Author's Note: The lyrics to "the Rose" don't belong to me, but I don't remember who they belong to, so, it's not mine, don't sue. This first scene is what happens when all my teachers lecture on post-modernism in the same day. Post-modernism also doesn't belong to me, and even if it did, I wouldn't own up to it, because I think it's a really dumb philosophy. ^_^;;;;

Part Four: Truth

//Post-modernist philopshy states that there is no such thing as objective truth or reality. We each make our own reality, and the truth is only what we perceive it to be.

Love is, after all, a nebulous thing. Two people may be in love with each other and yet define it in two entirely different ways. What precisely is love anyway? Caring more for the other person's well-being than your own? Being willing to die for them? Being unable to stop thinking about them?

Coming back to life for them?

Wishing to be killed by them?

There is an old song about all the things love is. A river that drowns the tender reed. A razor that leaves the soul to bleed. A hunger, an endless aching need. A flower, and you its only seed.

Love is all these things.

But it is also only what we perceive it to be.

Is it possible to love someone you don't even know?

If you perceive that the love exists, then yes. But if you perceive it as an impossibility, then no.

Love can cross many boundaries, and so can truth.

Because really, when you think about it, the philosophy is paradoxical anyway. If there is no such thing as truth . . .

The statement that there is no truth can't be true.

Or can it?//

****

As promised, Seishirou woke up at six thirty on the nose. This was not as impressive as it seemed; getting up the same time every day for three years has a tendency to do that to you. He had, after all, gone to bed around nine o'clock the day before. He was startled, at first, because he didn't entirely remember what had happened and waking up in bed with Subaru was a rather surprising experience.

Fortunately, his memory returned quickly and he decided to get up.

Despite this decision, he continued to lie there.

He carefully weighed the pros and cons of getting out of bed.

Pro: He would get food. He was hungry, after all.

Con: He wouldn't be able to get more sleep. He was still tired, despite the nearly ridiculous amount he'd slept. All he would do if he got out of bed would be go home and go back to bed -- and the renewal of his nightmares was almost reassured. How Kamui had known that staying with Subaru would put an end to both their dreams was beyond Seishirou.

Pro: Hokuto wouldn't find them in bed together. Seishirou didn't even want to imagine her reaction. Even if, by some miracle, she wasn't angry, she would certainly tease Subaru until the Sumeragi died from embarrassment.

Con: This entailed getting out of bed, and letting go of Subaru. This really didn't sound very appealing at all. Seishirou had lived alone for almost three years, and he found it was surprisingly nice to sleep with someone next to him. Subaru's slim form fit perfectly against his larger body, and he was warm and snuggly and comfortable. Seishirou found himself oddly reluctantly to even move.

Pro: Subaru wouldn't wake up and find them in bed together. Seishirou certainly didn't want to risk the complete synpase fry the green-eyed boy would suffer if he woke up with Seishirou next to him.

Con: .....

All right, the pros won, he would get out of bed.

He lay there some more.

He couldn't do it.

He just couldn't bring himself to let Subaru go.

My life is getting stranger by the minute, he reflected.

And then he fell back to sleep.

****

Hokuto glanced over at the clock. Six forty-five . . . six fifty . . . seven o'clock . . . five past . . . she gave up. Not even Subaru could get ready in less than ten minutes; she'd better go make sure Seishirou had woken up.

She knocked gently, and upon receiving no answer, pushed the door open and went in. She paused to survey the room, burst into giggles, and shut the door quickly, bouncing back down the stairs to collapse into full-fledged laughter.

The doorbell rang and she went to get it. "Ohayo, Kamui-chan!" she said cheerfully, reaching out to floof the younger boy's hair. "I don't think Subaru-chan is going to school today."

"I didn't expect he would," Kamui said, stepping inside and toeing his shoes off. "But I figured I'd drop by to check on him."

"You can, but promise to be quiet 'cause he's still asleep," Hokuto said, and shooed him up the stairs.

"Why are you following me?" Kamui asked curiously.

"Because I want to see the look on your face!" Hokuto snickered.

Kamui looked at her blankly, then pushed the door open and his eyebrows began to crawl up his forehead. "Oh," he said, shutting the door.

Hokuto burst into giggles again.

"Were they like that last night?" he asked.

"Uh uh, Seishirou was in the chair when I went up to check on Subaru last night. I offered to get him a blanket but he said he'd be fine."

"Good, he got my hint." Kamui sighed in relief. "I hope they'll be okay now."

Hokuto blinked at him, perplexed.

"It's kind of complicated," Kamui said. "Let's just say I'm trying to get them to stop beating around the bush and date before they both drive us all crazy."

"I'm with you," Hokuto said with a nod and an evil grin.

"Then let them sleep, but make sure Seishirou wakes up first, or Subaru will die of embarrassment," Kamui advised.

"Gotcha," Hokuto said. "You'd better get going before you're late to school."

Kamui nodded. "Thanks, Hokuto. I'll drop by tomorrow morning to see if he's coming."

****

"Ne, Segawa-kun . . ." Kamui had gotten pretty good about remembering to call Keichii 'Segawa-sensei' in class. Now, however, he was visiting the older man in his office. "D'you think you could do me a favor?"

"What is it?" Keichii pushed his hair out of his face and looked up. Kamui was standing in his doorway; Fuuma was hovering behind him.

"Do you have any group projects you can assign today?"

Keichii blinked. "Why?"

"Because Subaru and Sakurazuka-senpai are both out today, so if you assign one today, they'll automatically be stuck working together." Kamui grinned innocently at his friend.

Keichii returned the smile, but it was a bit long-suffering. "Playing Cupid again?"

"Me? Never."

Keichii shuffled through his papers. "I suppose you could do these essays in pairs . . . it wouldn't hurt . . ."

"Really? Arigatou!" Kamui gave his friend a spontaneous hug.

Keichii just sighed.

****

Hokuto waited until three, then gave up. She made some lunch, then crept up into her brother's room. Subaru was still sound asleep, nestled in Seishirou's arms. Seishirou's eyes were closed and his breathing was light and steady. Hokuto put a hand on his arm and shook gently.

Seishirou looked up blearily. "Ehh . . .?"

"Shh!" Hokuto put a finger to his lips and motioned frantically with her other hand at Subaru.

Fortunately, Seishirou got the picture and shut his mouth.

She leaned over and whispered. "Come on, get up. You need lunch and you'd better get out of the bed before I wake Subaru or he'll have a coronary. Unless there's something I don't know about."

Apparently there wasn't, because Seishirou nodded, carefully untangled himself from Subaru, and got out of bed. He rubbed his eyes and picked his shirt up off of where it was tossed over the back of the chair, pulling it on but not buttoning it. "What time is it?" he asked in a normal voice.

"Three o'clock," Hokuto replied.

"Three?" Seishirou blinked. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"Oh, come on. You and my brother looked so cute lying curled up together. I couldn't bring myself to do that." She grinned cheerily at him. "Take it the chair wasn't that comfy after all?"

Seishirou mumbled something under his breath, then said, "You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Of course not. But I'll wait until you and Subaru have settled things to start the merciless teasing. I don't want him freaking out and getting weird ideas in his head."

"No kidding." Seishirou yawned and stretched.

"Why don't you go on downstairs? There's some tea and lunch on the table. I'll wake Subaru."

"Okay. Thanks." Seishirou wandered down the stairs and sat down at the table. He felt pretty good after his more than full night's sleep, but bizarrely enough, he was still tired. Guess I didn't realize how much those dreams were getting to me, he thought with a sigh. Still, something about being with Subaru felt so inherently right that he was guessing there was more to it than that.

I have to talk to Kamui, he thought. He knows something, that's certain. Probably won't tell me anything, but it's worth a try.

Hokuto came down the stairs a minute later, looking exasperated. "He'll be down in a minute," she said with a sigh. "He is so hard to get out of bed in the mornings."

Seishirou smiled a little. Subaru wandered down a few minutes later, looking sleepy. "Ohayo goziamasu," he said, apparently not awake enough to be embarrassed.

"Konnichi wa," Seishirou corrected with a small smile.

Subaru jumped. "You're still here."

"Yes . . ."

Hokuto giggled.

Subaru glared at her. "Did you . . . stay all night?" he ventured.

Seishirou nodded, then added, "Kamui-kun asked me to." He hoped this would make Subaru a little less embarrassed about the whole thing.

Hokuto giggled some more.

"Oh . . ." Subaru stared down at his plate.

Seishirou sighed. He was tired. He wanted to go home and sleep. No, that wasn't true. He wanted to curl up with Subaru and sleep.

This is not good.

He watched, rather concerned, as Subaru's head began to nod a little. Obviously, he was still tired. Seishirou tried to calculate how long it had been since the younger boy had slept. Probably at least a week, maybe two. That was how long it had been since he had slept, anyway.

Hokuto looked at him and said severely, "You're staying home again tomorrow."

"Neesan, I really shouldn't . . ."

"You're falling asleep in your lunch. You will stay home tomorrow and that's the last I want to hear about it."

Subaru mumbled something that might as well have been agreement, since he had absolutely no chance of talking his sister out of it.

"Gochishosama," Seishirou said, putting his fork down. "Can I help with the dishes?"

"No," Hokuto said firmly, and grinned.

"Oh." Seishirou sighed. "I should get home." Before it becomes entirely impossible to leave, that is.

"Um . . ." Subaru said, blushing fiercely. "Thanks for staying with me."

Seishirou smiled at him. "No problem, Subaru-kun. I'll see you in school, ne?"

Subaru nodded.

****

"Hey. You feeling better?" Kamui eyed his friend critically.

Subaru nodded. "The extra day neesan made me stay home really helped. I was a bit irritated, but I think I'm glad she did."

"Did the dreams stop?"

"Yeah." Subaru frowned. "It's weird."

"Hey, you're the one who said that being around him made them go away," Kamui said.

"It's still weird," Subaru insisted.

"Well, of course."

"I don't know, Kamui . . . I'm not sure this is . . . this is good."

"What do you mean?" Kamui asked, eyes narrowing.

"I mean . . . Sakurazuka-senpai . . . and I . . . it's just not a good idea."

"Why not?" Kamui asked calmly.

"I don't know," Subaru said helplessly. "I mean, when I think about it . . . it seems great. I . . . I want to be with him. You know how much I've been, well, obsessing over him. I think if I got to know him, I could really love him."

"And this is a problem because . . .?" Kamui asked.

Subaru looked away. "Just . . . whenever I think about it too much . . . I get these chills. Like something's really wrong with the whole picture."

Kamui tried to hide his wince as he realized that Subaru's past life memory was kicking in. Of course he would be nervous about the relationship; look how well it had gone last time around. "Subaru," he said, trying to judge his words carefully. "I think Sakurazuka-senpai would be really good for you. I mean, if you don't really have any basis for the feeling . . . just giving it a try can't hurt, can it?"

Subaru paused. "I . . . I guess so . . ."

Kamui gave him a sharp look. "You're going to start ignoring him now. And avoiding him. Just like you have been for the past two weeks."

Subaru looked away uncomfortably. "I'm scared, Kamui."

Kamui hesitated. For a second, he wondered if this was really a good idea. But Seishirou's not the Sakurazukamori anymore! his brain insisted. He's changed, he really cares for Subaru this time! "It's okay to be scared, Subaru," he finally said. "Just don't let it run your life."

//never able to do anything for fear of hurting Fuuma//

"Trust me, Subaru."

Subaru took a deep breath. "Okay. I trust you."

Kamui, recalling the group project, just smiled.

They got settled in class a few minutes later. They just barely beat Keichii into the room, so Subaru wasn't able to do anything more than give Seishirou a shy smile and wave. The older boy smiled and waved back.

"So," Keichii began class, "any questions on the essays?"

There was a general chorus of 'no', then Subaru raised his hand.

"Oh, right, Sumeragi-kun and Sakurazuka-kun missed that. See me after class for your assignment."

Kamui was a bit disappointed that he wouldn't get to see Subaru's reaction to being told he had to do a project with Seishirou, so he waited outside the classroom at the end of the first half while Keichii told them.

"The assignment is due tomorrow," Keichii explained, "but since you both missed two days I'll let you have until Saturday. It's a six to eight page essay and class presentation on any aspect of ancient Japanese culture and how it compares to today. Religion, government, family structure, et cetera. It's also a group project, so you two will have to work on it together since everyone else already has a partner." He handed each of them a packet.

Subaru let out a tiny squeak. "Ano . . ."

"This is a problem?" Keichii asked innocently.

"No," Subaru said, looking at the floor.

"Okay. If you have any questions just ask me. We've been spending a little class time on this, and I can't let you two have that since we're moving on tomorrow, so you'll have to do the work outside school."

"Hai," Subaru mumbled.

"We can manage," Seishirou said complacently.

"Okay, you two, go to lunch. I'll see you later."

Subaru and Seishirou walked out together; the former looking a little worried and the latter stoic as always.

Kamui, being the good friend he was, was waiting outside to point and laugh.

"Oh, quiet," Subaru said. "You could've warned me."

"I know, but it's much funnier this way," Kamui said.

"Are you working with Monou-san?" Subaru asked.

Kamui nodded.

"You know," Subaru said spontaneously. "I think the two of you would make a cute couple."

Kamui turned a vivid shade of red.

Subaru and Seishirou both stopped and stared at him. "Wait," Subaru said. "I was joking."

Kamui only turned redder.

Subaru stopped and burst into laughter. "Yes! Now I have something to tease you about!"

"No, don't," Kamui said. "I don't know if anything's going to happen . . ."

"So?" Subaru asked.

"So don't be a jerk."

"Right, Kamui."

****

"Um, so, what do you think we should do our essay on?" Subaru asked nervously. He had stayed after to 'help out' with archery practice, and was sitting on a low stone wall talking to Seishirou afterwards.

"Hm . . ." Seishirou frowned thoughtfully. "How about magic?"

"Eh?" Subaru looked startled.

"Well, you're a member of the Sumeragi Clan, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah." Subaru blushed. "But I'm such a distant relative that nobody really counts me."

"Do you have any magic at all?" Seishirou asked curiously.

"A tiny bit," Subaru said. "Enough that with some training, I could do a little basic 'jitsu. But not much. And I've never been trained. What, were you hoping we could have a demonstration for the class?"

"It'd be fun," Seishirou said.

Subaru just sighed. "Be serious about this."

"I am serious," Seishirou said. "They had onmyoujitsu back then. We could find out how it compares to the way onmyoujitsu is used today. It'd be way more interesting than an essay on government."

Subaru had to admit he had a point there. "I guess . . ."

"Then let's go to the library and get some books and stuff. We should start it today. Do you want to come over to my apartment or should we go to your house?"

"Um . . ." Subaru blushed at the thought of being alone with Seishirou in his apartment. "Why don't we go to my house? Hokuto will make us cookies and stuff. And she knows more about the Sumeragi Clan than me; she might be able to help us out."

"Good idea," Seishirou said. "Let's get going."

****

"You know, this essay is due tomorrow," Fuuma mentioned casually, looking down at the stack of papers.

"It's almost done." Kamui had flopped down on his bed. He was contemplating making dinner; his mother was out and the two of them lived alone. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little distracted."

Fuuma sat down on the edge of Kamui's bed, next to the other boy's head. "Thinking about Subaru and Seishirou?"

Kamui nodded. "I'm hoping it goes well for them."

Fuuma smiled. "You're very self-sacrificing, Kamui. It's cute."

"Ah, shut up." Kamui shut his eyes.

"Ne," Fuuma said suddenly, "if we're supposed to all pair up with the one we were supposed to be with, we should try to find Kakyou."

"Kakyou? Why?" Somehow, Kamui hadn't pictured the rather androgynous Dreamgazer being in love with anyone. Then again, he was in that coma for a reason . . .

Fuuma looked down at him. "To introduce him to Hokuto, of course."

Kamui nearly choked. "Subaru's sister?" He tried to picture the overly genki, bossy, loudmouthed Sumeragi with the effeminate, quiet, depressed yumemi. It didn't click. "That's who he was in love with?"

Fuuma nodded. "I forgot you didn't know."

"It just doesn't . . . I don't know . . . it's not a possibility that leaps to mind."

Fuuma laughed. "That's true. But that's who he was in love with all the same."

"So how are we supposed to go about doing that?" Kamui frowned.

"Don't know. Have you met Kakyou?"

Kamui shook his head.

"Me neither."

"Segawa-kun knows him though. He's in the same class as Seishirou, so maybe we can ask him."

"Good plan," Fuuma said. "You look tired."

"I am. I've been stressing over Subaru."

Fuuma chuckled. "He does require a fairly large amount of maintenance, doesn't he."

Kamui nodded, closing his eyes again. There was a brief pause, then he felt fingers running gently through his hair and his eyes opened again. "Ano . . ."

"Is this okay?" Fuuma asked.

Kamui hesitated, then nodded. "Aa . . ." He sighed a little and relaxed into Fuuma's touch, his eyes closing again.

"We really do need to finish this essay," Kamui said after a minute.

Fuuma smiled a little. "You nervous about me?"

"No," Kamui said, and found he honestly wasn't. "Just conscientious about schoolwork."

"Okay. Schoolwork it is."

****

Hokuto good-naturedly made them some nikuman and agreed to tell them what she knew about the 'inner workings' of the Sumeragi Clan. Subaru found his sister was surprisingly knowledgeable on this subject, and took copious notes.

"You know you're named after the last Clan Head, right, Subaru-chan?"

He blinked. "I am?"

She nodded. "Aa. Sumeragi Subaru, Thirteenth Head."

"Really?" Subaru looked fascinated.

"Yeah. I think because you were born on the same day that he died."

Subaru frowned. "That's kinda freaky. How did he die?"

"Hm . . ." Hokuto frowned, trying to remember. "As far as I can recall -- and I was only nine at the time, so I didn't hear all about it -- he killed himself."

//blood all over his hands, staring down at it in horror but a kind of sick satisfaction, dagger falling from his limp hands and slumping backwards to stare up through the sakura petals that slowly fell around him, as if the Tree was crying to lose him//

"Why?" Subaru whispered.

"I'm not sure," Hokuto said. "Obaasama wasn't very clear on that point. Something about losing someone very important to him. I think there was more to it than that, but she never wanted to go into it."

//"Subaru-kun . . . I really was in love with you . . ."//

"You okay?" Seishirou asked, seeing that his friend had gone very pale.

"H-Hai," Subaru said, shaking his head to clear it. "Just . . . never mind. I'm fine." He took a few cautious sips of his tea.

"ANYway," Hokuto said cheerfully, "he had an older sister named Hokuto too. And I'm named after her."

Subaru blinked at her. "But I thought I was named that because he died the same day."

"Well, yeah."

"Then were they planning to name me that the whole time and it was a coincidence, or is it a coincidence that they had chosen to name you Hokuto?"

Hokuto blinked. "Oh, I don't know."

"Well, is she still alive?"

"Oh, no, she died when I was really little," Hokuto said vaguely. "I don't remember how old I was. In fact, I'm not sure I'd even been born. Oh, it's not important."

"I think it is," Subaru murmured, but he said it so quietly that the others didn't hear.

"So do you know any magic?" Seishirou asked Hokuto curiously.

"Er . . . a little. Not much, certainly."

"Well, anything you could teach Subaru so he could do it in front of the class?" Seishirou asked hopefully.

"Hm . . . I can do wards . . ."

"Those aren't really much of a demonstration, neesan," Subaru said, sounding amused.

"And I can do tracker spirits . . ."

"Which can't be seen by the normal human eye," Subaru finished for her.

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking . . ." Hokuto pinched her lower lip, then frowned, then poured them all another round of tea. Seishirou got bored and started flipping through one of the books they'd checked out of the library, occasionally taking a note. "I can't think of anything," she finally announced. "But I'll keep trying."

"Thanks, neesan," Subaru said.

Hokuto left at that point to start preparing dinner. Subaru and Seishirou continued to sit in the living room for a while, flipping through their books. Seishirou had agreed to research the ancient use of onmyoujitsu while Subaru studied the current use.

Subaru picked up a book on magic and the government that Hokuto had given him, claiming she'd gotten it from their grandmother when they were younger, and started to flip through when a particular chapter heading caught his eye.

"Government Assassins."

He stopped and began to read carefully.

He'd heard of the Sakurazukamori, being one of the Sumeragi Clan; it was hardly new news to him. "Ne, Sakurazuka-senpai," he said absently.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you can call me Seishirou?"

Subaru blushed and didn't reply. "Do you know what your last name means?"

"No. Why?"

"I don't know if it's coincidence or not, but the Sakurazuka Clan is the one that traditionally opposes the Sumeragi Clan."

"Really?" Seishirou looked interested. "That's terribly . . . coincidental somehow."

They looked at each other for a minute.

Subaru shivered.

"Never mind," Seishirou said quickly. "Come on, we have a lot of work to do."

****

//in his dreams, his only regret is the one he is leaving behind. though he could never care for kamui the way he'd cared for seishirou, he loved the boy in his own way, and abandoning him to his fate seemed terribly cruel.

it was too bad, upon reflection, that he simply could not stand to live another second.//

****

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