why, but seeing him helps. It makes the dreams hold off a little longer at night, it makes them a little less vivid. I need to see him, Kamui . . . don't stop me. Please."

//kamui only saw subaru twice after seishirou's death; once right after, and once the day before subaru died. he remembers, all too clearly, his own stumbling words of grief and apology, his even more stumbling words of love. he remembers the stunned look on subaru's face, then the heartbreaking pain that followed in his eyes.//

"I . . ." Kamui said, then stopped, not knowing what he could say.

"I'm sorry, Kamui," Subaru said, and looked at the ground. "I know you only want to help." With that, he turned and trudged away.

Kamui stared after him, tears blurring his vision.

//having had as many troubles as he had, kamui was surprisingly naive when it came to love. he truly believed that with time, subaru could forget seishirou, or at least it would hurt him less. he truly believed that he could save subaru just by the power of loving him. he truly believed that one day subaru would love him in return.//

"You all right?" Fuuma asked softly, coming up behind him.

"No," Kamui heard himself say, and was horrified that he'd said it.

There was an awkward silence.

"Do you love him, Kamui?"

Kamui shrugged. "Not the same way I did then. I care for him, that's certainly true. I want him to be happy more than anything. But he'll only be happy with Sakurazuka-senpai, so that's what I decided I would do. I would help them be together."

"What happened between the two of you?" Fuuma asked.

"After . . . after Seishirou died, he disappeared. He didn't want to have to face anyone, least of all me. He was gone for almost six months. I finally found him again three weeks before the final battle. He was the Sakurazukamori, you know." Kamui laughed bitterly. "He said that . . . that the Tree really wasn't what he'd expected. But he'd still refused to kill for it. He said he didn't know how long he could hold out against it, though." Kamui stopped, and was quiet for a long time.

"I told him I loved him," he finally continued. "I told him I would do anything to make sure he was happy. I told him . . . I wanted to help him forget, to help him heal. He looked so sad . . . because he knew it could never happen. He could never love me. Not like that." Another long pause, then Kamui drew in a harsh and shaking breath. "He died the next day."

"How?" Fuuma asked.

"He killed himself. Under the sakura. Slit his wrists. I can't help but wonder . . . if I hadn't told him . . ."

Fuuma drew Kamui into a hug. "No," he said gently. "I'm sure that's not why he did it."

"Okay, so he did it because of Seishirou, because I wasn't enough." Kamui leaned his head against Fuuma's shoulder. "Either way it hurts."

Fuuma's arms tightened around him. "It doesn't matter," he said insistently. "That was last time. We all have a chance to start over this time. To do it right."

"But if he's supposed to be with Seishirou . . . who's left for me?" Kamui pulled out of Fuuma's arms and looked up at the sky. "I loved him. I really did." He glanced over at Fuuma. "I suppose Kotori's back, too, isn't she."

Fuuma nodded a little. "She doesn't remember anything."

"I'd like to see her," Kamui said. "But I loved Subaru more."

Fuuma reached out and brushed Kamui's hair out of his eyes. "What about me?"

Kamui stared at him in shock. A thousand things to say ran through his head, and all he managed in the end was, "What?"

"Did you love me?"

Kamui thought for a second that Fuuma was joking -- Fuuma had to be joking -- but one look at his friend's eyes showed that he was completely serious. "Of course I did," he said weakly. "You were . . . you were the reason for everything. I wanted to get you back. That was everything to me."

"But you loved Subaru more," Fuuma said softly.

Kamui looked away and forced himself to think through his answer clearly. "I did love Subaru," he said slowly. "But . . . I thought I was a way for him to forget Seishirou . . . and I thought he was a way for me to forget you. He . . . understood. That was why I loved him. He understood why I wanted you back so badly. No one else did. He wanted Seishirou back, even though no one understood that either. But as things got worse . . . I began to realize there was no chance either of our wishes would ever come true. So I thought we could find happiness with each other."

He looked up, tears starting down his cheeks. "But it never would have worked, would it?"

Fuuma reached out and wiped the tears away. "No, Kamui. It wouldn't have worked."

Kamui leaned against his friend and said nothing.

"I won't ask for an answer," Fuuma said. "But . . . keep me in mind as an option, okay?"

//"i . . . want to get . . . fuuma back . . ."//

"Aa," he finally said. "I will. I promise."

*****

Subaru was keeping himself busy by helping the archery team so he wouldn't fall asleep on his feet, but when he thought no one was looking he kept leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. Kamui and Fuuma, sitting together on the sidelines, were keeping a pretty close eye on him. So was Seishirou, though he a) also had to keep an eye on the tournament itself and b) wasn't really feeling much better.

It wasn't a long tournament, and Seishirou didn't keep his usual title of champion. "Ne, Sakurazuka-kaichou," one of his teammates said, "you okay? You weren't as good as usual today."

Seishirou smiled. "Just tired is all. I'm sure I'll do fine at the next tournament."

He heard a clatter and they both turned as Subaru dropped an armful of arrows. "Gomen," he mumbled, barely loud enough for anyone to hear, and leaned over to pick them up. Seishirou saw his knees give and leaped over to catch him as he wilted into a heap.

"Subaru-kun!"

"Subaru!" Kamui came running up with Fuuma close behind him. "Are you okay?"

Subaru's eyes flickered open and dazed green stared up at Seishirou. "Seishirou-san . . ."

Fuuma blinked at that; Kamui just looked a little worried.

Seishirou's eyes went wide.

//"seishirou-san . . . i really was in love with you . . ."//

"What?" Kamui asked, seeing his reaction.

"Nothing," Seishirou said, and looked even more anxious as Subaru's eyes slid shut. "We had better get him home. D'you think we could manage it between the three of us, or should we call his sister?"

"Hokuto won't be there," Kamui said. "She said before we left that she was going to be out for the day."

"Guess we'd better manage then," Seishirou said. He started to lift Subaru up, then stumbled, nearly dropping the younger boy as one hand went to his forehead.

//"so today . . . I'll let you go"//

"What's wrong?" Kamui asked anxiously.

"Nothing. I was just dizzy for a second." Seishirou sighed. "I guess I haven't been getting enough sleep either."

"Bad dreams?" Fuuma asked.

Seishirou hesitated, then nodded.

"Come on, let's go," Kamui said softly.

Fuuma scooped Subaru up, carrying him carefully. Fortunately, Subaru didn't live very far away. Seishirou had to sit down as soon as he got inside. Apparently he was a little more tired than he'd thought. Kamui got him some tea while Fuuma carried Subaru up to his room.

"Kamui," he said when he came down. "I'm not really one to notice these things, but does Subaru normally make his bed?"

"Uh, he usually doesn't, but I suppose he might have this morning," Kamui said uncertainly. "Why?"

"Because when I put him on it, a cloud of dust came off it."

Kamui looked like he had a headache. "So he hasn't even been going to bed lately."

"From what I can tell." Fuuma leaned closer and whispered, "And I think his dreams have started already. He was calling for Seishirou."

Kamui flinched.

"It's just going to get worse," Fuuma said softly. "Until they're together . . . I don't think it will stop."

"He's going to kill himself with this soon," Kamui said softly.

Fuuma said nothing.

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Seishirou sounded surprisingly indifferent about knowing the answer to his question.

Kamui took a deep breath and a chance. "Can you do me a favor?"

"What is it?" Seishirou asked.

"Can you . . . stay with Subaru? He's . . . he said . . ." Kamui gave up and blurted it out. "He says you make the dreams go away. And if this doesn't stop soon, he's going to get really sick and . . . onegai shimasu!" He hung his head.

There was a pause. Then Seishirou said, "I'd be happy to stay, if it's all right with his sister. At least for the night."

"We'll wait with you until Hokuto gets home," Kamui said. "I can make us some dinner; she won't mind if I use her kitchen."

Seishirou nodded wearily, rubbing his forehead.

Kamui threw some food together in some semblance that might be considered dinner. "I'm going to try to get Subaru to eat some of this," he said, putting a plate of food in front of Fuuma and Seishirou, then disappearing up the stairs with another.

He poked his head into Subaru's room. His friend was lying in bed, wrapped in blankets, his breathing harsh and shallow. Kamui put a hand on his forehead, pushing the stray strands of hair out of his face. "Subaru," he said softly.

Subaru's eyes fluttered open. "Kamui, I was dreaming . . ."

"It's okay, Subaru." Kamui smoothed his hair reassuringly. "You're going to be okay."

Subaru's eyes closed.

"No, don't go back to sleep. You need to eat something, okay?"

Subaru looked up at him. "Not hungry."

"I know, but you need to eat." Kamui managed to get Subaru to eat about half the food. "Look, Seishirou is going to stay with you while you sleep, okay? To make sure you don't get sick."

Subaru didn't look panicked about this, as Kamui would've expected. Instead, he just looked at Kamui curiously. "Why're you calling him Seishirou?"

Kamui cursed inwardly. He was never going to get the names straight. "Uh, no reason. Go back to sleep."

Subaru nodded a little, closing his eyes, and Kamui hoped fervently that he wouldn't remember the slip when he woke up.

He padded softly downstairs to see that Fuuma was doing the dishes and Seishirou was practically asleep in his chair. "Ne, Sakurazuka-senpai . . . why don't you go on upstairs? Subaru's door is the first on the left. We'll explain everything to Hokuto." He paused, then said, "It'll be okay if you sleep too." He hoped Seishirou would take the hint from that, as the older boy nodded and headed upstairs.

He looked over at Fuuma. "Uh, thanks for the help," he said, looking at the floor.

"Don't worry about it," Fuuma said. He looked up the staircase in the direction that Seishirou had gone. "You think they'll be okay?"

"I don't know," Kamui said. "I hope so."

*****

Seishirou nodded off in the chair beside Subaru's bed in relatively little time. About three hours later, there was a soft knock and the door opened. "Ne, Seishirou . . .?"

"Hm?" Seishirou looked up sleepily.

"Are you going to stay the night? It's all right with me if you want, but we don't have a spare mattress."

"I'll be fine, thanks," Seishirou said.

"Did you call your parents?"

"No, I live alone," he said.

Her eyes widened a little. "Really? You're awfully young for that."

Seishirou shrugged. He wanted to go back to sleep.

Hokuto got the message. "At least let me get you a blanket . . ."

"I'll be fine," Seishirou said. "This chair is surprisingly comfortable."

She laughed a little at that. "All right. Do you want me to wake you in the morning? I'm going to let Subaru stay home from school."

"I always wake up on my own, so don't worry about it," Seishirou said. He had no intention of going to school the next day; he was feeling thoroughly rundown.

"Okay. Oyasumi, Seishirou."

"Oyasuminasai," Seishirou replied, watching her go. He looked over at Subaru. The younger boy had started tossing a little in his sleep. Seishirou scooted the chair -- which was not comfortable in the slightest -- closer to his bed and ran his fingers through Subaru's hair.

"Onegai . . ." Subaru murmured in his sleep. "Please stay with me . . ."

Seishirou looked at Subaru.

He looked at the bed.

It looked awfully soft and comfortable, given how tired he was.

It was a bad idea.

No, it was a terrible idea. Subaru would wake up the next morning and completely freak out.

If he woke up first. Which wasn't likely.

Seishirou examined this altogether unhealthy impulse to crawl into bed next to the Sumeragi and wrap his arms around the green-eyed boy, to hold him, to keep him safe, to never let him go.

Rather odd impulse. He had known the boy for less than a month.

Oh, he would admit that he'd found himself staring a bit when Subaru came to help out at practice and at tournaments. And why not? The boy was incredibly beautiful, sweet, kind . . .

Seishirou shook himself. This was not good.

Subaru let out a sharp cry, twisting himself in his blankets. One hand clenched down in the sheets and he mumbled something that Seishirou couldn't hear.

All right, it was a bad idea. But Kamui said he would make the dreams go away, and as far as he could tell, he wasn't. Kamui wouldn't have said something like that if he hadn't meant it. What else had he said anyway?

"It'll be okay if you sleep too."

In retrospect, that was an unsubtle hint if Seishirou had ever heard one.

He wondered for a second how Kamui could possibly know that Seishirou would make the dreams go away. Then again, he had to take count of his own experiences. The more he saw Subaru in a day, the less likely he was to have nightmares, and they would be less severe.

A rather odd connection.

Everything about this was odd.

Kamui obviously knew more than he let on.

Seishirou gave up. He was falling asleep in the chair and eventually he was going to fall out of it and land on the floor. There was a perfectly usable -- if already occupied -- bed in the room. He pushed back the covers, pulled his button down shirt off so he was only wearing a T-shirt with his pants, and crawled into bed next to Subaru, hesitantly wrapping his arm around him and pulling him close.

He didn't know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't for Subaru to snuggle right into his touch, nestling his head against Seishirou's shoulder. The fringe of his hair tickled Seishirou's chin, and he smiled.

It was perfect.

Two minues later, both of them had drifted into a dreamless sleep.

*****

//in their dreams, the other figure is not clear. one sees a dark trenchcoat and sunglasses and a smile; the other sees white clothes and green eyes and a haunted face. they do not remember what this person was to them, if indeed they were anything at all. but the weight of their dreams lies heavy upon them, so even though they do not remember, the images stay with them.

looking into their dreams is like gazing into a mirror.

they only see themselves.

they cannot see beyond.//

*****

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